Hello world.

I’m an ADULT GOD DAMMIT I CAN BUY MY OWN SWEDISH FISH (aka 20+ years old)

[callisteios]

please join me for a session of gentle weeping in celebration of the beauty of our shared world

[notecardpasta]

I think when you correctly identify a trauma that is the base of a woe of yours it should just disappear. It should be like "aaahh. you got me" and vanish and leave 100 dollars behind

[t4timekeeper]

ACCIDENTALLY LEFT MY MACERATED APPLE SYRUP ON THE STOVE AND IT CARAMELIZED I GUESS?

[t4timekeeper]

it was super thick and dark and golden and bubbly so i took it off the heat. happy accident.

[t4timekeeper]

tastes delicious so good. idk what to do with it though

[t4timekeeper]

thank you for your recommendation! with brief consideration, it has been disregarded.

[ordinarysparkplug]

telling a vampire "youre not allowed in my house anymore" and they get blasted out through the nearest wall

[stupidrehab]

that’s just my nightstand knife don’t worry

[qqchurch]

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[sailermoon]

all my life I’ve felt like this guy

[bunneis]

[robbierobertson]

[artsymeeshee]

That checks out

[tacobellfries]

I MISS THE HEADPHONE JACK FUCK YOU!!!!!!

[cutecipher]

how it feels to be stressed out almost 100% of the time

[bob-artist]

Crimetober 1-9

Because birds are criminals.

[bob-artist]

Crimetober 10-21

When will they be held accountable

[bob-artist]

Crimetober 22-31

Justice will never be served.

[anxeious]

one thing about me is i’m gonna go lay down

[animentality]

[fozmeadows]

Watching my toddler figure out how to language is fascinating. Yesterday we were stumped when he kept insisting there was a “Lego winner” behind his bookshelf - it turned out to be a little Lego trophy cup. Not knowing the word for “trophy”, he’d extrapolated a word for “thing you can win”. And then, just now, he held up his empty milk container and said, “Mummy? It’s not rubbish. It’s allowed to be a bottle.” - meaning, effectively, “I want this. Don’t throw it away.” But to an adult ear, there’s something quite lovely about “it’s allowed to be a bottle,” as if we’re acknowledging that the object is entitled to keep its title even in the absence of the original function.

[legit-writing-tips]

Another good post to read for those writing small human characters. 

[jennytrout]

My son was about three when he came to me in the middle of the day and said, “Mommy, there’s a knight behind the bush.” I thought he meant a toy knight or something. So I follow him outside and he goes, “Listen. Do you hear it? It’s night behind the bush.” It was a cricket. A cricket was standing in the little patch of shade under the bush, chirping. So, my son saw this dark area with accompanying nighttime sounds and decided, okay, well, that is a night right there. Their brains are incredible.

[deleted20211121]

My little bean knows she’s two, constantly saying proudly ‘I’m two!’ And the other day she saw this very frail old lady who looked one foot in the grave, pulled a face and said ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’ I almost screamed.

[cantnotknope]

I live in Korea and have a lot of international friends, and the same is true with language barriers in adults. 

*Looking at a bowl of pears* “Can you please pass me the… apple’s friend?” 

[masterofbirds]

OH SHIT SHE’S THREE

[ovenroastedtwerkey]

the two year old bean is now 11, that’s how long this post has been going around, and I STILL bust out laughing like a maniac whenever I read ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’

[elodieunderglass]

Yeah, I’m not ready for foz’s kid to be a teen….

[fozmeadows]

@elodieunderglass I’m going to hold your hand when I say this -

[marzipanandminutiae]

when I was very small, I used to get scared by the car going fast on the highway and shout, “don’t run, don’t run!” at my parents