Damn. The fact that we’re 8 months deep in this now.
But today was a good day. I don’t write here all the time, but I journal for myself almost daily, trust.
I feel good on most days these days, despite the looming pandemic stress. Pandemic has been a lesson in patience, sure, easy to say, but how one actually embraces and puts that into practice is a whole other exercise.
Should I say I’ve been lucky to be unemployed in a dismal job market with minimal unemployment benefits (a blessing, nonetheless)? I think yes. I have been forced to just be in my apartment, with nothing but myself to entertain myself, and the come to terms with what I think I want and where I think I’m going. So just a few lessons I’ve learned during the pandemic.
Lesson #1 - I’m 34. This is my life now. I’m still very young in the grand scheme of things, but what am I waiting for? I said the same to myself when I got a huge arm tattoo summer 2019. What am I preserving my skin and body for? I’m there. Of course I hope to have decades more of life, but I’m not a kid saying “when I grow up” anymore. I’m grown. Now is the time, and if I make the wrong decision, I’ll make another decision another time. So, I’m learning how to embrace every single day and the small tasks I complete. These small tasks create larger works of art, but it’s the fact that I need these small daily components that make me finally embrace the journey.
Lesson #2 - Relish everything. I sit and savor my meals, my tea, my wine, my music, my musings. One of my greatest pleasures is food. I have a weakness for all forms of junk food, but I do try to nourish myself too. I think that is important. And if I go a few days without substantial servings of veggies, well forget it. I feel it. So I embrace my meals. I try not to let things go by in a hurry, even if it’s that small sip of water. I enjoy the feeling of cool water on my tongue and going down my throat.
Lesson #3 - Don’t judge how others cope with stress. I am and out of sight out of mind gal, and if it’s in sight, it’s coming out of my mouth. So - I’m a venter. But my friends and companions - a lot of them internalize their stress and become unresponsive to texts. It’s been a struggle, but I am trying to remember, it’s not about me, and it’s not really about their character necessarily either. We all deal with stress/trauma/pain in different ways.
Some moments from today -
I ate monkey bread from Terms of Endearment bakery in Williamsburg before I could snap a pic.
Just got a new jacket from Aritzia and decided to take it out on a walk. Also remembered I had a new headband. I was really feeling this lewk and took my first OOTD photo. For the record the shirt and jeans I’ve been wearing every day for two weeks straight. Also, I LIKE WEARING JEANS in my home even if I’m not going anywhere - remember what I said about not judging people? Jeans>leggings every day in this household.
Went for a walk to Cafe Erzulie, a Haitian bar/cafe/restaurant in Bushwick, to get some mid-November UV.
Ugh kale salad, the worst. I am not a veggie person but force-feed them to myself every day because that is the only way I will eat them. I do them in all ways - roasted, baked, sautéed, raw - and I am just not into them. But this is adulthood I guess and I gotta get them vitamins. And do not tell me “But just try it this way” because I spend hours every day on NYTimes cooking and Food52 amongst other sites, and I will make the most delectable veggie dish and still want to eat everything else on my plate first. Oh how I wish I was the person who preferred veggies over meat and carbs. But carbs are my first love, so don’t even try. Ok sometimes I like maple-roasted brussel sprouts BUT THAT IS IT OKAY?