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@ms-alliance
So, as part of an effort to kind of condense my various muses scattered around into one place, I am archiving this blog and moving the muses over to @shoutaimu. You can follow me there! That’s where I’m most active, so I figure getting my mecha muses onto a blog I actually frequently use would actually get them more playtime.
=)
So, as part of an effort to kind of condense my various muses scattered around into one place, I am archiving this blog and moving the muses over to @shoutaimu. You can follow me there! That’s where I’m most active, so I figure getting my mecha muses onto a blog I actually frequently use would actually get them more playtime.
=)
he’s out of battery, let him rest…
Apogee ((Closed RP with @ms-alliance ))
ingrid-matoi:
Impossible. It was… simply impossible. “Judau. It can’t be.” And yet there it was. That familiar pull. It refused to be denied. “Even at the end of it all, when Earth has fallen… Still we are drawn together.
Scowling, Haman swept her gaze across the cockpit of her suit, hunting for the apparition of Kamille that had been haunting her ever since the day Earth fell to the Nekura. She needed someone to blame for this madness… and yet they were strangely absent.
“Men, hold formation.” That suit. No doubt they could feel it too at this range. Her men were newtypes as well after all. It took a Newtype to fight Nekura on more even footing. She had to be sure they wouldn’t do anything… rash. In this new world rash recklessness was even more likely to get you and everyone around you killed. There was no room for the blood thirsty and reckless soldiers of old.
If nothing else she needed confirmation that what she suspected was true. And if he was alive then maybe there was some hope for salvaging this situation. As much as the thought sickened her, and the act more so, she reached out to him. “Tell me. Are you really Judau?”
The idea of letting someone into her mind like this made her physically ill, but it was part of what it meant to be a newtype. Something she would have to force herself to accept. It was also the only way she could truly know if this was Judau and not something else.
If it were possible for Judau to push back deeper into the pilot’s seat of the ZZ, he would. Feeling Haman brush against him through a Newtype connection was...was....it made him recoil. This was the mind of a dead woman. Yet he can feel her. She’s alive.
A cold sweat ran down his brow. If there’d been any doubt before, it was gone now. It was really her.
Pushing the confusion down, he brought out his bravado and confidence instead.
“Am I Judau??” he asked incredulously. “Like there’s anyone else?”
The ZZ drifted a bit in space, and Judau adjusted it to face in the direction he felt the connection was. Time to cut to the chase- the question had been digging at him since he’d felt her presence, and he was never the type to pull his punches, anyways.
“I should be the one asking questions here, if anything. What’s going on? How are you alive?”
Judau took a deep breath. This was...a weird situation, for sure. But he had to keep calm. Freaking out wasn’t going to get him anywhere, right?
VIBE CHECK
“Am I really a clown?”
“Survey says absolutely. Welcome to the circus, dude!”
VIBE CHECK
“Feral clown? What?”
“I think it’s broken.”
“What? Is this the way kids talk nowadays?” Kade rubs the back of his head. “Is this a good thing?”
“H-huh? What?”
Apogee ((Closed RP with @ms-alliance ))
Haman frowned to herself as she guided her suit through another debris field around the silent shell of a colony. Another casualty of the Nekura onslaught no doubt. Haman frowning was nothing out of the ordinary, particularly these days. Not much reason to smile.
She took only a small squad with her this time. Less suits meant they would draw less attention from Nekura forces. This was recon for anything of worth, not an extermination run. They were not looking for a fight, though if one found them they could probably hold their own. She could at least.
What she didn’t expect was to sense something out there. A newtype reaction from a source that wasn’t one of her own people. Something she hadn’t felt since… But that couldn’t be right. As far as she knew her people were all that was left. Like a monkey’s paw she had gotten her wish, at the cost of so many others.
Conflicting feelings fluttered in her heart. If she was wrong about that then maybe the regrets that clung to her could be lessened some. However there was the fear that once more history would repeat itself in spite of the looming threat of the Nekura. The only way to be sure was to make contact, and so she guided her suit onwards.
Newtypes are weird, man.
Being a Newtype? That’s even weirder.
Judau had never really understood his abilities as a Newtype; they always just kind of flared up with emotions. Typically, he’d ignore it until they were active, but there was one he couldn’t: that tug. It was like a cosmic thread, pulling at him to act on something, to recognize something, but he could never figure out what it was when it was too close.
Some people had familiar sensations that enveloped him when he was near. Like Kamille, for instance- the few times their souls had brushed against each other’s, it was liuke...he was looking out into something far greater than him. It was chilling.
Others, though...well....
The sensation hit the junker-turned-pilot like a sack of bricks. A cold sweat developed on his brow. There was no way...!
Yet, there it was. The sharp, intense presence of Haman Karn, tinged with a tangle of other sensations he couldn’t describe. There were too many emotions that would hit him any time he was around her- the very definition of mixed signals, as it were.
The leader of Neo Zeon, the lady of Axis; the vibes she gave off, the way she acted towards him- it had always confused Judau. He still wasn’t quite sure what to make of it now that he was long past it. He just knew there was a pang any time she crossed his mind. Some kind of sadness. Maybe it was because she was too consumed by her own inner demons to see his hand outstretched to help her when he did? Was it survivor’s guilt? He wasn’t sure.
Whatever the case, it was clear to him why he’d felt compelled to fly out all the way here. He saw the Mobile Suit come into view, with the familiar white and pink color scheme. It wasn’t the Qubeley, but the markings on it denoted its pilot nonetheless.
“Haman....?”
He was still trying to wrap his mind around how. He’d watched her die! He’d been there! How was this possible?
I’m gonna post this right now while it’s still relevant to me: all of the muses play Animal Crossing, and they all hate sea bass with a burning passion just like the rest of the fandom.
Judau has had to stop Lyndsay from trashing the TV quite a few times now.
ACHOO! Shit!! I keep letting dust get everywhere! That’s bad for the electronics! Damn!
Alright, so, tentative return. Tentative, I say.
I am too fond of the floof and the deadman and the junky gang to just let this blog rot.
Demystifying the DSM-V: PTSD
Alright. Time for a heavy topic.
First off, for these disorders, your character needs to have gone through a traumatic event (or multiple ones).
Note - there are two different sets of criteria for PTSD. One is for adults and children older than six; the other is for children 6 years and under.
These are the adult criteria:
A trauma is defined as being exposed to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence, in one or more of the following ways:
Directly experiencing it
Witnessing in person the trauma as it happened to someone else
Learning that the trauma happened to a close family member or friend. If the person dying or nearly dying is the traumatic event, it has to have been violent or accidental
The character has been repeatedly and excessively exposed to awful details of traumatic events. This is typically seen in first responders, police officers investigating child abuse, etc.
So your character has, in some way, been through something pretty hellish. What comes next? As I discussed in one of my earliest posts, not everyone going through a traumatic event gets PTSD. There are a lot of factors involved.
But your character is one of the unlucky ones.
There are few clusters of symptoms the character needs to have experienced some of to get a diagnosis of PTSD.
Intrusion (1 or more of the following):
Repeated, unwanted, inescapable and extremely stressful memories of the trauma
Frequent nightmares about or similar to the trauma
In children above 6, the nightmares may not seem related
Dissociative reactions / Flashbacks - the character feels or acts as if the trauma is happening again. Flashbacks range from relatively mild to severe (to the point where the character loses all awareness of their present surroundings)
Children above 6 might reenact the trauma in play
Severe stress when the character is exposed to internal or external cues that are similar to the trauma
An example would be someone who nearly died in a car crash freaking out when riding in a car and someone slammed on the brakes.
Bodily reactions to internal or external cues that are similar to the trauma
Such as someone’s heart pounding and feeling like they’re going to pass out when they’re being followed
Avoidance (1 or both of the following):
The character avoids (or tries to avoid) memories, thoughts, or feelings related to the trauma.
The character avoids (or tries to avoid) external reminders (such as people, places, objects, situations) of the trauma.
Negative Cognition / Mood (2 or more of the following):
The character can’t remember an important part of the trauma
The character has enduring, strong negative beliefs / expectations about people, the world, or themselves
Ex - “No one can be trusted,” “I’m tainted goods,” “I am a bad person”
The character’s thoughts about what caused or resulted from the trauma are distorted, leading the character to blame themselves or others
“It’s all my fault - I brought this on myself”, “This would never have happened to me if you hadn’t…”
Persistent negative emotional state (fear, horror, anger, guilt, shame)
The character can’t experience positive emotions, such as happiness, or love
The character isn’t as interested in activities they used to like
The character feels distant or estranged from others
Arousal and Reactivity (Not that kind of arousal. Seen through 2 or more):
The character is irritable and angry
This can be seen through verbal or physical aggression towards people or objects
The character is reckless and self-destructive
Hypervigilance - see my post here!
Exaggerated startle response - when the character is surprised, they flip out
Problems concentrating
Trouble sleeping / insomnia
All of these symptoms have to have been experienced by the character for more than 1 month.
These symptoms cause the character stress and seriously makes their life more difficult.
PTSD for children under 6
Alright, now PTSD for children 6 or younger is slightly different.
A trauma in this case is defined as being exposed to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence, in one or more of the following ways:
Directly experiencing it
Witnessing in person the trauma as it happened to someone else, especially caregivers
Learning that the trauma happened to a parent or caregiving figure.
Again, there are clusters of symptoms required.
Intrusion (1 or more of the following):
Repeated, unwanted, inescapable memories of the trauma
These memories may not always appear distressing, and may be shown through play reenactment of the trauma.
Frequent nightmares that may or may not be related to the trauma
Dissociative reactions / Flashbacks - the character feels or acts as if the trauma is happening again. Flashbacks range from relatively mild to severe (to the point where the character loses all awareness of their present surroundings)
Children above 6 might reenact the trauma in play
Severe stress when the character is exposed to internal or external cues that are similar to the trauma
Bodily reactions to internal or external cues that are similar to the trauma
One or more of Avoidance OR Negative Cognition / Mood
The character avoids (or tries to avoid) activities, places, or physical reminders of the trauma.
The character avoids (or tries to avoid) people, conversations, or social interactions that remind them of the trauma
The character is much more frequently in a bad or sad mood
The character isn’t interested in activities they previously liked, or don’t play very much
They’re withdrawn socially
They don’t seem to experience positive emotions frequently
Arousal and Reactivity (Not that kind of arousal. Seen through 2 or more):
The character is irritable and angry, resulting in extreme temper tantrums
Hypervigilance - see my post here!
Exaggerated startle response - when the character is surprised, they flip out
Problems concentrating
Trouble sleeping / insomnia
All of these symptoms have to have been experienced by the character for more than 1 month.
These symptoms cause the character stress and seriously makes their relationships with others strained.
There are a couple specifiers for both types. First, the character may have dissociative symptoms - specifically depersonalization and/or derealization (see my post here!)
You also need to specify if the PTSD had a delayed expression - meaning that all the criteria were not met until at least 6 months after the trauma.
Beams fired past his eyes as he wrenched the controls to and fro, the Mobile Suit responding and darting between shots.
Line up the vector.
The HUD shifted as he aimed, locking onto the small bits that were raining hell down on the Stark Jegan.
Stay focused. Don’t feel.
He took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger. The shot rang true, and there was an explosion. He shifted again, lining up the next one.
Trust your instincts.
He fired again, shooting down another bit. The next shot hit its mark, as did the next. Soon, he’d cleared the swarm of Newtype weaponry. There was only that other Mobile Suit now. He tossed aside the beam rifle and grabbed his beam saber, rocketing forth. Blade met blade as he stared into the eye of the hulking monster that had torn apart his squadron.
The Mobile Suit shook from each impact, rattling from the strength of the clashes. He had to defeat it. He had to.
The other Mobile Suit veered out of sight before rocketing back up and filling his vision. The last thing he saw was the beam saber engulfing his view.
---
“NO!”
Kade sat up in a cold sweat, panting. He clasped his forehead with his right hand, the other bracing himself on the bed.
“That nightmare again,” he muttered. The pilot released his hand, letting it flop to his lap. He shook his head. “I guess you’re still not happy about not getting that kill, huh?”
He brought his knees up to his chest, resting his head on them.
“You’re going to have to let this go someday, you know.”
"Lucian. You're cute."
“A-ah! Thank you!”
better-red-than-fed:
“You did, I believe…Before I’d been attached to the Ra Cailum, I believe the Rewloola was transporting me, my position as commanding officer restored temporarily for the journey. The Defense Minister and Prime Minister both pulled quite a few strings for that. But, you couldn’t have been more than two, three years old at the most. I remember even Lyle, the Rewloola’s captain, found you rather endearing.”
Char couldn’t help but laugh as he thought back to when the Ra Cailum had departed to space from that crowded spaceport. That had been the last time he’d see Nanai and Lyle for a very long time, but they all served together again now…They’d gone through quite a bit since 0093, hadn’t they? He and Nanai weren’t as close as they once were anymore, but they were still close friends…And he trusted Lyle to captain the Rewloola with all that he had, just as he’d always done.
But…All of the suffering he’d seen throughout the years had been made worth it with being able to guide the next generation. He knew Amuro and Artesia likely wouldn’t forgive him easily for helping Lucian by answering his questions, but…He deserved to know. He was the one that would inherit the world from them once the time came, after all.
He was glad that he’d been able to answer Lucian’s questions, though…And, after, he allowed himself to bring the youth into a tender hug. He hadn’t given Lucian very many affectionate gestures like this, had he? At least, not to his knowledge…But, Char hoped that Lucian knew just how much he was loved.
“…You don’t realize how proud I am as your uncle to see you wanting to learn from the past, Lucian. Please, I beg you. Never let our mistakes repeat. The Earth…She gave birth to each and every one of us. She deserves to heal, and if history were to ever repeat itself…She may be scarred beyond healing.“
Lucian had been swallowed in his thoughts again, and as such he was caught off guard by the abrupt hug- but he embraced it. He listened intently to Char’s words.
He was young. Char was old. Those were the facts. The previous generations had made many mistakes, and only now were things starting to right themselves. It would be up to the youth- his own generation- to continue to usher in the new world.
“I don’t know what I can do...not right now, at least. But I promise, Uncle Casval.” How he would keep the Earth safe was for future Lucian to figure out- as he was now, he was just a boy. Not much more.
Then again...at his age, there were many who had fought for change. He was no pilot, but there were still small ways, right? Minor ways to help. For now, he mused, I guess I’ll just have to see where fate takes me.
Blog updated.
About page added. Brief and simple, but it serves its’ purpose.
Rules page added.
Fixed typo on directory page.
Completed Garrod’s character sheet.
Completed Kade’s character sheet.
