You just stumbled across the mythical. Murple. Durple…
INTRO POST!!!
Ok where should I start
What to expect on my blog:
what do I post?
-some random ass thing I think of that I find silly
-my thoughts on important and relevant world events, like the Minecraft movie trailer.
-foreshadowing
-literal psychotic rambling
-goofing off with my mutuals and friends!!! @the-real-gmail @same-pic-rick-roll @sushi1056 @definitelygoodwill @flipperoclock @bees-official @hawaii-official @fake-microsoft-outlook @a-random-dumb-assss @helloimaceandgay are all people that I sometimes interact with
-stuff going on in my personal life
-art(rare)
-rants(common)
- callbacks and resolutions
What I won’t post
-no more GroupMe screenshots ;( those are on my side blog!!!! https://www.tumblr.com/murpledurple-groupme-shenanigans
Posting crazy GroupMe interactions (it was taking up too much space on my main blog) @murpledurple
- DONT SEND ME DONATIONS ASKS I HAVE FIVE DOLLARS AND IM KEEPING THEM. Also it makes me feel bad so.
Ok. Now most people are allowed to see below. However. I know some irl friends might be looking here. Let this be known. MY TUMBLR CAN NOT GET OUT OK PLEASE DONT LOOK PLEASE IM BEGGING I HAVE SECRETS THAT YALL DONT KNOW PLEASE.
But if you’re not an irl friend from school or wherever then you’re good to go
What you might already know:
I’m a cis man (he/him) and by man I mean boy. As in. MINOR. So don’t be creepy.
I’m bi! That’s fun…
Oh and because I know for a fact that that cut did not deter my irl friends, DONT FUCKING TELL ANYONE IM BI PLEASE
I live in the amazing and not at all bad and very good nice place of Atlanta GA
I love the Beatles more than my family (guys this is a joke I love my family)
I have a dog!! His name is Jesse and he’s the greatest creature on the planet
Now that I’m thinking about it, you guys don’t really know much about me so here’s some…
New info
I am in high school. You probably could’ve figured this one out
I am a 16 year old toddler
My name is Jacob! Call me anything you want most people call me murple, Jacob or Jake
I’m Jewish. And even more fun and not annoying at all, I’m an observant Jew, meaning I keep kosher, observe the sabbath, etc.
Oh! And if you give me any shit about that? I will find you.
I love classic and alt rock. Y’all already know my obsession with the Beatles but I also like Radiohead, Pink Floyd, David Bowie, Rolling Stones, queen, nirvana, etc.
My mothers maiden name, my credit card info, up address, home address, and id can be found here
My fatal flaw is that I can get carried away in the bit. I commit to the bit so hard that it stops being funny and people think I’m being serious. Prob should use tone indicators when this happens (as I’ve been told by multiple people) but I’ll probably forget
I am the founder of the BLICE GANG!!! If you wish to join just let me know and I’ll send you a badge for you to put on your pfp (I have one on rn if you want to see what it looks like)
i finally accept that i didnt have a childhood or adolescence and i know theres nothing i can do about it but i dont want to just be some boring random person who missed everything and i just want to start it all over from the beginning so that i can live a normal life and learn to socialize and make friends instead of making my first friends at 16 and abandon them at 17 and only ever have social interaction outside of school if im invited to a birthday party because my mom needs to make sure im being perfect because im an untrustworthy fuckup who needs to be monitored with six fucking airtags on me at all times and that date-crashing guilt-tripping brainwashing cock-blocking narcissistic control freak cant handle the idea that one of her offspring is defective and doomed to be rejected by all colleges and not be able to provide for myself, a family, or most importantly, her, when she did such a good job dismantling each and every vital aspect of my life since the day i was fucking born and how could i not be perfect when i have been on at least five different medications at any given moment since i was six years old so i could be cured of all of my imperfections and sheltered from the evil and corrupting ideas of social interaction and friendship, which im sure isnt important to the development of a child at all. i have been doomed to never go to a party, never have a real intimate relationship, never express myself through clothing or style or hair, never know who i actually am because all i have to be is perfection and anything other than that makes me dangerous and threatening and needing to be fixed or corrected but its a hopeless situation so its not going to be her fault when i wash up dead at 20 with no one to miss me and no one to notice im gone. i am literally no one, my mom has systematically eliminated the possibility for me to develop an identity whatsoever other than a pathological lier because that’s the only way you can look perfect and if you have no experiences you have to make up your own and at this point ive gotten so good at lying to myself about my own past that the only thing allowing me to tell the difference between fact and fiction is the empty feeling inside that tells me ive done nothing and I am nothing, i am the body of a human infant that was pumped full of drugs and kept in a dark closet for 18 years and i can see out into the world, and long, but i can never leave the closet because the people in the real world will make me imperfect and i have to be perfect i have to be. oh but now poor mommy has a son whos a loser, why would he make himself a loser and a social reject and an unlovable insufferable isolationist who doesnt know how to interact with people or hangout with people. Why cant he just go to a party with his buds? Why cant he just take his girlfriend to the park? He should be perfect by now, right? What happened? Why would he do that to himself? And i lie and i lie and i lie and i lie and nothing gets done and I just sit and I stare and i stare and i stare and i cry and i sit and i stare and i think about how the guy who sits next to me in english is probably at some alt store with his girlfriend buying a belt and smoking and how the girl from spanish class just posted a video of her making out with some guy at a party and how my ex is at a sleepover and how im just sitting here on my fucking bed like i do every fucking day and like i will do every fucking day until i die because unlike them, im not supposed to have a life im just supposed to sit here and be perfect and take up space in my room until i take up space in the ground but i dont want that to happen because those lies i tell myself about how i adventured through the nonexistent woods with a nonexistent best friend and how i got lost in the nonexistent city with a nonexistent girl i had a nonexistent crush on feel good and i want to do that and i lie and i lie and i lie because thats what i want my reality to be and maybe if i keep lying itll come true and. how do i live? i never learned how.
i finally accept that i didnt have a childhood or adolescence and i know theres nothing i can do about it but i dont want to just be some boring random person who missed everything and i just want to start it all over from the beginning so that i can live a normal life and learn to socialize and make friends instead of making my first friends at 16 and abandon them at 17 and only ever have social interaction outside of school if im invited to a birthday party because my mom needs to make sure im being perfect because im an untrustworthy fuckup who needs to be monitored with six fucking airtags on me at all times and that date-crashing guilt-tripping brainwashing cock-blocking narcissistic control freak cant handle the idea that one of her offspring is defective and doomed to be rejected by all colleges and not be able to provide for myself, a family, or most importantly, her, when she did such a good job dismantling each and every vital aspect of my life since the day i was fucking born and how could i not be perfect when i have been on at least five different medications at any given moment since i was six years old so i could be cured of all of my imperfections and sheltered from the evil and corrupting ideas of social interaction and friendship, which im sure isnt important to the development of a child at all. i have been doomed to never go to a party, never have a real intimate relationship, never express myself through clothing or style or hair, never know who i actually am because all i have to be is perfection and anything other than that makes me dangerous and threatening and needing to be fixed or corrected but its a hopeless situation so its not going to be her fault when i wash up dead at 20 with no one to miss me and no one to notice im gone. i am literally no one, my mom has systematically eliminated the possibility for me to develop an identity whatsoever other than a pathological lier because that’s the only way you can look perfect and if you have no experiences you have to make up your own and at this point ive gotten so good at lying to myself about my own past that the only thing allowing me to tell the difference between fact and fiction is the empty feeling inside that tells me ive done nothing and I am nothing, i am the body of a human infant that was pumped full of drugs and kept in a dark closet for 18 years and i can see out into the world, and long, but i can never leave the closet because the people in the real world will make me imperfect and i have to be perfect i have to be. oh but now poor mommy has a son whos a loser, why would he make himself a loser and a social reject and an unlovable insufferable isolationist who doesnt know how to interact with people or hangout with people. Why cant he just go to a party with his buds? Why cant he just take his girlfriend to the park? He should be perfect by now, right? What happened? Why would he do that to himself? And i lie and i lie and i lie and i lie and nothing gets done and I just sit and I stare and i stare and i stare and i cry and i sit and i stare and i think about how the guy who sits next to me in english is probably at some alt store with his girlfriend buying a belt and smoking and how the girl from spanish class just posted a video of her making out with some guy at a party and how my ex is at a sleepover and how im just sitting here on my fucking bed like i do every fucking day and like i will do every fucking day until i die because unlike them, im not supposed to have a life im just supposed to sit here and be perfect and take up space in my room until i take up space in the ground but i dont want that to happen because those lies i tell myself about how i adventured through the nonexistent woods with a nonexistent best friend and how i got lost in the nonexistent city with a nonexistent girl i had a nonexistent crush on feel good and i want to do that and i lie and i lie and i lie because thats what i want my reality to be and maybe if i keep lying itll come true and. how do i live? i never learned how.
Remember folks, you have to be dating someone without liking them for exactly a year or more for it to be leading them on. If you break up on day 364, you’re all good, don’t worry about it!
