Courage,dear Heart.

[papirfecni]

(years later) finally colored it

[myangelflungoutofspace]

She came back, we got even closer.

She kissed me, the most amazing kiss. The chemistry and electricity was through the roof. It was so natural.

We cuddled, it all felt so natural and normal.

We got drunk together and couldnt leave eachother alone. We admitted we were falling in love with eachother.

Im now blocked because she cant handle it. She wrote me a 4 page letter. Shes so romantic, so deep i love every bit about it.

But now she’s off work long term.

Shes deleted all her social media.

I cant even see if she is ok.

My mind, constantly worries about her, shes an adult, shes ok.

I dont think ive fallen so hard for someone before.

Its been nearly 2 weeks and ive lost all motivation, i dont really eat, i dont really do alot. I cry alot.

I cant get out of this mind frame.

I worry she’ll move stations, i worry her wife is being controlling. I worry i’ll never see her again.

I cant let her go.

Im struggling, struggling over someone who was not mine.

But we had this soul connection, someone so similar to me.

I want her to come back to me so desperately. But i dont think she will. I wish she would, so much. I wish she’d turn up at my house and be mine.

Im just so sad/depressed.

Heartbroken.

[myangelflungoutofspace]

I let someone in.

She is married. Already a recipe for disaster.

She made me feel heard , she made me feel abit safe.

Im a bad person for entertaining it

But she made me feel so good.

And now all i feel is triggered, triggered from being abandoned.

Shes married of course it was never going to be.

But i am triggered because i have been blocked just like my ex did.

And now i have to see her at work, pine for what could’ve been.

Nothing, thats what. A trauma bond, however the butterflies felt so real. The constant dopamine and feeling good, a feeling i forgot existed.

Short lived, feeling amazing, god i miss that. Now i just feel lonely, unlovable, confused, sad and stupid.

It affected me so much because its the tip of the ice burg, what ive been trying to stay a float for so long, and im sinking properly now. Why am i so silly, why am i so vulnerable, desperate to be loved and wanted.

I have so much, so much more than i did have, i have a home, i have safety.

But i still dont have what i wanted from a child, security of being loved. Im so frightened by it. Im so complicated.

I let someone in and look what happens.

My eyes are sore for someone who was nothing but a crush.

A friendship lost.

Sore eyes yet again.

[nmd-66-deactivated20210104]

There are people you haven’t met yet who will love you

[titsay]

[sunsbleeding]

[dailyflicks]

Embeth Davidtz as Jennifer Honey in Matilda (1996)

[ovur]

And he is still ugly as fuck

[relelvance]

He should get a bob with the bang

[capacity]

And a bbl

[yassmines]

and a fox eye lift from the scalp

[cuteratgirl]

OKAYYYY

[venerabledreadnought]

princess Diana 2

[myangelflungoutofspace]

Today i graduated.

[myangelflungoutofspace]

Im not ready to grieve my health yet.

Everything was better.

But whats happened has happened.

I am grateful i can still live my life, even if its tablets every 4 hours.

[roycohn]

happy donna sheridan unprotected sex day (1/3), everybody!!!

[solidsnake]

got eaten up with 3 words

[hofessorx]

you coming back to tell us here

[cyberxbattalion]

[robbersinaforeignlanguage]

// Matty for 'Gusher magazine' // 2020

© Mia Rankin

[lesbin]

ma'am

[sandmandaddy69]

[ohbeauregard]

ARCANE | caitlyn kiramman [7/∞]