I literally cannot overstate how important creative hobbies are when dealing with mental illness. If you can’t draw, there are coloring books. If you can’t write a novel, you can write in short journaling bursts. If you can’t sing in the shower, you can listen to music. Sometimes with mental illness it feels like we have this dark presence inside of us that is bumping around in our brain and organs, causing problems. It helps immensely to let it out.
I’ve found it really helpful to set goals to do art badly. Starting to shift my focus away from trying to be good at painting or drawing or whatever has given me the space to enjoy the process, to have the point be the act of making something. And I’m getting better at saying “I made this shitty painting of a carrot! It’s good because I made it and I enjoyed making it! I made a thing and that is enough!”
I used to use tumblr a lot back about 6 or 7 years ago? I tried to contain my shit posting here, and keep my fb a lil more wholesome and classy.
fb is now a shitposting cesspool, and now im back on tumblypoo to scream into the absurd void
so basically, here's what's happening to me rn: (tw medical stuff)
pt. I
last year around december, I start have shooting pains from the back of my hips own my left leg. it goes between stabbing pain and numbness
im like, holy shit, did i fuck up my spine? I was moving furniture around like a maniac for a christmas party and cookie baking sesh, so maybe i fucke it up that way. I joke its xtreme christmas cooking baking injury
so i go to my main man doctor like yo doc, i think i fucked up my spine
he's like, oh no, are u ok, let me give you some tylenol and let me give you a referral to the hospital and the hospital doesn't want to take me (let's be real i don't want to go either) because of all the covid patients, so my doc convinces them, and finally I get to go to the orthopedist
as an american, im afraid of the hospital for existential reasons physical and financial. but I have to tell myself i have national health insurance as a mantra and affirmation
the orthopedist schedules me for xrays and an mri. after the initial xray he's like yo, this is sciatic pain that could be cause by a hernia, so just take it easy, don't lift anything or do chores or nothing til we get you in for mri
im like ok, damn. i got sciatica like a real old person now. i was memeing before but this shit sucks. also ive never done an mri before and everything is in japanese so I gotta do some research before i go into the michealwave machine
they have this survey an one of the items to watch out for is tattoos
im lke omg i have a tattoo
the nurse was like, don't worry as long as the ink doesn't have metal u are g2g otherwise it may burn a lil
me ?????
never heard of this shit in my life. so anyways, im like, well, my tattoo is only black ink so i should be fine
im laying down on the mri bed thing and i have a sudden intrusive thought of being put into a morgue slidey out cabinet but i just try to do my yoga breathing an just endure because i wanna confirm if i fucked my back up. they give me headphones and i just close my eyes, cause I feel like im in a morgue box (my dumbass din't realize an mri machine is donut shaped)
the turn the machine on and im like wtf
mris are noisy. but this is like some edm rave shit playing actually. like i went to los angeles edc 2010 back in the day, and the mri was playing some drum n bass. so i just imagined that i was back in that sweaty crowd dancing and someone was giving me a light show and I felt better about the michaelwave
after a while, the mri was all done. at the follow up visit, the orthopedist pulled up my mri was like ok, your spine is normal.
im like my spine is normal? then wtf is pressing on my sciatic nerve. but yo, do you see this?
now, for the most part, i don't be looking at mris or internal organs for fun, so when he asked me I was like yes i see a giant mass of something but idk wtf it is
he's like, this is what is causing your sciatic pain
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