thinking about the nate-serena-blair-dan love square again <3
rose-coloured goggles are a huge part of dan and serena’s relationship but not in the way serena thinks they are. like in the first episode, dan does have a rosy view of serena. but in episode two, that illusion is completely shattered (by blair) and it leads to their first major conflict. they do reconcile but when they do, dan’s rosy view of serena does not return. he does see her as an entire person flaws and all which can be seen in the photo shoot episode and the pool break-in episode. (he also does believe in the good in her which is why she loves him.) but serena doesn’t see him seeing her flaws. she’s still got this idea of. “dan puts me on a pedestal.” and i think it’s that (incorrect) belief that causers their breakup. the more questionable parts of serena’s past starts to haunt her and she lies to dan to stop him finding out. in her mind, he puts her on a pedestal so him seeing that she wasn’t perfect would make him leave. so she keeps secrets and she lies to him. and that’s what leads to their breakup, serena thinking that he puts her on a pedestal. and then there’s serena and so many people have said that she’s the one who puts dan on a pedestal and it’s like, yeah. she seems him in supposed to bes. like he was supposed to be different, he was supposed to be the one who saves her from the ues and this life that she doesn’t want, he was supposed to always love her and idealise her and see the best in her and yeah, put her on a pedestal. he was supposed to. and then there’s dan. i don’t think he puts on a pedestal in s1 but i think after their breakup, he puts on some rose-coloured goggles. i think he kind of starts to forget all the flaws in their relationship. like they gave their whole thing in s2, he almost buys that ticket to paris in s3, he gives her a ton of chances in s4ep12.
and then i think that dan’s relationship with blair and serena’s with nate are impacted by the dan&serena pedestal stuff in literal opposite ways.
like for serena, i just don’t think that nate and dan ever coexisted in her mind. i think her feelings for each of them are just completely separate entities kept in different boxes of her mind. i think when she was in love with one of them, her feelings for the other never really go away but she doesn’t consciously feel them either. like in s1 she is falling in love with dan but her feelings for nate didn’t disappear. she was hurt when he wouldn’t talk to her, she came as soon as he called when he needed her. but i don’t think she’s ever consciously recognising that she has feelings for him. and like, when she’s with dan i don’t think she thinks like i’m with dan now i can’t have feelings for nate. and when she’s with nate i don’t think she ever questions her relationship with dan. i think that when she was with one of them she just wasn’t thinking about the other. they were separate in her mind. her feelings for one were never impacted by her feelings for the other. similar in s3. like i don’t think serena was in love with dan at that point but i also don’t think that she had really let go of that notion dan was supposed to be the different one who saves her. and i think she was truly deeply in love with nate in s3. but again, i don’t think one of those things affects the other. dan and nate were just so separate in her mind. her ideals about dan was never even a factor in her love for nate or in her doubts about nate, it just wasn’t a factor at all in her relationship with nate. but it was still there. and i do think that even while serena’s married to dan, a part of her will always love nate and that part of her is unrelated to her marriage. like i just think that nate and dan were always completely separate in serena’s mind and i don’t think that whatever she felt for one was ever remotely impacted by what she felt for the other.
and then for dan, it’s literally all comes down to, “blair waldorf you have taught me how to live.” when dan falls in love with blair his life changes. the way he sees the world changed. his priorities shift. his perspective on love changes. and his picture of serena changes, the rosy view is gone. and it’s not because of some dramatic event between him and serena. it’s not because of anything between him and serena. it’s about the fact that everything has changed for him. he’s suddenly not pursuing serena anymore. and he’s honestly not doing much to protect their friendship or her feelings either. it’s never him who feels the need to explain him and blair (their friendship or relationship) to serena. she’s literally just not a priority for him anymore. i think dan’s feelings for serena moved away from being romantic at some point in s2 or very early s3. i think beyond that he’s clinging to an idea. and i think that his relationship with blair was just so real. and it was the reality of his relationship with blair that caused him to let go of the fantasy with serena.
and when dan lets go, serena is literally right where you left help i’m still at the restaurant. dan’s let go of this idealised version of them and their future but serena hasn’t. so much of serena believing that she can be a good person is tied up in the pedestal she believes that dan puts her on. the idea of her having a different life is tied to dan too. so when he leaves, she sees all that slip away. and this time, it feels permanent. this time it’s not them breaking up but still being in love. it’s dan making it clear that he’s choosing her best friend over her. he’s closing the door but to serena, it’s not just closing the door on their relationship, it’s the door on her being a good person and having a life different to her mother’s. so serena’s determined to not let him leave. he lets go but she’s not willing to.
dan also goes far in the opposite direction with serena. he goes from being unable to see any of her flaws to only seeing her flaws. and that’s how it gets to him writing horrible things about her in multiple places.
and then there’s nate and serena has always been his priority. he always chooses her and he always loves her. “you are the most beautiful, amazing, alive person i’ve ever known.” he sees her as beautiful but he never romanticises her. he’s seen her at her lowest moments. he knows her. the good and the bad. he loves her the way dan loves blair. seeing someone as beautiful and loving them not because they are perfect, you know they are not because you know them and you love them because you know them. also you are the most beautiful amazing alive person i’ve ever known vs blair waldorf you have taught me how to live.
also something about how serena says a part of me will always love nate but nate not being around to hear it. blair saying dan is my best friend when we’re together it feels great but dan not being there to hear it. serena and blair loving nate and dan the same way that nate and dan love serena and blair but nate and dan never hearing that they’re loved the same way they love.
and then of course, the key part of the square: blair and serena. like, in s1 (nate) and s4/5 (dan), nate and dan were clear on where they stood. they both cared about both blair and serena but they were also willing to chose serena (nate) and blair (dan). it was serena and blair that wouldn’t let that happen. serena pulled away from nate every time he showed her his feelings in s1. blair jumped into denial and explanations every time serena saw anything between her and dan. nate and dan might have been willing to chose serena over blair (nate) or blair over serena (dan), but blair and serena were never willing to choose dan and nate over each other.
but that’s to say that blair would never be with dan if it meant she would lose serena and serena would never be with nate if it meant she would lose blair. they’re both determined to not be the one who does the hurting but the second they get hurt they explode. they’re immediately willing to blow up their friendship. serena spends the entirety of s1 avoiding nate to convince blair that she loves her more than anything and that she never meant to hurt her. but in s4/s5 when serena finds out that blair’s with/friends with dan, she immediately takes that as a betrayal and ends their friendship in s4 and actively sabotages blair’s relationship in s5. and blair does the same thing in reverse. and i think it comes down to the one valid point chuck makes literally ever. serena and blair are perpetually fighting about who loves the other more. serena loves blair more than everything and serena knows that but she can’t see that blair loves her in the same way so when blair and dan become blair and dan, serena takes it as blair is as proof that blair doesn’t love serena as much as serena loves blair. and blair loves serena more than anything and she knows this but she can’t see serena’s love for her so when serena and nate sleep together blair takes it as proof that she loves serena more than serena loves her.
and of course there’s the fact that they both think the other is better than themselves. like for blair, it’s of course nate loves serena she’s everything i’m not and everything i’ve always wanted to be. and for serena it’s of course dan loves blair everyone always loves blair more nobody ever leaves blair.
and i think the blairenate triangle gave both blair and serena a few complexes. for serena it’s like blair has perfect grades and perfect parents and she’s going to yale and she has everything serena never will and that includes nate who blair’s been with forever and who blair’s going to marry and become part of blair’s perfect life and it’s going to be everything serena can never have because girls like her don’t get picture perfect lives and guys like nate they get left. and for blair it’s like blair tries so hard blair cares so much but serena then serena shows up late without a care in the world and everything blair’s been after her whole life falls into serena lap without serena putting in an ounce of effort or wanting it at all. blair tries so hard to be everything and serena is everything without trying at all. blair is never enough. she’s never enough for anyone. everyone always chooses serena including blair’s own mother. and now nate. he’s supposed to be blair’s boyfriend he’s supposed to love her but no matter how hard blair tries he will always love serena more. everyone will always love serena more. serena will always be more.
and i think that blair’s always haunted by the idea that people will always love serena more. including dan. nate dated blair but he always wanted serena more. and i think blair was terrified that that was true of dan too. that he’s always want serena more. and the thing is, literally everyone else including serena could see that blair’s it for dan. he fell in love with her and the rest of the world fell away. dan would never chose anyone over blair. but blair doesn’t see that she sees nate sleeping with her best friend. and blair loves dan soo much and that’s why the idea of him choosing serena terrifies her to the point where she returns to chuck who she knows would never choose serena.
and as for serena’s haunting, it shows up, again, with the blair and dan thing. good guys like nate in serena’s mind we’re always going to end up with good girls like blair. but then there was dan who was such a good guy and he truly believed that serena could be good. but then he falls in love with blair.
serena and blair love each other but they also represent the others deepest fears and they never forgive each other for that.
the ending of the square is truly depressing. blair leaves dan and he goes back to serena. but he never puts the rose-coloured glasses back on. he doesn’t stop seeing only serena’s flaws. he writes that terrible article about her. serena initially falls in love with dan because he saw the good in her. now she’s married to somebody who can’t see past her flaws and who loves her best friend more. blair leaves dan because she was afraid he’d always love her best friend more. nate has never loved anybody more than serena and he watched her married someone who does not love her most.
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