'Shiawase no Hyomen Choryoku' / 'Surface Tension of Happiness' - Akimoto Sayaka Blog 251210
'Hello, it’s been a while. This is Akimoto Sayaka.
I’ve been working hard without stopping everyday, and before I knew it it was December. I haven’t been able to find time to write on note. Meanwhile AKB48 have been celebrating their 20th anniversary. I was given the opportunity to perform on stage for the first time in a long time, and I wanted to make a record of my feelings and gratitude. My first live performance in a long time was so dazzling and magical, so much fun, and I felt nothing but joy, happiness, and gratitude.
When I found out the details of my participation in this live, it was such a shock that all my worries were blown away, and my preconceptions and way of thinking changed immediately. I’m so happy to have experienced this wonderful time. As I was performing, I thought to myself ‘This scenery will be enough to get me through the next 3 years!’ I’m filled with gratitude for all the people I’ve met and things I’ve discovered thanks to AKB. And I want to express my gratitude to all the fans, members and staff who’ve been supporting me since my debut.
Nothing would make me happier than for members to continue to pass the baton down in the future. Even now, days later, I feel a sense of contentment in my heart. An invisible happiness fills my body, creating an overflowing surface tension. Despite being exhausted [after the concert], my eyes were wide open and I stayed awake until 2am. I never thought I’d feel like this again at 37 years old, and I’m emotional. It feels like yesterday's me received a sudden update, and I’ve unintentionally become the latest version of Akimoto Sayaka! This is why life is interesting.
When I was 17, I lacked confidence, thinking ‘How could someone like me possibly be an idol?’ I couldn’t accept the parts of me that were different, and I struggled desperately to become someone I wasn’t. I caused trouble, and disappointed a lot of people. Even when I became a senbatsu member, I constantly gained and lost confidence, and there were times I struggled mentally. I’m sure there were times I attended handshake events or theatre performances with dead eyes, and I look back on that and feel sorry for the fans.
I was tall, and had a different look to the other members, and I felt that I stood out in a bad way. ‘Why can’t I look cute in these costumes? What can’t I be cute?’ I was filled with insecurities, and those many failures and missteps shaped who I am today. But my teammates and fans accepted me completely. They continue to encourage me and tell me the importance of being myself. I’m so grateful to the fans who never gave up and supported me. When I stopped being selected for senbatsu, I knew I could only rely on Sounsekyo and Request Hour. They pulled me up when I felt like quitting. Thanks to the fans, I was able to get this far without giving up. When I started getting more individual work, they gently set the stage for me when I was doing stage shows and exploring new genres. Now that I’ve been in the entertainment industry for a long time, I realise how much love everyone gave me, and how much I was supported so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed wherever I went. They made me dressing room curtains, script covers, collected materials, and even showed me how to set up my dressing room… Thank you so much. I'm so grateful, I can't express it in words.
The costumes I wore for the first time in a long time were designed with care to reflect the ages and personalities of the graduated members, and I felt the love of Shinobu and the costume team. They had created a costume that allowed me to shine as myself, and as I danced, I felt truly acknowledged that I was an idol. I am an idol.
[On the new red check costume]
To be honest, I never thought that at this age I would be able to have a costume designed to suit me and wear such a wonderful idol costume. It really made me realize that you can be an idol no matter how old you are. I'm grateful for the love from the costume team, including Shinobu-san. I'm happy that there are people who know me better than I know myself. Skirts, trousers, thank you for creating costumes that recognise the individual charms of each member. I think this generosity may be one of the charms of AKB48.
[On the Blue Rose costume]
The ‘Blue Rose’ costume, with an updated texture and design for a more mature look. I’m trying to look cool, but when I see the sagging skin of my post-preganacy stomach, I realise that 20 years have passed. Even though my life has changed a lot, I’m happy that I can still see the scenery from back then.
Just as fans draw energy from us, we also receive power, joy, and love from you. I exist because of you. I was able to become Akimoto Sayaka because of you. Every single one of you helped shape Akimoto Sayaka. AKB48 exists because of you. To put it simply, we’re a ‘community of shared destiny’ (unmei kyoudoutai). I reaffirmed that as long as you are watching me, I want to continue to shine, and even though the way I shine may change, I still want to continue to shine. I’m proud that Akimoto Sayaka’s fans are thoughtful and filled with love. You who supported AKB48, and you who supported Akimoto Sayaka, have made the AKB48 and Akimoto Sayaka of today. Thank you so much.
I will continue to pursue my own brilliance. I will continue to work hard so that I can repay the kindness of AKB48 and all the people who have helped raise me. I would be very happy if you continue to support me. I wish AKB48 continued success and happiness in the future. The day after I performed on stage at Budokan, I woke up to my child stepping on my face. I will continue to cherish my daily life. '
こんにちは、ご無沙汰しております。 秋元才加です。 なんやかんや、日々懸命に過ごしているだけで、あっと言う間に師走。 なかなか時間を見つけられず、noteを書けずにおりました。 そんな中、先日、AKB48が20周年を迎えました。 久々にステージに上がらせて頂く機会をいただき、感じ