drop of rum on my tongue

nate blackwood. 31. coo of blackwood industries.

[nate-blackwood]

feidavenport​:

.

This was a nightmare. And Fei had had this nightmare, many times. The setting had been different in her dream - the house, at night, Fei creeping in after dark, Nate glaring from a chair, empty bottle of scotch in his hand. He never spoke the accusation aloud in the dream, but he didn’t have to. Like he didn’t have to now. It was in his eyes, like everything else always was. She wanted to be angry, to yell at him, because at least that would feel normal. But he didn’t deserve it, and even if he did, she has no strength for it now. Her heart was pounding, desperately trying to keep her alive, and the rest of her body was a blur because of it. So when she finally spoke, it was almost a whisper.

“I didn’t… I wasn’t trying to use anything against you. I just… I’ve been trying, too, Nate. The move, the… the fucking bookshelf, that’s me trying… to make something with you. Something real, and strong, because I loved you, and I wanted that for us. I wanted us to be happy, Nate. We were happy, once. I wanted us to try… to get back to that.”

Wanted. Loved. Past tense. Whatever pieces of her heart were left intact shattered at the sound of the words from her mouth. She’d been trying so hard to hold onto both Lachlan and Nate that she’d been ripping herself in half, and bringing them down with her. Maybe the only thing left to do now was let go. He all but shouted the accusation down the hallway, and Fei could see in her peripheral vision the stares from her new coworkers. But she had no room left to care. This dumb job at this stupid pretentious school were the last thing on her mind. She couldn’t take offense to the question. It was fair, and justified, and true. But the way he phrased it, like it was something dirty, made her stomach twist. 

Are you fucking him? 

She felt horrible for cheating on Nate. They fought all the time, but she’d never wanted to hurt him. Not really. Not in any way that would actually matter. But she had, and she knew that, and it haunted her.

But even with all of that tainting the memory of her night with Lachlan, she knew she couldn’t ever bring herself to regret it. It had been perfect, and beautiful, and she’d never felt so loved. She wasn’t fucking Lachlan, she was in love with him. She wanted to say that now, to finally speak it out loud, but it would only make things worse. She was walking the line here of too much truth vs. not enough; one tiny slip and she’d fall to her death.

So she nodded. She didn’t clarify that it was only once. That it was months ago. Because it didn’t matter. She’d lied, and concealed, and betrayed him, and clarification wouldn’t make that hurt less.

Trying desperately not to cry, her voice still broke as she said, “I’m sorry, Nate.”

@nate-blackwood . @lachlan-peters​

.

It was hard to hear her over the roaring in his ears, but he did. There was a painful sort of heat in his chest that threatened to crack him open. He felt sick. Looking at her made him feel sick. And then--

Loved.

It was like freshly sharpened blade-- one he hadn’t realized even had the power to cut him. He’d been stingy with his heart, had thrown up walls around it so that she’d never have the power he’d given Verity. Verity, who had shredded the fragile muscle with her own bare hands. His heart had been a wasteland when Fei wormed her way into it. 

He was only seeing now just how deeply her roots had grown.

Her nod had him rearing back as though he’d been slapped. Disgust burned to ash in his mouth and he found himself unable to grasp at a single thought. Things had never been great with Fei, he knew that. Maybe sometimes it was hard to even call it good. But he’d never been unfaithful. 

“Why?” He hadn’t even realized he’d spoken the question aloud, and wasn’t sure that he wanted an answer, anyway. But it circled around in his mind anyway. Why? Why was he not good enough? For his father? For Verity? For Fei? What was it about him that was so easy to write off? 

His hands balled into fists as he just looked at her, eyes dragging down a woman he’d shared his bed with only hours before. Who now looked like nothing but a stranger. He took a single step forward, eyes locked on hers. Gingerly, he reached out, his jaw clenching as he ran the back of his hand along her cheek. His voice was low, reverent, even as the words he spoke were coated in poison. Dropping his hand back to his side, he said, “I never want to fucking see you again.” @feidavenport​ @lachlan-peters​

[nate-blackwood]

feidavenport​:

lachlan-peters​:

**

The nerves in the pit of his stomach started to calm once she got talking, the warm familiarity between them enough to remind him he had no reason to be worried. This was Fei. It was them. They were, as he had thought so many times before, inevitable. Tonight was about giving her the fairytale she deserved - the perfect night that, god willing, they’d one day tell their children and their grandchildren about. It wasn’t a bad setting, he decided… 

Lachlan couldn’t stop his smile from quirking up involuntarily as she starting talking about work. He’d first fallen in love with her passion, after all, and would happily listen to every idea she’s ever had if it meant he got be to privy to that sparkle in her eyes. Would it be wrong to kiss her now? Before the heat of excitement reached her cheeks? So that he could be the one to put it there? She stopped herself before he could puzzle out the answer. 

A waiter walked by with champagne flutes, and Lachlan picked one up for himself as well before turning back to her. “To new beginnings,” he said, raising his glass for a toast. The butterflies were back, and he realized this was it - the moment he was waiting for. They’d clink, they’d drink, and in the entire room, there’d no one but them. ‘Speaking of new beginnings…’ 

He didn’t get that far. Because no sooner had he brought the glass to his lips, but someone else cut in. It happened in slow motion, like a car crash he couldn’t peel his eyes away from. At first he assumed it was a mistake - some guy too drunk to realize where he was. The hand was easy enough to dismiss, but then he leaned forward and… Lachlan felt the floor drop out beneath him. 

His face fell, a shock so overwhelming crashing into him he couldn’t hope to hide his expression, not even when the man unmistakably looked in his direction, pointed and possessive. All while his lips were locked with Fei’s. 

Lachlan felt physically ill. There was a pain in his chest he was sure was his heart literally breaking. He knew, even before the words came out of the man’s mouth. A numbing, shattering clarity swept over him. 

‘I’m Nate, Fei’s boyfriend.’ 

His eyes raced between the two of them, taking them in, every heart-aching detail he’d no doubt torture himself with later. He tried to look to Fei for answers, for some explanation that this was all a misunderstanding, but could only bare a couple seconds at a time, the sight of her enough to send another fissure of hurt down his crumbling composure. So instead he focused on Nate. 

The man cut an imposing figure, notably taller in a way that made Lachlan feel smaller than he already did. His easy manner and smug confidence reeked of privilege, as did his effortlessly elegant clothes, which made Lachlan feel completely underdressed in the blazer he’d bought at Macy’s. His hand was outstretched, but the gesture looked anything but friendly. 

In the end, Lachlan didn’t take the offer, sure that if he shifted his grip on the glass, it would shatter at his feet. He cleared his throat, blinked a couple times to collect himself, and managed all of a one-word answer: “Lachlan,” he replied, hoping against hope the name would ignite a flare of recognition in him. That his name might be enough to stand against what he’d just witnessed. 

@feidavenport​

Inevitable. It was the word that she’d always felt described everything about her and Lachlan. It had always seemed - no matter the obstacles - that the universe was conspiring to move them together and keep them there. Somehow, it would always be them, in the end. But the word was sour now. Bitter. It rose in her throat like bile, as its meaning shifted to something else - the consequences of what she’d done. No matter how far she ran, or how many lies she told, or how expertly she avoided the truth, it would always find her. This moment, this horrible, excruciating, terrifying moment… was inevitable. She wanted so badly to run. To just take off, and keep running, all the way to San Francisco, where she never should have left in the first place. She’d run straight to her dad, who would never say I told you so, even though he’d think it. But she was a grown up now. These were her consequences. The anger in Nate’s eyes now and the heartbreak in Lach’s were both hers to deal with now. She couldn’t speak or breathe or even blink just yet, but she did her best to telepathically tell Lachlan she was sorry, as she took Nate’s clenched fist in her small shaking hand. “Can I talk to you for a minute, please?” she asked Nate, her voice shaking along with the rest of her.  "Outside?“ She began walking toward the door they’d come in, not looking back, not sure she could physically handle seeing Lachlan in pain like that. It was selfish, but it was pretty established by now that that’s what she was. As soon as they were once again past the giant dice sculptures that guarded the door, she forced herself to look at Nate - however suspicious or angry or upset he was, she deserved to be punched in the gut by all of it.

“What… what are you doing here?”

@nate-blackwood​ 

.

When he-- Lachlan-- refused to shake his hand, it felt like all the confirmation Nate needed for a suspicion he hadn’t yet dared to give thought to. He felt like he might be sick, a fist-like vice grip on his insides surprising him as he dragged his attention away and cut his eyes to Fei.

Her shaking voice was the blade of a knife and his jaw clenched as possible scenarios to fill in this truth began to flood his mind. He let her question hang unanswered in the air for a moment as he just looked at her, searched her face for answers to questions unasked, searched for anything he could recognize, any bit of rope he could cling to that the conclusions he was beginning to draw were wildly unfounded. 

She gave him nothing. And that felt like everything.

Without a look back, he followed her, hands fisting at his sides because he felt like a scolded fucking puppy and for what? For trying to make an effort like she’d fucking demanded of him? That was really convenient, wasn’t it? 

Her words cleaved through the air and before he could stop himself, a dark chuckle escaped him. “What am I--? Are you fucking kidding me right now, Fei?” They were alone, save for some stragglers that he could see feet away, and he made no effort to lower his voice. Let them hear. Let them see her for what she was. “I’m doing what you wanted, Fei. I’m trying. I’m putting in an effort and all that other bullshit you tried to use against me.” His jaw worked as he looked her over, could physically see the guilt coming off her in waves, and before he could stop himself, the thought came unbidden to his mind and clawed its way up his throat. “Are you fucking him?”

@feidavenport​ @lachlan-peters​

[feidavenport]

lachlan-peters​:

**

This was it. Lachlan told himself that this was the night he and Fei would make things official. Wizard of Oz hadn’t exactly gone to plan - it was a fun night, sure, but a niece, nephew, and sister-in-law didn’t exactly make for the most romantic company. Sure, his stomach did stupid, silly flops as he watched her interact with Ava and Donovan, and Rebecca had ended the night with an approving nod and wink, but the timing hadn’t been right. But tonight… tonight he’d make his move. 

He couldn’t deny he was nervous, but he tried to channel all his energy into an excited flutter in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t need to worry, he reminded himself. She moved across the country for him… Their coworkers already assumed they were together, and Lachlan hadn’t done much to fight the assumption. When he’d showed up tonight without Fei on his arm, some even looked confused, but he shrugged it off with a simple explanation that she would be coming shortly. He hoped… 

He had managed to excuse himself from a conversation he was only half listening to, sneaking into the corner to try to text Fei to get an ETA. But almost as though the mere act of pulling his phone out of his pocket tugged at the psychic link between them, suddenly she was there, looking somehow more stunning than she had the day before. “You look incredible,” he said sincerely, a bit awed for a moment as he could take his eyes off her. But slowly, their surroundings seeped back in, and he took an obligatory look around again. “Yeah, crazy, right? Bit gaudy, but very on theme. I think they spent as much on decorations here as we had for our entire yearly sex ed budget in San Francisco…” 

@feidavenport or @nate-blackwood​ - whoever wants to take next! :) 

.

It may have been a reflection of the unnecessary amount of sequins on her dress, but something was making Lachlan’s eyes sparkle brighter than usual tonight. He was looking at her like she was a particularly breathtaking sunset, and she could feel her cheeks heating up from it. The last time he’d looked at her like that, she hadn’t been waring anything at all. …Best not to think about that right now though, in a room full of their coworkers.

She was vaguely aware of the other people in the room. vaguely aware that they were once again looking and whispering and wondering whether she and Lach were together. Only vaguely because people had always looked at them like that. Since the day they’d met, people had asked questions, and assumed things, and they’d always been wrong, or the answer had been no, we’re only friends… but now… He was still her best friend, sure. But it was getting impossible to pretend that was all he was.

“Right? Where does one even purchase a set of four-foot-tall dice?” she laughed. “Ugh. Tell me about it. I had to buy my own bananas for the condom demonstrations, and someone kept vandalizing my anonymous-questions box. I’m going to ask about doing that online here, I think.” Then she shook her head, “Okay no, I do not want to talk about work tonight. I -”

She was cut off by the sudden appearance of a bowtie-clad waiter with a tray of champagne glasses - one of which she gladly took. As he walked away, she said to Lachlan, “We really are not in Kansas anymore, huh?”

“Anyway,” she smiled, shaking her head. “How are you feeling? What’s been going on in your world? Tell me everything,” she said, trying to quiet her conscience when it reminded her she couldn’t do the same for him.

@lachlan-peters​ @nate-blackwood​

[nate-blackwood]

Nate hated shit like this. It was likely the reason why Fei hadn’t brought it up in the first place, and honestly? He’d almost been content to leave it at that. He could pretend he hadn’t seen the flyer, and if he never showed up, she wouldn’t have a reason to be angry at him for it. It sounded like a win/win.

But then it was her words that ping ponged around his head and refused to shut the fuck up. All she asked from him was that he try. Was it really such an inconvenience for him that she expected a little bit of effort? No. It wasn’t. And it never should have been. 

So that was why he’d found himself in a fitted black button down rolled up to the elbows and slacks-- fucking slacks-- as he made his way down the halls of the prep school. The place was stuffy, too full of itself in the way these kinds of places were and more times than he could count, he considered saying fuck it and just waiting for her at home. 

But he was trying. And that meant actually, well... trying.

Casino night was in full swing when he entered the auditorium and there was a tightness in his chest as his eyes swept the crowd. He’d never been a fan of crowds-- or people, really-- and this was no different. He felt out of place, several pairs of eyes meeting his as he searched for the only ones he’d recognize. 

And then he saw her.

Relief loosened the tightness in his chest as he began making his way across the room, his eyes locked on her until they moved to the person she was currently talking to. The tightness crept back in, his jaw working as some innate part of him seemed to view the scene as a threat. They were talking-- only talking-- but his hackles seemed to raise all the same. Long strides moved him closer and closer, but his eyes remained fixed on the way they watched each other. Had he ever seen her eyes look so bright? They sparkled beneath the lights, nearly blinding as he closed the distance. She hadn’t looked up, hadn’t even noticed him yet and something about that made his skin prickle with irritation. 

Sliding up beside them both, Nate slipped a hand over the small of Fei’s back, effectively cleaving between them and cutting off whatever conversation they’d just been having. He had only a moment to regret not listening in first before he leaned in to kiss her. It was quick but possessive, even in its chasteness. He squared his shoulders as he flicked his gaze over the man she’d been talking to, lingering there for a moment before a smile that did not at all reach his eyes stretched across his face and his eyes slid back to Fei. “Sorry I’m late.” His eyes hardened for a moment before the mask slid into place, some part of him shutting down against what he seemed to already know but refuse to acknowledge. “You look beautiful.” His eyes swept over her like a lover’s caress and he hoped the little fucker was watching. And understanding.

Nate pretended to suddenly remember himself and he shook his head apologetically, his grin too easy. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.” He held out a hand towards the man. “I’m Nate, Fei’s boyfriend. You’re a coworker, I assume?”

@feidavenport @lachlan-peters​

[lookoutforthelittleguy]

Matthew Daddario as Scooter Polarsky on Why Women Kill 2x01.

[nate-blackwood]

odettedupont​:

Odette waited patiently for him to process, already coming up with responses to any possible quips he might have. She was used to it, getting asked if she could ‘handle’ it when there wasn’t an older man around to talk shop with. Especially when she had made a name for herself as the party girl and the spoiled brat for years. But, it didn’t sting any less every time someone doubted her ability to handle a simple business meeting on her own. Even a fake one.  The accusations never came, Nate seeming to just accept the new situation. Though, she was sure it had thrown him through a loop. His eyes dropped down to the drink menu, and Odette followed his gaze. “Well, I can’t think of a better way to do business,” She agreed, with a smile. She had skimmed the menu briefly before Nate had arrived, figuring this was where the evening would be heading at some point. The only other thing that was missing was small talk. Odette rested her chin on her hand, already knowing she was sticking with white wine to keep herself from doing something stupid. “How have you been Nate? I haven’t seen you in so many years, I feel like some catching up is in order, too.”

.

Nate’s eyes traveled back to Odette more than once as he read the same line of text over and over again. He was harping on it, and he knew it, but did this mean that her father had nothing to do with the dealings at all? It was the question of whether or not his father knew that circled the drain of his mind, paranoia that this-- being caught off guard-- might be the thing that undid all of his hard work. Setting his menu down, he steepled his hands together on top of it, opening his mouth to speak when her question came. He sat back, his own question dying on his tongue as he scrambled to pull himself back together into the cool, calm, and collected businessman he was. Or... was trying to be. Maybe it was old insecurities that niggled at the back of his brain now, but he couldn’t help but wonder if she’d heard about him, about how he’d been involved in bribery and collusion within the company back home. And wondered, perhaps worst of all, if she, like everyone else, would so readily believe it. “I’ve been good. Busy. Still getting used to being on the opposite coast, but I think it might be growing on me.” It wasn’t. “What about you? Have you been charmed by small town living yet?”

[nate-blackwood]

feidavenport​:

.

This was becoming too much of a habit. Going out without her phone. Coming back after dark. Just to avoid an argument with the man she was supposed to love. The door clicked quietly behind Fei, and she listened for him, but heard nothing. She thought she saw him out of the corner of her eye as she passed the living room, but when she turned on the light, it wasn’t him… it was a bookshelf.

The thing was almost toppling over, but it was upright. It probably wouldn’t hold more than two books, but it was standing. It was almost right. Fei couldn’t help but smile in spite of herself. He’d tried. He’d failed pretty spectacularly, but he’d tried, and that was all she’d wanted.

She found her phone in the kitchen and used its light to guide her up to the bedroom. Nate wasn’t the lightest sleeper, but she figured it had probably taken him ages to put that bookshelf together - somewhat together - so he deserved the rest. She quietly brushed her teeth and slipped out of her clothes and settled in, trying not to wake him. But within moments his arms were around her.

This was what made it all worth it. The little moments where he tried. Where he pulled her close instead of pushing her away. Where his touch was gentle and his lips were soft and she felt safe and warm and almost loved. It was the good moments like this that made the guilt so much worse.

He apologized, and her heart melted, and she shifted to face him. Her hands cupped his face, thumbs grazing stubbly cheeks, and she looked at him like she’d never seen him before. “I’m sorry too,” she whispered. “…I saw the bookshelf. It’s… beautiful,” she said, biting her lip to try not to laugh. But the more she thought about it, she couldn’t help giggling. “So perfect,” she said. 

When she stopped laughing, she looked him in his beautiful sleepy eyes again, playing with his hair. “Thank you. It actually does mean a lot to me.”

.

A sleepy snort sounded from somewhere deep in his chest and his arms tightened around her as her hands slid into his air. “Looks just like the picture.” His eyes closed briefly as he reveled in the feel of those hands, goosebumps whispering over his skin at the contact. It was easier, somehow, to have these quiet, gentle moments in the dark. She’d always had an uncanny ability to see him and while it was probably the thing he’d fallen for first, it was now the thing that seemed to cause the most tension between them.

He wanted to blame it on the stress of the move, on having so much to prove to his father with every single move scrutinized under a fucking microscope, and hating how small and vulnerable that made him feel. And more than that, he hated that no matter how high he tried to build those walls back up, she still-- always-- had them in her back pocket. And he didn’t trust she wouldn’t use them as ammo.

But those were excuses. And in this moment, with his arms around her, and the darkness to ward off the doubts, he chose to bury his face in her neck instead, dragging his teeth along her collarbone. Smiling a little darkly against her skin despite the fact that he knew she couldn’t actually see it, he asked, “Truce?”

[nate-blackwood]

what parts do u think would be the same if you had a different upbringing? which parts would be different?

God, Nate would be an entirely different person if he'd had a different upbringing. Nate's always been a dreamer and something of an idealist, but he lived in a household that squashed anything that strayed outside of what was expected. Had he been loved and nurtured as he was, I think he could have been brilliant. Instead, he's got crippling insecurities and daddy issues and we love that for him.

[nate-blackwood]

[shadowhuntx-blog]

When someone talks shit about Malec ||

[nate-blackwood]

isabelusmani​:

-

“Considering the lease on that office isn’t up for a couple of months - no.” Isabel assumed Nate the type who possessed enough money to not even care to break a contract, but pay for an empty place. “Besides, your whereabouts aren’t of my concern, either.” She spoke bluntly. If she needed him, she’d call, but she did her best not to need him. 

A bit of relief washed over her when he agreed to stay. The excuse felt solid in her head, an easy way to explain why she was so late if someone… Haz.. asked. Isabel bothered herself worrying. She knew he wasn’t going to ask. A chuckle almost slipped through her lips, thinking about how pathetic hoping her husband wondered where she was sounded in her mind. 

Isabel looked up at his question. Her hand reached out for the glass as her brow furrowed. He surprised her by even asked a question, let alone that one. 

“I don’t, exactly.” She admitted, wondering how the next words would sound slipping from your lips. “I met him briefly, for what I imagine normal interviews don’t look like. More of a formality, I guess.” Her privilege began to drip in between each word. “My grandfather is a long time friend, to answer your question.” Isabel hated how the question couldn’t be answered simply. She liked brevity and the ability to be concise. “He kind of seems..” Isabel stopped herself, realizing the man standing in front of her was not only her boss, but Mr. Blackwood’s son. 

.

Nate’s brows rose in a sign of concession. She was right, anyway. He was the boss, he called the shots. What he wanted was what he got. Despite the enormous pressure that presented him with-- his need to please his father and prove that he could do this-- he still wanted this to be something of a group effort. He wanted the people that worked under him to feel valued and important, wanted to make the business flourish in a way he really believed he could. So, he simply lifted his glass in acknowledgement of her words and threw back the rest of the amber liquid with a single swallow.

The glass clinked delicately against the wood counter as he settled back and watched her face as she spoke. It would do him well to remember that he needed to be on guard, especially around someone who knew his father. He nodded along as she spoke, lips pressing together in thought. --Until she cut herself off and his attention peaked, eyebrow raised as he waited for her to continue. She didn’t. A smirk danced up one corner of his mouth. “He kind of seems... what?” he prompted.

[gangsters-wife]

the sexual tension between me and self-destruction

[mynameiseosson]

[serratedpens]

[holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe]

Riding the One-Eyed Ford, ‘Booze ‘N’ Loozing Blues,’ Diane Burns

[nate-blackwood]

Any regrets?

"Tons."

[nate-blackwood]

How's the love life Nate?

"This question just reminded me that I like the sound of my name better when it comes out as one of those breathy little moans. You know the kind, right? That answer your question?"

[nate-blackwood]

what have you learned from your past relationships?

"That no matter how much of yourself you give, it's never going to be enough. Self-preservation is what's most important."