#adhd diary

[lepetitfruit]

First day on adhd meds.... brain is weirdly quiet

[hell0andg00dbye]

never put it down. never ever ever or it will be swallowed by the surface below it and you will never ever see it again.

[silencefromheaven]

what if it all works out?

what if you overcome your fears and become stronger than you've ever imagined?

what if all this will be worth it?

what if life will be actually magnificent and kind and full of love, sunshine and hope?

what if you're anxiety is lying to you?

[rungosturr]

I have ADHD diagnosis, so I often see posts proposition on Instagram about it

But my Beatle-washed brain just read it as AHDN

Sometimes I dont know if I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or A Hard Days Night lol

Maybe its just AHDN ADHD

[myadhddiary]

Oh fuck okay, It's been almost a year. A little update then.

I fucking love my meds. I literally said it our loud a second ago and I wanted to post it here.

The difference is like a day and night. Not just being able to do stuff, but also with emotions.

I'm on my second semester on college.

Guys I seriously don't know how to explain it. But I found and old diary recently and I was a mess. I felt so bad for my previous self and just wanted to hug her.

She felt so lost and didn't have an idea what was going on with her.

Take. Your. Meds. Talk to your doctor if your dose doesn't work.

I used 72 mg concerta and it fucked me up so went back in to 54 mg. Than my doc added 10 mg of ritalin if it faded quickly. That combo works for me. And it might take time for you to find the dose that works for you.

It really gets better, like sure, I still have bad days. Im human. But I'm not in despair anymore. And that is so relaxing I feel like crying sometimes.

Oh and my meds don't work when I'm on my period.

[obaewankenope]

I'm starting a new chain for tracking the days on adhd meds because the original got very long. I also know how to do a readmore on mobile now (put in :readmore: and hit enter) so Fear Me.

.

Day 17 of adhd meds

I slept on the sofa last night and had a lot of burpies from eating late and not as well as I probably should on these meds. I also didn't take my pain meds as regularly as I should have yesterday considering how active I was. I am regretting it today.

My fingers are claws.

[rest under readmore]

My ankles were so swollen last because I changed footwear to flats from my trainers in the house after cleaning the dog poop in the garden and damn but I should have just kept the trainers on and cleaned the soles.

No cushioning for the shock impact of walking = P A I N.

Even pain meds didn't help. Had to elevate my feet and suffer until they deswelled enough to hurt less. Also pulled a muscle in my back again.

I will have the most relaxing bath today even if it kills me.

Or someone else in this house, I'm not picky.

I have some jobs to do today that I shouldn't ignore, like dishes and making some dinner for everyone, but I kinda just wanna curl up on the sofa and hibernate or game.

I want to decorate actually but don't have the paint supplies currently and also with several people in the house, I can't paint until they're asleep or out for hours because they get in the way and stress me out.

Usually I like to wake up around 6 and take my adhd meds and first round of painkillers, then go back to sleep for an hour or two so they all kick in when I get up properly and can just go. I didn't sleep well last night however and thus didn't get to do the routine I've started developing on the adhd meds.

Instead I woke around 11:30am and took my meds after that so I'm not super active yet. Unfortunately, the one side effect I hate with a passion is rearing its head now because I didn't take the meds and go back to sleep.

Burpies.

From the lactose on the adhd meds.

Damn.

I'll need to eat to reduce the burpies and pain I get from the lactose in my stomach because of lactose intolerance ffs. But that requires moving and until my pain meds kick in, that isn't happening.

So instead I burp and lament life.

I had to sleep on the sofa last night, you see, because I offered my bed to my mother. She has her own bed but its a single and she doesn't like it because of the way the bed is against the wall, so she usually sleeps on the sofa downstairs.

She actually sleeps well on said sofa which I have no idea how she does it because I spent the entire night aware of everything even with earplugs and eye mask.

So yeah, I slept downstairs and managed like two hours of actual sleep and the rest of Awkward Awareness Of The Universe As Though I'm In A Dangerous Situation And Cannot Afford Real Rest. That was due to the fact I couldn't stretch out properly on the sofa to be honest and, really, I should have slept sat up because that probably would have been comfier for me.

Oh well.

I need to sort a box of pictures out today so it can be put back upstairs out of the way. Its downstairs currently and only down here because I want to get some pictures from it of my middle sib and I growing up so we can make copies and send them to our grandfather and family that we've gotten back in touch with.

Also, there's a photo collage frame that needs pictures in it before its put up on the wall so.

Well, after the decorating is done.

Which, incidentally, this set of life on adhd meds will turn into a decorating blog because I have up to the 20th of December to decorate the lounge, dining room, kitchen, and hallway + downstairs toilet.

The decorating includes wallpapering which I've never done before and thus have to wait on others to do or show me how. Or my brothers fiancee might do it because she can wallpaper apparently.

17 days. I have seventeen days.

With fibro and adhd and all the other household jobs and working around other people and also my period which starts in 4 days.

Fuck. My. Life.

This doesn't even include the Christmas decorations that will be put up between the 20th and 24th either.

Kill me please and thank.

Or someone buy me a vacation now. For a mountain. Scotland is great right now. I'll hide there.

[tearstained-fish-lover]

You ever feel so fucking incoherent like wow my head do be empty no sentences no words to put but also it's so full you can't just turn it off and go to sleep

It feels like i need to get allcthe thoughts out first but i don't know how cause i don't know what they are my brain is 3 conversations in different languages all unintelligeble over vague thoughts of fandom and chores and static

It feels like a sinking boat with a hole the water is my thoughts and i can sleep once the water is out of the boat so here i am with my bucket throwing them out like in this post rn but they keep flooding in thu the hole

[t-ycho]

So I started Ritalin on Saturday morning

I was suffering from some major imposter syndrome last night. I regularly do. But this time it was for my ADHD diagnosis. Because this weekend I felt competent. Able. Mentally quiet. Doing my chores effectively and cleaning up after myself, putting things in the bin straight away, feeling settled and calm.

Then I thought:

“But what if this is like... a placebo effect? Is it too soon to feel effects of Ritalin? Two days? At the basic dose? What if it’s not real?” Then I started the spiral of “What if I am just useless and this was an excuse, and the meds won’t work?”

“What if I am just that bad at existing?” So I searched “How do I know if ADHD medication is working correctly?” as in “How do I know if my belief that I have ADHD and the numerous doctors’ diagnoses is true?“ Ritalin is said to start affecting whoever takes it (ADHD or not) within an hour of taking the pill. The effects obviously would vary whether you had ADHD or not. Obviously if you don’t have ADHD, your brain is affected like with any stimulant. Then I found a list:

I can’t fake that. I can’t fake remembering things, I can’t fake naturally wanting to clean up after myself now. I can’t fake my concentration. And if I DIDN’T have ADHD, I would have been absolutely buzzing because I just took an amphetamine-like drug. It isn’t Adderall, but it’s still a stimulant. I wouldn’t feel CALM. This is all real All the struggles I had with sixth form, exams, at work, looking after my house. It was all because this was here in my head. It was real.

I’m not a useless piece of shit.