he is not here

MIKE, 21, HALF-ALIVE/HALF-ASLEEP

[myworldisblue]

[nevver]

Word on the Street @DirtWorship

[myworldisblue]

Ako’y alon sa dapithapon na lagi’t lagi na lamang sumusunod sa kagustuhan ng dagat at hinahayaan itong dalhin ako sa mga lugar na di ko nais puntahan – ang iyong mga paa sa may dalampasigan, ang iyong mga palad, ang iyong kamulatan; ngunit lagi’t lagi lang din akong bumabalik sa pampang upang hagkan at yapusin ito; at sa huli ay, lagi’t lagi lang namang itinataboy pabalik sa laot ng kawalan -

Ako’y asin sa dagat na lagi’t lagi mo na lamang isinusumpa sa tuwing ako’y lalapit –sa iyong katawan, sa iyong mga labi, sa iyong mata; na lagi’t lagi lang namang naghahangad na ika’y lumutang at sa karagatan ay hindi ka malunod at mawala; na lagi’t lagi na lamang iyong ihahalintulad sa asin sa iyong mga luha na bumulag sa 'yo at tinuyot ang iyong pag-asa -

Ako’y buhangin sa iyong mga paa na lagi’t lagi na lamang hinahayaan kang ako’y daan-daanan lamang upang makarating sa tubig na iyong inaasam, na lagi’t lagi na lamang kumakapit sa sulok ng bawat daliri upang manirahan at maghihintay sa pagkakataon na ako’y maisama sa iyong pag-uwi, ngunit lagi’t lagi mo lamang akong ipapagpag, babanlawan, kakalimutan –

Ako, sa yo'y lagi't lagi lang namang nagmamahal.

at ako, sa yo'y lagi't lagi na lang masasaktan.

[incidentalcomics]

One Page at a Time

[myworldisblue]

dedications pt 1

this is for you, you who I loved the first long before i realized what it was that made me strain my eyes from staring at you so intently from across our high school corridors until one day, you told me, your hands to your eyes - i have been staring, too; i hope you don't mind.

this is for you, you who I loved the first you who i spent four years going back and forth to, and i lost myself to you - in between your palms, right into your syllables, beneath your gray shirt entangled in the spaces of your fingers - and i thought this, this is where i will dwell in peace

this is for you, you who i loved the first you who, letter by letter, taught me what it supposed to mean; you who, letter after letter, stopped to kiss me and ask me if i understood just how much you meant it, letter by letter - i look back and remember yes, i did, yes i did

this is for you, you who i gave everything to -

but staring too much got me blindsided, and i couldn't find myself because i was too lost in you, maybe we misunderstood it, i thought

but this is for you, you who i loved the first you who i abandoned on a chilly december night - the lights dimming out on you, the breeze blowing me further away, the last of my goodbyes drowned by my guilt singing, screaming - i am sorry, i am sorry

this is for you,

six years too late -

[myworldisblue]

we keep it short like it was forbidden to tell you just how much of the world you have become to me we keep it a secret for a whisper explodes, and a lullaby glamorizes the starkness of this -

we keep it ours because it was ours to hold, ours to cherish, ours to feed it was our own mess - so, we keep it simple until the hush blends into the noise of the atmosphere, and we smile

and we keep our hands to our pockets, but we keep our hearts out on our sleeves, and we keep our kisses swift and quick, but we keep our eyes locked on each other's

we keep it going, i can keep going

but we keep it simple, because i love you, simply.

[timemachinin]

how do you deal with a broken heart?

you don’t

your broken heart deals with you instead

[hernameisbanks]

FUCK EM ONLY WE KNOW

[myworldisblue]

HOLD

Let me hold you cautiously, careful not to cut you with my bony hands from holding on too tightly to the last one who came and went through me like I was an open door nobody bothered to close; because I would never want to wound you, cover you with scars that never heal, smirch you with the dirt of my bitter past,

I only want to hold you forever until my palms numb from knowing your skin; precisely, detail by detail, pore to pore.

Permit me to hold you vigorously, with the excitement of a thousand leopards, prancing on, running after, hunting you - but never to sink my teeth into your smooth neck, just a quick kiss to wet my mind with the strength of your scent, ah, maddening; because I would never want to treat you lightly, and I take you with the deepest sincerity, I need you, I need you so hard I would kill to

hold you forever, be with you forever before it's too late to feel you, see you, hear your voice, love you, have you at my center.

Just let me hold you, tonight - until tomorrow passes us by as we make our way to eternity; and hold me not from taking permanency by you where I will to hold my ground until all is done, and hold on to me, please, as I hold you through - I only want to hold you forever.

[myworldisblue]

myworldisblue turned 5 today!

[laurenbanka-blog]

Forgive yourself for not writing. Forgive yourself for writing poorly.

[myworldisblue]

subtly

[myworldisblue]

[myworldisblue]

here i am again, trying to limit my loneliness into words - short, inadequate, mute words - in attempts of downplaying its viciousness, its intensity, its power. and here i am again, failing. because who am i kidding, never has loneliness been defeated - it has been shelved, ignored, put off, yes; but never defeated. it stays with you, it slumbers inside you, it keeps its watch on you like a beast. it only takes a matter of time - an unguarded moment, a guitar chord or a stanza, a memento of the past, the trick of the future - before loneliness comes running for you; claws on your back, teeth to your neck, venom to your bloodstream.

but here i am again, trying to limit my loneliness into words. here i am again, exploring all the exit routes only to realize that all the roads leads me straight back here. here i am again, relying on words to cage my feelings into syllables, as if they were strong enough to keep the beast from eating me up from inside. here i am again, on my nth choice of not letting death prey on my decomposing soul. yet i fail, i always fail.

and here i am now, the cul-de-sac is just around the bend. and i am tired trying to limit my loneliness into words. what better option do i have than to wait and let the monster chase me down to the end. let the monster consume me. let the monster be me. because -

- there are no limits to loneliness. you give up, you give in.

[myworldisblue]

A Love Like This (i.e. A Love Like You)

I can not rush a few lines to pinch your cheeks till they were red as cherries, just as I could not rush the sun to collide with the horizon so I could see you once more and kiss your lips, sweeter than cherries. For a love like this takes time and waiting to ripen into the reddest cherries one could ever see.

I can not build you a paradise where you can bury yourself in the abundance of the earth, just as a thousand workers could not build the biggest cathedrals in a day; there, I could walk you down the longest aisles and show you off to the earth. For a love like this does not blossom overnight, for even one as lovely as the earth took a billion years to grow.

I can not promise you my presence in every second of your breathing, just as no mother can assure her kid that she will never leave, but I am with you still, even in distance, in absence, in the spaces between split seconds. For when you love like this, a kilometer is only a measure of how my heart beats for you every passing second.

I can not erase your errors and paint you a flawless facade, immaculate as heaven’s gates just as time has not purged the scars out of my knees so I could bruise for you anew and wound myself again so I grow another skin. But, I love you like this, simply but unconditionally, truly and madly and deeply, irrevocably.

I can not grant you every single wish on your list without crossing out some, just as the genie of the lamp could not give you anything but three; but I could stamp my bucket list complete because I have finally found you. For a love like you is worth a number of mistakes, a long list of memories, and a lifetime of waiting.

[myworldisblue]

[myworldisblue]

when the concrete looks like a pillow from here, some thirteen elevator buttons up; when the heavy clouds condense into droplets right underneath my beaten eyes; when the possibilities do not coincide with the realm of reality, and i am left here to doubt the promise of tomorrow's sunrise;

i just want you

when the monsters unmask their ploys,  my dreams are threatened by my awakening; when my bloodstream runs with the poison of hate and regret, and i am suffocating; when the words evaporate into the void of oblivion, when every step is a pit, when every blessing is a curse, when every day is a trap;

i just want you

when every prayer takes a lifetime to unfold, and i crumble to my knees for i can't wait that long; as the pain begins to taste like morning coffee and i do not fear the sting of a sip too soon, too quick; when quitting is the easiest option, and i am tempted to take it - for i am fragile and hopeless and i need you to pull me away from my loneliness;

i just want you

to hold me.