and when you smile, my heart bursts into a thousand pieces
Story: Alex always had a crush on her best friend Felix, absolutely sure about the fact that he wasn’t interested in her at all but this suddenly changes when her bestfriend gets way too jealous when another guy got involved.
Genre: romance, friends to lovers
Note: Okay, after a very long hiatus I’m finally back at writing and I wrote this cute piece for my lovely wifey @mywigism-i-a ♥ I really hope you’ll enjoy this! It’s not my best work but I’m glad I finished it and I’m pretty sure to write more in the future, hehe. Thank you for being such a lovely friend, I’m so glad to have you.♥
I’m sorry for any language mistake, I’m not a native speaker. ♥
Alex would always remember the first day she met Felix. She remembered how lost she was, surrounded by strangers, getting all kinds of stares due to her appearence. She felt anxiety running through her veins, as she resisted the urge to run away and hide in a storeroom where nobody would ever find her. But she fought for a place to study at her university. It always was her dream to study at one of the best colleges possible and due to her talent for languages it felt like a dream came true, when she got the acceptance letter from one of the most renowned medical schools in South Korea.
She was overwhelmed with happiness but as lucky as she was, she was afraid. Afraid of being alone in a country she only visited twice before, without any family or friends near her but she wanted to take that risk, she needed to get out of her town. Far away from everything. So she studied as hard as possible, taking different jobs to finance college and did the very utmost at least.
But she felt a huge wave of regret when she stood in the big hallway, pressing her bag onto her chest to get at least a bit feeling of security in this mass of people. The building was huge and looked expensive, it was intimidating to her. But not as daunting as all these people. She had to admit that she underestimated this situation but there was no chance of going back now. Alex paid a ton of money to be able to study at this exact University so she wouldn’t give up so easily, even when it was hard and the urge to simply run away grew deeper with every breath she took.
And then she met him. He looked young and kind of lost. Just like her. She remembered how he smiled at her cheerfully. „You look pretty lost.“,
he said, with a way too deep voice for that soft face. But she was more than just happy as he talked in English with her, which soothed her nerves immediately.
„Well, it’s the first day. There are so many people and I feel like everyone’s staring at me.“, she sighed deeply, shrugging her shoulders. The guy smiled again, showing his beautiful bright teeths and nodded. „They probably are because of your looks.“
She knew that he didn’t mean it in a bad way – he meant it as a compliment but Alex only sighed.
„Oh, I mean that as a compliment.“, he assured and laughed a bit, brushing his hair out of his face. She examined his features, his face looked soft a little childish but that was charming in a way. His hair was brown and a few strains fell in his forehead, forcing him to brush them away every few seconds. Alex noticed his snub nose and lots of beautiful freckles around it. She wasn’t sure if it was just this absurd moment or her anxietz which made her heart beat faster.
“Thanks, I guess.“, she answered silently and grinned.
„So what’s your name? I’m Felix.“, her big brown eyes widened in surprise by his non-Asian name.
„My name’s Alex.“, she answered as Felix chuckled a little bit by her astonishment.
„I’m actually from Australia, if that’s what you wanted to ask next. What about you?“, her heart warmed about his frankness and let a warm feeling running through her veins which calmed her nerves.
„That sounds pretty interesting. I’m from the US and I don’t really know how I got here, to be honest.“, she laughed lightly and started playing with her fingers.
„I guess now that we both know each other we could watch a movie together sometimes?“, he asked her smilingly.
This was now one year ago and Felix and her were still friends. She might even called him her best friend but that was probably because she didn’t make any other good friends besides him. It was a very tough year. Alex was always busy learning stuff and getting more and more nervous about the different exams where failing wasn’t an option, because it would result in leaving the school and that was simply not acceptable.
She sighed deeply, letting her head fall on her neck as she stared at the ceiling of her room. The book she was reading in was probably heavier than herself and the words where actually written so small that she honestly thought of buying glasses. But that wouldn’t probably help her understanding anything about Anatomy or Infectiology which was the most boring topic ever in her opinion. How do they expect her to know every single bone a human has or every disease and its treatmeant off the top of her head.
She rubbed her eyes, which got pretty heavy already even when it was only 8pm but the lack of sleep and level of exhaustion pulled on her stamina. Alex tapped with her fintertips on the surface of the ugly wooden table which was nearly completely disappearing under the massive book. She propped her head on her hand and browsed through the book, pretending to read something but all she saw where the letters rushing in front of her eyes as she was unable to focus normally.
A mild knock on her door let her flinch in the uncomfortable plastic chair. „It’s open.“, she yelled already sure about who would enter her room. Her body stiffened and she tried to fix her messy hair fatsly with her hands when Felix entered her small room, with a bright smile on his lips which immediately made her heart melt.
It wasn’t like she didn’t try to fight it. Oh and how she fought against it. Against this warm feeling which appeared at even the slightest thought of him and how he gace her goosebumps when he talked with his deep voice but the most fatal part of him where his smile. It was absolutely impossible for her to keep a clear head when this absurd bright and catching smile appeared on his face
But it was ridiculous. She knew it was, she sighed and closed her eyes for a short second, trying to collect her dazzling thoughts which kept her heartbeat racing.
„What are you doing?“, he asked casually after closing the door behind him, lightly moving through her small room. „Anatomy and infectiology.“, she mumbled bored.
Felix let out a deep groan and her hair stood up in her neck immediately. She cleared her throat and closed the book on her desk. „I thought we might do something more fun today.“, Felix said while casually taking a seat on her bed like it’s the most common thing to do.
„And what do you insist? A movie?“, she asked while carefully stroking her thick brown hair behind her ear. Watching a movie was the best thing for her to do, because they had to scooch together to fit on her bed together but her heart sank when he shrugged his head trenchantely.
„No! I mean something really funny.“, Alex clicked her tongue and folded her arms in front of her chest, cocking her head. „So watching a movie with me isn’t fun? Well, thanks.“,
Felix expression changed and he wildely waved his arms in the air fully in shock. „Nono, that’s not what I meant! It is fun – really fun, but I -“, Alex laughed out as she feared him of hyperventilating soon.
„I’m just kidding.“, she chuckled and Felix exhaled deeply, holding one hand on his heart theatrically. She smiled softly. He was a unique kind of guy. His behaviour was always honest and precious but he defintely tend to overreact in a dramatic way but she thought of it as kinda charming. He didn’t even know how charming he actually was – at least in her eyes.
Sometimes she had the thought of him noticing her feelings but she tried to ignore it. It would destroy their friendship and she wasn’t really in the position to lose a friend in relation of her having literally no friends around here.
So she knew that her small, childish crush on someone as extroverted and charming as Felix was just pure imagination. Other than her he actually had friends and was overall pretty popular not only because of his prettiness but also due to his soft looks and origin. Even though his outer appearence was pretty Asian he was an Australian to the bone which was another charming point about him. Especially girls loved to listen to his stories about living there with all the beautiful beaches and the different culture.
„So do you want to tell me your plans now?“, Alex digged deeper to finally get an acceptable answer as she narrowed her eyebrows at him.
„Let’s go to this party today.“, he said with a cheerful smile on his face, clapping his hands in excitement.
Alex nearly choked on her own spit as she shook her head heavily. „I hate parties, Felix. You know that.“, her best friend pouted and looked at her like a sad puppy. „Stop looking at me like that, it won’t work.“, she yelled at him and covered her eyes with her hands to escape his begging.
„Pleeeease, Alex. Come on, this one time okay? Maybe you find new friends.“, he said and this time Alex moaned while she fought with herself. „I don’t need new friends.“,
„Yes, you do. But not super friends who would beat me, though.“, he heard Felix reverberated laugh and instantly melted into a puddle.
„Noone could ever beat you.“, she sighed quietly, squeezing her eyes for a second before taking her hands down. „Okay, we can go. But let me change first and put on some Make Up.“,
„You don’t need Make Up.“, he said lightly and laid down on her bed, knowing the fact that it would take her at least an hour until she was finished. She waved his comment aside not actively acknowledgeing his implied compliment.
After a certain amount of time passed by and Felix nearly fell asleep Alex came out of her small bathroom and looked not very pleasently. „I think I messed up the eyeshadow urgh“, she groaned and checked her work again in the mirror.
„No, it looks great, really.“, Felix said, rubbing his tired eyes. She smiled slightly and moved over to her closet.
She had no idea what to wear to a party, especially because Felix looked completely casual in his clothes. But he had a good sense of style anyway so she only sighed and observed her clothes, until she picked out a new shirt and a black shorts. She peered to Felix whose eyes where already half way closed again and stumbled for a second. Alex had the urge to punch herself in the face after thinking about how cute and peacful he looked, with his perfect pink lips which she really wanted to kiss just for a short second.
She sneaked in her bathroom again to put on her clothes. She exmained herself in the small, round mirror above her sink and plucked on the fabric around her cleavage. It showed a bit of her curves which she actually liked but she was unsure about it considering that this country was way more narrow-minded as her home. But on the other hand it was a party and she was pretty sure that some girls were trying to show much more of their skin to show off.
„Hey, Felix, if you’re that tired we can stay home and sleep.“, she said as she poked his arm carefully. He mumbled something inaudible for her and rubbed his eyes slowly until his gaze fell on her and he gulped.
„Uh, you want to go like this?“, he asked as he slowly piled up and stared at her.
Alex mind filled up with anxiety. Did she look hideous? Did these clothes made her look fat or ugly? She bit her lower lip and looked away. „I can change.“, she stuttered and moved to her closet again.
„No, I mean you – just.“, that was probably the first time she saw Felix splutter since she knew him. „It’s um – you look pretty. I mean, not only that – nevermind.“ he lowered his gaze and cleared his throat after running through his brown hair. She was confused about his behaviour, staring at her open closet.
„Let me change then.“, she said again, oppressing another deep sigh. „No, really, you don’t need to.“, Felix answered fastly grabbing her hand and pressing it to cheer her up.
Alex took a breath to calm her nerves and freed her hand quickly because this simple yet steady touch let her mind went completely blank, while her legs wouldn’t stop shaking.
She closed the door again and fumbled on her shirt again to abstract herself. „I didn’t mean it like that. You really look great. Really, I promise.“ he said, swearing with his fingers and smiled brightly which made Alex’ heartbeat increase even more that she was scared of having an actual heartattack.
After another long discussion if they should go or not Alex was defeated by her friend, who didn’t stop babbling into her ear to get on her nerves so she would finally say yes.
„I want to go home and sleep.“, she nagged as they walked towards the building in which the party was when loud beats were already noticeable on the outside. A few students were standing in front if it to either smoke or chat together when Felix was already recognized by them as they greeted him welcoming while Alex only waved quickly and managed to smile slightly.
After a small chat of something she didn’t even remember Felix and her got inside and she had the feeling like the hot, sweaty air was trying to suffocate her. „Don’t make such a face, enjoy yourself.“, she heard Felix deep voice next to her ear as he leaned further towards her so she could understand him due to the heavy bass of the music.
She rolled her eyes as she examined the dark room and it’s people. It was crowded and she could barely see something except the dazzling, flashing lights in different colours. She took a deep breath as she searched for the bar. She defintely needed something to drink which included alcohol.
„Do you want to drink something?“, she screamed in Felix’ ear as he tried to get a view himself.
„Sure, but let me say hello to some friends first, you can come with me.“, he suggested with a soft smile but Alex shook her head heavily. „I’ll wait at the bar.“, before he could answer anything she wiggled herself through some students which she ignored, even when she felt like most of them were staring at her again. But that was probably just her imagination.
She sighed slightly when she ordered a cocktail as she took a seat at the next free bar stool.
„Can I buy you something?“, a voice appeared next to her and she flinched. At first she thought it was Felix but she didn’t know the guy who smiled at her. Alex was a bit shocked, not expecting anyone to talk to her but she nodded and rejoined his charming smile.
„Is the seat taken?“, he asked, pointing at the bar stool next to her which she negated. She looked at the strange guy and noticed that he wasn’t bad looking. He was taller than her, maybe just a bit – and had very pretty brown hair, falling into his forehead playfully as he ordered a drink for himself.
„I’m Jisung.“, he introduced himself smoothly.
„Alex, nice to meet you.“, she answered while nipping on her drink slowly. She noticed his charming smile which appeared on his face as he started to ask her where she’d come from and what she was studying. „It’s my second year already.“, she said while chuckling lightly.
„Oh, wow that’s amazing. I’m in my first year.“, he answered. He didn’t look very young but that was probably up to the dark light. At first she didn’t noticed how Jisung moved closer to her with every second passed by when his face was dangerously close to hers while he tried to speak as close to her ear as possible which made her blush instantly.
She wasn’t used to be noticed by such attractive guys and was probably a mess at flirting but it felt good. Even though it was just plain, trivial smalltalk but she could feel that he was genuinely interested in her – or at least that’s what she thought. It felt good to talk to someone – especially a pretty guy – who wasn’t rejecting her feelings. She enjoyed his breath stroking on her ear and cheek as he talked with a lowered voice which gave her small goosebumps.
„You really look stunning, do you know that?“, he said while chukling. Alex smiled, feeling how her cheeks turned in a soft red. It was such a good feeling to hear someone complimenting her, especially when she took over an hour to get ready and of course after Felix’ strange reaction to her appearence which still kinda hurt in her chest but she shook the thought of him away. He wasn’t interested in her at all so she had to move on and look for someone who actually was interested in her as more than just a friend, even when the thought of it let her heart ache.
„And you seem to be pretty smart, too. It’s rare to meet a beautiful girl which is also intelligent and cute like you.“, he whispered in her ear as she felt his hand slowly appearing on her upper arm where his slender fingers drew small circles.
„Well, I could give that all back to you. I really enjoy talking to you.“, she said, taking another sip of her drink, feeling his slow breath again which made her temperature rise this time. It was a long time ago the last time she flirted with someone or even met someone, she didn’t even exactly remember.
„What about another drink?“, he offered as he saw Alex’ empty glass on the desk. She wasn’t sure if becoming drunk with a stranger was the best idea but maybe it was exaclty what she needed at this specific moment.
„Excuse me.“, she flinched as she heard a familar voice behind her and turned around just to look at Felix who seemed to be in a bad mood all of a sudden. She rolled her eyes and locked her eyes with his.
„What? I’m talking to someone.“, she said while trying to introduce Jisung to him, which didn’t seem to be interesting for him in any way as Felix just ignored him and stared at her.
„Let’s go home, okay? I want to watch a movie.“, he said, his arms folded in front of his chest.
Alex blinked at him, visibly confused. „Go home, then.“, she said shaking her head. „Not without you.“, he answered harshly while staring at Jisung. „I’m pretty busy, as you might have noticed.“, Alex answered now feeling annoyed by him. He even left her alone a while ago and now he wanted to go home in the exact moment she was about to have some actual fun.
„Is that your boyfriend?“, she heard Jisung asking who was already standing up. „No! No, god, he isn’t my boyfriend.“, she stuttered quickly.
„No, but she’s going home with me now, so go and try it on another girl, okay?“, Felix voice wasn’t joking or nice, it was pretty much the opposite. He sounded cold and even a little bit angry, which was very strange for him.
Alex tried to say something to make the other guy stay but he just rolled his eyes and walked away without saying any other word. No goodybe or exchanging numbers. She groaned loudly and stared at Felix. „What was that all about? Now he’s gone, thank you Felix.“
She felt his hand grabbing her wrist as she tried to go away as well. „What?“, she asked annoyed. She didn’t understand his childish behaviour, nor his sudden bad mood and she really tried to ignore it but it was impossible. His stare was way too intense for her to resist, as her heart started to beat faster as always when he touched her.
„Fine, let’s go home. But only if you tell me what all this was about, okay?“, she sighed deeply and brushed her hair behind her ear. Felix didn’t bother to answer her, he only dragged her behind him through the building, while trying not to bump into any other students until they finally reached the exit and cold, fresh air hit Alex lungs.
She took a deep breath and looked up to the clear nightsky. „Would you mind letting go of my wrist now?“, she asked Felix, whose grip was tighter than expected.
„Oh, sorry.“, he mumbled while looking on the ground, finally letting go of her wrist. „Okay, now, talk. You scared him so much that he just walked away.“, she nagged and folded her arms.
„Do you actually think that he was interested in anything else than .. that?“, he asked furiously, glaring at her.
She understood what he meant and felt her cheeks blushing. „Even if that is true, why do you care? You said I should meet new people.“,
„Yeah, I said new people not having a one night stand with some stranger.“, he fizzed, still staring at her which made her start to feel uncomfortable.
„I don’t get why you’re being such a brat now. Seriously, just mind your own buisness and let me handle mine.“, she had to look down, not able to think straight. Something was different, it was a strange atmosphere coming up between the two of them which filled her body with anxiety.
He really was furious about her but she didn’t quite understand why but it was an awful feeling to know that he was angry at her, nearly yelling because of something she probably had done.
„I can’t.“, he answered quielty, changing his position. „You can’t what? Can you please be more specific? I seriously don’t know what you’re talking about.“, and that wasn’t a lie. She had really no clue.
„It’s just .. I mean -“, he scoffed, ruffling his hair nervously. „I couldn’t handle it. I mean he touched you, okay?“, his voice sounded like it was about to break as he groaned loudly in despair.
„Why does it matter to you?“, she asked hesitateing, while a small thought slowly found its way into her head but Felix remained silent. He was seemingly fighting with himself, unsure about what to say or do next.
„Why are you so angry at me?“, she asked calmly while trying to sort her thoughts which ran through her mind uncontrollably.
„I am not angry at you.“, he finally answered while taking a step towards her. „I’m angry at him and at myself.“, he added quietly as the atmosphere changed. It changed into something differnt, much more powerful and clearer, even though Alex’ mind wasn’t ready to say it by now. There was only one scenario which would lead to a logicial explanation of his sudden behaviour and as closer he came to her, as precisely were her thoughts becoming.
„I was jealous, okay? I had a feeling when you came out in your outfit it is, you look breathtaking. I mean, it’s just -“, he suddenly stopped and grabbed Alex’ hands, pressing them softly. „When I saw this guy talking to you in such a way, I just saw red, you know?“,
She looked Felix in his dark eyes and saw a small smile appear on his face. „You’re my best friend, Alex. I mean you’re always there for me and we can talk about anything. It’s just – why is this so hard?“, he whispered full of despair and fear.
„I’m just – I can’t keep a clear head when you look at me with these big, brown eyes it’s impossible.“, he said, his voice barely to hear. „And then you look like an angel and this guy dared to touch you, when I want to be the only one touching you.“,
His voice broke as he slowly stroked her cheek with his fingers, letting them run through her dark hair, softly wandering down her arms, back to her face. She was unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to think a single word. All that she could feel was the warmth which felt like it would drown her, paired with the hot electricity his soft touches left on her bare skin.
She opened her mouth slightly, looking at this perfect pink lips before she locked her gaze with his again. His gaze felt like it was hypnotising her, completely being under his spell, as she decided to move her head closer, just to give him a signal as her mind nearly exploded.
It was just a second passing but it felt like an eternity, this moment just before their lips finally met each other, was a memory she would always keep like a treasure in her head. It felt like a drum roll, which let her heartbeat increase, her mind slowly going blank, waving all the different thoughts away, leaving nothing but warmth and affection, where all she could think about was him. The guy she always wanted, the guy who made her heart melt with every smile, the guy who was able to let her forget how to breathe just by the thought of him.
His lips were soft, way softer than she expected even though she dreamed about this exact moment a thousand times. The way he carefully cupped her head with his hands the first seconds, before he slowly peeled away, just a centimeter to look at her eyes. She opended them just a short amount of time, trying to give him the most affectionate look she could, filling it with all the feelings she beared down over all these months, before he smiled softly, carefully pressing his lips on hers again.
His hands charily careessing her cheek before wandering down her neck and her arms until he wrapped them securely around her waist to press her closer to himself, while deepening the kiss.
Alex’ heart was bursting in her chest as she felt she sudden explosion of everything she ever felt for him, becoming butterflies filling up her whole body, while having goosebumps and completely loose herself in this kiss.
Her legs started shaking slightly as she had the feeling of becoming a big puddle right at this moment, when their lips connected over and over again, like two magnets who couldn’t be without each other. It just felt so right , like this was the exact right place for her to be with the absolut right person in front of her, kissing her softly.
It felt like they were in their own small world, where nobody else exists besides them. Where the time just stood still, ignoring everything else around them. It was just them, being completely fallen into the kiss, the touches, the nearness. All these things which seemed to be just a a very far away dream, a dream which finally became true in an even better way. She would’ve never imagined it to be that beautiful, in none of her dreams.
Felix slowly peeled away again, this time far enough to take a clear look at her face, which was probably bright red as she tried to look away.
„That was kinda unexpected.“, she mumbled quietly, as he still had his arms wrapped around her waist, without making any sign of letting her go. The biggest smile she ever saw on him appeared on his face, which made her heart explode again. His expression got coy, even a bit shy when he put his arms down hesitantly, brushing his hair out of his face a few times.
„I’m crazy about you, do you know that, Alex?“, he said while chuckling, staring at the sky for a short while before locking his gaze with hers again. „Now I do.“, she answered with a soft smile, reaching out for his hand, which he gave her happily.
„So, do you still want to watch a movie?“, she asked the boy next to her, filled with a happiness she never felt that strong before in her life. All her fears and negative thoughts fell down and she had the feeling do be able to actually breathe in a very long time and with every breath she took her thoughts burned deeper and deeper in her head. The thoughts of something which would lead to something much bigger and even more beautiful than it already was. It felt like nothing could reach her now, with him by her side. Nothing could destroy this wonderful feeling, which filled her whole body.
She wasn’t afraid anymore.
