Bridge Burn.

N A T H A N | G A R R E T T — bartender & piano teacher — “I wish I could throw off the thoughts which poison my happiness. And yet I take a kind of pleasure in indulging them."

[nathangarrett]

beau-mccallum·:

Themoment Beau received the text from Nathan asking him to pick him up from theairport, he had been excited to see the man. Even though it had only been about a week since he saw Nathan last, hedesperately missed the man.  It wasstrange how accustomed he has become waking up with the man next to him mostmornings and how his routine now intertwined Nathan.  With his lover gone, nothing felt right andhe even found it difficult to sleep without Nathan next to him.

NervouslyBeau stood in a crowd holding a sign with the words Mr. Nathan in large letters.  Finally when his eyes caught sights of Nathan,his heart started to race.  As the brunetapproached him, he smiled widely and greeted him with his usual words.  “Mr. Nathan,” his blue eyes lingered alongthe man’s perfect body for a moment.  “Apleasure seeing you.”  Every part of Beauwanted to kiss the man, but he refrained scared it would be a tad much for theman who appeared to be exhausted.  “May Itake your luggage?”  Beau questioned,figuring the other male had a difficult time and could use a bit of rest.

Justas Beau was leading the two towards the parking lot in search of his truck, hisfree hand found its place at Nathan’s lower back.  “I swear I parked in this row.”  He stated as tried to find the vehicle.  After about ten minutes of searching, hefound it in the next row over and placed the luggage in the back.  With no one in sight, he softly smiled.  “I’ve miss you a lot,” he quietly stated ashe leaned in and softly kissed him before opening the door for him.  With both gathered in the truck, he turnedthe key to start the vehicle and turned towards Nathan.  “Where do you want to go?”

It was crazy to Nathan to think that he’d lucked out the way he had when he’d gone on his blind date with Beau. Never in his life had he imagined for this to become something so real and dear to him but as they got to know each other more and spent even more time around each other, he only seemed to discover things that only made him like Beau more and when Nathan spotted the sign Beau was holding, he couldn’t help but laugh to himself. It was so very typical of Beau and yet he loved seeing his sillier and nevertheless ever so charming side and he could feel himself rushing to get to the other man. He beamed and looked back at the blond, a wide grin settling on his lips at the familiar words coming from Beau’s lips. “Mr. Beau,” he teased, his blue eyes sparkling with happiness as he took the other in. “The pleasure’s all mine. I’ve been dying to see you again,” Nathan admitted, biting his lip as he suppressed the urge to leap forward, not wanting to overwhelm Beau. Sometimes it was easy for him to forget that Beau wasn’t technically out. But he also didn’t want to be the one to get him into a situation that he didn’t want to be in – at least he blamed Beau’s hesitation on that. Instead, Nathan reached out to give his arm a gentle squeeze, seeking out some kind of contact. “You don’t have to but if you wanna stick to your gentlemanly ways…I’m not gonna stop you,” he joked, thankful for how thoughtful Beau was.

He matched Beau’s pace as they walked, staying close to his side and he smiled when he felt Beau’s hand rest against his lower back. It was calming to have Beau there and he was glad that he was the first face he saw after returning from Ohio. “You forgot? Jeez, you’re not all that older than me but if that’s the first sign of aging I’m not looking forward to it,” he teased with a smirk but was quick to follow him to his truck. Nathan smiled softly at Beau’s words, his eyes finding the other man’s and he returned the kiss gently. “I missed you, too,” he admitted before getting into Beau’s car. “Have you eaten yet? I could go for a small bite and a coffee maybe. My treat? We could go to that place near my apartment?” Nathan suggested hopefully. “I’m still trying to process some of the stuff that went down this week so I can fill you in when we get there.”

[nathangarrett]

alexwilsxn·:

The storm that had hit Philadelphia soon after Alex had arrived felt like a lifetime ago, partly because so much had happened since. All the stuff that had happened with Cass, and Steve, and Cassidy made it hard for Alex to remember that the storm’s effects were still happening. Nathan and Cooper’s apartment building had been cleared safe for living once again, and the two had quickly moved back to their respective places. Alex missed having Nathan around to help, but Cass had perked up enough to start helping out a little more - not that she was the height of cheer by any matter of means, but Alex was going to take what he could get. After hearing that Nathan was going to have to move some of his furniture around to repaint some of the water damaged areas, Alex offered to come over and help him. They had spent most of the morning moving around furniture and getting everything prepared, and by now it was far time for a break. In order not to interrupt their work, they had ordered a pizza. Hearing the doorbell ring, Alex went to get the pizza and pay the delivery person. He brought the food back to the table and put a slice on a plate as he called to Nathan that the food was ready. On a usual work day he would’ve eaten a couple of hours ago, and he didn’t waste any time digging into the food. Alex looked to his friend as Nathan came in to eat. “Well, at least we made pretty good progress. Dunno about you, but I think we’ll be able to get everything done today,” he said. “You doing alright? Hope you’re not too worn out. I would like to think I’m not exactly weak, but moving furniture all day can tire out anyone.” @nathangarrett·

Nathan was more than happy to be able to be back in his own space. Most of the time he’d enjoyed staying at Cass’s guest house and at Beau’s place as much as he could but now that so much time had passed, Nathan realized just how exhausting it had been to not have a place of his own. He’d always needed a sense of solitude to help him recharge and not having the option to really be on his own if he chose to had slowly but surely started to drive him crazy. Now that he was back in his apartment though, he almost missed being around Alex and Cass as well – he’d gotten kind of used to helping out and staying there so he’d needed a few days to readjust.

While his place was almost back to normal again, there were still a few things that needed fixing and Nathan wanted to use the opportunity to attempt and make his place more than just a space he was staying it. He’d waited three years now to make this a home and as time progressed, Philadelphia had started to feel like it. Much to his surprise. He was thankful for Alex’s help and the newfound friendship between them. It was good to have more people he liked around and feel like he had a support system which wasn’t something he took for granted. He’d managed to live without one for years but knew that it didn’t have to be that way. It was time to break some habits. Having heard the doorbell, Nathan had rushed to get some last things done before he could settle with Alex to take a break. He brushed a hand through his hair to stop it from falling onto his forehead now that he’d broken a sweat from moving the furniture around and was quick to join his friend. “I didn’t think we’d get that far so quick but I got a pretty good feeling about it, too. Thanks again for doing this – it means a lot and as much as I hate to admit it but I definitely couldn’t have done all this by myself. Especially not in one day,” he told him genuinely. At his question, Nathan grinned and gave a nod. “Yeah, of course. I’m fine – better now that we got food,” he told him. “Oh, definitely…to be honest with you, I thought I was in much better shape but clearly I gotta get back into going to the gym or something,” he joked. “What about you though? Think we can pick things up where we left it at after our break?”

[nathangarrett]

hughclements·:

“That was part of the problem. I never wanted to be the only good thing in your life. I wanted to be one of the good things.” The pressure Hugh had felt to be perfect for Nathan for that exact reason had been awful. Hugh had loved Nathan, but he felt as if they needed to have a relationship that was never downhill, unable to talk about anything that might upset Nathan. He didn’t want their relationship to be one more bad thing. While he should’ve handled it better, Hugh was still barely an adult and didn’t know what else to do. In the end he broke Nathan’s heart anyway, and all the pressure Hugh had put on himself had been for naught. “I feel the same way. That I wish things could’ve gone down differently, that is. I’m really glad that you’re working on things. I can’t imagine it’s fun to not have some healthy outlet for your feelings.” Nathan’s unhealthy outlets had been the main reason for their breakup after all. Hugh couldn’t handle the way Nathan chose to deal with his feelings - the partying and the drinking. He couldn’t help but wonder what Nathan was like in the weeks directly after their split. Had he increased his unhealthy habits? Had he gone off and slept with other guys immediately? The gap between their break up and now was one huge gap that was a mystery Hugh didn’t think he’d ever find the answer to. Maybe he should just be happy that they were here in the current moment, and that Nathan was a healthier, more mature person and they were able to talk about what had happened. “Yeah. You’re right, but I guess it’s easier said than done.” For both of them, ten years had passed, in which they had no idea of the other’s whereabouts. Even if logically they knew the feelings they had weren’t getting them anywhere, it wasn’t like they could just magically poof them away. Hugh let out a small laugh and nodded. “You definitely don’t have to tell me. And it’s not like we ever spent time in Philadelphia together, only Dayton. Neither of us knew what had happened to the other person at all. It feels kind of weird to think that you’ve been in the city for three years and I never knew it, though.” If anything major had happened to Nathan, Hugh hopefully would’ve found out from his parents, but otherwise he hadn’t heard anything about his ex since Hugh had left New York.

Nathan bit his lip at Hugh’s words. They hit deep. Deeper than he’d ever know because as sad as it sounded, he had been the only good thing and the one constant in his life that he’d been holding on to. “Yeah…,” was all that Nathan could get out and he looked down at his feet for a moment, his steps slowing down as he took in a deep breath. He hadn’t been aware of just how much pressure he’d put on the other man, he’d been too caught up in the mess that had been his life and they’d been kids pretty much – young men on the road of self-discovery. He’d felt lost more often than not and he was positive that Hugh had, too. “I’d like to think we didn’t know any better. I’d never really been with anyone before you so…it was all trial and error for me,” Nathan admitted with a half-smile, sighing before he gave another nod. “I’ve dropped a lot of my unhealthy ones or a least cut them down. Most of the time I’m too busy anyways,” he told Hugh. For a moment he wondered what Hugh had been like after their breakup as well, not quite grasping in what way it could’ve affected him as well. Nathan nodded once more, looking back at the other male. “It’s definitely easier said than done, yeah…,” he said, the emotions from the past catching up with him but he tried to stay as collected as they had been for a while now. A small chuckle fell from Nathan’s lips. “It’s fucking crazy to think about! I mean, three years are a long time and I didn’t even mean to stick around here for that long but it’s like life wanted to give me a break and wait until I’m settled until it threw you my way,” he joked playfully, shaking his head. “God knows you could’ve been out of the country by now or anything and I wouldn’t have known. And as much as I cursed fate when you walked into my bar, I’m kinda glad it happened now. It’s good to finally talk this out.”

[nathangarrett]

For the past three years, Nathan hadn’t been too sure if he’d finally settled or if Philly could actually be a potential home for him. He’d never really felt that sense of belonging anywhere so when he’d moved there from New York, he hadn’t really planned on staying for long anyways. Now that he’d spent almost a week back in Ohio to see his estranged parents, he was surprised to find himself actually missing Philadelphia and the people he’d let into his life during the time he’d been there. At the same time though, he felt happy to return to a place he could indeed call his home now.

One of the most recent people he’d let in had stepped into his life so suddenly and yet they were the one he’d missed the most – he was thankful to have Beau waiting for him to pick him up when his plane landed and he couldn’t wait to see him again, especially now that his mind wasn’t so occupied with his mess of a family. The past few days had been draining to say the least but they’d also confirmed all of the things Nathan already knew. He’d never reconnect with his parents and he was coming to peace with that to a certain degree. It still hurt but now that he was older and a lot more reflected, he could pinpoint all the toxic traits they inherited and with his father slowly recovering, he couldn’t bring himself to feel bad for how he felt about them anymore but it almost felt like his trip had been nothing but a confirmation and a way to validate his emotions. Still, he was tired.

With his luggage securely in one hand and his phone in the other, Nathan’s eyes scanned his surroundings for a very familiar blond gentleman and they immediately lightened up when he spotted him, a wide, happy smile spreading across his lips. Giving a small wave to get his attention, Nathan was quick to put his phone back into his pocket to make his way over, his chest fluttering with excitement and the weight finally lifted from his shoulders so he could relish in the sensation.

@beau-mccallum​

[nathangarrett]

beau-mccallum‌:

nathangarrett‌

Nathan didn’t usually share a lot about himself, let alone his family situation but he trusted Beau at this point of – whatever it was that they were – and he put his trust into him to the point where he didn’t think he’d use this kind of information against him. Besides that, he valued Beau’s views and opinions and was thankful for the fact that he was willing to talk to him about this. He didn’t even necessarily need his input but an open ear was all he could ask for. It was draining for him to be talking about this and it weighed heavy on him so he appreciated it even more when Beau was quick to distract him with a soft kiss. “Are you trying to distract me from my heartache, Mr. Beau?” He rasped and nudged their noses together lovingly. “Because it’s working.” At this point Nathan figured that things weren’t really going anywhere. In fact, he couldn’t make a decision just yet so instead of dragging Beau down with him, he wanted to make the most of their time together which meant that he also allowed himself to indulge a little and be selfish about it for once.

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As much as it drained Nathan to talk about his upbringing and his parents in the first place, he didn’t feel like he should be regretting it when it came to Beau. He appreciated that while he might not be able to understand it fully just yet, he didn’t judge him for not being in contact with them. It felt good having that kind of support from him but what felt even better was the fact that Beau knew exactly how to take his mind off of all these things that rested so heavily on his shoulders. It wasn’t only the sexual aspect of their relationship but Beau was gentle and understanding at all times and seemed to know just when Nathan needed space or the comfort of him just being there and having dinner with him. The little things meant so much more to him than he could convey just yet. Chuckling, Nathan shook his head at the other male. “No…it wouldn’t be wrong. It’d be perfect actually,” he murmured and grinned, kissing Beau softly once more.

As their kiss started to grow more heated and Nathan’s shirt found its way to the floor, the mood shifted and the brunet was thankful for the way it did. “The question is…what are you gonna do with me?” He teased jokingly and yet he enjoyed the heated banter between them. The way Beau looked at him sent a shiver down his spine and he reveled in the way Beau made him feel so utterly wanted. He brought down Beau’s suspenders almost too slowly, teasing both of them as they kissed and he looked at Beau with dark blue eyes when he got off of him to take off his shirt. Watching in awe, Nathan smiled when he noticed the way Beau got a little nervous and for a moment he wondered if he truly couldn’t see just how perfect he was. Smiling back at his lover, Nathan chuckled and let out a surprised gasp when their lips met once more and they kissed longingly. He shifted along with Beau, letting his body guide his until they were close and pressing against each other.  

Another low noise escaped Nathan’s throat and he panted into their kiss as his own hips moved in time with Beau’s to create more of that delicious friction between them. When Beau cursed, Nathan’s lips twitched into a grin and he hummed approvingly. “You got me,” he told him just as firmly, chuckling breathlessly as he reached up to brush his fingers through Beau’s hair tenderly. “I can feel that,” Nathan teased. “I love that I get to see you like this. I love that you just let go with me,” he whispered and leaned back into a longing kiss before he couldn’t help but grin widely once more. “Getting right to it, huh?” Nathan pushed himself up on his elbows a little, looking back at Beau with a mischievous smile. “I didn’t think you were that eager now. Whatever happened to my perfect gentleman,” he joked but placed a hand on Beau’s chest to gently push him off of him a little so he could reach over to the coffee table to pull open a drawer with an almost bashful smile. “I haven’t checked that drawer in a while but there should be some in there,” he told him, mentally thanking himself for having been mindful enough to place some in the drawer just in case a while back.

[nathangarrett]

cassandraxwilson·:

Cass made a face at Nathan’s explanation, proving she didn’t entirely believe it wasn’t her fault. Even if she was trying to tell herself that. It felt like everything that had gone wrong lately had spiraled out, like a cyclone, from only a few of her poorly made decisions. To the point she wasn’t hurting only herself and those directly involved, but people caught in the crosswinds as well. Still, she didn’t feel like getting into it and arguing the finer points of her terrible choices. “Yeah, I guess. Still, I know you guys are close. I hope you can work it out eventually…” She couldn’t imagine him and Cooper remaining at odds over this, even if Cooper had thrown low blows in his anger and frustration.

Thankful to move on and try to let the topic leave her thoughts, Cass let out a snort of laughter at Nathan’s teasing. “I know, right? It’s a tragedy, really. A wonder anyone wants to even associate with me, you know?” She rolled her eyes playfully before turning it back on him. “And how about you? What is it that you can’t do that just ruins your life, hmm? Cross your eyes, maybe? Can’t do tongue twisters?” There was agreement on the benefits of the public transit system, though. Up until Cass had gotten herself known, she’d had to rely on the subway and walking to get her pretty much everywhere in town. Once she’d made a name for herself, some of the execs and artists had sent cars for her - but she had still preferred to get around on her own when she could. She chuckled at his story, making a thoughtful face. “Gee, I wonder…”

Nathan’s brows furrowed and he looked back at Cass with a sympathetic half-smile. He knew what she must feel like – like everything came down to her own mistakes but while he knew the feeling, he’d learned that sometimes things just went on beyond his control. Biting his lip, Nathan gave a nod. “Yeah…yeah, me too,” he told her genuinely, shaking his head. He felt like it was both so insignificant and yet so hurtful that it was hard for him to try and make the first step.

As they moved away from the rather heavy topic, Nathan let out an almost relieved sigh, focusing on the road as they fell back into an easier conversation. A laugh escaped him and he shook his head. “I’m having a hard time right now but I’m trying to pull through, Cass,” he joked, raising a brow at her question. “Well, I can roll my tongue but I can’t wriggle my ears either so that’s been truly tragic but I also can’t cook for shit,” he told her with a laugh. “Tongue twisters also never fail to throw me off so that’s a good point,” Nathan joked along with her. Having lived in New York for the longest time, Nathan truly wasn’t used to not being able to get around the way he wanted to just by walking or relying on public transportation. “You probably wonder right. It was pretty annoying but also comfortable at times. Anyways…,” he trailed off with a chuckle. “Not something I’m dealing with anymore thankfully.”

[nathangarrett]

alexwilsxn·:

“You can tell the overthinker in you that I told him to shut up, alright? You’re gonna be fine, and I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t think it were true.” Alex knew as well as anyone that you were often your own worst critic, but hopefully in time Nathan would be able to relax and not be so anxious about the upcoming meeting. He only laughed and shrugged nonchalantly as Nathan commented on his and Cass’s likelihood to change.

Listening to Nathan’s words, Alex only nodded and agreed. He wasn’t sure what else to say. Though he was confident that things would turn out alright in the end, it wasn’t easy to always look at the bright side of things. Alex laughed. “Damn right. Maybe by the time I’m eighty I’ll be able to relax a little and stop worrying so much.” As if. By that time he would have kids and grandkids (hopefully), plus all the other people in his family to still worry about. A never ending cycle. “God, did you really run into your ex? If any of my exes show up here I’m hightailing it the hell outta here,” he joked. The chances of running into one of them was astronomical, though, so it wasn’t like he was worried. Even if he knew he would have to deal with Anna at some point in the future inevitably. That was a problem for Future Alex. “Haven’t had much of a reason to get this drunk, not that I’m complaining. Let’s hope you’re not too much of a bad influence on me.” After his sophomore year of college, Alex had found a less toxic friend group and the partying and drinking had come to a halt. While he still drank, he wasn’t getting drunk every weekend any longer.

“I’ll pass on the message,” Nathan joked as he grinned back at the other man. It was nice to know that if he didn’t believe in himself, at least someone did. “You know, usually I’d call bullshit on that but I have a feeling that you’d let me know if you thought I was shit,” he admitted and frankly, he was only half-joking. While the pianist was aware of his technical abilities, Nathan hadn’t really played in a professional setting for quite a while now and he couldn’t help but feel a little nervous now that the day was getting closer and closer.

Nathan snorted and shook his head. “We gotta figure it out before that, otherwise we won’t make it to eighty,” he told him with a raised brow. He was joking but part of it also held some truth. There had been a time in Nathan’s life where he hadn’t cared enough and now? He almost cared a little too much. A small grin tugged on his lips when Alex asked further and he let out a deep breath before taking a sip of his drink. “By complete chance – yeah. We’re trying to figure some shit out now though which is good, I guess but also draining as hell,” he told him, his brows pulling together. “Anyways – I feel like running into exes is never gonna get any easier or less awkward,” Nathan added. He could feel his tongue getting a little looser now from the alcohol coursing through his veins and he snorted, shaking his head. “I try not to be a bad influence these days, alright? You can always say no and I’m gonna be fine with it but I gotta admit, I’m glad I got a drinking buddy in you tonight.”

[nathangarrett]

beau-mccallum‌:

While the two discussed Nathan’s family problems, it acted as a reminder to Beau that despite his own insecurities about their relationship.  If Nathan was not committed, the man probably would not be as open and vulnerable as he was right now.  Especially given the gravity of the situation, whether Nathan should take the leap and visit his father or be content with the what ifs that may linger through his life.  When Nathan’s gaze met his own, Beau could see the exhaustion and sadness.  Just moments ago, Nathan appeared to be filled with life and this topic alone wiped a lot out of him.  Beau softly kissed Nathan, sharing heart filled kiss with the handsome man.  At his words, Beau softly exhaled and just lightly nodded.  “Currently, I think we broached a lot of touchy topics.  For now, I think I am content on whatever you wish to divulge to me.”  Beau simply stated.  Of course, Beau wanted to know more about the other male and wanted to share things about himself.  But when it came to the two of them, they opened up in ways that usually were reserved for several months into a relationship.  The way he figured, the two could just enjoy the fun parts.  Both of them deserved it.

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Nathan didn’t usually share a lot about himself, let alone his family situation but he trusted Beau at this point of – whatever it was that they were – and he put his trust into him to the point where he didn’t think he’d use this kind of information against him. Besides that, he valued Beau’s views and opinions and was thankful for the fact that he was willing to talk to him about this. He didn’t even necessarily need his input but an open ear was all he could ask for. It was draining for him to be talking about this and it weighed heavy on him so he appreciated it even more when Beau was quick to distract him with a soft kiss. “Are you trying to distract me from my heartache, Mr. Beau?” He rasped and nudged their noses together lovingly. “Because it’s working.” At this point Nathan figured that things weren’t really going anywhere. In fact, he couldn’t make a decision just yet so instead of dragging Beau down with him, he wanted to make the most of their time together which meant that he also allowed himself to indulge a little and be selfish about it for once.

He couldn’t help the amusement that played on his lips when Beau complained and he raised a brow. “I’d apologize but I have a feeling it wouldn’t come across all that genuine so…,” he trailed off jokingly, biting his lip as his fingertips trailed along the other man’s frame while his eyes followed. Nathan hummed approvingly when Beau tugged on his shirt, taking it off to leave him bare chested and he immediately melted into the other man’s kisses and touches as warmth spread through his body. Nathan’s arms wrapped around Beau’s lower back gently, keeping him steady while he balanced himself in order to undress him and create some space between them. Nathan arched into Beau’s touches, almost chasing them as they eyes met and he grinned back at his lover, enjoying the playfulness that settled back between them now. He was quick to bring Beau’s suspenders down, eager to undress him in return when suddenly things slowed back down and Nathan welcomed it, kissing Beau back gently before they parted and he looked back at him with warm, wanton eyes. His glance followed Beau when he got up and he watched him in awe when he took off his shirt and tank. “I won’t say no to that. Not when I get a show out of it,” he told him with a smirk and leaned up when Beau’s hands cupped the sides of his face. “And you’re fucking gorgeous,” he murmured, kissing Beau back as he reached out for a brief moment to feel Beau’s bare skin under his fingertips. A surprised gasp escaped him when Beau pinned him down but was quick to adjust and he couldn’t help but grin widely. He would never get tired of seeing Beau like this – for once not at all reserved and not holding back with him – Nathan was obsessed. Groaning under his breath, Nathan looked up at Beau with stormy eyes, beaming before a low moan escaped him and he squeezed his eyes shut at the delicious friction. His hips lifted as much as they could in the position Nathan was in and he rocked them back against Beau’s, his hands clutching at him. “Hm…likewise,” he whispered and licked between Beau’s lips eagerly, deepening the kiss before pulling back lightly. “You’re so fucking hot,” Nathan murmured against his lips.

[nathangarrett]

hughclements·:

Already Hugh was starting to regret meeting Nathan, not that it was Nathan’s fault in the slightest. It was just difficult to be so emotionally vulnerable. One part of Hugh regretted everything that had happened between them, while the other said that what had happened had been inevitable. Hugh didn’t know what to think. “I know it wasn’t, but it’s not like I could’ve just stopped caring about you or wishing that I could help. All I wanted was for you to feel better, if not happy then at least content with your life.” It had taken Hugh a long time to realize that there really wasn’t anything he could have done for Nathan, at least at that point in their life. It was a realization that had ultimately ruined them. “God, Nathan, no. I don’t think there was ever a time when I was truly done, in the way that you’re talking about. I left you because I knew that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere, that by that point we were just going in circles and neither of us were happy.” Most of all Hugh was frustrated that thing had turned out the way they had. He was angry that the world had let Nathan down, that he hadn’t been able to do anything about it. They had worked well while they were still in school, but after graduation things had changed for the both of them. Changes that meant they were going to drift apart. As much as Hugh hated it, it was an inevitable part of life. They were always going to understand each other in a way that Hugh knew he would never find in another person again, but it wasn’t enough to stop life from happening. “Yeah. Same here. We were together for so long, though. And during such a delicate time in our lives. That’s not the kind of thing you just forget.” Even if they had both moved on, there was always going to be that thread between them. It wasn’t something that one could just erase. “I’m sorry I forced you to go through that. I guess that’s the biggest regret I have. I knew it was going to happen, but I never wanted to hurt you. At the time it felt like the best option, even if I wish I could go back and change it.” He couldn’t, though, and all that was left to do was to let go of the past. Hugh nodded and returned the smile. He didn’t think he would have been able to get through the conversation if Nathan was still in that dark place he had been when they broke up. Knowing that Nathan was a better, happier person gave Hugh the strength to continue. “I’m a little biased, but I love the city. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I’m glad you’re happy here, glad you’ve gotten better. You deserve happiness,” he assured. It had been the only thing he wanted when they broke up. There was something about their conversation that did give Hugh closure. Maybe it was just knowing that Nathan was happier, or the reassurance that both of them could move on. The feeling of letting go of the past. It was easy to know something in your mind, but a different story when it came to actually feeling those thoughts.

“I told you, Hugh – for the most part you were the one thing in my life that was good, you know? You made me feel better. I hope you know that,” Nathan admitted, finally able to open up the way he needed to in the moment. He hated nothing more than being vulnerable but right now he knew that he needed to be. Biting his lip, Nathan nodded. It still hurt to know that things hadn’t been done for Hugh either but they simply hadn’t been good for each other anymore or rather the situation hadn’t been. A part of him wished that they’d had this conversation much sooner, maybe it would’ve changed things but then again, he wasn’t sure if he would’ve been ready back then. He was in an entirely different place mentally and had only recently found some more peace within him. There’d always be days where his mind and circumstances got the better of him but he was learning how to deal with those things. One day at a time. “Yeah…exactly. I feel the same way about it and I learned a lot during that time so I never wished it didn’t happen. I just wish things would’ve gone down differently. But to be honest with you, I’ve been trying to work through a lot these days and I’d like to think that I’m better at dealing with my bullshit,” he said, a faint smile tugging on his lips. Nathan shook his head, dragging a hand through his hair as he focused his glance down on the ground again for a moment. “I’m sure you had your reasons just like I had mine,” he said with a shrug. “We can’t change it now so we can’t beat ourselves up over it, you know? We gotta let it go at some point and god knows I have a hard time doing that myself but…it’s not getting us anywhere, right?” At this point, Nathan was almost relieved. Glad that they weren’t fighting or blaming each other but simply talking it out. It was the kind of closure he’d always needed and wanted and it felt good just knowing that he was able to talk about these things now without his anger or pain getting the best of him. “So do you, Hugh – I hope it’s been treating you well for the past few years. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever run into you again though. I didn’t even make the connection,” he admitted with a small smile, feeling both lighter and yet still heavy from the emotional baggage that was still resting on his shoulders.

[nathangarrett]

beau-mccallum·:

Theblonde crinkled his nose as he smiled when Nathan agreed with his assessment ontheir schedules.  “Indeed,” he respondedhappy the two were going to take the time to figure out something where theycould see each other more.  When it cameto Nathan, he started to get greedy wanting desperately to spend more time withthe man.  Beau was grateful for whateveramount of time he got throughout the week, but for some reason it never feltlike enough.  At the man’s comment, hesmiled.  “Hm, I must say I rather likeselfish Nathan.”  A slight smirk formed atthe corner of his lips.  “Please do,though I still find it terribly unfair you now know two of my weaknesses andyou still have yet to tell me one of yours.”

Withthe quiet settling around them, Beau’s blue eyes remained on Nathan concernedfor the man’s well being.  For Beau itwas difficult to comprehend the amount of hurt Nathan’s parents caused theman.  Childhoods were supposed to behappy and carefree, not burdened with the disappointment of one’s parents arefeeling alone.  The more he learned aboutNathan’s parents, the more Beau was grateful for the childhood he did have withparents that encouraged him even though he went down a different path than theyanticipated.  “Everyone has work to doNathan,” he smiled.  “All of us are worksin progress.”  Beau leaned in and softlypressed his lips against Nathan’s, “I may not know what your worst is, but justknow I care about your from worst to best.” Sitting there next to the man, Beau started to get nervous about hisconfession.  Thankfully, it appearedNathan felt the same way when it came to envisioning a future with oneanother.  “Well Mr. Nathan, I try to bean open book.  If there is anything youwant or need to know you may ask me.”  

Adevilish grin spread across the southern’s features at Nathan’s teasingwords.  “Oh, but I want to hear them,” hemumbled between their lips.  Every nerveending felt ablaze as Beau’s hips shifted and Nathan’s fingers grazed along hisback until they found a resting place along his chest.  With his eyes focused on the man, he pausedmomentarily as he started to bite the corner of his bottom lip waiting inanticipation as the other male started to speak.  At the touch of Nathan’s hands on his neck,he could feel his pulse pounding against his chest as he drew in a raggedbreath.  The comment about his facial hairbrought out a light chuckle.  “I likeyou,” he hummed as their lips met in longing kiss.  As they kissed heatedly, Beau’s fingers foundtheir way to the hem of Nathan’s shirt and he started to bunch it upwardrevealing some flesh.  Parting from thesweet kiss, Beau’s lips moved towards Nathan’s neck kissing and gently nippingat the skin.  “You know what else I like?”  He questioned.  “I like you without your shirt,” he whisperedin Nathan’s air as he started to pull it over the man’s head.  With some assistance, he managed the articleof clothing off the man and tossed it over the couch as his hungry blue eyesstared down at the man soaking every aspect about the man in.  Beau’s eyes remained fixated on Nathan as heplaced both hands on the man’s pecks enjoying the feel of the man’s skin.  Slowly, Beau’s hands started to ease downwardas he carefully shifted his body back not wanting to fall backwards from theman’s lap.  He then started to undo theman’s pant and just as he his fingers reached for the zipper, he halted andraised a brow towards the man.  “Whatexactly were those ideas again?”  Beauasked playfully, licking his lips as he waited for a reply.

“Maybe I just like watching you try to figure one out,” Nathan teased lightheartedly. “Or maybe I just don’t have any,” he told him with a shrug, beaming back at Beau with bright eyes. “Let’s just go with that,” Nathan joked.

It was hard for Nathan to talk about this with anyone, really but considering how comfortable he was with Beau, he felt like it was getting a little easier at this point. While he didn’t have a very picture perfect childhood, Nathan wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it these days – he had no way of knowing what a normal and sheltered childhood had felt like so sometimes he wondered whether he missed it or merely the idea of it. There had been moments he still cherished to this day but sadly, the bad overshadowed the good. His parents had always been moody and distant, not really concerned about him unless he was succeeding or failing for that matter – he’d never been quite right in their eyes. Looking back at Beau through tired, sad eyes, Nathan allowed his lips to twitch into a small smile, mirroring the other man’s lightly before he leaned into the kiss softly. “You can’t know that yet but it means more to me than you know, Beau. It means the world to me to hear you say that,” he told him, his voice quiet as he spoke. Nathan liked that Beau wore his heart on his sleeve and always seemed to be so utterly genuine. “The same goes for you. I’ll let you know if I don’t wanna talk about it but I’ll try my best to just tell you whatever you wanna know, too,” he promised genuinely.

A smirk rested on Nathan’s lips and he was quick to shake his head teasingly, grinning back at Beau as he found his eyes. “No way, Mr. Beau,” he teased him, his lips dropping open in a silent moan when the other man shifted in his lap and he allowed his hands to travel and linger. His fingertips brushed against warm skin and he could feel the desire within him grow to touch more of it the more his fingers touched nothing but fabric. “Thank god, you do,” he murmured and leaned into the heated kiss, humming in approval when Beau tugged at his shirt, exposing some flashes of skin while Nathan’s fingers brushed through blond strands of hair. He let his head tip to the side, as if to offer his neck to Beau without hesitation and he couldn’t help but chuckle at his lover’s words. “Hm…I’m glad you like that because I definitely am in favor for it right now,” he said and raised his arms to help Beau undress him. While he usually felt a little too exposed at times, Nathan didn’t mind Beau’s glances at all and reveled in the attention he gave him. An appreciative hum vibrated from his chest when Beau’s hands moved along his pecs and his own moved down the line of his back, steadying him by crossing his arms behind Beau’s lower back to keep him in place. Nathan bit his lip, looking back at Beau with a raised brow when he stopped and he couldn’t help but let out an amused laugh as his own hands moved along Beau’s suspenders, tugging them down so they were dangling by his sides and he could move on to undoing Beau’s bowtie while his eyes stayed fixed on his. “Well, handsome…how about this – since you’re usually too much of a gentleman, you tell me one of yours and I’ll tell you one of mine, hm? You know I like a good deal,” he joked, leaning up to brush their lips together. “My plan involves a lot less of this though,” Nathan said and tugged on Beau’s collar for emphasis. “And also a lot more kissing so…”

[nathangarrett]

alexwilsxn·:

“Exactly. No reason to get all worried about it. You’ll do fine,” Alex assured. If Nathan had put that much time and work into his craft, Alex knew he would be fine. Especially if Cass was the one who had set it up in the first place. “That’s good, considering I don’t think either of us are going to change anytime soon.” Besides, part of their generosity came because they had the means to do so. Alex was sure Nathan would’ve done the same thing in their situation. They were lucky in that they were able to do nice things for their friends without a second thought.

As he felt the alcohol running through his system, Alex was remembering exactly why he didn’t down three whiskeys every night. All it did was make him easier to piss off and make his head hurt, though on the bright side he was forgetting all the shit that was going on in his life. Still, he knew that this would be an exception. Sometimes he just needed a reminder for exactly why he had stopped doing this in college. “Yeah. I dunno. I should probably just be grateful. Better to look at the bright side I guess.” It wasn’t like he tried to be miserable all the time, but it was hard when he came home and Cass was drunk and he was tired and everything just wasn’t going well. He still had Cassidy and the horses and his family and his friends. That was what mattered. “Trust me, I’m not advocating for you to get into any trouble. Be as boring as possible. Or at least not bad drama, I should say. I’m all for the good drama. Fuck, I’m probably not making a lick of sense. Can you tell I haven’t gotten this drunk in a few years?” he joked.

“Tell the overthinker in me – he’s not all that great about not worrying,” Nathan joked. He wasn’t usually one to doubt his abilities but whenever it was about putting them out there in a professional setting, he couldn’t help but freak out about it a little bit. He tried his best to stay calm and the reassuring words from his friends helped but Nathan had always been his own worst critic. “You really shouldn’t either,” Nathan pointed out with a grin, shaking his head. He was thankful for the friendship Alex and Cass were offering him and he appreciated them even more now that he knew that they truly only did it because they’d been happy to help.

As he started to feel the alcohol, Nathan made a mental note to not completely overdo it that night. He didn’t want to get sloppy after all. Having used all kinds of substances in the part to quiet down his worries and pain, Nathan hadn’t relied on them in a while though he probably was still drinking and smoking a little too much. “I get it though, it’s hard to be at times. Every now and then the good can’t necessarily outweigh the bad, right? So we just gotta try and come out on top somehow,” he rambled. Nathan definitely wasn’t known to be an optimist but these days he at least tried to see things a little more positively. An amused grin tugged on the man’s lips and he shook his head. “Don’t worry, man – I’m following. Kinda,” he added with a laugh. “I still have enough drama going on to remind me that my life’s probably never gonna get comfortably boring, don’t worry,” Nathan joked. “There’s always something else going on. If it’s not family stuff, it’s exes showing up out of nowhere and if it’s not that, my life’s just gonna find something else to throw at me to throw me off a bit,” he went on before waving it off and shaking his head. “You really haven’t, huh? Glad we could change that tonight,” Nathan teased. “Sometimes it’s what you gotta do. Get your mind off of things for a bit.”

[nathangarrett]

beau-mccallum·:

“Perhapsit would be easier if you let me know when you are available.  My schedule is set with work, so I can alwaystry to work around yours.”  Beausuggested knowing the other man’s hours changed with each week given his twojobs.  “Trust me handsome, you havenothing to worry about.  I am already toofar gone for redemption.”  In all realitythe words were true, Beau only had eyes for Nathan and when the two were nottogether his mind often times wandered towards the brunet.  After all the time spent with the man, itastounded Beau how often the two still managed to get each other to laugh, nearlyeverything came naturally for them.  Beaulightly chuckled at Nathan’s comment just shaking his head.  “I think you should.  Would hate to set the expectations too high incase I ever meet these people.”  Beauhummed happily as their lips met for a kiss. “You flatter me too much Mr. Nathan,” he insisted.  “But luckily for you, you have the advantage incase this scenario happens.  You know myweaknesses.”  The southern stated.  “You and sweets.”

AsBeau listened to the issues stemming from Nathan’s childhood, he reached forthe man’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Nathan, despite you not having siblings from everything you toldme.  I can honestly say it sounds like avery lonely childhood and no kid deserves parents who treat them in the manner yourparents treated you.”  With his blue eyeson Nathan, he sucked in a breath of air. “I cannot attest to what they hold important,” he responded.  “All I can say is you are important to me andso many people around you.  Even aftereverything, you turned out to be a great man.” Hearing Nathan’s words, Beau softly smiled giving him a small nod.  “I know,” he replied softly.  “I just meant,” Beau paused for a moment contemplatingthe right words.  Of course he wanted tobe open to Nathan given he just said it, but he also did not want to lay toomuch out there and scare the man.  “Just,I see a future with us and honesty is a key factor in it is all.”  

Aftertheir passionate kiss, Beau eased back so their eyes could meet curious on whatwas on Nathan’s mind.  “Mhmm, what kindof ideas?”  Beau murmured as his lipslightly grazed Nathan’s.  With the otherman’s hands at his sides, he shifted his hips causing small amounts of frictionbetween them.  At Nathan’s words, Beau’seyes widen hearing the word home inthe sentence as if this place was their home even though it was only his firsttime there.  “I—like—this—plan.”  Beau responded, each word between soft kisseswith the other male.  The southern leanedin more pressing his lips firmly against Nathan’s as he started to kisshim.  In the beginning it was gentle, butquickly shifted in a dominating kiss, his body moving against Nathan eagerly.

Nathan couldn’t help but grin at Beau’s explanation, nodding quickly. “Sure. That probably makes more sense because mind changes all the time,” he added. “We’ll figure it out,” Nathan assured the other man before a smirk spread on his features and he tilted his head at his lover. “That makes two of us then,” he muttered and looked back at him with warm, tender eyes. Being around Beau felt nothing but natural at this point – like it was meant to be this way and everything just happened so organically to the point where Nathan barely continued overthinking. He had his moments but nonetheless, Beau always managed to draw him back in and surprise him with how easy he made it to be with him. Nathan snorted and shook his head. “It’s mostly out of very selfish reasons…maybe I just wanna keep you all to myself,” he continued to tease, chuckling. “That’s very good to know. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind,” Nathan added with a wink.

Lacing their fingers together, Nathan allowed himself a moment of simply breathing in and grounding himself with Beau’s help. It felt good to have him there when his mind was racing again. It was something he usually dealt with on his own. He looked back at Beau, his expression somewhere between sad and relieved that the other man seemed to understand even without being able to relate entirely. He often wondered if he was exaggerating but thinking back, he couldn’t remember a time where he’d felt entirely comfortable with his parents or supported by them – they had been out of touch for years now and he didn’t see that changing any time soon. “I’m sure I still got some work to do but thank you – that means a lot to me,” Nathan told Beau. “God knows you haven’t seen me at my worst but I’m working on myself every single day of my life so here’s to hoping you never will,” he said with a small smile. While Beau’s words normally would’ve made him want to run, they seemed almost calming to him right now – just knowing that Beau wanted him around for a while and he could feel himself wanting the other man there just as much. “I – yeah…I think honesty is key,” he told him softly, hoping that Beau knew that he was agreeing. He saw a future with him as well. “I try to be as real as I can possibly be so I mean it when I want this to work out, too.”

As they reveled in their closeness and Nathan looked back at Beau with darkened eyes, he couldn’t help but grin widely before their lips brushed gently. “Ones you’re not allowed to say out loud,” he murmured teasingly, referring to the way Beau usually didn’t say out loud what he wanted since he got a little bashful with him but judging by the way Beau’s body responded to his own by letting them move along with each other, Nathan had a feeling the other man understood just fine. Sucking in a sharp breath, Nathan bit his lip and looked back at him, humming in approval as they continued to kiss and he gasped against Beau’s parted lips. “I was hoping you would,” he whispered and let his hands trail up Beau’s back, moving along his shoulders before he moved them in to rest over his chest, smiling when his fingertips brushed Beau’s bowtie – appreciative of how much of an effort the other man made to the point where he felt almost underdressed. “You know what I like?” He started, smiling up at him and letting his hands cup the sides of Beau’s neck tenderly, brushing his thumbs against the growing scruff on his cheeks. “I like that you’re growing out your facial hair,” Nathan said, his smile spreading into a grin. “And I like you, you know?” He whispered. “A lot,” he added and leaned back up for a loving yet deep kiss.

[nathangarrett]

larkshepherd·:

Lark soon realized that no amount of moving the plant and the dirt around would save it and labeled it a good enough attempt as she moved from the pot on the counter to the sink beside it to wash the dirt from her hands, which would surely be just as dirty in a matter of minutes from moving the large pots around on the balcony. “Sorry for dragging you into this,” She mentioned offhandedly as she dried the water on a yellow towel hanging by the sink. “I’m sure you have better things to do with your life and I should have just called Cooper and made him come help me, but I appreciate your willingness to help a near stranger out.” 

His words garnered a nod from Lark, reassuring him that even if the ferns didn’t make it, it wouldn’t have been his fault. She barely knew this man, but she was glad that it was just the ferns that possibly didn’t make it and not him. When she realized she hadn’t offered her guest any refreshments, a small, surprised noise fell from her lips. “Oh! Do you want anything to drink? Water? Lemonade? There are only like, three pots that I can’t really move by myself, despite my dedication to attempting,” Lark rambled, waving her hand in the general direction of the balcony door where three large potted plants sat just inside of it. “But it’s the least I can do for you going out of your way to help and talk nerdy about nature with me”

Nathan was genuinely clueless when it came to plants so he wasn’t sure whether or not it’d actually make it when Lark tried her best to take care of it. With his hands clean for now, Nathan crossed his arms, leaning against the wall lightly as he continued talking to Lark. “It’s fine, it’s not like I gotta be anywhere right now,” he told her with a shrug and it was true – he didn’t really have any plans and could use a bit of distraction for now. When she mentioned someone called Cooper, Nathan’s brows immediately raised and for a moment he contemplated asking her about him. Considering that they barely knew each other yet though, Nathan held back his curiosity. “I mean, you could always consider it as a payback for me barging in past your opening hours so…it’s only fair I help where I can,” he teased.

The storm had definitely taken its toll on most people Nathan knew and himself included. Things had been a mess ever since and it only seemed to worsen as time passed though thankfully, a lot of things had gone back to normal as well now that he’d settled into his new living situation. Nathan grinned when Lark seemed almost shocked that she hadn’t offered him anything to drink but he was quick to shake his head. “I’m happy with a glass of water, don’t worry,” he told her before chuckling. “I haven’t hit the gym in a while but I’m gonna try my best,” Nathan joked before letting out a small laugh. “It’s no big deal, seriously. Just tell me where you want them to go,” Nathan said, walking over to the balcony so he could get started.

[nathangarrett]

beau-mccallum·:

WhileBeau peppered Nathan’s neck with kisses, he responded to the other man’scomment. ·“We need to rectify thissituation immediately, because I certainly have the desire to see you more Mr.Nathan.” ·A devilish smirk spread acrosshis lips as he raised a brow. ·“Oh, youare the absolute worst. ·Not even sure Ican be saved at this point,” he gleamed.“Not that I want to be. ·Justbetween you and me, I must admit it certainly feels good to be bad with you.” ·Right now, Beau was on cloud nine as their lipsbrushed against each other. ·Nathansomehow always managed to make a good day a great day just by being withhim. ·A light chuckle left his lips atNathan’s somewhat compliment. ·“I see howit is, I tell you that you are amazing and I get I’m not too shabby. ·Please be sure to use that exact descriptor ifanyone ever asks about me.”

Justhearing Nathan speak about his parents, Beau could feel the tension radiatingoff Nathan. ·Every instinct Beau had wasto try and make things better for the other male. ·Yet, in this instance he knew no matteramount of words, touching or well anything could erase Nathan’s childhood andthe lingering memories he carried with him.All he could do was be a sounding board and assure him that he was therefor the man. ·With his blue eyes lookingover at Nathan, he shook his head. ·“Thereis nothing to feel bad about, it is not your fault on how they were.” ·In many ways, Beau felt alone when he startedto understand his attraction to men.However, it was nothing in comparison to Nathan’s childhood. ·Beau always claimed he had an amazingchildhood and loving parents and he still clung to those words. ·The southern nodded towards Nathan’scomment. ·Some part of him wanted to lethim know, he did not feel sorry Nathan.Everything the man went through created the man today, the man he caredfor, the man he wanted to spend his days and nights with. ·It just saddened him someone went throughthat torment. ·After their brief sweetkiss, Beau lightly smiled. ·“It is okayif you are not good at it. ·I just wantus to get to a point in our relationshipwhere we can be completely open with each other about anything.”

Thingsstarted to calm down after the weight of their previous conversation. ·In fact, a grin was plastered across Beau’sface as he shifted himself in Nathan’s lap, his knees pressed into the couch cushionson each side of Nathan. ·Glancing down,he leaned in and kissed Nathan heatedly.Feeling Nathan’s movements, Beau continued to press against the othermale’s body, his hips gyrating a little as their tongues tangled in a searinghot kiss. ·His fingers slid up at theback of Nathan’s head, gliding his digits through the man’s hair. ·“Mhmm,” he murmured between their lips. ·“Feeling anymore decisive now?” ·He questioned as he leaned back a little tolook the man in the eyes. ·

“Well – just tell me when and where and I’ll make sure to be there if work allows it,” Nathan told Beau with a broad smile, genuinely excited that the other man was just as eager to see him as much as he could as well. “I most certainly hope no one’s gonna save you because I gotta admit, I like being a bad influence on you that way. I don’t usually pride myself with corrupting people but you know…,” he trailed off with a smirk, chuckling at Beau’s words. It amazed Nathan just how obsessed he was with Beau and how he simply couldn’t get enough of him at this point. He enjoyed being with him, their conversations and everything else they got to share, especially the slight banter and the way everything still felt so new and exciting to him still as they still got to know more and more about each other. “I just might. If anyone asks me about the guy I’m seeing I’m just gonna go – oh, he’s not so bad,” he teased the man, winking at him as he leaned in to press a playful kiss against his lips. “I wouldn’t want to brag too much, you know…gotta keep it on the down low. Otherwise someone might wanna snag you,” he joked.

Nathan hadn’t expected to bring up his relationship with his parents but as he and Beau got to know each other better, he felt like he should be able to talk about it more. He didn’t want Beau to feel sorry for him or think that he suffered more than most but it was a big part of him and the way he was after all. “It’s just that – sometimes I wonder if it’s worse in my head than it actually was, you know? I don’t have any siblings who could deny or confirm my experience so I can’t help but doubt myself,” he admitted, biting his lip. “But then again, if I was important to them we’d still be talking, right?” Nathan trailed off, shaking his head. In moments like these he was even more thankful that Beau was in his life now. He calmed him in ways not a lot of people could and he felt safe around him, like it was okay to be vulnerable. “I’m already more open about things with you than I am with most so I think we got that off the table,” he joked lightly, smiling faintly as he stayed close.

With Beau in his lap now and the sensation of their lips finding each other in a heated kiss, Nathan’s mind went completely blank and his focus was back on nothing but the other man. He looked back at him, grinning wickedly as he clung to Beau’s sides, keeping him as close as he could. “Hm…you’re definitely giving me some ideas now,” he whispered, gasping against Beau’s lips when he moved their hips together and his fingers brushed through his hair, making him lean his head back and look up at him, finding Beau’s deep blue eyes with his own again. “I think we should stay home…spend some quality time together…,” Nathan muttered, letting their lips brush teasingly. “Get some food later…”

[nathangarrett]

hughclements·:

It wasn’t until that moment that Hugh realized how frustrated he still was over the situation. Hugh had thought that he was over it for the most part - and he was, but with all the memories of that past flooding back to him he couldn’t help but feel some of those leftover emotions. He wished that he could read Nathan’s mind, see all the things he was going over in his head. Ten years ago Hugh would’ve been able to read him like a book, and now… Hugh wasn’t sure what he even really knew about Nathan besides the basics that any acquaintance would. Hugh didn’t know what new things he was into, or any of his friends, or what he was excited for in the future. So much had changed and it was difficult to try and understand that Nathan wasn’t the person that Hugh had left in New York. “It’s okay, Nathan, I know,” Hugh said, trying to grapple with his own feelings. The last thing he wanted was to get angry about the situation. Hugh had never been an angry person, but he was only human and it was a struggle not to get frustrated with their conversation and the memories being brought up. “It was a long time ago. I guess I’m just glad you’re not in that same mindset. I didn’t know how to help you and it crushed me.” He still didn’t know if Nathan would ever truly understand what Hugh had felt back then. Of course Hugh had hurt Nathan, and he regretted it immensely and wished he could go back and change things. At the same time, Hugh remembered exactly why his past self needed to break things off with Nathan and Hugh didn’t know if it hadn’t been for the best still. “I’m so sorry you didn’t know. At the time I didn’t know how to tell you, knowing it would just make things more complicated, and I didn’t think I could just call you up afterwards and tell you about it….” It was a hard subject to breach. How could Hugh have just called up Nathan two weeks after their break up and tell him that he was in Philadelphia and getting ready for his grandfather’s funeral? How could they have talked again when they were hundreds of miles apart and Hugh had left so finally? “I loved you too. I never doubted that you loved me, but… sometimes it just isn’t enough,” Hugh said, though he knew both of them knew it. It was easy to be together when they had been in high school and college, but afterwards they had started to grow into the men they were now. Hugh loved Nathan deeply, but in the end it just wasn’t meant to be. They were similar in many ways and understood each other in a way that Hugh didn’t think he would ever replicate, but it still wasn’t enough. Maybe Hugh should’ve stuck it out longer. Maybe communication really would have changed things between them. “I know what you mean. It seems like a lifetime ago,” Hugh said, smiling sadly. “I knew that leaving you would hurt you, and I’m sorry for that. I guess I was just holding out on the hope that you were strong enough to recover from it - all of it. We had been together for so long, grown up together. At that point I think we just needed to let go. Learn how to live without the other.” It had been devastating when Hugh fully realized that he could no longer just call up his boyfriend to tell him about things, to talk about his grandfather. “I’m not saying that I don’t regret some of it. Of course I do. At the same time… I think it needed to happen, Nathan. You’re doing way better then you ever were with me in New York. I’m happy where I am. I told you before, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

It was hard to believe that ten years had passed and so much had happened when right now, Nathan felt like he was right back to being in his early twenties and entirely lost in the world. He wasn’t these days, not as much as he used to but looking into those familiar eyes and seeing Hugh’s features and the way he’d changed and yet was still the same blew his mind. “I didn’t know how to help myself either – I didn’t know what it was that I needed so you could never have helped me, Hugh. It wasn’t on you to do it either,” he told him sincerely. It hurt him to know that Hugh had suffered because of him and his ways but as much as he wished he could go back in time as well, he knew there was no way of fixing it now. “It’s hard, you know? Knowing that you thought I knew when I was just…so in the dark about it all for years. I wish you would’ve but at the same time, I can’t blame you. I didn’t think you’d ever wanna deal with me again so…I didn’t reach out either. I thought you were just done,” he said, biting his lip. Hugh’s words stung but they were oh so real at the same time – it broke Nathan’s heart all over again but he was right – it wasn’t enough. “I know. It wasn’t enough for us and it sucks. It sucks so much, Hugh because I wanted it to work so bad but I guess love couldn’t save us,” he confirmed. There’d been too much that had been going wrong, too much he still had to deal with on his own. They’d changed – for better or for worse and what had seemed so easy and perfect when they’d been teens only got more complicated as they became adults alongside each other. Despite their differences, Nathan had always felt connected to Hugh and up until that moment they’d always just worked well together. He trusted the other man and had found a safe space in him. Nathan gave a small nod, biting his lip as he looked down at his feet for a moment. The truth being that he’d never completely recovered but he was over it and that had to be enough. “It’s crazy, isn’t it…? We really were just kids trying to figure stuff out but I never forgot about it, you know? I still held on to it all those years,” Nathan said, pretty much thinking out loud but he meant it. “It took a lot of time for me to adjust though. I thought it’d set us free, too but it was rough for a while,” he told the other male before nodding and taking in a shaky breath. “Yeah – yeah, no, you’re right. I think it needed to happen, too.” At Hugh’s words, Nathan gave him a sad yet genuine smile. “I feel better. Moving here was a good decision for once – I couldn’t stand being in New York any longer and I tried moving before but it was just…it was a mess, really so – I’m just happy we’re both in a good place. I’m happy that you’re happy. I genuinely am. It’s all I wanted for you, too.”

[nathangarrett]

cassandraxwilson·:

“Hey. I’m not just gonna barge my way in if y’all got a good thing going.” She had nothing to do with these new tracks and she had no intention of throwing her weight around just for something to do. If they all wanted her to join in, that was one thing, but she didn’t know which other musicians the producer had lined up for this gig. “We’ll see how it goes, though. I wouldn’t wanna offend you,” she teased. 

Cass sucked in a pained breath at his abrupt admission. Well damn. He certainly cut right to the heart of it. There was still so much about it that she just didn’t want to confront; Cooper had been the one person to continue to hold her up after Cassidy had brought her so low, and to hear him say someone else’s name had devastated her in a way she hadn’t ever expected. It was like something had broken in her the moment the word left his lips. She let out a bitter laugh before shaking her head and glancing at Nathan from the side of her eyes. “There was a lot of fallout from that night. Sorry he dragged you into all of it,” she said honestly, trying not to look too guilty over everything. It was hard to remind herself that not everything was her fault, even if it felt like it. The topic of cars and family values was much easier to focus on, and her smile returned a little as she shrugged her shoulders. “I can’t usually walk a straight line. I can’t roll my tongue or wiggle my ears,” she teased. “Seriously though, there’s plenty I can’t do. I’m terrible with finances. I’m pretty sure my accountant hates me, and my brother just about ripped me a new one when he saw my books for the stables. I totally agree on New York driving though. This baby got put into storage and hardly saw the light of day once I got her there.”

Nathan laughed but gave a shrug. “Just know you’re invited if anyone gives a damn about what I want in that scenario,” he joked – after all he had no idea what to expect but if Cass was going to be there, she might as well get involved depending on what the setting would be like ultimately. With a grin, Nathan raised a brow at her. “Well, you better don’t. I don’t forget easily,” he teased back.

It was a touchy subject, Nathan was painfully aware of that now because once the words had gotten out, there was no taking them back. Things between him and Cooper were still tense as well and Nathan had no idea how to resolve it – not when it was so hard to just talk to Cooper sometimes. He’d never been one to get involved in some kind of dance just to steer clear from any kind of confrontation either – if anything, Nathan was the first to take a step forward but right now he couldn’t quite get over his pride. “God no, we’re all adults, right? He was acting like an absolute idiot so I called him out on it. The stuff I’m dealing with barely has anything to do with you – I just told him what I thought of the situation,” he admitted, shrugging. “I know what I can be like, you know? I know I’m a little harsh sometimes but he lashed out at me and got pretty damn personal so I’m not sure how to approach that kind of mess just now,” Nathan said before letting out a sigh. “It’s not your fault, Cass – things were messy from the start but that was just fucked up on a whole different level,” he told her.

As they moved on from the topic, Nathan was glad that they were both able to relax again and he leaned back into the seat a little before a genuine laugh escaped him at Cass’s answer. “Well shit – those are the real important things in life and you’re telling me you can’t wiggle your ears? That’s fucking rough,” he joked before shrugging. “We all got our weak spots, there’s no shame in that and at least you got people around to put you back in line,” Nathan said with a smile. “That’s a shame but definitely for the better. I probably would’ve lost my mind if I hadn’t relied on public transportation or walking.” The brunet grinned. “I once dated a guy back in New York who had a driver…guess who was never on time for anything?”

[nathangarrett]

beau-mccallum·:

Nextto the handsome man, Beau held his breath as he waited for the other male’sreply and cheerfully grinned.  “Wecertainly do have something special,” he concurred with Nathan.  “Actually,” he started as he eased towardsNathan and started softly kissing along the man’s neck.  “I don’t see you enough,” his breath againstthe back of the man’s ear as he whispered. At Nathan’s lighthearted joke Beau ran his tongue along his lips, “nowMr. Nathan, one could hardly expect me to behave myself in the presence of you.”  After their banter, the two fell back againstthe sofa and Beau nodded at Nathan’s remark. “I know,” he softly stated about Nathan not being a liar.  “I appreciate your honesty.” Their lips foundtheir way into another gentle kiss as they settled in against each other.  Listening to him speak about Stonewall, itjust made everything significantly better. “Have I told you how amazing you are? Because Mr. Nathan, you are amazing.”

Thediscussion of Nathan’s family was draining to say the least.  Beau could feel the tension radiating offNathan’s body and there was nothing he could do on the matter, though hedesperately wanted to make it easy on the man. There appeared to be no right answers in the situation.  Beau’s main concern however was to let Nathanknow he had support regardless of everything.  While Nathan explained his mother, Beau listened quietly stunned by thewoman’s personality.  How did Nathan’sparents turn out such a wonderful, caring man when they were so horrible?  “You must have felt very lonely,” he quietlysaid not realizing he actually spoke his thoughts.  Beau gazed into the man’s eyes with softenedfeatures, “I am sorry you had to deal with all the hurt your parents causedyou.  Believe me when I say this, you areextraordinary Mr. Nathan and whatever you decide I will support you one hundredpercent.”  The blonde stated beforecapturing the other man’s lips.  A smileformed as their lips brushed against each other for a brief moment until Nathandeepened their kiss, setting Beau’s skin ablaze.  

“Youknow what?  I think I can handle that.”  Beau replied as he wiggled his eyebrowstowards the man.  Without hesitation,Beau turned his body and lifted himself from his position and straddled theman.  With his arms around Nathan’s neck,Beau’s brilliant blue eyes gazed down into the deep drowning pools that wereNathan’s eyes and his lips curled.  “Let’ssee if we can help your indecisiveness.” Beau titled his head and brushed his lips against Nathan’s for a momentbefore fully capturing his lips in a fiery kiss.  The southern pressed his body firmly againstthe male’s as one hand reached to the back of Nathan’s and he kissed even morefiercely while the other hand rested against Nathan’s peck applying some pressurewhile his tongue circled Nathan’s.  

Letting out a shaky breath at the sensation of Beau kissing along his neck, Nathan leaned into him more, allowing his eyes to flutter shut. “I agree…it could definitely be more,” he told him. “Well, I’m terribly sorry that I’m such an awful influence on you but you know what they say – it feels good to be bad sometimes, doesn’t it?” He teased playfully, chuckling as he gave Beau’s lips a last peck before pulling away. As they continued talking, Nathan remained close to the other man, smiling softly. It was crazy how genuinely happy he felt in the other man’s presence. Like everything was just right between them. “Don’t give me too much credit. Give yourself some as well because you, Beau, aren’t too shabby either,” he murmured, grinning brightly as he looked back at the other man with bright, warm eyes.

It wasn’t an easy topic to talk about, that was for sure but Nathan trusted Beau enough by now to confide in him and share more than he did in the beginning. He was tense though and just saying those things out loud made his stomach clench and chest ache with how hurtful it still was. Beau’s words hit deep and it astounded Nathan that the other man was able to read him so well despite not having known him for all that long. He looked back at him, blinking as he tried to process them. “I – yeah…it got easier when I was in high school but I felt very lonely as a kid. Even now though, I feel bad for painting my parents in a bad light but thinking back, I was just – by myself, you know?” His voice got quieter as he went on and he was trying hard not to let his emotions get to him. He shook his head at Beau’s words. “Don’t feel sorry for me though. It’s been a long time ago and I still made it somehow so – it’s okay. It just causes a lot of things come back up whenever I’m confronted with it,” he assured but was thankful for the reassuring and warm press of Beau’s lips against his own. “That’s all I could ask for. I’ll try to tell you what’s going on when things come up – I’m not very good at this…sharing stuff when it gets too deep,” he admitted to his lover.

Thankful for the distraction, Nathan eased back into the playfulness between them and couldn’t help but laugh lightly when Beau wiggled his brows at him teasingly. He was quick to welcome Beau in his new position and his arms immediately wrapped around Beau’s slim waist, keeping him close while his hands splayed against his lower back. Nathan looked back up at Beau with a teasing smirk and hummed when their lips brushed once more before kissing the other man back longingly. A gasp escaped him when Beau settled in his lap with a little more force and Nathan parted his lips to let their tongues brush and slide together while his eyes remained shut. He reveled in the closeness and crossed his arms behind Beau’s back, sitting up a little straighter to bring them closer together.