portfolio of lovers
so i spent this Saturday re-taking id photo with my current boyfriend and we had to wait 2 hours for the result. while waiting, we just aimlessly strolled around, telling each other stories of our past lovers because we never openly talked about it to each other, and at this point it seems necessary to bare it all. he went first. halfway through his story, i already felt like there’s a knot in my stomach. turns out it still hurts just to hear about how someone you’re currently seeing used to date someone else, even though you knew it beforehand. but i still think it’s worse not knowing, especially if someone he used to date still exists in his life. towards the end of his story, i felt like i was discovering a tumor that i thought should’ve never existed because i’ve done a thorough checking on it since i found it was indeed suspicious at first.
you know there’s that thing you do when you recently enter a relationship where you make a mental note of your s.o’s friends of opposite gender and just flag which one is a potential threat or not. i’m aware of this person in his list and early on when i questioned it, he confirmed that she’s a friend so i dismissed it without further question (now that i’m an ‘adult’ i’m prolly not a stage 5 clinger anymore, could pass as stage 4ish la). ikr. so dumb of me, my past self would not even let it go without at least giving it a second look. now i’m not sure whether i should’ve carried out a surgery to remove this relationship tumor or not. i mean, he made it look like it was benign, but it doesn’t hurt to check, i guess? imagine the damage cost if i were to just ignore this, and turns out it’s cancerous??? i think it’s wise to just take another look and remove it before it spreads and causes irreversible damage. wish me luck
