i love BAMF 10 yr old Damian who can clock everybody's shit, but there is also something so funny to me about dumb-bitch-child Damian. like i need there to be a world where. hold on no i just need to write the conversation hold on
*Damian, out of nowhere on patrol one night*
Damian: you know.., there was a solid 2 year period at the league compound where i thought you were Batman.
Damian: yeah- âcause like, i was seven. and i met you for the first time after you came out the pit and were all big already. and i didnât know anything about my father apart from, like, what my mother told me of him, right? and so when i met you, and i never actually heard anybody call you your nameâjust Mother referring to you as âone of Gothamâs greatest heroesâ and everybody calling you âprinceâ, in my little seven-year-old head, i was like âok so this must be him thenâ.
Damian: well you looked a lot like him. iâd only ever seen one grainy photo of the man taken from a distance and you fit the description; same build, hair, eyes, broody manner and passion for justice. you were everything iâd ever thought Batman was supposed to be, so when Mother started giving you special treatment and demanding you be treated like somebody important within the league, i thought that was just her lingering affection for an ex.
Jason: is that why you made me teach you how to ride a bike?
Damian: yeah i was trying to make up for lost time.
Damian: i donât know how you didnât pick up on itâi called you Father like, religiously.
Jason: âŚto be honest i just wasnât fluent in Arabic yet. when i finally did figure out thatâs what you were saying i just assumed you were making a dig at the fact that i slept with Talia that one time.
Damian: yeah that was- can i be honest with you? i set that up.
Damian: originally Mother wasnât going to meet with you in person that night, she was going to send a messenger in place, but i snuck into her chambers and edited her schedule so sheâd be in the area anyway and would go see you herself.
Damian: then i ordered food for where you were saying online in the hopes that you'd chat and realise you still loved each other.
Jason: thatâs where those oysters came from-!
Damian: yeah i didnât- i didnât actually realise how problematic you and her being together was until after i came to Gotham. i was just trying to have a parent-trap moment and get my mom and dad back together, you know? i didnât know you were seventeen, i just thought the Lazarus Pit had made you look more youthful than before.
Jason, dryly: because famously, as you can tell by looking at Raâs, thatâs what the Lazarus Pit does.
Damian: listen i was eight.
Damian: -and i didnât force you guys to do anythingâthis is still on my Mother for going with it; and for bad communication. if she had at any point spoken to me clearly about my father then that misunderstanding wouldnât have ever happened.
Jason: so⌠when did you figure out I wasnât Bruce WayneâŚ?
Damian: well⌠it was complicated?
Damian: it means at first Mother told me i was just going to Gotham with you, which made me think, like, âyay, i get to go home with Dadâ right? and then we got to Gotham and saw Batman and Robin out and you started getting mad at a âreplacementâ, and i thought you were mad because your Robin replaced you with a new Batman.
Jason, incredulous: oh my god.
Damian: -yeah, but then we had that whole confrontation with them during patrol where you told Batman i was his son and that Talia Al Ghul wanted you to put me in his care, and i was just standing behind you like⌠what fucking game are you playing here Father?
Jason: *snort* you didnât- that didnât fucking tip you off?
Damian: no! i was like 2 years deep into this belief at this point, nothing was gonna shake me. i came to the conclusion that you were sending me in as a spy or something, so i went along with it. we got back to Wayne Manor and Pennyworth greeted Batman by saying âwelcome back, Master Bruceâ and i got really mad at Tim because i was like âoh so not only did he replace Batman but he did it with the first fat fuck he found with the same first name, huh.â
Damian: so i didnât really try to kill Tim because i wanted Robin; i was doing it for your, the original Batmanâs, honour.
Damian: ...yeah. i didn't- ok, honestly? i didn't really clock that you weren't the original Batman until after you unmasked yourself in front of everyone for the first time.
Damian: because- BECAUSE, in the league everybody just called you by 'prince' or 'the Gotham boy', and then in Gotham nobody knew your identity so everybody just called you Red Hood. it wasn't until you revealed your identity to the family and everybody started crying about some 'Jason Todd' that was still alive that i came to the realisation that nobody had ever point blank told me your name was Bruce Wayne.
Jason, in awe: wait- wait oh my god i do remember you being really fucking quiet during that whole reveal..,
Damian: yeah i was- i was coming to terms with a lot of stuff in that moment.
Jason: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?!
Damian: what am i, stupid? looking back a year or so later, yeah it's a funny memory of how stupid i was as a kid. in the moment? you couldn't have fucking waterboarded that info out of me.
Jason: you know. it does kinda- oh my god it makes so much sense now,
Jason: Tim told me the first time they let you in the Batcave he watched you walk up to my memorial case, read the plaque, and then loudly go, 'who the fuck is Jason Todd'. and i always thought that was real fuckin' weird considering i'm your emergency contact.
Jason: were you disappointed that the fake-Bruce was your actual dad, then?
Damian: honestly i was more troubled at the realisation that i'd actively participated in the action of trying to get my mother and adoptive brother to bang.
Jason: alright that's fair,
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