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For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.
No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morningās live 3-D reenactment of āInvasion of AstroMonster.ā This is what theyād say repeatedly:
āYou know!Ā Boys will be boys!āĀ
āHeās just going through a phase!ā
āHeās such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!ā
āOh my god! Girls and boys areĀ SOĀ different!ā
āHe. Just. Canāt. Help himself!ā
I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldnāt have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, āWhat red-blooded boy wouldnāt knock it down?ā
She built aĀ beautiful, glittery castleĀ in a public space.
It was soĀ tempting.
He just couldnātĀ control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.
SheĀ had to keep her building safe.
Her consent didnāt matter. Besides, itās not like she made aĀ big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasnāt a ālegitimateā knocking over if she didnāt throw a tantrum.
HisĀ desire ā for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.
Maybe she āshouldnāt have gone to preschoolā at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.
I know itās a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of donāt āget rapedā and this child, Boy #1, didĀ notĀ learn the preschool equivalent of ādonāt rape.ā
NotĀ onceĀ did his parents talk to him about invading another personās space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. Ā How much of the boyās behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the ārulesā his parents kept repeating?
There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did itĀ hisĀ mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasnāt much fun for him, but he did not do it again.
There was a third child. He wasĀ really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She,Ā beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes⦠butĀ onlyĀ after she was done building it andĀ said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You canāt make this stuff up.
Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when heās older, say, at college, drunk at a party,Ā mad at an ex-girlfriendĀ who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, āNo, I donāt want to. Stop. Leave.ā
The āoverarching attitudinal characteristicā of abusive men is entitlement
This is so brilliant. We learn things from socialization process. What our parents, friends and peers do, media and all. I think perhaps rape is because parents think boys will be boys, they bully, fight and destroy things, itās their characteristics so they donāt bother to stop them. But it manifests in them, knowing or unknowingly, they will just think, because Iām a boy and boys tend to do these, so it doesnāt matter even if the girl hates it, says no, because Iām a boy.
Just reblog this, this message is really powerful. For parents and future parents.
Whatās also interesting, is if you frame this as about spoiling your children, and about spoiled children, people tend to agree and get it. Theyāll agree that children whose parents lay down no boundaries for them when they hurt others, who let them have whatever they want at the expense of others, and justify away the harm they do, will probably grow up thinking they can do this to others (usually weaker than them, or they perceive as weaker) as adults.Ā But if you mention the word āprivilegeā, āentitlementā or anything relating to gender, everybody freaks the f- out and will deny up, down, back, forth, and sideways that how you raise a child, what you allow them to get away with, or training them that their hurtful behaviour will always be justified, can affect them at all.Ā
ALL OF THIS.
Obligatry read FOR EVERYONE
The Problem with āBoys Will Be Boysā
THIS
this is the perfect grade of good luck
reblog in 5 seconds and all of your grades will inch ever closer to perfect
āprogress not perfectionā but why not heheheĀ
Heartwarming photo of a Muslim girl and Jewish boy fighting for the same rights along with their fathers.
We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names.
Nikita Gill,Ā ā93 Percent Stardustā (via wordsnquotes)
please read this oh my god
These are better than the originals tbh
hELLO! Iāve recently reached an incredible milestone and Iāve decided to hold a smol international giveaway as thanks to everyone whoās following me!! I hope you would all participate hehe. Do reblog and share as much as possible :)
(Also so sorry for the low quality pic :ā))
There will be 2 winners and both will be receiving (equally) + i might be adding some extra goodies! :
- Muji a5 notebook (customisable!)
- Mildliner highlighters
- Muji 0.38 pens
- polar bear sticky tabsĀ
- a stack of sticky notes
- A follow from me (if iām not following you atm)
- Maybe a new friend? ;D hmu HAHAHAHA
Rules:
1. You must be following me (@academiics). You can also check out my studygram! 2. Only reblogs are counted, likes are bookmarks.
3. Participants should be comfortable with giving out their addresses since Iāll be mailing to the winners! (But if youāre in Singapore, a meetup is possible)
4. Winners will have to respond within 24 hours or new ones will be picked!
Closing date: 21 Feb 2017 2359 UTC +8 / SGT
Announcing date: 24 Feb 2017
doodled my neighbours garden
a study. ;D
done in Paint Tool Sai
rest and disappear between the seams
shoutout to all high school dropouts, students who didnāt get accepted into college, students who used to be on honor roll but became overwhelmed, students who study for hours but still fail tests, or student who donāt study at all due to depression/anxiety, you are all stars and Iām wishing y'all the best luck possible to get back on your feet
ITāS CALLED ART MOM.