who put SPIDERS on my DICK

Well, hello! Some of you have probably already met my dear cousin Stareye. The name's Stephen Query! I sure hope you like spiders! art credit for sidebar + avatar

[nazcarachnid]

you

Me!

[wizardeyed]

Wtnv proverb generator, @nazcarachnid edition

[spectrvm-blog1]

✵ :::;) -stephen

Under the Mistletoe 

“ Not for all the holiday spirit in the world, buddy. ”

So what are the odds she could break out in a sprint and escape before anything happened?

[nazcarachnid]

Stephen shrugged, smile twitching around the edges but not wavering. 

“Worth a shot!”

[spectrvm-blog1]

She should really consider avoiding mistletoe. And spiders. And spiders combined with mistletoe. Mostly anything that could possibly involve Stephen. It took a special kind of weird to make her skin crawl.

“ … Can I ask why you tried in the first place? ”

Maybe carrying around some Raid wouldn’t hurt either.

[nazcarachnid]

“I thought it’d be fun!”

What more justification did he need? Scratching at his cheek, he cast a meditative look upwards at the mistletoe. Humans and their traditions.

“How’ve you been, Musey?”

[spectrvm-blog1]

✵ :::;) -stephen

Under the Mistletoe 

“ Not for all the holiday spirit in the world, buddy. ”

So what are the odds she could break out in a sprint and escape before anything happened?

[nazcarachnid]

Stephen shrugged, smile twitching around the edges but not wavering. 

“Worth a shot!”

[nazcarachnid]

(⚗⚗⚗⚗৺⚗⚗⚗⚗)

OH ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

[wizardeyed]

In an ironic turn of events, I, the person who is Very Afraid of Spiders, have started saving their lives and finding their eight little eyes to be pretty cute

[nazcarachnid]

/╲/\〳 ᴼ ౪ ᴼ 〵/\╱\

[nazcarachnid]

It was a tiny baBY not even bigger than an M&m the class didn't have to panic

A tiny sweet M&M babyCongratulations you did a good!!

[nazcarachnid]

Today's adventure in spiders: diving onto the art room floor to prevent another student from purposefully crushing a spider- several times. Then escorting the spider outside on a strip of canvas.

!! GOOD JOB WELL DONE your deeds will be remembered eeee u eeee

[jonnyandjay]

Spiderbun, spiderbun, does whatever a Spiderbun does

[wizardeyed]

@nazcarachnid there was a big wolf spider on the floor by my feet just now and everyone agreed to take it outside safely but then some guy stepped up and killed it

[nazcarachnid]

I demand names and addresses

[wizardeyed]

Are you going to put him through a trial by jury

[nazcarachnid]

Sure

[nazcarachnid]

satanizer submitted:

@stephen please come and take your spider friend far far away from here

OH!!! He’s beautiful!!!!!! Of course I’ll take him off your hands!!

[wizardeyed]

@nazcarachnid look at this friemb I saw in french class today

[nazcarachnid]

Ah!! A distinguished gentlespider!!!! I’m glad

[wizardeyed]

@nazcarachnid there was a big wolf spider on the floor by my feet just now and everyone agreed to take it outside safely but then some guy stepped up and killed it

[nazcarachnid]

I demand names and addresses

[buggirl]

Check out dem’ palps! Male spider under the scope in the lab.

Photo Dakota Pollock.

[cocainesick]

It’s spooky out today 🎃

[forgottenboneyard]

Boneweaver - My first bone spider, sold three years ago at Crypticon Minneapolis.

[ferinorum-blog]

Stephen

Stephen waited a moment, watching her with that same unmoving, fixed smile. She was sweating; let her sweat. Her aggression didn’t bother him - if anything, it was amusing, especially combined with her poorly-concealed discomfort. He could do this all day. When he was satisfied that Sophie hadn’t moved, he changed posture, sat up a little straighter, slow and leisurely. Pursing his thin, dry lips, he whistled a low note; the spider on Sophie’s arm stopped in its tracks, then dropped off her immediately, crawling back toward Stephen.

“I’m a demon,” he said, quiet, affable, matter-of fact. He held out a hand for the spider, which crawled willingly into his palm. He lifted it to his lips, casually swallowed it back down to join its brethren, then looked back up at Sophie with a raised eyebrow and a smile. “What are you?”

A demon. Why the hell not? What said she couldn’t possibly run into a spider-demon-thing in the middle of the streets? What law guarded against completely batshit arachnid-infested men from bumping into her? She just had to laugh. 

It was the ugly, wheezing laughter of someone whose elastic was one hair from snapping. The laugh people make when they’re swallowing down vomit, nerves, disbelief, grief. When they try to steady their pulse or stop their organs from twisting into knots underneath their skin. When they are doing their best to hold still, look calm, do anything but the wrong thing. Half of this just had to be in her head. She needed to take a step back and breathe. That had never been her strong suit. 

Sophie’s brain was running along several paths at once. For one, it was pissed- she was debating fighting him, after all, who was he to bump into her on the street? For another, she was nervous- she had an inherent bubble cast around her, her attitude repelled strangers. But here he was, completely calm. Another was assessing the practicality of his statement. Another was determining her response. Another was trying to make sure she didn’t collapse upon herself and turn into a bear in the middle of the street. 

She finished laughing and shot him a shaky thumbs up. Better that than throttling the guy.  “ Well for right now, I’m a human. “ She wasn’t sure if she was half a second away from jumping on the guy or running. 

[nazcarachnid]

Stephen giggled along, quite relaxed and comfortable, at least compared to Sophie’s slightly hysterical laughter. He’d hardly done anything, and she was threatening to fall apart - in the middle of the street, no less! Humans needed someone like him around to shake up their lives. 

With a few jerky movements, he levered himself upright again, stolen corpse unfolding back to its full height. He kept his body language relaxed and calm, watching Sophie and reveling in her complex tangle of emotions; in fact, watching her stance and the way she was tensing, she might even be considering a fight. Wouldn’t that be amusing? 

“I see, I see! So you are,” he replied, giving her an exaggerated wink. Now that was a statement laden with implications, wasn’t it? “And what are you the rest of the time?”