Nightmare Journal

[mynightmarejournal]

Monday 6 October 2014

We were climbing, but we were also in class. I was talking, saying what I thought were profound things before class started, but once class started I lost all ability to talk and I started disappearing and everyone just let me slip away until I was there and I couldn't do anything but climb. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Recurring dream again. 

This is a zombie story. 

It always starts in a mansion with lots of people. Some are my friends in real life, some I don't know. Often it's a good mixture of both. There's an epidemic going around, like in the zombie movies, but it's been in progress for 50 years - I have a timeline because I have flashbacks to my childhood with my brother and I remember one of his friends turning and being killed when I was fourteen and Sean was 10. On one of the lower levels is this giant circus like room that is the entire span of the mansion with a stairwell in the middle. 

It's really hard to tell who is turning and who is not, so we often have to wait until they're all the way zombies. Then there are the pretenders, who join in with the zombies in biting and killing people so that the zombies don't attack them; those people are crazy and scary and to be avoided. No talking them out of it. People get really weak and slow when they're about to turn into a zombie, but there are no marks on their skin, so it's kinda hard to tell whether they're just kinda tired or sick or actually turning into a zombie. 

There are a lot of action sequences, and I can only remember some of them. There's this one lady that instructs me to use a knife when the zombies are sliding down the stairs to stab them in the chest or throat. ,There's one point when I'm running away from a pretender with a friend of mine and the pretender can run about as fast as we can, so we have to keep kicking ourselves into overdrive and burning energy until we escape him and are confronted with another zombie. 

One time we wet up an elaborate bomb trap to try to explode a couple of them that have been in our house, but it doesn't work out, which is probably for the best because we would've had even less space to work with. 

Anyways, it's devastating to watch people you know turn into zombies, not people anymore and then have to kill them. I hate the dreams that feel like thy're a year long and I can't do anything to get out of them, I just have to keep on keeping on. 

I eventually learn that my brother was murdered 50 years ago as well as my mother. I'm unsure who killed them, but I think it was me. They had turned into zombies and had to be dealt with. I found them in a boat in my dream, still preserved due to the zombie adrenaline coursing through their bodies...

[mynightmarejournal]

Sunday August 31, 2014

No nightmares last night - too tired for that. I'm okay with that. But you know that thing that you do sometimes when you're falling asleep? It feels like you're falling, falling, falling... awake! falling...falling...falling...awake!

[mynightmarejournal]

Wednesday 27 August 2014

Last night was rough. I hate having nightmares - I feel like an awful person when i wake up and I'm totally unprepared to do things with my day, but I need to forget by doing things to get over it. 

Last night I dreamed that this man was terrorizing me. He had a box cutter and lunged at me over and over again, cutting my arms, legs, and hands. For some reason, I was the only one that could see the cuts he left at first and everybody kept asking what was wrong, but I couldn't tell them because I was having panic attacks every time I remembered. It was terrifying, and even when I did get my point across and they were able to see th gashes on my hands, they weren't able to catch him and he kept appearing and terrifying me all over again, threatening me with the box cutters. It got to the point where I just wanted to die to forget because I had PTSD and could not stop shaking or remembering or avoiding panic attacks... It sucked so bad.  I felt like my whole being had changed, even though I knew that it was just a dream while I was dreaming it. I felt like shit, and a lot of the time the feelings that I have when dreaming carry through to the morning even though I know it was just a dream. I get overloaded by emotions from these nightmares really easily. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Friday, March 29, 2013

I haven't written these down in a while but that doesn't mean i haven't had them. 

Anyways, today was by far the scariest i've had in a while. Right now I'm feeling really vulnerable to everything. I'm scared ghosts are gonna want to come talk to me and I''m also scared to go to sleep. I'm literally crying I'm so scared.

I was at Sage and my Comp class was playing a game but all of a sudden I realized it wasn't a game anymore and Bradshaw came out of nowhere and it was the feeling and the destruction and the deafness , the muteness that came with it. He was behind me and in front of me and all around me and I couldn't handle it. He was a slithering and a shadow and a whisper and I still have the shivers from all that despair. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Saturday, February 16, 2013

She awoke feeling strange. She wasn't on any drugs that she knew of, except for trace remains of THC. But this kind of waking up, wasn't really ever being awake. She was still in the nightmares of her mind. Hands reached out and held her down, held her back from any escape she might've had. Friends around her peeked in and leered at her, reached for her, teleported away through the bushes. She wanted to go with them, not be left behind with the demons. She looked out her window and the world was on fire. Wake up she said, but she couldn't. She tried to think of anything warm, but she just shivered and the icecubes around her and inside her froze even further. She closed her eyes, thinking maybe if she didn't see them, the demons wouldn't touch her. This wasn't so. They grew even stronger. She opened her eyes and she could no longer see, but the world she'd manifested still revolved around her, groping her and making her feel like shit. More shit than she'd ever felt awake or asleep, because this was the combination of the two. 

Suddenly a friend knocked on the door and she felt the arms unwind, the world retracting. The friend walked in and asked her if she wanted to go to dinner. The friend had no idea of the terror the friend had saved her from. She got out of bed and went to eat. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I was in an airplane, but as soon as it landed I fell out and injured myself. I had to hobble towards shelter because I wasn't expecting to land where I had. I made it to the woods, then ran into a man who agreed to take me to a place where I could hide.

I ended up at a warehouse. He told me to be really really careful and to not let anybody see me or they might kill me. He put me in the storage unit. I was on top of tons of stuff, hiding and trying not to speak or make any noises while I was sleeping. There were a few windows, which for a few days I resisted opening. They were patterned with intricate swirls and dots that let in some light, but not enough for my taste. Eventually I caved in and opened them. They opened outwards.

A few days later the old man came by. He saw that the windows were open and told me I had to close them. He seemed really worried. Just as I was closing them, a boy appeared in one of them, staring right into my face. His eyes widened. My heart stopped beating then began to pound in my chest. I knew they were a vicious set of individuals, generally without mercy and I didn't want to die at their hands. The boy came around to the door and grabbed my arm and dragged me out into this warehouse lined with rooms. In each of the rooms was a beautiful perfect girl, similar to the old Bellas in Pitch Perfect. He dragged me to the very front of the warehouse where the queen bee lived. She looked at me and said something. At first I couldn't understand her, but I realized it was an ancient tongue. 

She was telling me that I was pretty, too. That I could be one of her girls. All of us girls were clothed only in underwear, but our hair was long enough to cover our breasts. My hair had only just gotten long enough when they'd caught me. She tells me I can stay in Jack's room. 

Jack is a mysterious character who has gone on a long journey to find his mother and sister. He is the rebellious teenager whom everyone adores and desires his affection. 

When I make into Jack's room, I find that his ceiling is slanted downwards, like a loft. At the furthest corner of the room is his bed and a small closet. He has a desk in the tall area with a lamp and some books. I think I would like this man, if he were here. There were two young men on the bed, arguing over who would get to sleep there. When I walked in, they groaned because they knew I would get the room. Queen Bee followed and affirmed that theory. 

I woke up, the end. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Sunday, February 10th, 2013

I actually  can't remember last night's which really bothers me. but the night before, I was watching sherlock (bbc version) and i was super dooper stoned so the torture device carried over into my dreams. 

Sean and my mom and I and the neighbours were all homeless and in the streets of an arabic country with cobblestones and sand everywhere. We were trying to make a living by stealing things, including roses, dolls, watches, anything we could get our hands on. I saw a man walking away from the square where our sales tent was situated, and he had roses behind his back. I walked up behind him, very lightfooted, and cut his roses, then brought them back to the tent to sell. my mother thought we could only get $1.75 for all of them, but i told her we could get a dollar a piece.

then sean was caught stealing something, so he was taken into custody. They chained him up to the wall on a giant wheel and began to spin it. the scene zoomed out and there was the Asian torture device which is like a giant crossbow and they put the dart into the shaft, which looks like it could take down an elephant. one hit is lethal. In sherlock, they would slash open a sandbag and a weeight would come down to rest on the trigger device, and the chained up persons would have to escape before the ball touched the trigger. but in my dream, there was a sadistic woman dropping hairpins on the trigger. the hairpins were so tiny that there was a large probability they would miss but what if they didn't? and she just kept dropping them.

then i was in a chair and there was a man playing russian roulette with me. fortunately he kept misfiring. then i zoomed back to the sales tent where my mother and the neighbours were struggling to sell everything to earn enough money.

then some camels walked by and i woke up

the end.

[mynightmarejournal]

Monday, February 4th, 2013

Sooooo many dreams. 

At least four, possibly five. 

All of them were nightmares last night. Terrible terrible nightmares. 

At one point I thought I had screamed out loud, but it was just in my dream, thank god. it was loud. it hurt. but everything around me hurt worse. so i had to stop it. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Sunday, February 3rd, 2013

I was working at a slushie machine in the library at the school that we all went to. I suppose it must have been Prin college. Natalia was there and Hayley and Deanna. I was wearing my khaki cargo pants and working behind the counter, listening to them talking about their day. Deanna was really sweaty and tired from volleyball, which Hayley apparently was also in. So Deanna was complaining about how tired she was and Hayley was negating it as per usual, you know, doing their thing. 

Then I broke my foot so I got fired. I went to work down at the grocery store at the bottom of the hill. That was when I realized there was going to be a fair on the hill at 3:00. I asked if I could go and they said yes, as long as I finished up the tasks I needed to do. I worked with the lettuce and got it all put away. Clay was there, so I prepared to ditch him to go see Galen. I had sparkly nail polish in my pocket and a pant leg cast in my boot cast around my right ankle. I was wearing a brown hoodie, unusual, but I wanted it. It felt like home. 

Clay said he was going to the bathroom, so I took my chance and ran out of the store and up the hill, but when I stopped cause my foot hurt, Clay had opened the door and was behind me. I caught a glimpse of Galen, but I never really got to see him. 

[mynightmarejournal]

I remember now where I'd seen the little blond girl before, she was in my dream about the ghost world, where Leya and I were dogs and we burned their world. She was in that dream and then later she's been in my dream with the brunette girl on the hill. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Today I took a nap, but as I was falling asleep, I was almost immediately awoken by people calling my name repeatedly, but whoever it was, didn't exist in real life. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Monday, January 28, 2013

Four consecutive dreams. 

The first two were very similar. Both times I was reaching out to Clay in my sleep, in my bed, but he was just a figment of my imagination and I was falling and falling. When I woke up, he was actually behind me, and I wasn't facing the direction I thought I had been. It was very disorienting. 

Next I think it was a dream about Clay and I living in our own world, and it was really very short. 

The fourth was with Tim and Galen. We were in this giant industrial kitchen/display counter area for food. We were walking up and down the isles and they were talking about stealing, I told them I didn't want them to because I didn't want to get caught. An older man in a white chef's suit came out from the back room and asked if we needed any help with anything. We said no, we're just looking. He mentioned he'd be in the back room preparing more food for display. We said alright, and he left. 

Galen and Tim tried this batch of granola which was really just a bowl of assorted nuts. Some of the nuts were really really colorful, and some were real. There was a really big nut that looked kinda like a fig, and there were some smaller nuts that seemed to be infused with crystals of chocolate, strawberry, lemon, but it was part of the nut. They both had a handful, then decided they wanted to go back to the back room and steal a gallon sized bag of the nuts to take home with us. 

I kept begging them not to, for fear that the man in the white chef's suit would catch us, but they told me they'd done it loads of times and not to worry. I let them go, obviously worried. 

When they walked into the back room, the white man was waiting for them at the doorway. He smirked, whipped out his pistol, and shot both of them with one bullet. Then he winked at me, smiled at their dead bodies, and closed the door to the back room. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The girls were in my head again. I don't know what they're there for, but there's a short curly brunette, and a curly blond. They are both maybe three or four, and they like to laugh and hold each other's hands, wearing their patchwork little sundresses, standing on a grassy knoll with a slight breeze running around them. They laugh and smile, but there's something maniacal about their smile, and I can't quite put my finger on what it is.

[mynightmarejournal]

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I was stung by bees. Chased and stung by bees. They wouldn't let up.

[mynightmarejournal]

Sunday, January 20th, 2013

Last night, my mother put the dog up on the counter by the stove. See, on the far wall we have it set up so that there's counter, stovetop, counter. My dog immediately walked over towards the stove top, which was on and hot. She stood on the stove for a few minutes until she fell forward onto her knees. 

I ran forward and scooped her up into my arms, crying with shook. She didn't even make a sound, but when I looked down at her, she was looking up at me with puppydog eyes. She was crying too, just silently. And shaking. Her elbows were open sores, as was her chin. I pulled up one of her legs so I could see the bottom of her paws, and all the pads were gone. Just gaping holes where they had been that looked up into her legs. I cried and collapsed on the floor, wondering how long it would take before she was ok again. 

[mynightmarejournal]

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

Last night I got raped in my dream. It happened in a warehouse filled with children's toys, and I did it to save Clay's life.

He didn't know what I did, and I never told him, I just lived with the unhappiness in my chest for years after that. I don't think he would've been able to do anything about it.

The man was so big and despicable... I hated him. But I loved Clay more.