Rhi’s Lil Corner @mugwumpington - Tumblr Blog

nuvemzinhacorderosa

I was testing different brushes

pocketss

It was important to me that she puts emphasis on the TOK

nintendometro

Making Music ‘Mario Paint’ Super Nintendo

furiousgoldfish

Thoughts I had growing up abused:

I'm so lucky to be able to have a roof over my head. Some people don't have that much.

I'm lucky my family feeds me, and I have to make sure to eat everything I'm given. Some children don't get to eat.

Imagine how worse things could be for me if my parent was more like (insert an extremely violent criminal you've heard about )

If my parents knew what I was thinking right now they'd kill me (I had angry thoughts)

I need to remember my parents had way worse childhood than me and I'm having it easy so it's normal for them to be resentful and angry at me all the time

They don't mean all the things they say to me, it just gets out in anger because they don't think it's fair for me to have an easier life than they did

I'm sure my parents would act differently if they just understood. They always just think it's not serious when I say anything. It's my fault for joking around sometimes.

I'm sure everyone has it just as bad as me but we don't talk about it.

I wonder how everyone is keeping it together so well if things are this bad for everyone?

I must be the weakest most pathetic out of everyone. I can't have anyone know.

My situation isn't that bad because bad things are not happening all the time. Right now nobody is doing anything to me. So I need to stop feeling like this.

What is wrong with me that I can't feel normal?

If only I got kidnapped/tortured/trafficked. Then my feelings would be explained. Plus I could scream out loud which I really want to do but it would bother people so I don't.

Is it okay for me to exist? Would things be better for everyone if I was gone?

If only I never existed. There's no way out of this now.

I'm selfish for wanting to die because it would upset my parents if they found me dead. They would be so mad I didn't think about them when doing that. I can't be that insensitive.

I just need to get over myself. I'm not that important. It doesn't matter. There's nothing special about me. I'm just being dramatic and making things up.

I thought all of these were normal thoughts to have. They're not. This is the mindset of a child who is cornered, consistently guilty, ashamed, making allowances for people who hurt them and blaming themselves for every symptom of abuse they suffer, while being terrified it would get worse. Abused children are forced to think like that.

misscammiedawn

Somewhere deep in my shitty childhood I was taught that the most loving thing I can do for someone is to not be a burden. To not add my stress to theirs. To become invisible.

Somewhere in my relationships I learned that things cannot be unsaid and that any words spoken will become ammo that is saved up and returned without context or expiration. I was taught to stay silent because spoken words are dangerous.

Slowly but surely an affection style built entirely out of self-erasure became my central pillar.

Unlearning that has not been easy. Learning to endure the discomfort of existing with intention, sharing without apology, taking up space, being selfish, having needs, being vulnerable, requesting support...

I'm so lucky for the partners I have for giving me space to unlearn. For being forgiving when I slip. When I hide. When I return to old scripts.

Day by day I'm learning a new affection style based on being present and intentional. Even if I forget sometimes. I can always get back on the wagon.

hussyknee

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws