My Nutty Life in a Nutty Shell

I work in an office during the day and a small retail store in the evenings and on the weekends. The results: I meet and deal with ALL kinds of people and situations!

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EVERY customers reaction when I tell them our credit card machine does not have a chip reader.

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When a coworker asks you to cover their Friday night shift.

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After unlocking the doors on a holiday weekend.

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When a customers credit/debit card is declined and they insist they have PLENTY of money in their account.

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When a customer ask you a questions but as soon as you start answering they start talking over you.

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When you ask if you can go home early and your managers asks why?

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When it’s time to leave for work.

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When a customer pull out their check book!

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When you see the next shift arriving and know it’s almost time to leave.

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Me: Your total is $12.72.

Customer: I thought it was $12.

Me: Tax.

Customer: *angerly* Never mind, I don't want it.

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When a customer gets mad that I told them to put their trash in the trash can and not on the counter.

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When you go to get your lunch out of the fridge at work but someone ate it!!

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business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

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What it’s like to work retail! 

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When the registers go down on a Saturday and you have to call in every credit card sale.  

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When a customer ask you a question you don’t know the answer to. 

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When you email someone with 5 questions but when they reply they only answer 1 of them.