if i lit a match for you, you'd melt before my eyes...
all things dead kennedys—raw, unfiltered, and explicit—goes here. my main account is @rays-guitar-broke, and fics that are devoid of smut belong there. with that being said, continue at your own risk and block me if you need to.
• call me anything, it doesn't matter.
• she/her.
• 20+.
• ao3.
masterlist
east bay ray
• more than i can handle (fem!reader)
tags
• give-me-a-toot - answering my mail.
• ramblings-of-the-swill - mindless rambling on text and tags.
• smut-is-good-food - filthy teasers :)
i know some of you want to be the mic cord that's tied all over Jello's arms, meanwhile i'm right here drooling over the way Ray holds his guitar like please can that be me for just one second... please i just want to be a stratocaster guitar under the guidance and care of Ray - is that too much to ask for? apparently it is, i guess 😞💔
Thinking about that interview where Jello said "last time I wore an underwear on stage someone pulled it so hard and I felt my balls are being torn apart" or something similar. King
I really seriously want Jello to verbally abuse me with something like "Greetings, everyone living in a de facto American colony♡" So, basically, the only option is to time-travel, somehow destroy the Japan of the Bubble Era, and drive the yen down to current exchange-rate levels, thereby making it easier for countless penniless punk bands to come to Japan, all just to bring about the Dead Kennedys' 1982 JP tour
i can't even bring myself to make a clip out of this god-forsaken show, but in this exact timestamp, if you pay close attention to the overlayed footage of Ray, you can actually see him unbuttoning his shirt and holy shit it's the hottest thing i've ever seen gfdndfgndf FUCK!!!
sweet lord in heaven. there's something inherently sexy with the way he slooowwwly slides his hand up the neck of his guitar before twisting one of the tuning pegs with such pressure 😩 like come on, there is no fucking way that he doesn't know what he's doing.
East Bay Ray seems to satisfy most of the commonly held but questionable beliefs that certain types of men have big dicks, which is exciting, but on the other hand, I'm also worried about what would happen if he actually had a big dick with that kind of look
i'm really sorry but holy shit i can't get enough of Ray from that Loudmouth fic and it's fucking driving me insane. im not even coming back to reread the entire thing, im just......cherry picking the parts that make my head spin......
when i hear a guitar solo by Ray (or his guitarplaying in general) i get dilated pupils, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, shaky muscles, spinning feeling in my stomach, increased sweating, chest tightness, increased breathing, sweating pupils, dilated blood rate, muscle pressure, stomach sweating, shaky lightheadedness, tight bloodness, spinning chests,
I’m really sorry for spamming Japanese posts, but I just have to say this: is there seriously no one else who thinks EBR is hot???? It’s crazy—how could you *not* find a white guy with black hair, blue eyes, a lean, muscular build, and a height of over 180cm sexy? It makes no sense. Damn it, I just don't get the aesthetic tastes of people in the English-speaking world.
REAL AS FUCK!!!!! REAL AS FUCK REAL AS FUCKKKKKK THEY WROTE THIS IN THE BIBLE BTW.
there was this guy whom i used to have a crush on (who also liked me) back in my highschool days, and he was really into punk rock. i asked him if there were any bands that he could recommend to me, and among the list of bands that he sent, Dead Kennedys were mentioned. no, correction: he typed it as Dead Kennedy's, with a goddamn APOSTROPHE. ANYWAYS.
i'm not sure if i wound up checking them out, but if i did, i probably didn't appreciate them enough at the time. i don't think i did, since i was busy pouring my attention on this other band that he's really, really into. i dunno, my memory gets a little fuzzy over that part.
anyways, years have passed and we drifted apart, yet i can't help but think that it's just so funny because he basically has no idea what this band has fucking turned me into. i don't even think he listens to them anymore, but at some point he used to love them - he really did, because he'd fucking use jello biafra as his profile picture on twitter; he once posted a gif of jello biafra from that lost tapes video (WHICH I ONLY REALIZED THAT IT CAME FROM THERE WHEN I WATCHED IT YEARS LATER) and posted a tweet about wanting to find a belt similar to jello's.
so ive been thinking. imagine if somebody told him that "hey, remember this girl you had a crush on? dead kennedys is one of her favorite bands, so much so that she began writing fan fiction for them. she's also got such a huuuge crush on their guitarist, it's crazy."
bottom line is this is something that i'll take with me to the grave and that kind of fills me with some type of excitement. also that guy lives like what, less than 20 minutes away from me? Like, hi hello you recommended this band to me 5 years ago but i didn't check them out until 2025 and i've never been the same ever since. Wanna read this Ray smut that I did? check my goddamn blogs while you're at it, too. maybe if things weren't so awkward between us, we could've actually been close friends, you Dumb little Nut. and then maybe, just Maybe, i would've been comfortable enough to send you this Dead Kennedys threesome fanfiction i came across just to see your reaction or some other shit like that, because you're the only person in this small, god-forsaken town—if you could even call it a town—that knows who they are and loves them as much as i do, therefore we can bond over them you TWERP
i dont know where im going with this but if i ever run into him or vice versa, he should keep in mind that I have a super awesome funny mysterious little secret that he'll never be able to know
lastly, this was the gif that he posted on his twitter yrs ago and i legitimately thought, "ugh, looks like one of those insufferable rockstars who are up to no good and sexualize women every chance that they get."
