Gradorexmia

hw: 175lbs, sw: 153lbs, cw: 147lbs, gw1: 140, gw2: 133, gw3: 123, gw4: 117, ugw: 110lbs (or lower tbh) // MDNI — 22 y/o grad student

[fawnangel09]

the guilt i feel after eating is what i imagine hell feels like

[weakfawn]

i told myself i would reinvent myself this summer then continue to open the fridge

[poisnddbones]

i’m srsly so fat now i can’t believe i’ve let myself get this bad and i just need to gain control.

just. don’t. fucking. eat.

[weeping-marieonette]

Will it ever get better

[despazito]

they won't return my calls but i think i'm onto something

[despazito]

another

[underthemoonlight22]

[angel-lennon-222]

you can take the girl out of the eating disorder

but you can’t take the eating disorder out of the girl

[msdreamersjournal]

R€lapsing in 2026?

Using my account from when I was 15-17 yrs old as a 22 yr old (I used to deactivate my accounts every 2.5 years— OCD thing lol I’ve been on this area of tumblr since I was 12 unfortunately) is so strange. It feels like my brain completely blocked out this part of my life; my DMs are filled with people I never remembered connecting with until I reactivated this blog, my dashboard is full of random things I used to be interested in, and my actual blog was a time capsule of who I was in that era of my life. I completely forgot about how I loved writing about this disorder and to create media that actually helped us feel seen, the things that triggered me, and the vulnerability everyone entered this space with. I’ve relapsed on and off since logging off of this in 2021 but now everything feels so full circle.

Like maybe this is when I finally relapse for the last time. I’m studying my field in a graduate program at a school I used to daydream about attending, (aside from the mental health of it all) I’ve become the person younger me would love and see as an extension of herself, I’ve even begun my journey based on what she would’ve loved most right now. But I don’t know if it’s OCD or what but it feels almost like divine intervention that I reopen this section of my life and fall back into Tumblr and connecting with others in this. I’m worried this will be a year of regression, but this space feels like it (almost) inherently should be a part of this chapter of my 20s. Like without this in the background, my 20s would be empty.

I’m reintroducing myself to a space that never really ever left me behind, and I hope it hasn’t changed too much from how I, and other users, left it. It’s strange but it does still feel familiar and safe for me.

[anagelkisses]

gotta stop binging

[riacain]

i’m so fucking tired of young girls on tumblr basically BEGGING to be groomed like baby please find some light in u and leave that old rat creature u call daddy!! i totally understand the concept of daddy issues but this isn’t the answer. it will leave a permanent damage on ur very soul

[flowerslieonmygrave]

is anyone else aiming for under their ugw so when they gain weight in recovery they can gain so they end up being their actual gw

[vanillavalsbl0g]

I wanna have control

[skeletalclarity]

i swear if i was skinny i would be so much happier like all my problems would be solved if i was thin

[gblqhdjh7dvc3nlmebe6bvkafvz5j4]

One day I’ll be able to eat without having a war in my head

[trappedp0tential]

When ur pants are getting looser so u always have a jeanis

[kefirova]

tips on how to go unnoticed while strictly dieting:

1) tell them that you bought something on your way home

2) tell them that you woke up at night and ate. hide the food in plastic bags and throw it away, or flush it down the toilet

3) go visit someone (friends, family) and don't eat there. come back and say that you did and maybe even had too much

4) the best one - say that you decided not to eat after 6pm. It is considered to be a healthy way to go, and no one will question it. you can also say that you have had some trouble falling asleep and it is easier to do without much food in your system (scientific fact!)

[ariaiscursed]

- mentioned in passing