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Nikki. 28. OB Nurse. In love. • Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. • Secularism • Fandoms • Bitching • Tumblr Activism • Cutesy Shit • NSFW Sexiness • Fitspo Ask for my Instagram! I've felt freedom and it is glorious.

[muddledpoppies]

Tonight I’ll start my new meds. Before, I was taking Trileptal and Buspar and I had never felt better. They tried me on Prozac, but I was down to the lowest dose once every 3 days and I was still falling asleep in public.  Now I have Zoloft, which I’m hesitant about given my past with SSRI’s. It just didn’t work for me. I was also prescribed trazodone, which I’m hella nervous about. I mentioned that I’ve always had sleep problems but that I couldn’t tell if it was related to my shift work or not (now I know it’s not).  I’m pretty bummed that she didn’t decide to just give me my old meds, but I didn’t bother to ask her why. I know every prescriber is different, and I was going through a ton of shit back then. Now I have less stressors, but the stress lives on despite that.  Meh. I hope it goes okay. 

[muddledpoppies]

So I’m going through my old posts and holy shit was I depressed. I think right now, I’m the most depressed/ anxious I’ve been in a long, long time, but it somehow feels more manageable. I tried doing the mental health thing through my new insurance but navigating it all feels impossible so I gave up months ago. But, I have Eric. He’s been my rock, my punching bag, my safe place. He’s been everything I never knew I needed, and I think that’s why I’ve been okay. I come home and I’m not alone, he always wants to spend time with me, know what I’m thinking, wants to make me feel better yada yada yada. I think I got me a good one. 

Now excuse me, this literal fever I have isn’t letting me think clearly. Or coherently. 

[muddledpoppies]

Every now and then, my boyfriend mentions instances where his friends/ family/ coworkers tell him something along the lines of “you need to marry her” and every time I just get so happy because 1) they accept me and 2) he’s not afraid of the idea. idk, just cute shit I feel like I can’t talk to anybody about. 

[msmarvel]

Pretty // Bitchin’

[landneon]

[telodijepalomita]

Cuando Coco era una cocolín. Uno nunca termina de sufrir cuando es un cocoloco, supongo.

  (Adivinen de donde heredó Miguel su hoyuelo)

[agraceful-disgrace]

There’s a difference between being happy and being distracted from sadness

[sylferino]

[avengersonna]

[govthookercoulson]

And here we see Hawkeye, undercover and shooting a gun but still instinctively pulling a bowstring.

[pressplay-music]

Visit Original Link

Jhené Aiko – Remember

[muddledpoppies]

You gave her what we had, yet still there’s no love loss here

[stopstopstopstopstopp-deactivat]

cotton eyed joe gregorian chant nightcore hardcore dubstep remix

[lovingrot]

wheres the . wheres the link

[lovingrot]

wheres the fucking link

[muddledpoppies]

The past days have been really great. Probably perfect. I hope I remember it all once I inevitably fuck it all up. 

[mixedupsotoughinabeautifulway]

[muddledpoppies]

I’m falling in love or whatever and I’m over the moon. I never thought I could feel this way again and I’m so thankful for all the things he’s done in the short time I’ve known him. We’re moving sort of fast as far as mini milestones but he’s met my ‘family’ and I’ve met his and everyone approves of everyone and nothing in my life has ever gone this well. We’re both also expecting ourselves to screw it up because it’s always been inevitable, but I’m really hoping we don’t. 

[muddledpoppies]

The signs as REP songs

aries: Look What You Made Me Do

taurus: Getaway Car

gemini: Gorgeous

cancer: Call It What You Want

leo: End Game

virgo: Delicate

libra: So It Goes...

scorpio: Dress

sagittarius: New Year's Day

capricorn: This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

aquarius: Don't Blame Me

pisces: I Did Something Bad

[paw-leena]

I LOVE

[faesylveon-deactivated20191106]

STUFF TO NOT EVER DO: tell a person with depression/anxiety/eating disorder that their illness makes YOU suffer never ever do this please this is the worst fucking thing you could ever tell someone who is sick

[faesylveon-deactivated20191106]

I got anon hate for this post, keep reblogging it

[thegazingabyss666]

Name a more iconic duo than my fear of abandonment and instinct to self isolate, I’ll wait.