my adhd diary

i'm just going to talk about my adhd here, whenever i like.

[myadhddiary]

okay so this is my first post, i'm gonna be quick about it.

i'm 23, recently diagnosed and on meds.

well im on wellbutrin, i don't know if that counts as adhd med, it's off label kinda thing but whatever, we are trying to find what works for me.

i dont know what am i going to do here, i just wanted a place to talk

this is basically it

[myadhddiary]

I don't really want to put it this way but I don't think I like myself when I'm not on my meds.

My non medicated self reminds me how my life was like prior to my diagnosis and I don't like that. I am happier than I've ever been and I don't want to remember those days.

I don't know if it's gonna feel like this forever but it's obviously too soon.

[myadhddiary]

Oh fuck okay, It's been almost a year. A little update then.

I fucking love my meds. I literally said it our loud a second ago and I wanted to post it here.

The difference is like a day and night. Not just being able to do stuff, but also with emotions.

I'm on my second semester on college.

Guys I seriously don't know how to explain it. But I found and old diary recently and I was a mess. I felt so bad for my previous self and just wanted to hug her.

She felt so lost and didn't have an idea what was going on with her.

Take. Your. Meds. Talk to your doctor if your dose doesn't work.

I used 72 mg concerta and it fucked me up so went back in to 54 mg. Than my doc added 10 mg of ritalin if it faded quickly. That combo works for me. And it might take time for you to find the dose that works for you.

It really gets better, like sure, I still have bad days. Im human. But I'm not in despair anymore. And that is so relaxing I feel like crying sometimes.

Oh and my meds don't work when I'm on my period.

[myadhddiary]

My dosage is upped to 54 miligrams and i think im actually feeling a bit different? I dont have that strong urge to procrastinate. I mean i still do but it's not as strong as before.

Im doing chores without anyone asking me to. And i even stopped tidying up my room before finishing it because it was "late". Then i continued tidying it up next day.

[myadhddiary]

some days are simply worse than others

[myadhddiary]

So, horrible doctors.

I've met quite a few of them.

One of them having the audacity to say "actually i think youre depressed because youre fat" to a potential mental illness patient.

Trying to get an adhd diagnosis at 23 is hell.

I mean, i got diagnosed by a doctor who is literally conducting a research on adhd, plus, two other but i still get the "you might be just depressed" from others.

Don't get me wrong i know i could have depression too, i know how comorbid ilnesses work. But i am not depressed.

Im simply not.

I do get secondary depression time to time but that's basically just because i get undersimulated and bored as fuck. And it goes away in a few days, tops.

So yes long story short, doctors please don't be assholes and if you are a doctor who is an asshole, fuck you. (get better tho xx)

[myadhddiary]

So, Ritalin.

My doc prescribed me Ritalin a month ago and the first day i took it, it was amazing. I could read, even the boring articles. For as long as i want (well, 3 hours tops because then it fade away lol)

But after a few days (the day after, to be exact) it just... stopped working?

I mean I know now the first day was probably placebo but I was really excited, you know.

Other than this not-working-as-usual thing, it actually had an effect. It was there from the day one.

Ritalin makes me sleepy. Like, yawning constantly sleepy.

So I thought, why not take it before I sleep so I could maybe eliminate the "trying to fall asleep for 2 hours after I get into the bed" part. And I took 10 mg, 20 minutes before I plan to sleep.

Annoyingly so, it worked. I fell asleep probably the fastest I've ever did.

I can't tell you how frustrating that was. Because that wasnt supposed to happen. I was supposed to get medication and be normal. Who the fuck takes Ritalin as a sleeping pill.

I fucking hate how adhd makes me feel desperate sometimes. But that's for another post.

p.s: I took Ritalin before sleeping for like 4 times tops. I stopped doing that because even though it works, I didn't want to keep doing it before talking with my doctor.

I'm nice like that.