My Mom is Drunk Again

A little place to share fun little stories of living with my mother. psst! its a sh!tshow.

[mymomisdrunkagain]

August 2, 2024 - "No."

Auntie and I have remained vigilant in our quest to clean out the garage and stiorage area(s) we've been filling up for the past ~20 years… and it's been a fuckuva coupla weeks!

We've been working, sweating our asses off pretty much 8 hours a day, every day, fighting black widows, finding dead rats, petrified cat shit, claustrophobic conditions, etc … but, also, its been like fuckin Christmas every single day with some of the stuff we've been finding!!!

Auntie's long lost one-of-a-kind 18c gold and gemstone pendant?

The one that’s been missing for 6+ years??

Found it!!

Gramps' World War II memorabilia, medals, and paperwork?

Thought burnt in a fire??

Found it!!

Auntie's puzzle jewelry box? With the secret sliding drawer??

Found it!!

So while we work and toil away, Mother stays drunk and stuck on the living room couch. Always with something to say about something or other, most often a topic of which she knows nothing about.

Oh! Also, keep in mind, we're finally cleaning out the garage b/c our eventual goal is to remodel the single car, double length garage into a brand new 3rd bedroom… FOR MOTHER.

Auntie and I have basically stopped asking Mother to do anything at all, bc not only does she not do it, we then have to listen to a litany of excuses, problems, and reasons why she feels she can't do it.

Just a moment ago, Auntie had to go out to the grocery store b/c we needed some food for today/tonight. I don't get paid until tomorrow, and was elbows deep working in the garage, etc, so I couldn't go shopping for us. Mother had her list of excuses as to why she couldn't go pick up a few things for us, so Auntie finally just went on her own. (keep in mind, also, Auntie is doing very very well, but not in the best of overall health…)

When Auntie returns with groceries, Mother promptly waddles out to her car, and drives over to the little convenience store on the corner to buy herself some more vodka. b/c all of a sudden, all the reasons why she couldn't go to the grocery store, vanished. While she's gone, Auntie comes into my room and says she's not feeling too hot, is really tired, and is going to ask Mother to cook dinner for us tonight. I warned her against it, and explained that I wouldn't even ask, bc every single thing Mother does "for us," ends up somehow costing something twice as much down the road.

I've stopped asking Mother for anything. Its just never worth it.

And, whaddya know? When Mother comes back with her new jug of "premium" vodka, Auntie asks her to cook dinner for the two of them tonight, and Mother has the actual physical balls to say, "No."

And, her reason? Because she "doesn't want to."

Love it!!

[mymomisdrunkagain]

2.5bd, 1ba

classic example: mother tells me she's going to take a shower in 15 mins. she asks if i need the bathroom before that. no. that was at 2pm. 15 mins + 45 mins (rough estimate) = 1 hr. minimum until I can use the bathroom to get ready for work at 6pm.

3pm. "I'm finally going to get in the shower. do you need to use the bathroom? I have to be ready for an appointment at 5." ok. great.

4pm. "ok! now I'm really getting in the shower! do you need to use the bathroom?" ....and now i'm starting to get nervous...

4:50pm. "oh shit. i'm running so late. but i have to take a quick shower. do you need to use the bathroom before i do?" uhhhhhh....

5:15pm. she gets in the shower.

5:45pm. "Its okay. I called the doctor's office and told them I was running late. they said they'd stay open for a little bit to see me. I hope I make it!" said, as exiting the bathroom and racing around the house then out the door.

6pm. I'm late for work. And unshowered.

Bright side is: She _did_ ask if i needed to use the bathroom each time!

[mymomisdrunkagain]

I'm really just ... disappointed... I thought that this big, exciting experience of Life was going to be all about learning and improving; working together (or solo!), developing innovative ways to understand, strengthen, and elevate humanity; with worthwhile investments of time and self made to the greater Good in the names of Science and Spirituality. I thought Life was going to be about lessons in Love and Loss, Compassion and Empathy, Sadness and Hope. About learning to overcome disparate cultural diversities, the development of strategies to create and maintain peace; to establish new methods of communication to more efficiently and succinctly understand our fellow human beings-- maybe to even understand the Natural World around us!

I thought these things, even if just one or two, would make for a Life worth living... If I could recognize even the slightest bit of positive impact on the world around me; a tiny hint of some impact that i actually contributed to... I would feel satisfied, to my very soul, that my existence and time spent on this planet, in this form, even at the smallest level, was worthwhile.

But, I suppose that's all part of it-- the folly of being human: pride, expectation, hopes and dreams. To honestly believe that my time, my energy, was actually noticeable?? There's the lesson, right there! Humility, reality, cold, hard truth. Nothingness.

I was led to believe that this grandiose story of Life was going to be about growth and creativity, exploration and exchange, but instead, it's been all about finding ways to earn money just so i can eat.

Who do I talk to about a refund?

[mymomisdrunkagain]

June 25, 26 -- I Really Feel Like I Tried Hard, but Family is the Worst Concept of Them All

June 25, 2024 --

So, yesterday, I woke up late (my depression has been hitting hard this past week) and opened my bedroom door to the sound of laughing and clapping and the TV on full blast in the living room. Maddie (our sick, incontinent tabby, who has been with us for about 12 years) made her way into my room to eat some of Malcolm's (or solid white cat who was rescued from the streets of TJ) food. I don't know why, but our cats have taken to eating each others food before they eat their own.

Maddie starts to do the "im gonna hurl" low-pitched yowl, and so I tell her to please not throw up in my room. The TV's loud and theres clapping and laughing from the living room, so I raise my voice (still mostly joking (given the fact that I just woke up, and this would be just perfect for me to have to deal with first thing "in the morning"), and I just keep saying, "Please don't throw up in my room."

Auntie comes running in to help as Maddie starts barfing. I go to grab some paper towels as she also starts shitting. On my way back into my room, mother decides to chime in and yell at me for raising my voice at the cat. And she keeps going. "How dare you yell at that poor cat! She's sick! Its not her fault!"

So, now she's triggered the fuck outta me, AND she stomping all over feelings of guilt, AND she's telling me what to do in my own house, AND she's telling me how I can talk to my own cat, AND she's drunk off her fucking ass, and its only 2pm.

I try to let it wash over me as Auntie and I walk out to the kitchen to get Maddie some food for her now-empty stomach, and mother keeps going on about how I yelled at the sick cat.

I tell her to shut the fuck up, please, b/c Auntie and I were having a private conversation, and mother gets up from the couch (without any back pain, of course) and demands I repeat what I said to her. And I let her have it.

I told her she was a lying, manipulative, fucking bitch who is using her sister and draining all life from her and us, and that she's just waiting for my Auntie to die so she can have this house, and basically everything I've been telling her for the past year since she moved in, only, for some reason, this time she's actually hearing me.

And, she pretends to be horrified. Like she's never heard any of this before, and as if its all untrue. So, she starts bawling-- cuz the drunk-- and runs into Auntie's room and slams the door. Auntie looks at me and shrugs, cuz she knows I'm right and that everything I just told mother was true, but more b/c theres not much we can do about it.

Mother comes back out of her bedroom telling me that this that about how her family loves her and her family did this and that for her, and 'how dare I,' and so I finally explain to her that she's not my mother, that my mother would never treat me like this or her family like this and that my mother died long ago and we don't know who this woman is.

Well that apparently hurt her even more (cuz shes drunk), so she goes back in and starts crying again (keeping in mind that auntie was tired and wanted to take a nap in her own bed but now she can't).

She comes out of the bedroom again and starts explaining and raving about how her back hurts and how she can't do anything and how she has arthritis. She starts yelling at me about looking at her x-rays, and I explain that I've seen them, and it doesn't matter what they show, b/c we've all seen how she acts, and that actions are worth a lot more than pictures.

We've all seen she gets up and does whatever she wants, whenever she wants, when she's feeling like it. If it's something she doesn't want to do, forget about it! All of a sudden, her back hurts and it's out of control levels of pain. I asked her why she doesn't contribute to the household chores-- she certainly more-than-doubles the amount of chores that need to be done (just like when I was a kid).

I asked her why she couldn't take the trash out while she was going to the liquor store. Well because her back hurts. Buuut…. it doesn't hurt too much to lift all the gallons of glass bottles of vodka to and from the car. that's something that she can do no problem even though some of the trash bags would be less weight! Nope. She still can't do it.

I realized then that if her disability is really so severe that she can't even manage to take out her own trash, that her disability level is far greater than I can accommodate. I'm already caring for Auntie with her stage 4 colon cancer. I can't also take care of a 300lbs elder woman who can't get up off the couch and can't manage minor household tasks. That's beyond my ability level. Especially, since she's drinking to supposedly numb the pain, which is causing even more damage to her body, and she just sits around eating everything in the house, which, the added weight is even more harmful… she's basically forcing us to watch her kill herself, and I'd, personally, rather not.

So, I started looking into retirement homes and assisted living care facilities before doing some more maintenance out back. By the time I got back and spoke with Auntie, Auntie decided that we'd all need to talk about this before I take any action, and that mother has to be sober when we have our conversation. Well, that's Auntie's passive-aggressive way of keeping mother at the house (I'm hoping mainly b/c of the rent she's supposedly paying), b/c we all know, mother is never sober.

June 26, 2024 --

Mother's right back out on the couch. Auntie's out having to work at 70, with stage 4 colon cancer, and mother's just watching TV and drinking.

So, I've decided, nothing will ever change. Mother always gets what she wants. She's gonna take this house when Auntie passes. She's gonna have to get a job in order to keep the house. She's not gonna do that, so she'll either lose the house immediately, or, when she passes, MediCare is going to reclaim the millions of dollars she owes them from her lifetime of free medical care out of her estate, which will be this house. Either way, the 20 years I've put into living here, paying rent here, maintaining the home, etc., are all out the window. Even tho Auntie has been promising the house to me for at least the past 10 years. For some reason, its not in writing yet. And I'm not going to force the issue, b/c if for some reason she wants my mother to have the house and just doesn't want to tell me, I don't wanna bust her balls over it.

What this all boils down to, given my family history, and current events: Family is the worst thing in life. Family will betray you, hurt you, rip you down, hate you, destroy you THE VERY HARDEST, because they can. Because they know you from day 1, and they will use that against you up until the day they leave this earth and leave you with nothing but a bitter taste of bile and the knowledge that you've wasted your entire life trying desperately to fit in with them. But, in reality, they never wanted you. No one ever wanted you.

[mymomisdrunkagain]

June 24, 2024 - the Mysterious Cable Cable

Auntie had a long cable running the length of her room that came in from outside the house. We haven't been sure if she/we needed it for years but haven't gone through the process of tracking down where it came from or where it led.

She asked me about it again today, so we decided to finally take care of it.

Mother is, of course, drunk on the couch in the living room. Its 4pm. On a Monday.

Auntie and I were in Auntie's room discussing the cable and suddenly all these questions and suggestions and orders are being barked at us from the living room. And, mother being mother, she cannot and will not be ignored. Any question asked, no matter how non-sequitur it may be, must be giving some response, or there's hell to pay. She continues repeating the question again and again, at increasingly louder volume, until she finally gets some sort of answer.

So, Auntie and I decide to disconnect the cable in the middle of the room where its coupled to another cable, but first, we wanted to take a quick look outside to see if we could determine its origin.

As we're talking, mother continues yelling at us from the other room. We're trying to ignore her b/c we're having our own conversation, but she's persistent and keeps yelling. She finally yells something like, "why don't you disconnect the cable somewhere where it connects to another cable?!" (the solution Auntie and I had already come to moments earlier).

We leave her room to go outside to look and by now, mother is insisting that we disconnect the cable immediately and save ourselves the trouble of any more investigation. She's actually getting up off of the couch to come "help" us do "her" plan.

I tell her, "Go for it. Do whatever you want. When its disconnected, make sure you check all the TVs and all the internet gateways and modems and routers and whatevers," (I was hoping that'd overwhelm her AND let her know the reason why we hadn't done that step yet, because it requires a bunch of additional steps) -- but, nope! My trick didn't work.

As Auntie and I are outside chasing cables, mother is now hollering at is from Auntie's room about not being able to undo the coupler, or not being able to free the cable from behind furniture, or can't do this or that or whatever… until, finally, she says she's got it and the TVs are all still getting signal. Great. Thanks.

When we get back in the house, she tells us all about her amazing journey of disconnecting the cables again, clearly expecting some overwhelming show of gratitude from us. We say "great thanks" and go back about our business. Mother continues on about the cables and the TVs and whatever, but has left a big mess of the cables on Auntie's bed. Mother now hurts too much to clean up the mess she's made and is back lying on the couch, watching TV, sippin at her sips, complaining, repeatedly, about how she's in so much pain and how sorry she is that she can't help.

My thing is this: if you're in so much pain, constantly, you're not even gonna volunteer to even TRY to do something like this-- something that requires lots of bending over, holding yourself at a weird, bent angle, and twisting around a lot as you decouple the cables. If you hurt SO much you can't even take out the trash, or empty the dishwasher b/c of the bending, you're definitely not gonna go fuck with some painted down, nailed down cables… unless, of course, you want to.

Clearly, shes in NOWHERE NEAR the level of pain she claims she's constantly in. She ALWAYS does what SHE WANTS, when SHE WANTS TO. She goes to the liquor store to buy more vodka when she's out, but she can't manage to empty even the top shelf of the dishwasher. She can get up to pour another drink, but she can't put new bags in the trash cans.

This is just a shining example, PROOF, if you will, that she's a lying, manipulative, compulsive drunk bitch. And, that she's, in fact, causing us to do MORE WORK, most of it "on Auntie's behalf," (which is bullshit and she's just making me do things for her, lying and saying that its for Auntie), and that she's doing all of this TO US INTENTIONALLY. Her own motives may never be known, but my theory is that she's doing this because she's an entitled, lazy, abusive bitch.

She feels like she should be waited on hand and foot, so she fakes her pain levels and disabilities in order to have this feeling fulfilled.

She can CLEARLY do anything she wants, when SHE WANTS to. But god forbid anyone ask her to do anything outside of her own selfish wants, and there's hell to pay.

[mymomisdrunkagain]

Mind.Blown

Sometimes, when I'm able to find a little corner of clarity amid the racing chaos in my brain, i find myself mind.blown. ... sometimes over the most random, everyday shit.

This one still gets me, regularly: we live in a world, and at a time, where completely intangible, non-physical, solely energetic "things" (for lack of a better word) can be given physical existence. Thinking about this now, i'm realizing this concept has been a fundamental truth for humanity since the very first time a sentient, thinking individual expressed a thought that was recorded on whatever media was available.

to put it simply, we are blessed with the power of alchemy. we can do the impossible: transmute energy into a solid form. we exist in a system where thoughts and ideas, "things" that are exclusive to each individual and exist only for that individual as energy in the form of a thought-- our reality allows us to convert these energies into physical, actual, tangible "things." "Things" that have actual mass and take up actual space.

We truly are magical beings. Our powers, unlimited. Through the fundamental practice of communication, we become like gods. I was originally stuck on the idea that as a graphic designer, i'm able to transform my ideas (energy) into physical elements that require physical space to occupy (hard drive storage space, paper media, any manner of other media, even stone!)

our thoughts and ideas require physical space.

Even just expressing this zany stream-of-conscious ramble here, in this way, costs us physical space. it sets me to mind.blown status to think that we, as a species, are able to do this transmutation in such abundance that we require vast swaths of land in order to store all these thoughts and ideas.

In fact, our species has now gifted this power of creation, and thus, necessity of storage space, to our mechanical offspring that were at one time themselves created for the sole purpose of recording and storing our ideas. Now that the machines can create, and in such prolific volumes, i can actually imagine a point where we start running out of physical space to house all of our magical creations.

[mymomisdrunkagain]

My Mom is Drunk Again -- Some Hometown Revelations

June 22, 2024 --

It's been awhile since I posted anything, but don't worry patient followers, everything has been pretty much the same! So, you haven't missed much!

Same ol' conversations with a drunken version of my mother at noon... same screaming matches between her drunk ass and poor struggling Auntie at midnight...

Sadly, things have gotten worse for my Auntie. Her stage 4 colon cancer was in remission, but then over the course of a 9 week period, she wound up missing any kind of treatment (various, legit reasons, too. just so surprised and sad that it wound up being so many legit reasons in a row for so long!), and then mother came back from a dog sitting job, and bingo-bango! Auntie's cancer is back, and now theres even a new malignant mass higher up in her colon.

She's strong as fuck tho, so I have faith she'll pull through... it'll be a really rocky road along the way tho.

But! Just when you thought the norm was gonna bore you to tears, I had a startling revelation that literally shook me all the way to my tumblr and started my fingers a'typin! Its got a bit of a backstory, so grab some popcorn and get comfy!

My Mother and Auntie are from a small town in Illinois, where my grandparents lived their whole lives. My grandfather died suddenly from a blood clot after having undergoing exploratory surgery to try to find out what was causing him some major problems. Surgery was a success, and the following day, he was feeling well enough to take a little stroll around the hospital grounds. He got back to his room, told the on-duty nurse he was feeling a little extra-winded from his walk and went to sit down. The nurse said she could tell by his face, he was dead before his butt hit the chair.

My amazing, stellar, words-can't-describe-her grandmother was 2nd generation Swede, daughter of a pastor, and an all-around amazing woman. First female to graduate their small town's college, got her masters, and was a life-long intellectual. She was deeply devoted to history and reading, but her true love, which she made no secret about, was art. She devoured images and shapes and sounds and texts as if her soul was somehow incomplete without them. Her passion for the arts continued on long after her death through the amazing things she gifted to her family.

All that being said, Grandmother was not financially-minded. Grandfather had taken care of everything that was prefixed by dollar signs and she was blessed with a life free from financial burden and worry-- for a time, at least...

When Grandfather died, it turned out he owed the family about half a million dollars, which the petty, vindictive, small-dick small-minded younger brother used as leverage to vote the rest of our part of the family out of the family trust. He hated my Grandfather so much, that his broken, sad little mind had to get revenge by removing our part of the family from our rightful inheritance and access to the family trust.

Well, his actions broke us. Completely. But, this is getting too deep into the nitty and or bitty-- gritty.

Around 2010 (?), Mother decided that Grandmother was showing signs of dementia (Mother is a doctor of all medicines, you see, and was clearly able to diagnose this mental failing from across the country, over the phone), so Mother went out to visit and check in on her.

Well, while Mother was there, she decided to live it up! Visit her friends, see the sights, knock back some drinks, and just paint the town-- or whatever the phrase is.

And, while staying with Grandmother for what wound up being a little over 2 months, Mother pissed through all of Grandmother's hard-earned, eagle-eye-watched savings.

See, Grandmother wasn't good with banking, at first ... but she caught on fast, and became a total wizz at spending and saving and making things work. She was able to live quite well off of Grandfather's social security, but she still had to watch where every cent went.

Long story, short, we decided we needed to bring Grandmother out here to Cali to live with us and along the way, things went downhill so so quickly. Well, she was forced to live with my Mother in this 3 bedroom home that somehow ... my Mother wound up being the sole remaining renter in. She managed to be such a horrible person that the 3 other roommates couldn't stand living with her, so, over time, they all bailed, leaving Mother with this place to herself, and us in (what we thought) was an ideal situation to help Grandmother.

When Grandmother's health started really failing, we discovered that her long-term health insurance that she'd had for 30+ years had been cancelled to non-payment and she was left out to dry when it came to any kind of decent health care. She had long-term health insurance which covered everything, including full-time, live-in home care assistance. She would have been so well cared-for up until her dying day. She paid spent her hard-saved money on this policy that included burial costs, and even a small payout to her next of kin. It was an amazing policy that she made sure she always had the funds for when the auto-bill payment came every 3 months.

I had always assumed she'd forgotten to make a payment because of her memory lapses... but, thanks to those wonderfully clear shower thoughts... i finally realized that the payment was missed because Mother had drained all of Grandmother's savings. Two months of vodka for mother cost my Grandmother her dignity; she never wanted to be a burden to us as she got older, but she lost that sense of peace, too. All gone in 60 days time. 30 years, spent on countless vodkas consumed in a useless effort to entertain, then numb, an entitled, selfish bitch.

[mymomisdrunkagain]

Ouch.

For several years in a row, while my niece and nephew were between the ages of like 12 and 20, I had decided it would be best to skip family functions with my dad's side of the family. I've led a rather ... unconventional ... life, and I didn't want any of my past mistakes? choices? lifestyle so in anyway have some sort of negative influence on how niece and nephew grew up.

I may be wildly overestimating my influence over people in my family, but I do remember parts of my life around that age, and I recall being desperate to grab onto even the slightest hint of anything subcultural-- partly as an escape from my own life, and partly as a "fuck you" to my family.

And, now, as I'm trying to reconnect, of course things are strained... I assumed they would be, but I guess part of me was hoping I'd be getting invitations to all the family things again, like I used to. Instead, I just have to kinda show up, or send repeated messages to my dad or sister.

I get that I've probably hurt them by my absence, or whatev. I guess I don't really have any kind of clue about what they thought/think about all my missing time. I'm pretty sure they don't think its anything like the "noble reason" that I stayed away.

At one point, after we'd broken up, I found out that while I was with an ex of mine, he had actually been working at the same restaurant as my niece! I don't know if he knew she was my niece, but I'm stuck on the thought that, if he did know-- well, either way, really ... he could have said or done some pretty damaging things by telling her all kinda shit, real or made up.

Several years ago, I asked my sister if my niece had known him, and my sister said, enthusiastic as ever, that she'd ask my niece and let me know. Time passed... nothing. A year passed... nothing. Years... nothing.

And, finally at my most recent birthday dinner, last October, when it was just my dad, sister, and my niece, at an awkward silence, it dawned on me that I never heard an answer to that! So, I asked my niece and she gave me the weirdest look, looked across the table to my sister, then back to me and said, "Well, yeah! But that was such a long time ago!"

And, I proceeded to say, "yeah, such a small world. we used to date. he actually lived with me for a year or so..." and nothing more was said on the topic.

Now, fast forward ~6 months, and I haven't heard word 1 from any of them. I got a message from dad making sure to invite me to christmas b/c he was concerned my sister didn't invite me.

I went to christmas. it was the standard awkwardness. I bumped into my step mother, and she said, "oh hi! I didn't expect to see you here." and i took that to be just her being a bitch, as usual.

I know my dad has known I'm gay for at least 20 years. I'd assumed my sister knew too, tho I've never directly told her. I know my step-brother has some deeply rooted good ol' boy american racist tendencies that pop out at randomass moments, and so now I'm thinking maybe the disconnect and the resulting total cold shoulder is b/c either my sister _didn't_ actually know, and has a problem with it, or, she had been hiding it from my step-brother, and since i'd brought it up to my niece, maybe she told her dad, and now it's all just gone to shit.

all this just help to mark another few tallies on the "FAMILY SUCKS" side of the Life Experiences board. It's really at the point where there is only one member of my family, my aunt, helping me hang onto the wild concept that "FAMILY IS GOOD." She's an amazing person, in general, and as a family member... well, she's definitely worth holding onto the idea that family is good.

[inamorati10]

Ketel One Vodka

source : thewhiskyexchange.com

[mymomisdrunkagain]

had to. it tracks.

[mymomisdrunkagain]

April 17, 2024

April 17, 2024 - she always picks times when Auntie is gone to pull the "Bathroom Emergency" bit. I used the bathroom and decided to take a quick shower (necessity can be a bitch, too!). Keep in mind, since there is only one bathroom in our house, over the 15+ years I've lived here, 100% of the time with at least 1 other person, I've learned to take pretty quick showers-- usually around 10-15 mins, never more than 30, sometimes 5).

At 6:30pm, mother was asleep in Auntie's bedroom, as usual, passed out from drinking all day. If I'm planning to take a shower, I'll usually announce it to whomever before I go into the bathroom. Since she was asleep and I wasn't planning to take a shower, I didn't even think about saying anything to her.

Sure enough, like clockwork, bang bang bang on the door. (oh yeah. I've taken to locking the door when im in there, now, too, b/c I appreciate privacy and I don't want her barging in. It seems like the bathroom is the last room in this house where I can feel safe; the last refuge away from her constant nagging and berating and demanding and selfishness.) -- I pretended I couldn't hear her at first, but then she started pounding on the door, talking about how its an emergency and how she has a prolapsed bladder and how shes so sorry but I have to open the door, etc etc. when she realized the door was locked, she flipped.

Started yelling about how shes peeing her pants, and how could I do this to her, and its an emergency…. Well, I tried to explain to her that I hadn't been planning on taking a shower and my situation was an emergency, too, and all of a sudden, she can't hear me!

Please note, she only does this when Auntie is not home.

She is trying to make it uncomfortable for me to live here so I move out on my own. The problem is, I know this game, so there's no way I'm leaving. No matter how annoying she gets. Of the two of us, she's the one who gets money from the government every month. She's the one who has some upper tier section 8 voucher, which, in San Diego, allows you to convert any rental into a section 8 rental, meaning the government pays the rent. So, between the two of us, she's the one that would have much more success in finding her own place.

BUT SHE CAN'T BE BOTHERERD. She can't be bothered to even LOOK for her own place, let alone go out and take a look at what the rentals look like. I found 10 places available, in Mission Hills, that are section 8 rentals, in about 10 minutes of searching online. She can't even be bothered to look at the list.

[mymomisdrunkagain]

April 16, 2024

April 16, 2024 - mother insisted on buying dinner for everyone again. Fine. She can do what she wants with her money (tho I think she should be saving it up for a place of her own, but whatev…). I said, "no thanks." and she got all pissed. She even bought me a burrito anyway. Weird part is, Auntie brought it in on a plate for me and tried to convince me to eat it. WTF is up with that!? There are any number of possible reasons, but I keep feeling like they're putting something in my food.

Honestly, this started out as a little joke; I didn't think they'd really be putting something in my food or whatever … but, that little seed certainly did grow in the back of my mind, b/c now I'm really starting to wonder if they _are_ doing something to me/my food!

Why was auntie so insistent that I eat this fuckin burrito?? I mean, theres other food in the house to eat, and I could go get something on my own… so I really don't get it.

I also really don't give a fuck if they want to poison me or whatever… go for it! Its not like I have much goin on these days anyway! I focus way too much time and energy defending myself against mother and worrying about what shes going to do or what shes whispering in auntie's ear about me…

Hell, if nothing else, she could put all that money aside for the food she's been buying me and give it to me to move somewhere else! That way she could finally have my bedroom here and finish her disgusting, demonic plan of waiting for auntie to die in comfort.

All this bullshit just so she can have this house. Its been her life-long dream to have a little house of her own with nothing to worry about. Isn't that cute? The only snafu is that she hates the Clairemont neighborhood-- its far too beneath her… so, she's gonna get this house and hate it til the day she dies. Just like her car. She got it for free, so she can't complain about it, but hates it so so much!

Hah. Sometimes there is justice in this ugly world.

[mymomisdrunkagain]

Merp.

I've never quite understood why they call baseball "America's Favorite Past-time" ... unless they're just referring to people whacking things with sticks.

[mymomisdrunkagain]

April 07, 2024

April 07, 2024 - so, as we all know, mother sits out on the couch in the living room all day drinking and eating. Today was no exception. We have three cats: Maddie, Trouble, and Malcolm. Maddie is very old and will probably pass before the end of the year. It makes me sad, and I tear up thinking about losing her and the great times we've had, but then I remember she's not gone yet, and go out of my way to spend more time with her and make her feel more comfortable, etc.

The reason I'm telling you all this well become clear in a minute.

We have an open concept house where the kitchen is right off of the living room (where mother parks her ass everyday, and where she passes out every night), and the place where we feed out cats is visible from the couch.

Ok, so, Trouble likes to scarf down his food and then rush over and bully Maddie out of the rest of hers. We don't like that, so we usually watch her until she's done eating, then pick up her bowl and cover it until she's hungry again later. Today, I was finishing up the big project out back that Auntie wanted me to finish a couple days ago, and since mother was already sitting on the couch, I figured she'd be able to watch Trouble and stop him when he sneaks over to steal Maddie's food.

That's not much to ask of someone, I wouldn't think… especially since I was already out back sweating my face off. ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS STAY WHERE SHE WAS, DOING WHAT SHE WAS ALREADY DOING, FOR 5 MORE MINUTES! It wasn't like I even troubled her to do the actual feeding of the cats… So I feed them, and as I'm leaving the kitchen to go back outside and finish, mother gets up and moves her whole program to Auntie's bedroom… to drink more, eat more, and watch more TV.

Mother KNOWS Trouble eats Maddie's food. We've asked her before, and she's even done it before, so she knows that it would have been super helpful for her to sit and watch the cats. Sit, which she was already doing, and watch. the. cats. Zero extra effort was required.

She literally couldn't even be bothered to do that. She, in fact, went out of her way to NOT do that. She's turned into just the bestest person in the whole wide world!

Thanks, Mother! Awesome bitch move!

[mymomisdrunkagain]

My Mom is a Big Fat Drunk

April 4 - she drank all day again today. took two or three "naps", had the bedroom and the livingroom TVs on, at the same time, on the same channel, and she was probably passed out, anyway. Oh! She also finally noticed that I'm not talking to her. Its been 3 days.

This evening's highlight? I wasn't getting any delivery orders at all while at home, so I decided I'd have to go park in a lot closer to UCSD and sit and wait. Seems like such a stupid waste of time, to me, but that’s a different story. Anyway, I left around 9pm and got to the lot around 9:20. I think she was passed out when I left, but I didn't double-check. As I was sitting in the parking lot, I started to get hungry and decided to grab something from Vons. I was also reminded of how shitting she's making this whole situation when I thought about grabbing more than just a microwave meal; anything I buy, she's just gonna eat and then I'm back at Vons--- err. See previous entry…

I guess at some point, she texted me to pick up some aspirin for her. Didn't read it. Don't care. She's perfectly able to order some whatever-the-fuck-she-wants from CVS and have it delivered by … wouldn't ya know it? … DoorDash! Plus, I was still on-the-clock, technically. So, no-go, lady.

I see right thru her manipulations, now that I've stepped back my emotional investment in her, and its all just pretty ugly. For example, she could order stuff and have it delivered, which she knows, which means her goal was to make me do something for her, thus reinforcing her psychological control over me. Nope. Not happening. Not anymore. … and then there's the nature of her order: aspirin. That was an immediate red flag. She wants me to know she's in "so much pain;" she can't even move a muscle to get some relief and save herself from all the terribleness! Nope. Not falling for it. No sympathy from me.

If you haven't see our dynamic in person, or know our stupid story in greater detail, I probably come off as coldhearted and callous. Maybe even evil. So, you'll have to just trust me when I say this seemingly mean/evil side of me is not what it looks like; this is really a positive breakthrough for me. I've been under her control and manipulation my entire life and this clarity and insight into her manipulations and schemes is a pretty cool piece of armor to help defend myself against her, and, hopefully, another solid step towards breaking free of her control, entirely!

The real clincher is that auntie got home from work before I did, and even tho I totally already knew the answer, I had to ask her anyway: did mother ask auntie to get her aspirin, too?-- since she was also out of the house, etc… and, No. of course she didn't. the discussion got a little heated and auntie finally broke down and asked if _she_ could go get mother's aspirin for her, even tho she was tired af and just home from work, too. Can you guess the answer? No. Of course she didn't want auntie to go get the much-needed pain reliever for her. She literally had a perfectly viable, albeit total dick move, solution to her problem right there and did. Not. Take. It. Hmm…. So, that means she specifically asked me and only me, and specifically asked for a pain reliever. Because of all the pain. Huh. Imagine that.

Couldn't be bothered to ask auntie. Couldn't be bothered to order CVS thru Door Dash. Couldn't even be bothered to try to go out and get it herself. I was the only person in the whole world who could save her from all the pain. Huh. Weird.

PS: oh yeah! Another big reason for my tough-love approach with her right now: she just sits around all day long, eating everything, drinking vodka, and barely even moves. Now, I'm not a doctor, but I do know a little bit about how the human body works, and I know from personal experience at various times throughout my life, that if I remain in one position for any extended length of time, my body, my muscles, get stiff as fuck. In fact, it can often be painful for those first couple of seconds when I start stretching and moving again after staying stuck for so long.

Her bad habits (subconscious or otherwise) are absolutely compounding, if not manifesting entirely, whatever injuries she may have. I'd be much more willing to do things like pick up aspirin for her on my way home from work if I saw that doing so would even do anything positive for her, and that she wasn’t the cause of all her pain to begin with!

[mymomisdrunkagain]

March 23, 2024

March 23 - shes taken to eating all my food. I absolutely don't mind sharing, but with her, I know I'll never be "paid back" for it, and, in fact, I am the one that has to go out and replace it. So, baiscally, I go to Vons for food. Spend my EBT on said food. Bring food back home. Unload food from car. Unpack food from bags (tho sometimes, Auntie helps with that)… and then that’s the last I see of food. I have to go to Vons again to buy more food to replace the food that was eaten, except, I didn't get to eat any of it! All because she can't be bothered to get off of her fatass to go to Vons herself… what a fun life I live!

[mymomisdrunkagain]

to fellow artists out there: i was just putting together my Projects lists for the next few months, categorizing mainly based on priority and estimated duration, when i realized my Top 2 projects-- like, my MAIN TWO PROJECTS-- that i'm hoping to drop by the end of the year... are both revenge projects! im low-key freaking out.

but then i thought, well, hmm... maybe it's ok to have your main projects be revenge projects?

whats the consensus?

Is it okay to have your main projects for the next couple of months be revenge projects?

yup

nah

depends

Voting ended onMay 5, 2024

[mymomisdrunkagain]

Feb 10, 2024

Woah. Waay too much on Origins in that last post. Sorry. A couple posts are gonna be back-dated to get everyone up to speed.

Lets get into it, then:

Feb 10, 2024 - she's been everso kindly offering to buy me dinner lately (its her latest trick to driving me crazy). On the surface, sure, it’s a very kind, generous offer… but what she's really doing is making sure she's digging her puppeteer's fingers even deeper in me. Psychologists analyzing narcissists and sociopaths have determined that one of the primary ways they control the people around them is by asking said people to do things for them. They may be small, trivial things, like bringing in the mail, or picking up something they've accidentally dropped, but what these little "asks" do is open a victim's mind to being caring and kind towards the sociopath, and basically, starts framing a "caregiver" construct for the victim towards the manipulator. The layman's version of the theory goes, 'if [the victim is] open to helping with one small thing, they'll gradually be open to helping with bigger and bigger things.'

I've been in bed all day today because I have a really weird headache. The pain is centered behind my right eye and radiates out to my face and the back of my head. When I move, I start to feel naseaus. I've been out to the kitchen twice all day to grab tentative foods like bread and crackers. I explained what was going on to both my aunt and my mother and went back to bed. This evening, I was starting to feel a bit better so I got up and started to work on my computer. Within minutes, I receive a text, "Heya - do you want  Pollo Loco for dinner? And can you go get it please??" Followed 5 minutes later by, "Hey - I can go if you don't want to…" … the second text was, of course, to remind me of the first, not . She doesn't want to go and I certainly don't feel up to going, but we all know, if I don't, the feelings of guilt are overwhelming.

So, she was expecting me to drop everything I was doing and go out to pick up "our" food. I needed to take a shower before I went anywhere, so I did, and did everything else to get ready to go. I wasn't even hungry! I finally came to my senses when I got back in my room after showering and asked myself, "Why can't she go pick up her own food?" … Because she's too drunk. Done.