My Dad's Pals

[mydadspals]

DARREN ALAN

Mr. Alan is my Dad’s friend from his work. He’s muscly because he was a football player in high school. He asked me why I don’t play sports, I told him I don’t know. Ever since they stopped coach pitch, I’m not really that interested. Then he told my Dad a secret and they laughed about it. Darren is another one of Dad’s fun time friends. Which means they always have fun times. And no one else does. In an unrelated story, some jerk threw my yu-gi-oh cards on the ground. He comes over to play with Dad in his corvette. I asked him if he would let me ride in it. He said, the only thing this picks up is tails. I asked to see Dad’s tail. I went inside to get some soda. Then they were gone.

[mydadspals]

ALAN SANDERS

I oiled my baseball glove once and it made me think of Dad’s work friend Alan.

[mydadspals]

LONNIE FOWLER

Lonnie and Dad went to school together. Lonnie once told me that Dad had the highest “tail count” of all his friends at school. Dad told him to put a darn cork in it. Lonnie said that he probably already had. Then they laughed.

Lonnies mouth smells dead.

[mydadspals]

MR. GOSLER (AKA THE TUMBLER)

Mr. Gosler is one of my favorite pals of Dad. Mr and mrs. Gosler came over for dinner last night. We had steak from the grill. After dinner Mr. Gosler started barking like Greta, our dog. Greta bit Mr. Gosler on the hand. Dad told him to “sick him!” Then Mr. Gosler got on the ground with him and started barking more. It was so crazy! Then mrs. Gosler kissed me on the head and said, “This is when all the good little boys go to bed.” Sheesh, thanks purple-teeth, but I’ll be 11 in May!

[mydadspals]

DOM LEEFORD

Dad works with Mr. Leeford. He’s a really serious guy but I heard a crazy story about him. So I'm going to tell it to you.

It all started when I tooted in the pony after Dad picked me up from science camp last summer. Dad laughed, which I’ve only seen once or twice times. He said that one time Mr. Leeford walked into his office and tooted and said, “Happy Good Afternoon!” Whoa, I can’t believe I’m even typing this.

[mydadspals]

THE PONY

Dad spends a lot of time fixing up this Mustang which he calls the Pony. Ordinarily I wouldn't call it a pal but that's how much time he spends with it. Plus he talks to it, plus sometimes curses.

I tried to suprise him for father'd day last year and gave him floormats. He said they weren't from the same year or whatever so he sold them and got some lures.

[mydadspals]

MARTIN JOHNSON

Martin Johnson lives next door to us. I took his picture from his website, which is on realty. The weird thing is I didn't know he wore glasses, forget about rainbow ones.

Dad borrowed a hand spade from him once so I guess he sort of counts. But I bet if Dad sees the glasses he's off the list.

[mydadspals]

RONNIE TEMPLETON

Mr. Templeton was Dad’s roommate in college. He’s a policeman now! He comes over every summer for the fourth of july and brings a bag of fireworks. It’s cool because I can’t buy fireworks where I live and one time got grounded for putting a black cat in a ant hole.

He says he gets them from “smart-a kids who have nothing better to do than blow shoot up and bust my hump.” His hump is pretty big, he showed it to me once so that really must hurt.

mom says Ronnie has sausage fingers and "if he could eat them, he would." So would I!

[mydadspals]

UNCLE MATT

Unlce Matty! Uncle Matt is the coolest. He visited from San Francisco last Thanksgiving and brought everyone toy cable cars and my mom some chocolate. Dad said mom loves chocolate more than anything. My mom said Dad loves anything with two legs. Then Dad said to my mom that her brother Matty likes anything with three legs.

That's pretty cool because I forget sometimes that uncles can also be brothers.

[mydadspals]

RICHARD NEWSOME

Dad says Mr. Newsome is his fun times friend. The only thing fun about Mr. Newsome is when he leaves, because that's when all the beer noises stop.

Mr. Newsome said that my Twighlight books were stupid. When I become a vampire he's first on my list. Only I won't swallow because his blood probably tastes like red beer and pipe.

[mydadspals]

HUNTER JOE

He's the one waving. His real name is Joe Chopalek (sp?) but he hunts a lot and is real good at it and skinning so we call him Hunter.

Once I saw Hunter Joe in his truck and he was listening to Celine Dion or something crappy like that. He saw me and said "Tape is stuck." Nice try Hunter but there are no tapes anymore except in Grandpa's Celebrity.

Anyway, he can hunt and has a wife so I think that means he's not a "Canadien" as Dad calls them.

[mydadspals]

MR. KILLROY

Mr. Killroy has the coolest name ever. Except his first name is Mandy which spoils it. It's like a gun that shoots smoke bullets, which I had a dream about once.

About the only name that his Dad could have given him worse would be Roy. Because then his name would be Roy Killroy and would basically mean that anyone who ever introduced him would be telling him to do suicide on himself.

He has a really nice car though, it's a Lincoln.

[mydadspals]

TOM OWENS When I met Mr. Owens he told me to call him Tom because Mr. Owens was his dad’s name. I’m still trying to figure this one out. I’m afraid to ask my Dad if Mr. Owens dad is dead. But I think that Mr. Owens was secretly trying to tell me he might be. I mean Tom.

[mydadspals]

ROBBIE DUCHAMPS Robbie is doing here what he does best. To cook. Also, he likes to eat. You can tell from the picture.

I saw him once with his shirt off and he had a line on his chest like a pirate scar. I asked him if he was in a knife-fight and he said "Yeah, a knife-fight with God." And then Dad said "or Ronald McDonald." And everyone was laughing, except then I saw that Robbie wasn't, he was crying.

I guess whoever he got into the knife-fight with he killed and now he feels bad. He makes really good chicken.

[mydadspals]

MICHAEL BRUNO Mr. Bruno says he used to be a fireman but now he sells skis to people who need them. I think it’s funny that a fireman now sells snow things! He also coughs a lot. I asked him once if he had a cold and Dad told me to leave him alone. But later Mr. Bruno told me that his "inside world was getting sick to match the sick outside world." He’s funny.

[mydadspals]

TODD HENNIGAN Dad calls Todd a lifer. I used to think that meant he lives forever, but now I know it just means he’s really strong. He’s really cool and one time let me play with his pocket knife. I asked Dad why Todd never wears a tie like him and Dad just said, “God has a plan for most people but some people, God just didn’t plan for.” Gee thanks Dad, but Sunday school isn’t til tomorrow.

[mydadspals]

MR. SILVERBERG

Dad makes a lot of gold jokes about him. Like he would rather be named Goldberg or that he may be silver but he can smell gold or whatever.

I asked Mom why these were funny and she said it was because Mr. Silverberg isn't Presterian or even Episopal but some other religion that's old and expired. Personally I do not get these jokes. Platnum is more expensive anyway.