Author of the Moment

we all have a story to tell

[murdifff]

She swears that there's no difference Between the lies and compliments It's all the same if everybody leaves her

a lyric hasn’t hit me this long in a long time. i used to listen to this song all the time and always loved it but until recently never related as much as I do now.

[murdifff]

i don’t know if the information i’ve just read is accurate but i’m going to choose to believe it is because my spiritual connection to britney has never felt stronger than it does right now - and i didn’t think that was even possible.

britney and I are the same bra size. 

[murdifff]

reblogging myself because i forgot i did this and just died laughing. 

[19lovelymichelle]

[jettestblack-deactivated2017080]

[purplebuddhaproject]

[murdifff]

Dear Friend, You Don’t Have To Understand. But Please Be Patient.

Not that I thought I was above it, but I never thought I’d be diagnosed with depression. My naïve self assumed it was only for people who had been through traumatic experiences – something had to make you depressed. That isn’t always the case.

I was in my junior year of college when I was diagnosed as clinically depressed. Months prior to my diagnosis, I had actually experienced a traumatic event so it would made sense that I would be diagnosed as clinically depressed. However, now looking back, I realize I’ve been battling this for years but had never been treated. I think back to high school, the things I went through, how I dealt with it, and the irrepressible effects depression had on me – insomnia, arbitrary bouts of sadness, loss of interest in things I knew I loved, etc. The signs were all there. I was in high school though and at the time figured it was hormonal.

Prior to my college years, I would never, ever reach out to anyone when I needed someone. I don’t say that like it was a strength of mine, like I could handle everything on my own. I knew I couldn’t handle anything on my own but I didn’t want to burden anyone and I didn’t want people to know about the problems I knew I had. I dealt with everything internally and to be honest, I think it had a lot of damaging affects on my mental and emotional health. 

However, during my college years, I was – I hate to say it – desperately reaching out. But nobody would reach back. It was humiliating and disconcerting that people who I thought were my friends lacked empathy or concern for me. It was the darkest time of my life feeling insignificant to any of my “friends”.

Aside from dealing with the obvious issues that come with anxiety and depression, my biggest battle was having someone, or lack thereof, understand. I felt a lot of alienation from people who A) couldn’t understand and/or B) wouldn’t try to. I wasn’t asking faint acquaintances to understand. It was the people closest to me that I expected to be there for me who weren’t. It not only was painful but also frustrating. 

It made it that much more difficult when someone you called your “best friend” dismisses what you’re going through calling you “dramatic” and “too sensitive”. I exhausted myself trying to explain what I couldn’t articulate and what people immediately rejected as a valid emotional response. Looking back, I should’ve walked away from those relationships and you should too if you have a “friend” who’s using your mental illness against you. I know, because I’ve been through it too, you already feel crazy. We don’t need someone to make us believe it. Those people aren’t your friends. 

The point of this piece is not of self-pity but rather to promote acceptance and understanding as well as offering comfort to those experiencing the effects of mental illness; you are not alone and you are not crazy. Your mind just processes things differently than others and that’s ok.  

Unfortunately, insensitivity and ignorance runs rampant in society. My words may only reach one person, and even then, may not mean anything to that one person. But, if you are reading this and experiencing alienation from others due to a mental illness just know, as cliché as it sounds, you are not alone. I can’t tell you when things will get easier but I know it does. I still battle this everyday and while it’s not easy, it has gotten easier.

Through all of this, I’ve learned to rely on myself again. I struggle with depression and anxiety everyday, sometimes one or the either but sometimes both in the same day. If you’re reading this and you struggle with depression and/or anxiety or any mental illness, feel free to message me. I’m not a doctor but I experience this daily and have for years. If you just need someone to listen to you, I got you! I don’t have the answers as I question things daily myself but I’m an extremely compassionate person and can be there for you to talk through things with! I know sometimes that’s all we need, someone who gets it.

If you don’t have depression, anxiety and/or any other mental illnesses, please keep in mind, just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. At the end of the day, all we’re asking of you is patience. 

[murdifff]

fun fact: when i was little, i thought the words to kokomo were “oh i want to take you down to Kokomo, we’ll get there faster if we take a boat”

[makeuphall]

This is reblog relevant for only today! It`s the day! It`s the FUTURE!

[purplebuddhaproject]

[augustvinyl]

[hplyrikz]

Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

Unknown (via hplyrikz)

Clear your mind here

(via hplyrikz)

[purplebuddhaproject]

http://ift.tt/1hVOJ0n

[murdifff]

i need a creative outlettttttttttttttt

[murdifff]

Is it ok to expect some level of loyalty even if you’re just “talking”?

I say, “YES!” without a doubt.

I also say thisiswhysomanyofmypastpotentialrelationshipshavefailed.

We’ve all been there. You meet someone, you text back and forth for a few days, talk about eventually meeting up again (or in this day and age, for the first time). You start to realize you have a lot in common with this person. You enjoy talking to them, you “get them” and they “get you”. You may have met up with this person a few times or maybe it hasn’t been in the cards for you to do so yet but you still communicate with each other multiple times a day.

Anyone with common sense knows that good relationships have a solid foundation made of trust and loyalty. But when and how does that start if one person can’t commit to the other from the beginning. If I can’t trust that you aren’t talking to several other girls the way you’re talking to me and we aren’t even dating, how can I trust that you wouldn’t do that in the event that we do?

I don’t think that’s “asking too much”. I’m aware we’re not “together”. But, are you aware that we never will be if I can’t trust you? It doesn’t mean we have to go 0-100 (real quick) and jump straight in to a relationship. But I don’t have time to put in energy to build something if all you’re doing is slowing the process.

If you can’t decide whether or not that you see a future with me, then I’ll make the decision for you.

In my experiences with this bullshit, I’ve never wanted to go straight in to a relationship. I enjoy the process of getting to know someone. But I don’t want to get involved with someone who’s involved with other people regardless of what level it’s at. You’re asking me to be ok with being just another girl.

You can only light one [roman] candlewick at a time. (If you’re going to get literal, yes, you could probably light several wicks at a time but let’s be real, it isn’t easy. And if you’re the person who would try lighting several wicks at a time to counteract what I’m hypothetically saying, then I hope it hypothetically blows up in your face…also, you’re probably the person this article is about) I get that it isn’t always fireworks at the beginning. But if there’s a spark, if there’s potential for fireworks…why are you allocating your damn flame to several other people’s wicks? Ya feel me?

I will say, these kinds of people usually don’t even want a relationship to begin with. They don’t want to be tied down. They clearly aren’t ready to be serious about anything and commit their time, energy, and attention to one specific person. These people, like many of us have been, are going through their selfish phase. Everyone’s entitled to that phase but not at the expense of someone else’s feelings.

Some of us…hi…don’t want to played, we don’t want to be a hookup or a fling. If things between us don’t go anywhere, then hey, we tried. But I can’t get down with an ambiguous “relationship”.

You deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated. Don’t waste your time on someone who isn’t ready for the love you have to give.

[wordsthatrhymesometimes-blog]

[wordsthatrhymesometimes-blog]

[wordsthatrhymesometimes-blog]