My life has been a continuum of events that have led me to where I am today. I know this seems cliché, but I see this more clearly now than I had once before. My family, work, and school experiences are closely intertwined that I could not discuss one without the other. It is very hard for me to describe my family because dysfunctional is an understatement. I usually ask people if they have watched the show “Shameless” and the dysfunction in the show is one I can strongly relate with. My educational experiences are a little untraditional, but I do not regret the path I went on. Even though at times things were rough and life continues to be challenging I have no choice but to continue one. This bleeds nicely into my work experiences because even though I’ve hated many of my jobs, they provided an escape out of other areas of my life I could not handle. Also, the knowledge of the real world and realizing that it does not revolve around me. My family in an unconventional way equipped me with tools I am very grateful for today.
First, I will begin with my foundation aka family. My mother has always been a free spirit and very liberal in her beliefs. My father was Muslim but a westernized early on in their marriage. My family lived in Saudi Arabia for a short time period and was held up at gunpoint by local Muslims. He was not awake for the Morning Prayer, so the gunman did not believe he was a true Muslim. I was not alive yet, but the rest of my siblings were, one of my brothers being a newborn. After reciting some prayers for the men, my family was let go. This is a significant event because my father changed after this and decided to dedicate himself fully to the Islamic religion. This created a slow breaking of my mother and fathers marriage. I was brought into the world at the tail end of their marriage. When I grew up, my father was a fundamentalist Muslim, my sister was a drug addict, my brother was in and out of jail, and my other brother was a party boy. By the time I came around, my mom was more lax on parenting; needless to say, she was worn out. She was my best friend, but she was not always my mother. When my mom and father got divorced, I seldom talk to my father. My mom traveled a lot and I was left in the house alone with my siblings. Long story short, I followed my siblings’ path with no respect for authority and began using drugs. When I was 15, I went to rehab and remained there for two years. During my time in rehab, my family only got worse. My sister went to prison twice, my brother told everyone that he was gay and got HIV, and my other brother could not get his life together, so decided to join the army when my mother cut him off several years later. I tried my best to provide hope and a good example for my family. This leads my life into my schooling experiences.
As I stated before, I had a really hard time with authority even from a young age. This made school difficult and I would get in confutations with teachers. However, I have always loved to learn. I made good grades all through school, but I always had disciplinary issues. My mom always said, “You would love college but until then you needed to play the system.” I did not listen, obviously. When I started using drugs at a very young age, I became more violent. My home life was insane with sibling in and out of jail and the hospital and school was not much better. I was bullied a lot through out my school years; drugs and fighting became my escape. When I went to rehab at 15, I started doing an independent schooling system. I never had to go to class and I did packets at home. It took a lot of self-discipline, but was probably much easier than an average high school. I graduated a semester early and began working full-time.
My working experiences are key to changing the tone to this paper. I was two years sober when I starting working. I work at a breakfast restaurant and work 35 hours a week. I loved it. I was able to escape reality and get paid for doing it. I did not have to rely on anyone and I saw myself different than the rest of my family for the first time. Now, working was not all fun and games. I became aware of the troubles of “hanging up your jacket at the door”, by this saying I mean my troubles began to bleed. At this time when my sister overdosed and then went to jail, it was difficult for me to not let that affect my work life. I became obsessed with money and started not being a team player. At the time, I thought it was just that particular company I worked for, so I decided to switch jobs. I wasn’t satisfied like I once was. Until I went to college, I found another escape. I worked full-time and took a full school load for two years. My personal life was lacking, but I did not have time to think. I loved not having time to think. I was able to work hard in both areas and also get noticed (sometimes). Learning is what I knew; I particularly loved politics.
At this time I would like to switch gears and state how these events changed my perspectives, attitudes, relationship, and of course, life. My mother had a hard time blending, the half-Pakistani and half-traditional American, family and no had experience of the issues that come up. When I was bullied and called a terrorist growing up, I decided to stop telling people the true location of my father’s birth. I was insecure and embarrassed. I just want to be “normal”. My family shared the same burden and it broken the older siblings down. When I was in rehab and working, I supplied money for my family. I would western union my brother money and would only buy my sister food because of her heroin addiction. I felt helpful and good about myself for a while doing this. Eventually, I began to feel worn out. I was still in AA and insecure and unhappy. I would feel accomplished for my school and work but I felt alone and different. I decide to leave the life I knew since 15 of sobriety and start a new way of living. This decision changed all aspect of my life more than I would have ever guess.
For so long, I formed friendship based on the right people I was suppose to hang out with. I decided to have people in my life that lifted me up just a much as I lifted them up. I wanted my life from here on out to be how I wanted and not live for anyone else anymore more or just always do what others said, “I am suppose to do”. I began taking risking. I studied abroad in Europe and learned about interacting with a random group of people you do not know for a long period of time. Finally, beginning happy again I was not sure how to be. At first, I was judgmental. I held my self on some sort of pedestal. I learned quickly the effects of doing that. After all of this, I was not able to handle my life as well. My priorities were beginning to become out of place. I was working full-time at a restaurant and sometimes overtime on top of four classes at school. I wanted to be the best employee, the best student, and spend time with friends. My job did not facilitate the best environment. I was bullied by another employee, worked long hours without recognition and my co-workers seemed to not care.
This affect my school life because I was so focused on my job not appreciating me. Instead of finding a new job I continued to work there. I became very unhappy again. I felt distance once again with the people around me. Also during this time, my sister built a co-dependent relationship with me. She needed me every second of the day for advice and validation. My mental state could not handle this on top of a school and work load. I do not know what the right or wrong thing to do is, but I had to set up boundaries. During this time period, my father disowned me. I tried to reach out to him and he stated me wanted nothing to do with me. Even though, I never have had a great relationship with him, I am not going to lie, it hurt. He was still helped my brother and sister out because they would be 30 living on the streets due to their paths. I did not understand why because I was doing well and I did not receive support.
I went through a short time period of worry hurt and decided I need to do something different. I realized that my job is not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and the environment was not something I wanted to be a part of. I quit my job after I had enough money saved. I also realized that in that huge company, I was just another employee and the company did not revolve around my needs. It did not matter what restaurant it was because for my career I did not want to be a server. I knew from this experience that I wanted a career that I loved and was passionate about. I want to be important to the place I work. I do not know how realistic all of this is and leads me to not know what job I want. I am a political science major and I love everything I am learning. I am also a public policy minor and enjoy advocating causes and managing people. After working in the restaurant industry for so long, I saw the “politics” that have to be played in certain work environments and how to work with all different types of people. My family showed me the difficulties in separating the pain in life from school or work.
This changed my perspective for not judging people. I love my family and they are anything but perfect. I cannot judge people around me because everyone has been through their own experiences that have shaped their lives. I am no better or worse than anyone. I am imperfect and I have to accept this to enjoy life. I was able to form a confidence around doing what is best for me and helping others within my means. I took a step back from my family because at this point I was nothing but enabling them. My father showed me that things happen in life that hurt but that does not mean happiness can not still exist during those times. I cannot blame my family for anything but making me stronger. I am not a victim of my life events but I am searching for balance. When I had this revelation, I wanted to be myself and no longer worried about what is normal or not. I would like to make a difference in this world and I believe I can. However, the path to get there I am still unsure about.
