I'm an alien with some feline mannerisms on a lifelong quest to gain forgotten knowledge. A void born paradox. A being of alien darkness and force of will living in an absurd universe. Side blog
This is my alterhuman blog and go by the name Sya. I’m a dark tem.plar pro.toss, queer and born in the mid 90's. I’ve been in this community since 2017. I'm fully nonhuman and permanently shifted.
I have vulcan, kr.okul dr.aen.ei, and pterodactyl otherhearted paratypes along with parahearthomes, a cat vaguetype, and multiple flickers of some of my ocs.
On this blog, you’ll find my thoughts/opinions on things. If you have any questions about my experiences or beliefs, let me know and I may answer them depending on what the question is. My posts are under the #my posts tag, My replies to other posts is under the #my reply tag.
I post my longer form essays on my dreamwidth. The links of a few essays I deem important are linked down below.
The essay on my alien experiences is here.
My essay on my metaphysical/spiritual beliefs is: On my beliefs
My post on philosophical explanations for feelings of nonhumanity or otherkinity: On philosophical explanations
If you somehow recognize me from some place else: Shh. No, you don't. I'm not whoever you think I might be.
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I also coined the word exogeiny and mainly use it for my own personal labeling needs and for tagging my posts, but it's not fully necessary to pay attention to it.
#exogeiny babbling are for my more rambling, free form posts, where I might not have a specific topic in mind.
#exogeiny bs are for the really weird experiences that end up surprising and shocking me.
#exogeiny are for the more generalized posts.
#trekcrafting for my Star Trek related posts
On Exogeiny:
The official definition of exogeiny is: Identifying as a species that exists outside of earth. One must also have spontaneous and random experiences attributed to this identity that are outside what is typically considered normal.
More information about this under the cut.
I coined the word ‘exogeiny’ for myself because I never really liked calling myself kin or using the word kintype. Exogeiny is the adjective form of the greek word for alien and literally translates to ‘outside earth’. As I mentioned in a post: even though I use the word alien or alien kin to describe my experiences, I think there’s a better word to explain my personal experiences altogether. In english, alien is another word for something strange or foreign, not just a word for another outer planetary species. Due to my outlook, I don't actually feel like an alien all on my own. I only feel alien when comparing others to myself. I want to classify all of my pro.toss experiences under exogeiny. By experiences, I mean my phantom shifts, mental shifts, memories, resonances, eerie coincidences and the strange attributes and beliefs I have. It’s a lot. I never cared that much about labels but I feel this label will help me. All of this will fall under exogeinic experiences.
For me personally, the involuntariness is incredibly important to me and impacts the way I make sense and connect to these weird experiences and phenomena, even though the community no longer focuses so much on such a distinction and I no longer really care about such rules.
Okay so I hate all forms of ai every single on I font like it's environmental impacts or who it's used, basically the ethical and the personal side of ai, I hate it all. So when ever someone tells me they are an Ai alter human, I don't like them, not beacsue they are alter human, but because they are Ai, I still treat them with respect tho.
This is alterhumisia.
"I don't support x but I still respect them" is a common phrase used to excuse bigotry. And you do dislike them for being alterhuman. They are AI alterhuman, you cannot separate the AI part of their identity from the alterhuman part of their identity. Dislike genAI all you want but these are sentient, living beings you have decided to dislike purely due to the fact that they identify as AI.
Yknow nonhumanity can be mundane too. Not all nonhuman instinct euphoria is like "seeing wild prey somewhere deep in the forest put me in a hawk mindset" sometimes it's like "snatching the good table at the library quicker than the 20 other people waiting for it put me in a hawk mindset"
I haven't felt like writing or going on tumblr for a while now, especially after being more active with a couple of groups on discord, and making friends that I can talk about my alterhuman stuff with. Besides that, I'm extremely out of it from anxiety and moving to a completely new place. But anyway, I have many thoughts about the moon mission and I want to write these things down before i forget.
Again, I feel like I'm getting old and running out of time to do things. I should be more accomplished and have my shit together by now but I dont. I might never do. This is the "future" I expected to live through when I was a little kid, and I feel wholly unprepared because I have nothing to show for it. Just an observing, spectating alien watching things. On top of that, I feel trapped. And this sensation of entrapment seems to be because I don't recognize where I am, have no sort of transportation, and also a bit of never being able to realistically leave earth and go elsewhere quickly and easily.
It was frankly boggling and mindblowing to see earth from a great distance from space and knowing that I was on it in the current moment, as I wasn't around when this happened in the 60s and 70s. It gave me a great way to really comprehend my place here, in this universe. Unlike everyone else who sees earth as home, I see myself as a visitor. I constantly thought to myself, "oh man. There's a literal alien living on that planet, on that specific hemisphere, at that specific latitude and longitude right now. I'm not in the middle of nowhere, (even though the distance of space and earth's isolation does make it seem like that,) I'm at an actual location within space time, standing side ways or upside down on a planet, depending on the viewer. Even as a nonhuman, I felt things about it, but it was through a very different lens of basically the rest of humanity.
And as a former space traveler, I can't do what they did. I'm used to smooth flying ftl flights with artificial gravity, not rocket fuel and at the complete mercy of gravity and other factors. Re entry was the most terrifying thing to watch, freefalling thousands of mph, with no parachutes at first, with plasma building outside the module. If commercial planes unsettle me when they take off and land, so I literally can't comprehend what that was like at all.
For example, I didn't really see it as an achievement of my -own- species. It was more akin to watching a team from another country that I have no sort of relationship with win a race. It was amazing and terrifying at times, and there were touching moments where I was rooting for them, but I felt like I was in the outside looking in. None of these were my achievements, these were humanity's achievements, done by humans much, much smarter than me, so I tip my head crest to them for the accomplishments, even if reaching around the moon is a rather small step in the grandscale of the universe. But when you have no exotic matter available and just rocket fuel, I understand options are limited. I was more boggled at their accomplishments than the other humans around me were. I had a stronger reaction to seeing earth than one of my parents has. Surprised at the apathy of some people.
The team felt united in their common humanity and shared home. Although I am a humanitarian, this unity was something I lacked, even if earth was presently "home,". The closest look at home was when they took a shot of deep space while they were on the back of the moon. My home would be in that direction, in another universe, with a different coordinate system. I logically know that I will never reach home, and it gives me a different scope from almost everyone else. At a maximum distance of ~260,000 miles from earth, it is barely anything. Even still, I felt a bit strange when Capcom lost contact with them. For the first time since I came here, there were humans unaccounted for, outside the earth's sphere of influence. Although in the grand scale of things, they were just across a block from their house, in a huge city that would be the rest of the galaxy. (Although a galaxy would actually be much larger than a single city even at this scale, I'm not exactly sure how large it would be.)
I don't see my reflection in these accomplishments. My form is too tall, angular, and lanky, not fitting the parameters of what a human is, alhough we share much of the same traits as a fellow sapient being. That said, I am not certain why I decided to come here when I did. Surely it would have been better if I arrived a few decades later from now, unless being alive to see the entirety of the 21st century with enough memory to remember all of it to some degree was the point? That said, I don't think humans as a whole are ready to meet other species. But if there were to be ambassadors, these astronauts would do a phenomenal job.
When it comes to politicians, I can't help but feel speechless about the incongruity between what scientists are doing and what the current people in power are doing at the same exact time.
it's been two days and the post about exploring exomemories by writing fanfiction that just *feels* right still won't leave me because that's just how I write regular fanfiction and I never thought it was kind of a fictionkin thing to do so I felt like the kin-equivalent of "wait cis people don't do this?" at that moment
It's just funny because especially the way I write someone appearing in a game I didn't even finish once keeps getting praised, and it's an obscure enough game it doesn't even have a proper wiki or much documentation out there and I haven't even opened the game since starting the story (and the amount of let's play videos etc. has been really low as well), I just have really strong feelings about everyone that are mostly the only thing I rest my writing on.
And aside from writing the characters in the story, the way the story progresses is also (when not just character-driven) also entirely based on what feels right. Not necesssarily *good* at all, in fact often it's rather terrible or even devastating and whenever I try to add wish-fulfillment the plan doesn't last for long or the happier moments just don't last. I don't think it's just my anxiety (diagnosed with GAD), I always felt like I should write it that way because it felt much truer to life in general, I guess?
And on that note, I have found it a mixture of weird and oddly reassuring that so many of my strongest feelings of normal everyday life, often influenced by formative memories of the years before I played the game, fit really well into the story, and/or can trigger seemingly new ideas on how to continue the story. Even totally random things can bring those up, the way something can make you think of a friend or a person you once met and still think about sometimes.
And now someone indirectly suggests to me I might have just been writing out exomemories the whole time? 😅 ... Maybe after reading this you are going to tell me that I seem like a very oblivious person and maybe you're right.
(Also it took me hours to write this because somehow I am so caught between not being comfortable with embracing that but also really not wanting to just reject the possibility either and so had trouble finding words that felt accurate for me.)
I mean, I think it could go either way, honestly. Certainly a lot of fiction writers have described this kind of flow of writing - think about how often you see writers joking about the characters stealing their plot from them and doing things they didn't plan out originally. I think it's pretty natural to, at a certain point, operate kind of based on "well, I know how we got here, so what makes sense to happen next?" and that becoming very instinctive with practice (for some people very quickly). But there is also that factor of it feeling "wrong" to write it any differently - that might just be because it's so obvious to your brain that it makes the most sense for it to go like xyz, but that specific feeling is also something that for many fictionfolk is a flag that it's an alterhuman connection.
Basically - it could be an exomemories thing, but it could also be a totally normal writing thing. As with every individual "symptom" of alterhumanity, it's kind of a question of the larger patterns and of how much it affects your sense of self - if this is something that significantly impacts how you see yourself, if you feel like you genuinely would not be the same person if you didn't have this connection, then it may be worth thinking about, but if not, it doesn't need to be anything "more" than a "huh, weird" thing.
Hopefully that helps at least a little, or at least gives you some food for thought? @karazhan-crew y'all got any thoughts on this to add? (And anyone else, obviously.)
Late reply, but there are patterns I recognize in my own writings. I can only speak for myself but it's more free form when it's not related to my alterhuman identities. There is less internal stress for me to try to get it 'right'. So in this aspect, it's hard to tell what that is just from getting spontaneous ideas. But one difference I found is that I'm more capable of changing the stories I like when it comes to something I have no exomemories of. But when it comes to what I think are exomemories, I can't change what I write. It's fixed, writing it any different would be 'incorrect'.
I also have very bad anxiety and I notice that the stories I normally write can be changed into something happier without much a problem. With my own memories, I usually end up feeling this sort of very cold acceptance to it most of the time, rather than fear. Of course I am sad over what happened and if something reminds me of an event, but I understand it through a more calmer mindset most of the time.
