What is my life?

Thugnificent.

[taylornprice]

little potted plants. micron and marker in my sketchbook

[mylife-whatisit]

Science is not a belief system. It is a process designed to find the truth, test it, challenge it, replicate it, and keep testing it again.

[mylife-whatisit]

"Here comes a fan of yours"

[mylife-whatisit]

Maybe it's because I achieved a lot of the goals I was working towards in the past couple of years; or maybe because I'm so enamored of The Pitt, or maybe my recent interactions with the healthcare system; but lordy; I'm so regretful right now that I didn't try to be a doctor.

Like, let's be real; that was never a life goal. Never ever. I hated science classes and math; had 0 interest for 30+ years of my life, my mother who works in healthcare actively discouraged it, I wasn't interested in people's problems.

But now I am. For all my interest in English and writing and social sciences, that didn't exactly translate into anything particularly useful either.

And I've come to realize that the body is a system - a bunch of processes running together - and when one goes wrong it affects the others - much in the way the supply chains I enjoy working with in my real career do - but healthcare has endless puzzles like that to solve.

Nature has laws and orders; and things that will always be true to everyone; so your working towards a real solution and not just your bosses interpretive vision. (Currently reading about how electrons order themselves on the shells around the nucleus and it's juicy info).

And after working at the hospital for 3 years, and now working somewhere arguably vastly cooler; I can say, the hospital feels more alive somehow. Very plugged in to the community.

And also, medicine is so serious. Once again, I'm so sick of everyone acting like things are an emergency in the business world when they are not.

BUT to go to med school is too far away. I'd have to complete a bunch of pre-reqs, get accepted somewhere with my trash GPA from college and 0 shadowing/clinical hours; and then that would probably be somewhere far away and I'd have to move, and we already bought a house that I love and then where would the income to sustain our lifestyle come from, and realistically, the ship has sailed. RIP.

Let's just hope that when I go back to work I forget all about it and am instantly fulfilled and happy-ish again with my choices. Hah

[mylife-whatisit]

Recently reflecting on school and academics (of which I wrote a whole bunch about 10+ years ago).

Now that it's been a while; I'm craving some learning - and looking back on the amount of effort I put in when it counted. Everything worked out just fine and I'm living a fine life; but I could've like, tried harder and accomplished more with a little more effort.

Like seriously; what else was I doing during college? I could've figured out some sciences. Gotten a higher GPA. Gotten a more technical degree.

I have recently acquired some chemistry textbooks that I'm working through just for fun (and it is fun!) and I'm like "what was so hard about this?" But also filled with a deep longing to make it count for more than just my own interest.

But with three tiny kids and no real reason to do it, I can't really get back to school.

But I really think if I had tried a little harder, I could've made more of a difference in this world. And now it's essentially too late. Which is like ok, cuz like I said, life is fine and everything; but I wish I had a skill - I wish I could write a program, save a life, argue a law, build a structure or something. Oh well.

[sarahs-delights]

[sentientsky]

it's gonna be okay (/threat)

[xxxsarihartxxx]

[fromhersoul]

[mylife-whatisit]

Also, fuck these ants in my kitchen.

On one hand I actually really like ants - I like to watch them, I think they're really neat. The colonies, the team work, how busy they are, how they glom onto food they like and carry it away, how strong they are...

BUT ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER NOOOO.

Honestly, if it was just a little here and there it'd be fine, but it's been OVER A WEEK OF ANTS and no matter what we do - traps, poison, cleanliness - they KEEP COMING BACK.

And I'm worried that they're going to get into the formula machine, or find the snack cabinet, or the cereal in the pantry - so far they are just on the counter and in the kitchen sink.

BUT ALSO I HATE MURDERING THEM and I have to annihilate like 50 of them every day and I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT but WHAT OTHER OPTION IS THERE?!

PLEASE JUST GO OUTSIDE!!! I would even bring them sugar outside if I thought it would help but then there will just be MORE of them and I can't have that either. UGHGHGHGHGHGH.

[dystopianscty]

[thedankmemes]

[the-enchanted-little-star]

[demeter1111]

Goodnight ✨💫🕊️

[mylife-whatisit]

Ugh, 8oz of breast milk went to waste. In the fridge +3 days because for some reason it didn't get used on Friday or over the weekend. Sort of my fault - should have insisted on it over the weekend but I was home to nurse him instead which I much prefer...

And idk why I'm so salty about it, because I can just make more; but it's like, such a pain to pump, and it's like, I have to compete with the stupid formula machine which makes it fast and warm vs heating it up from the fridge... but it really just puts me in a foul mood to dump it down the drain.

Like, there are a lot of babies in the world that would have been a major benefit to; all those antibodies, the fat, the sugars... and lost, against super expensive formula and a fancy stupid machine.

I'll leave it on that note without getting all personal about it; but I feel like this is one of the most personal things and I have every right to be miffed.

[hobohobgoblim]

Turtle lock its a turtle lock y'all!

[mylife-whatisit]

I think that this last three months will be one of the happiest times of my life, kind of like Disney, and my second year of college, and also some of working at Best Buy.

I really get a deep satisfaction from caring for my two little guys; our daily rhythm of getting out of the house, whether it's going to a store or the library or a park or a relatives house; the calm of the afternoon nap; the satisfaction of the afternoon stroller walk; the relief when Dalton comes home, and the calm after both of the boys are asleep.

It's challenging, but in all the right ways. It's so fun to watch Franky learning and changing each day; Freddy getting bigger and bigger; making small improvements around my house, spending time with my family members.

I've even read a book and I'm halfway through another one; I pulled weeds in the back yard, I have a list of goals for the summer to work on my house and organization and stuff.

But, the fun ends in a little less than a week - then it's back to work.

Whomp whomp

[everythingfox]

To be an otter swimming in a river

[britomart]

[VD: a clip of a sea otter and its pup swimming in a body of water as light sparkles on the water. the otter rolls its pup onto itself and swims away. /end ID.]