My Second Puberty

For someone with dysphoria, transitioning from one sex to another sounds AMAZING on paper, but it's not just the pretty stuff! I'm literally going though puberty again, as an adult and I want to share the changes they my body is going through, for anyone who is interested in learning what transitioning does for a human body ☺️ note that since I will be talking about my body, this may (and probably will) include discussion of breasts, sex organs, and sexual changes. I plan on being as honest as possible, even when discussing embarrassing body parts! Reader beware. This is a positivity only blog, no negative opinions welcome!

[mysecondpuberty]

My top surgery consult didn't go well...

TW: discussion of eating disorders.

I was all excited, remember, my doctor told me 6 months on hormones was the milestone we were waiting for for top surgery, and at the time of my consultation I was 8 months in. I met with a kind nurse who took my height and weight, and had me wait for the surgeon to come check me out. I was told to put on a backwards hospital gown with no top/bra underneath, and the girls out for judgement day. He took some measurements and told me that I had a good amount of breast tissue (I got decently big boobies 😏) and that lefty was a little bit bigger than righty (which I had already noticed) and is totally normal. He also asked how big I'd like to go, how long I had been on hormones and stuff like that.

Am I approved for top surgery?

No. No I'm not.

The surgeon told me that I'd need at LEAST a full year of HRT for insurance to consider covering the surgery, and that HRT is not a requirement for the surgery, but is if I'm looking for insurance coverage. He also told me that I'd need to stop smoking weed for at least 8 weeks, because it can hinder the healing process, which, fine- fair enough I guess. The devastating part? He told me that my BMI was EXTREMELY high and put me squarely in the obese category 💀 and that I'd need to lose a significant amount of weight to move forward. For the record, I'm very tall (this lil guy was maybe 5 feet tall 😒) so my BMI is always going to be on the higher end. I got a lot of mass. I'm a big girl. He tried to reassure me by telling me if I focused on losing weight and staying clean for 8 weeks, that would put me a lot closer to the one year milestone, and that if I hit those three targets, he'd be happy to move forward with surgery, and gave me his card.

I can't lie, as someone who has struggled with eating disorders in the past (still do, if I'm honest), being called obese to my face was heart breaking. I left in tears, feeling obese as hell, thanked him for his time, cried in my car for awhile, and drove to a Barnes and Noble/ Starbucks to cheer myself up where I saw 3 different magazine covers about weight loss, celebrity diets, how to get bikini body ready, etc. I cried some more because the universe seemed to be sending me a message. A nonfat machiatto it would be.

So now, I'm starving all the time in an attempt to lose weight by my one year mark and struggling with an eating disorder again, BUT WHEN I HAVE BIG FAKE BOOBS AND A FLAT STOMACH IT'S OVER FOR YOU BITCHES. 😭

[mysecondpuberty]

I'VE BEEN ON HORMONES FOR 6 MONTHS. Hell yeah. 😎

My doctor says that at that milestone, we can look into TOP SURGERY!!! Like... boobs 😍 She already sent me a list of local surgeons that offer breast augmentation to trans women, and told me to look into each of them, at reviews and stuff, to make a choice and set up a consultation. She also gave me a short outline of what to expect- I choose a surgeon and set up a consultation, my doctor writes a letter to the insurance company stating that this is NOT an elective cosmetic procedure, that it is necessary, and when we get confirmation that insurance will cover it, WE CAN FORWARD WITH TOP SURGERY OMG.

I do have a surgeon in mind, only one on the list my doctor gave me specializes in both breast augmentation and facial feminization surgery, so I figure that if I ever do get FFS, it might behoove me to go to the same surgeon for both procedures. He did have good reviews, and maybe he'll have a better idea of what my face should look like, idk, it seemed to make sense. Unfortunately I haven't contacted the surgeon yet because I got sick like 2 WEEKS AGO and I'm still fighting a sore throat. I'm honestly so over it because I keep feeling basically better, but not at 100%, and no surgeon will move forward with anything if I'm fighting off illness, so that's on hold until I feel 💯. But I am so excited!

Will insurance cover it?

Honestly I'm not 1,000% sure, but my doctor did say that it should be, it's not considered to be an elective procedure and is generally covered, which is dope if it is! But we'll have to see when the time comes. I have health insurance through my job, and it's not the best so I'm kind of skeptical 🤔 but I'm really hoping so, and you KNOW I'm gonna have a post about it when I have more information!

Tl;Dr - Happy 6 months of HRT to me! That means I can contact surgeons for top surgery, but I might still be sick, so I'm waiting to feel better. Should insurance cover it? They should! Let's hope. 🤞

[mysecondpuberty]

Part 2 of the 👀 twig and berries discussion continues here.

Content Warning: like the last post, this post discusses my sex organs and my sex life. If you know me in real life or aren't interested in this topic, consider skipping this post.

So last time we discussed the size changes that came with the testicular atrophy, but that's only one side effect of removing testosterone from the equation. Along with shrinkage comes a decrease in libido. That means a lowered sex drive.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still a very sexual person. I love having sex! But unfortunately for my boyfriend, there was a noticeable gap in sexual encounters, where I was just sort of... fine without it, for much longer than we'd normally go without being intimate. I can imagine that this would be a deal breaker for some relationships, especially with a lack of communication, but I think that it's definitely something that can be worked through. My boyfriend and i had a frank discussion about intimacy, and wanting to keep that sexual spark alive and we've definitely amped things up again. In fact, at the time of writing this post, Valentine's Day has just passed and the bf and I went to a 4 star hotel for a romantic getaway, complete with an in room Jacuzzi, rose petals sprinkled strategically around the tub and bed, and dozens of candles lit to set the ambiance, and let me tell you, even with the noticeable decreased libido, we got busy and stayed busy. 😏😉

If you're in a relationship and aren't having as much sex as you want to be, try communicating with your partner(s) so you can make intimacy a priority.

Now, that being said, the lack of testosterone doesn't just lower libido, but another consequence of the testicular atrophy I described earlier is a change in the actual orgasms I'm having. Yup, we're going there, this is the sex post, so this is where I'm discussing sex.

Since the atrophy is caused by my testosterone producing organs no longer doing their thang, they stop doing the other thang too. Producing sperm and semen, that is. (This is so embarrassing talk about, and I'm the only one making me do this.)

Since the testes aren't producing the... stuff, my orgasms aren't producing the... stuff. I can't lie, this one kind of bums me out, I feel like sex/orgasms are kind of anticlimactic without the fanfare that I'm used to. The climax is still there but it's... dry. Like a cartoon pistol that shoots out a piece of paper saying BAM! Instead of the bullet we were all expecting.

Part 2 ends where part 1 ends, this is all part of a journey that will be worth it in the long run. Maybe my next post can be about something other than shrinking penis or shooting blanks, this is some intimate shit!

[mysecondpuberty]

*NSFW*

Content Warning: I'm gonna talk about my... bits n' pieces in this post. If you know me in real life... consider skipping this post 😬 if you are interested in learning more about what hormone therapy can and will do to the nether region, read on.

This one might be a little embarrassing, you have been warned.

So I had an EX who, when discussing the possibility of me going on HRT in the future, discouraged me from doing so because they said that hormone therapy would make everything... smaller... down there. And I was not small down there. They really weren't trying to lose out on the ol' 🍆 if you know what I mean 😏 Honestly I wasn't sure I believed them, but still I didn't start HRT for several years later and it wasn't a huge (hehe) 👀 concern of mine when I did start the process. While reading up on the medications I was prescribed, I found out that my EX wasn't incorrect.

Testicular Atrophy is a side effect of the testosterone blocking spironolactone that I'm taking. Since my sex organs are no longer producing testosterone, they start to shrink like a muscle that's not being used. A lack of testosterone combined with the femininizing estradiol means that the uh... bolt shrinks along with the nuts. 🔩 (omg, what are these euphemisms).

So one day I was scrolling through some old, old pictures on my phone that I hadn't looked at in forever, and a few nude pictures of me were somehow still in the back of the camera roll. It's harder to notice changes when you see yourself all day, every day, but when faced with a clear image of what the lil' bits used to look like, (NOT lil') it was easy to see just how much things have changed. Your girl when from a banana to a plantain. 🍌

My current boyfriend is incredibly supportive of my transition, and although he has noticed the change, he's noticed the cuter changes as well. He is still down to clown, and he says he finds me beautiful, I just have to take his word for it. Do I miss the big boy? Idk, maybe a little of part of me does, but it's all part of the journey. If everything goes to plan, it'll all be worth it in the end. But dang, did that old nude make me look like a stud. 💀

Yes, I know this is all TMI, and I'm not even done yet!

Part 2 of the 👀 bits and pieces post coming shortly, size isn't the only change a-happen.

(JFC I'm really talking about my ween on Tumblr. 💀)

[mysecondpuberty]

My boobs hurt. A lot.

Believe it or not, this is a good thing. They're growing pains! My boobs are definitely getting bigger. I've had the feminine milestone of having to tell my boyfriend not to stare at my boobs while I'm talking to him! In fact, the other night I put on an old pajama crop top that I'd gotten long ago, back when I was both skinnier and had much less hrt boob. When I walked into the bathroom and saw my reflection I was shocked at how much my boobs... looked like titties! At just 6 months of hormone therapy! I even took a picture for posterity and immediately sent it to my sister. Is it weird to send your sister boob pics? Maybe. Am I tempted to post that same picture in this blog post? Also maybe. But I won't... yet. I'll save it for onlyfans! Or has everybody switched to justforfans already? Also, also maybe.

For the pain, I recommend heat wraps or heating pads and ibuprofen. You know what also helps with the pain? Knowing that your boobs are getting bigger! 😊

[mysecondpuberty]

Does insurance cover electrolysis, and how long do I have do keep having it done?

Although my doctor told me that some insurances are changing their polices and to check with my insurance company directly, permanent hair removal is usually considered an elective cosmetic procedure... at least where the face is concerned. Having permanent hair removal like electrolysis before having 'bottom surgery' or vaginoplasty is necessary, and is generally covered by insurance.

In the sake of transparency, my sessions cost $100 per hour, and they generally recommend one hour session, once a week. I'm only having my face done right now, so I'm paying for that out of pocket. 😔 So if you're at all interested, feel free to ask for my cashapp, I am not asking for donations, but I am accepting them 😋

My technician also told me that depending on hair density, it could take up to a year or two to achieve desired results, and while many trans women regret that they didn't start having it done sooner, the first step to being beard-free is making your first appointment.

The same goes for trans women who plan to get bottom surgery, it is recommended to have permanent laser hair removal done on the pubic area for up to two years before surgery, as hair growing inside a vagina is a much bigger problem than just having a fresh wax, and much harder to treat.

Also, here is a friendly but firm reminder that trans women do not owe hairlessness to anybody, and trans women are completely valid if they can't afford permanent hair removal or just choose not to have it done. Women can grow facial hair, women can shave, wax or tweeze their facial hair, and women can have stubble. It is all normal and this does not make hairy women lesser in any way.

This is the same friendly but firm reminder that trans women also do not owe vaginas to anybody. Trans women that cannot or choose to not have bottom surgery are still women and are still valid. You should not ask trans people about their genitals the same way you shouldn't ask ANYBODY that don't know intimately about their genitals. That's weird, rude, predatory and none of your business. 😊

[mysecondpuberty]

What does electrolysis feel like?

Have you ever gotten a tattoo? It's kind of like that, but not as steady of a pace, and much slower.

My first full session was for an hour long treatment. I wish that I had brought headphones to be able to play some music or a podcast, the office had no music or ambient noise, and my technician although extremely professional, was not particularly conversational.

As for the actual procedure, you know how when a hair stylist shampoos you, and you're never sure whether you should keep your eyes open and stare at the ceiling or at your stylist or if you should just keep your eyes closed? It was that kind of vibe. I kept my eyes closed for the majority of the session, making occasional small talk with the technician while the machine beepbeepbeeped, follicles were zapzapzapped, and the hairs were pluckpluckplucked. Did it hurt? Sure, a bit, but beauty is pain and I have a pretty decent pain tolerance.

The technician did let me know that some patients prefer to use a numbing gel, like lidocaine before a session to help with pain, and that some people find it particularly painful and hard to sit still. I'm very comfortable being tattooed, and sat like a champ! My technician agreed. 😊

She provided a refrigerated aloe gel to help with aftercare, and reminded me not to shave, shower or apply makeup to the affected area for at least 24 hours, and we scheduled our next appointment.

The aftermath:

It looks like razor bumps, kind of red and raw looking, tender to the touch. It looked better the next day, and even better the day after that.

[mysecondpuberty]

About permanent hair removal:

My doctor sent me a couple recommendations for places that do permanent hair removal.

I expected that I would be getting laser hair removal, but the technician at the place that I chose explained the difference!

The way I understood it, laser hair removal is actually marketed as "permanent reduction," not permanent removal. The FDA says that it can be called "permanent" if it should last for at least a year after your last treatment, not that it will, and reduction does not necessarily mean that there will be permanent removal.

I was recommended electrolysis instead.

[princessmika42069]

The medications: after being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, my doctor agreed that Hormone Replacement Therapy seemed like a good fit, and I took the first steps to transition!

I was prescribed:

Spironolactone- 100mg tablets, 2 taken orally, daily. This is to inhibit the production of testosterone and help remove testosterone that's already built up in your system.

Estradiol- .25 ml, injected subcutaneously, weekly. This is estrogen, to help the production of estrogen in my system and kickstart the feminization process 😍 although it is offered in pill form, I have anecdotal evidence from other trans women that they saw significantly faster results in the growth of breast tissue with injections than with the pills. It is important to note that with the WEEKLY injection, you will experience a spike in hormones after injecting, and then a drop in hormone production over the course of the week. This pattern of peaks and valleys is what many trans women describe as giving them their 'period,' with increased emotional response and mood swings.

Syringes- prescribed to inject the estradiol, I recieve one syringe per per week, with 2 separate needle heads. A thicker, longer needle to draw up the estradiol from the vial into the syringe, and a second, smaller and thinner needle to inject the medication into your body. I elected to do my injections subcutaneously, which means beneath the skin- so I do my injections into my tummy, pinching areas of fat and injecting the medication at a 45 degree angle. It's important to rotate your injection site, so that you aren't constantly injecting into the same extact area.

I was also provided with alcohol pads to clean the injection site before using the medication, gauze to stop the bleeding after injecting, a sharps container for disposing of used syringes, and I personally use Disney princess bandaids over the injection site, because they are cute ☺️

[mysecondpuberty]

Along with Hormone Replacement Therapy, other optional treatments for transgender women include the following!

Laser hair removal- mostly self explanatory, laser hair removal is a more permanent removal of facial or body hair, so you don't have to go on shaving your beard constantly 🙄

Facial Feminization Surgery- cosmetic surgery on the face and neck, to help feminize masculine features. It often includes shaving down the jawbone and chin, and shaving down of the Adams apple.

Top surgery- breast augmentation, with implants

Bottom surgery- vaginoplasty, turning the penis into a vagina surgically

Note that these procedures are optional, not all trans women will be able to, or even want to go through any of those procedures! Some trans women don't even decide to use hormone therapy. This does NOT make them any less of a woman. Boobs and vagina do not make a woman, feeling like a woman makes a woman! If you disagree, kindly keep it to yourself, this blog is not the place for such debates.

[mysecondpuberty]

Content Warning: this post mentions male sex organs and reproductive material! If you are uncomfortable reading about this subject, I suggest skipping this post! Some NSFW content, for educational purposes.

Side effects of hormone therapy can include: decreased libido and testicular atrophy. In layman's terms, since the body is no longer producing testosterone, the testes (whose main function is production of testosterone and reproductive material) aren't putting in the work they're used to. They will start to atrophy, decreasing in size. I mainly noticed this when after getting... Intimate... With my partner. Normally an adult male's semen is thicker, whiter, and has a high sperm cell count. TMI: My own ejaculate now seems much thinner and clearer, a lot like when I was a young teenager before I was producing sperm like an adult. A little gross, a little embarrassing, but kind of interesting! Sorry this post might seem like a weird thing to share, but I want to be as honest as possible with the changes I'm noticing! This specific realization felt like... Reverse puberty 😅 Sorry you had to read this, especially if you know me personally!

[mysecondpuberty]

I had to buy a bra much sooner than I expected!

I thought I started to notice some growth in breast tissue after only a month of treatment, but thought it might just be wishful thinking on my part. I was going to wait to go bra shopping until I had boobs to fill them out, but I had to get one much sooner! After working a few long shifts at my job, I noticed that my nipples were getting crazy sensitive! Even with 3 layers on, the slightest breeze would cause my nipples to be standing at attention, and very uncomfortable! I would literally be walking around, cupping my chest trying to calm the girls down. It was time to go bra shopping! For my first one, I wanted something comfortable and easy to wear, I got a simple, black, cotton t-shirt style bralette, to provide minimal support but to cover my nips and keep shirt fabrics from rubbing them uncomfortably. A small change, but made work much more bearable!

[mysecondpuberty]

What changes to look for first?

Results from the hormone therapy will take awhile to build up in your system and take effect, it can take up to 2 years after starting therapy to see maximum results, but you will start to notice changes much sooner than that!

My doctor told me within the first 3 months to look out for:

Less sweat production 💦

Less body odor

Slower facial hair growth

Softer skin

[princessmika42069]

The medications: after being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, my doctor agreed that Hormone Replacement Therapy seemed like a good fit, and I took the first steps to transition!

I was prescribed:

Spironolactone- 100mg tablets, 2 taken orally, daily. This is to inhibit the production of testosterone and help remove testosterone that's already built up in your system.

Estradiol- .25 ml, injected subcutaneously, weekly. This is estrogen, to help the production of estrogen in my system and kickstart the feminization process 😍 although it is offered in pill form, I have anecdotal evidence from other trans women that they saw significantly faster results in the growth of breast tissue with injections than with the pills. It is important to note that with the WEEKLY injection, you will experience a spike in hormones after injecting, and then a drop in hormone production over the course of the week. This pattern of peaks and valleys is what many trans women describe as giving them their 'period,' with increased emotional response and mood swings.

Syringes- prescribed to inject the estradiol, I recieve one syringe per per week, with 2 separate needle heads. A thicker, longer needle to draw up the estradiol from the vial into the syringe, and a second, smaller and thinner needle to inject the medication into your body. I elected to do my injections subcutaneously, which means beneath the skin- so I do my injections into my tummy, pinching areas of fat and injecting the medication at a 45 degree angle. It's important to rotate your injection site, so that you aren't constantly injecting into the same extact area.

I was also provided with alcohol pads to clean the injection site before using the medication, gauze to stop the bleeding after injecting, and I personally use Disney princess bandaids over the injection site, because they are cute ☺️