the vagin(ismus) diaries @my-vaginismus - Tumblr Blog

PART 1- I had an appointment to the gyn yesterday morning and I felt humiliated. I'm 25 and still a virgin and i knew I had vaginismus last year when I tried to insert a dildo I just couldn't, there was a "wall" but it wasn't painful. I told the gyn about my painful periods and she insisted on wanting to see inside for sexual diseases in case (I didn't told her I was a virgin because I was too ashamed). The gyn couldn't insert anything it was super painful and I now have to go see a pelvic floor

(PART 2) pelvic floor therapist. I was on the verge of crying but i didn't wanted to, and apologized many times to the gyn and told her I was embarrassed. She told me I shouldn't be embarrassed and gave me this Pelvic floor therapy center. How long did your therapy lasted? Thank you so so so so much for your blog <3 Huge love to you from France 💓

I'm so sorry you had such an upsetting experience! Hugs to you 💗

I've felt embarrassed too, because everything to do with genitals and sex feels so vulnerable, but we really don't need to be embarrassed. Ultimately, it's a tight muscle, that's all! The gyn has probably seen this a million times.

My physical therapy was 9 sessions total, including the intake/evaluation and the final check-in. It was spread out over about 4.5 months.

The therapist made it all feel really normal. I think at one point she said something about pelvic floor being one of the more straightforward types of physical therapy she does, so it was an easy part of her day. It was a little embarrassing to talk about my history sometimes, but it was also really great to be able to talk about it. The longer I spent in PT, the easier it became to think of my vaginismus as a mundane, annoying medical issue instead of a shameful secret.

I hope your therapy goes well!! I'm really glad the blog has been helpful.

#responses #pelvic floor pt #vaginismus

Once again it's been a while between PT appointments (and I didn't keep up much with the dilating or other exercises on my own...) but yesterday was my last appointment so here's a last update post!

I had gotten partway through dilator size 4 between appointments, so making progress but I noticed a qualitative difference in the discomfort: going from size 2 to 3 was really only difficult when it came to getting the tip inserted, and from there it was pretty easy to insert fully, vs when going up to size 4 there was discomfort higher up inside the vagina, not just down by the opening. My PT said that's normal and should improve with more time & practice. Each dilator is longer than the one before, not just wider, so that's part of it.

She told me size 4 is pretty much the size of a speculum so it would be a fine stopping point. It's not a permanent change, but if my only goal is gyno exams, I could stop dilating regularly once I finish size 4 and just start back up maybe a month before my next exam. (I'm not currently having penetrative sex, but I would like to have the option, so I'll probably keep dilating once in a while and see if I can work up to size 5. My vibrator is about that size at the widest point, would be cool to get to the point of that being pleasurable!)

The other tip she gave me was to make sure I incorporate cooldowns after exercise, since as previously discussed the pelvic floor is involved in more than just pelvic stuff!

I didn't feel the need for another internal exam, so we just did some more breathing work and exercises, and apparently my belly breathing is much improved :)

#vaginismus #dilating #pelvic floor pt

my-vaginismus

Been a while since my last update, mainly because I switched to every other week for PT and one of them got canceled, so I ended up with a 4-week break during appointments.

More dilating tips from my PT (as always, I don't know to what extent these are specific to me, I can't give you medical advice)

a little soreness for around half an hour after dilating is normal, but if the soreness lasts for several hours, that's a sign that you pushed a little too hard.

I was instructed to dilate 3-4 times a week. As a rule of thumb, if a given level (e.g. smallest size at 2 knuckles-length deep) is pretty easy and doesn't cause lasting soreness, progress to the next level next week.

A mirror is really helpful for seeing what you're doing. It's really hard to tell from feeling alone whether you're inserted at all, let alone how much! largely because...

The vaginal opening is often the most sensitive part for vaginismus patients, even though you haven't reached the actual pelvic floor muscles yet. So if it feels like just getting the tip inserted is really difficult and actually more painful than stretching the muscles once you're inside, that's not surprising! It's still worth trying to get a teeny bit of insertion and stretching from that point.

At the last appointment before that break, I brought in my own dilators and the PT used them on me (stretching side-to-side and down, starting with only around a fingertip-length inserted, as mentioned previously.) That was fairly difficult -- she went slowly and gently and narrated what she was doing, but pretty much any amount of stretching caused (mild-moderate) pain.

Doing it on myself at home was much easier, probably a combination of being in control of the motion and therefore better prepared for it + just being less tense. Over 4 weeks (and tbh I wasn't great about hitting the 3x/week target) I got fully comfortable with the smallest dilator. My hand getting tired of pushing was more of a limitation than any vaginal pain. (But none of this is very surprising, as I was already able to tolerate 1 finger / junior-tampon sized objects before starting PT.)

I tried size 2 once at home but gave up pretty quickly -- at least on my set, it's such a huge leap from size 1 to 2! I was nervous and that didn't help. I couldn't really get any insertion at all, and (see last bullet point above) it didn't feel like I was even reaching the muscles.

Then I had another appointment, at which I dilated with the PT watching. Used size 1 to warm up then tried size 2. I was at least able to get enough insertion that I could try to push it sideways/down without it just slipping off the vulva, but not really anything beyond that.

Another main takeaway from that is if I can tolerate a significant amount of the size 2 dilator, around 1/3 of the length, then the PT can do a more thorough manual exam to hopefully figure out whether my pelvic floor muscles are too strong vs. too weak (and just constantly tense because they'd be too weak when relaxed). That information would inform what else to try for treatment.

After dilating, she showed me how to use one of those stretchy resistance band things for the open-book stretch (you just hold the band in your hands so there's more resistance against opening your arms/chest up) and for diaphragmatic breathing (you wrap it around your chest under the bottom rib so there's more resistance on your diaphragm).

She also tested my breathing with me lying down and her pushing on my diaphragm, one side at a time. Apparently my left side is tighter than my right, it was much more difficult on that side!

my-vaginismus

Update: got full insertion with the 2nd dilator at home, with minimal pain even while stretching! (I have been masturbating beforehand which probably helps -- haven't specifically asked the PT about that -- so maybe before my next appointment I'll try without masturbating to get a sense of how it might be at the appointment. Not about to crank one out in the waiting room lmao)

#dilating