of doubtful authenticity

because i needed another outlet for procrastination ...oops my ao3

[haarute]

pov you are sent to hell

[sodeathitis]

They grow grants there like rhubarb

[the-apocrypha]

hi! i'm here from your chlamydia fic right, and i went to your profile to see your other fics and imagine my surprise when i saw THE teen wolf summer camp fic (They Say It's Mighty Fine) that i have been thinking about for 5 years MINIMUM. i love it so much thank you for writing it!!!! <3

Ahahahaha the summer camp fic! Oh my gosh, yes, that was so much fun! I've been having quite a few people recognizing me from Teen Wolf, which is so funny because that was... a minute ago. It's the best kind of surprise to know that people remember me!

Stay tuned for more chlamydia fic! Hopefully some time next week, should be up. :D

[the-apocrypha]

That was so good I loved the part where ilya’s surprised by Shane being “shockingly bitter”

Aw thank you! Ilya is usually pretty in tune with Shane's emotions, but unfortunately not always. We'll see what Ilya does with this bit of a wakeup call in part 2!

[the-apocrypha]

Your old guard fics have absolutely done me in 😭😭 thanks

Ahahaha there are not many of them but fair enough, I think each one of them packs a fairly good punch. 😛

[the-apocrypha]

https://www.tumblr.com/the-apocrypha/821980813253017600/a-pox-on-all-your-houses-shane-hollanderilya

This was so good!

Thank yooooou! I'm so glad you're enjoying it! ❤️❤️❤️

[the-apocrypha]

a pox on all your houses Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov || T || 19k || Part 1 of 2

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Sort Of, Situationships, Relationship Status: It's Complicated, Tuna Melt Canon Divergence, Pre-Tuna Melt, Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Ilya Rozanov Fucked Around Now He's Finding Out

"Chlamydia?" Ilya has never heard Hollander's voice reach such heights in the absence of a cock. "You have chlamydia?" "I did not get it on purpose," Ilya complains.

Svetlana: I'm going to fucking kill you

Ilya quirks an eyebrow.

Between his nationality, his profession, his love life, and the way he generally behaves as a human being, Ilya is very used to receiving death threats. This isn't the even the first one this week.

He does worry, sometimes, what he will do if he ever runs out of clever ways to reply.

Ilya: I will still be hotter than you Ilya: And richer Ilya: I hope you're not plotting my murder for the inheritance because no one is getting shit from me, it's all going to my massive fucking tombstone Ilya: And a solid gold statue of me Ilya: Outside the mausoleum I will build for all my trophies

I have already sent the concept art to my law—he's halfway through typing out, when Svetlana's reply finally pops up.

Svetlana: You gave me fucking CHLAMYDIA

Read on AO3

[the-apocrypha]

a pox on all your houses Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov || T || 19k || Part 1 of 2

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Sort Of, Situationships, Relationship Status: It's Complicated, Tuna Melt Canon Divergence, Pre-Tuna Melt, Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Ilya Rozanov Fucked Around Now He's Finding Out

"Chlamydia?" Ilya has never heard Hollander's voice reach such heights in the absence of a cock. "You have chlamydia?" "I did not get it on purpose," Ilya complains.

Svetlana: I'm going to fucking kill you

Ilya quirks an eyebrow.

Between his nationality, his profession, his love life, and the way he generally behaves as a human being, Ilya is very used to receiving death threats. This isn't the even the first one this week.

He does worry, sometimes, what he will do if he ever runs out of clever ways to reply.

Ilya: I will still be hotter than you Ilya: And richer Ilya: I hope you're not plotting my murder for the inheritance because no one is getting shit from me, it's all going to my massive fucking tombstone Ilya: And a solid gold statue of me Ilya: Outside the mausoleum I will build for all my trophies

I have already sent the concept art to my law—he's halfway through typing out, when Svetlana's reply finally pops up.

Svetlana: You gave me fucking CHLAMYDIA

Read on AO3

[creature-adjacent]

Carnivorous plants doin this is so funny to me

They don't wanna eat their pollinators :(

[questionablepastries]

[animentality]

[pepperinaa]

he ran into my yaoi paddle. he ran into my yaoi paddle 10 times

[boomer-mythology-destroyer]

[the-acid-pear]

@denisglillie

[the-apocrypha]

Extending congratulations to the 9-1-1 fan on Twitter whose fake slice of life Buddie text fooled Buzzfeed into including it on their weekly "39 Hilarious Fails That Actually Happened To People This Week" article.

[link]

[dungeonmastersconsortium]

I know everyone makes a big deal out of the emotional moments in the "Chidi and Elanor Love Each Other" montage in the season 3 finale, but honestly, that's not the part that's the best. It's something that is very funny and VERY touching.

It's this moment. This one right here is how you know they love each other. See, Chidi teaches Elanor in every timeline... But here we see Elanor reaching out. She doesn't have a lot to offer Chidi, but she's TRYING. She's TRYING to teach him something that he doesn't know, and SHE IS IMITATING HIM not because it's a joke, but because she's using him as a model for love. This kind of imitation is a CLASSIC way for someone like Elanor to dip a toe into the pool of emotional vulnerability, into reciprocating effort and feelings.

AND HE'S TAKING HER SERIOUSLY. He's CLEARLY trying really hard to follow along, even though there's NO WAY this matters... Except it matters to her, so it matters to him.

[prose-n-scripts]

concurrent events

[importantcatpics]

[rickybabyboy]

secret methods

secret reasons

[gansey-like]

hockey shit with ransom & holster shane and ilya

chirp, v. | to dispatch the competition with witticisms that lower esteem, assert dominance, and put benders in place. Quite simply—to talk smack.

hockey butt, n. | the totally rockin' medius, maximus, and minimus gluteal muscles that are resultant of hours of hard practice and gritty shifts on the ice. *Used to destroy enemies and attract mates.

celly, n. | the cathartic release of energy catalyzed by a goal. Characterized by ebullient noise-making and loosely choreographed motion. Often accompanied by hugs.

[xiaq]

One of the best things about being a writer is thinking of something small you can add to your work that’s just. Devastating. Like you’re sitting there going. Oh. That would be diabolical. People would get really riled up about that. Exquisite. Let’s do it.