How I'm Experiencing Invisible Disabilities and Homelessness
'Sup. Tyler here, and I want to talk about invisible disabilities and homelessness. Specifically, my invisible disability and how it impacts us because we're homeless. If you'd like to support me and my family and read more articles like this, please tip me on ko-fi. Thanks! Now I'm gonna talk.
Some days, I'm fine. I sleep peacefully in the back of our vehicle, help move things around in there so we can drive or relax as the day requires, and I can drive us anywhere we need to go. But some days, I'm not okay. I can't pick things up, toss and turn while trying to sleep, and have to carefully plan out where we're driving and how long we're going to be there. The reason? I have a sciatic nerve injury, and I'm one of the unlucky percentage that does not recover quickly. One small trip over an uneven sidewalk; one wrong twist of my hips while trying to look behind me; heck, even an awkward sidestep off a curb has caused the agonizing pain and unpredictable muscle spasms to return. And since it's my right leg that's affected, twisting my foot/leg/hip to press the gas or brake pedals HURTS when I'm in the middle of a flareup.
This would be bad enough on its own, but now lets add the fact that Felix and I are homeless into the mix. Before we got our Safe Parking spot, we HAD to move the vehicle at least twice a day. Not that big of a deal during good days, but on bad ones? Hoo boy. Pressing down and holding the brake pedal at every red light, trying to pivot to check the honkin' big blind spots of our SUV before switching lanes; every movement sent shockwaves of pain coursing through my leg, and all I could do was blink away the tears and pray to whatever god was listening that my leg muscles didn't start spasming while I tried to press the gas pedal. When we'd park, Felix would help move the minimum amount of stuff needed to clear a coffin-sized space in the back, and then I would endure an agonizing 18-24 inches of crawling before I could lay down and pray that the flat position I flopped down in would be enough to ease whatever area of the nerve was pinched that day, and that nothing would force me to have to get up in a hurry.
Because there's another symptom of sciatic nerve injuries that not many people talk about, and it's the reason why I dread another flareup. Y'see, the sciatic nerve is the main connecting nerve from the base of the spine, through your hip, and down into your leg. So when it's pinched or injured, it can cause physical pain like I described; and, because of how it connects to other nerves, it can also send mixed-up signals to your guts, specifically your large intestine. Which often translates to "SOMETHING'S WRONG IN THERE YOU NEED TO EMPTY IT NOW!!!!!!!!!" So, I'd find myself sighing in relief as the pain in my hip/leg eases, but then The Rumble(TM) would start up in my guts, and I'd have approximately 10-15 minutes to find a bathroom. Which was bad enough when I was housed, because then I would have an agonizing time on the toilet while guts churned and my large intestine tried to dump absolutely everything it contained due to orders from (essentially) a faulty alarm system. But now I'm homeless, and I have barely enough time to de-coffin myself, throw on some appropriate clothing if I had bothered changing for sleeptime, and hope that we're parked somewhere near a portapotty or that the business nearby is open and the bathroom isn't closed for cleaning or repairs or the one men's stall isn't taken up by someone already. I ended up taking a lot of very gross dumps in the woods and cleaning up with baby wipes because I simply ran out of time.
My situation is better now that we have an assigned parking spot that we can stay in for days at a time if needed, and a portapotty within 10 feet, but it's still squarely in "not great". Partially because I'm still sleeping in a car and have to crawl around our living space instead of standing and walking, which is really annoying. But mostly because of "other people's expectations". The parking program we're in is intended to be more of a stop-gap than a final solution, and most people either get housing of some sort within days (usually if they have urgent medical issues or kids), or leave their space for one reason or another within 3-6 months. And I'm of working age, so people whose jobs are to transition us to another program or into housing are expecting me to, well, find work. And use the paycheck from said work to pay for a low-income apartment or hotel room or whatever. And meet with them once a week or once a month to give updates about said work finding, and instead I'm like "I didn't do anything cause I can't cause I'm hurt." So they give me more resources for job finding, and try not to let the disappointment show on their face because I don't look hurt, I'm standing and walking and everything! Never mind the fact that I've been awkwardly standing at the last two meetings we've had because it hurts too much to bend my hips and sit in a chair; never mind the fact that I have been leaning heavily on my umbrella for the past 15 minutes while they drone on and trying not to wince every time I have to shift my weight. I obviously can still work cause I'm young! I just need to try harder! Also, could you take the trash out at the parking spot? It's been overflowing and we can't ask the other parking spot users to do it because they're too old/young/insert excuse here. I know it's down a hill, and the trash bags are huge, but you can definitely do it! Get some exercise, it will help!
I wish I had a more uplifting conclusion to this, but we're still in the middle of it. I have attempted to find work, but after months and months of searching and 100s of applications, I've had only 2 interviews, neither of which turned into a job offer. And now I'm dealing with yet another flare up, this time before the previous one had completely calmed down. So, I'm currently staring down the barrel of another day where we weigh our options, carefully decide what errands we can put off and what ones we HAVE to do today, and pray that my leg muscles don't seize up while I'm trying to drive. Again.
If after this article you'd like to send some support to my family, I'd really appreciate a tip on ko-fi. Your support means a lot. Every tip makes it easier for us to get food and essentials, and take transit when I can't drive. Thanks!
