[wetheurban]

May you release the habit of being stuck, waiting for the "right time." May you start creating it with your choices.

[heywriters]

btw the majority of your life will be lived as a adult. yeah i don't make the rules. go have fun in your 40s or 70s or whatever. no one expects you to accomplish everything at 17 or 27. you've got time and in the meantime get some life experience, it will pay off

[chesnaughtlover]

"no one expects you to accomplish everything at 17 or 27"

[heywriters]

straight up? whoever's pressuring you to get married, run the rat race, pump out a few kids, and own a Benz before 30 is toxic. you will burn out that way. I'm assuming it's your relatives, but if you think society at large cares what you do? nah, lol. I've seen society and they're far too obsessed with their own problems. even if they're projecting those problems onto you, they're still not your problems.

the best thing about thinking or even knowing that people in your realm are obsessed with your lifestyle is telling yourself "lol freaks, watch me do whatever i want anyway." take your damn time for your sake, not theirs

if you don't reach some imaginary high score by that significant-to-you-only age, life goes on. there is no flashing "game over" sign and a clock set at 00:00. the time will still be there

[heywriters]

btw the majority of your life will be lived as a adult. yeah i don't make the rules. go have fun in your 40s or 70s or whatever. no one expects you to accomplish everything at 17 or 27. you've got time and in the meantime get some life experience, it will pay off

[chesnaughtlover]

"no one expects you to accomplish everything at 17 or 27"

[heywriters]

straight up? whoever's pressuring you to get married, run the rat race, pump out a few kids, and own a Benz before 30 is toxic. you will burn out that way. I'm assuming it's your relatives, but if you think society at large cares what you do? nah, lol. I've seen society and they're far too obsessed with their own problems. even if they're projecting those problems onto you, they're still not your problems.

the best thing about thinking or even knowing that people in your realm are obsessed with your lifestyle is telling yourself "lol freaks, watch me do whatever i want anyway." take your damn time for your sake, not theirs

if you don't reach some imaginary high score by that significant-to-you-only age, life goes on. there is no flashing "game over" sign and a clock set at 00:00. the time will still be there

[nagsusulatnamais]

Begin Again

Hopefully, someday, on a train to Osaka, we will meet again and it will feel like the past is just the past. It has no crawls to grip us, only scars that are long healed and it's only Wednesday.

[poems-and-word]

Poems & Words

[bookaddict24-7]

"A library is never complete. That’s the joy of it. We are always seeking one more book to add to our collection."

-The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland and Led the Revels There by Catherynne M. Valente

[creatingnikki]

This summer give me clementine crushes and words like nectar. A touch so healing, eye contact so simulating, I feel a bubble appear. It’s not one without fear, a bubble is a bubble after all. But clinging is not something I have ever done when it comes to summer. I’ll let it go, I’ll let it go when June is over. 

Clementine will leave a trail of citrusy scent that will linger in nooks of my body, comforting me, and those I hug with love. And the nectar? Of course, I would have drunk it whole. Thirst, too, is a function of summer, didn’t you know?

[nagsusulatnamais]

A change of perspective = change of heart

I remember this quote from a blog long long time ago where her partner said non-verbatim "I would show you everyday that I am worthy of every ounce of your love, that you made the right decision of loving me."

That was a post by a single woman in her 20s. Now, they are married with two angels.

I know it happened a year ago and I should've at least gotten over it but with that experience it led me to a different path, the path of building walls again - afraid of getting hurt. I have completely changed lens when it comes to relationships.

Written last March 10, 2023

Always remember that you are only responsible for your reactions, you answer to yourself, you are capable of making sound decisions. And you make yourself a responsible person, Mace.

I have a dilemma where my morals when it comes to relationships doesn't meet my morals when it comes to my work ethics. Instead of making scenarios, crying thru my night shifts during work hours, maybe, I should divert and do a big focus on my career/work. I am not doing the best I have for the past 3 years in the company I am in. This is an honest review of myself to my employed self.

About the above post, some events in our life are just hard to let go because it killed something in us that we dearly valued. I’d like to believe that it happened because it's time for us to shift. To shift our perspective, throw away our old school of thought for a new one, be open to experiences because you're only here for a few years, forgive because you have to release the pain that's weighing you down.

As Dr. Swift said "Part of growing up and moving into new chapters of your life is about catch and release. ","Decide what is yours to hold and let the rest go. Oftentimes the good things in your life are lighter anyway, so there’s more room for them. One toxic relationship can outweigh so many wonderful, simple joys. You get to pick what your life has time and room for. Be discerning. "

I want to say that there are a few good things in my life, but it will sound that I'm not grateful as there are a lot of things I get to do. Which I should give more focus on. Just to name a few of my favorite good things, the list includes my Cat named Pity, my ever-loving Mom, my super Dad, and my favorite siblings in the world Ayie and Cy.

Aside from these humans, I get to do a lot of introspecting, using of my mind, and a lot of writing these past few days. There are also those experiences that I was just wishing to experience it — in which I get to do now. Growing up I thought I was adaptable to any situations, turns out I just didn’t have any structures, I'm just freelancing my way to life, however, now that I'm old and building some "structures" of my own. I find myself struggling to change some of it because I've established something aligned with what I feel right.

But, since this is life and it's ever changing like earth I have to change my views, thoughts, self, and some parts that are not working well with me, aligned with what I am in. It's hard.

Well, at least I'm doing something. It's time to do some change of heart.

Sharing some favorite quotes from Dr. Swift's speech.

“My experience has been that my mistakes led to the best things in my life. And being embarrassed when you mess up is part of the human experience.”

And so this may be hard for you to hear: In your life, you will inevitably misspeak, trust the wrong people, under-react, overreact, hurt the people who didn’t deserve it, overthink, not think at all, self-sabotage, create a reality where only your experience exists, ruin perfectly good moments for yourself and others, deny any wrongdoing, not take the steps to make it right, feel very guilty, let the guilt eat at you, hit rock bottom, finally address the pain you caused, try to do better next time, rinse, repeat.  And I’m not gonna lie, these mistakes will cause you to lose things.

I’m trying to tell you that losing things doesn’t just mean losing. A lot of the time, when we lose things, we gain things too. 

((Thinking about this quote above, when I lost my trust to the other person, I try to gain some for me.))

Anyway…hard things will happen to us. We will recover. We will learn from it. We will grow more resilient because of it. 

As long as we are fortunate enough to be breathing, we will breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out. And I’m a doctor now, so I know how breathing works. 

Too much writing today. I feel so alive. Good night.

[nagsusulatnamais]

Hi! It's Me, I'm the ____, It's Me!

This is an overdue writing. Apologies to no one but to my future self who's about to read this and make some adjustments to her writing or some comments or whatever! LOL

I don't know where to start but I'm just gonna share some life update.

1. My best friend secured a Mecca ticket to Eras tour. 2. I'm still obsessed with this German Nazi (IYKYK)

(A little interruption but I lost the previous writings that I did because I was crying, then I accidentally did the Control Z, I tried to redo it but no luck. I guess it's not for me!)

3. I'm not doing my best with everything that I have now. I'm not making the most out of the resources I have access to. 4. Taylor Swift just released her Speak Now TV album. Yeyy! 5. Practicing the Art of Letting Go and just accepting things as they are. 6. "Start from experience." A recent quote I want to keep repeating to myself. 7. About to make a list of things I want to accomplish before this year ends. I'm gonna do my best and make the most out of this *fingers crossed*

There's a lot going through my mind right now. But, one thing is vivid. There's only me that can only do what I'm meant to do. No one can. Only me.

Good night. Mace

[thoughtkick]

“Have patience with all things but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being. You are perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exist.”

— Saint Frances de Sales

[stay-close]

“Most times, it’s just a lot easier not to let the world know what’s wrong.”

— Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

[tunisian]

the things we carry and leave behind in each other

alfred tennyson, ulysses / @bakwaaas / hannah lock, hands / danny castillones sillada, those sweet and painful memories / chuck palahniuk, invisible monsters / @cerleansky / becca de la rosa and mabel martin, mabel (ep. 28): matryoshka

[nagsusulatnamais]

Something weird.

Napanaginipan ko si RG. Surreal. I felt the emotion na I almost thought it was really happening. It weirded me out a little bit kalagitnaan because I know na I’m in a relationship with someone but then I’m having a difficult time with another man.

The gist of the dream was letting go (I think?) because RG told me to stop stalking him, showing in different ways, just stop. It’s been a long time! Not really sure if he still remembers me. Hehe. Hope he’s happy though and alive. Grabe sakit pala masabihan sa panaginip ng “Tigilan mo na ko.” Hahahaha at the same time it’s sad kasi nga I am being too much. I should also stop associating him in so many things. Just let go. Stop checking.

[nagsusulatnamais]

I'm not meant to write formal writings, the objective ones where you report what happened as is, declarations of winners for a certain sports news, technical writings for the corporate world and thesis where I get to have an award for it. It's not for me. But, I can try.

(Let's not compare, we all have our own roles to play in this Life. Some have better roles, some are trees, but focus on dong good on your role)

-

I am meant to write my feelings, aspirations and everything that I find whimsical around me. I am meant to describe the first sip of coffee in the morning after a depressing night, I am meant for the first glance meeting of eyes in the library, describing the scribbled words of a page in a Universal language everyone knows.

My superhero aside from the women in my life is Chuck Palanhiuk who shared how he describes how someone hates you without dropping the word hate.

I am meant to describe that the morning breeze you feel every December 1st when you were a child meant morning cartoons, hot pancakes with margarine and sugar as sides, a decorated tree with needles designed with glimmering balls, star on top and a ribbon around are the indicators that Jesus' birthday is around the corner.

I'm gonna start describing my feelings.

That I'm an adult writing this, listening to Dear reader, the coffee beside me getting into room temperature is starting to taste sour. It's a type of sour you get when you buy an orange from a new vendor at the wet market, the vendor is just there to sell for money only, he's not like the other vendor you like where he sell oranges for a living and thus his oranges are sweet but he is no longer around. So, you settle to an orange three levels down from what you are used to.

All hail to the person who ignited my love for writing - I may not have a perfect syntax like you, a writing as strong as Thor, flying colors on my resume, and currently in another country. You are one of my superhero's since I met you, PA. Thank you.

[conscious-love]

You don’t need anyone’s affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs, and you don’t have to internalize that. Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you—it’s something inherent.

Danielle Koepke

[nagsusulatnamais]

I feel like this "someone" is better than me. This certain person is way way better to live my life than me. And that everything would be better with everyone's lives if I was replaced. If I was non-existent, it's like I am not adding value to anyone thus why I want to be alone. To be on my own, to live off grid, to grow my foods, to be with my orange cat in our tiny house in the middle of nowhere, to have the everyday blue-sky view, to plant daffodils, drink coconut on an April summer and just dance on a green grass and every morning I'll be meditating out on the wild, barefooted.

Please Big G lead me to the person I am destined to become, place me where I will grow, promote to a higher position in my career, give me free time to do volunteer action, I want to meet the person I am destined to become.

Place me where I will grow. (Written December 3, 2022)

Today is July 9, 2023

I made some corrections above for better understanding.

If there's anything I want to say to the Mace who wrote the above post. It's that we have to accept that someone is better than us. But, the only person that can do you is you. You cannot be replaced by anyone. It's only you that can do everything that you are doing, it's yours. Everything that has to do with you is yours. So, do the best you can to be You! Become the best you. :)

We have to be hopeful that the future Mace is doing better, right now, let's do the very best for her! :)

[nagsusulatnamais]

it's almost '23

I still have some war going on with my worth. Do you think it's better to be left alone and work on it on my own or have someone trigger me and have reflections and do better every next time?