se.ren.di.pi.ty

/ˌserənˈdipitē/ noun. 1. desirable accidental discoveries 2. good fortune; luck

[myh3artbeats]

I haven’t been on here in so long.

This is my confession. I am afraid of being alone.  I need constant reassurance that things are okay. I should be sleeping right now but I was going through the past and got a little stuck.  I shouldn’t dwell on how things could be but it’s easiest than facing what I know now.  Now scares me because I want progress yet progress seems so far away. Maybe I’m just being impatient and life works like this. I’m not a special snowflake and for that, I am not sorry. Maybe just a little to myself.

[myh3artbeats]

beautiful roses from a beautiful man on Flickr.

<3

[myh3artbeats]

spicy pork dish on Flickr.

So so so good as well. That hot chili oil was really good. Han Dynasty 123 Chestnut St Philadelphia, PA 19106

[myh3artbeats]

spicy and crispy cucumber on Flickr.

my guilty pleasure, for sure. I could eat some right now! It’d be the perfect studying snack…. munch munch! Han Dynasty 123 Chestnut St Philadelphia, PA 19106

[myh3artbeats]

Even on my day off I wake up at 8am, why body why? 😭

[myh3artbeats]

Life (At the moment)

Currently my life consists of work, eating, studying, maintaining the little bit of a “social life” that I have left, seeing my boyfriend on a regular basis, running consistently about 3-4x a week and sleep (or lack thereof). I am really spreading myself thin!

The pre-exam anxiety is a little much as I’m trying to keep sane while working full time and trying to get enough sleep. I’m going to take off tomorrow so I can refocus my energy and try to remain positive.

This Saturday is eventful, including my morning run, house warming party, and then a birthday dinner. I will definitely need to squeeze studying in there. Really. Need. To.

I need to stop feeling bad for feeling the way I feel and finally accept that some friendships are probably not worth having if value isn’t added.

Well, growing up is okay. I’m glad to have so many wonderful people surrounding me.

Next weekend is the five year reunion with my high school classmates that I totally forgot about. Haven’t decided if I am attending…

[myh3artbeats]

Is it ever enough?

I wait here for your response, The one you never knew you were suppose to give me. I wait here for a special feeling, A feeling inside that I choose to feel, being really stupid. I wait here for things to work its way out, But waiting, I'm actually wasting valuable time I should be doing. I wait here wondering, pondering, worrying and just thinking about how it should all work out Needless to say, effort wasted because nothing's happening - just me and my thinking. I wait here and I wait. I feel more nervous each time. I want you to read my mind and tell me it's okay because I'm going through this phase My hormones fighting with my mind It's wrecking with my feelings I just want to feel like I belong I want to feel important But you don't know that. You're tired You put up with me all day And you're probably asleep It's been a long day. Tomorrow is a long day Monday's, oh-my-god. I wish I could be irresponsible. Yet, today I chose to be. I feel guilty - I should be studying I want to have some time to feel Yet, feeling is what I dread but it's not the positive feelings I dread those negatives. Man, I wish I can say to you, Babe I really like you. And I really do. I don't know what to say or do. I don't know if it's love but it's fucking damn close. And I'm very fucking scared because when I felt that I loved someone, everything could fall apart if you don't love me back. And it's way too fucking early to say it's love. Yet I feel something so strong. I'm scared shitless. These hormones are only enhancing what I feel... and I am close to it. I really like you. I'm scared. And I was waiting... to feel important.

[myh3artbeats]

Time tic tocs Like my heart beats for you Your beautiful soul You make me feel beautiful But I don’t feel like I’m good enough I don’t feel like I deserve this I’m so damaged That joy for me is believed to be temporary Because you’re so good to me It makes me a little fearful and teary Because when it ends I’ll be crushed My fragile heart In pieces again But I don’t wanna be such a Debbie downer I wanna believe Believing what I see Believing the impossibility Believing until I feel that I believe That we are meant to be Because you’re my other half who completes me Little Ol me Fragile Soul That’s me I’m yours. Please Don’t hurt me.

[myh3artbeats]

Sushi sushi sushi on Flickr.

Did I mention I really like sushi? David took me to Doma and I haven’t ever been before. It was okay but honestly, it’s the company that matters :). We got a bunch of things but my favorite wasn’t the sushi. Maybe I was really hungry and it’s not pictured in this photo but it was the bibambap stone bowl! It was goooood. The ambiance is okay but it got really loud. The little decorations were really cute but Dave got a really bad seat next to the hostess stand thing. Haha, we were really chill so no worries. Doma Japanese Restaurant 1822 Callowhill St Philadelphia, PA 19130

[myh3artbeats]

Salmon sushi burrito on Flickr.

I finally checked out Hai Street Kitchen for its sushi burrito. I instantly gravitated toward the salmon one because that’s one of my favorite (especially on sushi). Anyway, it was a little bit pricey for the size but surprisingly, filling and definitely worth a try. At least once! I’d go back but $9 for a sushi burrito seems a little absurd. It was very nice to catch up with Angela so this day was beautiful. Then I had an amazing photo session with the amazing David. Hai Street Kitchen 32 S 18th St Philadelphia, PA 19103

[myh3artbeats]

Authentic Mexican food for dinner on Flickr.

Delicious fajita. So so good. I want some now. They give huge portions and the restaurant is nice and dainty. Warning: It can get kind of loud though and the place is really small so you can hear people’s conversations. Taqueria La Veracruzana 908 Washington Ave Philadelphia, PA 19147

[myh3artbeats]

Day 365: bowl of pho on Flickr.

comfort food to ring in the new year. new year, new start! (a little late but better late than never!)

[myh3artbeats]

Day 364: I’m so glad I met you on Flickr.

I really am :) #endofcheesiness

[myh3artbeats]

I wanna get lost in the city, forget my name, any pain and just be content for a slight moment. Blend in and feel the easiness of my breath. No worries but just the foreignness soaking me in, absorbing every bit of me, making me a part of them.

[myh3artbeats]

I feel right at home with the thunder The rain comforts me Not sure what to do with myself Thirsty, had one - two many drinks Just two. Drowning out reality with the smell of raindrops Settles into me Reality finally hit me And I'm okay with it The sounds of thunder Beats along with me It's sure It's fine I think too much Life, Please be kind.

[psychofactz]

More Facts on Psychofacts :)

[psychofactz]

More Facts on Psychofacts :)