She moves like underwater, a creature from another world, fins for legs and stars for eyes. Sluggish as he is, thereโs something warped and garbled about the way she speaks: her mouthโs moving but his ears arenโt receiving yet, as if the words are stuck somewhere halfway between them, somewhereโ Arthur glances. The PASIV sits on a small clinical side table with wheels, immobile and material. Itโs not leering red anymore. Energyโs powered down, the thing looks almost like itโs sleeping.
Itโs hard to imagine he can grow to love it one day but he wants to try. He wants to.
โI- I donโt-โ He tries to talk but his tongue feels thick, furry. He clears his throat. Theyโve only been under for five minutes? He takes her word for it, even when his body wants to pull him back into the deep sleep the drug simulated so terrifyingly well.
He doesnโt know yet that every time he lets it in, he buries realย deep sleep under another handful of dirt.ย
Operation Dreamscape shoveled the ditch, and now thisโโthis quiet dreaming, this new drug Malโs working on, the way she pulls him deeper and deeper into the labyrinth as if by a golden threadโฆ itโs like a dirge to some part of his brain that wonโt come back from this. But what visionary hasnโt had to pay blood money on the trails that blazed scientific discovery?ย
Arthur blinks, temples pounding. His head is so full ofโ ofโ thoughts, no impressionsโ he thinks of the PASIV, the somnacin, theโ theโ Mal, Mal, a Venus looming above them, ready to swallow them whole; earrings as large as tires tumbling down the Ponte Vecchio. Arthur remembers locking his eyes on the horizon and seeing there the marble columns of an old Tuscan country villa, perfectly aligned against a perfectly azure sky. So much blue.ย
So much red, too, in the way Mal painted a sunset across that impeccable sky.ย
He blinks again, and rubs his palms against his eyes. Sheโs by his side, and heโs barely moved his hands from his face that she taps a finger to his temple, and he has to think of Michelangelo, Creazione di Adamo, the Sistine Chapel.ย
Have they lost time? Stolen it? Or createdย more, on this their seventh day of rest from Operation Dreamscape?ย
He blinks at her. He blinks. What else is one to do in the presence of a creator?ย
Then he tries again.ย โIโโ Thereโs a small plastic bottle of water by the side of his chair. Itโs tepid and it tastes gross, but it wets his throat and grounds him in the here, in the now.ย โI donโt know. Mais cโest pas pareil. Rien nโest pareil aprรจsโฆ aprรจs cela.โ
Arthur sits. It makes him dizzy; of course it does. French lies heavy on his tongue, like whiskey sometimes does on the next morning, and the comparison makes him huff. Yeah; heโs hungover, alright. Hungover on dreams. Waxing poetic on a married French lady in Kandahar.ย
Life couldnโt make this shit up.
And sheโs asking himโ
โAre you asking me,โ he starts, very slowly, still getting the taste for the words, all the while figuring out what it is that Mal means,ย โthatโs a hypothetical question, right? โฆwell, I.โ He chews it over for a moment, teeth worrying his bottom lip.ย โI dunno. Itโs all relative, right? Everything is.โ Plus รงa change.ย โDepends on what youโre stealing and who youโre stealing it from, and on your motive, of courseโฆ hypothetically speaking.โย
Oh, he has a sweet face; sometimes she forgets quite how young he is, but then, other times, itโs too easy to remember, to slip into the habit of being patronising, being maternal. He has that cusp-of-adulthood look about him, astride two worlds; itโs especially easy to forget when heโs out of uniform, like now. When they had first met him, sheโd looked at Dom and narrowly resisted the urge to say, like a child at Christmas, oh, can I keep him? She likes the way he draws his youth about him like a shield and hides behind it, and she likes also how he dares people to underestimate him, with the crinkle between his brow and the determined set to his jaw. She likes all of these things, which is why she feels oh so terribly guilty about showing him how the PASIV works.
Not soย guilty, however, that she doesnโt want to test him. Itโs a habit learned from her father, who excels at it, the teasing out of knowledge from those more clever than himself. He had done it with Dom, in San Francisco, more than six years ago, had been thrilled to discover that this new hire he had brought on board with only vague hopes for had turned out to be, perhaps, the best of them all; he had done it to Mal, in her childhood, sat in the Tulleries gazing up at the great statue of Leda and the Swan, and what do you think of that?ย The gentle nudge of a born teacher: follow that thought to its conclusion. Where is she leading Arthur? These days, Mal doesnโt know where sheโs headed, let alone someone elseโs path. All she knows is that itโs dangerous, and itโs intoxicating, and it might get him killed, but it also might be the best thing that ever happened to him.
Mal has been working on the compound recently, trying to limit the after-effects; God, when she thinks of those early days, it used to make them sick, like the worst kind of hangover, she remembered spending days on the sofa with Dom recovering, before they were in love, making him cups of coffee and listening to him whine; maybe that was why she had loved him so firmly, because heโd held her hair back so well. Now itโs much better, but thereโs still that lingering sensation of nausea, like stepping off a boat and finding the dock unsteady under your feet. When she sits up her mind swims, she feels giddy. Like morning sickness; her hand creeps to her stomach in remembered sympathy. Her elbow, where the IV had been, aches in sympathy too. Once they get back home to Paris sheโll take a test, sheโll confirm things, because then sheโll have to stop dreaming, but for now...
Hypothetically speaking; she laughs again and is glad to find that she feels a little more steady, swinging her feet round so they touch the dusty floorboards, stretching them out, admiring her small toes with a vain tilt to her head.ย โItโs all hypothetical, of course,โ she confirms, and her tone falls into the pattern of her fatherโs, teacher, professor,ย โbut I wonder what there is that is...โ she casts around for the English word,ย โstealable, is that correct? What can be stolen from our minds.โ She smiles at him, a little wry, a small amount of disrespect in the curl of her lip:ย โafter all, our employers have shown very well that things can be lost in dreams. Humanity. Conscience.โ She thinks briefly of Operation Titania, though of course, thank God, Arthur had not been involved then, in those dark and distorted early years of dreamsharing when they had had Dom building cellars and basements with steel chairs and handcuffs and endless weapons. As for motive...well, on this she remains silent and sips her water.