Trying very hard not to joke about watching one of my personalities commit suicide. The sad bitch never came back from that, and the voices in my head haven’t sounded that single before
Feeling like that P&P meme, “you came all this way on foot to see your sister? This way” (or how it goes, I saw it once, I saw it twice, and then it was gone, and I can’t find it anymore)
But instead of Netherfield, it’s a whole damned abandoned wooden village
Tovarischtsch, в нашей деревне одна Пятерочка, нет суши, на дорогу выходят медведи, и поколение альфа прыгает в речку, избив палками крапиву – скажи, тебе оно надо?
Technically, I’m supposed to be writing my book but they didn’t pay me on the specified by the contract dates (and not answering my emails) so I don’t feel like writing the fourth book and rather write a fanfic instead
Okaaaay, three emails, and complaining on tumblr - that’s what makes them to pay me. I’m almost sure they follow me (they don’t). But they definitely sensed me opening a pad to write a fanfic and not the fourth book… Damn sneaky publishers
💖Just a gentle nudge to remind you that you're not just existing—you're thriving, even on days when it doesn't feel that way. You're a one-of-a-kind force in this world, bringing light and love in ways you might not even realize. You've overcome so much, and you should be proud of every step you've taken, no matter how small. The world is better with you in it, and you've already made such a difference just by being you. Keep going, keep growing, and never forget how important you are💖
Thank you 🌷❤️🫶❤️
I’ve been off any socials (you’re noticed). Kinda needed space for just myself, and nobody else.
You can just ignore the rest, I’m ranting to get it out of my system
I’m back. Anyway
So I went to a psychologist (for the first time in my life), and after listening to what happened to me in 2020 (but still haunting) she (a very frightened woman) said:
“After what you’ve seen people either become suicidal or homicidal”
And I laughed. Because I thought it was a joke.
… it was not.
But that’s how I ended up at a psychiatrist poking at me if I’m contemplating k!lling the person who did “that”. *
*Saying she wouldn’t ever be happy unless I’m dead and being disappointed I survived a situation no one else did because I literally dragged myself to the hospital with everything broken and bleeding, and lost too much blood to stay alive. I did. Because I didn’t- want - to die. Apparently, that’s an option. If you swear at the light at the end of the tunnel and the person waiting for you there hard enough- they decided they don’t want you, and you can go back.
Spoiler: the “she” is my birth mom
Spoiler 2: no, I don’t want her dead, I want her to suffer in the pathetic bubble she’s created for herself for a very veeery long time. Since she cares about her plastic world so much and having a chronically child breaks it.
She kinda thinks all chronically ill/disabled people should be k!lled off because they are broken, and everything broken must be destroyed. I was born broken. She used to blame me for being born but I never cared because “being born” wasn’t my choice. It was hers (she wanted an abortion, actually, but didn’t do it). But “surviving” is, technically, my fault. It was, after all, my choice. Give up and die, or stand up and walk with everything broken and bleeding (the ambulance never came because they deemed my call “not important”. It was covid era, they stopped coming for anything but COVID)
Dunno. I am just ranting at this point yet my friends don’t seem to get the crucial difference between “it’s your fault being born” and “it’s your fault you survived”. I told two people about this. They think both are horrid but I actually find the first one mildly entertaining. Blaming people for things that were not their own choice is… dunno, hilarious. I see it as yelling at a birds rolling in the sand. We have a superstition, like, if sparrows are bathing in the sand, it’s gonna rain today. But you aren’t supposed to be blaming the sparrows for the rain, are you? It’s just backwards. People made it up, what does it have to do with the birds?.. And if you made a baby - you don’t blame the baby for being born, you’re a fking adult and knew what you were doing, you had an abortion before
Technically, I’m supposed to be writing my book but they didn’t pay me on the specified by the contract dates (and not answering my emails) so I don’t feel like writing the fourth book and rather write a fanfic instead
2087
kianamaiart
stormborns
areudirty
dededos
tangentwithtanner
romaincrisis
