Muntazir. @muntazir - Tumblr Blog

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Oh, it hurts the most cause I don't know the cause

Maybe I shouldn't have cried when you left and told me not to wait

Oh, it kills the most to say that I still care

Now I'm left tryna rewind the times you held and kissed me back

I wonder if you're thinking is she alright all alone?

I wonder if you tried to call, but couldn't find your phone

Have I ever crossed your thoughts because your name's all over mine

A moment in time, don't watch me cry

I'm not crying cause you left me on my own

I'm not crying cause you left me with no warning

I'm just crying cause I can't escape what could've been

Are you aware when you set me free?

All I can do is let my heart bleed

#jorja smith #dontwatchmecry #goodmusic #vibes #onrepeat

I let people back into my life so easily without thinking of the consequences when they walk back out.

But what’s worse,

feeling alone in their presence or

feeling alone in their absence.

I invest in people way too much and end up getting really hurt in the end because I foolishly think they, too, will be invested in my well-being as well.

It’s never the case. Then I just feel even more alone.

This depressive episode is hitting really hard and it’s fucking up all the things I need to do. I’m behind by at least 2 days at work and it’s only getting worse. I can’t get myself to do anything and I hate myself for it.

camewiththeframe

persephonesstrap

This is worse. Looking at these you can tell they have no significant monetary value. They were confiscated as a fear tactic. Nothing more.

arithanas

This picture breaks my heart everytime it appears in my dash. It’s a fear tactic, alright but—

The first one in the left corner: It’s a first communion rosary, and it’s not cheap.

The black one in the first line: That’s a widow rosary and it’s old.

The white one in the second line: is a commemoration rosary. It has a miniature picture in the round part. I haven’t seen that since the 70′s.

In the third line, multicolor one: It’s an Anima mundi, I have only seen those in the hands of Rosary ministery’s old ladies. The oldest ones are from the 80′s after Juan Pablo II came to Mexico for the first time. It’s one of the old ones, I know because the crucifixes are different. The third one on the fourth line: Red and gold. The style is old, the metal is dark, that’s a 50′s rosary, probably a quinceañera one (or it’s maybe older, from the 40′s when the brides carried red roses with their offerings).

The fifth one on the fourth line: It’s a quinceañera rosary with Ignatius’s tear. The style is old and in my part of Mexico is orphan girls who used it. At least it was when I was young. The third one of the fifth line: the blue one with the anchor. That one I have only seen in Veracruz and it doesn’t look new. The fifth one on the fifth line: That’s a 90′s wedding rosary. Black and white patterns were popular on that date. The fourth one on the last line: That’s a first communion rosary from the 30′s. It’s delicate and most probably silver. The rest wrench my heart too, the humble everyday rosaries with wooden beads and knots. Those are cheap and bear the wear and tear of their user handling. But those I described are much more.

Those are mother’s rosaries.

Those are not just rosaries. Those are mementos, that’s the proof of their families stories. They are taking from them the only portable things they can carry to feel the connection to their families. It’s not a fear tactic. Call it like by its name. It’s dehumanization.

the-deep-woods

So I just read this article about how people end up fucking up whatever task they’re doing when they feel like they’re being watched. Scientists have discovered that the sense of being observed actually SHUTS OFF a part of the brain, the inferior parietal cortex.

Given the fact that women are constantly watched in our society, and we are constantly REMINDED that we are being watched by people making fun of fat, “ugly”, or gender-nonconforming women, it makes me wonder how many women have messed up important tasks or projects or just day-to-day activities because A PART OF OUR BRAIN is permanently being deactivated?

Like talk about a fucking handicap.

Women are constantly held under the microscope- whether we are attractive or unattractive, the gaze of patriarchy never ends.

Just last week I was walking my dog and bent over to literally pick up poop. Suddenly I heard whistling and looked up cause I knew I was the only person around. Sure enough, about 300 feet away, some construction worker was perched on top of a building, grinning at me and calling out stuff I luckily couldn’t hear because he was so goddamn far away.

I wonder what it does to women to have this constant source of stress hanging over us, each and every day, knowing we are being scrutinized and examined no matter what we’re doing. I wonder how many more accomplishments, life-changing discoveries, inventions, etc would have been achieved by women if we didn’t have this constant brain-handicap imposed on us by men.

oldmaninatee

This feeling of being watched extends even when we’re alone and affects our abilities- here’s a study where women took a math test while in a bathing suit and performed significantly worse than women fully dressed, even though all the women were alone when taking the test. The men in bathing suits and the men fully-dressed had no significant difference in performance. It is a major fucking handicap.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/247434408_That_swimsuit_becomes_you_Sex_differences_in_self-objectification_restrained_eating_and_math_performance_Correction_to_Fredrickson_et_al_1998

(I don’t remember how to make a cleaner link on my phone, sorry)

talix18

This is AMAZING. It never occurred to me that “Observing a thing changes that thing” includes the eye of the male gaze.

pics-that-make-you-go-hmm

muntazir

Me, in 50 years.

thatadult

a lot of men say they want women to embrace their natural beauty but they really just want women who are already “pretty enough” without makeup to not wear makeup… like, you don’t want someone to show their natural acne and scars and natural hyper pigmentation, you don’t let women have their natural mustaches, chin hair, beards, and unibrows without shitting on them, which is exactly how they grow for a lot of people, etc. you want women to wax and shape their natural brows, remove their natural facial hair and body hair, and do a strict skincare regimen to manipulate the chemistry and physiological processes of their skin to maintain clear unblemished skin and adhere to already existing beauty standards. you just don’t want them to wear the style of makeup you don’t like lol

muntazir

Why can’t there be a male hooter’s equivalent where male servers are shirtless and highly sexualized for their bodies and looks

muntazir

90k notes?!!!!?!?!??! Well damn

A tired 2016

Selfless for so long it feels wrong when selfish inclinations overtake my natural tendency to give without expectation And the worst part of it all is the guilt that builds I can't ever shake it off this is how I'm built I ask God sometimes if this is my test To build up everyone else While I'm free falling No hand outstretched Am I really supposed to do this by myself? Tired. I ask the Lord for sabr every moment I remember All the pains and losses And especially all the heartache There aren't any ex lovers The usual suspects for heavy hearts and heavy losses It's the unexplained pain In my mother It's the explained frustration In my father It's the slightness of wrinkles and grey hairs The barely there tiredness The seconds and weeks That pass too easily And then all at once it's been years And you realize all that you feared was in full view Tired. My mother not her upbeat self, the worry withering her away And I don't even know how much more I can even say Without tying it back to me and her dreams that never came to be Maybe if I didn't follow my own two feet this wouldn't be the situation This is all just speculation But it's enough to keep me up late into the night Even though in just a few I'm due at a desk that doesn't feel right to me But I show up because it's just a check to me It's the temporary relief for this week. I try to absorb the pain that's around me That sometimes rises up because of me I have no children, but countless dependents The aunt who's doctors I speak to in order for her to bring another of her seed into this world The cousins who need higher learning and success more than I do To save their suffering mother from the unspeakable The aunt who's mental health no one can explain, who needs help but doesn't dare seek it for fear she might be labeled and well she wouldn't be able to bear it Selfless, I didn't realize the toll it would have on me Not until I woke up one day realizing I was the one in need To leave all the losses and heartaches in 2016 To awash my mind body and soul in pure white sheets Re born re focused all ready for a better 20-17.

#writing #2016 #new year #my poem

egyptianflowerr

These are the lines a Syrian student wrote in his notebook, which was later found by his teacher in Madinah.

When the war ends in Syria we’re going to close its doors and put a sign that says “nobody can enter”. We’re going to cry out of joy by ourselves, just like we lived our sadness by ourselves.