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Love Begins
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izzy's playlists!
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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roma★
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@myhumanwrites
Nothing but...
my observations. That’s who I am and what I have to offer. Ain’t that what art is. I provide no service, no goods, no fast fixes. I know much inside my brain, but there ain’t no one who can see it. I can point out your hypocrisy. I can frame a photo just as well as I can frame a question so you see nothing but what’s inside the viewfinder of my point of view. I have...
8+ months in now
Damn. The fact that we’re 8 months deep in this now.
But today was a good day. I don’t write here all the time, but I journal for myself almost daily, trust.
I feel good on most days these days, despite the looming pandemic stress. Pandemic has been a lesson in patience, sure, easy to say, but how one actually embraces and puts that into practice is a whole other exercise.
Should I say I’ve been lucky to be unemployed in a dismal job market with minimal unemployment benefits (a blessing, nonetheless)? I think yes. I have been forced to just be in my apartment, with nothing but myself to entertain myself, and the come to terms with what I think I want and where I think I’m going. So just a few lessons I’ve learned during the pandemic.
Lesson #1 - I’m 34. This is my life now. I’m still very young in the grand scheme of things, but what am I waiting for? I said the same to myself when I got a huge arm tattoo summer 2019. What am I preserving my skin and body for? I’m there. Of course I hope to have decades more of life, but I’m not a kid saying “when I grow up” anymore. I’m grown. Now is the time, and if I make the wrong decision, I’ll make another decision another time. So, I’m learning how to embrace every single day and the small tasks I complete. These small tasks create larger works of art, but it’s the fact that I need these small daily components that make me finally embrace the journey.
Lesson #2 - Relish everything. I sit and savor my meals, my tea, my wine, my music, my musings. One of my greatest pleasures is food. I have a weakness for all forms of junk food, but I do try to nourish myself too. I think that is important. And if I go a few days without substantial servings of veggies, well forget it. I feel it. So I embrace my meals. I try not to let things go by in a hurry, even if it’s that small sip of water. I enjoy the feeling of cool water on my tongue and going down my throat.
Lesson #3 - Don’t judge how others cope with stress. I am and out of sight out of mind gal, and if it’s in sight, it’s coming out of my mouth. So - I’m a venter. But my friends and companions - a lot of them internalize their stress and become unresponsive to texts. It’s been a struggle, but I am trying to remember, it’s not about me, and it’s not really about their character necessarily either. We all deal with stress/trauma/pain in different ways.
Some moments from today -
I ate monkey bread from Terms of Endearment bakery in Williamsburg before I could snap a pic.
Just got a new jacket from Aritzia and decided to take it out on a walk. Also remembered I had a new headband. I was really feeling this lewk and took my first OOTD photo. For the record the shirt and jeans I’ve been wearing every day for two weeks straight. Also, I LIKE WEARING JEANS in my home even if I’m not going anywhere - remember what I said about not judging people? Jeans>leggings every day in this household.
Went for a walk to Cafe Erzulie, a Haitian bar/cafe/restaurant in Bushwick, to get some mid-November UV.
Ugh kale salad, the worst. I am not a veggie person but force-feed them to myself every day because that is the only way I will eat them. I do them in all ways - roasted, baked, sautéed, raw - and I am just not into them. But this is adulthood I guess and I gotta get them vitamins. And do not tell me “But just try it this way” because I spend hours every day on NYTimes cooking and Food52 amongst other sites, and I will make the most delectable veggie dish and still want to eat everything else on my plate first. Oh how I wish I was the person who preferred veggies over meat and carbs. But carbs are my first love, so don’t even try. Ok sometimes I like maple-roasted brussel sprouts BUT THAT IS IT OKAY?
Goodnight.
Covid Diary - 5.5 months in
What made me smile today - most days there’s something, today nothing yet. Edit - hearing a neighbor practicing bad saxophone. <3 it. Edit 2.0 - realizing it’s not a neighbor but an actual song - so bad.
What made me cry today - realizing that I’ve felt like an unseen minority and second class citizen in America my entire life, but that no one would believe it since I benefit from white privilege. Cue the world’s smallest violin, I know, but it’s hard to reckon with that chip on your shoulder when one has also been immensely privileged and fortunate in life. There is a psychological inferiority complex that comes with this that runs deep. I’ll write about this more as I think about it. These are some thoughts that come up as I watched footage from the Racial Justice March in DC today.
What I'm reading today - The Kingdom that Failed by Haruki Murakami, flash fiction in the New Yorker
What I ate today - pizzaaaa
What I’m listening to today - my internal monologues - strong don’t recommend
What I’m creating - wrote half a page of my script - it was hard work today.
How I feel going to bed at midnight in Atlantic City. (at Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa)
I wish I rolled like this. (at West Village)
When I’m cooped up in an office with no windows I think of scenes like this. (at Trinidad, Cuba)
Sunset in Glacier National Park. August 2017. After a record-breaking 1 million visitors in July 2017, I find no one left on the roads as the park nears dusk. No cars, no people, no cell service. Just me. (at Going-to-the-Sun Road)
The Creation of Adam (at Hafız Mustafa 1864)
Everyone’s a critic. (at Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn)
If I don’t post a photo of the sticker did it even happen? Exercised my right to vote and just plain exercised. And now Beyoncé. Already a better Election Day than 2016. (at Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn)
Two hours until #tbt but I’m impatient. (at Galata Bridge Istanbul)
All the leaves are a'turnin' (at Breakneck Ridge)
I had so much fun last night this is one of the only photos I got. Congratulations to Amy, my friend since MIDDLE SCHOOL, and her husband Pete!!! #tsuitothemulligan (at Snug Harbor Cultural Center and Botanical Garden)
Back from a trip to Montreal to celebrate @atsui19's bachelorette. What a wonderful time with wonderful ladies, and a beautiful city! I could live there... (at Marché Jean-Talon)
at Montreal, Quebec
I've known these people two decades. Happy bachelorette weekend, Amy! #dominicthedominator (at Robin Des Bois)
Living my best life with huckleberry coffee from Montana (at Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn)