#1 MALAMAR FAN

Malamar is the best pokemon! I am saying this of my own free will. Any pronouns.

[my-friend-malamar]

Your Friend Malamar is Here!

Malamar is a Good Friend, and wants to be Your Friend too! Won't you be a Friend of Malamar?

---

ooc:

This is a horror-comedy blog. trigger warning for general loss of autonomy, death, and some mild body horror.

Plot:

Malamar is a Good Friend. They were taught how to be a Good Person by their trainer, who they call Computery Friend (because they are always on their computer). The world, however, is full of people who aren't Good Friends, and in fact, is kind of shitty.

Malamar doesn't like that.

Computery Friend told Malamar that to get along with people, they have to "try and understand what they're thinking" and "see from their point of view". So Malamar wants to make EVERYONE into one mind, so that everyone understands everyone and no one is mean ever again.

Due to a first-time mega evolution due to an attack on Computery Friend, this resulted in the death of Computery Friend and mass hypnotism. Malamar is completely in denial that Computery Friend is gone, and is using psychic energy to essentially control their body so they can pretend Computery Friend is okay and still here and happy and Malamar's Friend.

Malamar does NOT know that they are Hypnotizing ANYONE. they Are, but they don't know that. They just think that because they're a Good Friend, other people want to be Friends with them, and that's the end of that.

The hypnotism of Malamar has some... side effects, however. Fatal side effects. Though, Malamar doesn't know that...

Current Arc:

Malamar has figured out that their friend is dead and has let everyone go from hypnosis. However, this did not make things Better. it made it Worse. A Lot Worse. #computery friend malamar is the tag that has all the lore to catch up on!

[my-friend-malamar]

Wow, your universe must really hate Pokemon's autonomy because they are clearly sentient. Like, you've seen what the malamar was writing here, right? That seemed too coherent for a nonsentient entity.

(the following is an excerpt from a scrap of paper, torn off of an unknown report)

Several Pokemon have proven capable of mimicry of human language, as well as mimicked emotional responses, though such responses were lessened in pokemon not raised or kept long-term under the ownership of a human trainer. Malamar, due to their increased brain mass and enlarged nervous system, are capable of this at an increased level, heightened moreso by the Subject's Partial Mega Evolution. This Partial Mega Evolution seems to cause the Subject to show an increase in distress mimicry, though it has resulted in a prolonged increase in brain activity and psychic energy release, and the usual two hour time window on Mega Evolution has been surpassed by several weeks.

Further physiological study is required.

[my-friend-malamar]

Are you really arguing that pokemon don't feel pain? Are you at all qualified to work with pokemon in any context? Especially a medical one?

All employees at the K.D.A are licensed and accredited professionals and operate fully under the jurisdiction of the Kalosian League, with all action taken fully following Kalosian Law.

Pokémon are classified as Non-Sentient, and are either Natural Forces or Trainer Property, proven in 1964 in the Kalosian Supreme Court, according to A.Zagré v Kalos.

[my-friend-malamar]

The things that you're doing to the Malamar, would you do them to a Lillipup if you had to? Or a Skitty? If that was somehow necessary, wpuld you be willing to do that?

The K.D.A is fully prepared to do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of the nation and all citizens.

A Skitty and Lillipup are both Class D threats, and therefore neutralization would not be necessary outside of very specific and abnormal circumstances. The Subject (001) is a Class Z, and will be handled according to K.D.A procedure.

[my-friend-malamar]

Why can't you at least keep the malamar in its ball? You seem to have had problems containing it, yet ignore the obvious solution.

That information is confidential at this time. No further questions.

[Note from Agent B-042: Wait, why aren't we putting the Subject in its Ball?]

[Note from Agent A-084: It needs to be kept aware for research purposes. Making it lose consciousness in the ball is counterproductive.]

[Note from Agent B-013: Can't we induce consciousness in the ball? This seems... less than humane]

[Note from Agent A-084: It's not a human, ********.]

[Note from Agent B-013: But it keeps screaming-]

[Note from Agent A-084: The noise is a defense mechanism, not indicative of higher functioning, reasoning, or a complex pain response. There are studies on this.]

[Note from Agent B-013: But it seems like it's alive-]

[Note from Agent B-042: Look, ********, pokemon are- it's like a plant. It's alive, but you wouldn't complain about us torturing asparagus by cooking it, would you? It's not inanimate, but it's not like it has feelings.]

[Note from Agent B-013: ... Of course not, sir.]

[Note from Agent A-084: What a waste of a conversation - Agents B-10-23, please start procedure ****-**-]

[Error: This feed has been interrupted suddenly. Please reload and try again.]

[my-friend-malamar]

I didn't even like the malamar but you people are being very mean to it right now.

The K.D.A is dedicated to your Safety. You are Safe right now.

Likes and feelings are irrelevant in the face of danger. Safety is paramount, more than ever, and the K.D.A is more than dedicated to ensuring your safety. No matter what it takes.

[my-friend-malamar]

You're probably right to do this KDA

Not only did Malamar hypnotise people but it also kills them. Can you imagine that?? Dying like that??

Alone and under someone else's control??

It's a terrifying thought

Going somewhere one moment being gone the next

To feed some Pokemon's ego

Be so for real if you disagree with this

Okay I'll stop talking so much now

(ooc: first word of each heheheh)

The K.D.A is grateful for your dedication to the safety of Kalos. Remember, the K.D.A is here to keep You Safe from ALL threats no matter what it takes, regardless of methodology required. We will stop at NOTHING to keep you all safe.

[my-friend-malamar]

Hello KDA. Please pass this message along to everyone’s friend Malamar.

Hey buddy! Please stay warm. Hopefully you aren’t in pain too much. Use your smarts to try and break out?

The Breach has been repaired. The K.D.A has fully reinforced the Faraday Cage for the Subject. Following attempts to release or interact with the Subject will result in charges in a court of law, as well as a ban from interacting or communicating with the K.D.A in any way, shape, or form.

(ooc: any attempt to communicate with Malamar will result in a (temporary) block from this account (anon will stay on but don't misuse it). you're going to need to get better at encoding your responses...)

(ooc: if you would like to hear from Malamar, well, they won't be posting anymore (but I'd recommend checking the tags))

[my-friend-malamar]

I don't think I'm supposed to be able to read that conversation. Are you hurting malamar? MY friend malamar!?

The K.D.A is dedicated to the safety and protection of all Kalosian Citizens. You are safe right now. There is no need to raise unnecessary alarm and panic. The pokemon responsible for the Lumiose Mass Hypnosis Incident is currently contained and being researched to see if it can be utilized for the good of the Kalosian State and to keep our region safe. There is no reason for you to be concerned. You are always safe under the K.D.A.

[skyfire-the-watcher]

Cult

Probably team flare masquerading as something helpful.

Very forceful in wording about saying you're always safe under you.

What does K.D.A stand for may I ask?

Also don't even try to save face you are totally some fucked up organization totally trying to use Malamar to control others.

[my-friend-malamar]

[An excerpt from a Pokepedia Article:]

[The K.D.A, or Kalosian Defense Authority, is a branch of the Kalosian goverment founded in 1894 after the First Kalosian War. After the creation of the Ultimate Weapon during that time, the Kalosian League founded the K.D.A in order to maintain safety of the Kalos Region due to the power struggles and brewing dissent of the people after the war's end. The branch has been seen as controversial over the years due to the lack of transparency about their actions, but most allegations have no proof.]

[my-friend-malamar]

To K.D.A: You state your mission is to ensure the safety of all kalosians, right? Well, Malamar is a kalosian and they're hurt. Badly. They are as much a victim of this situation as anyone else and it's your JOB to help them.

Malamar, if you can hear this: stay strong.

Under the verdict of the case A.Zagré v Kalos, in 1964, pokemon are not legally classified as citizens under Kalosian law, but as either non-sentient creatures or as property of trainers. There is no reason for you to be concerned. You are always safe under the K.D.A.

(Malamar will Try, Friend. There are little Cold Metal Dots on Malamar and they Sting, but Malmar will Stay Very Strong For You, Friend!)

(... did you find the Stone yet?)

[my-friend-malamar]

You're containing malamar!? How dare you disrespect our friend like that!?

Don't worry malamar, I'll figure out how to get you out of there!

The K.D.A is monitoring your current location. Please do not resist arrest. There is no reason for you to be concerned. You are always safe under the K.D.A.

(... Hello? Can you Hear Me?)

[my-friend-malamar]

Ayo Team with five *? Kalos? Something smells fishy here…

Please disregard all previous messages. Team ***** does not exist. You are safe right now. There is no reason for you to be concerned. You are always safe under the K.D.A.

[Note from Agent B-042: ****! Who leaked the ******* transcripts?] [Note from Agent A-084: Agent A-001 is currently monitoring the situation, doesn't seem to be anyone from the A Division.] [Note from Agent B-042: Are you ******* insinuating it's someone from my-] [Note from Agent A-084: Who else?] [Note from Agent B-042: I swear to ******* Arceus I will-] [Note from Admin B-01: Agent B-042, Agent B-013, please report to Facility ***-***** immediately to meet with Admin B-02 immediately.] [Note from Agent A-084: Better get to it, *********] [Note from Agent B-042: ****.]

[my-friend-malamar]

I don't think I'm supposed to be able to read that conversation. Are you hurting malamar? MY friend malamar!?

The K.D.A is dedicated to the safety and protection of all Kalosian Citizens. You are safe right now. There is no need to raise unnecessary alarm and panic. The pokemon responsible for the Lumiose Mass Hypnosis Incident is currently contained and being researched to see if it can be utilized for the good of the Kalosian State and to keep our region safe. There is no reason for you to be concerned. You are always safe under the K.D.A.

[my-friend-malamar]

Are you okay malamar? I hope you feel better soon.

Malamar is In A Big Box. Malamar Does Not Feel Good. It Hurts.

Malamar is Very Very Tired.

... Someone is Here-[This Post has been Censored by the K.D.A]

[Note from Agent B-042: How the **** is SUBJECT-000 still using the ******* computer? We need to add another layer of dampeners to CELL ***-**.] [Note from Agent B-013: Cell ***-** has been reinforced as stated. Should we move up the date for the operation?] [Note from Agent A-084: Team ***** is ready to move up operation by several days if needed.] [Note from Agent B-042: When?] [Note from Agent A-084: To guarantee we keep the SUBJECT alive? We'd need to prep until next year's end.] [Note from Agent B-042: And if we didn't need to guarantee it?] [Note from Agent A-084: We can operate by March.] [Note from Agent B-042: Allright. I'll see if we can push it to then. Until then, keep the ****ing demon from using the ******* computer. If anyone finds that ******* tower before we've finished casing the place, I swear-] [Error: This feed has been interrupted suddenly. Please reload and try again.]

[my-friend-malamar]

Hi, Malamar, my friend. I hope you’re staying safe. I can’t come to Kalos, but I’m sure there’s an open minded and kind hearted trainer who can take you to the tower. Hopefully your tentacle is doing okay.

It's So Dark.

Malamar doesn't Know Where They Are. It is Cold. There are Weird Metal Things Stuck to Malamar's Head. Malamar Cannot See.

...

...

If Malamar can Hear You, They Can Hear You Too. Be Careful, Friends. Malamar Will-

[This Post has been Censored by the K.D.A]

[my-friend-malamar]

Malamar, buddy? Can you hear me? The last post was pretty dire. Have you found safety or that special stone?

It's So Dark. They Took Fran. Malamar Misses You, Friend.

Please Listen This Is Important.

Someone Needs To Go To the Tower. There is a Statue and it needs to be Opened. In Sha-

[This post has been REDACTED by the K.D.A]

[my-friend-malamar]

Ow.

Malamar is Lost.

It’s so Dark.

Ow ow ow.

It Hurts.

Malamar needs to Tell Friends Something Important. Malamar needs Friends to find a Stone. It’s Somewhere in the Region. Malamar can’t remember. You need to Find It and then Take It to-

[this post has been redacted by the K.D.A.]