each day mila tries to convince herself to get used to it , to adapt ā to move on but nothing ever settles her nerves , not really . she kept everything too calculated , she was too paranoid to release the tensity that settled in her body on nights like these . it wasnāt routine but occasionally it felt like it was , like on nights with little contact she could anticipate blood stained shirts and growing bruises . it could be worse , she was painfully aware that he could be strewn across the desert in pieces or filled with bullet holes ā then what ? mila would be another widow dressed in black and mourning what could be . but she was far too stubborn to be someoneās sad story , certainly not his . that world , his other world had never bothered her prior to cillian strolling his way into her life . it had become so separated , what should have been two sides of a coin so different but still the same had gradually formed into a hornets nest ( avoidable but a bother , dangerous when poked ) and it was hard for mila to grasp how she ever adjusted to family intertwining themselves so deeply within this world . it was different for them , this wasnāt some distant cousin she only spoke too at family gatherings . cillian was her other half , the sole person she would do absolutely anything for ā what was that worth if he was buried under six feet of dirt ?
the floorboards groan under their shared weight and despite the itch to start an argument living in the back of her mind this was not his fault ā it couldnāt be . she knew him like the back of her hand , regardless of his dramatic charades in pursuing her forever ago he wasnāt a fool . and itās not like they have the ability to predict when particular clients will be shit heads . the red head inhales deeply , stepping forward to close more space between them not giving second thought to the cold wood beneath her bare skin . she was too fixated on him and the marks left by a decent enough hit .Ā ā no , i wouldnāt . i know you better than that , ā the woman whispers back , running her thumb across his split lip softly . gradually , she lifts her view from his bruises to meet his eyes and nearly rolls them at his statement . will be ? her other hand lifts from her side to hold the other side of his face , forcing him to look at her .Ā ā what else do i need to kiss better ?Ā ā itās a poor attempt to lighten the mood but thatās his thing , not hers .Ā ā we both need some sleep .Ā ā
soĀ fewĀ wereĀ theĀ timesĀ thatĀ thisĀ everĀ happenedĀ ,Ā Ā thatĀ hisĀ lifeĀ bledĀ intoĀ theĀ other.Ā thereĀ wereĀ timesĀ whenĀ thereĀ wereĀ tracesĀ ofĀ itĀ ;Ā whenĀ heādĀ walkĀ inĀ theĀ doorĀ ,Ā faceĀ batteredĀ andĀ bruisingĀ ,Ā whenĀ heādĀ Ā forgetĀ toĀ changeĀ hisĀ bloodĀ Ā smearedĀ shirtsĀ beforeĀ gettingĀ homeĀ ,Ā whenĀ heādĀ instinctivelyĀ reachĀ towardsĀ hisĀ thighĀ forĀ aĀ weaponĀ thatĀ Ā was notĀ thereĀ atĀ theĀ soundĀ ofĀ aĀ slammingĀ door.Ā Ā tracesĀ ,Ā Ā butĀ neverĀ outrightĀ instancesĀ likeĀ these . cillianĀ knewĀ thisĀ Ā lifeĀ Ā andĀ theĀ consequencesĀ ofĀ Ā itĀ ,Ā butĀ theĀ momentĀ heĀ metĀ milaĀ ,Ā thingsĀ changedĀ ,Ā andĀ mistakesĀ wereĀ noĀ longerĀ inconsequential.Ā heādĀ broughtĀ herĀ intoĀ hisĀ life ,Ā hadĀ waitedĀ forĀ theĀ dayĀ sheādĀ returnĀ hisĀ affections ,Ā andĀ nowĀ hereĀ theyĀ were ,Ā committedĀ toĀ twoĀ separateĀ lives ,Ā alwaysĀ hopingĀ theyādĀ remainĀ separateĀ fromĀ another.Ā itĀ wasĀ hardĀ notĀ toĀ wonderĀ whyĀ sheĀ stayedĀ ,Ā toĀ wonderĀ howĀ muchĀ sheĀ couldĀ trulyĀ takeĀ beforeĀ itĀ becameĀ tooĀ much .Ā evenĀ cillianĀ knewĀ itĀ wasĀ aĀ matterĀ ofĀ timeĀ beforeĀ oneĀ lifeĀ tookĀ precedentĀ overĀ theĀ other ,Ā andĀ todayĀ hadĀ perhapsĀ illuminatedĀ theĀ urgencyĀ ofĀ makingĀ thatĀ choiceĀ beforeĀ itĀ wasĀ madeĀ forĀ him .Ā Ā
hisĀ eyesĀ trackedĀ hersĀ ,Ā gaugingĀ theĀ wayĀ theyĀ tookĀ inĀ theĀ blotchesĀ ofĀ bruisedĀ skinĀ ,Ā waitingĀ forĀ theĀ reprimandĀ heādĀ surelyĀ deserved.Ā andĀ yetĀ ,Ā onlyĀ calmĀ watersĀ asĀ sheĀ drewĀ nearerĀ ,Ā herĀ tenderĀ caressĀ starklyĀ differentĀ toĀ theĀ violenceĀ perpetratedĀ byĀ hisĀ surelyĀ deadĀ clients .Ā Ā āĀ āfraidĀ youādĀ sayĀ thatĀ ,Ā āĀ cillianĀ chuckledĀ ,Ā fingersĀ slidingĀ underneathĀ theĀ handĀ thatĀ heldĀ hisĀ faceĀ inĀ place.Ā hesitanceĀ cloudedĀ hisĀ featuresĀ ,Ā grinĀ givingĀ wayĀ toĀ aĀ strainedĀ smileĀ asĀ heĀ metĀ herĀ gazeĀ .Ā Ā ā iāmĀ fineĀ ,Ā iĀ justĀ needĀ toĀ makeĀ aĀ fewĀ calls ,Ā theyĀ shouldnātĀ takeĀ long ...Ā Ā āĀ aĀ pauseĀ asĀ heĀ assessedĀ herĀ reactionĀ carefullyĀ .Ā Ā āĀ youĀ donātĀ haveĀ toĀ wait .Ā itāsĀ beenĀ aĀ Ā longĀ night .Ā Ā āĀ Ā heĀ hatedĀ it.Ā heĀ hatedĀ thatĀ heĀ couldnātĀ curlĀ upĀ nextĀ toĀ hisĀ wifeĀ andĀ forgetĀ everythingĀ elseĀ ,Ā hatedĀ thatĀ evenĀ afterĀ everythingĀ thatĀ happenedĀ todayĀ ,Ā businessĀ stillĀ beckoned .Ā Ā āĀ iāmĀ sorryĀ .Ā Ā āĀ Ā
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