I logged in to this tumblr today-
-to tell everyone that this shit was sick. Honestly. I was sick.
Tumblr has helped me through a lot of hard stuff when I was younger and dealing with depression, self harm and suicide. I felt understood. I knew that I wasn’t alone in this battle. But now that I’m older and out of my depression/self harming/suicide thoughts I can truly see that tumblr was making everything worse, despite doing some good. In fact: tumblr made everything worse. I surrounded myself on a platform that gave me a way to express my thoughts, but being in that same environment also caused me to spiral down even further.
You feel worthless, so you reblog pictures of quotes that say you are. You feel ugly, so you reblog posts about that. You do all these things, thinking that you’re getting it all out, but you’re not. You’re just on a blog with no one who knows you, no one who truly cares about you, and endless reblogging thoughts in your head, isn’t getting help.
You are not going to feel better. You are not talking about the things that are truly making you feel this way. You just reblog everything that confirms your way of thinking.
And I’m not saying this to critise anyone on here, because I’ve been a part of this. I’m posting this as a letter to myself, but also as a warning to everyone who wants to get help and thinks tumblr is the best way to get it. If you’ve ever looked for a sign that says everything will get better, than this is it. You go to the doctor and you tell him/her about your problems. You get professional help. I was scared all my life because I thought they would lock me up or worse, so I didn’t get any help until I was 24. But I promise you, once you go there, once you take that first step: life gets so much better.
It will still be hard. Recovery can take years. It’s a slow, slow process. But it’s gonna be worth it. You deserve to follow your dreams, to have that amazing life everyone else seems to have.
I’m not going to delete my blog. I still struggle with several anxiety disorders and a panic disorder, and this blog has been a huge part of my life. I look back to it as something that I’ve overcome, because the road to recovery is still so long, but damn, look at all the things I’ve accomplished since this blog started all those years ago.
I truly wish the same for you <3
