I will always return

🏳️‍🌈 she/her

[toastbutteregg]

[g0thcats]

i want to be a cat. jobless. educationless. useless. there to be pretty and soft

[6balls]

[solidsnake]

OH MINE GOD,😳😳 I ACCIDENTALLY 🙈🙈 HATH SENT😳 THOU A PICTURE OF MINE COCK AND BALLS🍆🍆...PRITHEE DELETE IT!❌❌🛑! 'LEST...THOU DESIRE TO LOOK?😏😏 HAHA I JEST..🤣🤣, DELETE IT.🛑❌..SHOULD THEE CRAVE..?😳🙈... HAHA NAY,❌ BANISH IT.🛑🛑..'LEST?🙈😳

[recreationaldivorce]

Gunfights are so fruity. Why are you firing your hot loads into another man

[chiquitabanana32]

Fast and Furious 9 is Sharknado with a bigger budget.🤷🏽‍♀️

[jennfercheck]

good morning little gay people in my phone

[toastbutteregg]

[everythingfox]

(via)

[everythingfox]

“Fierce predator establishing dominance in her new territory”

(via)

[everythingfox]

Sukiicat

[everythingfox]

Drama queen

[guooey]

[angelicguy]

WAIT NO DUDE DONT SUCK THAT COCK ITS LOADBEARING *whole building collapses*

[fish-to-male]

one day some of you will actually go outside and go to pride and you’re going to meet old black queens who refers to themselves as femme, you’ll meet people from small towns who still use the word transsexual, you’ll see that your local activist organization set up a stall about your local LGBT history that includes leather bar’s history, you’ll see lesbians in groups refer to themselves as “guys” and “boys”, you’ll see someone with breasts and pasties and little else have “he / him” painted on his chest, and you’ll be so caught up with your terminally online attitude that instead of appreciating the wide diversity of people who exist in the LGBT community who are brave enough to share themselves you’ll just be formulating posts and tweets in your head for when get home about how “problematic” it all was and it’s honestly tragic

[avatarmerida]

Happy pride month to the tiny cowboy and tiny Trojan man from Night at the Museum

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[laziestofthedreamers]

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

[ladyhavilliard]

…perfect

[striveforgreatnessss]

You’re only allowed to be patriotic during the Olympics and the World Cup. THAT’S IT.