thinking about franz kafka's letters to milena
"And yet it would be a lie for me to say that I miss you, it's the most complete, most painful magic, you are here, as much as I and more intensely; wherever I am you're there as much as I am and indeed more so."
"It's so good to have received your letter and to have to answer it with my sleepless brain. I can't think of anything to write about, I'm just walking around here between the lines, under the light of your eyes, in the breath of your mouth as in a beautiful happy day, which remains beautiful and happy, even when the head is sick, tired, and one has to leave on Monday via Munich. "
"I've lost my way a little, but it doesn't matter, for perhaps you've been following me and now both of us are lost."
"...now I'm thinking only of my illness and my health, though both, the first as well as the second, are you."
"Thine (now I've lost even my name; it has been growing shorter all the time and now it is : Thine)"
"I need all the time and a thousand times more than all the time and if possible all the time that exists, for you, to think of you, to breathe in you."
"...away from you I can't live otherwise than by giving in completely in fear, giving in more than it asks, and I do so without compulsion, with rapture, I pour myself into it."
"I'm tired, can't think of anything and want to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity."
"Robinson, you see, had to sign on, make the dangerous voyage, had to suffer shipwreck and many other things - I would only have to lose you and already I'd be Robinson. But I would be more Robinson than he. He still had the Island and Friday and many things and finally the ship which took him off and almost turned everything into a dream again - I would have nothing, not even a name, this too I gave to you."
"...love is to me that you are the knife which I turn within myself."
"Last night I dreamt about you. What happened in detail I can hardly remember, all I know is that we kept merging into one another. I was you, you were me."
"I won't say good-bye. It is no good-bye, unless it be that gravity lying in wait pulls me down completely. But how could it do this so long as you are alive?"
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