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I'm gaining so much weight that it's almost as if my relapse didn't even happen. I hate my body so so so much and it feels like no matter how much I starve it's not enough and I'll only gain weight

yesterday my friends came over and brought me a dinner, so I had to eat it for them. eating a full meal after restricting for a while really messed up my digestion😁😁😓

all I've eaten so far today was a mango! it totally sucks that I can't take my meds on an empty stomach. does anyone have any tips about that?

my current goal is to be back to 136 lbs, then down to 115, then down to 95, because my highest weight was 190 and I want to be half of that.

also, I'm in a camp that I did last year when I started severely restricting again, so thankfully this place is bringing back those feelings and urges and is making it easy for me to stay in a practice room rather than go to the cafeteria

life update: I haven't posted in a while because I've been mostly out of my eating disorder for the past few months. I've gained weight from eating "normally" and I hate my body more than ever. every day I get more painfully aware of my weight gain and I tell myself I'm gonna restrict, but I always fall through. I'm back because I want to lose all of the weight I gained and then some. I'll keep you updated this time!