anything you can do,

i can do better Entj 3w3

[nataliaasefi]

i just launched my first substack post ever!!! if you’re interested in personal essays, media reviews, and maybe a little bit of poetry…you should click the link!! appreciate it!

natalia’s secret | Substack

i am always accepting criticism and i am always trying to be better. Click to read natalia’s secret, a Substack publication. Launched 34 min

https://nataliaasefi.substack.com

[velvetcher]

R U Mine? · Jude Bellingham x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: Smut & Fluff, Secret Relationship, Angst, Established Relationship, Possessive Behavior, Public Sex, Oral Sex (M Receiving), Unprotected Sex, Soft Dom!Jude, Size Difference, World Cup, Protective!Jude, Jealousy, Bathroom Sex and Minors DNI.

Summary: Between having a double life as the England national team captain's sister and secretly dating Jude Bellingham — maybe the hardest part is getting your boyfriend to keep his hands off your body. You'll also find out that a jealous Jude is the worst thing you can deal with.

THE BRITISH CROWD ROARED loudly as the scoreboard showed the final stoppage time that would lead to the national team's victory. The Hard Rock Stadium in Miami was packed and divided between the English and the Norwegians. You were seated in the VIP area reserved for family and friends of the team, wearing the white and red shirt with your older brother's name on it — even though, secretly, your desires were to be wearing one with Jude Bellingham's name.

The two decisive goals were scored by the Real Madrid midfielder. You knew he was happy in the way he looked for you in the crowd when he scored for the team. Then, after minutes of the sport's welcome tension, the English team was in the World Cup semifinals. You were pulled into a hug by Katie Goodland, with Henry, your youngest nephew, in her arms, standing between the two of you.

"I can't believe we're in the semifinals." She said, jumping beside you, making you laugh and follow along. You knew how much Kane had waited, and you were so confident; the country had been waiting for this since the 1960s. Finally, they were so close.

"We're so close, I feel like this time we're going to make it." Your voice came out affirming, after you both let go and watched the team gather in the middle of the pitch. "Come on, kids? Your dad is amazing." You said, looking at your nieces and nephews, Ivy, Vivienne, Louis, and Henry, who were jumping excitedly along with the crowd, clapping.

"It seems like not just him. There was a midfielder who couldn't take his eyes off you when he scored the goals." Katie said, quietly, teasing you while you felt your cheeks blush, looking around to see if anyone else had heard. But everyone was too absorbed by the nostalgic feeling of that historic moment.

"Keep your voice down, someone might hear, Kate." You said, making her roll her eyes playfully. The relationship between you and Jude was recent, and you knew your brother Harry was overprotective, especially when it came to you dating a footballer as famous as Bellingham.

You felt you needed more time to prepare your brother for the news, especially since you were the youngest of the Kane family. It was something that constantly occupied your thoughts: when would you be ready to have that conversation? You knew Jude was growing more impatient, but he still allowed you this time because he knew how massive the media could be and how important your brother was in your life.

"Compared to how he stared at you yesterday during the interview, my comment is nothing." The striker's wife said, as she handed the youngest son to you to give her hand to the other children, like the loving mother she was. The passage for family members was opening.

"I've already talked to him about it, but it doesn't help much." You replied, holding Henry firmly in your arms as the child started playing with your hair, while you both began to move toward the stadium pitch.

"I'm going to have to side with him this time, dear." Katie said, turning back and winking at you. "You have a man who loves you, I can't be against him on that." She answered the question in your eyes. You felt embarrassed by her words, but you knew they were true. Every second by Jude Bellingham's side was nothing short of perfect.

You stayed silent after that as you walked, being careful with the children on the stadium steps. The weather was hot and humid in Miami. The pitch was full of journalists walking around and preparing interviews with the players. You walked together, soon finding your brother coming toward you.

Harry approached, picking up Vivienne in his arms and giving a kiss to each of the children, giving you a hug as the youngest sister and then giving his wife a sweet kiss, pulling her into a hug right after. You loved seeing them together, how caring and loving they were with each other, the way they made each other happy.

"You were great, darling." Katie said, as Kane gave her a sweet kiss. You loved seeing them together, how caring and loving they were with each other.

"Thank you, my love." He replied. Then, playfully, you made a sound with your throat to get their attention, since they were lost in each other's world, making your brother and sister-in-law look at you.

"I think we need to give your parents a break, kids." You said dramatically, receiving a joint eye roll from the couple. It was just a sweet teasing you had with your older brother.

"I love having all of you here with me." Kane said, giving you a hug, one of those typical of a protective older brother. You were close, even though he was years older than you.

"You were amazing on that last pass in the first half." You replied excitedly, as you began talking about the match with the couple, while the children played around, with Henry still in your arms, lying on your shoulder, falling asleep even with the noise.

"I feel like it was a good match for our team, especially, but just the way Jude found ways to score both goals was incredible." Bellingham's name was said calmly by your brother, in an unpretentious way, as if it didn't affect you. Of course you would notice the spectacular way your boyfriend participated. Your sister-in-law looking at you with those attentive eyes of someone who knew too much.

"Bellingham was great, wasn't he, dear?" She asked directly to you, the situation making you look at Henry in your arms, distracting yourself while feeling the gazes of both. But the words didn't need to be said before you heard that strong voice that brought butterflies to your stomach, in the way only one man could cause — your midfielder.

"Captain, are you going to the celebration today?" Bellingham's voice arrived, speaking directly to your brother playfully with the title Harry had earned in the match, but you felt the impact of that tone. "Excuse me, ladies." You heard him greet you, feeling the urge to look at him, but you forced yourself to keep your attention on your nephew who was sleeping peacefully in your arms.

"Of course, we're all going." Kane said, looking at Jude in response, while Katie looked between the two of you. "We just need to put the kids to rest, Henry is already in dreamland." He said, pointing to the boy you were holding firmly in your arms. Your hands were sweating slightly because of the attention; you knew that if you looked at him, you might reveal more than you wanted, more than you should, at least for now.

"Looks like we have a tired little one." Jude said, approaching you, feeling his steps closing the distance between you, that sensation of knowing his gaze was on you, watching and searching. "Aren't you going to look at me, darling?" You heard the whisper, making you look to see if your brother had heard, but Harry was already distracted with the children and Katie. You knew Bellingham had that provocative smile on his lips, the one that made you want to blush, but also to seek them with yours in search of his taste.

"We've already talked about this, Jude, nothing near Harry." You said quietly, finally lifting your gaze to your man. You tried to stay strong, but the intense way he looked at you was so burning that it completely threw you off balance, those dark penetrating eyes that took your breath away and took you to another world, one that was only his and yours.

"Don't be like that." He said, turning to stand beside you, so that Kane would be facing Harry and Katie, who were starting to talk to some journalists who had approached, while you watched the children playing around. "I'm trying, it's not my fault you're so..." The midfielder leaned a little closer to your ear discreetly so it wouldn't be too much and draw unnecessary attention from those present. "Delicious in that shirt, too bad it's not my name on the back." You looked at him this time, feeling the intensity of that gaze. You wanted to look at him with reproach for his behavior, but you knew he really was trying, at least a little.

"Just for now, love." You replied, whispering the endearment knowing it was risky, especially that Kane would find out through the press and not from you, but the way he looked at you left you no way out of the feelings you had. "Later I'll be beautiful for you, but keep your hands to yourself at the celebration." Then you winked provocatively, letting out the comfort he caused you, the feeling that you could be yourself with Jude.

"I don't promise anything." The Real Madrid player said, making you roll your eyes in response, knowing that would clearly be his answer.

"Jude..." You called Bellingham's attention, seeing him cross his arms without looking at you, avoiding your inquisitive eyes on him. "Jude Victor William Bellingham." Your voice saying his full name made him straighten his posture, knowing there was no more choice.

"I'll try, okay?" The English national team player replied, finally looking at you. You sighed in response, knowing that was all you would get from him. You hoped it would be enough.

"Say you'll try." You ordered, seeing him look away again, but sigh and answer you with a nod.

"Okay, Miss Kane, I'll try to keep my hands to myself." Jude said, joking with the way he said it. You hoped that would be enough, so you nodded, seeing Jude's name being called by the press, even though you wished it could all be kept secret, at least for now.

You loved having him around, the way his protective presence hovered and made you feel like never before. Seeing him leave was always disheartening, but you understood what his profession demanded.

You heard him sigh, knowing he had to go. "See you later, baby." Then, lovingly, you saw the tall man lean in a little closer, looking between you and your nephew in your arms. "You have a way with kids, darling. It's going to be beautiful when they're ours." He winked, and you felt your face blush again. You tried to open your lips looking for words to answer, but he smiled provocatively again.

He knew he had left you disconcerted, with the prospect of the future, the one you dreamed of one day with him, but which the midfielder had finally said to you. He withdrew, and then your brother returned with Katie. Even when you no longer felt Henry in your arms, you couldn't stop thinking about Jude's words, with the prospect of the future and not being sure he could keep his hands to himself.

THE INTERCONTINENTAL IN MIAMI welcomed the English national team's celebration and their families with open arms. The atmosphere was luxurious, but with chatter from what you could tell because of the players, all celebrating with champagne on the tables and being led by coach Tuchel and Declan Rice in an animated conversation.

You were wearing a burgundy strap dress with light fabric, the slit giving space for your legs to be free. You looked beautiful and shone in the middle of the place, like the chandeliers in the room, but that wasn't seen only by others, but by the way Jude Bellingham had watched you enter the hotel accompanied by your brother and sister-in-law.

The conversations dominated the tables, and the one you were seated at was shared with Harry, Katie, Anthony Gordon, and, of course, your secret boyfriend. Jude clearly finding a way to sit beside you. You felt your hands sweating, knowing the midfielder's restless behavior was suspicious.

"I'm happy about our last match, but I can't help feeling anxious about the next one." Harry Kane said, taking a few more sips of the red wine on the table. You knew why: your brother usually took all the responsibility on himself, even with the team's victories, he demanded more of himself and about not making mistakes.

"You take too much responsibility on yourself, darling." Katie's voice was directed at her husband, as she held his arm lovingly. You actively agreed with your sister-in-law's statement.

"You're a great captain, Kane. Relax and enjoy the celebration a little, we'll do well." Jude replied, taking the lead. He knew, being one of the main players, how difficult the responsibility was and how much was demanded of them, but panicking in advance would bring a rupture in the team's psychology before the match.

"You're right." Harry sighed in response, putting on a wide smile followed by a laugh right after. "With so much support like this, I think it's impossible not to feel motivated." He continued, giving his wife a sweet kiss right after, making you roll your eyes playfully and laugh along.

"I forgot how mushy you two were." You said, making everyone at the table laugh, but you knew Jude was thinking about how you were with each other when no one was watching.

"One day you'll be like that too." You heard your brother's voice reach you, making you almost choke on some of the champagne you were drinking at that moment. Everyone at the table staring at you made you feel your cheeks wanting to blush.

"Are you okay, dear?" Katie asked, concerned, but knowing exactly the reason Kane's words had affected you. It was possible to see almost a laugh in her eyes and caught on her lips.

"Sure she'll find out one day." Jude replied right after, feeling his hand find your thigh under the table in the slit of your dress, making you straighten your spine, going to meet his hand with yours so he wouldn't move it. Kane looked confused by the midfielder's words, perhaps not imagining you two were so close. Your brother looked at you right after, opening his lips as if wanting to say something, his gaze going to something suspicious for a minute, but he was interrupted by Tuchel approaching the table where you were.

"Don't forget not to drink too much for tomorrow's training, boys. Excuse me, ladies." Tuchel's drunken voice standing at the table where you were, clearly having drunk more than usual. You felt relieved for a moment until you felt Jude's hands moving on your thigh. Then you looked for the midfielder's gaze who had sat beside you.

Trying to hold his hand tighter and looking at him with reproach, he kept his face neutral, but that look was absurdly hot, and you felt at the same time the concern taking over your body, but the warmth in your stomach, that one from the nights you spent with him.

"Tuchel, I think you should sit down a bit, you've drunk too much for today, coach." Said the English national team striker, looking at the coach worriedly. Then he stood up, seeming to go accompany him to sit down a bit.

"I think I drank a little too much." The British coach said, almost stumbling for a moment, making Kane hold him quickly and decline Jude's help to take Tuchel somewhere else.

"It's okay, I'll be back soon, you can continue." Kane replied politely, as you watched him lead the coach to the hotel room where he was staying, until you heard yourself being called by Anthony Gordon, who was staring at you fixedly during dinner.

"You look very beautiful, Miss Kane." The English national team player said to you, making you feel Bellingham's grip become more present and firm on your thigh. You knew he wasn't liking the direction the conversation could take.

"Oh, thank you." You replied, a little embarrassed, seeing Katie watch everything as if it were an iconic scene, making you almost beg for help with your look.

"I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of talking to you." The English national team winger said, looking at you with a penetrating look that brought you concern. Fortunately, being interrupted by Katie, when you felt speechless because Bellingham's hand went up, going increasingly slower, reaching your panties. You felt warm, even though you knew it was wrong.

"Usually my sister-in-law doesn't go to the matches, she's very focused on her studies and ends up not having much time." Katie said, while Jude took the opportunity to bring his fingertips to your panties, trying to enter. You brought both hands under the table trying to hold him, but it seemed impossible at the same time to hold back the moan that wanted to escape your lips.

"Oh, I see." Gordon said, making Katie smile calmly and take a sip of wine to her lips. "But do you have a type?" The young player asked shyly, making Katie choke and you look up, feeling Bellingham's hand harden. You didn't know if you were relieved to be able to breathe for a minute or worried about what was to come.

"Definitely not you." Your man's voice came out firm and brutal, making Katie choke and you look at him astonished with wide eyes, while looking at Gordon, who turned red for a minute before looking confused between the two of you. You knew at that moment you needed to leave there and Jude at that exact moment, before anything else could be said.

You interrupted the deafening silence at the table: "Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom." Your voice came out shaky, managing to remove your boyfriend's hands from your legs, looking at him with reproach and a warning that he should follow you right after.

You knew he would understand. You didn't look at the table in shame of the situation, then calmly walked past the people present in the environment, greeting with a soft smile. The way to the restroom was quick; the place was empty. You were grateful, waiting a few minutes for Bellingham to come find you. The place was luxurious like the rest of the environment, spacious and with large stalls, a great place to have a discussion with your boyfriend, who couldn't keep his hands and words to himself.

Soon hearing your man's voice call you. "I think I overreacted, didn't I?" Jude said with a calm voice, when you turned to him, but you felt he was nervous, the way his hands were clenched into fists and his lips pressed together.

"You think, Jude?" Your voice came out exalted. "You did exactly the opposite of what I asked you to do." You said, moving nervously around the restroom. You knew anyone could walk in at any moment, but everyone was too busy at the party, and you needed to let the nervousness out of your body somehow, even if in attacking words.

"You can't think I could stay quiet watching someone hit on my girlfriend in front of me." Bellingham said, approaching you, his eyes catching fire in a mix of desperation and love. You understood him, but at the same time it had been your request.

"Do you think this has been easy for me too?" You said sincerely, the desperation showing in your tone. "I'm scared of what could happen, if in reality this between us isn't going to work out." Your words seemed to hit him deeply, making him take a step back, as if it were a slap in the face.

"So out of fear you'd rather leave what we have behind? Because it seems like what I'm doing isn't enough and wanting you isn't enough." The exchange of harsh words hit both of you. You fell silent, stunned. "I think it's better if we talk later, I'm leaving." Jude's words came out in a discouraged tone, as if he were lost in his own massive thoughts. "I think you need to spend some time alone to find out if I'm really who you want." You felt your heart shatter with the man's words.

You loved him, of course you did, but it was like a block because of everything around you. However, amidst all the doubts, the only certainty was that you couldn't let him go. You watched him turn to leave, but how could you allow it? How could you give up what you loved because of harsh words?

You quickly grabbed his hand, pulling him back. He looked at you confused, seeing you choke on your words, as if they were stuck. Then, when he turned again, you held him and managed to say this time: "Don't go, Jude... I want you like I've never wanted anyone in my life." You felt tears staining your face with your makeup slightly, but you couldn't care at that moment. All you couldn't do was let Jude Bellingham leave thinking he had no importance in your life. "I can't let you go... I never could." It seemed like the words were finally freed from you.

"I... Love." The midfielder replied caringly, holding your face in his strong hands, but with a gentle touch when he touched you, as if you were made of porcelain and would break at the slightest touch, drying your tears. "Fuck, I could never leave you, of course I could never give you up." Bellingham said, pulling you into an impactful and possessive kiss that dominated your senses. You felt nothing else but him, the touch on your back with affection, the hands going to your hair and the firm squeeze that went down to your bottom. You could only feel breathless, but wanting more of that man.

"Jude... I need you, now." You said, seeing him look at you seeking affirmation because of the place you were in, but you could only look at him breathless with eyes dark with desire, your lips becoming swollen by the way he had sucked them. You had never looked so sinful; you looked like a goddess, and he just wanted to worship you.

Jude moved quickly into one of the stalls. His eyes were quick to capture the name 13B; you laughed, thinking they should be careful with it now. Your boyfriend looked at you confused for a moment. "I think it's better if no one goes into this stall now." You said, seeing him smile maliciously, locking the door behind him, and then pulled him into a hot kiss, your lips being dominated by him, as the player took control after you surrendered in a battle of tongues.

"I think you deserve a reward for your effort, even if it was unsuccessful." You said, giving him small kisses as you watched him lower his lips down your neck. Then you knelt carefully, grateful the stall was larger than normal and the place was absurdly clean, but you wanted so much to feel your man. You watched the player unbutton his pants and lower his formal clothes along with his white boxers.

He had never looked so delicious. You saw him with his member already hard in front of you, that massive size that made you squeeze your thighs together, trying to stop the throbbing desire between them. You needed him all over you. You took it with your hands, masturbating in a firm grip the way you knew he liked, determined to run your tongue a little over the tip that was already starting to release a little pre-cum.

"Fuck, love, I need..." You watched him throw his head back and let out a masculine but needy sound. You knew he needed it, so you smiled, putting the thick cock inside your mouth, sucking the head of his member and masturbating him with what you couldn't fit in your mouth. You knew he was holding back from thrusting into your throat, but you brought his hand to your hair, grateful it was loose and not in an elaborate hairstyle that would cause problems when you returned to the party.

You knew exactly when Bellingham lost control: his left hand going to your hair as you relaxed your throat, knowing he needed depth. He thrust back and forth, letting your throat be used by him, for what he needed, careful with your teeth as he sought his orgasm more and more. But then you felt him stop. You knew he needed you, your folds around him.

"I need you now." He said, making you stand up and let out a little squeal. "I need to come inside you." His voice came out rough, like you'd never seen before, as if he didn't have a single ounce of control left, as if he needed you in all of him and to give you everything he had.

He pulled your panties down under your dress while lifting you with that massive strength of that delicious body. You sought his lips as your legs intertwined around his waist. Jude pressed you against the stall wall, while bringing his fingers to your entrance, making you moan in a needy way, feeling your folds squeeze Jude's fingers. "Jude, please." Your voice came out breathless as you placed your face in the hollow of the Real Madrid player's neck, trying to muffle the sounds.

You felt him begin to move his fingers, opening you, hitting that spot that made you want to feel him deeper and deeper inside you, but you needed more, something bigger, thicker. Something that would hit you completely and make you become just clay in his hands, just a mass he could move and make release the most delicious sounds.

You felt him remove his fingers from inside you and watched him bring them to his lips, opening them and licking them in front of you. "Fuck, your taste is delicious." His voice came out rough with desire, as his darkened eyes brought his hands to your waist completely and aligned his cock at your needy entrance, teasing you, making you moan. Until he, in a firm thrust, penetrated your body while going all the way, making you throw your head back.

His lips sought yours in a battle of tongues that involved saliva, both of you destroyed by each other, while you brought your hands inside his shirt, your nails scratching his broad and muscular back, thanking football for giving that god-like body to your boyfriend. He thrust firmly, hitting the exact point of your desire, finding the place that made you let out the loudest and most delicious sounds, the one that made your folds squeeze his cock inside you while he held back the sounds.

The sound of the restroom door opening made you squeeze Jude's member inside you and kiss him to muffle the sound in second. Someone had entered. You looked at him alarmed, seeing him look at you maliciously as you began to deny, knowing he wanted to keep moving. "Don't even think about it." You said, whispering, seeing him nod and then start moving slowly, while you threw your head back, bringing your hands to your lips, trying to lock in the moan. The person who had come was quick.

The sound of the door closing right after made you almost sigh in relief, if it weren't for him moving without rhythm. Your orgasm was approaching, and you knew it; he could also feel you tightening around him more and more. Then, with a sensation reaching your stomach and your body tingling with the pleasurable feeling of completeness, your orgasm hit you, followed by him, who filled you. You worried about the condom for a moment, but your medication was up to date since you started dating Jude. You just allowed yourself to feel him fill you with his release.

"Fuck... I can't live without you, girl." He said, pulling you into a breathless kiss. You felt your heart warm with the feeling of love, with the feeling that you were with the man who gave you protection and everything you needed. You knew exactly what needed to be done.

"Jude... Let's tell Harry." You said, as you felt the gentle kisses being left on your shoulder, before he stopped and looked for your gaze.

"Are you sure?" He asked, worried, but the joy showing in his eyes, as if it was all he needed to hear, as if relief took over his body. He hugged you firmly.

"I'll always be sure of you, Jude. Always." He took your lips again. You loved him, the man he was and how he made you feel. The protective arms around you, being your home, the kisses on your skin being your path. Everything began with you and would end with you, a life with him without being double. In the end, no matter how many lives you had, all of them would lead to him.

Hello angels, I'm bringing you another fic of our dear Golden boy, Jude Bellingham. A lot of you asked me for another one-shot of him so I decided to write it, I hope you like it.

I'm still numb from the World Cup and a bit sad because I won't get to watch my men anymore (especially Haaland, Bellingham, and Declan Rice), but I'll keep following the other tournaments (yes, I'm obsessed).

And don't worry — we’ll have something about Haaland coming soon if all goes well. My Man gives me so much inspiration, I already feel like it’s my duty to feed the fandom.

I finished writing this while dealing with a headache so please forgive me if anything is off, I did my best.

Requests are open and I’d appreciate it if you leave feedback and like, I love hearing your opinions.

See you next time guys, there’s more coming and if you want more of Jude, just say so.

[nataliaasefi]

h o l y m o l y

KUDOS!!!!!!!!!!

[nataliaasefi]

grief (and all of its inconveniences') feels silly

on an unexpected low-functioning holiday ssn and spring semester

[hystericalend]

was talking with a friend abt weak hero and we birthed a semi-joking hc that juntae is really into bl and yaoi and how maybe he brings some mangas to the hospital for suho as an effort to bond..... and maybe one of his bl mangas was accidentally left in the pile.... and maybe suho is intrigued by the cover that looks nothing like all the other manga juntae brought him so he picks it up and-

warning. this got way too long. read at your own risk

SO we know juntae's friend group before sieun was all the anime losers so it's not too far of a stretch to assume that he's also into anime and manga and probably has since he was a kid, and when he was 12 or something he accidentally stumbled across a bl manga not knowing what it was. at first he was freaked out bc ?? why are these boys kissing. why are these boys- woah, hey wait. hey wait a second. why am i feeling things. why do i like this.

and boom, juntae the fudanshi is born.

fun. fun. but going deeper, bl manga also being the catalyst for him realising he's gay. he starts buying his favourites and soon has a huge bl manga collection that is actually super meaningful to him because it's his outlet for his queerness that he doesn't get to express elsewhere. and yes he loves baku and gotak and sieun and YES he feels entirely safe with them, but baku and gotak are wrestling each other dudebro straight boys and sieun is emotionally unavailable 99% of the time so even tho he trusts them entirely, he's not sure he's ready to tell them he likes to read abt boys kissing. (and that he'd like to kiss boys too, if any boys were up for it.)

so anyway, he's happily gay and in the closet reading his yaoi, living life, and then everything changes when sieun's friend wakes up.

it's mind boggling to him when he meets the boy in wheelchair, to see with his own eyes the boy they've only heard about in quiet, solemn snatches. he's alive. and holy shit sieun is crying?? oh my god sieun is SMILING???

it takes a while for him to get to know ahn suho properly. the eunjang boys have seen throughout their friendship with sieun how important suho is to him, and think it's probably best if they have their space. they have it for a while, but then a few weeks after suho wakes up sieun tells them suho wants to get to know his friends, so they all nervously crowd into ahn suho's hospital room and introduce themselves.

ahn suho is pale, thin, and looks perpetually tired, but he's alive and he smiles when juntae introduces himself, and juntae's heart aches.

they start accompanying sieun to his suho visits, sometimes all together, sometimes one at a time, and slowly they get to know suho better. one day, it's just sieun and juntae, and while they're sitting with suho talking sieun stands up and says he's going to get them something to eat. juntae immediately panics bc fuck he's never been left alone with suho before?? what if he says something weird?? what if something goes wrong?? but before he can protest sieun has already left the room and it's just the two of them

in an effort to make things less awkward juntae is like, so... how have things been.... and suho immediately goes fucking BORING that's how. and juntae is like ahhhh yeah i can't imagine there's much to do here..

cue suho ranting abt being super bored now that he's gotten so much better and is conscious all day, having nothing to do in between physical therapy. juntae nods along being the empathetic listener he is until he is goes hey maybe i could bring you something? do you like manga?

and suho is like hell yeah i like manga. you got any slam dunk? and even tho his reading taste leans more towards suckin and fuckin than dribbling a ball juntae does have some sports manga sitting at home that gotak lent him so he's like yea! i'll bring it to you

juntae being juntae he doesn't waste time and he's at suho's hospital room the next day with a bag full of mangas like!! hello!! i can't stay but here's the manga you asked for :)) and suho is like damn that was quick thanks juntae.

juntae isn't there when suho goes through what he brought him, finding one manga that doesn't look like it has much to do with sports.

baku and gotak are busy with basketball practice, so the next visit is just juntae and sieun again. the minute they get there suho immediately starts complaining about how he's starving and goes sieun-ah, can you get me some food? plsplssplps. juntae has seen sieun subjected to similar teasing from baku with a 0% success rate, but as he watches sieun is up out of his seat and heading to the cafeteria without another word.

as soon as the door shuts suho turns to juntae with a grave expression on his face.

suho: juntae... i read your manga

juntae: oh!! which ones? did you like them? :D

suho, dramatically pulling the bl manga out of his hospital gown: this one

obviously juntae freaks out immediately and tries to think of an excuse like OMG GDSKJGHDSKG AHH ACTUALLY THAT'S MY SISTER'S I DONT KNOW HOW THAT GOT IN THERE AHAHHA SORRY THAT'S SO AWKWARD but then suho just looks at him dead in the eyes and is like.. can u get me more

and that's how juntae discovers that ahn suho is gay as fuck.

before they can have any real conversation abt it sieun walks in and they both go suspiciously quiet, suho all like ah! sieun-ah! you're back! (not subtle at all) but sieun is sieun so he doesn't press them and they start eating what he got from the cafeteria and talking normally.

the next day, juntae goes to the hospital again. alone.

juntae, slamming open the door to suho's hospital room: U WANT MORE BL??

suho: yea

juntae: WHY???

suho: cause i'm gay

juntae: UR GAY????

suho: yuh

juntae: ME TOO!!!!!

suho: ayo no way!

juntae: YEA :D

suho: :DD did u bring more of that manga with dudes kissing tho

juntae did, in fact, bring more.

like yes this is lowkey a crack hc but it's so cute to imagine juntae and suho having this secret friendship founded on their bl manga book club. juntae being busy with school so they exchange numbers so suho can text him live commentary as he reads and juntae will get texts from him throughout the day like "ayo this shit is fire" and "THEY HELD HANDS" .. and its mostly all fun but as they text more they actually get? super close?? and bc i personally hc suho as knowing he was gay since he was pretty young but not rlly telling anyone its super sweet to imagine him and juntae both finding their first queer friend in each other? like finally having someone to talk to abt stuff like when they first discovered they liked boys, crushes growing up n all that stuff.

juntae admits that suho is the first person he's ever come out to and that nobody else knows he's gay not even sieun and suho tells him that sieun doesn't know he's gay either and juntae is like?? how?? i feel like you guys know everything about eachother and suho is like well yeah it's awkward cause i feel like if i tell him i'm gay i also have to tell him i'm in love with him yk and juntae is like.. you what now..

bc like. he knew. he's not fucking blind, he KNEW there was something queer going on between those two but to have it confirmed so bluntly makes his brain short circuit a little and he immediately goes??? oh my god you have to tell him?? but suho is like ahhh it's complicated... and juntae is like?? HOW?? he literally waited for TWO YEARS for u suho he definitely loves you.. and suho hasn't told anyone this, but as silly as it sounds he's genuinely gotten really close to juntae through the little gay book club thing they have going on that he feels like he can really open up to juntae so he ends up sharing his insecurites abt his condition and still being in the hospital and not wanting to make a move or start something when he's still healing. and juntae is super accepting but assures him that the minute he's ready, sieun will be waiting for him. there's no doubt in his mind that sieun loves him back.

JUST LIKE!! everyone always goes on about suho x baku besties post coma suho x gotak besties but am i crazy if i say i think suho's taste in friends is the quiet ones? like if we look at beomseok and sieun as a pattern i genuinely think juntae would be the one suho would be the closest to among eunjangz aside from sieun, especially if you're like me and look at that connection through a lense of queer solidarity.

AND HOW CUTE IS THAT!! suho and juntae becoming extremely close in private until it inevitably shows outwardly and baku gotak and sieun being absolutely baffled by it?? juntae accidentally dropping in conversation "oh suho told me..." "suho sent me this...." and sieun being like?? since when did you have his number??

and it's so funny to picture sieun being maybe a little bit jealous of their connection bc?? what do they even talk about? how did they get so close?? and trying to be subtle and Not Affected he mentions it to juntae one day offhand like "so how did you and suho get close?" and juntae isnt about to out both of them by saying "he read my bl manga" so he's just like oh you know, we talked. and sieun externally is like, ok cool, but internally just screaming WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU TALK ABT???

(you, sieun. they talk about how suho is in love with you.)

idk, this is a mess. i just think that juntae and suho would be bestfriends and not enough people are talking abt it. if you made it this far you get a cookie (ily)

[nataliaasefi]

this is so beautiful to me

[sjweminem]

folks makin those PSA posts against shipping real life celebrities treat rpf like it kills them and im like if pete wentz gets distressed when i post about him getting blasted in the ass he can go look at his bank account to feel better

[eunjangwannabe]

Gotak: You eat so fucking gross, Baku. Do you eat like that on dates?

Baku: …I don’t go on dates.

Gotak: Exactly. There’s a reason why.

Baku: Damn, who hurt you today?!

Gotak, who just learned that Juntae would be hanging out with his anime friends today: Nobody, mind your business.

[yeon-grayism]

at least they are supportive

[shock]

accepting that you’re objectively weird & owning it is infinitely better than being constantly desperate to appear normal to people who don’t even matter to you

[eunjangwannabe]

Sieun: I admire you, Baku.

Baku: Really, why?

Sieun: You’re happy with who you are. You don’t get jealous of other people. Instead of being weighed down by ambition, you just float along like a dead body in a river.

Baku, pained: I couldn’t just take the compliment. I had to ask why.

[zzzzzestforlife]

The Ultimate Studyblr Playlist 🎶

Songs I've been listening to lately as recommended by the studyblrs who inspire me on the daily 💗 buuuuut I don't tell you the title of the song, just the vibes from the original studyblr's post 😇

Calm/Chill 🍃

fall jazz for government shutdown days from @tea-tuesday

listening to sad songs while happily eating gelato from @sunrisestudyblr

effective against crippling fear and undiagnosed insomnia from @studentbyday

rainy october mornings from @mochademic

crochet and disney at 3am from @larstudy

a good writer knows how to use this from @tea-tuesday

low quality aesthetic, high quality content from @studentbyday

Upbeat/Motivating 🌱

what a marvelous day to be alive from @girl-please-study

preppy student: jpop ver. from @isasarchives

pride and prejudice zombies from @luthiest

healing(?) kpop from @nelyastudies

for testing new headphones from @lupusmaxima

all's fair in love and panic from @frequently-studies

have your cake and eat it too from @nelyastudies

💌: If I've tagged you here and you would like me not to and/or if you'd like me to remove a song I've heard through your posts, please just message me and I'll do so, no questions asked 🙂

[lupusmaxima]

ahhhhh this is so cool!!! thanks for tagging me 🥺

please go listen to the entire 5sos5 album, it’s so good 🥰

[nataliaasefi]

for the upcoming fall semester ~!

[tokoyan]

- First date, Forever Memory.

pairing: baku x reader

Warning: none, just straight up fluff

word count: 1,150

a/n: the long waited part 2 is here (its been like 2 days). anyways hes so cute oml 😭<3

pt1 // pt2

You were waiting outside the café, phone in hand, calling him for the third time. No answer. A knot started forming in your stomach. You tried to stay calm, but the thought crept in "what if he stood me up?" No… Baku wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t.

What you didn’t know was that the night before, he was tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. He was so excited, he couldn’t stop imagining how beautiful you’d look, wondering what outfit you’d wear, what perfume you’d have on... "Okay, that’s enough" he told himself. He really needed to sleep.

But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t.

Right as you were about to call him a fourth time, you suddenly heard heavy panting and the rapid tapping of feet. Someone was running. You looked up, and there he was—Baku, sprinting toward you. You let out a deep sigh of relief, your heart easing as you realized he actually came.

He stopped in front of you, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

“I’m… so sorry,” he said between gasps. “I couldn’t sleep last night, but when I finally did… I woke up too late.” He wiped the sweat off his forehead before finally meeting your gaze.

Oh. My. God.

You looked stunning. He didn’t just think it—he said it outloud without even realizing.

You laughed softly and pulled him into a hug.

“You had me thinking you weren’t gonna show up” you said, giving him a slight pout.

“I’d rather get ambushed by 20 guys than miss our date,” he joked.

You playfully slapped his arm. “Baku, don’t say stuff like that.”

He grinned. “But it’s true.”

You rolled your eyes with a small smile, and the two of you walked into the café together.

Baku wasn’t the type to go to places like this. The polaroids on the wall, the cozy decorations, the people chatting quietly, the soft music playing—it was all too… calm. But he followed your lead as you walked to a table by the window.

Before you could even reach for the chair, he quickly slid it out for you.

“Thank you” you said, flashing him a smile as you sat down. He sat across from you, still looking a little unsure of what to do.

“So… do we just order now, or…?” he asked.

“If that’s what you want to do.”

“Oh, yeah… sure.”

A few seconds later, someone approached your table with a notepad.

“What will you guys be getting?”

“I’ll have an iced coffee,” you said, glancing at the menu.

You looked at Baku, waiting to hear his choice. He hadn’t tried any of these drinks before and didn’t want to seem clueless in front of you.

“Uh… I’ll have a black coffee.”

You raised your eyebrows slightly, surprised. The server wrote it down and walked away.

“A black coffee? Really?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, I just… didn’t think you were a black coffee kind of guy.”

Before you could say more, he cut in.

“Baku, we didn’t have to come to a café if you didn’t wan—”

“No, no. You wanted to, and I’ll always go where you want to go.” He crossed his arms.

You looked at him, speechless, before letting out a soft laugh.

“You’re so amazing.”

“And you’re the most beautiful girl on this planet,” he said smugly.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” you said, turning away with a grin.

Your drinks eventually arrived, and the two of you chatted as you sipped. He didn’t really like his black coffee, but he drank it anyway—not wanting to make a fuss or make you worry. Afterward, you both stepped out into the breeze, the sun shining gently above.

There wasn’t a specific destination—you just walked side by side, enjoying the peaceful scenery. For a while, neither of you spoke, taking in the calm.

Then you lightly brushed your fingers against his. He hadn’t held your hand earlier because he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. So, you took matters into your own hands—literally—and grabbed his hand, intertwining your fingers. He tensed up in surprise at first, then quickly relaxed.

“Baku…” you said softly, stopping in your tracks.

He turned to you. “Hmm? What is it?”

“Can we take a picture under that tree?” you asked, pointing to a beautiful sakura tree nearby.

“Whatever you ask for, you shall receive,” he joked, and you both walked over.

Standing under the tree, you pulled out your phone and tried to get the right selfie angle, but your arm was too short.

“Here, let me…” he said, taking the phone and stretching out his arm.

“Baku, we should pose.”

“What should we do?”

You held up a peace sign, and he did the same.

“One… two… three.” Click.

You took a few more photos together, playing around with different poses. Then, you tapped his shoulder.

“Baku…”

He looked at you, curious.

“You should take a picture of this.”

And just like that, you leaned in and kissed him. His eyes widened slightly, but then he melted into it. His arm still stretched out, he snapped a few photos—maybe too many—before turning off your phone and slipping it into his pocket so he could fully lean into the kiss.

You kissed under the beautiful tree, on a beautiful day.

And in that moment, Baku wouldn’t have wished for anything else. All he wanted was this—just you, just now.

[nataliaasefi]

this is so peak🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[pamouche]

Su-ho-ya. I’m sorry I forgot everything you taught me. How great it is to have friends. How nice it is to laugh. What you did for me, I want to try doing that for others.

WEAK HERO CLASS. SEASON 2

[leavemeuntold]

taking this opportunity to remind you all of the craziest moment of television ever

[starliteonearth]

A lot of people seem to think Sieun's and Suho's relationship is just sweet and lovey dovey and nice, and completely miss the darker, violent side of their connection. For hurting Sieun, Suho breaks Yeongbin's hand like nothing and sits there completely unbothered while that boy cries in pain at his feet. For hurting Suho, Sieun smashes Wooyoung's ankle with a dumbbell and leaves him screaming on the floor, utterly uncaring. Both are capable of great violence and are deeply obsessed with each other to the point of unleashing it on others with no fucks given.

[ashstfu]

i don’t think people understand how much of life is grief. not just people dying, but losing the version of yourself you thought you’d become. grieving the city you had to leave. the friends you lost not in argument, but in silence. the summer that will never come back. the feeling that maybe you peaked at 12 when you were reading books under the covers and believing in forever

[probuccalfat]

you can go back to the past but nobody’s there

[stuckinapril]

Goodnight

[nataliaasefi]

nothing is temporary and i will outlive it all