How many times has a drunk Kawi kissed Piseang in the past decade of their lives? How many times has he accepted the gift on the anniversary of the confession after another drunk kiss that gives him an out, another chance to not act and another chance to hurt Piseang with the spark of hope he can't get past. How many times has Max witnessed Piseang's heart break again and again to the point that he doesn't know what else to do? How many times has Kawi gotten drunk just to kiss Piseang only to deny it all the morning after before drowning himself in more alcohol to make that part of his world keep turning?
(How many times has Max comforted Piseang, been a rock for him, been the one person who understands him and understands Kawi and how many times has he tried to apologize for Kawi only to know he can't?)
He was already the tiredest gay in their university, imagine how tired he is in his thirties? This poor man. He needs coffee and a boyfriend, stat.
Seriously. Max deserves the entire world for still being beside Kawi during all of this and still fully supporting him and his choices and trying to help him be the best he can be. He is the truest, best friend anyone could ask for and he deserves to be tired.
Ok so Iâve seen the RamKing cut of My Engineer, but I decided to start the full series today, and damn I feel like I missed out on a lot. In the first two episodes, Ram was ready to beat tf outta Bohn to protect Duen, and Iâm living for it! We donât get that side of Ram in the edited down version with just him and King.
Also Iâm in love with Mek and BossâŠ. Mostly Mek. I just want him to be happy. Why do I always fall for the side ships
WAIT RAM AND BOHN ACTUALLY FIGHT?! Ok I fucking love this. Ram is such a good Protective Bestie!! Iâm so glad I decided to watch the full show just for this. Also for like two seconds I was offended that King didnât care that Bohn was fighting Ram, then he said that Ram was basically a professional boxer, so now it makes sense why heâs not even worried about his bf getting hurt lol.
Another update on my full My Engineer watch through that no one asked for. When I watched just the RamKing edit the first time, I thought King fell first. I always find it interesting, the âone person fell first but the other person fell harder.â Pretty much is always true in BLs and I love it. The first time watching, I thought it was an anomaly. That King fell first and also fell hardest (thought the second one might change if s2 happened, but it didnât.) But now rewatching the greenhouse scene in ep 10, Ram definitely fell first. Itâs in his eyes. And itâs such perfection. Damn. I love them. Ram fell first, King fell harder. I adore them.Â
Could do without the main couple tbh. They spent so much time obsessing over âyouâre the wife, Iâm the husband!â bullshit. Like? There is no wife. Thatâs the entire point. Iâm glad more recent BLs are getting away from that trope, and some like Bad Buddy, even actively making fun of it. Lbr, itâs not a great look. Iâll allow the wife/hubby dynamic for MekBoss only because it was an inside joke that exists outside of them being a couple. Itâs not a toxic thing for them. It is 100% a toxic thing for BohnDuen. Also I could go ON about when Bohn was so worried what happened when he was drunk and couldnât remember Duen taking him home, and genuinely believed Duen had assaulted him, and was reluctantly fine with it and said if it had happened he would just accept it as long as they could be together? I canât. I thought they were cute at the beginning, but tbh Iâm very much over them. Hard pass. Iâll take the side ships, though.
I genuinely thought MekBoss was gonna be an Unrequited Love trope and I was fully prepared for it, BUT ITâS NOT?! IDK HOW TO HANDLE THIS NOW! AAAAHHHHHHHÂ
Ok so Iâve seen the RamKing cut of My Engineer, but I decided to start the full series today, and damn I feel like I missed out on a lot. In the first two episodes, Ram was ready to beat tf outta Bohn to protect Duen, and Iâm living for it! We donât get that side of Ram in the edited down version with just him and King.
Also Iâm in love with Mek and BossâŠ. Mostly Mek. I just want him to be happy. Why do I always fall for the side ships
WAIT RAM AND BOHN ACTUALLY FIGHT?! Ok I fucking love this. Ram is such a good Protective Bestie!! Iâm so glad I decided to watch the full show just for this. Also for like two seconds I was offended that King didnât care that Bohn was fighting Ram, then he said that Ram was basically a professional boxer, so now it makes sense why heâs not even worried about his bf getting hurt lol.
Another update on my full My Engineer watch through that no one asked for. When I watched just the RamKing edit the first time, I thought King fell first. I always find it interesting, the âone person fell first but the other person fell harder.â Pretty much is always true in BLs and I love it. The first time watching, I thought it was an anomaly. That King fell first and also fell hardest (thought the second one might change if s2 happened, but it didnât.) But now rewatching the greenhouse scene in ep 10, Ram definitely fell first. Itâs in his eyes. And itâs such perfection. Damn. I love them. Ram fell first, King fell harder. I adore them.Â
Could do without the main couple tbh. They spent so much time obsessing over âyouâre the wife, Iâm the husband!â bullshit. Like? There is no wife. Thatâs the entire point. Iâm glad more recent BLs are getting away from that trope, and some like Bad Buddy, even actively making fun of it. Lbr, itâs not a great look. Iâll allow the wife/hubby dynamic for MekBoss only because it was an inside joke that exists outside of them being a couple. Itâs not a toxic thing for them. It is 100% a toxic thing for BohnDuen. Also I could go ON about when Bohn was so worried what happened when he was drunk and couldnât remember Duen taking him home, and genuinely believed Duen had assaulted him, and was reluctantly fine with it and said if it had happened he would just accept it as long as they could be together? I canât. I thought they were cute at the beginning, but tbh Iâm very much over them. Hard pass. Iâll take the side ships, though.
Ok so Iâve seen the RamKing cut of My Engineer, but I decided to start the full series today, and damn I feel like I missed out on a lot. In the first two episodes, Ram was ready to beat tf outta Bohn to protect Duen, and Iâm living for it! We donât get that side of Ram in the edited down version with just him and King.
Also Iâm in love with Mek and BossâŠ. Mostly Mek. I just want him to be happy. Why do I always fall for the side ships
WAIT RAM AND BOHN ACTUALLY FIGHT?! Ok I fucking love this. Ram is such a good Protective Bestie!! Iâm so glad I decided to watch the full show just for this. Also for like two seconds I was offended that King didnât care that Bohn was fighting Ram, then he said that Ram was basically a professional boxer, so now it makes sense why heâs not even worried about his bf getting hurt lol.
my engineer incorrect quotes to try and fill the ramking shaped hole in my heart
â- â-
King: Hey Ram, can you give me the opposite of these words?
King: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.
Ram: Never, Going, To, Give, You-
Ram: The fucking satisfaction.Â
(this happened. this was the scene near the start where king texts ram and waves to him and tries to talk to him and ram picks up his phone and leaves to go see his brother. king loves rickrolling and thats canon because i said so)Â
â- â-
Duen: I wouldnât put it in those words exactly.
Ram: Why not?
Duen: Because I donât know what they mean.Â
Duen: I drink to forget but I always remember.
Ting: Youâre drinking orange juice.Â
â- â-
King: Ow!
Ram: Whatâs wrong?
King: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow.
Ram: Itâs called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.
â- â-
Thara, after getting a library card: Now I know what true power feels like.Â
â- â-
Ram: If I die, you can have what little I own.
King: Wait. What do you mean âifâ you die?
Ram: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.
King:
King: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.Â
â- â-
Ram: Hey, you want a tarot reading?
Bohn: Those are Pokemon cards.
Ram: You got a magikarp.
Bohn: âŠ
Ram: It means âfuck youâ.Â
(this is essentially what happened for like. half the show. up until the end of the fight between bohn and ram)
â- â-
Ram, after watching King get shot by someone: Youâre dead. You are very dead. When you are a corpse I will hack away at your flesh and eat you raw.
King: Ram, Iâm not dead yet.
Ram: Let me have my moment of rage to avenge you.
King: Iâd prefer it if you didnât let me die.Â
â- â-
*Everyone is giving advice to Duen*
Ting: Itâs okay to ask for help.
Tang: Youâre not a burden.
Ram: Murder is okay.
Phu: Your feelings matter.Â
â- â-
King: Are you sure Ramâs even gay? He barely even looked at me.Â
â- â-
Duen: All snacks are gone.
Bohn: I AM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE?!Â
Mek: Have I ever told you that you cook well?
Boss: Awww, no, you havenât!
Mek: So why do you keep cooking?Â
â- â-
Ram: Youâre giving me a sticker?
King: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying âme-wow!â
Ram: Iâm not a preschooler.
King: Fine, Iâll take it back-
Ram: I earned this, back off!Â
â- â-
King: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?
Ram: For the dogs.
King: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?
Ram: They donât know how.Â
â- â-
this one is fairly short compared to my other incorrect quote compilations, but i promise, i will be back.Â
also im planning to post another eclipse incorrect quotes post in like five minutesÂ
Ok so Iâve seen the RamKing cut of My Engineer, but I decided to start the full series today, and damn I feel like I missed out on a lot. In the first two episodes, Ram was ready to beat tf outta Bohn to protect Duen, and Iâm living for it! We donât get that side of Ram in the edited down version with just him and King.
Also Iâm in love with Mek and Boss.... Mostly Mek. I just want him to be happy. Why do I always fall for the side ships
Max is just this tired queer man who has adopted a baby queer under his wing and is doing his best to be patient and understanding while also trying to live his life.
(Him slinging the 'are we already friends?' at Piseang the same way Kawi did but so differently, with a different meaning and a different reaction, you can see the friendships that were and are and how they came to be, the slow ones and the fast ones, the compassion that brings and brought them together.)
The amount I ship Piseang and Max is absurd. I love them. I love both of them, these compassionate men who have somehow found it in themselves to willingly be friends with Kawi despite him being himself at them all the time.
I love these compassionate characters who show they care and are open about caring and don't hesitate to call people they care about out on what they say and do. Neither Piseang nor Max apologizes for when they care or how they care, they simply care and continue to care.
Title: If Only for a Moment
Rating: G
Pairing(s): Pisaeng/Max, Kawi/Pear, Kawi/Pisaeng (pre-relationship)
Themes: Angst, no happy ending, unrequited love, Max taking care of the baby gays, Max is a good friend and deserves better tbh
Summary:Â In which Max develops an unfortunate crush that he knows can't go anywhere. But life's all about living in the moment, right?
Read on Ao3 here
âLet me be your gay Obi-Wan,â the words left Maxâs lips without much thought. The colored lights of the bar flashed around them, and he had to speak louder and closer than normal to be heard. He was teasing, just looking to get a laugh. It was successful. Pisaeng laughed and elbowed him lightly in the ribs.
âIf you canât teach me to wield a lightsaber, youâre fired as my gay Obi-Wan,â Pisaeng said. Max pressed his lips together, just watching the other until he understood the unintentional innuendo. Pisaeng looked back at him, bright smile still on his lips. âWhat?â Max only quirked an eyebrow, smile slowly curling into a smirk.
He saw the moment it clicked. Pisaengâs face turned bright red, his smile fell and he turned quickly away from Max. âDonâtâForget I said that,â Pisaeng said. Max could hear the barely repressed laughter in his voice as he spoke. âI swear, if you make that joke, Iâm walking out of here and never speaking to you again.â
âYou said it, not me,â Max pointed out. He laughed and wrapped an arm around Pisaengâs shoulders, tugging him along through the crowd. âCome on, I want to introduce you to Candy.â Candy was a drag queen that Max had met one of his first visits to the bar, and who had taken him under their wing. Candy would love Pisaeng, Max already knew that.
Max wasnât really thinking much past trying to help Pisaeng get more comfortable in his own skin. Wasnât thinking about his own thoughts or feelings. Not at first.
Then Pisaeng turned to look at him with a blinding, intoxicating smile, and Max knew heâd made a mistake.
The full weight of his mistake hit him a few days later, when Kawi waved him over to sit with them for lunch. He smiled, nodding at Pear and Kawi before sitting in the open seat beside Pisaeng.
âFinally, someone whoâs on my side,â Pisaeng said, narrowing his eyes accusingly at Kawi. He wasnât angry, not really. His expression was amused and exaggerated for the purpose of some joke Max wasnât in on. He wasnât going to dwell too much on how much heâd been paying attention to Pisaengâs expressions that he could start to tell them apart.
It didnât matter anyway, because no matter how many smiles and laughs he aimed at Max, they were nothing compared to the way he saw Pisaeng look at Kawi.
âHeâs not on your side!â Kawi protested. âHeâs my best friend.â Max smiled. At least some things were still right with the world.
âI donât know whatâs going on, but heâs right,â Max jumped in, pointing at Kawi. He raised his eyebrows expectantly at Pisaeng. âYouâre very confident for someone whoâs side Iâm definitely not on,â he teased. Pear laughed behind her hand, but didnât comment, just watching the verbal sparring match.
âYouâve been stuck as the third wheel with these two as many times as I have, right?â Pisaeng asked, in a tone just as confident.
âI generally avoid third-wheeling,â Max said.
âThatâs what Iâm trying to do,â Pisaeng said.
âGreat, glad I could settle that,â Max said, not entirely sure what the disagreement had even been over. He opened his juice and took a drink.
âYou can settle it by going out with me tonight,â Pisaeng said. Max choked on his drink.
âSorry, what?â
âUs,â Pisaeng quickly amended. His face was turning as red as it had in the bar the other night. âGo out with us tonight.â Max stayed silent, eyes scanning around the table. Kawi was no longer smiling like he was in on the joke. He was staring at Pisaeng, a look of hurt and confusion painting his features, until he noticed Max watching him, then his eyes dropped to his plate.
âWhere?â Max asked, because it seemed like the easier way to get the most information that he was missing. He looked back towards Pisaengâs flushed cheeks and slight, hopeful smile.
This was a horrible idea.
âA club,â Pear answered. âI want to go dancing, but Kawi is nervousââ
âIâm not!â
ââSo he wanted Pisaeng to join us.â
âAnd I donât want to just be standing around by myself with no one to dance with,â Pisaeng finished. The soft smile, flushed cheeks and warm eyes were making quick work of what little resolve Max had remaining.
This was a monumentally horrible idea.
âSo will you go with us?â Pisaeng asked. He said âusâ that time, but Max could still hear the âmeâ unspoken. Maxâs eyes slid back across the table to Kawi. He was grumpily poking at his rice bowl.
âI donât know if thatâs a good idea,â he said carefully, turning back to Pisaeng. The smile fell, and that felt like a crime punishable by death. Max wondered who would be the one to arrest himâProbably Kawi.
âCome on,â Pisaeng tried again, this time reaching for Maxâs wrist, holding his hand gently between his own. The smile that returned was a sad, pleading one. Max knew he would give in before Pisaeng finished his plea. His voice was quiet when he continued, and Max wondered if Kawi and Pear were supposed to hear, but there was no way they wouldnât. âYouâre supposed to be my gay Obi-Wan, right? Doesnât that include teaching me how to be out and proud in a place thatâs not the local gay bar?â
Max huffed out a breath, exaggerating the thought he put into his answer, though he already knew it. âI guess it does,â he relented. Pisaengâs bright smile returned, and one would think everything was right with the world.
Except for the sharp pang in Maxâs chest. Except for the way Kawi didnât look up from his food. Except for Pearâs gentle nudges against Kawiâs shoulder trying to get his attention.
Except for the fact that Max knew the smiles Pisaeng offered him, while bright enough to light the Sun, werenât anywhere near the ones reserved for Kawi. He tried not to care. He wanted to be a good friend. But it was becoming harder and harder.
âââââ
Max leaned against the bathroom counter, staring at eyes that watched him back in the mirror. He could do this. He could absolutely do this.
Just because Pisaeng was getting over a crush on Maxâs best friend didnât mean he wasnât allowed to go out and dance with him. He was helping. Kawi was going out with Pear, and Max would be a bad friend if he stood Pisaeng up and let him just spend the evening having to watch Kawi and Pear together from the corner.
So why did he somehow feel like an even worse friend for agreeing to go out with him? Kawi had told Max himself that he didnât like Pisaeng. His eyes didnât say the same as his words, but that was Kawiâs problem, not Maxâs.
And just because Pisaeng still looked at Kawi like he hung the moon and stars didnât mean that Max standing him up would make that go away. Even if Pisaeng was just using him to get over Kawi, that was fine, right?
Max knew this wouldnât be anything. Not really. It couldnât be. Not with the way Pisaeng was still pining over Kawi. He was just being a good friend. Showing Pisaeng that falling for a(n alleged) straight friend was a bad idea, and that just because he lost out on his first crush, didnât mean he wasnât worthy of finding a new guy that would fall for him. Hell, it wouldnât be hard for Pisaeng to find any guy he wanted to fall for him.
Shaking his head, Max touched up the light eyeliner heâd put on and left.
The three were waiting outside the club when Max made it there. His eyes immediately found Pisaeng, and he was met with a bright, warm smile.
He shouldnât be there. He somehow knew it in his gut. It felt like a future had already been written, and he wasnât in it. But he was here, whether he was supposed to be or not.
Max put on a smile and joined them, his body moving instinctively without his input as they shuffled towards the door, showed their IDs and got drinks at the bar.
The first drink started to quiet the voice in his head. The second drowned it. The third allowed him to smile and laugh with Pisaeng after Kawi and Pear had left them in favor of the dance floor two drinks ago. When Pisaeng reached for his hand, Max squeezed it in his own, and let himself be pulled to the dance floor.
It was freeing, and amazing and beautiful. Or maybe that was the man in front of him. Pisaeng leaned forward to say something in his ear. He was pretty sure it was a commentary on the DJ, but he couldnât be sure. All Max could register was warm breath against his skin, and a hand burning his waist through the thin fabric of his shirt. Pisaeng started to pull away, and Maxâs hands found their way to his shoulders, keeping him close as they danced.
Fuck the future, fuck Kawiâs glass closet, and fuck the way Pisaeng looked at him the way he would never look at Max.
He was smiling at Max now, not looking around at Kawi or anyone else, and that was enough. It had to be enough.
Tomorrow was tomorrowâs problem. And the future was the futureâs problem. Right now belonged to Max, and he was holding onto it for all he was worth.
âMax,â Pisaeng said, his voice close, his breath warm.
âHmm?â Max answered. His eyes had fallen shut at some point as they danced. He opened them to see Pisaengâs warm eyes barely a few inches in front of him. Pisaengâs eyes dropped, and Maxâs did as well. He watched Pisaengâs tongue shoot out to lick his lips nervously.
His eyes moved back up the Pisaengâs again. Max was drunk, but he wasnât drunk enough to make the first move. It wasnât his to make.
He didnât need to, though. He felt Pisaengâs hand slide from his waist around his back, tugging him closer. There was a warm, hesitant puff of air against his lips, then his eyes fell shut, and Pisaeng closed the small distance between them.
Max kissed back without a moment of the hesitation that he knew should be there. His hands moved from Pisaengâs shoulders to cradle his face between his palms, fingers sliding back into his hair as their lips moved together.
âKawi!â Pearâs sharp voice broke through the white noise around them, and they broke apart, both looking around for their friends. Pear was rushing after a retreating Kawi towards the door.
Max took a deep breath before daring to look back at Pisaeng. Hs heart dropped into his stomach. Pisaeng looked about how Max expected.
Heartbroken. Guilty. Regretful. Staring through the crowd towards where Kawi and Pear had disappeared. Max put a small amount of distance between them for his own sanity, before dropping a hand to Pisaengâs arm and squeezing it gently.
Pisaeng looked at him, eyes wide and uncertain, as though not knowing how he got there. The music was still loud, and people were crowding too close, so Max just nodded towards the door their friends had disappeared out. Pisaeng nodded, but didnât move. Max wasnât sure if he could.
Maxâs hand gripped Pisaengâs arm and tugged him towards the door, weaving between people as they went.
By the time they got outside, Pear was standing alone, shivering in the wind and her short sleeve dress.
âWhereâs Kawi?â Max asked.
Pear turned around, and Max could see the tears that had been streaming down her face. He reached out to pull her into his arms, and she curled against his shoulder. âI donât know,â she mumbled against his shoulder. âWe justâWe were dancing, and everything was fine, then he justâI donât know. He just got this look on his face, and he left. He didnât evenâHe didnât say anything. And when I got outside he was already getting into a cab.â
âAlright, Iâll go talk to him, okay?â Max said, pulling back to look her in the face. He offered a comforting smile as she nodded, and he leaned forward to press a kiss against her forehead. âItâll be alright.â He looked over her shoulder at Pisaeng, who looked like he was debating throwing himself into oncoming traffic. Max could only deal with one breakdown at a time, though. âPisaeng,â he said, drawing the other manâs attention. He looked sharply around at his name being called, then his eyes dropped, unable to even look Max in the eye. He wasnât gong to focus on how much that hurt. He couldnât. âCan you make sure Pear gets home safe?â
âYeah,â Pisaeng said. âWhere are you going?â He asked, eyes set on Maxâs shoes.
âIâm going to talk to Kawi,â Max answered.
âMaybe I shouldââ
âNo,â Max said. He wasnât going to say in front of Pear that Kawi needed the only one of them he wasnât romantically interested in to talk some sense into him, but he hoped Pisaeng understood. âIâll talk to him. Donât worry, just get Pear home.â
Pisaeng nodded and took his jacket off, wrapping it around Pearâs shoulders. Something painful and cold twisted in Maxâs chest at the sight, but he looked away, hailing a cab coming towards them.
Max helped Pear into the back of the cab, but stopped before getting in himself. âMax, Iââ
âI know,â Max cut him off, maybe too sharply, but he couldnât bear to hear it. He didnât want Pisaeng to apologize for kissing him, or for asking him to the club. He didnât think he could take it if Pisaeng said any of it was a mistake. It was. He knew it was, but if he heard Pisaeng say it, he knew thatâs all he would be able to hear in his nightmares for the foreseeable future. âI know,â he said again, more gently this time. He offered a sad smile, and reached out to squeeze Pisaengâs arm. âItâs okay.â
âThank you,â Pisaeng said, and maybe that was worse.
Once the cab had pulled away, he waved for another one and gave the driver Kawiâs address.
In all honestly, he didnât expect Kawi to let him in. He really didnât. He expected to be stuck out in the cold for an hour, then to give up, go home, and try again the next day. But Kawi let him in, and then proceeded back to where it appeared heâd been before Max arrivedâ collapsed on the couch and crying into a pillow.
Max went to the kitchen first and filled two glasses of water before joining Kawi. He sat on the floor in front of Kawi and placed the glasses of water on the table.
He did say anything, just waiting, letting Kawi cry out as many tears as he needed to. The sharp, cold thing twisted in Maxâs chest again. How had he managed to hurt two people he cared so much about in one night? In the span of about thirty seconds, if he was being precise.
âIâm sorry.â The words didnât come from Max, and he had to watch Kawiâs face closely, replay through his own drunken memory the last minute, to be certain.
âI think thatâs my line,â Max said, doing his best to add a teasing lilt to his tone. He failed, but heâd tried.
Kawi shook his head, swiping his hands roughly over his cheeks. âNo, Iâm sorry. I shouldnât have freaked out and stormed off like that,â Kawi said.
âYeah, well I shouldnât have kissed the guy you like,â Max answered. Kawiâs eyes went wide, and Max could see his mind scrambling for excuses. âDonât. I know. Iâm not blind. But you really should tell Pear. If you like them both, thatâs fine, but be honest with them both.â
âI donâtââ Kawi started, then broke off. âIâm notâŠâ
âYou donât have to be anything,â Max said. âItâs fine that you like him. Thereâs nothing wrong with that.â
âI know,â Kawi said. Maxâs eyebrows shot up. That was an improvement. âBut I still shouldnât have done that. Iâm dating Pear. I donâtâI canât be jealous if Pisaeng likesâif he likes someone else. If he likes you.â Max started to interrupt, but Kawi waved a hand to stop him. âI missed my chance. You can be with him. I wonât get in the way.â
Max was silent for a long, frustrated minute. âIâve never understood that noble bullshit in romantic movies,â he finally said. Kawi just stared at him in confusion. âThe whole, âWe both like the same person but Iâll be the better person and stand aside so you can be with them.â Aside from the fact that itâs almost always a woman, and I wonât get into the nature of that trope treating women like property, but Iâm sure you get the pointâThereâs also the fact that itâs not our decision alone. You get that, right?â
Kawi only stared blankly at him. âIâm not following.â
Max groaned and reach out to shake whatever parts of Kawi he could reach, which were his knees and shins. âIt doesnât matter if you want to be some noble hero or whatever bullshit, and stand aside so I can be with Pisaeng. Iâm not the one he likes.â He let the silence linger for a minute, hoping it would sink it. âDo you get it? Pisaeng asked me out because heâs trying to get over you. Because you turned him down. I know I never had a chance with him. And even if you tell him a hundred times over that you don't return his feelings, I still wonât have a shot.â
The gravity of his words hit them both at the same time. Kawi stared at his hands, registering everything Max had said. Max pulled his knees to his chest and leaned his head against his knees, trying to even out his breaths, trying to stop that tears that burned the inside of his eyelids. His arms tightened around his legs, as if trying to physically stop his body from shaking so badly it felt like he would break apart into shattered pieces.
He never had a chance. He knew that. Every time he heard Pisaeng talk about Kawi. Every time he saw the way Pisaeng looked at Kawi. Even after Kawi had said he didnât return Pisaengâs feelings. Pisaeng didnât look at him any differently. And Max knew that. Heâd known that from the beginning. It wasnât supposed to happen this way, but here they were, and everyone hurt because of it.
âIâm sorry,â Kawi said again, and this time, the tears fell down Maxâs cheeks, because he could hear it in Kawiâs voice. He knew this time what he was sorry for, and it wasnât his own stupid actions. It was regret at his best friendâs pain, and Max didnât want Kawi to see that, but he couldnât stop it either.
Max felt arms encircle him, knees dropping to the floor in front of him as Kawi pulled him against his chest.
It felt like an hour, but he was pretty sure it had only been a few minutes, when Max caught his breath again and pulled away, wiping the tears from his cheeks. âJust stop hurting him, alright?â He asked quietly. âWhether thatâs admitting your feelings, or cutting him loose, just please stop hurting him, alright?â He felt Kawi nod against his shoulder.
âWant to crash here tonight?â Kawi asked. Max felt himself nod, and Kawi started moving around, throwing blankets and pillows onto the couch from the hall closet. Max took another minute, swiping his hands over his face and catching his breath before he moved.
Heâd known it was a mistake. All of it. Somehow, he still couldnât even bring himself to regret it. Somehow he felt t in his core, like the future was already written somehow, and he knew that when it came to Pisaeng, he didnât have a place in it. Still. He had a moment. The future would be the futureâs problem, but he had a moment, and as much as hit hurt when the moment ended, he couldnât be upset that heâd had it.
Title: What You Wish For
Rating: G
Pairing(s): Kawi/Pisaeng (pre-relationship), Kawi/Pear (mentioned), Max/Pisaeng
Character(s): Kawi, Max, Pisaeng
A/N: Itâs angsty, yâall. Idk how I got here, but now I fear Iâm doomed.Â
Summary:Â Kawi took a glimpse into the future, and got everything he wished for. But what if he wished wrong?
Read on Ao3 here
One peek into the future couldnât hurt, right? Everything was perfect. Max was talking to him again, his dad was going to the doctor and getting his treatments, and best of all, Pear was leaning more and more into him every day.
Sure, they werenât officially dating or anything, but close enough that Kawi was pretty confident on what he would see when he went back to the future.
Thatâs what he convinced himself of anyway, when he twisted the engraved wood, watched the glass bulb on top shine with a bright light, and found himself in the same chair, surrounded by the same room.
Except it wasnât all the same. The first thing he did was shuffle around the desk looking for the wedding invitation.
It wasnât there.
Why wasnât it there?
Kawi shoved papers aside, looking at every one of them and discarding them to the floor. He dug through desk drawers, flung open the closet doors and dropped to the floor to look under the bed.
âWhat the hell are you doing?â An angry voice made Kawiâs head shot up. The sharp movement threw him off balance, and he landed on his back with a heavy thud.
âWhat are you doing here?â Kawi asked. Max groaned out an annoyed breath and reached down, grabbing Kawi by the arm and pulling so hard Kawi was certain his arm would be ripped from its socket. âOw!â
âWhat kind of best man would I be if I let you be late to your own wedding?â Max asked, none too gently. âThe hell are you still doing here anyway? You were supposed to be at the beach an hour ago.â
âI was justâumâwait, best man?â Too many things were happening too quickly, and Kawiâs brain was trying to catch up. His weddingâMax was his best manâDid that meanâ
âi was just as shocked.â Kawi looked back towards the doorway, where Pisaeng was leaning against the doorframe, shaking his head at the pair with a slight smirk on his face. Pisaeng broke eye contact and looked towards Max. âSee? He meant to ask me to be his best man. Sorry for the mix-up. Iâll take over asââ
âLike hell you will,â Max said, though there was no coldness to his tone despite the words. It was almost teasing, softer than his frustration at Kawi. He turned back to Kawi, but his gaze dropped and he huffed out another frustrated breath. âYouâre hopeless,â he said, crouching down and picking up something kawi had knocked from the desk in his panic to find the wedding invitation. Kawiâs eyes locked onto the small velvet box.
âIs thatââ
âPearâs ring,â Max said. He shook his head, then tucked the box into his own pocket. âIâll hold onto this. Make sure it actually gets to the wedding. Now come on, weâre going to be late.â
âUm, can you justâIâll meet you outside. I just needâum,â Kawiâs eyes cast around the room for any distraction, any momentary thing he could grasp at to convince his friends to give him just a minute to catch his breath. His eyes latched onto the partially open bathroom door. âBathroom. I just need to use the bathroom, then Iâll be out.â
âFine, but hurry,â Max said. He crossed his arms, leaning back against the desk.
Pisaeng laughed, then stepped inside, grabbing Maxâs arm and tugging him towards the door. âWeâll wait out by the car,â he offered, and Kawi couldnât have been more grateful. Pisaeng definitely shouldâve been his best man.
Kawi went into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, but waited until he heard the outside door shut before he let himself take a breath.
He did it. He really, truly fixed it. It wasnât Pisaeng and Pearâs wedding anymore. He wasnât a bystander, and he wasnât Pisaengâs best man.
He was the groom. He was Pearâs fiancee. Soon to be her husband.
Kawi leaned over the sink, splashing water on his face, then looked in the mirror.
The face looking back at him didnât smile. The eyes looking into his didnât shine with pride or excitement. He was tired. And something just feltâŠ. Off. He couldnât place how, or why.
But it didnât matter. Because heâd fixed everything heâd meant to. His father would be at the wedding, his best friend was his best man, even Pisaeng was still a part of his life, and he was marrying Pear.
Everything was perfect.
Even so, when he stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes went back to the desk. To the old antique trinket that had started the entire thing. That had given him everything he wanted.
So why was there a pain in his chest? Why did it feel tight, and uncertain?
Kawi shook his head. He was just nervous. That was all. He was now marrying someone that, while apparently heâd somehow had an entire relationship with her, he couldnât remember anything since the day heâd left the past. Thatâs all. He was just nervous about seeing her again, about having to fill in all the gaps, and learn what heâd missed.
He took a deep breath, and left.
To go to his wedding.
Even thinking about it was surreal. Everything was surreal.
But it would be ok, because he had his two closest friends in the world by his side, and that would make everything easier to deal with.
Kawi finally felt a smile pulling at his lips as he stepped out of the building, eyes scanning the parking lot for Max and Pisaeng. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw them, but only for a moment.
Max was leaning against the side of a black car, smiling as he said something Kawi couldnât hear. Pisaeng was beside him, turned to face Max, with his forearm against the roof of the car. He laughed at something, shaking his head at Max. Before Kawi could register what he was seeing, Maxâs hand was on Pisaengâs jaw, and he leaned in to kiss him.
It was brief. So quick that if Kawi had blinked at the right moment, he wouldâve missed it. But he hadnât. And he felt his stomach drop to the ground. The tightness in his chest became a vice grip. The colors around him flooded and spun, not unlike how it did when he was traveling between timelines, but he wasnât. Not this time.
The timelines felt like they bled together, and Kawi wasnât sure if he was seeing past Max and Pisaeng or present. All he knew was that he couldnât breathe, couldnât move, couldnât think.
He didnât realize his feet had started moving until his back hit the glass door with a loud thunk, and the shaking rattled the windows around the door. Pisaeng and Max turned towards him, and he was going to be sick.
The world still spun, everything was blurry, except for the two men running across the parking lot towards him.
âKawi?â
âWhat happened? Are you alright?â
âCome on, we have to go.â
âI canât, I canât,â Kawi muttered, over and over. He turned towards the building, pulling at the door desperately, but it wouldnât open.
âWhat are you doing? Come on, weâre going to be late,â Max said.
Key card. He needed a key card to get into the building. Where the hell was it? Hands pulled at his shoulders, at his sleeves.
âCome on, you canât leave Pear waiting at the alter,â Pisaengâs voice sounded like knives stabbing him, over and over again.
âI have to go back,â Kawi said.
âYou canât go back inside, youâll be late,â Max said again.
âHave to goââ
âKawi, weâre not letting you get cold feet and back out,â Pisaeng said.
He didnât understand. Neither of them understood.
âI fucked it up. I fucked it all up,â Kawi said.
âFucked what up?â Max asked. âCome on, we donât have time for this. Pear will forgive you being late, as long as we actually show up.â
âI fucked it up. I fucked it up.â
âKawiââ
ââfucked it up.â
He had to get back inside. He had toâIt was the only way to fix it. He had to go back again.
âCome on.â
âKawi, calm down. Letâs just go.â
âWeâre going to be late.â
âYou canât keep Pear waiting.â
Fucked it up. Fucked it up. What was he supposed to do? He couldnât get inside, couldnât get away from Pisaeng and Max. Couldnât marry Pear. Couldnât go back. Couldnâtâ
Kawiâs body dropped to the ground, knees bearing his weight against hot, unforgiving concrete. His head leaned against the warm glass, and tears fell from his eyes. The words of his friends drowned out into a hum of white noise. The only sound he could hear was his own desperate whispers, words he couldnât stop spilling from his lips if he tried.
On the note of comfort shipsâŠ. Love them, absolutely with all my heart. Donât get me wrong. But whyyyyy does every thought now turn into, âhuhâŠ. That would make a good AU fic.â
âŠâŠ Anyway, on an unrelated note, a new MorkSun AU fic will probably be showing up from me soon. Only for myself, and the two fans of this ship still keeping it afloat with me.