ojovivo
$LAYYYTER
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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oozey mess
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
tannertan36
Cosimo Galluzzi
DEAR READER
⁂
@theartofmadeline
occasionally subtle
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Misplaced Lens Cap
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Three Goblin Art
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
titsay
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
seen from Russia
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seen from United States
seen from Romania
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@neabrownn
The Muse (Masterlist)
Don’t meet your heroes.
They’ll always disappoint you.
Don’t meet your idols.
They’ll never let you go.
When a cover dancer meets her favorite celebrity, the dynamic of fan and idol flips dangerously.
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psycho!won x fan!reader, psychological horror
Part 1 here
Part 2 here
Part 3 here
Part 4 here
Part 5 here
reprogramming | assassin!hongjoong x reader
tags: dark fic!, dubcon, brainwashing, sensory deprivation, sleep deprivation mention, stockholm syndrome, praise kink, creampie, slight aftercare, not proofread
900 sins
the room smelled like rusting metal and antiseptic, causing the back of your throat to sting. the blindfold was tight across your eyes, earplugs dulling everything to a soft hum. your wrists and ankles are cuffed to the sides of the bed, loose enough to let you shift around but not escape.
hongjoong always moved quietly: bare feet on tile, faint rustles of his clothes, soft voice right against the shell of your ear.
"you're doing so well," he murmurs, "just breathe with me, slowly.. that's it." his hand settles on your stomach, rising and falling with each breath.
hongjoong is rationing your sleep now, only allowing 20 minutes here and 40 minutes there, always interrupted by his voice pulling you back to the surface.
"tell me who you work for," he whispers after alarming you back awake, voice still gentle.
you try to hold onto the name, the face of your handler who sent you on this mission, but it blurred more each time. hongjoong's fingers trace slow circles on the inside of your thigh while you though, never rushing you.
"it's okay if you don't remember right now," he whispers, lips brushing your temple. "we have time.. i'm not going anywhere."
sometimes he would pull your earplugs out, whispering soft affirmations, letting them sink into your brain. other times he would remove the blindfold, just enough to let you see his face close to yours in the dim light.
you feel a shift as hongjoong climbs onto the bed beside you, the heat of his body sticking to you. he slides a hand up your thigh, mapping the crease where your thigh met your hip.
"shh," he breathes when you startle, "let it happen. your body knows me."
hongjoong kisses the corner of your mouth, deepening it with his tongue while his fingers dip between your legs. you're slick already, and hongjoong circles your clit in a slow rhythm, pulling whimpers from your throat.
he slips one finger inside you, adding another quickly after before curling them, his thumb working against your clit in tight circles. your walls flutter around him as he pumps his fingers deeper, scissoring them to open you up.
"feel that?" hongjoong mutters, lips brushing your jaw. "your body's listening now.. so wet for me.." he adds a third finger, the slick sounds barely audible with the ear plugs still muffling everything.
your thighs tremble, cuffs clinking softly as you try to rock into his hand, but hongjoong just holds you steady, keeping a slow pace until your orgasm hits. you cum hard, pulsing around his fingers as slick drips down to the sheet beneath you.
hongjoong strips his clothes off before settling between your legs, cock hard and heavy against your thigh. he rubs the head through your folds, coating himself before pushing in inch by inch.
"breathe," he reminds you, voice still gentle. "i've got you.. just let me in."
he lets you adjust for a few seconds before he starts moving, rolling his slowly as he drags against every sensitive spot inside you. the cuffs clinked with every thrust and you couldn't hear much beyond him, the world narrowing to the feeling of his cock dragging in and out of you, his chest pressed to yours.
"tell me," he whispers, thrusting his hips particularly deep, causing you to choke out a whimper, "who do you answer to?"
"you.." you whisper before your mind can catch up with your mouth.
hongjoong rewards you with a grind of his hips, hitting the spot that makes sparks shoot up your spine. you cum again quickly after, leaving you trembling and gasping his name. hongjoong follows you, spilling inside you with a quiet groan as his hips stutter.
he stays buried deep as he catches his breath, his hand stroking your hair and wipes your tears.
"we'll do this as many time as it takes," he says softly, pressing a kiss to your damp forehead. "until you forget everyone else, you'll wake up reaching for me."
hongjoong finally pulls out before using a warm cloth to clean you up, tucking a clean sheet around your body. he leaves you alone for a few seconds before returning with water, letting you drink from his hand.
it was terrifying how easy it felt, how much you craved the times he'd climb in beside you, his gentle hands and voice breaking you slowly.
I have nothing to say…
bandida (p. jay)
this sheriff really wants (to arrest) the town’s bandit
pairing: sheriff!jay x bandit!reader || wc: 3.1k || cw: smut! (with light fluff at the end) enemies to lovers, power imbalance, kissing, making out, rough sex, hate sex (turning passionate), fingering, oral (f rec), p in v, unprotected sex (don't.), creampie, choking, hair pulling, biting, marking, dirty talk, light degradation, light humiliation if you squint, teasing, semi-public sex(?), slight knife play (not really but just in case), possessive!jay, mentions of guns and crimes, use of petnames, strong language || warnings: 18+ content, mdni! || a/n: you don’t know how long i’ve wanted to write something about *this* jay
the saloon doors swing open with a dramatic creak as you step inside, bandana pulled high over your nose, hat tipped low. the oil lamps cast long shadows across the wooden floors, and the chatter dies down the second the patrons notice the glint of your revolver. you’ve done this dance before — quick in, quicker out, always one step ahead of the law.
“evening, gentlemen,” you drawl, voice smooth like whiskey. “hands where i can see them. this won’t take long.”
the bartender’s eyes widen. you leap over the counter with practiced ease, emptying the cash drawer into your satchel while keeping your gun trained on the room. coins and bills disappear fast. a few brave souls reach for their holsters, but you fire a warning shot into the ceiling, plaster raining down.
“don’t be stupid,” you warn, flashing a sharp grin beneath the bandana. “i’m in a generous mood tonight.”
you’re halfway out the back door when you hear it — the unmistakable sound of a horse galloping hard down the main street. sheriff park jongseong. jay. the one man in this dusty town who never seems to quit.
“fuck,” you hiss, bolting into the night.
your horse is waiting in the alley. you swing up and dig your heels in, kicking up dust as you tear out of town toward the hills. the wind whips at your face, heart pounding with the familiar thrill of the chase. jay’s voice cuts through the dark behind you.
“stop right there, bandit! this ends tonight!”
you laugh wildly into the night, leaning low over your horse’s neck. “catch me if you can, sheriff!”
the chase is brutal. his horse is faster, but you know the terrain better — weaving through narrow canyons, jumping over dried riverbeds, cutting sharp turns that force him to slow down. moonlight paints the desert silver as you push harder, lungs burning.
you spot the old abandoned cabin halfway up the ridge — rotting wood, half-collapsed roof, perfect for hiding. you slide off your horse, smack its flank to send it galloping away as a distraction, then slip inside the cabin, pressing your back to the wall beside a broken window. your revolver is heavy in your hand, breath coming fast.
minutes pass. crickets sing. then the slow crunch of boots on dry earth.
“i know you’re in there,” jay calls out, voice low and dangerous. “come out quiet and i might go easy on you.”
you bite your lip to keep from laughing. easy? never with him. the two of you have been playing this game for months — stolen glances in town, near-misses during heists, loaded tension every time your paths cross. you hate how much you look forward to it.
a floorboard creaks outside. you hold your breath.
the door bursts open.
jay storms in, gun raised, eyes scanning the dark. you move fast — kicking his wrist so the gun flies, then tackling him against the wall. both of you crash hard. his hat falls off, revealing messy dark hair and those sharp, furious eyes.
“got you,” you taunt, pressing your forearm to his throat.
he grabs your waist and spins you instantly, slamming your back against the wooden wall. the impact rattles your bones. his body pins yours, thigh wedged between your legs, one large hand locking both your wrists above your head.
“no,” he growls, breath hot against your face. “i’ve got you.”
you’re chest to chest, breathing each other’s air. sweat and gunpowder and desert dust cling to both of you. his eyes drop to your lips for half a second before snapping back up, jaw clenched so tight it looks painful.
“let me go, sheriff,” you whisper, but there’s no real fight in it. not anymore.
“you robbed my town again,” he says, voice rough. “third time this month. you think i’m just gonna let you keep running?”
you tilt your chin up defiantly, lips brushing his as you speak. “then arrest me. or are you too busy staring?”
jay’s grip on your wrists tightens. his thigh presses harder between your legs and you can’t stop the small gasp that escapes. the tension that’s been simmering for months finally boils over.
“you’re trouble,” he mutters, nose brushing yours. “always have been. strutting around like you own the night, making my life a living hell.”
“and yet you chase me every single time.” you roll your hips once, testing. his breath hitches. “maybe you like the trouble, sheriff.”
he curses under his breath. then his mouth crashes into yours.
the kiss is angry — teeth clashing, tongues fighting for dominance. you bite his bottom lip hard and he growls, free hand gripping your jaw to tilt your head how he wants. the bandana slips down around your neck as he devours you, months of frustration pouring out.
you yank one wrist free and fist his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. his thigh grinds up against your core and you moan into his mouth, shameless.
jay pulls back just enough to speak, lips brushing yours. “look at you. so fucking needy after all that running. bet you get wet every time i chase you.”
“shut up,” you hiss, but your hips roll again, chasing friction.
he laughs darkly, low and dangerous. “make me.”
you kiss him harder, tongues sliding hot and messy. his hand slides down your body, rough and possessive, squeezing your breast through your shirt before popping the buttons open. cool night air hits your skin as he yanks the fabric aside.
“pretty,” he mutters, mouth latching onto your neck, sucking a dark mark right below your jaw. “always wondered what you’d look like under all that bandit gear.”
you tug at his belt, impatient. “then stop wondering and do something about it.”
jay spins you around suddenly, pressing your front against the wall. your cheek hits cool wood as he kicks your legs apart. one hand stays pinned above your head while the other yanks your pants down just enough, rough fingers sliding between your folds.
“fuck,” he groans, lips against your ear. “soaking wet. all this time hating me and your pussy is dripping for me?”
“i don’t hate you,” you gasp as two thick fingers push inside without warning. “i just like pissing you off.”
he curls them perfectly, stroking that spot that makes your knees buckle. “liar. you’ve been dying for this cock since the first time i almost caught you.”
you moan loudly, pushing back against his hand. he adds a third finger, stretching you open while his thumb circles your clit in tight, mean strokes. the wet sounds are obscene in the quiet cabin.
“jay— fuck—”
“that’s right. say my name while i ruin you.”
he finger-fucks you harder, faster, until your legs are shaking. right when you’re about to come he pulls his hand away. you whine at the loss, but he’s already spinning you again, dropping to his knees and throwing one of your legs over his shoulder.
his mouth is on you instantly — hot, greedy, tongue fucking into you while his nose grinds against your clit. you cry out, fingers threading through his hair, tugging hard. he groans into your pussy like he’s starving, sucking and licking with filthy enthusiasm.
“taste so fucking good,” he mumbles against you. “better than i imagined. my pretty little bandit.”
you come hard on his tongue, thighs clamping around his head, moaning his name like a prayer. he doesn’t stop — licking you through it, gentling only when you start twitching from oversensitivity.
jay stands up, lips shiny with your release, eyes wild. he kisses you again, letting you taste yourself on his tongue while he frees his cock. thick, hard, and leaking. you wrap your hand around him, stroking once, twice.
“want it?” he taunts, nipping your bottom lip. “been dreaming about this tight bandit pussy for months. tell me how bad you want it.”
you squeeze him harder, thumbing the head. “stop talking and fuck me, park. or are you all talk like every other lawman?”
his eyes flash. he lifts you suddenly, hands under your thighs, and pins you against the wall. the head of his cock nudges your entrance.
“you asked for it.”
he thrusts in with one brutal stroke, burying himself to the hilt. both of you moan loud enough to echo. he’s big, stretching you perfectly, the burn so good it makes your head spin.
“fuck— so tight,” he groans, forehead pressed to yours. “greedy little thing, swallowing my cock like you were made for it.”
you dig your nails into his shoulders. “move, jay. fuck me like you hate me.”
he does.
his hips snap hard and fast, pounding you against the wall with deep, punishing strokes. every thrust hits that spot inside you that makes stars explode behind your eyes. the sound of skin slapping skin mixes with your moans and his low grunts.
“that’s it,” he growls, biting your neck. “take it. take every inch like the bad girl you are.”
you claw at his back, leaving marks through his shirt. he angles his hips differently and you scream, clenching around him.
jay laughs breathlessly. “there? right there? fuck, you squeeze me so good when i hit that spot.”
he keeps that brutal rhythm, one hand coming up to wrap around your throat — not choking, just holding, possessive. his thumb brushes your jaw almost tenderly even as he fucks you senseless.
“been wanting this for so long,” he admits between thrusts. “every time you escaped i’d go home and stroke my cock thinking about shutting that pretty mouth up with my dick.”
“pervert,” you gasp, but you’re smiling, delirious with pleasure.
“your pervert.” he kisses you messily, tongue fucking your mouth in time with his cock. “say it. tell me you wanted this too.”
you’re close again, thighs trembling. “i wanted it— fuck, jay— wanted you so bad. hated how much i wanted you.”
that breaks him.
he fucks you harder, deeper, grinding against your clit with every thrust. his hand slips between you to rub tight circles and you come again with a broken cry, pulsing around his cock.
“good girl— fuck, that’s it— milk my cock just like that.”
a few more brutal thrusts and jay buries himself deep, groaning your name as he fills you up, hot pulses of cum painting your walls. he keeps grinding through it, like he wants to push it deeper.
for a long moment the only sounds are heavy breathing and the distant howl of coyotes.
jay stays buried inside you, forehead pressed to yours, sweat dripping down his temple. slowly, his grip on you gentles. he kisses you again — softer this time, almost sweet.
“you’re still under arrest,” he murmurs against your lips, but there’s a smile in his voice.
you laugh breathlessly, clenching around him on purpose just to hear him groan. “then take me in, sheriff. but you might have to carry me. my legs don’t work anymore.”
he pulls out slowly, cum dripping down your thighs. instead of reaching for handcuffs, he tucks himself away and helps fix your clothes with surprisingly gentle hands.
“next time you rob my town,” he says, brushing a strand of hair from your face, “i’m bending you over my desk instead of chasing you through the desert.”
you smirk, pulling him in for another slow kiss. “promise?”
jay’s eyes darken again, that dangerous hunger still simmering. “yeah, bandit. i promise.”
but he doesn’t arrest you.
instead, he lifts you onto his horse like you weigh nothing, settling you in front of him with one strong arm wrapped around your waist. your back presses against his chest, his chin resting lightly on your shoulder as the horse walks slowly through the desert night. neither of you speaks for a long time. the only sounds are hooves on sand and the distant cry of night birds.
you expect him to turn toward the jailhouse. he doesn’t. he guides the horse toward the edge of town, where a modest but sturdy wooden house sits alone under an old oak tree — the sheriff’s residence.
“you’re not locking me up?” you ask quietly, half-teasing, half-confused.
jay’s arm tightens around you. “not tonight.” his voice is low, rough from everything that just happened. “i’m tired of chasing you. tonight i just… want you close.”
he helps you down, then leads you inside without another word. the house is simple — dark wood, a big fireplace, books stacked neatly on shelves, a rifle hanging above the mantel. it smells like leather, pine, and him. he lights a few lamps, casting everything in warm golden light.
“bath,” he says simply, already moving toward the back room. you follow, legs still shaky.
he fills the metal tub with hot water from the stove, steam curling into the air. you watch him roll his sleeves up, forearms flexing, the same hands that pinned you against the wall now carefully testing the water temperature.
“clothes off,” he murmurs, eyes dark but surprisingly gentle.
you strip slowly under his gaze, bruises and bite marks already blooming on your neck and thighs. jay’s jaw clenches at the sight, but there’s heat in it too. he helps you into the tub, then kneels beside it, rolling a bar of soap between his palms.
his hands on you now are nothing like in the cabin. they’re careful. reverent. he washes your arms, your back, your legs, thumbs pressing lightly into sore muscles. when he reaches the marks he left on your neck, he leans in and kisses them softly.
“why do you do it?” he asks quietly, breaking the thick silence. “the robbing. the running. you’re smart. fast. you could do anything else.”
you lean your head back against the edge of the tub, watching steam rise toward the ceiling. for the first time in years, you feel safe enough to answer honestly.
“my family lost everything when the railroad company came through,” you say. “they took our land. burned our house when my father tried to fight back. called him a criminal for wanting to keep what was his. i was seventeen. watched my mother die from sickness because we couldn’t afford medicine. watched my little brother get sent to a work camp.”
you swallow hard.
“the law didn’t protect us. your law. so i decided if the system was rotten, i’d take what i needed to survive. and then it felt good. the power. making rich men scared for once.”
jay is quiet for a long moment, washing your hair with slow, careful fingers.
“i became sheriff because i believed in the law,” he says eventually. “thought i could make things fair. but i’ve seen what you’re talking about. the corruption. the bribes. the way the big companies own half the judges in this territory.” he sighs. “doesn’t make what you do right… but i understand why.”
you turn your head to look at him. his expression is heavy, conflicted.
“you’ve let me go before,” you whisper. “more than once. why?”
jay’s hand stills in your hair.
“because every time i had you in my sights, something in me didn’t want the chase to end.” he meets your eyes, raw and honest. “because the first time i saw you without the bandana, smiling at a kid in the market like you weren’t the most wanted woman in three counties… i knew i was fucked.”
the air thickens again.
you reach up, wet fingers tracing his jaw. “and now?”
he leans in, pressing his forehead to yours. “now i’m done pretending i only want to catch you.” his voice drops. “i want you. all of you. the thief, the fighter, the girl who moans my name like she hates how much she needs me.”
you pull him into a slow, deep kiss. water sloshes over the side of the tub as he cups your face, kissing you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear with the morning light.
he helps you out, dries you with a soft towel, then carries you to his bed like it’s the most natural thing in the world. he undresses slowly, revealing the scratches you left down his back, the bite mark on his shoulder. you trace them with your fingertips and he shivers.
when he settles between your legs this time, there’s no anger. just heat and need and something frighteningly close to tenderness.
he slides into you in one smooth thrust, both of you groaning at the feeling. this time he moves slow and deep, hips rolling deliberately, eyes locked on yours.
“look at me,” he whispers when your eyes flutter shut. “want to see you while i fuck you in my bed.”
you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. every thrust is measured, grinding, hitting that spot that makes you whimper his name like a secret.
“jay…”
“that’s it, baby. say it again.” he kisses your neck, sucking a fresh mark over the old one. “been dying to hear my name from your lips without all that hate behind it.”
you dig your nails into his shoulders, not scratching this time — just holding on. “feels so good… you feel so good.”
he groans, pace faltering for a moment. “you’re gonna ruin me, you know that?” he kisses you hard, tongue sliding against yours. “i should be throwing you in a cell right now. instead i’m buried inside you wondering how soon i can do this again.”
you laugh breathlessly, then moan when he angles his hips just right. “then keep me here, sheriff. make it worth my while.”
jay fucks you harder after that — still deep, still controlled, but with more urgency. one hand slides between you to rub your clit in tight circles until you’re shaking, clenching around him as you come with his name on your lips.
he follows right after, burying himself deep and spilling inside you with a low, broken groan.
afterwards he doesn’t pull out. he rolls onto his back, keeping you on top of him, cock still nestled inside you as he strokes your back.
“stay,” he says quietly, lips brushing your temple. “not as my prisoner. just… stay.”
you trace lazy patterns on his chest, heart still racing.
“people will talk if they see me here.”
“let them.” his hand slides down to squeeze your ass possessively. “i’ve spent months chasing you across the desert. i’m not letting you go now that i finally have you where i want you.”
you lift your head to look at him. “and what happens when i get the itch to run again?”
jay smiles — slow, dangerous, and unfairly attractive.
“then i’ll chase you again, bandit. but this time when i catch you, i won’t stop at one night in a cabin.” he kisses you softly. “i’ll bring you right back here. every single time.”
you hide your smile against his neck, warmth spreading through your chest that has nothing to do with the sex.
maybe you’re tired of running.
and maybe sheriff park jongseong is the first person in years who makes staying feel like freedom.
© jongst4r, 2026
taglist: @solonenova, @neabrownn, @drowsypanther, @redessertired, @pinkdazed, @enhypenlvrsstuff, @strwberrylhs, @insignificantlillady, @vanillakirstein, @jaeynslutt, @d2iose, @gchirpy, @k13endall, @phjayyy, @unnatrual, @kookiesnkim, @kpopishgirlie, @kaejua, @ineedjaeyun, @moonchild-31, @cortised, @borderdaytwo, @wonrlls, @heartsski, @dollhoonki, @kristynaaah
I’m OBSESSED UGHHHHHHHHHHHH i didn’t know i needed sheriff Jay in my life but then ROMANTIC PINING SHERIFF JAY?
The Muse: The Finale
(Part V)
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psychological horror,
WC: 11k
DISCLAIMER: this is for entertainment purposes only this does not reflect my opinion on any mentioned characters
Content Warnings: psycho fanboy Jungwon, manipulation, intimidation, stalking, obsession, gaslighting, use of the word sasaeng as a description, mutual pining, tracking, isolation, blackmailing, overworking, hitting (1 slap), threats on career, threats on life, knifepoint, imprisonment, escape, depression, Stockholm syndrome, Lima syndrome, mutual (kinda) pining, forced affection, happy ending if you squint, mutual obsession
NSFW Content Warnings: SMUT MDNI DubCon and a lot of it, unprotected sex (pls don’t), cream pie (DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME) hard dom!jungwon, fear play, fingering, clit play, slight choking, dacryphilia, aftercare mentioned but not detailed,
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
The moment you landed in LAX was not the relief you expected. You weren’t happy. You weren’t sad, you weren’t relieved. You were just tired. The world felt like a buzz, like you were in your own bubble that muffled anything else. You made your way to your old apartment complex. You still had the lease. You found your neighbor’s door, a kind older lady that promised to watch after the place. She opened the door with a pleasant surprise.
“Oh hi honey!” She exclaimed pulling you into a hug. “Back already?”
“Hi Mrs. Jenkins.” You murmured tiredly. “Yeah. I’m back for now. Can I have my keys please?”
The next couple days you just stayed in bed. There was nothing else for you to do. You couldn’t call your friends. That would risk them telling Jungwon where you were. You couldn’t go back to the studio. Or you just didn’t want to. So, you kept yourself busy with restoring the apartment.
Mrs. Jenkins came by every once in a while, just to make sure you ate, bringing you sandwiches or casseroles. That’s what you loved about her. She never pried. As you cleaned your room, your hand froze at the wall. Jungwon’s poster was plastered on it, huge and lifelike. You kept it up. Somehow, looking at it didn’t scare you. You still felt hollowed out. But at least it helped you feel less alone.
For 3 weeks you lived back at home. In those three weeks the only people you’ve talked to were Mrs. Jenkins, and a delivery driver. You only went out if absolutely necessary. Not because you were scared. You weren’t. You just couldn’t be bothered.
You laid in bed one morning, clutching a stuffed bat, a cheap replica of the bugged plushy that you found at a local market. It was cheap, poorly made, and the wrong size but you couldn’t bring yourself to walk past it. You curled in on yourself, wondering why, after finally tasting freedom again, it tasted like sand. You knew the reason, deep down. You just wouldn’t let yourself admit it.
——
[Notice] ENHYPEN TASTE:ADDICTION Idol Health Announcement
Hello.
Due to members’ health concerns, the TASTE:ADDICTION World tour will be postponed until further notice.
Meanwhile, Jungwon was a shell of himself. He couldn’t convince himself to eat, to practice, to do anything. All he could do was stare at the photos of you on his phone. Not the secret surveillance photos he took of you. The real ones. The selfies from your dates, the fit checks, the ones where you looked genuinely happy. His efforts in the past few weeks have been futile. He had PI’s, airport security, networks all looking for you and turning up nothing. He was losing hope fast. And Jay tried to keep him afloat. It hurt to see his best friend like this. It did. But he had to keep him in reality. So he visited when he could.
“Hyung.” Jungwon whispered, voice horse from crying for the past few weeks. He blinked at him slowly. His eyes burned from the sleepless nights at the empty live feeds, videos of potential leads, and calls with PI’s in LA, New York, anywhere he could think of to find her. “When will she come back?”
Jay sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Jungwon.” He said softly. “She’s not coming back.”
Jungwon’s face fell. “Right..” he said quietly, voice cracking. He knew that was the truth. He just couldn’t bring himself to believe it.
Jungwon wandered the penthouse aimlessly, as if his body was still instinctively looking for you. Anywhere he looked he’d remember you. The way you would lay sprawled on the couch, legs over his as you watched a movie. He hated how your usual spot at the counter looked empty without you there to fill it. He still made white coffee every day, 2 cups, placing one at your seat, trying to drink the other, but not stomaching it. He hated white coffee. Always did. He only ever started buying it for you. And yet, now that you were gone, couldn’t bring himself to throw it out.
“What if she comes back? She wouldn’t have it if I threw it away.” He whispered to himself. “I have to keep it. If I throw it away she’d be sad. She can’t start her mornings without it.”
When he wasn’t wandering or crying, he sat in the guest room, the one that still had your things in it. For hours on end, he would lay in your room, holding back tears as he tried to take in what was left of you. Were you happy? Were you eating? Did you have your coffee this morning? Do you still dance or did he kill that in you too? He was mourning you. He was going through the five stages of grief. Except for acceptance. He could never accept that you were gone. He still held hope. But hope wasn’t enough to hold on. He was lost without you.
One day, having fallen asleep curled on your bed, Jungwon woke up to a message from one of his hired PIs. He rubbed the painful dried tears from his eyes and unlocked his phone. He squinted at the brightness but read nonetheless.
*Mr. Yang we have a lead in Los Angeles.*
His eyes widened with every word. A sharp breath caught in his throat. A lead. Which means you were alive. You were okay. A whirl of emotions crashed over him so fast it made his head spin. Hope, Joy, relief, but along with all of that…fear. What if it was a false lead? Or worse, what if it were true? If he saw you face to face again how would you react? What could he even say to you in that moment? He wasn’t afraid of the loss of you now. He was afraid of himself. With shaking hands he dialed a number.
“Send me the coordinates.”
——-
Your LA apartment didn’t feel like home. It felt like a tomb. You couldn’t find the strength to reach out to your friends, or find ways to make yourself happy again. Sure you were alive, but you weren’t living. You moved through your home like a zombie. You had only enough capacity to cook the simplest meals simply to not die, to clean up after yourself and every once in a while, check the news. After reading the notification of the postponing of the concert, you tossed your old computer aside. You didn’t even have a phone. You left it in that hallway.
You didn’t want to come to terms with it. You couldn’t. But the loneliness was eating you alive. You stared into the wall, not knowing what to feel. Freedom didn’t feel as good as you thought it would.
“Fuck.” You whispered to yourself, your voice barely audible even to yourself. “I miss him.”
You clutched the bat plushy to your chest. It wasn’t warm. It wasn’t comforting. But you couldn’t let it go for whatever reason. You dozed off, trying to forget. But you still remembered.
The sun has set by now. You barely even moved. You sat against your head board, knees to your chest, clutching the plushy against you. You were so far in your thoughts, wondering what could have been, that you didn’t hear door creak open.
“Baby?”
You didn’t react. You didn’t even tense. You just…were. Jungwon took a hesitant step into your bedroom, sounding way smaller than you’ve ever heard him. You didn’t look up.
Jungwon stared at you, this empty version of yourself, and his eyes welled with tears. “Baby is that really you?”
You slowly looked up, but not at him. Your gaze remained unfocused, like you didn’t see him. He looked completely different. Thinner, paler, eyes bloodshot and raw. You couldn’t bare seeing him this small. So you simply looked away.
Jungwon took another shaky step. Then another. He fell to his knees against your bed. “You left.” He whispered, his voice thick with unshed tears. “You left me. I thought I lost you for good.” He couldn’t handle the pressure anymore, slumping his forehead against the edge of your bedding, like he was praying. “I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t do anything when you were gone. But here you are. Right in front of me. But like this...” He murmured through his tears, muffled by your bed. “I’m so sorry baby.”
You watched him, unmoving. Unfeeling. And yet your heart was cracking, little by little. He looked up at you, his reddened eyes wet with newly shed tears. “If you want me to leave, I’ll go. Just say it. I’ll never bother you again. I will leave right now.” Suddenly his face contorted with a new kind of grief as he took in a choked gasp of air. “But please let me stay. Please, my angel. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll change. I’ll give you everything. All the codes, a new phone, a new house, whatever you want.” He sobbed. “Just please don’t send me away.” His hand reached out to touch your leg, to have some form of contact, but he hesitated, scared that if he touched you, you might disappear. He withdrew his hand, his eyes searching yours. You still haven’t even moved. You couldn’t. You were too numb to think, speak, feel, all you can do is watch your bias, your sasaeng, your prison, crumble in front of you.
“Please say something.” He choked out. “You can say you hate me, scream at me, hit me…fuck it you can kill me if you want, please just say something. Anything. I can’t live in the quiet anymore, baby please. Just one word.” He dropped his head against your mattress once again, like the weight of his own brain was too much for him.
You finally looked at him. Really looked at him. The way he was distraught, pathetic, remorseful for the way he ruined you. Your lips, dry from days of silence, moved. “I loved you so much.” You whispered hoarsely. “I looked up to you.”
He didn’t look up. But his shoulders shook at the sound of your voice. You continued. “I was a huge fan. Your posters were all over my walls. I followed all the content you put out. I wanted to be like you. You were my hero. ” Tears welled in your eyes. “You should have let me stay a fan, Jungwon.”
Those words hit him like bullets. He crumpled against your bed. “I know.” He choked out, his hands now fisting your sheets. “I know I fucked up. But you weren’t just a fan to me. You never were. You were…you are everything to me, angel.” He looked up at you eyes wild with agony. “I can still be that Jungwon. I can be the hero again, baby, I’ll change. I’ll do whatever you want. Please just tell me, that I didn’t fully kill you.” He buried his face back into your sheets, sobbing out quiet, broken “pleases” and “I’m sorry’s”.
Jungwon squeezed his eyes shut, leaving wet marks in your sheets with his tears as heavy sobs wracked his body. He didn’t know what was next. He didn’t know if he’d even survive your next words. But then, a shaking hand reached out, hesitantly stroking his hair. The relief of your touch was so strong it was painful. He slumped forward, leaning into your touch, with a groan that was half pain half surrender.
You hated this. You hated seeing him cry over you like this when he was the one that ruined your life. You hated that he looked for and found you. You hate that he refused to let go even now. And you hated admitting to yourself that you are glad he did. The dam finally broke as you burst into tears. Hearing you cry, Jungwon scrambled desperately to you, throwing his arms around your waist sobbing into your lap. You held eachother, sobbing for your past, present, and uncertain future until it exhausted you both.
——
You stayed in that silence. The uncertain silence that comes after a soul shattering. You were still against your headboard, staring into space with stinging, tired eyes. Jungwon stayed kneeling on the ground, his head resting on your lap as your fingers carded through his hair absentmindedly. The air in the room was thick and heavy, practically vibrating with all the things that should have been said, should have been addressed. But you were too tired for any more revelations. One thing at a time.
Jungwon broke the silence first, his voice a weak thread. “I wouldn’t blame you if you hate me. Or if you send me away. ” He blinked slowly, trying to quell the burning of his eyes. “I know I don’t have a right to ask. But…please, come back with me.”
You kept silent. You didn’t know what to say, what to do. You didn’t want to go back to the cage. But you didn’t want to stay here. You hated him. But you couldn’t stand the thought of him even walking out that door without you. You simply were too tired to think. If you went back with Jungwon, you’d lose your freedom. If you stay here, you’d lose yourself.
“I know I’m not…normal when it comes to you. But I can change, I’ll get help for both of us.” Jungwon turned to look up at you, eyes bloodshot and pleading. “I’ll do anything you want. Even if you decide to stay here. Let me stay nearby. I’ll quit the stage, I’ll move here. Please, just let me stay with you.
You finally dropped your gaze to him. He looked so small, so vulnerable in your lap, trying to seek comfort from the very thing he destroyed. He ruined your life, yeah, that’s a fact. But he also ruined you for anyone else. Because just like any drug that can ruin your life, you have become addicted.
“We’re both fucked up, aren’t we Jungwon?” You whispered.
“Yeah.” He agreed, settling his head in your lap again, turning to press his forehead against your stomach. “I think we’ve ruined for each other anyone else.”
—-
The flight back to Seoul was silent. It felt like the calm after a storm. You were sleeping off the stress of the past 3 weeks on Jungwon’s shoulder. But Jungwon refused to sleep a wink. He watched you, holding your hand in his, like you’d disappear if he blinked or let go. He leaned down and pressed a hesitant kiss to your temple.
“I love you, my angel.” He whispered.
You didn’t answer. In your sleep you just heaved a sleepy sigh and shifted to get comfortable. Jungwon smiled a bitter sweet little simper. That was as good of an answer he could hope for right now.
The moment the elevator doors of the penthouse opened, you froze. Jungwon looked back at you, eyes weary. He tensed, almost like he was ready for you to bolt and he was ready to chase. His eyes tracked you, but not with a predatory stare but the wide eyed gaze of someone in the dark terrified of losing the only source of light.
“Angel?” He asked, his voice shaking.
You took a step back. Instinctively, he took a step forward. “Jungwon.” You whispered. He froze. “If I stay, promise me one thing.”
Jungwon closed the distance between you in two strides, pulling you into a tight desperate hug. “Anything.”
You hesitated for a moment before murmuring into his shoulder. “The cameras have to go.”
Jungwon stiffened, his grip on you becoming tighter. The cameras. How was he supposed to know you were safe at all times, that you didn’t leave him at all times, without cameras?
“A small price to pay.” He forced a whisper. “Anything for you.”
That night, Jungwon disabled the elevator code. The door of the penthouse stayed unlocked for the first time ever. Another test. “If you still decide to leave, you can.” Jungwon said, refusing to look at you. “But tonight is your last chance. If I wake up and you’re gone I won’t go looking for you anymore. But if you stay...” He looked at you cautiously. “I’ll close the door again. We’ll both be stuck here together. Okay?”
You didn’t answer as you laid down in bed. You didn’t even change. Jeans, hoodie and all, you climbed into bed and faced away. Just in case you made up your mind.
Jungwon laid beside you. He clutched your sleeve tightly. He was terrified. This was the least amount of power he ever had over you, even when you were apart. He couldn’t look inside your brain, it was the only place he didn’t have tabs on. But he was giving you a choice. One that he couldn’t make for you. Fear of a possibility without you gripped him painfully. He wanted to stay awake the whole night, just in case. Just in case you decided to leave in the middle of the night he could at least try to convince you to stay. But the pull of sleep was too strong and his eyes faded shut.
—-
You startled yourself awake in the dark room. You stared at Jungwon’s sleeping face. He’s sleeping, but he wasn’t peaceful. His breath would hitch every once in a while, his eyebrows furrowing. The fingers clutching your sleeve would tighten, loosen, tighten. This is the only chance you get. You know that. You stared at the open bedroom door.
The elevator was right there. All you’d have to do is get up and walk out. He’d never look for you again. He’d leave you alone. You wouldn’t have to hide anymore. Your heart raced in your chest, but you couldn’t move. I need to go. We’ll both heal eventually. You thought to yourself. But that was not convincing. You knew deep down that you might not survive regardless of whether you go or stay.
——
The next morning Jungwon awoke. He let out a muffled groan, blindly feeling the space next to him, but found it empty. His stomach dropped. She left.. His heart sank. Maybe.. maybe left to the bathroom. The bed was still warm. Which means you left not too long ago. You laid there till dawn making up your mind and chose to leave anyway. Jungwon didn’t want to open his eyes. Opening them meant you were really gone. For good this time. A hot pressure built behind his shut eyes, but he refused to cry. Whats the point? Crying wouldn’t bring you back.
He forced himself to face the music. He opened his eyes to find…. your back. You were asleep curled up on the corner of the bed, just out of reach. Your hoodie was gone, leaving you in just your tanktop and jeans. Which means you didn’t just stay. You got comfortable.
Jungwon’s breath escaped in a short shaky huff. You stayed. His slow, heavy pulse quickened, as his head spun with relief and ecstasy. You had the choice between freedom and Jungwon and you chose him. Jungwon reached out, wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you into his chest slowly, careful not to wake you. Once he had you in his arms, tucked safely under his chin, Jungwon finally allowed himself a soft smile. He pressed his face into your neck, breathing you in, letting his heartbeat slowly align with yours. The moment you stirred, Jungwon didn’t flinch, nor did he tighten his grip, though instincts told him he has to.
You opened your eyes to the familiar sight of Jungwon’s bedroom. So him finding me wasn’t a dream. Then you felt it. The warmth of his chest against your back, the heaviness of his arm around your waist, anchoring you to him, and the comforting pressure of his forehead leaning against the crown of your head. You shifted, turning to face him. He was already awake, looking at you with pupils blown with a relieved, sleepy joy.
“You’re here.” He whispered softly, like he was too afraid to disturb the air. “You stayed.”
“I did.” You replied quietly, voice cracking. “I didn’t know where I’d rather go.”
“Then I’ll make sure you won’t regret it.“ he said, brushing your hair out of your face. “I’ll spend the rest of our lives, worshiping the ground you walk on. You’ll never want for anything again, baby. I promise.”
“At what cost?” You asked, yet you didn’t move away. “My freedom?”
He gave you a long look, as if trying to find the right words. Instead, he decided, pulling you closer, pressing his forehead against yours. “At the cost of our freedom.”
Jungwon tentatively lifted your chin, searching your eyes before pressing his lips to yours. This was real. He was real. You were back in the arms of your stalker, kidnapper, and your only source of comfort left in this world. You felt safest with the most dangerous man in your life. Your eyes fluttered shut as you kissed him back, anxious to feel more of the worship he promised.
“I missed you.” Jungwon whispered into the kiss. “I missed you so fucking much.”
- - -
You wouldn’t quite call it a relationship yet. It was more of a codependency, a mutual imprisonment. You and Jungwon ruined each other, yes, but now you couldn’t exist without eachother. That put you on somewhat of an even playing field.
Jungwon was once again the gentle, doting boyfriend you remembered when ignorance was still bliss. He showered you with gifts, with attention, with love. He loved gifting you expensive jewelry, clothing, flowers, for any occasion. Sure the way he loved was odd and dangerous at times. But it was genuine at least.
“Keep them closed.” He said excitedly one day, pressing his palm against your eyes as he pulled something out of his pocket.
“You’re so giddy today.” You smiled against his hand. “What’s the occasion?”
“There’s no occasion.” He pulled his hand away. You opened your eyes to see a small box.
“More jewelry, Won?” You giggled. But Jungwon wasn’t laughing. He watched you face with staggering intensity like your reaction to whatever this is going to determine his life.
You opened the box to reveal a set of bracelets. 2 small dainty things. You pulled one out, your eyes lighting up. “They’re beautiful!” You exclaimed.
“Put it on.” He said softly, taking it from your hands and clasping it onto your wrist. Then he took the other bracelet, clasping it onto himself with shaking fingers. “Do you feel it?”
You were about to shake your head when you finally did. The bracelet was warm to the touch, warmer than your skin. Then you felt the soft rhythmic vibration against your inner wrist. Your eyes widened. “Is that…is that my pulse?”
“No.” He replied, looking into your eyes. “It’s mine.”
You stared at the bracelet in shock and wonder. The soft thrum of Jungwon’s pulse hummed against you. It was quick, not quite racing, but still frantic. He met your gaze with soft widened eyes. He took your hand in his shaking one, clasping your fingers tightly.
“I..” He started, his voice cracking slightly. You felt the rhythm of the bracelet jump. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I know I’m not..normal when it comes to you. But I don’t want you to think that I just want to keep you as a thing I own. You’re everything to me, I can’t live without you.” The pulse of the bracelet quickened again. “I just wanted something to remind you that my heart beats only because you let it and well…this is the only way I could think of.”
It was a weird gift. There was something so creepy about having another heartbeat thrum against your vein. It was downright disturbing. To anyone else but you. To you it was beautiful.
“Jungwon..” You choked out, tears pooling in your eyes.
He looked away for a moment brows furrowed at your tears. “I knew it might have been too-“
You threw your arms around his neck, feeling his heartbeat hammer against your wrist and his chest. “It’s perfect.” You sobbed out. “I love it.”
He relaxed against you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. “And I love you.” He murmured, his voice muffled against your hair. “I’m yours just as much as you are mine. And I’ll spend the rest of my life reminding you of that.”
He stayed true to his word and made sure you didn’t want for anything. But it did in fact come at the price of your freedom. Jungwon still locked the doors. He still gifted you tracking devices and kept your arm in his grip in public. He still decided who you talked to, where you went, what you ate. And since he agreed to get rid of the cameras that stripped you of your privacy, he instead controlled your autonomy by always keeping you in his line of sight.
Even during the tour, the one that finally happened after months of postponement, he did not give you a moment of alone time. You slept in his hotel rooms, your flight tickets were all seated next to him. Even on stage, while the world screamed for him, you felt his eyes burn into you. All the numbers you danced with him, felt like a threat and a promise. He kept his eyes locked on you, never the fans, his grip on your waist, tightening with every move. Each step was a silent you’re mine.
You cheered him on backstage as he performed for the rest of the world. He was excited, you could feel it against your wrist.
“They really know how to put on a show, don’t they?” You turned around, smiling at Jason, one of the male backup dancers.
“Yeah.” You replied, turning your gaze back to the stage. “They’re amazing.”
“Yeah, especially Heeseung. He’s my absolute favorite tor watch.” Jason gushed, before turning back to the stage also. “Sorry, I’m a bit of a fanboy, I get weird. Do you have a bias?”
“Yeah, I do.” You smile softly, looking down, tracing the bracelet. “Jungwon.”
“Oh yeah Jungwon is amazing, you know he’s always so helpful and-“
You felt Jungwon’s heartbeat grow heavy against your wrist with a thump that felt like a threat. Your gaze shot back up to the stage as your own heart froze. Jungwon was staring back at you, his eyes hard with a warning glare. You gulped, taking a step away from Jason.
After the concert was over, Jungwon yanked you back into the hotel room, pinning you against the door frame. “You’re never talk to him again, got it?” He hissed, wrapping a hand around the back of your neck to force your forehead against his. “He doesn’t even have the right to your eye contact.”
“Jungwon, he was just-“
“Talk to him again, and I’ll make sure he loses his job and you lose the ability to walk for the next 3 days.” He cut you off, his grip tightening around your neck. “You’re mine. Say it! Say that you belong to me.”
You heave a shakey sigh knowing he wasn’t bluffing. “I belong to you, Jungwon.”
“Good.” Jungwon, held you tighter, not even allowing an atom between you two as he captured your lips in a desperately angry kiss. “Don’t you ever forget that.”
The hand that held your neck trailed down to your hem immediately. There was to gentleness or hesitance. You weren’t expecting any. You lifted your arms mid kiss as he roughly yanked your shirt off.
“Every inch of you..” he breathed against your neck, voice trembling with need as his fingers made quick work of your pants. “Every fucking inch of you belongs to me.”
You let out a pained gasp as he bit into the sensitive skin of your neck, hard enough to leave you with a dark quickly blooming mark. He licked over your skin like he was sealing the bite as he yanked your pants down along with your panties, letting them fall around your ankles. He moved lower, marking your breasts with love bites and hickies.
“Won!” You gasped in both pleasure and pain. “No marks…Won the…the tour..Someone’s gonna see!”
“That’s the whole point angel.” He rumbled against your skin as his knee pressed up sharply between your thighs. “I want everyone to see you marked up.”
He grabbed your thighs, hoisting you up as he crashed his lips into yours, determined to get your mouth as flushed and swollen as possible. “And anyway.” He said, unceremoniously dropping you on the bed. He pinned you with one hand on your stomach, forcing you to stay not with his strength, but his eyes. He reached down swiping a finger through your soaked folds, making your hips twitch shamelessly. He smirked, pulling his hand away, showing off his glistening fingers. “You don’t want me to stop, do you baby?”
You made a small sound that sounded nothing like a protest. He chuckled, watching you with blown pupils. “Let me ask you something.” He whispered, his hand finding your clit, pinching hard. You yelped from the pleasure and pain, bucking hard into his hand . “How do you think KORA fans would react,” he pushed his fingers into your entrance, slow and cruelly precise. “If they saw me treating their lead dancer like this?”
You couldn’t speak a legible sentence, your mind turning into mush as he pushed a third finger in. “Fuck-k, Won….Jungwon please!” You whimpered, head thrashing against the bed.
“What, angel?” He taunted, curling his fingers again, pressing his thumb hard on your clit. “Use your words.” His eyes were wild as he drank in every face, every twitch, every whine. He pushed in a third finger, stretching you so perfectly.
“Please!” You sobbed, clutching his hand, not sure whether to push it away or pull it closer. “Please fuck me, I need it so bad!”
“It?” He raised his brow. “What’s ’it?’”
“Your cock!” You whined out, no pride left, just need. “I need your cock, please just fuck me!”
He suddenly pulled his hand away, the absence of his fingers almost painful. He stared down at you with an unreadable gaze as his hands made quick work of his belt. “If I ever..” Jungwon hissed. “If I ever see you talking to someone who thinks they have a right to touch what’s mine..” he leaned in close. “I will ruin their lives and lock you back in the penthouse. You’ll live the rest of your life only seeing my face. Got it?”
“I..got it, I swear!” You nodded frantically, tears of frustration pooling in your eyes. “I’ll be good!”
“That’s what I thought.” Jungwon smirked, yanking his pants down revealing his cock, hot and throbbing. He kneeled on the bed, his eyes demanding you don’t move. “Open up.” As if on instinct your legs spread wide enough for him to slot himself between them.
He reached for you, grabbing your thighs and yanked you forward. You yelped at the sudden movement, your hips pulled right onto his lap, legs dangling on either side of his hips. Without anymore preamble, Jungwon bottomed out in one powerful thrust. You wailed his name at the intense stretch, immediately clutching onto him.
“That’s right, Angel.” He muttered, fingers digging into the plush of your thighs as he surged forward again. “Keep crying for me.”
He set a slow, punishing pace, slamming his hips into yours hard but slow enough for you to feel every ridge, every vein of his cock. “Don’t you ever fucking think of even looking at someone else.” He muttered, leaning over you. He grabbed a handful of your hair, pulling your head back to expose your neck. “Never even think of leaving.”
“I…I-“ you gasped, eyes blurring from the pleasure and tears. “I won’t!” You sobbed out.
“God, you’re so pretty with teary eyes.” He groaned, his hips moving faster. He leaned in, his lips grazing the shell of your ear. “Makes me want to make you take more just so I can see you cry again.”
You were too lost in the haze to say anything, each of his thrusts forcing a broken whimper out of you. You clung to his shoulders, nails leaving crescents in his skin as your orgasm built fast. “I’m gonna-“
“No you’re not.” He snarled, stilling completely. You let out a frustrated sob at the loss of friction. “You come when I say, got it?” He began moving slowly again, painfully, cruelly slow. It was enough to torture you, but not enough for you to finish.
“No please!” You begged, bucking against him, eager to find the speed you need. “Please!”
“Please what?” He asked, roughly wiping away your tears to look into your eyes. “What do you want? You need to use your words, not your pathetic whining.”
“Please let me cum!” You begged, face burning, body aching with a heated need.
He leaned in close, softly kissing the corner of your mouth. “No. You’re going to keep taking my cock until I say you’re done.”
“Please!” You sobbed, the heat in your belly coiling rapidly. “I’m sorry! I won’t look at anyone else, please let me come I’m sorry!”
“There it is.” He whispered shakily, barely holding on himself. “Thats what I was looking for.”
He finally sped up, his thighs flexing under yours as he sped up, hitting all of your sweet spots till your vision whited out and you screamed his name like a mantra. He couldn’t make anymore demands, or say anything else for that matter.
“Fuck..” was all he was able to muster out, as he watched you writhe in pleasure under him. It was the most profoundly beautiful thing he had ever seen. Tears welled in his eyes. “My angel..” he whispered. “Now. Cum now!”
As if on cue the peak crashed over you like a tidal wave. You cried out, clenching around him tightly as he rode out your orgasm. Jungwon gasped your name as his hips stuttered. “Baby, I…” Jungwon couldn’t even finish his sentence. He came deep inside you with a pathetic cry before collapsing on top of you. His eyes immediately softened as he rolled off of you and pulled you into his arms. As you recovered, eyes barely open, you thought about the irony of your dynamic.
Even when he controlled you, he did so with trembling reverence. He did everything in his power to keep you happy. Because he may have all of the control over your life, but you held all the power over his sanity.
One wrong look could immediately put him on edge, one tear could make him spiral. Now, his worst fear wasn’t your escape. It was your refusal of his love. Even a slight dodge of his kiss would make him panic, scrambling to figure out how to fix what he had done, promising you more luxury, promising you his devotion, promising to get better. But you didn’t want him better anymore. You leaned into his crushing embrace, you stopped flinching at the sound of the deadbolt, and the nights like these when he ruined your body, you knew that he’d piece you back together so gently in the morning. You wanted him exactly like this. Crazy, controlling and yet completely at your mercy.
As you laid in his arms, eyes barely open, body heavy with exhaustion from his touch, he looked at you like you hung the moon.
“Baby.” He’d plead gently, pulling you closer, knowing you couldn’t escape his grip. “Are you happy here? With me?”
You opened your eyes to see the gentle face of the monster that took everything from you. You thought about his question for a while. You knew the door was locked with a code only he knew. You were in his shirt, in his bed, his arms wrapped around your waist, bruised by his fingertips. On your wrist sat a priceless bracelet, not because of the diamonds on it, but the high end tracker in its clasp that pulsed with his life. The cameras were gone, but the surveillance wasn’t. You had no privacy, no respite from him and yet….
“Baby?” He whispered again, tensing beside you, his grip on you tightening. He searched your face with frantically devoted eyes. “Please say something.” He whispered shakily. “Please tell me that you’re happy with me. I need to hear it. Please just say you like being mine.”
You looked into his warm, intense eyes, the ones that tricked you into loving him. “I’m happy.” You whispered, craning up to kiss his jaw. “I’m happy, Won.”
He slumped against you in relief, his lips finding yours in the dark. “I love you.” He whispered against your mouth. “I love you so much.”
You had a long way to go till your love could be considered healthy. It wasn’t. It was jagged, terrifyingly toxic and dangerous. But it was yours. And you’d be damned if you ever parted with it. You gave a soft genuine sigh of contentment.
“I love you too, Jungwon.”
—- Epilogue
Your relationship was becoming gentler and sweeter day by day. The locked doors were still under his control and his pulse still reminded you of your power over him, but you loved it. And you loved how much he loved you, cared for you, worshipped you. At the price of your obedience you got his undying loyalty. You weren’t just addicted to Jungwon’s control. You craved it.
He never gave you a reason to doubt him. How could he when all of his time was spent with you? He was completely yours. During the tour he was especially devoted. He refused to take other dance partners, to the point that if you would be dancing with someone else, he refuse to go on stage. And the moment you came off that stage you landed into his arms. And in the rare moments that you were not around, when he was an interview or when you were practicing with KORA, you had his heartbeat to tell you exactly where he was.
And despite his threats before, he did not change the lineup of your team. He wouldn’t risk making you sad. You and your team begin to enjoy luxuries the most idol groups didn’t have. You got to choreograph your own dances, and work on the choreographies of other groups, especially ENHYPEN. You were making a name for yourself within the shadows and Jungwon was your biggest supporter. He wanted you to get the recognition you deserved, with the condition that the only love you cared about was his.
“You deserve everything. You deserve all of the fame, all of the awe. “ he whispered one night, as he held you in the tub, gently massaging the stress of the day out of your body. “The world can worship you from afar.” He whispered, pressing his lips to the shell of your ear. “ But you’re mine to love. Mine to keep. Never forget that.”
—-
The next day, still fuzzy, warm, and happy with all the attention he gave you last night, you made your way to the KORA practice room.
But as you passed an open door, you heard a friendly laugh and a shy feminine voice. “Thank you for your help senior!”
You froze at the sound of another voice. Jungwon’s. “Yeah, it’s no problem, Minah!” He sounded friendly. Too friendly for your liking. You peered into the practice room to see Jungwon helping a group of trainees with their choreography.
A young trainee you knew as Amy was trying and failing at a particularly difficult transition. “Senior, am I doing it correctly?” She asked, bright eyes looking up at Jungwon like he was her hero. You watched, clenching your jaw as you watched for his reaction.
“Almost, Amy!” Jungwon called from a few feet away, watching the trainees with this arms folded, looking like a dutiful mentor. “You’re doing great! Just move your arm a little higher-yep perfect, just like that.”
How fucking dare he? You thought to yourself. He wasn’t touching her, or looking at her some type of way. His heartbeat on your wrist was even and slow. He was completely calm and unbothered. But he was smiling at her. He complimented her. Jungwon, the man that took your freedom, paid for your attention and cried for your love is now smiling at some young little bitch.
You didn’t feel hurt. You didn’t scream. You just felt a rush of cold stiff anger ice your veins. With a steady hand you pushed the door open. At the sound of the creek, all heads turned to you. As the trainees bowed with respectful, “hello senior’s” Jungwon finally looked over. His eyes lit up with excitement, his pulse jumped happily.
“My angel, you’re back!” He exclaimed, rushing over to you, opening his arms to pull you into a hug. “How was-“
You stepped dodged his embrace, eyes cold. His smiled faltered as his arms dropped to his sides. “Baby?” He had the nerve to look confused.
With a cold glare you stepped away from the doorway, turning your back and walking away. “Baby, wait!” He called, running after you. “What happened? Are you okay?”
You didn’t answer. You didn’t even look at him, you just kept walking. You had nothing to say to him.
On the ride home he tried again. “Baby, please just tell me what’s wrong.” He pleaded.
You didn’t talk. Once you came to the penthouse, you heard the deadbolt lock but you didn’t care. He followed you around the penthouse, begging you to talk to him, bribing you with promises. You didn’t answer. You didn’t care. Every time he reached out to hold you, to touch you, you didn’t give him so much as a glance.
At night in the bedroom, he watched you, seated on your bed with wide glassy eyes. “Please angel.” He said, voice cracking. “I’ll do anything. Baby I’m begging you, just look at me.” You could feel his pulse thudding heavily, painfully against your wrist. It was like his heart was killing itself, begging you to talk to him. You gave a tired sigh in response. He gazed up at you with hope as you approached the bed. But you just grabbed your favorite pillow and left the room, walking upstairs to the guest room that used to be yours.
“No baby wait!” Jungwon shouted, scrambling to follow you. “You’re going to sleep in the other room? Please just come back to bed please, you know I can’t sleep without you!”
You closed the door in his face. Jungwon slumped against the door, shaking. You really shut him out.
——
The next day you let him trail you like a dog all day. And you didn’t care about his begging, his offers, his pleads. He tried everything. Gifts, food, affection. He even promised you expensive trips.
“I’ll take you to Paris. Milan. Tokyo. Anywhere you want.” He begged. “Just say something! Anything!”
You refused to even look at him, your irritation only building. He followed you to the living room, to the bedroom, to the elevator. Even in the entertainment building he would rather trail you than practice with his members. He’d stand at the doorway of the KORA practice room, eyes hollow, just watching you.
At home you were cutting up fruit in the kitchen. And Jungwon was hovering behind you. “Baby, I can’t take it anymore. Please just tell me what I did. I’ll fix it.” He murmured, his forehead dropping against the crown of your head. “Hit me, scream at me. Just don’t stay quiet. Baby please, I’ll fix it. I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry.” He begged, his voice broken and weak. “Please baby, just say something I’m begging you.” His grip on you tightened. You almost gave in but then you remembered his smile at the trainees. The nerve.
You whirled around, that fire he fell in love with flashing in your eyes. You held the knife to his chest. Jungwon met your glare with a look of complete devotion not fear. He looked relieved, as if dying by your hands was far better than being ignored. Your eyes burned with a unique passionate fury. To him it was beautiful.
“What, did you think that you and I play by different rules?” You snapped. “If you ever so much as smile at another girl again,” you hissed, pressing down enough for the threat to be real. “I will end you. I will ruin your career, I’ll ruin their careers, and then I will kill you myself.”
To Jungwon that wasn’t a threat. That was a love confession. You were ready to take his life to keep him. In his book, that meant you cared. You cared where his loyalties lie, and you’ll do anything to protect that. The broken, bleary eyed look in his eyes slowly melted into a twisted sort of endearment.
“Baby.” He whispered. “Are you jealous?” He pulled the knife out of your hand, letting it clatter to the floor. He trapped you against the counter between his arms. He gazed into your eyes with awe, like he just discovered the secret to eternal life. “Was that really all it took? Me smiling at the trainees made you like this?” You glared at him as he teased, his voice still shaking with overwhelming love. “Look at you. Look at how angry you are, it just makes loving you all the more sweeter. You’d do anything to keep me, wouldn’t you-“
SMACK
Jungwon’s head snapped to the side. You both froze, the silence in the kitchen rang out with the sound of your heavy breathing. You gasped at your own action, your hand falling down as fast as it came up. Jungwon slowly turned his head back to you, eyes dark. A cold jagged fear built up in your stomach, as you watched his face go blank and his pulse rocket. You actually struck him.
Your anger shattered into a panic. “Jungwon, I just” your breath hitched as you tried to apologize to the man staring into your soul. “I…I didn’t mean to-“
“No.”
Jungwon’s hand shot down, grabbing your hand and pressing it to his still reddened cheek. His eyes rolled back as if feeling your touch was a drug he could never quit. His own pulse race against your wrist as he turned his head and pressed a kiss to your palm. He grinned deliriously, leaning into your palm. “That was the sexiest thing you’ve ever done.”
“What?” You managed out shakily.
He pressed your body further against the counter, dropping his forehead to yours. His dark eyes bore into yours with a manic devotion as he held your hand against his face, refusing to let go.
“Do it again.”
-The End.
@elikajinnie @jongst4rs @cherryw0n @strxwbloody @laylasbunbunny @goosemantheweeb @kikizzz0
A/N Thank you guys so much for reading! This is the last part of the Muse series. This is my first series fic I’ve posted and I really hoped you guys liked it. It’s also my first attempt at dark romance, so as usual I’m SCAREDDDDDDDD.
Thank you for holding me down girl! You the VIP
I will actually cry thank you so much ❤️
Muse: YJW (Teaser)
Don’t meet your heroes.
They’ll always disappoint you.
Don’t meet your idols.
They’ll never let you go.
When a cover dancer meets her favorite celebrity, the dynamic of fan and idol flips dangerously.
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psycho!won x fan!reader, psychological horror
Part 1 here
Part 2 here
Part 3 here
Part 4 here
Part 5 coming soon
Yall idk why it isn’t letting me add it here but part 5 is out guys.
The Muse: The Finale
(Part V)
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psychological horror,
WC: 11k
DISCLAIMER: this is for entertainment purposes only this does not reflect my opinion on any mentioned characters
Content Warnings: psycho fanboy Jungwon, manipulation, intimidation, stalking, obsession, gaslighting, use of the word sasaeng as a description, mutual pining, tracking, isolation, blackmailing, overworking, hitting (1 slap), threats on career, threats on life, knifepoint, imprisonment, escape, depression, Stockholm syndrome, Lima syndrome, mutual (kinda) pining, forced affection, happy ending if you squint, mutual obsession
NSFW Content Warnings: SMUT MDNI DubCon and a lot of it, unprotected sex (pls don’t), cream pie (DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME) hard dom!jungwon, fear play, fingering, clit play, slight choking, dacryphilia, aftercare mentioned but not detailed,
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
The moment you landed in LAX was not the relief you expected. You weren’t happy. You weren’t sad, you weren’t relieved. You were just tired. The world felt like a buzz, like you were in your own bubble that muffled anything else. You made your way to your old apartment complex. You still had the lease. You found your neighbor’s door, a kind older lady that promised to watch after the place. She opened the door with a pleasant surprise.
“Oh hi honey!” She exclaimed pulling you into a hug. “Back already?”
“Hi Mrs. Jenkins.” You murmured tiredly. “Yeah. I’m back for now. Can I have my keys please?”
The next couple days you just stayed in bed. There was nothing else for you to do. You couldn’t call your friends. That would risk them telling Jungwon where you were. You couldn’t go back to the studio. Or you just didn’t want to. So, you kept yourself busy with restoring the apartment.
Mrs. Jenkins came by every once in a while, just to make sure you ate, bringing you sandwiches or casseroles. That’s what you loved about her. She never pried. As you cleaned your room, your hand froze at the wall. Jungwon’s poster was plastered on it, huge and lifelike. You kept it up. Somehow, looking at it didn’t scare you. You still felt hollowed out. But at least it helped you feel less alone.
For 3 weeks you lived back at home. In those three weeks the only people you’ve talked to were Mrs. Jenkins, and a delivery driver. You only went out if absolutely necessary. Not because you were scared. You weren’t. You just couldn’t be bothered.
You laid in bed one morning, clutching a stuffed bat, a cheap replica of the bugged plushy that you found at a local market. It was cheap, poorly made, and the wrong size but you couldn’t bring yourself to walk past it. You curled in on yourself, wondering why, after finally tasting freedom again, it tasted like sand. You knew the reason, deep down. You just wouldn’t let yourself admit it.
——
[Notice] ENHYPEN TASTE:ADDICTION Idol Health Announcement
Hello.
Due to members’ health concerns, the TASTE:ADDICTION World tour will be postponed until further notice.
Meanwhile, Jungwon was a shell of himself. He couldn’t convince himself to eat, to practice, to do anything. All he could do was stare at the photos of you on his phone. Not the secret surveillance photos he took of you. The real ones. The selfies from your dates, the fit checks, the ones where you looked genuinely happy. His efforts in the past few weeks have been futile. He had PI’s, airport security, networks all looking for you and turning up nothing. He was losing hope fast. And Jay tried to keep him afloat. It hurt to see his best friend like this. It did. But he had to keep him in reality. So he visited when he could.
“Hyung.” Jungwon whispered, voice horse from crying for the past few weeks. He blinked at him slowly. His eyes burned from the sleepless nights at the empty live feeds, videos of potential leads, and calls with PI’s in LA, New York, anywhere he could think of to find her. “When will she come back?”
Jay sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Jungwon.” He said softly. “She’s not coming back.”
Jungwon’s face fell. “Right..” he said quietly, voice cracking. He knew that was the truth. He just couldn’t bring himself to believe it.
Jungwon wandered the penthouse aimlessly, as if his body was still instinctively looking for you. Anywhere he looked he’d remember you. The way you would lay sprawled on the couch, legs over his as you watched a movie. He hated how your usual spot at the counter looked empty without you there to fill it. He still made white coffee every day, 2 cups, placing one at your seat, trying to drink the other, but not stomaching it. He hated white coffee. Always did. He only ever started buying it for you. And yet, now that you were gone, couldn’t bring himself to throw it out.
“What if she comes back? She wouldn’t have it if I threw it away.” He whispered to himself. “I have to keep it. If I throw it away she’d be sad. She can’t start her mornings without it.”
When he wasn’t wandering or crying, he sat in the guest room, the one that still had your things in it. For hours on end, he would lay in your room, holding back tears as he tried to take in what was left of you. Were you happy? Were you eating? Did you have your coffee this morning? Do you still dance or did he kill that in you too? He was mourning you. He was going through the five stages of grief. Except for acceptance. He could never accept that you were gone. He still held hope. But hope wasn’t enough to hold on. He was lost without you.
One day, having fallen asleep curled on your bed, Jungwon woke up to a message from one of his hired PIs. He rubbed the painful dried tears from his eyes and unlocked his phone. He squinted at the brightness but read nonetheless.
*Mr. Yang we have a lead in Los Angeles.*
His eyes widened with every word. A sharp breath caught in his throat. A lead. Which means you were alive. You were okay. A whirl of emotions crashed over him so fast it made his head spin. Hope, Joy, relief, but along with all of that…fear. What if it was a false lead? Or worse, what if it were true? If he saw you face to face again how would you react? What could he even say to you in that moment? He wasn’t afraid of the loss of you now. He was afraid of himself. With shaking hands he dialed a number.
“Send me the coordinates.”
——-
Your LA apartment didn’t feel like home. It felt like a tomb. You couldn’t find the strength to reach out to your friends, or find ways to make yourself happy again. Sure you were alive, but you weren’t living. You moved through your home like a zombie. You had only enough capacity to cook the simplest meals simply to not die, to clean up after yourself and every once in a while, check the news. After reading the notification of the postponing of the concert, you tossed your old computer aside. You didn’t even have a phone. You left it in that hallway.
You didn’t want to come to terms with it. You couldn’t. But the loneliness was eating you alive. You stared into the wall, not knowing what to feel. Freedom didn’t feel as good as you thought it would.
“Fuck.” You whispered to yourself, your voice barely audible even to yourself. “I miss him.”
You clutched the bat plushy to your chest. It wasn’t warm. It wasn’t comforting. But you couldn’t let it go for whatever reason. You dozed off, trying to forget. But you still remembered.
The sun has set by now. You barely even moved. You sat against your head board, knees to your chest, clutching the plushy against you. You were so far in your thoughts, wondering what could have been, that you didn’t hear door creak open.
“Baby?”
You didn’t react. You didn’t even tense. You just…were. Jungwon took a hesitant step into your bedroom, sounding way smaller than you’ve ever heard him. You didn’t look up.
Jungwon stared at you, this empty version of yourself, and his eyes welled with tears. “Baby is that really you?”
You slowly looked up, but not at him. Your gaze remained unfocused, like you didn’t see him. He looked completely different. Thinner, paler, eyes bloodshot and raw. You couldn’t bare seeing him this small. So you simply looked away.
Jungwon took another shaky step. Then another. He fell to his knees against your bed. “You left.” He whispered, his voice thick with unshed tears. “You left me. I thought I lost you for good.” He couldn’t handle the pressure anymore, slumping his forehead against the edge of your bedding, like he was praying. “I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t do anything when you were gone. But here you are. Right in front of me. But like this...” He murmured through his tears, muffled by your bed. “I’m so sorry baby.”
You watched him, unmoving. Unfeeling. And yet your heart was cracking, little by little. He looked up at you, his reddened eyes wet with newly shed tears. “If you want me to leave, I’ll go. Just say it. I’ll never bother you again. I will leave right now.” Suddenly his face contorted with a new kind of grief as he took in a choked gasp of air. “But please let me stay. Please, my angel. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll change. I’ll give you everything. All the codes, a new phone, a new house, whatever you want.” He sobbed. “Just please don’t send me away.” His hand reached out to touch your leg, to have some form of contact, but he hesitated, scared that if he touched you, you might disappear. He withdrew his hand, his eyes searching yours. You still haven’t even moved. You couldn’t. You were too numb to think, speak, feel, all you can do is watch your bias, your sasaeng, your prison, crumble in front of you.
“Please say something.” He choked out. “You can say you hate me, scream at me, hit me…fuck it you can kill me if you want, please just say something. Anything. I can’t live in the quiet anymore, baby please. Just one word.” He dropped his head against your mattress once again, like the weight of his own brain was too much for him.
You finally looked at him. Really looked at him. The way he was distraught, pathetic, remorseful for the way he ruined you. Your lips, dry from days of silence, moved. “I loved you so much.” You whispered hoarsely. “I looked up to you.”
He didn’t look up. But his shoulders shook at the sound of your voice. You continued. “I was a huge fan. Your posters were all over my walls. I followed all the content you put out. I wanted to be like you. You were my hero. ” Tears welled in your eyes. “You should have let me stay a fan, Jungwon.”
Those words hit him like bullets. He crumpled against your bed. “I know.” He choked out, his hands now fisting your sheets. “I know I fucked up. But you weren’t just a fan to me. You never were. You were…you are everything to me, angel.” He looked up at you eyes wild with agony. “I can still be that Jungwon. I can be the hero again, baby, I’ll change. I’ll do whatever you want. Please just tell me, that I didn’t fully kill you.” He buried his face back into your sheets, sobbing out quiet, broken “pleases” and “I’m sorry’s”.
Jungwon squeezed his eyes shut, leaving wet marks in your sheets with his tears as heavy sobs wracked his body. He didn’t know what was next. He didn’t know if he’d even survive your next words. But then, a shaking hand reached out, hesitantly stroking his hair. The relief of your touch was so strong it was painful. He slumped forward, leaning into your touch, with a groan that was half pain half surrender.
You hated this. You hated seeing him cry over you like this when he was the one that ruined your life. You hated that he looked for and found you. You hate that he refused to let go even now. And you hated admitting to yourself that you are glad he did. The dam finally broke as you burst into tears. Hearing you cry, Jungwon scrambled desperately to you, throwing his arms around your waist sobbing into your lap. You held eachother, sobbing for your past, present, and uncertain future until it exhausted you both.
——
You stayed in that silence. The uncertain silence that comes after a soul shattering. You were still against your headboard, staring into space with stinging, tired eyes. Jungwon stayed kneeling on the ground, his head resting on your lap as your fingers carded through his hair absentmindedly. The air in the room was thick and heavy, practically vibrating with all the things that should have been said, should have been addressed. But you were too tired for any more revelations. One thing at a time.
Jungwon broke the silence first, his voice a weak thread. “I wouldn’t blame you if you hate me. Or if you send me away. ” He blinked slowly, trying to quell the burning of his eyes. “I know I don’t have a right to ask. But…please, come back with me.”
You kept silent. You didn’t know what to say, what to do. You didn’t want to go back to the cage. But you didn’t want to stay here. You hated him. But you couldn’t stand the thought of him even walking out that door without you. You simply were too tired to think. If you went back with Jungwon, you’d lose your freedom. If you stay here, you’d lose yourself.
“I know I’m not…normal when it comes to you. But I can change, I’ll get help for both of us.” Jungwon turned to look up at you, eyes bloodshot and pleading. “I’ll do anything you want. Even if you decide to stay here. Let me stay nearby. I’ll quit the stage, I’ll move here. Please, just let me stay with you.
You finally dropped your gaze to him. He looked so small, so vulnerable in your lap, trying to seek comfort from the very thing he destroyed. He ruined your life, yeah, that’s a fact. But he also ruined you for anyone else. Because just like any drug that can ruin your life, you have become addicted.
“We’re both fucked up, aren’t we Jungwon?” You whispered.
“Yeah.” He agreed, settling his head in your lap again, turning to press his forehead against your stomach. “I think we’ve ruined for each other anyone else.”
—-
The flight back to Seoul was silent. It felt like the calm after a storm. You were sleeping off the stress of the past 3 weeks on Jungwon’s shoulder. But Jungwon refused to sleep a wink. He watched you, holding your hand in his, like you’d disappear if he blinked or let go. He leaned down and pressed a hesitant kiss to your temple.
“I love you, my angel.” He whispered.
You didn’t answer. In your sleep you just heaved a sleepy sigh and shifted to get comfortable. Jungwon smiled a bitter sweet little simper. That was as good of an answer he could hope for right now.
The moment the elevator doors of the penthouse opened, you froze. Jungwon looked back at you, eyes weary. He tensed, almost like he was ready for you to bolt and he was ready to chase. His eyes tracked you, but not with a predatory stare but the wide eyed gaze of someone in the dark terrified of losing the only source of light.
“Angel?” He asked, his voice shaking.
You took a step back. Instinctively, he took a step forward. “Jungwon.” You whispered. He froze. “If I stay, promise me one thing.”
Jungwon closed the distance between you in two strides, pulling you into a tight desperate hug. “Anything.”
You hesitated for a moment before murmuring into his shoulder. “The cameras have to go.”
Jungwon stiffened, his grip on you becoming tighter. The cameras. How was he supposed to know you were safe at all times, that you didn’t leave him at all times, without cameras?
“A small price to pay.” He forced a whisper. “Anything for you.”
That night, Jungwon disabled the elevator code. The door of the penthouse stayed unlocked for the first time ever. Another test. “If you still decide to leave, you can.” Jungwon said, refusing to look at you. “But tonight is your last chance. If I wake up and you’re gone I won’t go looking for you anymore. But if you stay...” He looked at you cautiously. “I’ll close the door again. We’ll both be stuck here together. Okay?”
You didn’t answer as you laid down in bed. You didn’t even change. Jeans, hoodie and all, you climbed into bed and faced away. Just in case you made up your mind.
Jungwon laid beside you. He clutched your sleeve tightly. He was terrified. This was the least amount of power he ever had over you, even when you were apart. He couldn’t look inside your brain, it was the only place he didn’t have tabs on. But he was giving you a choice. One that he couldn’t make for you. Fear of a possibility without you gripped him painfully. He wanted to stay awake the whole night, just in case. Just in case you decided to leave in the middle of the night he could at least try to convince you to stay. But the pull of sleep was too strong and his eyes faded shut.
—-
You startled yourself awake in the dark room. You stared at Jungwon’s sleeping face. He’s sleeping, but he wasn’t peaceful. His breath would hitch every once in a while, his eyebrows furrowing. The fingers clutching your sleeve would tighten, loosen, tighten. This is the only chance you get. You know that. You stared at the open bedroom door.
The elevator was right there. All you’d have to do is get up and walk out. He’d never look for you again. He’d leave you alone. You wouldn’t have to hide anymore. Your heart raced in your chest, but you couldn’t move. I need to go. We’ll both heal eventually. You thought to yourself. But that was not convincing. You knew deep down that you might not survive regardless of whether you go or stay.
——
The next morning Jungwon awoke. He let out a muffled groan, blindly feeling the space next to him, but found it empty. His stomach dropped. She left.. His heart sank. Maybe.. maybe left to the bathroom. The bed was still warm. Which means you left not too long ago. You laid there till dawn making up your mind and chose to leave anyway. Jungwon didn’t want to open his eyes. Opening them meant you were really gone. For good this time. A hot pressure built behind his shut eyes, but he refused to cry. Whats the point? Crying wouldn’t bring you back.
He forced himself to face the music. He opened his eyes to find…. your back. You were asleep curled up on the corner of the bed, just out of reach. Your hoodie was gone, leaving you in just your tanktop and jeans. Which means you didn’t just stay. You got comfortable.
Jungwon’s breath escaped in a short shaky huff. You stayed. His slow, heavy pulse quickened, as his head spun with relief and ecstasy. You had the choice between freedom and Jungwon and you chose him. Jungwon reached out, wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you into his chest slowly, careful not to wake you. Once he had you in his arms, tucked safely under his chin, Jungwon finally allowed himself a soft smile. He pressed his face into your neck, breathing you in, letting his heartbeat slowly align with yours. The moment you stirred, Jungwon didn’t flinch, nor did he tighten his grip, though instincts told him he has to.
You opened your eyes to the familiar sight of Jungwon’s bedroom. So him finding me wasn’t a dream. Then you felt it. The warmth of his chest against your back, the heaviness of his arm around your waist, anchoring you to him, and the comforting pressure of his forehead leaning against the crown of your head. You shifted, turning to face him. He was already awake, looking at you with pupils blown with a relieved, sleepy joy.
“You’re here.” He whispered softly, like he was too afraid to disturb the air. “You stayed.”
“I did.” You replied quietly, voice cracking. “I didn’t know where I’d rather go.”
“Then I’ll make sure you won’t regret it.“ he said, brushing your hair out of your face. “I’ll spend the rest of our lives, worshiping the ground you walk on. You’ll never want for anything again, baby. I promise.”
“At what cost?” You asked, yet you didn’t move away. “My freedom?”
He gave you a long look, as if trying to find the right words. Instead, he decided, pulling you closer, pressing his forehead against yours. “At the cost of our freedom.”
Jungwon tentatively lifted your chin, searching your eyes before pressing his lips to yours. This was real. He was real. You were back in the arms of your stalker, kidnapper, and your only source of comfort left in this world. You felt safest with the most dangerous man in your life. Your eyes fluttered shut as you kissed him back, anxious to feel more of the worship he promised.
“I missed you.” Jungwon whispered into the kiss. “I missed you so fucking much.”
- - -
You wouldn’t quite call it a relationship yet. It was more of a codependency, a mutual imprisonment. You and Jungwon ruined each other, yes, but now you couldn’t exist without eachother. That put you on somewhat of an even playing field.
Jungwon was once again the gentle, doting boyfriend you remembered when ignorance was still bliss. He showered you with gifts, with attention, with love. He loved gifting you expensive jewelry, clothing, flowers, for any occasion. Sure the way he loved was odd and dangerous at times. But it was genuine at least.
“Keep them closed.” He said excitedly one day, pressing his palm against your eyes as he pulled something out of his pocket.
“You’re so giddy today.” You smiled against his hand. “What’s the occasion?”
“There’s no occasion.” He pulled his hand away. You opened your eyes to see a small box.
“More jewelry, Won?” You giggled. But Jungwon wasn’t laughing. He watched you face with staggering intensity like your reaction to whatever this is going to determine his life.
You opened the box to reveal a set of bracelets. 2 small dainty things. You pulled one out, your eyes lighting up. “They’re beautiful!” You exclaimed.
“Put it on.” He said softly, taking it from your hands and clasping it onto your wrist. Then he took the other bracelet, clasping it onto himself with shaking fingers. “Do you feel it?”
You were about to shake your head when you finally did. The bracelet was warm to the touch, warmer than your skin. Then you felt the soft rhythmic vibration against your inner wrist. Your eyes widened. “Is that…is that my pulse?”
“No.” He replied, looking into your eyes. “It’s mine.”
You stared at the bracelet in shock and wonder. The soft thrum of Jungwon’s pulse hummed against you. It was quick, not quite racing, but still frantic. He met your gaze with soft widened eyes. He took your hand in his shaking one, clasping your fingers tightly.
“I..” He started, his voice cracking slightly. You felt the rhythm of the bracelet jump. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I know I’m not..normal when it comes to you. But I don’t want you to think that I just want to keep you as a thing I own. You’re everything to me, I can’t live without you.” The pulse of the bracelet quickened again. “I just wanted something to remind you that my heart beats only because you let it and well…this is the only way I could think of.”
It was a weird gift. There was something so creepy about having another heartbeat thrum against your vein. It was downright disturbing. To anyone else but you. To you it was beautiful.
“Jungwon..” You choked out, tears pooling in your eyes.
He looked away for a moment brows furrowed at your tears. “I knew it might have been too-“
You threw your arms around his neck, feeling his heartbeat hammer against your wrist and his chest. “It’s perfect.” You sobbed out. “I love it.”
He relaxed against you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. “And I love you.” He murmured, his voice muffled against your hair. “I’m yours just as much as you are mine. And I’ll spend the rest of my life reminding you of that.”
He stayed true to his word and made sure you didn’t want for anything. But it did in fact come at the price of your freedom. Jungwon still locked the doors. He still gifted you tracking devices and kept your arm in his grip in public. He still decided who you talked to, where you went, what you ate. And since he agreed to get rid of the cameras that stripped you of your privacy, he instead controlled your autonomy by always keeping you in his line of sight.
Even during the tour, the one that finally happened after months of postponement, he did not give you a moment of alone time. You slept in his hotel rooms, your flight tickets were all seated next to him. Even on stage, while the world screamed for him, you felt his eyes burn into you. All the numbers you danced with him, felt like a threat and a promise. He kept his eyes locked on you, never the fans, his grip on your waist, tightening with every move. Each step was a silent you’re mine.
You cheered him on backstage as he performed for the rest of the world. He was excited, you could feel it against your wrist.
“They really know how to put on a show, don’t they?” You turned around, smiling at Jason, one of the male backup dancers.
“Yeah.” You replied, turning your gaze back to the stage. “They’re amazing.”
“Yeah, especially Heeseung. He’s my absolute favorite tor watch.” Jason gushed, before turning back to the stage also. “Sorry, I’m a bit of a fanboy, I get weird. Do you have a bias?”
“Yeah, I do.” You smile softly, looking down, tracing the bracelet. “Jungwon.”
“Oh yeah Jungwon is amazing, you know he’s always so helpful and-“
You felt Jungwon’s heartbeat grow heavy against your wrist with a thump that felt like a threat. Your gaze shot back up to the stage as your own heart froze. Jungwon was staring back at you, his eyes hard with a warning glare. You gulped, taking a step away from Jason.
After the concert was over, Jungwon yanked you back into the hotel room, pinning you against the door frame. “You’re never talk to him again, got it?” He hissed, wrapping a hand around the back of your neck to force your forehead against his. “He doesn’t even have the right to your eye contact.”
“Jungwon, he was just-“
“Talk to him again, and I’ll make sure he loses his job and you lose the ability to walk for the next 3 days.” He cut you off, his grip tightening around your neck. “You’re mine. Say it! Say that you belong to me.”
You heave a shakey sigh knowing he wasn’t bluffing. “I belong to you, Jungwon.”
“Good.” Jungwon, held you tighter, not even allowing an atom between you two as he captured your lips in a desperately angry kiss. “Don’t you ever forget that.”
The hand that held your neck trailed down to your hem immediately. There was to gentleness or hesitance. You weren’t expecting any. You lifted your arms mid kiss as he roughly yanked your shirt off.
“Every inch of you..” he breathed against your neck, voice trembling with need as his fingers made quick work of your pants. “Every fucking inch of you belongs to me.”
You let out a pained gasp as he bit into the sensitive skin of your neck, hard enough to leave you with a dark quickly blooming mark. He licked over your skin like he was sealing the bite as he yanked your pants down along with your panties, letting them fall around your ankles. He moved lower, marking your breasts with love bites and hickies.
“Won!” You gasped in both pleasure and pain. “No marks…Won the…the tour..Someone’s gonna see!”
“That’s the whole point angel.” He rumbled against your skin as his knee pressed up sharply between your thighs. “I want everyone to see you marked up.”
He grabbed your thighs, hoisting you up as he crashed his lips into yours, determined to get your mouth as flushed and swollen as possible. “And anyway.” He said, unceremoniously dropping you on the bed. He pinned you with one hand on your stomach, forcing you to stay not with his strength, but his eyes. He reached down swiping a finger through your soaked folds, making your hips twitch shamelessly. He smirked, pulling his hand away, showing off his glistening fingers. “You don’t want me to stop, do you baby?”
You made a small sound that sounded nothing like a protest. He chuckled, watching you with blown pupils. “Let me ask you something.” He whispered, his hand finding your clit, pinching hard. You yelped from the pleasure and pain, bucking hard into his hand . “How do you think KORA fans would react,” he pushed his fingers into your entrance, slow and cruelly precise. “If they saw me treating their lead dancer like this?”
You couldn’t speak a legible sentence, your mind turning into mush as he pushed a third finger in. “Fuck-k, Won….Jungwon please!” You whimpered, head thrashing against the bed.
“What, angel?” He taunted, curling his fingers again, pressing his thumb hard on your clit. “Use your words.” His eyes were wild as he drank in every face, every twitch, every whine. He pushed in a third finger, stretching you so perfectly.
“Please!” You sobbed, clutching his hand, not sure whether to push it away or pull it closer. “Please fuck me, I need it so bad!”
“It?” He raised his brow. “What’s ’it?’”
“Your cock!” You whined out, no pride left, just need. “I need your cock, please just fuck me!”
He suddenly pulled his hand away, the absence of his fingers almost painful. He stared down at you with an unreadable gaze as his hands made quick work of his belt. “If I ever..” Jungwon hissed. “If I ever see you talking to someone who thinks they have a right to touch what’s mine..” he leaned in close. “I will ruin their lives and lock you back in the penthouse. You’ll live the rest of your life only seeing my face. Got it?”
“I..got it, I swear!” You nodded frantically, tears of frustration pooling in your eyes. “I’ll be good!”
“That’s what I thought.” Jungwon smirked, yanking his pants down revealing his cock, hot and throbbing. He kneeled on the bed, his eyes demanding you don’t move. “Open up.” As if on instinct your legs spread wide enough for him to slot himself between them.
He reached for you, grabbing your thighs and yanked you forward. You yelped at the sudden movement, your hips pulled right onto his lap, legs dangling on either side of his hips. Without anymore preamble, Jungwon bottomed out in one powerful thrust. You wailed his name at the intense stretch, immediately clutching onto him.
“That’s right, Angel.” He muttered, fingers digging into the plush of your thighs as he surged forward again. “Keep crying for me.”
He set a slow, punishing pace, slamming his hips into yours hard but slow enough for you to feel every ridge, every vein of his cock. “Don’t you ever fucking think of even looking at someone else.” He muttered, leaning over you. He grabbed a handful of your hair, pulling your head back to expose your neck. “Never even think of leaving.”
“I…I-“ you gasped, eyes blurring from the pleasure and tears. “I won’t!” You sobbed out.
“God, you’re so pretty with teary eyes.” He groaned, his hips moving faster. He leaned in, his lips grazing the shell of your ear. “Makes me want to make you take more just so I can see you cry again.”
You were too lost in the haze to say anything, each of his thrusts forcing a broken whimper out of you. You clung to his shoulders, nails leaving crescents in his skin as your orgasm built fast. “I’m gonna-“
“No you’re not.” He snarled, stilling completely. You let out a frustrated sob at the loss of friction. “You come when I say, got it?” He began moving slowly again, painfully, cruelly slow. It was enough to torture you, but not enough for you to finish.
“No please!” You begged, bucking against him, eager to find the speed you need. “Please!”
“Please what?” He asked, roughly wiping away your tears to look into your eyes. “What do you want? You need to use your words, not your pathetic whining.”
“Please let me cum!” You begged, face burning, body aching with a heated need.
He leaned in close, softly kissing the corner of your mouth. “No. You’re going to keep taking my cock until I say you’re done.”
“Please!” You sobbed, the heat in your belly coiling rapidly. “I’m sorry! I won’t look at anyone else, please let me come I’m sorry!”
“There it is.” He whispered shakily, barely holding on himself. “Thats what I was looking for.”
He finally sped up, his thighs flexing under yours as he sped up, hitting all of your sweet spots till your vision whited out and you screamed his name like a mantra. He couldn’t make anymore demands, or say anything else for that matter.
“Fuck..” was all he was able to muster out, as he watched you writhe in pleasure under him. It was the most profoundly beautiful thing he had ever seen. Tears welled in his eyes. “My angel..” he whispered. “Now. Cum now!”
As if on cue the peak crashed over you like a tidal wave. You cried out, clenching around him tightly as he rode out your orgasm. Jungwon gasped your name as his hips stuttered. “Baby, I…” Jungwon couldn’t even finish his sentence. He came deep inside you with a pathetic cry before collapsing on top of you. His eyes immediately softened as he rolled off of you and pulled you into his arms. As you recovered, eyes barely open, you thought about the irony of your dynamic.
Even when he controlled you, he did so with trembling reverence. He did everything in his power to keep you happy. Because he may have all of the control over your life, but you held all the power over his sanity.
One wrong look could immediately put him on edge, one tear could make him spiral. Now, his worst fear wasn’t your escape. It was your refusal of his love. Even a slight dodge of his kiss would make him panic, scrambling to figure out how to fix what he had done, promising you more luxury, promising you his devotion, promising to get better. But you didn’t want him better anymore. You leaned into his crushing embrace, you stopped flinching at the sound of the deadbolt, and the nights like these when he ruined your body, you knew that he’d piece you back together so gently in the morning. You wanted him exactly like this. Crazy, controlling and yet completely at your mercy.
As you laid in his arms, eyes barely open, body heavy with exhaustion from his touch, he looked at you like you hung the moon.
“Baby.” He’d plead gently, pulling you closer, knowing you couldn’t escape his grip. “Are you happy here? With me?”
You opened your eyes to see the gentle face of the monster that took everything from you. You thought about his question for a while. You knew the door was locked with a code only he knew. You were in his shirt, in his bed, his arms wrapped around your waist, bruised by his fingertips. On your wrist sat a priceless bracelet, not because of the diamonds on it, but the high end tracker in its clasp that pulsed with his life. The cameras were gone, but the surveillance wasn’t. You had no privacy, no respite from him and yet….
“Baby?” He whispered again, tensing beside you, his grip on you tightening. He searched your face with frantically devoted eyes. “Please say something.” He whispered shakily. “Please tell me that you’re happy with me. I need to hear it. Please just say you like being mine.”
You looked into his warm, intense eyes, the ones that tricked you into loving him. “I’m happy.” You whispered, craning up to kiss his jaw. “I’m happy, Won.”
He slumped against you in relief, his lips finding yours in the dark. “I love you.” He whispered against your mouth. “I love you so much.”
You had a long way to go till your love could be considered healthy. It wasn’t. It was jagged, terrifyingly toxic and dangerous. But it was yours. And you’d be damned if you ever parted with it. You gave a soft genuine sigh of contentment.
“I love you too, Jungwon.”
—- Epilogue
Your relationship was becoming gentler and sweeter day by day. The locked doors were still under his control and his pulse still reminded you of your power over him, but you loved it. And you loved how much he loved you, cared for you, worshipped you. At the price of your obedience you got his undying loyalty. You weren’t just addicted to Jungwon’s control. You craved it.
He never gave you a reason to doubt him. How could he when all of his time was spent with you? He was completely yours. During the tour he was especially devoted. He refused to take other dance partners, to the point that if you would be dancing with someone else, he refuse to go on stage. And the moment you came off that stage you landed into his arms. And in the rare moments that you were not around, when he was an interview or when you were practicing with KORA, you had his heartbeat to tell you exactly where he was.
And despite his threats before, he did not change the lineup of your team. He wouldn’t risk making you sad. You and your team begin to enjoy luxuries the most idol groups didn’t have. You got to choreograph your own dances, and work on the choreographies of other groups, especially ENHYPEN. You were making a name for yourself within the shadows and Jungwon was your biggest supporter. He wanted you to get the recognition you deserved, with the condition that the only love you cared about was his.
“You deserve everything. You deserve all of the fame, all of the awe. “ he whispered one night, as he held you in the tub, gently massaging the stress of the day out of your body. “The world can worship you from afar.” He whispered, pressing his lips to the shell of your ear. “ But you’re mine to love. Mine to keep. Never forget that.”
—-
The next day, still fuzzy, warm, and happy with all the attention he gave you last night, you made your way to the KORA practice room.
But as you passed an open door, you heard a friendly laugh and a shy feminine voice. “Thank you for your help senior!”
You froze at the sound of another voice. Jungwon’s. “Yeah, it’s no problem, Minah!” He sounded friendly. Too friendly for your liking. You peered into the practice room to see Jungwon helping a group of trainees with their choreography.
A young trainee you knew as Amy was trying and failing at a particularly difficult transition. “Senior, am I doing it correctly?” She asked, bright eyes looking up at Jungwon like he was her hero. You watched, clenching your jaw as you watched for his reaction.
“Almost, Amy!” Jungwon called from a few feet away, watching the trainees with this arms folded, looking like a dutiful mentor. “You’re doing great! Just move your arm a little higher-yep perfect, just like that.”
How fucking dare he? You thought to yourself. He wasn’t touching her, or looking at her some type of way. His heartbeat on your wrist was even and slow. He was completely calm and unbothered. But he was smiling at her. He complimented her. Jungwon, the man that took your freedom, paid for your attention and cried for your love is now smiling at some young little bitch.
You didn’t feel hurt. You didn’t scream. You just felt a rush of cold stiff anger ice your veins. With a steady hand you pushed the door open. At the sound of the creek, all heads turned to you. As the trainees bowed with respectful, “hello senior’s” Jungwon finally looked over. His eyes lit up with excitement, his pulse jumped happily.
“My angel, you’re back!” He exclaimed, rushing over to you, opening his arms to pull you into a hug. “How was-“
You stepped dodged his embrace, eyes cold. His smiled faltered as his arms dropped to his sides. “Baby?” He had the nerve to look confused.
With a cold glare you stepped away from the doorway, turning your back and walking away. “Baby, wait!” He called, running after you. “What happened? Are you okay?”
You didn’t answer. You didn’t even look at him, you just kept walking. You had nothing to say to him.
On the ride home he tried again. “Baby, please just tell me what’s wrong.” He pleaded.
You didn’t talk. Once you came to the penthouse, you heard the deadbolt lock but you didn’t care. He followed you around the penthouse, begging you to talk to him, bribing you with promises. You didn’t answer. You didn’t care. Every time he reached out to hold you, to touch you, you didn’t give him so much as a glance.
At night in the bedroom, he watched you, seated on your bed with wide glassy eyes. “Please angel.” He said, voice cracking. “I’ll do anything. Baby I’m begging you, just look at me.” You could feel his pulse thudding heavily, painfully against your wrist. It was like his heart was killing itself, begging you to talk to him. You gave a tired sigh in response. He gazed up at you with hope as you approached the bed. But you just grabbed your favorite pillow and left the room, walking upstairs to the guest room that used to be yours.
“No baby wait!” Jungwon shouted, scrambling to follow you. “You’re going to sleep in the other room? Please just come back to bed please, you know I can’t sleep without you!”
You closed the door in his face. Jungwon slumped against the door, shaking. You really shut him out.
——
The next day you let him trail you like a dog all day. And you didn’t care about his begging, his offers, his pleads. He tried everything. Gifts, food, affection. He even promised you expensive trips.
“I’ll take you to Paris. Milan. Tokyo. Anywhere you want.” He begged. “Just say something! Anything!”
You refused to even look at him, your irritation only building. He followed you to the living room, to the bedroom, to the elevator. Even in the entertainment building he would rather trail you than practice with his members. He’d stand at the doorway of the KORA practice room, eyes hollow, just watching you.
At home you were cutting up fruit in the kitchen. And Jungwon was hovering behind you. “Baby, I can’t take it anymore. Please just tell me what I did. I’ll fix it.” He murmured, his forehead dropping against the crown of your head. “Hit me, scream at me. Just don’t stay quiet. Baby please, I’ll fix it. I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry.” He begged, his voice broken and weak. “Please baby, just say something I’m begging you.” His grip on you tightened. You almost gave in but then you remembered his smile at the trainees. The nerve.
You whirled around, that fire he fell in love with flashing in your eyes. You held the knife to his chest. Jungwon met your glare with a look of complete devotion not fear. He looked relieved, as if dying by your hands was far better than being ignored. Your eyes burned with a unique passionate fury. To him it was beautiful.
“What, did you think that you and I play by different rules?” You snapped. “If you ever so much as smile at another girl again,” you hissed, pressing down enough for the threat to be real. “I will end you. I will ruin your career, I’ll ruin their careers, and then I will kill you myself.”
To Jungwon that wasn’t a threat. That was a love confession. You were ready to take his life to keep him. In his book, that meant you cared. You cared where his loyalties lie, and you’ll do anything to protect that. The broken, bleary eyed look in his eyes slowly melted into a twisted sort of endearment.
“Baby.” He whispered. “Are you jealous?” He pulled the knife out of your hand, letting it clatter to the floor. He trapped you against the counter between his arms. He gazed into your eyes with awe, like he just discovered the secret to eternal life. “Was that really all it took? Me smiling at the trainees made you like this?” You glared at him as he teased, his voice still shaking with overwhelming love. “Look at you. Look at how angry you are, it just makes loving you all the more sweeter. You’d do anything to keep me, wouldn’t you-“
SMACK
Jungwon’s head snapped to the side. You both froze, the silence in the kitchen rang out with the sound of your heavy breathing. You gasped at your own action, your hand falling down as fast as it came up. Jungwon slowly turned his head back to you, eyes dark. A cold jagged fear built up in your stomach, as you watched his face go blank and his pulse rocket. You actually struck him.
Your anger shattered into a panic. “Jungwon, I just” your breath hitched as you tried to apologize to the man staring into your soul. “I…I didn’t mean to-“
“No.”
Jungwon’s hand shot down, grabbing your hand and pressing it to his still reddened cheek. His eyes rolled back as if feeling your touch was a drug he could never quit. His own pulse race against your wrist as he turned his head and pressed a kiss to your palm. He grinned deliriously, leaning into your palm. “That was the sexiest thing you’ve ever done.”
“What?” You managed out shakily.
He pressed your body further against the counter, dropping his forehead to yours. His dark eyes bore into yours with a manic devotion as he held your hand against his face, refusing to let go.
“Do it again.”
-The End.
@elikajinnie @jongst4rs @cherryw0n @strxwbloody @laylasbunbunny @goosemantheweeb @kikizzz0
A/N Thank you guys so much for reading! This is the last part of the Muse series. This is my first series fic I’ve posted and I really hoped you guys liked it. It’s also my first attempt at dark romance, so as usual I’m SCAREDDDDDDDD.
Post Concert Deception: NRK
He’s right behind me, isn’t he?
idol!Ni-Ki x fem!reader idol!Heeseung x reader’sfriend (side plot)
Synopsis: After your first ever K-Pop concert, you were hit with a severe case of PCD. Along with your best friend you try recuperate in a luxury hotel. But it’s really hard to get over PCD when the reason for it is right in front of you. And you’re failing miserably at pretending that you don’t care.
Genre: PWP Crack Smut Fluff if you squint
W/C: 18.4k
CW: Smut, MDNI, unprotected sex (pls don’t) pull out method (DON’T) oral (m. rec) fingering, body worship, praise, manhandling, dirty talk, one night stand, older reader, tatted reader, second hand embarrassment, reader described as curvy, small smut scene with Heeseung and reader’s best friend, reader’s a nervous awkward wreck, lying, teasing, pet names, insults, mentions of alcohol, Ni-ki’s kind of a jerk in some spots, mentions of alcohol and gambling
A/N: hi guys this is my first post I’m SCARED hope you guys enjoy!!!!
Your first Enhypen concert was all that was on your mind. Memories of the stages, the music, the members dancing a few 30 maybe 40 feet away from you played nonstop in your head as you and your best friend Ria walked out of the stadium. Your feet screamed from standing on huge platform heels, your ribs hurt from your corset, your toes were numb, your arms were sore, your voice was lost…and yet, you’ve never been so happy.
“Oh my God..” You murmured in a daze, holding your platform heels in one hand, lightstick dangling off your wrist, holding onto Ria with the other as you made it to the hotel. “That was..”
“Everything.” She finished for you. You looked at her with an exhausted smile. “Wasn’t it?”
“Truly life changing.” You said as you hobbled up the steps of the hotel where you and Ria would be staying the next few days. “But my feet are killing me.”
“Not that you’re complaining.” She chuckled as you made your way to the elevator in that post concert haze. As you stepped in, the silence between you filled with quiet elevator music. You stared at the floor, still not fully there. “How are you feeling?” Ria asked.
“I feel like..” You gave her a halfhearted goofy smile. “..like I miss them already.”
“The PCD’s already setting in?” She eyed you incredulously.
“I still can’t believe I got to see them live.” You mumbled, unlocking the door. You strolled into the luxury suite, courtesy of your mother. “I mean-we were in the same stadium, Ni-ki was right freaking there. I saw him with my own two eyes!”
“And he looked perfect.” Ria smiled, kicking off her boots. “Heeseung…in those red sun glasses. Ugh!” She threw her head back dramatically, pressing her hand to her forehead like an old Hollywood actress, and walking-no, floating away into the bedroom. You followed.
“I know.” You murmured, reverently thumbing your floor access bracelet. “I’m exhausted, though.”
“Mentally or physically?” Ria asked, fumbling with her skirt. “I need help.”
“Yes.” You replied, helping her unclip countless accessories and safety pins from her outfit. “To all of the above.”
Ria chuckled. “You’ll be fine.” She shook her head knowingly. “We booked the entire week for PCD recovery.”
“You know we’ll need it.” You laughed, raising your arms expectantly.
“No, I know you’ll need it.” She smirked, unclipping accessory after accessory off of your dress, each chain and pin freeing you a little more. “You’re so emotional. I mean-who passes out at a concert TWICE?”
“I was tired!” You protested.
“You were staring at Ni-ki both times, I’m not stupid.”
“Shut up. You said it not me.” You rolled your eyes, unzipping the dress and turning your back back to her. “So don’t complain when you have to hold me when I cry myself to sleep.” She snorted quietly at and reached out, popping the knot on your corset.
“I’m showering first.” She mumbled, heading to the bathroom half dressed.
“Okay.” You smiled, shrugging off the dress and corset, pulling on an oversized t shirt and cotton shorts before plopping into the plush bed with a contented sigh. You will never get over the grandeur of this place, nor the perks that come with it. You began looking through the pictures and videos you took, smiling and sighing at each one.
You came upon a picture of Ni-ki that you took and nearly choked on your own laugh. It was horribly perfect. He was fully immersed in the performance of Brought The Heat Back, but was captured mid move, his hair sticking out wildly, his face contorted somewhere between a dance move and a lyric. You wheezed in laughter, collapsing face first into the plush king sized bed.
“Ugh…that was amazing. What are you laughing at?” Ria walked out in her pajamas, towel wrapped around her head.
Still laughing silently, you turned the computer towards her. She froze, staring at it for a second before bursting into laughter. “Oh my God! That’s horrible.”
You nodded, trying to catch a breath. “No coming back from that one. How can such a pretty face even make that expression?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.” She sighed contentedly, plopping on the bed next to you. “Showers yours.”
“Thanks.” You stood up with a stretch, savoring every pop and crack of your joints. As you grabbed you pajamas out of your bag, Ria raised a brow.
“Enjoy your shower. You and all of your extra bones.” She joked. “You sound like you’re making popcorn.”
You looked back at her with a smirk. “You thought that was bad?” You narrowed your eyes and leaned in. “That was only my toes.” She laughed, waving you away.
You walked into the giant bathroom. Staring qt yourself long and hard in the mirror, you still didn’t fully believe that you, for once in your life, could say that you saw your favorite kpop group live. Since it was your first ever kpop concert, after you’ve been a fan for so long, this very moment felt so profound.
You stepped into the shower, letting the hot water wash away every ache, every bruise, every scratch. You closed your eyes, thinking back to the outfits each member wore, every performance. Had you known them personally, you’d probably never shut up, telling them how proud you are of them, how amazing they are, how gorgeous they are. The thought alone made you tear up.
You smiled at yourself, a quiet dumb smile. You’re annoyed at yourself, at how emotional you are. Letting the water rinse the tears off your face you left the shower. After drying yourself with one of the impossibly soft towels, yoi dressed yourself in a set of cream colored pajamas.
You opened the door to the bathroom and were met by the smell of my favorite ramen. Ria was seated on the bed, bowl in hand, watching the Enhypen post concert live on the hotel TV. She reached over to the bedside table and held out a second steaming bowl to you.
“Come eat.” She said, turning her attention back to the screen. “You didn’t eat all day. ‘S probably the reason you fainted.”
“Best concert mom ever.” You said, mixing the noodles up with a plastic fork, furrowing your brows. You don’t remember the room having a microwave. Your eyes scanned the room again, zeroing in on the corner. “Did you use the coffee maker for ramen?”
She didn’t say anything, just smiled through a mouthful. You laughed diving in. “You’re genius.”
After the meal you quietly cleaned up together, settling into the soft bed sheets. A silence settled around you, still charged with the concert energy. “How are you feeling?” Ria asked quietly. “Like actually.”
“I’m feeling..” You pondered for a moment. “Sad that it’s over.” There wasn’t much else to say, it was true. You needed that moment to last forever, not just a couple hours. You just needed to feel that again.
Ria patted your hair. “Don’t worry your pretty head.” She laughed. “They announced a tour, we’ll be back next year!”
“I mean-yeah but it won’t be the same. And you know I’ll never get that first concert feel ever again.” You choked out, tearing up. Again. And yet instead of comforting you, Ria just laughed, roughly wiping your face with her sleeve like an exasperated mother that’s tired of her kid’s tantrum.
“You’re a mess.” She scoffed affectionately. “But it’s okay. Get some sleep, and tomorrow we’ll just hang out in the hotel and get drunk at the complimentary bar. It IS complimentary right?”
“I’m not a mess, I’m just overwhelmed, shut up!” You gave a wet laugh, wiping the remaining tears. “Yeah, I used my mom’s shareholder perks, so the bar is free.”
Ria’s eyes widened. “Damn, what about room service?”
You scoffed. “Girl, what more do you want? We already got upgraded to luxe suite, I can only do so much.”
“I know.” She rolled her eyes with a smile. “The upgrade’s insane. I bet it comes with a butler too.”
“It could have. But I wouldn’t want that.”
You chuckled, sleep pulling over me like a blanket. “Good night.”
“Good night.” Ria smiled, turning her back to you.
You drifted away, mind still reeling with the excitement of the post concert haze, and the emotional crash that came with it. You relived all your favorite parts of the concert in your dream.
You woke up naturally the next morning. Well, afternoon. No alarms, no phone calls, no one to wake you up. Ria was already up in the living room, listening to music. You stared at the ceiling, still trying to place what exactly you were feeling. You stretched, feeling refreshed from the much needed sleep, the warm hum of excitement still lighting your nerves, and inevitably, the deep aching pit in your chest that is the curse of PCD. Post Concert Depression.
You dragged yourself out of bed into the bathroom, slightly disgusted yet relieved at my reflection. Your hair, still not dry from last night’s shower stuck out oddly, the shape of your hair matted from the pillow in some places. Your face, thankfully, was clear of makeup, thank God you didn’t forget to wash it off. You washed your face, brushed your teeth and did the best that you could do with the hair dryer, a brush and a straightener you brought on impulse. Guess it came in handy.
“You’re finally awake.” Ria greeted you as you shuffled into the living room. She sat curled into one of the plush cream leather couches, staring out into the floor to ceiling windows at the city scape before her.
“Yeah.” You sighed, plopping down next to her. “You hungry?”
She thought a moment before nodding. “I could eat.”
Wordlessly you opened up the hotel menu and ordered. As you waited you thumbed through some ideas on how you could keep yourselves busy.
“Any ideas?” She asked, once the food arrived, nodding thankfully to the staff. You looked up and gave a tired polite smile, handing him a cash tip.
“Nah..” you sighed, still absentmindedly scrolling on your phone, not even reading the travel site’s suggestions. “Nothing seems fun.”
“You know what, maybe we don’t need something fun.” Ria opened up the plate covers, popping a strawberry into her mouth. “We need something relaxing. Something to give that sad brain of yours a rest.”
You stared numbly before getting a bright idea. Your eyes lit up. “Wait wait wait-“You murmured, quickly logging into the hotel site and typing in a few prompts in the search bar. “Yes!” You jumped up. “I got it!”
“What?” Ria craned her neck to look at your phone.
“This location has two roof top hot tubs and a lounge. But it’s exclusive and you gotta book use times before hand.” You grinned. “I just booked out a hot tub for the rest of the evening. Drink service included.”
Ria stared at you for a second. “You should have said something sooner.” She said, jumping up grabbing you by the arm. “Let’s go change.”
“But breakfast!” You protested.
She responded with a dead stare. “It’s 3 pm and you don’t even eat breakfast.”
Knowing you had no argument, you sighed. “You’re right let’s go.” You followed her into the bed room, where you quickly ruffled through drawers looking for swim suits.
You turned to Ria, wordlessly holding out a black cut out monikini and a dark green string bikini. She responded with a point toward the bikini and headed into the bathroom with her own black bikini. With a nod, you changed into the swimsuit.
“Do you think we’ll run into anyone cute?” Ria asked, exiting the bathroom dressed in her bikini and a thin black cover up shrugged over her shoulders.
“Hm?” You looked up from tying a white sarong around your waist. “I don’t know why do you ask?”
“Just wondering if I should put any makeup on.” Ria shrugged.
“It’s possible, I don’t see why you shouldn’t.” You replied, straightening up. “How do my boobs look?”
She rolled her eyes. “Your boobs always look great and you know that.” You grinned. “Asshole.” She added with a joking huff as you put on your shoes. “Let’s go.”
The two of you made your way to the roof top via elevator, the music filling in the silence. You made it to the roof top access door fit with a lock and a sign.
“Shit.” Ria muttered. “Exclusive. Authorized use only.”
You rolled your eyes. “Well,” You held up your platinum room card. “Thankfully we’re exclusive AND authorized.” You opened the door with a quick swipe.
“You feel so cool don’t you?” Ria smirked.
Your nonchalant facade broke immediately. You gave her a stupid grin. “I feel so cool you have no idea.”
“You’re such a geek.” She laughed as she ascended the steps from the seemingly bare entrance. “Oh shit.” Her eyes widened.
You followed after her to take in a beautiful sight. Giant glass side pools spanned 2 full edges of the rooftop, the center panel was pure white, obviously very well taken care of pavement, gracefully furnished with giant daybeds, tables, lounge chairs, cabanas, you name it. Attached to each of the pools, on raised platforms were 2 giant hot tubs, steam curling off of the water invitingly. And in the center of it all, a bar. A damn bar, amongst all of it.
“Wow.” You breathed. “This place is insane.”
“Yeah.” Ria sighed as you walked tentatively to the bar.
“Hello ladies!” The bartender smiled warmly. He was handsome, with blindingly white teeth that stood out against his tan skin. “Can I see your access card please?”
“Of course.” You handed him the platinum access card. After swiping it, he gave me a knowing grin.
“Welcome, miss.” He nodded. “To show our appreciation for our shareholders, all drinks are all included of course. What can I get for you?”
You smiled, turning to Ria. “Go on.”
Grinning, Ria ordered. “Let’s start with a mojito.”
“And I’ll do an aperol spritz.” You added.
“Of course.” He nodded. “I’ll have those out to you in just a moment.”
“Thank you!” Ria replied as you walked to the edge of one of the hot tubs. “This is nice.” She murmured, shrugging off her cover up.
“I know.” You sighed, untying your sarong, tossing it onto a nearby daybed. “I don’t even think I can get ever get used to this.”
“Well, get used to it.” Ria laughed, stepping into the water with a delighted sigh. “Get in, the water’s perfect.”
You stepped into the water, first letting the light sting wash over your legs before sitting with a satisfying shiver. Once the bartender brought your drinks, you were finally able to relax. You and Tia talked about everything, annoying coworkers, finally graduating, Enhypen of course, how long the trip home will be. There was no topic untouched, just a full debriefing of your lives.
“-and yeah.” You finished telling your story, pulling yourself up to sit on the edge of the tub to cool off, legs still dangling in the water. “Basically I ended up walking home that night.”
“That’s why I told you, don’t trust the biology majors after 9 pm.” Ria retorted, taking a sip of her drink, joining you on the edge. “Man, life can’t get better than this.” She stretched.
“It really can’t.” You replied.
Our comfortable silence was ruined by faint voices of people coming from the elevator. You rolled your eyes. “I really hoped that we wouldn’t have company.” Your muttered.
“Yeah didn’t you book the tub? I don’t get why-” Ria looked behind you at the newly arrived guests, before her head suddenly snapped back forward. Her pupils were blown wide, every muscle in her body was pulled taught, as if any extra movement would make her snap. Her heart was beating so hard you could practically see her pulse on her neck. She wasn’t even breathing.
You furrowed your brows. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Don’t look back yet.” She whispered tensely. “Just- just stay calm. Don’t freak out.”
“Why, what’s going on-“
“It’s them.”
“Who’s them?” You were getting annoyed but also curious. “And why can’t I look-“ You turned around and what you saw made the hot tub feel ice cold, freezing every nerve in your body.
She wasn’t kidding. It really was them, all seven. They walked onto the rooftop platform, setting down belongings, talking amongst each other calmly, entering the other hot tub. The thought hit you. You’re staring at Enhypen, on your very own damn rooftop. What the fuck? You thought to yourself. What the fuck? What the fuck?
You slowly turned back around once Ria whispered your name. “Don’t freak out.” That didn’t help much as your breathing quickened, blood rushing in your ears. “No-no-no, breath slow, deep breaths, please don’t hyperventilate.” She begged you quietly. You began to tremble, every nerve high strung with panic.
“What do we do?” You hissed. “Should we leave?”
“Maybe-“
“No wait.” You cut her off. “We can’t leave. If we leave now, they’ll know what’s up, we can’t make them uncomfortable. But if we talk to them, we could be branded as sasaengs, we can’t have that either. That’s worse.”
“So what should we do then?” Ria whispered back, just as flustered as you were.
“I don’t know, I-“
“Let’s just ignore them.” Ria cut in this time. “For our sanity and their peace of mind.”
“You’re right.” You nodded, sucking down the rest of your drink quickly, hoping the alcohol will dull your senses. “We’ll act like we’re not even here.” You stared ahead of us at the city scape, keeping your backs turned to the very men you so desperately wanted to look at right now. But thankfully, you have self control. Kind of. You sat in silence with bated breath, half hoping they’d leave, half melting internally. At this point, you were physically biting back your tongue to keep from squealing.
“Ahh I’m so sore!” You heard a male voice, following by a light splash.
“Jungwon..” Ria whispered.
“Hyung, you’re not getting in?”
“Ni-ki..” You whispered, hand tightening around your glass at the sound of his voice. Ria placed a hand over yours, trying to take the glass before you broke it. Her eyes widened.
“Our bracelets.” She whispered. “Take em off!”
You gasped quietly at the realization of the dead give away. Your bracelet stuck out on your hand like a HEY LOOK AT ME I’M A HUGE FAN sign. You and Ria desperately yanked and pulled, trying to preserve the bracelets but also get them off as discreetly as possible. With a final hard yank down the heel of my hand, you clutched it in your hand, looking up at Ria wildly.
“Bra.” She mouthed, stuffing her own bracelet in her top. You followed suit, shoving it into your bikini, frantically adjusting.
“I’m going to the bathroom, Jungwon let me borrow the card.” You heard someone say behind you.
“Sunghoon.” You hissed, palms sweating despite your hands being wet. You could hear your own heartbeat in your head. This moment was too scary, too exciting, too real. And you have to sit here and pretend it isn’t.
“Wait did we bring only one? We didn’t even grab towels yet!” Jay protested.
“So?” You couldn’t my even place who that was.
“We need the access card to get the towels!” He huffed. “Now what?”
Meanwhile, you and Ria sat absolutely still, as if your stillness could make you invisible. “You need to stay calm.” Ria whispered almost to herself. “Just stay-“
“Ladies would you like another drink?” The bartender asked with a kind smile. You flinched not expecting him. “Sorry,” He chuckled. “Did I startle you?”
“It’s okay.” You shook your head, trying to focus on what he’s saying. “Could I get a sea breeze? Triple?”
He raised his eyebrows, “Triple? You sure miss?”
“I am very sure.” You replied.
“Alright, and you miss?” He turned to Ria.
“Lemon drop please. Double.”
He offered a surprised smirk. “If I didn’t know any better, it seems like you’re drinking to forget something.”
“We’re celebrating.” You replied, just wanting the conversation to end.
“I see.” He chuckled. “Well I’ll get those right out to you.”
You sat, strained, listening to the band mates bicker behind you, trying hard not to even move a muscle.
“How are we supposed to get towels if you only brought one card?” Jay continued scolding whomever, sounding completely exasperated. “Hyung did you bring yours?”
“I forgot..”
Your eyes immediately shifted to Ria at the sound of Heeseung’s voice. She looked like like she was about to lose it.
“It’s fine, I’ll handle it.” You heard Jake.
“Are you okay?” You whispered to Ria.
She nodded. “Somehow this is the best and worst day of my life. I don’t even know how-“
She stole a glance behind her. “Jake is coming.”
“What?” You hissed back, heart leaping into your throat. “You’re joking, what do I do we can’t-“
“Act natural.” She hissed back, gripping your wrist that was planted firmly in the hot tub’s edge. “We don’t know them, okay?”
“Ria you know I’m a terrible liar!” You rambled out, already beginning to shake again. “What if I-“
“Excuse me?”
You froze. Ria froze. It seemed like the air froze between you too. Even the water in the hot tub felt ice cold. You forced your head to slowly turn to the sound of a soft voice with the prettiest Australian accent you’ve ever heard. A voice you knew all too well.
“Sorry to bother you, but my friend forgot his access card in the room and we need to grab towels.” Jake smiled sheepishly. “Do you mind if we borrow yours?”
Act natural. You told yourself, shoving all nerves so far down into myself that you seemed normal. You don’t know them. Act natural. You offered him a friendly smile. “Sure. Give me a second!” You replied, voice coming out a little too chipper for your liking. You pulled your legs out of the warm water and reached for the access card you hid under towels. You held it out to him. “Here you go.”
“Thank you!” He smiled, taking the card from your hands. You fingers didn’t even touch yet it felt like you just got electrocuted through the card alone.
“Yeah, no problem!” You responded, feigning normalcy. “Just please don’t forget to bring it back.”
“You got it!” He replied, already heading to the towel dispenser. “Thanks again!”
“No problem.” You replied, a little quieter, walking back to Ria’s side on shakey legs.
“You did good.” She whispered, patting your back. “You did good.”
“I almost passed out.” You replied.
“Yeah, don’t do that.” She nodded. You glared in response.
She snuck a glance behind you. “I can’t do this anymore.” She whispered. “Let’s sit on the side.”
You quickly shuffled to one side of the tub, sneaking peeks every so often at the tub in front of you. You watched Jake hand the card to Ni-ki, whose eyebrows rose as he examined the card. Oh my God, Ni-ki’s touching my access card. You thought to yourself.
After loading up with at least 20 towels he handed them off to his band mates and turned to us. Shit. You clutched Ria’s hand as she patted yours for support. No no no no no-
“I can’t lie to you.” She murmured. “It’s hilarious seeing you like this.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
Ni-ki walked over, card in hand, lightly turning it between his fingers. “Thanks for letting us borrow your card.” He spoke, his voice smooth and deep enough to make you question if you can keep up this facade. You might lose consciousness right there if you’re not careful, and judging by your racing heart from just looking at the gorgeous man before you, your chances aren’t good. With your heart in your throat you forced a polite smile, unable to speak.
“It’s not a problem.” Ria spoke for you, her demeanor unshakable. “Hey boo, can you grab it? You’re closer.”
“I- yeah, sure.” You muttered, swinging your legs over the edge yet again, approaching the idol almost tentatively. He reached out the card. You took it in your hand but he didn’t let go. You stared back at him, confused and terrified. He stared back, amused, before letting out a small chuckle.
“This is the platinum access card right?” He asked. “The one with all the perks?”
“Yeah.” You lightly pulled on the card, hoping he’ll take the hint. “Yeah it is. How did you know?”
“Hm.” He smiled, that devastatingly beautiful smile and let go. “I did my research when I came here. And silver cards don’t have access to this place.”
You laughed nervously, slipping the card back under your towel on the day bed. “Yeah, well, I thought we’d treat ourselves.”
He nodded, taking a seat on the edge of the daybed. You quickly retreated to the hot tub, as if you were safer there.
“So what brings you to LA?” He asked, once you settled.
“We’re just celebrating.” Ria smiled warmly at him. “What about you?”
“We’re here for work.” Ni-ki turned at the voice. Heeseung sauntered over with his signature grin. You looked back at Ria who looked calm on the outside but was frantically kicking your foot under the water. “Do you mind if I join you?”
“Not at all, please.” You gestured to the hot tub and he settled across from you, Ni-ki joining beside him. Ria’s eye twitched.
“So,” Heeseung leaned in. “What are you celebrating?”
Ria answered. “We’re celebrating our graduation.” She smiled brightly.
Heeseung and Ria’s conversation about college and majors faded into background noise as you watched Ria intently. Judging by her expression she was having the time of her life.
Your eyes flitted to Ni-ki, admiring how handsome he was even dressed simply in a tank and board shorts. He nodded alongside Heeseung, quiet, observing, beautiful. As you admired his features his eyes snapped to you. Your stomach dropped. You desperately wanted to look away, act like you weren’t staring but that would be so obvious, so you gave him a friendly smile instead. His lip curled into a grin. He was enjoying this. Maybe a little too much.
“I didn’t catch your name.” He said as if he suddenly realized, leaning in with his elbows on his knees.
You responded, nearly choking on your own name, hoping he didn’t notice. “And you are?”
“Ni-ki.” He replied with a smirk. Shit, of course he noticed. “My name’s Ni-ki.” As if you didn’t already know that.
“So, Ni-ki, what kind of work are you guys doing here?” You asked.
“We’re on tour.” He replied. “We’re a band.”
“Really?” Ria raised her brow. “Are you guys popular?”
“More or less.” Heeseung shrugged in mock modesty. “We have our audience.” He looked behind you, waving someone over. No..
Thankfully, your saving grace, the bartender walked over with his tray. “Sorry for the wait.” He smiled politely. “Your Seabreeze, and your lemon drop.” He carefully handed us our drinks. “Double and triple.”
You turned around, stretching to take your drink with a quiet “thank you.”
“You’re tatted.” Ni-ki suddenly spoke once you turned around, his expression unreadable.
“Oh.” Your face flushed. “Yeah I am.”
“I have a few myself.” He tilted his head, eyes burning into yours, absolutely mesmerized. “Do you mind if I look at it again?”
“Sure.” You stood on the edge of the tub, pulling your hair up and, turning your back to display the tattoo on your spine, peonies and vines curling down your spine in delicate thin linework. Your face heated bright red, his eyes travel down your spine, mapping each inch of your skin.
Ni-ki drank it in, every small detail, as if he was trying to memorize the artwork. The way the flowers curled against the nape of your neck, gracefully carving a path down your spine, ending just below the hem of your bottoms. He couldn’t help but wonder how far it went.
“That’s beautiful.” He murmured as soon as you sat down. Your hands trembled as you grabbed your drink. He noticed, trying to hide his smirk.
“Thank you.” You blushed, sipping your drink, desperately trying to get vodka into your system as soon as possible. You could feel his eyes linger on you, but you refused to look back up. There’s no way Nishimura Riki himself called your tattoo beautiful.
You heard loud bickering and turned your head to the commotion. Jake and Sunghoon were dragging Jay to your side of the lounge, Jay doing the best that he could to fight him off. That was to no avail. The two men threw him into the pool, Jay not wanting to go down alone grabbed Sunghoon with him. They fell into the water with a splash explosive enough to hit Ria and you. You collectively gasped.
“Hey!” You shouted, jumping to my feet, cold water shocking you out of what ever flustered stupor you were in. Ria quickly tried to wipe the cold water off herself.
Jake’s eyes widened. “I am so sorry!”
“Hyung, really?” Ni-ki scoffed clearly annoyed on my behalf.
“Guys, seriously?” Jungwon jogged over with 2 towels offering them to us. “I am so sorry for their behavior. I’m Jungwon.”
“No worries!” Ria laughed brightly. “I’m Ria, nice to meet you.”
You introduced yourself, carefully wiping yourself down with the towel.
“You have such cute names.” Heeseung chuckled.
You shrugged. “They’re just names.”
“Your tattoo’s really pretty too.” Heeseung noted with a grin. “I haven’t seen a tramp stamp that delicate before. Wait hold on, do they match?”
“Yeah!” Ria looked up at him with a smirk. “Wait why were you staring at my ass?”
“I wasn’t I swear!” He laughed, raising his hands up in defense. “I just noticed.”
“Ria I’m a little cold.” You murmured. She nodded, motioning for you to sit down. You stepped further down letting the hot bubbling water hit my chest.
“I’ll join you.” Ni-ki said, pulling off his shirt, revealing his toned body bit by bit settling in the water just across from you. You couldn’t help but stare. Honestly, it felt like you were looking at something illegal. The tattoos. You couldn’t believe you’re actually seeing them. Catching your gaze, Ni-ki stretched, turning to the side ever so slightly, allowing you to get a full view of the tattoo on his side, finding amusement in my stare. That damn tease.
“…you should have a drink with us.” Ria cut in, shifting your focus. “How does that sound?”
Jungwon looked up from his conversation with a bright smile. “We’d be happy too!”
Our tub eventually filled with the rest of the band. You felt yourself slowly relax, making seamless conversation. The drink was definitely helping. Heeseung took the drink menu from the bartender, eyes widening at the prices.
“Thats insane.” Jay whistled, peering over the prior’s shoulder. “Completely unjustifiable.”
“We’re not getting that.” Jake chimed in, with a disappointed tsk. “Sorry ladies, we’re gonna have to pass.”
You have no idea what possessed you. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the people pleaser in you. “It’s on me.” You blurted out. Jake stared, eyes impossibly wide. “Order whatever you like.” You added, voice shrinking.
“No, we can’t possibly-“ Jake began to protest.
“I insist.” You cut him off. “Really. Ria and I are two drinks in already, it’s rude not to offer.”
“Well, if you insist.” Heeseung grinned.
You and Ria shared a quiet smile as the men ordered their drinks, putting them on your imaginary tab. A few rounds later, the mood shifted on the roof top lounge. Everyone was having a great time, chatting, laughing, playing dumb games, arguing over dumb things. You had no fear at this point of the evening, any nerves melted away, as you laughed at Ni-ki, who slipped against the wet floor, falling into the cold pool.
“What are you laughing at?” He snapped, face a little pink half tipsy, half embarrassed.
“You.” You giggled, not faring any better, stumbling on your feet. “I’m laughing at your clumsy ass.”
“Help me up.” He demanded, raising an arm up for you to grab.
Not thinking much of it, you reached out to grab his hand. Ni-ki had other plans. Dodging your palm, he grabbed your wrist and yanked you into the pool. You fell in with a scream. The world immediately went quiet and blue, water rushing into your ears, nose, mouth. Surfacing, you sputtered for air, pushing your now ruined hair out of my face.
You smacked him in the chest, sending him into peals of laughter. “I just straightened my hair, you ass!” You exclaimed, with an exasperated shove in his direction, as if he was just an annoying friend and not the record selling, world famous star that you shelled out almost a grand to see.
Heeseung and Ria, who were flirting by the edge of the pool looked over suddenly. “You good?” Ria called out, concerned and a little slurred. She didn’t see Heeseung expression change behind her, from curiosity to a cruel plotting smile.
“Ria!” You gasped. “Behind you-“ You didn’t speak fast enough.
Ria was pushed into the water with a splash, Heeseung jumping in after her. “Heeseung!” She sputtered, wiping her face. “I’m going to beat your ass.” That was the only warning she gave him before dragging him under. The last thing I saw was his face go from amusement to pure horror.
Chaos erupted. All the members ended up in the pool either by their own will, or from being pushed, pulled in, thrown in Sunoo’s case, or just slipping and falling in. You couldn’t tell up from down anymore, through the splashing, shouting and whooping. It was a mess. The most fun, exhilarating mess of your life.
“The sunset’s so pretty up here.” You murmured, sipping from a glass. Just water this time, by Jungwon’s orders.
The group ended up pulling all the day beds into a half circle by the glass railing, resting from the impromptu pool party. A red and pink sky stretched before you, gleaming off of the mirrored sky scrapers, the sound of traffic way down below being the only sound track for your buzz.
“Yeah.” Ni-ki breathed, stretching out on the daybed next to you. “Never seen anything like it.” He wasn’t looking at the sunset.
You curled your legs against yourself, suddenly regaining consciousness of the situation. You were sobering up, and that meant your confidence waned once again. You pressed yourself as far against the arm of the day bed as you could, putting as much distance as possible between you and Ni-ki.
“You okay?” Ni-ki murmured.
“Hm?” You turned your head toward him. He gazed at you through half lidded eyes, messy wet hair sticking to his forehead. The sun gleamed off of his still damp skin painting him in gold and pink hues. He was even more breathtaking like this, more beautiful than on any stage. Butterflies settled in your stomach once again. “Yeah. I’m fine.” You managed a half whisper, turning your attention to the rest of the group.
Jake, Sunghoon, and Sunoo were out cold, sleeping off the drinks. Jungwon and Jay sat on the edge of another day bed, quietly laughing at something together. Heeseung and Ria sat shoulder to shoulder, mid whispered conversation. Heeseung was bright pink and clearly pretending he wasn’t still tipsy. Ria was coming to, and was in the same state of nervousness as me, but she was so much better at hiding it.
“You’re shaking.” Ni-ki noted, bringing your attention back.
“It’s just from too much sun.” You replied. “I’m okay, really.”
He raised his brow, suspicious. “I don’t think that’s it.”
“Would you believe me if it were from the alcohol?” You offered yet another weak excuse.
He smiled, shaking his head. “You went shot for shot with Sunoo and were fine, I know you can handle your drinks.”
He raised himself up onto his hands, tilting his head, examining you. His eyes burned directly into you, your face reacting instantly with a bright red that rivaled the sunset you were watching. You inched back.
“What?” You asked, barely audible.
“You were so worried about me ruining your hair earlier.” He murmured, sending another flustered chill through you. “Yet you look pretty with your hair all wavy like this.”
“Oh.” You coughed, nerves stacking on top of nerves. “Thank you.”
The alcohol, the excitement of being near Ni-ki, the guilt of pretending you don’t know them, all stacked up and made it impossible to breathe. You looked back at Ni-ki, who was still staring at you, drinking you in with those piercing dark eyes. You couldn’t do anything but stare back, heart racing as his eyes trailed every feature on your face before meeting your eyes again.
“You have really pretty eyes, you know that?” He whispered, leaning in close. Too close. “Such a pretty color.”
Your kids can have them too. Some drunk part of your brain thought. “Yours aren’t so bad either.” You mumbled nervously, mentally kicking yourself at how stupid you sounded. You inched back further. He followed. He reached out to fix your tousled hair. You flinched looking toward your friend.
“Ria, it’s getting kinda late, no?” You asked, silently begging her to help me get out of there.
Ni-ki’s hand stopped mid air, dropping back onto the daybed. He tried to hide his disappointment with understanding, it was late after all. He couldn’t expect you to be okay with anything so quick.
“Yeah.” She looked up with the same begging expression. “We should go, but..” she motioned with her head at Heeseung who fell asleep on her shoulder.
“Oh-“ Jay looked over. “Let me help.”
He carefully maneuvered around the day beds with Jungwon, helping Ria get Heeseung up and off her shoulder. He woke up with some difficulty whining about some five more minutes.
“Let’s go.” You whispered to Ria. “We need to leave before it gets out of hand.”
“It already is.” She agreed. “Let’s get out of here.”
You quickly collected your things while the guys were distracted. Messily fumbling with your sarong, you looked up.
“Alright, bye guys!” You called out half heartedly. “It was nice meeting you!”
“Woah hold on!” Jay called, almost offended. “We’ll go together, it’s late. Let us walk you back.”
“No, really it’s fine.” Ria shook her head frantically. “I’m sure you guys are busy, and it’s not that far of a walk.”
“Come on.” Ni-ki cut in, looking at me. “It’s really no trouble.”
Your shoulders slumped in defeat. “Fine.”
You all somehow managed to squeeze into the elevator, and you scanned my card, punching in the 19th floor. Just 6 floors down.
“Oh you weren’t kidding.” Sunoo giggled. “It really isn’t far.”
“Told you.” You offered a tired smile as the door dinged exactly one story down.
You walked through the quiet hallways together, making small talk in low voices. You stopped at your room, awkwardly clearing your throat. “Well,” you managed. “This is us. Thanks for walking us to our room.”
“Any time.” Ni-ki replied, as if you were only talking to him. And maybe you were. “See you around.”
After offering goodbyes and good nights, You and Ria finally entered your suite. Immediately younshut the door and pressed your face to the peep hole. Only when you saw them disappear out of view did your turn around. You and Ria stared at each other for just about a moment before letting out silent screams. Not of excitement. Of horror.
“What the hell was that?” You exclaimed, sliding down the door head in your hands.
“I don’t know.” Ria slumped next to you. “I don’t know what that was, all I know is that I’m probably dreaming. My heart is literally beating out of my chest.”
“Ria they were right there!” You hissed gripping her arm. “We just hung out with Enhypen themselves!”
“I know!” She hissed back, hitting your arm to release her nerves somehow. “How are we ever supposed to recover from that?”
“I don’t know.”
The next morning you woke up before Ria, not even remembering at what point you fell asleep. Fuck... You winced, grabbing your head. You knew better than to get shit faced on sweet drinks. Flashbacks of the evening before came back to you in short bursts. The faint taste of the cocktails, the feel of the hot water against your legs, the sun in your eyes, the feeling of Ni-ki’s breath fanning against your face. FUCK. Your eyes shot open. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I’m too hungover for this. That didn’t happen. Doing your best to not disturb Ria, you creeped out of bed, and not bothering to change out of your pjs, made yourself a cup of your secret hangover remedy, a disgusting mix of sprite, lemon juice, and salt. You took a sip with a wince, decided it was not that bad, and went to the balcony. Yesterday was just a dream. You tried to convince yourself. It had to be.
You sigh, taking in the cool morning air, letting it settle on your feverish skin as you calm yourself down. You lean over the balcony, drink in hand, trying to decide if you are losing your mind or not in the haze of the morning.
The quiet of the morning was interrupted by someone calling your name. A male voice. You look around, confused. “Hey, down here!”
Your gaze shoots down. Two stories down, you have a clear view of a balcony. Your headache pounds. Shit. Here too? Ni-ki and Jay stand on the balcony, Ni-ki leaning with his back pressed against the railing, ever the nonchalant king, Jay waving excitedly. Ni-ki looks up, a slow grin spreading across his face. You stare, not returning the smile, still deciding if you’re hallucinating or not. “Ugh, I’m too hungover for this.” You shake your head, closing your eyes, and slowly back away into the room. I really need to lay off the drinks; these hallucinations are insane.
Down below, the two watched you emotionlessly retreat back into your room absolutely floored. Jay turned to Ni-ki. “Did she just roll her eyes at you?” Ni-ki, unable to hide his amusement nodded, chuckling at your attitude. “I don’t know what you did.” Jay deadpanned. “But I don’t think she Iikes you.”
Ni-ki finally tore his eyes from the now empty balcony and turned to Jay. He gave him a dismissive tsk. “She does. Trust me.”
Jay sighed. “Dude, leave her alone, we have other things to worry about, our schedules are stacked. Did you forget we’re on tour?”
“Exactly!” Ni-ki replied. “We’re on tour and this is the one of the only weekends we get off,might as well relax and do something fun.”
“And you think nearly traumatizing a random hotel patron is fun?” Jay snapped back.
Ni-ki crossed his arms, looking off into the distance as if deep in thought. “Yeah.” He smirked. “It’s funny. And cute.” He murmured the last sentence to himself.
Somewhere inside the suite, Jay heard the pained groan of Heeseung waking up with a raging hangover. He rolled his eyes, stepping into the suite. “I’m gonna go find him something for his head.” He turned around, giving Ni-ki a once over. “Goodness, sometimes I forget you’re still a dumb kid.”
“Hey that’s not nice.” Ni-ki laughed, following him.
The next couple of days were pure torture. You and Ria agreed that your moment of fun is over; they’re on tour, you’re fans, you admire from a distance, and most importantly, you don’t cross paths. No matter what. The best course of action is avoidance.
But, of course, that was easier said than done. The next few days, it felt like you were the one being stalked. Anywhere you went, someone would show up. You went to the hotel arcade. Heeseung and Jake were screaming at each other because of some game. You went to the hotel bar. There were Sunoo and Sunghoon, probably your favorite to run into; they offered drinks. Not even the parking lot was safe. You almost took Jay down with your car door.
“I am so sorry!” you gasped as he hunched in pain, much to the glee of the others. Ria sat in the car watching this train wreck happen, looking like she’d rather be anywhere else.
“It’s okay.” He wheezed. “‘S my fault I was standing there.”
But the hardest one to avoid was Ni-ki. You’d run into him in the most annoying places, places you couldn’t escape from. You needed the elevator, he was already in there, amusedly watching you struggle under his gaze. You wanted to go to the gym, and suddenly he was spotting you, hands grazing yours ever so slightly, ‘on accident’. Hell, even the hotel office wasn’t safe. You just wanted to send a work email. Yet there you were, peering over your shoulder, cheek a centimeter away from his.
“…do you mind?” you muttered, trying to hide your fluster with annoyance.
“Nope not at all.” He grinned. “Just waiting for the computer.”
He always had a joke, a tease, but what made you burn with embarrassment was his gaze. His heavy eye contact, that you were never good at keeping. He would stare into your eyes until you looked away first, chuckling to himself every single time. Anywhere you crossed paths, you felt like you would combust, half from panic, half from excitement.
Once again, you find yourself stuck in the elevator with him, and this time Ria isn’t there to save you. You face away from him, pretending that your phone is the most interesting thing on planet earth. He’s on his phone too, so maybe, you think to yourself, just maybe if you don’t look at him, you could ride without him acknowledging you.
“We keep running into each other,” he says quietly, not even looking up at you. Dammit.
“Mhm,” you mumble, not looking up.
“I had fun,” he continues, still leaning against the wall, still typing away at his phone. “At the rooftop.”
“I’m glad,” you reply, still trying to pretend he isn’t there, still trying to ignore your racing heart and sweating palms.
“Funny.” He finally looked up with an expression that was between amused and confused. “Because any time I try to say hi you avoid me like the plague.”
“Well,” you stare harder into your phone. “You’re a famous guy. I’m not trying to start any rumors.”
He chuckles. “Right. That’s what it is.
“I’m serious.” You look up, realizing fast how small the elevator actually is, how close he really is, how long the damn ride is, how devastatingly his beauty affects your mental health. You swallow hard. “I… don’t want either of our careers to end over a misunderstanding.”
“That’s not something you need to worry about.” He replies quietly, if it weren’t for the proximity you wouldn’t hear him. “You’re allowed to say hi back, you know.”
You look at him with a small nod. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He catches your gaze immediately, making your stomach drop. He smirks. “There they are.”
“Huh?” You freeze, wide eyes.
“Your pretty eyes.” He murmurs. “You know, since you’re too intimidated by me to even make eye contact, I kinda missed them.” He steps closer, bending his head down ever so slightly, looking not at you but into you. Your head swims with panic. What in the Y/N is this? You scream in your head.
You step back as much as the tight space of the elevator will let you. “Oh shut up.” You roll your eyes. That’s a ploy to stop looking at him before you pass out. “I’m not intimidated by you.” You try to sound convincing, but your voice cracks.
“Really?” He traps you between himself and the wall. He’s close enough that you can feel him breathe against your face. Panic hits you so hard your head spins. His eyes soften. “Then you must hate me.”
You try hard to clench your hands into fists to stop them from shaking. “Yeah, that’s probably it.” You reply, staring ahead directly into his chest.
His smirk deepens. “Oh?”
To your relief, the doors finally slide open. “Bye.”
He steps aside, barely giving enough room to get off. “See you around, pretty.”
You quickly step off, leaving him amused as the doors shut him out of view. You desperately need a distraction.
“So the show’s at 4, then we can go down to that shop we talked about, and if we don’t stay there too long, we’ll still have time to get ice cream and get to the viewpoint before sunset.” Ria rattles off the directory, checking her outfit one more time in the mirror, striking a pose. Ria is dressed in her usual combo of a tight-fitting crop top and baggy jeans that hang low on her hips, just enough to show off her tattoo, and Doc Martens, the most casual punk outfit you’ve ever seen.
“Sounds like a plan.” You reply, thumbing through different dresses and sets, trying to find something you could get away with being braless in. After settling on a pale lavender set of a long high slit skirt and halter top, you quickly slip into it, the delicate fabric feeling cool against your skin. The flowy texture is a welcome one, loose enough to be comfortable, yet thin enough to show off your curves. You do one final check of your hair and accessories before stepping into a pair of-
“Heels?” Ria raised a brow. “Aren’t your ankles still bruised?”
You shrug. “Yeah. That’s why the ankle straps hide it.”
With a resigned sigh, you turn your attention to your reflection in the mirror. You are polar opposites. The punk and the princess. The tomboy and the hyper femme. Ariana Grande and Cynthia—okay, maybe not. But you look good, that’s what matters.
You spend the entire afternoon having a grand ol’ time, visiting shops, museums, hitting all the non-touristy spots you know. There is never a dull moment; you are either immersed in your activities or laughing so hard you have to squat to not fall. You decide to take a break with a game of cards at the gold lounge, another exclusive perk that comes with a private area filled with plush couches, a wine bar, tables for card games, and a gorgeous view of the city.
You sigh, ordering a few bottles of wine before sitting down at one of the tables. “So.” You begin. “Are we gonna address the elephant in the room?”
“Nope.”
“Nope.” You agree, taking a bottle of Malvasia Bianca and pouring each of you a glass. “We’ll wait until the drive home.”
“Yep.” Ria nods. “When we’re within safe screaming distance.”
“Yeah, but still.” You grin, getting giddy again. “I can’t believe that this weekend was even real.”
“I’m still not sure if it was.” Ria giggles. “This is the moment. We are Y/N.”
You laugh, not because it is funny but because she is right. You sigh. “What were the chances of that ever happening again? To anyone, not just us.”
“I honestly don’t know how we made it this far.” You sigh, shuffling a deck of cards. You glance around the main lounge, making sure nobody is around.
“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it.” Ria giggles, taking a sip of wine.
“Yeah, well you weren’t stuck in an elevator with Niki as he’s trying to grill you on why you’re avoiding him.” You reply, dealing.
Ria stares judgmentally over the rim of her glass. “Dude. You were grinning ear to ear.”
“Whatever.” You grumble, a smile already creeping back onto your face. She isn’t wrong. Of course, you enjoy being lavished with attention from a gorgeous man with a deep velvety voice, can you blame you?
“I’m tired of poker, let’s play something else.” Ria says, pushing her hair out of her face.
“Wanna play Durak?”
“Yeah if you sort the cards.” Ria replies. “I’ll be right back, I need the bathroom.”
You nod dismissively, getting to work on the card deck, pulling out every 2, 3, 4, 5, and joker. Humming to yourself, you shuffle the cards.
“What are you playing?” A voice sounds behind you. Deep. Velvety. Annoyingly familiar. Annoyingly hot.
“Durak.” You reply, not sparing Niki a glance. “Ever played?”
He shakes his head, taking a seat across from you. “No, but I’m sure you can teach me.”
With a lump in your throat, you nod. “I guess.”
In the quietness that surrounds you, you teach Ni-ki the rules of the game. He sits in front of you, arms crossed, nodding along, but this time his look isn’t teasing but concentrated like he is genuinely trying to understand the game. Sitting in his presence feels a little easier now, less intimidating, but just as flustering.
“-and the trump card, in this case, it’s the club, beats any other suit with any value except for its own, to cover this suit you’ll need a bigger value. Got it?” You hold out a hand of six cards to him.
He nods, accepting the cards. “I think so.”
You chuckle, your eyes shining with an affection you try hard to hide. “You’ll get the hang of it, don’t worry.”
The game play began, with Ni-ki quickly getting the hang of it with your quiet corrections. He dealt you a card. Jack of Spades.
“So.” You beat it with a six of clubs. “…did you do anything fun today?”
“We started shooting something, it’s going to take a while to finish though.” He replied, dealing a six of hearts.
“Hm.” You nodded, placing a 7 of hearts. “You excited?”
“Oh you have no idea. The fans are going to love it.” He smiled, dealing a jack of hearts. “So tell me.” He turned his attention away from the cards. “What’s your deal?”
“….what do you mean?” You fumble your card.
“Tell me about yourself.” He replies.
“Oh well..” You thumb at your cards thoughtfully. “I’m 21, just graduated uni, work in data privacy analysis…I love music, I have a cat, his name is Spoon…” You look up at him. “That’s pretty much it.”
“You’re older than me?” He raises his eyebrows.
“Depends. How old are you?” You know the answer, but you have to ask.
“19.”
“I am. But you’ve established yourself already.” You comment, letting yourself get genuine for once. “That’s really impressive.”
“Thanks.” He chuckles, drawing new cards. “It hasn’t been easy.” His voice gets quiet, his expression unreadable. “Having your entire life broadcasted, I mean.”
“I bet.” You sigh, “you probably get so tired of having to hide your real life.” He nods with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I can relate.” You continue. “It’s hard to keep secrets for a living.”
“So you won’t leak where we’re staying?” He jokes.
You scoff. “Who do you take me for? You lost by the way.”
“Dammit. Reshuffle, I need a rematch.” He grumbles. “And I don’t know.” He sighs, handing over his cards for you to shuffle. “A pretty stranger who’s fun to tease and might want revenge?”
You coughed nervously, fumbling the cards you were shuffling. “Do you always call people pretty way too often?”
“No.” He leaned in, resting his elbows on the table. “Well, only older girls with pretty eyes.”
You refused to look at him. “Well, I’m too old for you.” You lied, dealing hands again. “I don’t like younger guys.”
“Please, two years is nothing.” He rolled his eyes. “Have you ever given one a chance?” His voice lowered as he tilted his head, examining you. His eyes had their usual intensity, but there was something underneath that. Something that looked like..curiosity maybe? Butterflies shot through your stomach.
“W-well I would never-“ you stammered, silently begging for Ria to come back.
“Just give me a second, I got it!” An exasperated voice rang out from behind the door. Sunghoon finally managed to get the door open, the hallway flooding with the sounds of the members laughing and arguing, following him in. Mainly Heeseung was yelling. You gave Ria a knowing look.
“Sorry.” She quickly gave you an apologetic hug. “They begged me to in the arcade with them.”
“Did you win?”
“Obviously.”
“Then I forgive you.” You patted the seat next to you.
“You only won because you got lucky.” Heeseung fumed. “Oh hey!” He grinned. “What are you playing?”
You gave a nervous smile. “Hi Heeseung.” You quickly retaught the rules of the game as everyone settled around the table.
“I already know how this is gonna end.” Jake rolled his eyes, ever the poor sport. “Ria‘s gonna beat everyone and act like it was an accident.”
“Nah, that’s with video games.” Ria smirked. “She’s the card game expert.”
You played that simple game for hours, it quickly became dangerously competitive. The longer you spent with ENHYPEN, the less they seemed like stars to you, more like friends. Poor sports too.
“You guys should play some of your music.” Ria suggested amidst the animated conversation, topping off her wineglass and your own. “I’m curious.”
Jungwon shrugged, reaching for his phone. “Sure! Let’s see..” he scrolled through his phone. “I hope you like it.”
The intro to XO filled the lounge. No. Anything but this. XO was the song that made you an Engene in the first place, the first song of theirs you heard at 19. You love the song, but the problem is the unfailing reaction that you have to the song every single time.
“Woah, are you crying?” Jay furrowed his brows in worry. “Are you okay?”
“Don’t mind me.” You laugh wetly, thoroughly embarrassed. You try to wipe the tears, but they keep coming. Ria is no help. She just laughs quietly. You glare at her.
“That intro kinda sounds like a theme song from her favorite childhood cartoon.” Ria lies smoothly. “Must have brought back some emotions.”
“Aww.” Ni-ki coos teasingly. “Cartoons make you cry?” He reaches out, swiping a tear off your cheek. His touch feels like electricity jolting through your skin. You jerk away before controlling your impulse to lean into his touch. You shoot him a glare.
“Shut up.” You hiss. “Also, I won.” You place the last card in front of you. Ace of clubs.
“DAMMIT.” Heeseung slams his cards on the table.
Okay. You’re finally able to wrap your head around it. They’re just people. The past few days were hard, but you genuinely started to see Enhypen as friends. And Niki turned from your bias into…a crush, you guess?
Seeing them around is no longer something that fills you with panic. In fact, you begin planning activities together, in spots that are unpopulated or hidden gems, where the probability of getting caught is slim to none. It was once their manager made you sign NDAs that your friendship finally felt easy. It is common to see one of the members randomly in your suite because, according to them, it is nicer. You look forward to seeing them now, chatting with Jungwon, teasing Jake, having those emotionally charged stare-offs with Niki that are too intimate to be nothing but too vague to be something that makes your heart race. Today is one of those days.
You were lounging in the living room of their suite keeping Sunoo company, waiting for Heeseung and Ria to come back from the arcade. You were supposed to have dinner together, but he stormed to your room, demanding a rematch on Uno.
“You could have asked her that without dragging me here.” You muttered.
“It’s fine, I’ll be back soon.” Ria promised as she left with Heeseung. “Just hang out here.”
You and Sunoo talked for a while but that didn’t really last long because he had to pack up and head out quick.
“Alright my ride’s here. We’re still on to watch that movie tonight, yeah?” Sunoo asked, fixing his shirt collar.
“Yep.” You replied, eyes still on the TV. “Good luck!”
“Thanks!”
You are left alone with yourself in their dorm. Or you think you are. Ni-ki walks out of the bedroom, freezing when he sees you.
“Hey pretty.” A lazy grin spreads across his face, settling on the couch next to the one you are sitting on. “What are you doing here?”
You shuffled a few away from him.
“Hey.” You look up, barely ripping your focus away from whatever movie is on the TV. “Heeseung snatched Ria from under my nose and told me to wait here. So I’m waiting.”
“Oh yeah, he did say something about a rematch. She beat him 7 to 0.” Ni-ki laughs, pulling out his phone. “I have never seen him that pissed, it was amazing.
You giggle, shaking your head, refocusing on the movie. You settle into a peaceful quiet, Ni-ki watching something on his phone. A couple of familiar sounds and songs play in loops.
“Are you watching edits?” You look at him incredulously.
“Yeah, you love fan content.” He replied, “look at this one.” He turned his screen toward you, a funny edit of him falling flat on his ass trying to pull Jay with him.
You laughed. “That’s unfortunate. Did it hurt?”
“Only my ego.” He replied, scrolling further. Suddenly his eyebrows furrowed. His gaze snapped to you, as if he was hit by an epiphany.
“What?” You asked. “Something wrong?”
“No, it’s nothing.” He replied, a slow smirk spreading across his face. You shrugged, turning your attention to the movie.
The silence between you suddenly became sharp. Heavy. Awkward. You threw a glance at Ni-ki. He was scrolling through something, eyes scanning left to right, smile growing. Trying to ignore the tension, you decided not to mention it.
“‘Ni-ki could step on me and I’d apologize.’” He suddenly read out loud. You looked over at him with a raised brow.
“‘The only thing stopping me is a screen.’” He read, scrolling slowly.
“‘Ni-ki chill, it doesn’t take much.’” You tense, eyes widening. Wait a damn minute.
“Oh! I like this one.” He continues. “‘I need Ni-ki biblically, it’s not even a joke anymore.’” No.
Beads of sweat roll down the back of your neck as realization dawns on you. Your head whips toward him. No no no no.
Those are your comments.
“And here I thought you didn’t like younger guys.” He chuckles, his eyes catching your gaze. “You gonna explain yourself?” You stare at him, losing feeling in your face.
“Well?” He cocks his head, a smirk playing on his lips. He leans close, his tone mocking. “You gonna talk?”
You are paralyzed, your mind blank. Your eyes widen in terror as your heart thunders in your chest, flooding your veins with adrenaline. Shit.
You catapult off the sofa, vaulting over its back and dash toward the door. He is right behind you, not even trying to run, just walking, observing your panic. The bastard has long legs too. You don’t dare look back, crashing through the front door into the hallway, zigzagging wildly like you are in some kind of comedy. You barrel through lounges, duck under tables, leap over railings, and shove chairs in his path, desperate to throw him off. It seemed to work. You glanced back and realized that no, I’m fucked. He was right behind me, watching me run like he had all the time in the world. He wasn’t letting this go. Pure panic gripped me.
“Shit!” you gasp, hurdling over a potted plant and making a desperate dash for the women’s bathroom sign. He wouldn’t follow you in there, right? You sprint across the lounge, grabbing a pillow off of a couch and clumsily hurling it at him to buy time. You bolt into the bathroom, slamming the stall door behind you.
You collapse onto the seat, gasping for air. What is happening? Why did you run? What do you do? Your mind races, a whirlwind of fear and embarrassment. You have never felt so put on the spot in your life! You need to act, and fast.
You pull out your phone with shaking hands, sending Ria a text.
Ria. They know.
You sit in that bathroom until your lungs stop burning, still too scared to even poke your head out of the stall until you hear footsteps in the restroom. Your breath hitches painfully in your throat. You press your hands to your mouth, to muffle your heavy breathing.
“Is someone in here?” A woman’s voice echoes through the bathroom. You let out a sigh of cautious relief. It is just the cleaner.
“Uh…yeah, just give me a moment.” You call out, fumbling the stall lock with shaking hands. You walk out, trying to control your panting.
“Miss, is everything alright?” The cleaner asks.
“Yeah..yeah- everything’s fine, I’m fine.” You mutter, checking the stalls, just in case. “Is there anyone outside the restroom?
“No miss, the hall is empty.”
“Thank you.” You carefully approach the bathroom door, listening for anything that could be behind it. Then you hear it. Footsteps. You let out a shaky gasp, lowly backing away from the door, until the footsteps fade away. You turn your attention to the lady. “Do..do you mind checking?”
“Yes miss, I’m almost done.” She replies, wiping down the mirror. She carefully peeks outside the door, scanning all surroundings and gives you a thumbs up, bidding goodbye with a polite smile.
You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, pushing the door open with a sense of triumph. But your victory is short-lived. You yelp, stumbling back in sheer panic. You’ve been caught.
“Caught your breath?” Ni-ki grins, his tall, imposing figure blocking the doorway. You hang your head, trying to sidestep him, but he is relentless, stepping in front of you again, hand tightly pressed against the frame. “Where do you think you’re going?” he whispers, stepping closer, leaving you no escape.
Your heart races. Left? Blocked. Right? Blocked. You squeeze your eyes shut, searching for a plan. “Look at that,” he teases, his voice dripping with mock sympathy. “Can’t even meet my eyes. Ashamed?” Fuck it.
In a burst of adrenaline, you dive between his legs, scrambling through before he can react. You sprint down the hall, his laugh echoing behind you.
Your mind is a blur, focused solely on reaching the suite, locking the door, and escaping whatever humiliation he has in store for you. You jab the elevator button repeatedly, only to spin around and freeze. He saunters to the elevator, as if the chase is nothing more than a fun game.
“Damn it,” you mutter, pressuring the button harder. Finally the elevator opens, and you dive inside, slamming your floor number, watching the door close in his smirking face. He doesn’t stop it, though he could have. The realization hits you. He could have stopped it. But didn’t. He’s toying with you.
You lean against the wall for support, panting as you catch your breath. The doors finally ding open to reveal…Ni-ki.
“FUCK.” You shout in frustration.
He only chuckles in response. “Boo.”
You try to shove past him again, but he backs you into the elevator, not giving you time to escape. He tilts his head. “You’re not really good at this, are you?”
You try to push past him, wildly, desperately smacking his arms. “Let me go!” you snarl. “Or I’ll start screaming.”
He chuckles and with a shrug steps aside. “Fine. Keep running.”
Without another thought, you sprint down the hall. Your eyes water in relief at the familiar number. You lean against the door, catching your breath before walking in, trying to think of a way to leave without being seen.
You shut the door, slamming it closed. This is too much. You think to yourself. This is all too much. I need to get out of here. You walk into the bedroom, panting painfully. You take a shaky seat on the bed, burying your face in your hands. I’m so stupid.
Ni-ki walked into the hallway, making a beeline for your door. She’s really something else. He thought to himself. So weird. So cute. Truth of the matter was, he didn’t really care much about your explanation, but seeing you run from him, face bright red, flustered, it did something to him. It filled him with a twisted thrill, thrill that he had that effect on someone like you.
He raised his hand ready to knock, before tossing the idea. He knew you wouldn’t answer, so he had to get creative. Catching sight of a cleaning lady, he got a bright idea. He sent a quick text to Heeseung and made his way over.
He walked to her briskly, pretending to be flustered. “Excuse me?” The lady turned around with a polite smile. “I’m so sorry to bother. But I locked myself out of my room. Would you mind helping me?”
You stay in that position long enough for your legs to fall asleep underneath you. You could’ve spent your time wiser, packing, planning, finding Ria, but you can’t bring yourself to move. You’re exhausted. The familiar beep of the door unlocking shakes you out of your stupor.
“Ria.” You breathe a sigh of relief, jumping up to greet her. You all but run into the living room. It isn’t her.
You scream as Ni-ki saunters into the living room, eyes on you like you’re prey. “Ni-ki..” You pant. “Get out.”
He doesn’t respond, slowly walking around the couch toward you. You make a run for the bathroom when suddenly you feel a grab on your forearm and a yank so hard that you fly back with a gasp. Your back hits the couch.
Ni-ki wastes no time pressing you against it. “Caught you.”
“Get the hell away from me, Ni-ki!” You snarl, desperately trying to hit him away. He rolls his eyes and grabs your wrists, pinning them by your sides. “Let me go!” You struggle against his grip.
“No.” He replies, calm as ever. “You owe me an explanation.”
“I have nothing to explain!” You exclaim, struggling against his grip. “Get off of me!”
“Really?” He tilted his head, but the look in his eyes was no longer playful. I froze, stomach twisting. “You’re an Engene who somehow ended up in the same hotel as us, and pretended to hate me until you got found out, and then ran like a crime suspect. You think that doesn’t need an explanation?” His voice sharpened on the last word.
“I..” you scrambled for words. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“Then why’d you run?”
“I don’t know..I just…” You stare back at him, terror and embarrassment bubbling in your chest. “What the hell was I supposed to do, Ni-ki?” you blurt out. His face goes from annoyed to confused.
“I’m a shareholder in this hotel, I’m only here because I get good perks, this whole situation is a coincidence! How the hell was I supposed to know you’d be here too?!” Niki stares at you, dumbfounded.
“And us running into you? I prepaid that damn hot tub, it was expensive! And I sure as hell weren’t going to tell us I’m a fan, that would have made everyone uncomfortable. Our plan was to ignore you at the pool and avoid you the rest of your stay here so that we wouldn’t bother you, but you were the one that wouldn’t leave us alone, so-so this is all your fault! I swear, I’m not a sasaeng i-it was a coincidence, we shouldn’t have even approached-“
“Hey.” Ni-ki cuts you off, snapping his fingers in your face. His voice simmers down to a soft murmur that barely cuts through your rant. “Stop.”
“WHAT?” you shout, still high strung, feeling your hands ache as you begin to shake.
“I know.” A soft teasing smile overtakes his features, making your face burn hot on top of everything else. “I knew for a while.”
“Huh?” you muster out shakily, pressing yourself further into the wall.
He sighs, taking a step back, letting you breathe. “Let’s just say you suck at whispering.” Of course, that’s what it was. He chuckles as you bury your burning face into your hands. “That and your concert bracelet was sticking out of your bikini the entire time.”
“Shit.” you whisper, head spinning from the pressure of your own panic releasing. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because watching you squirm was fun.” He gives you a goofy grin. “Do you know how entertaining it is to see someone pretend they aren’t freaking out over you?”
“You’re an asshole.” You huff, hugging your arms around your body, trying to walk past him. Angry tears well up in your eyes as you dodge him. “Of course, this shit’s fun for you.”
“Hey, we’re not done talking.” He grabs your shoulder, cornering you back into the back of the couch. You wrench out of his grip.
“What else is there?” you snap, refusing to look at him, face burning red. “You knew everything the whole time, so what else do you want from me?”
“If you’re such a big fan, why do you act like you hate me any time I’d try to get close?” He asks, his stare hard against you. “I’m confused. Aren’t you supposed to…want me?”
“I..” your voice is barely audible even to you. “I thought that, if you didn’t know that I was a fan and I was flirting with you, it would be like I was taking advantage of the situation.”
“Well, I do know.” He responds. “So?”
“Well, I don’t know…it felt wrong to push my…fantasies I guess, onto you.” You cringe at yourself. “Wait that sounded wrong, I mean…I don’t even know how to explain it. But every time you look at me or get close, I feel like I have to remind myself who you are and who I am and it- I guess that made it seem like I was avoiding you and maybe I was but-why are you laughing?”
Not a chuckle, not a smile with too much breath behind it, he was genuinely laughing, smile stretched ear to ear. He was gorgeous like this, unfiltered and genuine. He wiped a fake tear. You tried to step around him, but he blocked your path again.
“That’s what you were worried about? Taking advantage of me?” He asked, thoroughly entertained.
“Well..” You shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah.”
“You’re adorable. Well..” He mocked you. “ I know you like me and I’m still here.” He stepped even closer, so close that you were practically chest to chest. His gaze deep into your eyes, like he was memorizing your features. For once, you found yourself unable to look away. “You’re shaking again, pretty.” He murmured, his voice low, heavy.
“How can I not?” You murmured back, finally allowing yourself to feel all the emotions you refused to feel all week. “It’s you.”
He smirked. “So are you gonna finally let me kiss you? Or are you gonna dodge me again and make me feel stupid?”
“What?” You whispered weakly.
Ni-ki heaves a sigh. “Maybe you’re the stupid one.” He holds your jaw, caressing your bottom lip with his thumb, the touch sending sparks through you. He leans in, stopping barely a centimeter from your lips. “Tell me to stop.” He whispers. You don’t want him to.
He closes the distance and captures your lips with his. Your eyes flutter shut as your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest. The kiss is soft, careful at first, but it quickly becomes desperately hungry. His perfectly soft, perfectly plump lips meld with yours in a way that makes your head spin. Niki tilts his head, deepening the kiss, his hand snaking around your waist. You tangle your hands in his blond locks and he groans quietly at the pull, swiping his tongue along your bottom lip. You let him in, sighing against his lips as his tongue slides against yours.
Ni-ki’s hands find their way underneath your top. Your breath hitches at the feel of his hands on your burning skin. He pulls away slightly, looking absolutely wrecked, lips swollen and messy with your gloss, eyes searching yours in a silent question.
You speak first, your voice barely a whisper. “Is this really gonna happen?”
He leans back as if he is studying you. “You want it to?”
You nod hesitantly, heart hammering in your rib cage as you pull him into another kiss before you can overthink. He hums in approval, grabbing onto your hips. He pulls away from the kiss, his lips tracing your neck and collarbone as his fingers deftly work the ties of your halter top, letting it fall to the floor. You tug at the hem of his shirt, to which he stops your hand.
“Patience.” He chuckles. “You first.”
You huff at him as he reaches around you, undoing the clasps of your bra, letting it join your halter top on the ground. He yanks your skirt along with your panties down your thighs, letting them fall around your ankles, leaving you completely bare in front of him. You cross your arms, covering yourself, suddenly self-conscious.
“No.” He murmured snatching my wrists. “No, don’t hide that body from me. Let me see.” He pulled my arms away from my body, eyes roaming with hunger. “Shit. You’re unreal.”
His hands greedily roamed my bare body, letting them linger on my breast with an almost reverent squeeze. “I’ve been dying to see you like this all week.” He whispered against my lips, forcing my legs apart with his knee.
“A week? Try 2 years.” You mutter shakily, tugging at his shirt insistently.
He chuckles. “You’re so impatient.” He pulls his shirt off, exposing his perfect tatted body. You stare shamelessly, dragging your eyes from his chest to his toned abs to the kiss mark tattoo on his hip bone. “Eyes up here.” He teases, forcing you to look at him. “I wanna see them while I ruin you.”
He slips his hand between your bodies. His fingers swipe through your already soaked folds, making you gasp. You grab his arm, your hips jerking under his touch, as his thumb rubs slow circles on your clit. You nearly lose footing, and he grabs your hip, steadying you against the couch.
“So responsive,” he teases, circling your clit with his thumb. “I barely even touched you.”
You are gasping at the joint sensation of his hands on your hip and clit, gripping his arm tight, bracing yourself against the back of the couch. “Ni-ki..” You beg, not even sure what you are begging for. He lets out a soft groan as another buck of your hips grazes against his already growing bulge.
“What is it, pretty?” He hummed, peppering hot kisses down your collarbone. His hand still worked your sensitive clit only stopping to slide a finger into your entrance. You clenched around his hand, making him hiss. “Fuck…squeezing me so good..I haven’t even fucked you yet.” He groaned.
“Ni-ki please..” you whimper, hands clutching his arm painfully as his finger slowly pumps in and out of you.
“Please what?” he whispers into the shell of your ear, not even thinking of going easy on you as he adds a second finger into you, curling them slow and cruel until your thighs drip and tremble. “Use your words.”
You can’t. Your legs shake under you as you dig your nails into his shoulders, hugging him tight as his fingers worked you open. “Shit..” you gasp. Your walls pulse around his fingers.
“You’re gonna cum aren’t you?” he murmurs, pressing his forehead to yours. You nod shakily. “Give it to me then.”
As if on cue, your body listens, shuddering around him. You come hard, clutching onto him tight with a pathetically loud moan. He chuckles, fingers never slowing. You buck your hips in protest.
“Please Ni-Ki.” you cry. “Let me suck it.”
His fingers still. He looks at you with a dark mix of surprise, amusement, and desire. “That was not what I was expecting.” He smirks, pulling his hands away. “Say it again.”
“Let me suck your dick.” you beg, cheeks flaming at your own request. “I..I need it, please just let me-“
His hands fly to you arms, grabbing you and spinning both of you around. He falls back onto the couch, taking you with him. He grabs your hand gently, pressing it against his clothed bulge. “See what you do to me?” He breathes.
You say nothing, cheeks flushing. You slide off of his lap onto the floor as he undoes his belt, watching as he frees himself from his jeans, giving himself a few strokes. His cock springs out flushed, angry, and fucking huge. Just as you thought. Your mouth waters at the sight.
“I knew it.” You whisper.
“What?” He raises his brow.
“Nothing it’s just big.” You reply, voice a lot smaller than you intended. “Maybe a little too big..”
He gives you an uncharacteristically soft smile. “Don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you.” He purrs, stroking your cheek with one hand, his other hand taking your own and wrapping it around his base.
The feel of him in your hands, hot and throbbing, sends a shiver down your spine as you lean forward and press a sloppy kiss to his leaking tip. He hisses, gripping your head, as you tease him with flicks of your tongue before taking his head into your mouth with a soft suck. Your eyes flutter shut at the taste of his skin.
“Fuck..” he muttered, gazing into your eyes with dark intensity. “Keep those pretty eyes on me. Got it?”
“Mhm.” You hummed around him as you took him deeper, keeping eye contact the best you could while your cheeks flamed. He stroked your hair, the action gentle but the look in his eyes, hungry. You let out a slow shuddering breath through your nose, memorizing the way he tasted, the way his cock felt sliding against your tongue.
He groaned, fingers tangling into your hair tighter. You bobbed your head, relaxing your throat as you took him as deeply as you could, swirling your tongue around the head. His head lolled back, his deep breathy moans music to your ears, making heat pool in your stomach. “Fuck, pretty you’re perfect.” He slurred, thrusting softly into your mouth. “Taking my dick so good.”
You whimpered around him as his head hit the back of your throat, his moans and praises only spurring you on. You tried to match your movement to his thrusts as he sped up, tracing the veins with your tongue, while keeping your eye on him. You watched his reaction intently while your lips worked him, savoring every sound, every shudder he gave you. Watching him slowly wreck made you burn with need. Tears streamed down your face as you gagged around him, taking him as deep as you could, your nose hitting his stomach.
“You’re so pretty like this.” He groaned, swiping a thumb across your cheek. “All teary eyed, gagging on my cock.”
Your stomach fluttered at the praise as you sucked him, ignoring your sore jaw, just focusing on him. The way his thighs twitched under your hands, the way his abs flexed from the pressure, the feel of his hands guiding your head down his length.
He looked insane. That was the only way to describe it. He was flushed, his ears and neck dusked pink, his plump lips open in a perfect o, his eyes barely open under quivering lashes.
“Nia…so good….” He moaned. “I need to be inside you, fuck…can I-?” The request sounded so uncharacteristically shy you felt your stomach flip. You swallowed around him, not answering, your eyes fluttering shut.
Suddenly he pulled out of your mouth with a lewd pop. You whined in protest, your voice hoarse, lungs burning with the much needed air.
He yanks you up onto his lap. You steady yourself with your hands on his bare chest. He looks into your eyes, hands stroking your back. “You’re fucking insane.” He murmurs, fingers splaying over your back, pulling you to his chest. You lean into his shoulder, trying to catch your breath while he presses wet kisses down your neck and wipes the drool off your chin with his thumb.
He grinds his hips into yours. You jolt, feeling his blunt tip slide against your slick folds. “Ni-ki!” You gasp, hiding your burning face in his neck.
He scoffs, gently pulling your hair back to force you to look at him. “You don’t get to act all cute and shy after you just sucked my dick like you were starving.” He mutters, capturing your lips in a bruising kiss.
You fist his hair, grinding your hips against him. He bucks his hips in warning. You sigh into the kiss, grinding down harder.
“Fuck this.” He mutters, dragging you off his lap, pushing you down onto the couch unceremoniously. “Sorry, pretty.” He chuckles darkly, climbing over you, slotting himself between your thighs. “Couldn’t wait any longer.”
You arch your back, lifting your chest toward him. He chuckles, tracing a nipple with his fingers. “You know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you? Want my dick so bad you’re offering your pussy to me?” He groans, grinding his hips into yours. “I’ve been thinking about pinning you under me like this all fucking week.” You press against him impatiently.
“Just…fuck me already.” You whisper, tears of frustration pricking the corner of your eyes.
His hands knead your inner thighs, spreading your folds to see how embarrassingly wet you are. “You’re soaked.” He laughs, lining himself up, teasing your slit with his head. “All this just from sucking me off? Or is it from my fingers? Tell me.”
You whine in annoyance. “Ni-ki dammit, just-“
Your words are cut off by him splitting you open, slowly and torturously. You try to say something, but your voice comes out a pathetic squeak as he slides into you. His breath hitches, eyes widening at the feel of your walls wrapping around him, and he lets out a broken moan directly into your ear. Your hands claw at the couch as you scream. He leans down quickly, swallowing your cry with a deep kiss.
“Shit.” He pants, only making it halfway in. “You’re so tight it almost hurts.” He gives a breathy laugh, trying to hide the fact that he is as overwhelmed as you are. He pulls out slightly, feeding himself in again, gripping your thighs and forcing them wider. “C’mon relax.”
The burn was too much and too perfect at the same time as you bottomed out. You whimpered, reaching between you to still his hips. He grabbed your wrist. “Move your hand.” He rasped. “Just let me..” He pinned it above your head, lacing his fingers with yours in a way that felt too sweet for a one-night stand.
You buried your face into his neck to muffle your whimpers as he rocked his hips, letting you get accustomed to being so full of him. “Shhhhh, almost there.” He whispered, kissing a tear off of your cheek. “You’re doing so good, just a little more. I won’t move till you tell me to. Okay?”
You relaxed around him, the painful burn slowly fading into overwhelming pleasure. “Move.” You whispered.
Slowly, you begin rolling your hips, heaving a sigh that is between restraint and relief. Your hands claw his back as he fucks you slow and deep, his name leaving your lips like a mantra. He grabs your thighs, holding you open and vulnerable.
“Fuck.” He grunts, his thrusts speeding up. “It’s like you were made for me. So fucking good..”
He sets a dizzying pace, hips slamming into yours so hard the couch creaks. You sob his name loud and unashamed as he hits all the right spots with his blunt head. Your walls spasm around his pulsing cock, threatening to release. Suddenly he pulls out, the emptiness in you almost painful. He flips you around, yanking your hips up with a slap that makes you yelp.
When he slid back in, you whimper softly, relishing the feeling of being full of him again. His hands trail your spine as he pounds into you. “Fuck.” He whimpers, leaning down to press his lips to the peony at your nape. “I had dreams about this tattoo. About where it ended.” His hands press into your back dimples.
His thrusts become erratic as he leans down, pressing hot messy kisses against the back of your neck, traveling down your back, coloring the flowers a deep purple. A hot coil tightens in your stomach again.
“Ni-ki!” you wail, gripping onto the couch, onto the armrest, anything you can get your hands on. “I’m gonna-“
“I know.” He murmurs into your neck, reaching around and rubbing fast messy circles on your clit. “Give it to me, pretty. Make a mess all over me.”
The orgasm crashes over you like a hot wave, whiting out your vision. You sob out his name as every muscle in your body shudders. He fucks you through it, digging his fingers into your hips, his sounds getting more broken as you gush around him. “I know, I know. You can take it, just a little more okay?” he rambles out, his thrusts becoming sloppy and erratic.
With a wrecked moan, he pulls out and fists his cock twice before spilling all over your back before collapsing down onto your back.
You lay there, silent, your shuddering breaths the only sound in the room. Ni-ki shifts, pushing himself off of you, leaning against the couch. You turn your head to look at him, eyes glazed over. He stares back incredulously, still breathing heavily.
“What?” you croak out, a heavy tiredness settling over you.
“You’re insane.” He grins. “‘Ve never came that hard in my life.” He strokes the mess on your spine.
“You aimed for my back on purpose didn’t you?” you tease weakly, still shaking.
“Yep.” He nods. “Ever since I saw the tattoo, cumming all over it was the only thought on my mind.” You let out a small scoff.
“Let’s go.” He says, standing up, gathering you into his arms. You slump into his chest.
“Where?”
“To clean up.” He replies, carrying you to the bathroom. “You don’t wanna fall asleep all sticky do you?”
Your eyes widen. “Wait but Ria-“
“-won’t be back till morning.” He cuts you off softly, holding you up while turning on the shower. “I took care of it.”
Meanwhile
“I don’t know. I still think you cheated.” Heeseung sighed, handing Ria yet another hundred dollar bill. She grinned, snatching the money out of his hand and tucking it into the pocket of her shorts.
“Nah, you just suck at games.” She giggled. “It’s okay, Heeseung. Nobody’s perfect.”
“You don’t think I’m perfect?” He grasped his chest with a pained expression. “I can’t believe you just said that to me. That hurt.”
“Your pain means nothing to me.” She replied with a smile. “That’s payment for staring at my ass.”
“Whatever.” He shook his head, reshuffling the uno card. “We should probably head back.”
“What, can’t handle another round?” Ria smirked.
“No, I just ran out of cash.” Heeseung replied dryly.
“Doesn’t have to be money. We can make it interesting.” Ria said, twirling a card in her hand. Heeseung raised a brow. “Loser gets a flick.”
“Fine.” Heeseung muttered and the game began.
About 10 minutes later, he is biting his lip in anticipation, hands almost shaking as he holds 2 cards in his hands.
“Uno! Draw 4!” He shouted triumphantly placing the card. Upon seeing Ria’s smirk his joy faltered and watch in horror as she very gingerly and carefully placed a draw 4 in front of him.
“Draw 8.” She whispered as if it were a scandalous secret.
“I can’t believe you.” Heeseung groaned, picking up 8 cards. “How is this fair?”
“It’s not my fault if you suck at this game.” She shrugged, placing her final card. “Also, I win. Bring your forehead.”
Heeseung heaved a dejected sigh, leaning in. Ria reached forward, pulling her middle finger back like a slingshot and delivering a very loud, very painful thud to his forehead. He jerked back, offended and in pain, rubbing the sore spot on his forehead, the area already blooming pink.
“If this bruises by the time I need to do another stop I’m suing you.” He grumbled.
“You can’t, we both signed that NDA.” Ria replied, stuffing the cards back into the box. “Protects you from me but also protects me from you.”
“Whatever.” He muttered, thoroughly humiliated.
“We should probably head back, my girl’s waiting for us.” Ria sighed, standing up with a stretch. “We’ve been here for hours.”
Heeseung began to nod, but was cut off by two sharp dings from his phone. He quickly checked the message.
Ni-ki: They’re both ENGENES
Ni-ki: Make sure Ria doesn’t go back to her suite tonight. We’re busy.
Heeseung slowly smirked at his screen. Finally, he thought to himself. Finally Ni-ki was going to do the one thing he wouldn’t shut up about the entire week. But that also means-
“So Ria.” Heeseung suddenly stepped in stride with her. “Who’s your bias?”
Ria faltered. “What are you talking about?” She said calmly. It was only a second before she regained composure, but it was enough for Heeseung to know that she knew exactly what he was taking about.
“You know,” he shrugged with a smirk. “In ENHYPEN. Is it me?”
“I don’t know,” she replied, walking just a little faster, Heeseung trailing behind her. “I don’t listen to your music and I don’t know what a bias is.”
“Don’t act dumb with me.” Heeseung scoffed, following her into the elevator. “I already know, there’s no need to be shy, just say it.”
Ria gave an annoyed sigh. “Dude, not everyone has to be your fan.” She quickly pulled out her phone, as the doors closed behind them. “Just accept it.”
She opened her notification to see that you texted her.
Ria. They know.
Shit. She thought to herself. Still maybe she can try to fake it till she make it. She kept her cool, her fingers flying across the screen asking for context, details, anything.
As Ria typed out questions, a hand gently wrapped around her phone, pressing the power button. On her lock screen, in full view, was a picture of Heeseung. Slowly, full of dread she looked up at him. He raised his brow with a barely hidden smirk.
“So what was that about not being my fan?” He asked, crossing his arms.
Ria stared directly ahead of her, not daring to even look in Heeseung’s direction. He followed, stepping into her line of sight. She turned. He followed.
“We’re playing this game?” He scoffed, leaning against the wall behind him, setting his stance stubbornly, as the only thing Ria could year was the slow hard beat of her heart in her ears.
She didn’t answer, staring hard ahead, counting each floor, begging the doors to open.
“So you’re just not going to say anything, Ria?” He taunted quietly, reaching out to turn her face towards him. The elevator door dinged open.
In a moment of panic, Ria’s hand shot up pointing at a random corner. “WHATS THAT.”
Confused, Heeseung turned around. “What’s what?”
Suddenly Ria shoved Heeseung back hard, with enough force to knock him back into the wall with a thud. She sprinted out of the elevator doors but not before slamming on the elevator button panel, pressing as many buttons as possible. But that wasn’t enough to keep him from slipping out after her.
She sprinted down the hall, not daring to look behind her. She didn’t have to, Heeseung was hot on her trail feet pounding intently the carpeted hallway. The chase, although intense was embarrassingly short. Ria sprinted with everything she had, twisting and turning down hallways when she suddenly felt a hard yank on the hood of her sweater. She gasped, as Heeseung shoved her against a door, trapping her in with his arms.
“You lost.” He grinned, slightly out of breath.
“Heeseung, you need to let go.” Ria mustered in a panic. “Let me go and I’ll explain.”
He shrugged and reached behind her. Ria heard the familiar beep of the lock. The door opened suddenly behind her and she fell into the hotel suite, Heeseung now towering over her.
She scrambled, trying to crawl out of the room through the doorway when Heeseung suddenly grabbed her ankles and yanked her back in with a yelp. He slammed the door behind him, locking it and blocking it for good measure. She scrambled back, away from him, trying to turn her head to find another exit. Heeseung crouches next to her, still out of breath.
“Why am I your screensaver if I’m not your bias?” He sneered. “Who is it then? Jake? Jungwon?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Ria bit back. “That’s not even you in the picture!”
Heeseung’s sneer faltered. He reached into her hoodie pocket to double check, fighting her hands off like a child wrestling away a toy. “Let go!” He grunted, yanking her phone away, turning on the screen. He looked at the screen. Then at Ria. Then back. “Ria that’s me.”
“No it’s not!” She demanded, although not sounding as convincing anymore. “I found it on Pinterest, just thought it was a nice picture.”
He raised his brow with a smirk. “So that means I’m your type.”
“You’re far from it.” Ria muttered, standing up. “You’re insanely annoying. Especially during the red hair era-“ she clamped her hand over her mouth.
“What was that?” Heeseung raised a brow, following her.
“Nothing.” She mumbled, heading towards the door. “Just stay away from me dude, there’s something wrong with you.”
Heeseung grabbed Ria’s wrist turning and pressing her to the wall his chest flush to hers. “I think you know exactly what is wrong with me.” He whispered pressing a knee between her legs. And Ria knew. The evidence was pressing hard and insistent against her hip.
“Shit…” Ria let out a shakey whisper, her hands planted firmly against his chest, pressed between their two bodies like a barrier. “There’s no way..”
“There is.” Heeseung whispered. He crashed his lips into hers, rough and hungry. Ria whimpered in shock from the kiss. He pulled away ever so slightly, resting his forehead against hers. “Okay?” He mumbled into her lips.
“O-okay.” She murmured back shakily before closing the distance between them herself, her hands clutching the front of his hoodie, eyes screwed shut.
Heeseung smirked into the kiss, biting onto her bottom lip. Ria hummed into the kiss, pressing her tongue into his mouth.
Heeseung’s hands were all over her in an instant, traveling down her sides, hooking onto the waistline of her shorts. He yanked them down, cupping her through her already soaked panties. Ria bit her lip, stifling a whimper.
“Okay.” Heeseung murmured into her neck teasing her entrance with her fingers. “New bet. If I make you cum five times by midnight, you give me all 500 dollars back.”
“And if I do it first?” She hung her arms loosely around his neck trying to keep composure.
He gave her a dumb grin. “Then I’ll give you 500 more.”
Ria thought about it before her lips spread in a slow smirk as she reached for his waistband. “You’re on.”
“One more round?” Ni-ki murmured into your hair. You haven’t even caught your breath yet, sprawled out on your bed after round 3.
You looked up at him with a glare. “My spinal column’s shot, give me a second.”
“Fine, fine.” He chuckled, stroking your hair away from your face. “I swear, I can’t get over your eyes.”
“Stop.” You muttered, looking away, cheeks bright red.
He laughed. “You can’t seriously be shy around me after I was just inside you.”
“Yeah I can, you’re Ni-ki.” You replied, laughing despite yourself.
You laid there just pillow talking for what felt like hours, and it was perfect. Serene. “So.” You laid your head on his chest. “Is it..normal for you to sleep with fans?”
“Please it barely happens.” He scoffed. “I barely have enough time to sleep, you think I have time to fuck?”
“Explains why you were so pent up.” You murmured, tracing the tattoo on his side.
“That and you’re just really pretty.” He replied, looking down at you. “I wasn’t kidding when I said that.” You blushed, turning into his neck, deciding silence was the better answer. “So you gonna tell me the real reason you cried during XO?” He asked you.
“Well,” you sighed. “That song is what got me into Enhypen in the first place. Like, before I learned your names I had that song on repeat for weeks, it just became a part of me.”
“You’re an emotional little thing aren’t you?” He chuckled.
“More or less.” You reply. “Enough to pass out at least.”
His eyes widen. “That was you? We were wondering what happened.”
“Yep.” You reply, embarrassed to look at him. “Just got too excited.”
“Well, glad you didn’t pass out on me.” He smiles, pulling you into his chest.
“Shut up.” You mumble into his collarbone.
He pulls back to look at you with a devious smirk. “Round 4?”
The offer alone makes your stomach pool with need. “Please.”
It was 5 am. The halls were silent. Ria untangled herself from Heeseung’s sleeping form, quietly and quickly getting dressed. She limped out of the room, hobbling onto the elevator with shaking legs and 1000 dollars cash in her shorts pocket. Looks like my next ticket’s on him. She thought to herself with a smirk.
She slowly made her way back to your shared room, using the wall to support her. The door suddenly opened, revealing Ni-ki, looking flushed, exhausted, and refreshed all at the same time. They crossed each other in the hallway, silently acknowledging each other with a knowing nod.
Ria finally made it to the room, scanning her card. You were still awake looking absolutely spent in an unfamiliar t shirt, sipping water, ibuprofen bottle sitting open on the bedside table.
“Hey.” You croaked out, voice horse.
“Hey.” Ria replied, taking a shaky seat on the bed. “How you feeling?”
“I should be asking you the same thing.” You gave a weak wheezing chuckle.
“Good God, what did he do to you?” Ria asked, taking a couple ibuprofen herself. “You sound like a mess.”
“Everything he was supposed to.” You replied. “Consider my PCD cured.”
Never getting over this.” Ria commented.
Together you watched the sunrise from the bedroom window, still processing exactly how you each spent the night.
Epilogue
1 year later, you and Ria are perched on the barricade. That year was good to you both. Your faces are prettier, waists thinner, outfits more expensive. In other words, your careers took off and it was visible.
“You can’t believe you’re doing this again.” You grin at Ria, hopping a bit in your Doc Kasey’s. You learned your lesson from last year.
“Ugh I know.” She sighs, swiping her freshly dyed auburn locks out of the way.
“Don’t you think it’s gonna be a bit weird though?” You murmur close to her ear. “Seeing them after you…”
“That was a one-time experience.” She replies. “A good memory, nothing else. This is also gonna be a good memory, you’re just here to enjoy the show.”
“You’re right, you’re right.” You nod. And she is right.
The moment the stage opens and the first notes of the intro begin, in the screams of the audience you lose your mind. You are exactly where you need to be, a fan on the barricade.
You scream your heart out to every lyric, clutching your lightstick to your chest as if it would ground you. Yes, you do cry during XO and you’re not ashamed. Thank God for waterproof makeup. At least you don’t pass out this time.
“We can never do regular ground again.” Ria yells into your ear.
“Facts.” You nod. Nothing will ever match this view, this feeling.
The members come out, ready for their ments. “Thank you all so much for coming out tonight!” Jungwon exclaims into the stadium, being met with a roar of screams, cheers, and barks. Once the crowd dies down, Jungwon continues.
But at that point, you aren’t listening. Your eyes are fixed on one person and one person only. Ni-ki stands on the side, looking impeccable as he always does, nodding along to whatever Jungwon is saying. He looks so perfect with his hair dyed black with that little skunk streak at his temple. You reach for your phone, taking a quick video to capture the moment forever, yet your eyes never leave him.
Suddenly Ni-ki’s gaze flicked toward you. You freeze, phone still clutched under your chin. His eyes find yours, holding contact that you will still never get used to. Your breath shudders. His eyes squinted ever so slightly before recognition flashed in his face. Slowly his lips curl into a knowing smirk as he tilts his head toward you, studying your face before letting his eyes drag down your body and look back toward the floor.
“I suggest you breathe before you pass out again.” Ria says, pinching your arm. You gasp for a breath of air, realizing you forgot to breathe in. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.” You reply. “Nothing’s wrong.”
After the concert, you squeeze your way toward the exit, dodging fans left and right. A security guard steps in front of you. “Sorry to bother you ladies. Can we see your I.D’s?”
“Sure.” You reply, eyes furrowed in confusion but complying. After handing him your ID cards, the guard examines them long and hard. “Alright. Come with me please.”
“Is there something wrong?” Ria asks.
“No ma’am.” He replies, leading the way. “But I’m not allowed to disclose anything until we get there.”
You and Ria swap looks. There’s no way right? What are the chances?
You and Ria are led backstage where two separate guards wait for you. “If you could just sign this please.” One asks politely, holding out a paper and pen for you.
You gingerly take the pen and scan the document that is already filled out with your name. And at the top in bold letters, rushing above your name.
Non Disclosure Agreement
Your head snaps over to Ria. She stares back, signing the paper without thinking. You give her a stupid grin. As the guards lead you down a hallway of dressing rooms and various doors, you hit a fork in the hallway.
“This way miss.” One says to you.
“Right this way.” The other led Ria the opposite direction.
Ria looks up at you with a devious grin. Before you split ways, she hits you with a high five. “Good luck,” she whispers.
“You too,” you reply.
You follow him to a door labeled Dressing Room 5. You hold your breath as the guard knocks on the door, palms sweating. You try your best to wipe them on your corset.
A staff member pokes his head out, quietly exchanging a few quiet words with the guard. “Yeah, it’s her.”
“Checked ID?” The staff member asks.
“Yep.”
“Let her in.” A familiar deep voice sounds behind the door. “And leave us alone please.” Your heart pounds at the sound of his voice.
The staff member glances behind the door with a nod before stepping out, holding the door open for you. “Come in please.”
You nod slightly and step in on shaking legs. The door shuts behind you. You stare at the floor, trying to ground yourself in the silence before looking up. Your throat goes dry at the sight of him.
Ni-ki sat on a couch in front of you, eyes shining with recognition and want. He stood up, crossing the room in slow strides. You followed him with your gaze, a smile slowly spreading across your face. He stopped directly in front of you.
“Hey, pretty.” He murmured, gazing down at you through his lashes. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Surprised you still remember me.” You whispered back, your hands finding purchase on his chest as he slung his arms loosely around your waist.
He chuckled. “How could I forget the best fuck of my life?”
“Oh please.” You rolled your eyes, ignoring your burning face as you picked at his tank top. “I’m sure you stay that to all the-“
He shut you up, capturing your lips in a filthy kiss. “I don’t wanna hear it.”
You giggled into his mouth as his hands hungrily roamed your body. “You’re needier than I remember.” You mumbled, clutching his tank.
“It’s been a long day.” He laughed against your lips despite himself. “Give me a break.”
“Oh, I plan on it.” You smile knowingly, pulling your corset knot loose, unclipping it slowly, and letting it fall to the floor.
Ni-ki yanks his tank off, watching you hungrily as you undress slowly. “Shit.” He murmurs, his hands gliding over every inch of bare skin you uncover. “I’m going to need your number. I think I’ll want you every time I’m in LA.”
“No.” You grin.
“Huh?” His brow furrows in confusion.
“You know where I stay.” You hum cheekily, pressing your chest to his. “Don’t you think finding me is more fun?”
“You’re just as much of a tease as I remember, pretty.” He smirks, squeezing your hips. “I can’t get enough of you.”
You smile, sighing as his lips trail your neck and his hands trace your spinal tattoo.
“Guess you better try.” You whisper into the shell of his ear. “You get me once a year.”
“Then I already can’t wait.” He murmurs, pressing his lips to yours in a slow kiss.
“SHIT!”
Your heads snap to the door, hearing the echo of Heeseung’s screams. You stifle a laugh. “So much for non-disclosure.”
END
Learning Curve: NRK
You’re book smart. But you’re really life stupid.
You thought this semester would be easy, just like the rest of them. But one particularly annoying student has decided that his favorite activity is getting under your skin any chance he gets.
Pairing: college!Riki and afab!reader
WC: 26.5 K
Genre: MDNI Smut, fluff, angst, professorxstudent (surprise)
Tags: Forbidden Relationship, enemies to lovers, denial, slight bullying, slow burn and then gets fast paced out of no where, prodigy!reader, older reader (2 years) burnout, lot of exhaustion and stressed induced crying, mutual yearning (down bad Riki) mentions of drinking and gambling, caffeine addiction, Riki’s kind of an asshole, reader isn’t much better, oblivious reader (misinterprets flirting as disrespect), Ria is back (ifkyk)
NSFW CW: Smut, p in v, fingering, oral sex (f receiving) , big dick!riki, slight dubcon, dumbification, risk of getting caught, belly bulge, experienced!riki inexperienced!reader, risk of getting caught, mentions of masterbation (m) size training, aftercare, petnames: pretty girl, baby, prof, nerd
A/N okay; idk how it became 26k I swear it was just supposed to be a Drabble but I kept adding and adding but at least it’s finished
- - -
“Honestly, I was worried about you kid, but you did it!” Your classmate Erin whispered, squeezing your hand gently. “Master’s at 19.”
“Yeah.” You gave a shakey exhale, nervously smoothing out your stole for the fiftieth time. “I did it.”
Every sleepless night, every worried phone call from your mother, every homesick tear that you shed, all led up to this moment. You were finally getting your Master’s Degree of Fine Arts in Literature, after spending all of your teen years in libraries and lecture halls, nose buried in old books decoding Shakespearean prose.
It’s about damn time. You thought to yourself as your name was called, followed by cheers of your classmates. I deserve this. You reminded yourself, walking the stage. And you did after spending your entire childhood, your entire life, studying to fulfill your goals. Now I have time to live life.
- - -
“So, Wonderkid, what’s next?” Erin slung her arm across your shoulders at the small after party as your mother sobbed and took pictures.
“You know I don’t like it when you call me that.” you laughed, swatting at her arm affectionately.
“Watch it, I’m still your senior!” She warned.
“We graduated in the same class.”
“And I’m 10 years older than you.” She glared playfully. “But seriously. What’s your big plan?”
“Honestly,” you heave a resigned sigh. “I want to become a professor.”
Her smile went slack. “Why? You just escaped! Live a little.”
“The pursuit of knowledge never stops! This is living!” you exclaimed, your eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. “Can you imagine the possibilities if I had access to all the ancient literature that’s only available here? I could completely transform the world’s understanding of Homer, Dostoyevsky, Cicero, Eliot! I could uncover the hidden depths in texts that have never been seen before—“
“Okay, okay, nerd, I get it,” she laughed, shaking her head. “So you spent your entire life researching just to… continue researching?”
“Well, kind of,” you shrugged. “I want to do it on my own terms, though. And who knows…” you added with a soft, wistful smile, “maybe a kid like me will come along, who will be just as scared as I was, who has it as hard as I did. Maybe I could be the one to guide them..” you trailed off, in thought.
It was so hard to get people to take you seriously. Nobody wanted to be responsible for the literal child in undergrad, and absolutely nobody gave a shit about the 16 year old master’s student. Despite the joking and the gawking of your way older peers, nothing could deter you from the pursuit of knowledge. And you’d be damned if you made anyone struggle the way you did.
“Yeah,” Erin’s eyes softened. “You did struggle, didn’t you?” You nodded, carefully tracing the designs of your cap in your hands, stroking the tassel. “You still handled the program like a champ, Wonderkid.”
“Thanks.” You rolled your eyes, taking a sip from your cup. It wasn’t alcohol, but honestly with your years of college behind you, you kinda wished it was.
- - -
The difficulties didn’t stop after you got your MFA, but they did lessen. You had weight behind your name now, you were featured in newspapers, your published works were cited by thousands for your revolutionary insight, your novels were becoming more known. Honestly you were pretty worried that you would still have to prove yourself to the university board, but they were surprisingly very happy to give the young prodigy professor a chance. You sat face to face with the dean of literature, trying to covertly wipe your sweating hands as he read over your references. Please. You prayed. Please I need this. Please.
“Professor Lee had a lot of good things to say about you.” The dean smiled broadly. “He said you were one of his brightest and most enthusiastic students. But are you sure you want to teach a class of your peers? Seems like a bit of an odd choice for someone your age.”
“I have seen more oddities at 20 years old than most professionals have seen in their entire tenure.” You replied, with a decisive nod. “I’m sure that I have something valuable to give. Please have faith in me.”
“Alright, I’ll give you a chance. However. If you run into issues, do not hesitate to come to me.” He held out his hand. “Alright?”
Relief flooded your head at those words. I’m in. You puffed out a breathy laugh. “Yes sir.” You grinned, clutching his hand with both of yours. “I won’t let you down.”
- - -
Two years later, the struggling prodigy transformed before the eyes of all the faculty into one of the most respectable professors of comparative literature on campus, garnering praise not only from faculty but from your own students. The start of the semester was here, and you smiled proudly at your reflection in the mirror as you curled your last lock of hair.
“Yes, yes, you’re professional and hot, we get it.” Ria, one of your only friends that is your age, joked setting a cold Red Bull on your vanity.
“Whatever!” You laughed, releasing the fresh curl from the wand, watching it bounce and recoil. “It’s the first day of the semester, I’m allowed to dress up a bit.”
“Right.” She replied, plopping down on your bed behind you. “Let me see what you’re wearing.”
“Oh, its right here.” You stood up, pulling out a hanger from your closet, a meticulously planned outfit carefully arranged on it. “What do you think?”
Ria examined the outfit closely. “The turtleneck’s cute.” She squinted. “The skirt’s gonna age you, the whole midi pencil thing isn’t working. Cardigan’s not great either.”
“Hey!” You furrowed your brow. “I spent good money on these pieces!”
“And they’re nice,” Ria held up her hands in defense. “Just not together. Wear the short tweed skirt you bought last week. And pair it with the grey jacket, and the Mary Jane heels.”
You thought for a moment, trying to visualize the outfit before giving an approving hum. “I guess your fashion degree is good for something after all.” You hummed, pulling the items from your closet.
Ria responded by throwing a pillow at you with unexplainable force. “If it wasn’t for me you’d look like Professor Umbridge. Be thankful.”
“Why do I even let you into my home?” You rolled your eyes with a smile. “Thanks for the help.”
“I need more thanks than that.” She raised her brow.
Is she serious? You gave her a dead stare, before taking a deep obnoxious bow. “Madam,” you began dramatically. “Your benevolence has descended upon my predicament like a shimmering beacon through a fog of existential uncertainty. To merely say 'thank you' would be a linguistic poverty; you have effectively re-aligned the very stars of my fortune."
That sent her into peals of laughter, almost falling off the edge of the bed. Very mature. “That’s more like it!” She wiped her eye. “But seriously, you owe me a drink.”
“I’ll do you one better.” You reply, turning your back to change out of your hoodie and shorts into the outfit Ria picked for you. “Next time, the entire round is on me.”
“This is why I love you.” She hopped up to her feet, helping you zip the skirt. “You look beautiful.” She said, smoothing the skirt down.
“If I hadn’t known better, I’d think you were in love with me.” You tease, twirling in front of the mirror.
“I take it back, you look like a thumb.” She glared, sending you into dumb giggles. “Go fix your hair, it’s cooled enough.”
You sat down back in front of your vanity, carefully brushing out the curls and arranging them into a soft wavy bun, letting a few pieces frame your face delicately. “How do I look?”
“Professorial.” Ria replied, sipping her coffee as you walked out of your bedroom together. “Anyways, I gotta go. The landlord wanted to talk to me about a noise complaint.”
You furrowed your brow. “What happened?”
She smirked. “It’s a long story that you don’t want to know, but- anyways. Good luck today.”
The nasty comment flew over your head. “Thanks!” You grab your book bag, slinging it across your shoulder as Ria bolted out of the door, the familiar roar of her motorcycle revving outside your door.
You breathe in the already cooling September air, fingers thrumming your textbook, your own published work, joyfully as you walk to your wing, cutting through the grass. The walk from your apartment to the college campus was only 20 minutes and you enjoyed that walk every morning. You usually use this time to plan, to daydream, to already mentally buy rare books, trying to piece together puzzles forgotten by time and-
“Oof!” Someone clipped your shoulder. Hard. Enough to knock your bag off of your shoulder, punching the air from your lungs. You whipped around dropping your book, nearly tripping as you came face to face with one of the most stunning men you’ve ever seen, save for the dumb skunk streak in his short black hair. His eyes widened but barely, as he reached out to catch you.
“Oh shit my bad!” The man murmured, pulling an earbud out, grabbing your waist before you fell, leaving you frozen in shock and indignation. “You should really watch where you’re going.” He said, holding you as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. You look up at him blankly. He stared back as if expecting something.
“I need to watch where I’m going?” You asked, your words slow as if you were tasting them for the first time, trying to keep voice level. I’m not going to let this ruin my day. I won’t allow it.
“Yeah.” He tilted his head with a little smirk. “Haven’t seen you around before. New transfer?” He asked, kneeling down to pick up your textbook off the ground, hand still on your waist.
“No.” You deadpan, trying to keep your composure as emotionless as possible as you reach down to grab your book. “Get your hand off of me, please.”
He stood, lifting his hand in mock surrender with a small smirk. “Alright, alright.” His eyes flitted to your textbook. “Oh, you’re in Comp Lit too?” He said, recognizing the cover. “Heard the professor’s a complete hard ass.”
You raised your brow, not offering him another glance as you shoved the book into your bag, but your curiosity was piqued. “Hard ass?”
“Yeah, my friend had her last year.” He continued conversationally. Your jaw tightened as you walked away. He followed, stepping in stride with you. Dammit.
He turned his head to look at you. His eyes trailed your face taking in your delicate features that were set firm in annoyance. Making you mad was going to be his favorite thing if you were this cute every time, that is if he ever ran into you again. “So you know. Fair warning.” He grinned.
You hummed out a small “I see.” just wanting the conversation to be over. You sped up, trying to lose him and make it to your office as quickly as possible. But damn it, he was faster.
“Woah we just met, you can’t be ditching me already.” He laughed, catching up. “Let’s grab a coffee or something. I’ll show you around.”
His insistence was doing more to piss you off than to convince you. You gripped your bag tighter, keeping your hands busy enough to not start swinging. “I don’t need a tour.” You muttered, sidestepping him. “I’ll see you in class.”
“C’mon.” He cut in front of you. “Let’s grab a drink. Trust me you won’t regret it.”
“I’m good.” You snapped. “Really. Now please leave me alone.”
“Alright.” He laughed, stopping in his tracks, letting you put distance between you two. “You’re cute when you’re mad. I’ll see you later.” He called, clearly smug in his success to annoy you.
You stormed into your office, slamming the door shut. The disrespect. The gall. The nerve! Your jaw clenched, opening up your laptop, scanning your notes one more time before collecting your materials. Class starts in an hour. You have prep to take care of, no use in fuming now.
- - -
Your alarm chimed loud shaking you out of your focus. You look up at your clock with a small sigh. First day jitters never get easier, despite already having 5 first days under your belt. You gathered your things, slipping out of your office into the main hall, the sound of your heeled Mary Jane’s echoing in a satisfying click as you made your way to your classroom. You nodded politely and gave friendly smiles to former students on the way, heaving an excited sigh as you neared the lecture hall. Then you see familiar face. A familiar skunk streak. He was leaning against the cool stone wall chatting up a girl who was giggling at whatever game he was spitting at her. His eyes found yours as if he was looking for you.
His lip curled into a shit eating smirk, eyes following you with a little eyebrow quirk. What’s his problem? You fought the urge to roll your eyes, keeping your face neutral as you passed, walking into the lecture hall to set up your material. Humming whatever song was in your headphones earlier, you connected your computer as students filled the hall with quiet chatter. You looked up from your computer as the last few students trickled in. Dead last was that annoying young man from earlier, surrounded by his friends, his white streak noticeable from a mile away. Seriously? I’m stuck with him all semester? You rubbed the bridge of your nose as he neared. His stupidly handsome face was pulled into that dumb smirk that made your blood boil on sight. Instead of taking a seat, he strolled up to your desk.
“Hey pretty. Playing teachers pet already?” He whispered leaning in, acting like you were friends. “Where’s Professor Hard-Ass? Don’t tell me she’s late.”
“Sit down.” You whispered, looking back down at your roster.
“Want me to save you a spot?” He smirked, tilting his head, his eyes lowly dragging down your figure. “Promise I won’t distract you too much. Unless you want me too.”
“I said sit down.” You repeated through gritted teeth.
He chuckled to himself, proud of how easily he got under your skin. He turned away wordlessly, finding a spot in the second row dead center, eyes not leaving yours as he patted the seat next to him with a silent smirk. The familiar chime of the university bell tower rang low and menacing through the campus. With a decisive sigh you stood up. You turned your back to the class, writing your name on the chalkboard in large thick strokes, visible enough for the back of the room.
“Good afternoon, everyone.” You said, turning around. “I’ll be your Comparative Literature professor this semester.” A confused shudder of noise rippled through the class. The young man’s smirk fell, as realization began to set in. You paused, waiting for the whispers to die down. You held back a smirk of satisfaction. This feeling never gets old.
“I understand I may not be what you anticipated, so allow me to provide some context about myself. I entered university at the age of 13, completed my Master’s degree by 19, and started my tenure at 20.” You slowly paced the front.
“My formative years were largely spent in libraries and archives, where I learned to read by the age of 4. I am currently the youngest faculty member at 22 years old. You might have heard of me; I am often referred to as the Wunderkind, the Prodigy Professor, or, as some might say,” You stopped directly in front of the guy who was leering at you just a few moments ago, face blank but eyes wide with panic. “Professor Hard-Ass.”
- - -
“Alright thank you everyone, class dismissed. Don’t forget to turn in your worksheets.” You called as students filed out. You sighed, collecting your things. You heard footsteps approach as you wiped the chalkboard clean. You didn’t turn around. You didn’t have to.
“Okay I get it.” The young man said, sauntering over to your desk. “We started off on the wrong foot. But you can’t blame me? I wasn’t expecting someone as cute as you.”
You could practically hear the flirt in his voice. “Is that so?” You hum disinterestedly, collecting your items. “What were you expecting?”
“I don’t know, some frump.” He shrugged, leaning against your desk. “Let me make it up to you.”
“I’m curious to see how you plan to make it up to your hard ass frump of a professor.” You muttered, voice soft but biting.
“Well, we can grab that drink for starters.” He tilted his head at you, ignoring your tone. “And then maybe-“
You raised your hand, cutting him off. “The best way you can make it up to me is by leaving me alone, Mr…” You glanced down at the paper in his hand. Nishimura Riki. “Nishimura.”
“Call me Ni-ki.” He said, setting the paper down. “All my friends do.”
“We’re not friends.” You deadpan.
He chuckled, leaning closer. “But we can be.”
You stared back at him. “You’re dismissed, Mr. Nishimura.”
“C’mon don’t be like that-“
“Dismissed, I said.” You cut him off, quietly, like sending a naughty child to their room.
His smirk faltered for just a second.
“Fine.” He murmured, standing up. He strolled out of your lecture hall, with only one thought in his mind. This is gonna be fun.
You grabbed your bookbag and coffee cup that was actually full of Red Bull with a huff locking the door of the hall as you walked back to your office. This is gonna be hell.
- - -
The next few weeks were pure annoyance wrapped up in one pretty package that was Nishimura Riki. Him doing the bare minimum to pass was one thing. But he was just so irritating! He would not let you have one peaceful lecture, cutting you off with stupidly personal questions or disrupting the class with a low whistle anytime you bent down to grab a dropped piece of chalk. But what angered you the most was the way he stared.
Riki made a point of never looking at his notes or at the screen as the lecture went on. His eyes stayed glued to you, not in focus but in spite. Anytime you would look up towards the class his eyes found yours, a small smirk tugging at his lips, or a quirk in his brow. Not to mention, every lecture he would come in always late, always tailed by loud friends.
Just like now.
“Nishimura you’re late.” You reprimanded him as he slung his bag down onto the floor next to the same desk every time.
“Sorry, prof.” He shrugged. “I was stuck in traffic.”
“It’s professor.” You replied coldly. “Get out your textbook, we’re on page 46.”
“Yes ma’am.” He plopped into his seat with his book, not even bothering to open it. And he just…stared. It was so unnerving it made your skin itch.
You shot him a tired look and continued with the lecture. “-as I was saying, while Mr. Darcy’s reluctance to love is based in self class preservation, Elizabeth’s reluctance is rooted in intellectual vanity-” You paused at the sound of a clicking pen. Not just once or twice. Repeated clicking. You turned around to see…of course.
Riki sat sprawled in his seat lazily, clicking his pen absentmindedly while watching your every move.You clenched the chalk in your hand, nearly snapping it. “Nishimura.”
“Yeah, prof?” He asked innocently.
“Do you mind?” You sneered.
“Sorry.” He chuckled, setting his pen down.
You shook your head, trying to focus. “-because to love Darcy is to admit she was a "fool". That brings us to the next point, the Hate-to-Love Paradox.” You continued, scribbling on the board. “Now who can tell me how the hate to love paradox correlates to Elizabeth? Mr. Kim.”
Sunoo, a bright young senior lowered his hand as he spoke. “She was the most obsessed with him when she claimed to hate him?”
“Correct.” You smiled at him. “That is exactly the paradox, hating someone to the point of obsession is a form of reluctant love.”
“That sounds kinda familiar.” Riki cut in, grinning. “Doesn’t it prof?”
You gave him a hard glare, before continuing on. I’ve had enough of your bullshit. You thought to yourself. You had to say something. “Nishimura, see me after the lecture please.”
His friends sitting around him gave him a look. “Of course.” He said, straightening in his seat. “Anything for you.” He winked. Cocky bastard.
- - -
“Class dismissed.”
As the students shuffled out, murmuring amongst themselves about the homework, you watched Riki chat up a group of girls, ready to leave with them. “Nishimura.”
He looked up from his conversation, whispering a quick, “I’ll see you later.” To the group before they bid him a giggling goodbye and left.
The lecture hall fell silent, the only sound in the room was you scribbling notes.
“You wanted to see me?” Riki broke the silence, leaning against your desk.
“Get off my desk.” You said not looking up. “And yes I did. Are you aware that you’re at a 72 percent in my class?”
“Yeah.” He said. “I’m just trying to finish.”
“Well, to pass my course you need a minimum of 70.” You continued. “So knowing that, you’re doing the bare minimum.”
“Basically. So what’s the issue?” He shrugged. “I’m still passing.”
“The issue is, you’re incredibly disruptive.” You said, looking up. Wow, he’s tall. You had never choice but to stare up at him while he towered over you. “You come in late every day with comments that nothing to the discussion and you’re distracting your peers.”
“Oh?” He tilted his head. “Am I distracting them or…you?”
You stared at him blankly, letting the comment dissolve between you. “…My point is, either get your grade up or stop disrupting my lecture. You’re already close to failing, and we’re only 4 weeks in.”
“Maybe I could do something for extra credit then?” He quirked his brow at you. “After hours?”
Ew. You grimaced. “I should fail and report you for that comment alone. Get out.”
He chuckled, walking out of the hall. “Offer still stands, pretty.”
- - -
“No Ria, he’s the worst.” You complained as she took your measurements. You owed her a favor like 5 years ago and she’s cashing in on it, forcing you to be her living mannequin any time she needed you. Apparently, the available models weren’t her aesthetic she needed “something with a bit more tit”. At least you got free clothes out of it.
“So why haven’t you reported him yet?” She asked, pulling the tape measure tight around your chest. “Arms up.”
“Because.” You huffed, lifting your arms. “All the shit he does, he does subtly enough that it’s not reportable. I can’t report him for staring at me, or ‘mhming’ too loud!”
“So you hate him because he stares?” She raised a brow at you, pulling your arm straight, lining up a measure.
You scoff. “He doesn’t just stare, he undermines my authority! He’s constantly giving me dumb nicknames, no matter how many times I’ve reminded him to stop, he never pays attention to the curriculum, I don’t even know why he comes to class! He hasn’t gotten anything better than a C minus on any assignment anyway.”
“So he’s doing the bare minimum but he has perfect attendance and won’t stop annoying you?” Ria said slowly, writing my measurements down. You nod. “Girl. He’s flirting with you.”
An odd pang settled through your stomach. Not quite pain, just a weird fluttery feeling. You grimaced. “Ew, no. No, he’s not Ria! What the hell?”
“I’m not saying you like him too,” Ria shrugged. “I’m just saying. You’re not the most emotionally intelligent person, let’s be honest. So you probably mistook his flirting for disrespect.”
“It is disrespectful!” You exclaimed exasperatedly. “I’m still his professor!”
“Yeah but you’re his age.”
“No, I’m older than him!”
“By two years.”
“So? Doesn’t give him the right to be nuisance!” You muttered.
“So if he’s as annoying as you say he is, just be annoying back.” Ria snapped her measuring tape shut.
“I can’t do that.” You shook your head.
She smirked. “Oh believe me yes you can. You’re annoying as fuck.”
You punched her in the shoulder with a laugh. “You’re an asshole.”
“Yet you love me.” She batted her eyes at you.
“Unfortunately.” You muttered, pulling your shirt back on. Ria was right. If he had the right to be insufferable, so do you.
- - -
The next lecture, was phase one of your evil plan. You were not planning on letting him get away with it, any annoying thing he was planning, you were gonna double it.
“Alright please turn your books to page 141.” You said, pacing the front. “Today, we’re looking at the two "titans" of 19th-century Russian literature: Fyodor Dostoevsky and Lev Tolstoy.”
The lecture was interrupted by Riki, late again as per usual. You didn’t even pause. “Hey prof.” He greeted you, taking his usual spot in the second row.
“-Dostoevsky isn’t interested in what you’re wearing; he’s interested in why you want to kill your father. Meanwhile, Tolstoy’s genius lies in his ability to make the physical world feel more real than the page it's written on.” You continued, scribbling a Venn diagram on the board.
“Now, we’ve talked about their fundamental differences, let’s talk about their similarities.” You paused to look at Riki. “Mr. Nishimura. What is the common factor in the writings of Tolstoy and Dostoevsky?”
He raised a brow at you, taken aback. You never called on him before. “..they’re both Russian?” Is he serious?
You rewarded him with a wry smile. “Bravo, Mr. Nishimura.” You clapped slowly. “Thank you for giving us absolutely nothing.” He glared at you in response. You gave him a sweet smile before looking out into the auditorium, where the students held back smiles. “They were both contemporaries who shared a deep reverence for the "Russian soul” and a rejection for pure western rationalism. You’d know that if you did the reading.” His glare turned into a small smirk, but he miraculously kept his mouth shut.
As the class quietly filled out questionnaires about the difference of patriotism and nationalism, you paced the stairs of the lecture hall, quietly helping students as you went. Riki seemed to be focused for once, writing ferociously. As you neared him, you realized he wasn’t writing in the questionnaire, but in his notebook. You didn’t even know he owned a notebook. Curiosity got the best of you.
You approached quietly, peaking over his shoulder, holding onto the hope that he listened to your warning and started actually trying. Your face dropped. In his notebook was one singular notebook was one singular sentence.
You’re cute when you’re mad.
He looked up as if he felt your presence, grinning at you as you passed. You rolled your eyes at his antics. Your stomach felt that odd pang, but you forced it down, replacing it with anger. I’ll show you cute, fucker. You reached over him, tearing the page clean out of his notebook, crumpling it into a ball in your fist. “Reminder.” You called out. “This questionnaire is your exit ticket. If you don’t finish by the end of class you can either stay until you do, or receive a zero.” Riki’s grin died, immediately turning to Sunoo, whispering a plea for help. “Copying will result in an automatic zero for both you and the person you copied from.” You added.
Sunoo, and everyone else around Riki immediately covered their papers, shielding them from Riki and the possibility of a fail. You smirked quirking a brow at him. He shot you a glare before hunkering down onto his paper, trying to piece whatever feeble argument he could on his page.
- - -
It became an odd rivalry between you two. Every lecture, he’d do anything he could to get your attention, you would respond by doing everything in your power to undermine him. But Riki was smarter than he looked, carefully keeping the perfect minimum grade, nothing below a 71. You needed him out. You needed to fail him. As unethical as it sounded, it became your mission to find a reason to give him a bad grade. It just had to be justifiable, just subtle enough to be real.
“You each have been assigned a character from classic literature.Your assignment is to write a thesis on the similarities between you and the character assigned.” You said one afternoon. You passed out the printed rubrics, each carefully chosen by you. You carefully placed a page on Riki’s desk.
He took it, skimming the title. “Dorian Grey.” He read out loud, with a teasing smirk. “Wasn’t he considered gorgeous? Is that why you assigned him to me, prof?”
You gave him a dead stare. “No, it’s because Dorian Grey was a narcissist who eventually got what was coming to him.”
His smirk didn’t even falter, placing a hand on his chest. “You wound me professor.” He then whispered low enough for only you to hear. “Keep doing it, I like it.”
Your jaw tightened, that weird fluttery pang settling in your stomach as you walked away feeling his gaze on your back. Please, I need him to fuck up on just one assignment. That’s all I need to get rid of him.
That week you were grading the due papers in a caffeine induced haze when your prayers were answered quicker than you expected. You scanned Riki’s paper on Dorian Grey with a satisfied smirk. Bingo.
- - -
“Class dismissed, thank you everyone.” You closed your laptop as your students filed out of the auditorium, scanning their returned papers with intense focus, not even talking to one another.
You sighed, stretching in a tired bliss as you made your way through the literature wing, your heels the only sound in the slowly emptying halls. You entered your office, keeping the door slightly ajar. You waited at your desk, almost giddy with excitement.
5..4..3..2..
The door of your office swung open. You didn’t flinch. Riki stood in your doorway, livid. His thesis was in his hand, corners slightly rumpled from where he clenched it in his hands.
“Mr. Nishimura.” You greeted him calmly, flipping through ungraded work. “What can I do for you?”
He stormed up to you, slamming his paper down on your desk. “What is this?” He seethed. On it was a fat red 0, one that you enjoyed writing a little too much. You looked up at him.
“Hm? Oh, that’s a zero.” You replied matter of factly.
“Why?” He demanded. “I gave you good work for once and you give me a zero?”
“I gave you the grade you deserve.” You replied coldly, folding your hands on your desk. “You’re right, though. It was fantastic work.”
“Then why would you fail it?” He raised his voice. “The work is good, you said it yourself just now! I could report you for this.”
“Oscar Wilde’s Take on the Human Condition.” You recalled, taking the paper in your hands. “That’s the article you plagiarized from, isn’t it?” He froze, threats dying in his throat. You narrowed your eyes at him. “Yeah. Copy and pasted the entire Dorian Grey analysis section and tried to hand it off as your own.”
“What are you talking about, I didn’t-“
“The work was good because it’s mine.” You cut him off, speaking slow as if you savored the taste of the words with a grin.
“You plagiarized my article, you fucking moron.”
His jaw clenched as he place both hands on your desk, getting too close for comfort. You refused to be phased. You continued, glancing down at your work. “If anything I should be the one reporting you. But I’ll let it slide this once, so take the F graciously and go. Now if you could please leave, I have a meeting with the dean.”
He stormed out of your office, slamming the door. You chuckled, still giddy with a smug satisfaction as you collected your things. Maybe, just maybe it will light a fire under his ass.
- - -
It did. Just not in the way you hoped. Lectures with him became unbearable after that. You thought the failing grade would humble him, but no. It only made him vindictive and extra irritating. For the next few weeks it seemed like he put in more effort humiliate, invalidate, and belittle you than he did in his own work.
“Penelope and Odysseus’ passion is resilient because it is intentional. They both choose a "difficult" love over a "convenient" one. Homer suggests that the passion that lasts is the one where both partners prefer their shared history over the polished perfection of someone new.” You lectured, your focus interrupted by whispers.
“Give me a break.” Riki whispered to the student next to him. “As if she knows anything about love, you can’t learn that shit from books.”
You shot him a glare, before continuing, scribbling on the board. “In Ancient Greek, Homer uses the word homophrosyne to describe the ideal marriage. It doesn't mean just "getting along"; it means "thinking with one heart."
“Bullshit.” Riki snickered, now to his friend Jungwon, who looked more annoyed at him than convinced. “She has no idea what she’s talking about.”
“Nishimura.” You turn around. “Is there something you want to say?”
“Yeah I just had a question.” He raised his hand, almost mockingly. “You graduated high school as a kid, which means you probably didn’t get out much, right?”
That took you back. “I don’t see what that has to do with-“
“Everything. You’re teaching us about the meaning of life as if you’re qualified. Tell us, Professor. Are you?” He leaned in, his tone challenging, the look in his eyes cruel. “Have you even experienced life outside of a library?”
That hit a nerve. Not just because it was rude, but because he was right in a sense. Most of the things people experience in their teen years, early relationships, high school, drama, you’ve only read about or seen on TV. And once you graduated, you couldn’t really replicate it. You did often think about what life would be like if you were a normal kid. But nonetheless..
“That’s highly inappropriate and has nothing to do with you or this lesson, Nishimura.” You mustered, half angry half embarrassed. “Anyways let’s get back to it.” You turned back to the desk. “So while Homer’s story is best known for the monsters and battles, the underlying theme is the prevailing love when two people are ready to make it work despite-“
“She’s talking out of her ass at this point.” Riki began whispering again. “Honestly, she’s probably a DEI hire, just so the university could say they have a prodigy-“
You tried to ignore it. You really did. But unfortunately, your fingers found the felt eraser. And all self control went out the window. You turned around, hurling the eraser at him. The eraser hit his chest with a sickening thud, leaving a white dusty mark on his black hoodie. The silence in the class was deafening, the tension between you and Riki almost crackling.
“Nishimura.” You said quietly through gritted teeth. “Your comments are neither constructive nor relevant to the lecture.”
He smirked. “You’re a novelty to the university. The dean’s pet. Admit it.”
“Get out of my class.”
- - -
“I can’t fucking stand him!” You scream into your pillow, hand slapping your bed with pent up aggression. “I’m gonna kill him!”
“Geez, calm down!” Ria said leaning back her palms on your bed. “I’ve never seen you so worked up over a student.”
“You don’t get it, he’s the worst!” You lift you head from your pillow. “He’s been like this for the past 2 weeks! He had the nerve to question whether or not I had enough life experience and said that I was DEI! Never in my 2 years of-“
“You’ve always had students question you.” Ria cut you off. “You’re letting him get to you, girl.”
“I’m not..” you started, not even convincing yourself. Ria raised a brow at you. “He’s just…he pisses me off okay?”
“That’s because you’re too focused on him.” She said, decisively standing up, phone in hand. “C’mon get up, we’re leaving.”
“Where?”
“To get a drink, you need something to get your mind off all that.” She said, opening your closet. “C’mon the guys are already waiting for us.” She grinned, ruffling through your clothing. “They’ve been asking about you.”
You smiled at the mention. Jay, Jake, Sunghoon and Ria’s boyfriend Heeseung, are your friends by proxy. You don’t get to see them much, but when you do it’s always a great time so this was a welcome distraction.
“Alright, let’s go.” You hop up, helping Ria flip your entire wardrobe. You peeled off the blue dress and black tights you wore to class at record speed, changing into the black square neck leotard and oversized jeans that Ria threw at you.
You stared at yourself in the mirror, loving what you saw. A completely raw, relaxed version of you that you didn’t have to edit to be taken seriously. “How do I look?”
“You look your age.” Ria said, standing behind you, pulling your claw clip out of your hair, letting your locks fall naturally. “Like you’re 22.”
“C’mon I dress my age at work too!” You scoffed.
“Yeah but that’s more like a 22 year old geek.” Ria smirked. “Right now, you’re hot.”
You looked up from tying your Docs. “You’re saying I look hot just right now?”
“Girl, shut up, let’s go.” She rolled her eyes, dragging you out of your house and into the Uber waiting for you in front.
- - -
Your favorite bar, Dollhouse, was a little more full than usual with the Friday crowd. You and Ria strolled in arm in arm, chattering about weekend plans, deciding whether or not you were overdue for a weekend trip.
“Over here!” A familiar voice called.
You looked up, face lighting up. “Jay!” You exclaimed, running to give your friend a hug. “It’s been so long!” You mumbled into his shoulder, feeling the expensive sounding laugh rumble through his chest.
“I know, too long!” He pulled away grinning, hugging Ria. “C’mon we got some spots saved for you.”
Jay led you through a maze of people where Heeseung was already waiting, along with Sunghoon, who was busy staring off into space. You settled into the seat next to Sunghoon with a big smile. He immediately slid you a drink. “First one’s on me.” You took it with a quick grateful side hug.
“Hey baby.” Heeseung greeted Ria warmly with a kiss on the temple. “I missed you.”
“You saw me yesterday.” She giggled, lightly shoving him with her shoulder.
“I know.” He grinned.
“Get a room!” Jay rolled his eyes. “You guys are disgusting.”
“Don’t be mad at us because you don’t get hoes.” Heeseung laughed, slinging an arm around Ria’s waist.
She leaned back. “Are you calling me a hoe?”
“What?” Heeseung’s smile dropped. “Babe, no I would never! You know that I wouldn’t! That’s not what I meant!” he rambled as we all burst into peals of laughter.
“Where’s Jake?” You asked, sipping at your drink.
“He’ll be here in a bit, said he’s running a bit late.” Jay replied, plopping himself into the seat next to you. “So, how’s the semester going?”
You rolled your eyes, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t want to talk about work right now.”
“Did something happen?” Jay furrowed his brow.
“One of her students has a crush on her.” Ria grinned.
“He does not!” You snap. “He has it out for me!”
“Has what out for you?” Heeseung raised his brows.
You mocked back at him. “You’re disgusting, Hee.” But there was no malice behind it. You and Heeseung squabbled like siblings every chance you got until Ria hits one of you. Usually Heeseung, but you get your share too. In the midst of your friends and with alcohol in your system you finally let yourself relax, talking, laughing, making fun of Sunghoon.
“Wait so tell me, what did the dean want to talk to you about?” Ria turned to you. “What did you do this time?”
“I made him proud.” You grinned. “There’s a huge literary conference at Cambridge in a few months, he wants me to go as a rep on the panel.”
“Hey congratulations!” Jay clapped you on the shoulder. “That’s good right?”
“It’s very good. And it’s a big deal for nerds.” You laugh, finishing off your drink and turning to the bartender. “Can I get another vodka cranberry please? Double.”
“Girl, you better go slow.” Ria warned. “Remember last time when I had to drag you out by the ankles? New Years Eve?”
You rolled you eyes. “That was once.”
“Hey guys!” Jake suddenly appeared out of thin air. “Sorry I’m late. Hey prof!”
You turned to him. “Don’t call me that anymore, I told you!” You laughed, giving him a hug. “It’s about damn time, I missed you. Do you wanna go grab us a pool table?”
“I’ll come with.” Sunghoon hopped up, grabbing Jake by the shoulder. “I’m tired of getting bullied.”
Ria snorted, taking a sip from her glass. It was straight vodka. “Please, you missed half of it.”
The door of the bar opened, letting in more people, already talking and laughing. Riki walked in with his classmate Jungwon, arguing about who owed who drinks over a bet. His gaze fell on you before you could notice him and was completely mesmerized.
Riki had never seen you like this before. Hair down and messy from you running your hands through it, jeans hanging loose enough to show your bare hips peaking under your leotard. You looked relaxed, laughing along with your friends, drink in hand face slightly blushed, eyes shining. For once, you looked your age, you looked real. You looked…really pretty.
“There’s no way.” Your playful argument was interrupted by an annoyingly deep velvety voice.“Didn’t think that stick up your ass was detachable, prof.” Riki smirked, leaning against the empty seat next to you.
Your smile fell immediately. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. I’m not gonna let this prick ruin my night. I’m not. Ria looked ready to shut him up with a sharp look but you stopped her with a hand on her arm.
You look up with a lazy glare. “Nishimura, you really just have a way of sucking out all of the air in the room, don’t you?”
“What are you doing here?” He asked in mock concern. “What if the dean finds out his novelty hire is out drinking?”
“Could ask you the same thing, you’re 20.” You said, finishing off your drink, signaling the bartender to get you another. “So unless you want me to report you, I suggest you walk away.”
Riki scoffed. “Wow, you’re actually letting me go, officer?”
“Just go away before I change my mind.” You said, turning back to Jay. “I’m clocked out.” Ria stared between you, as if the dots finally connected. She raised a brow at you, a slow knowing smile forming on her lips.
“You know,” Riki took the seat Sunghoon left next to you. “If you looked like this every lecture, I’d be your best student.” He whispered, leaning in.
“If it were up to me you wouldn’t even be in my class.” You let out a tipsy giggle. “You don’t do shit anyways.”
He grinned, amused by your lack of decorum. Seeing you like this was refreshing, hilarious and annoyingly attractive. “So no truce tonight?”
“Not even tonight.” You said, sipping your drink. “Not ever.”
He laughed, ordering a drink for himself, holding it out to you. “To the rest of the semester?”
“I hope you fail.” You reply, toasting his drink with your own with a smile. “Genuinely.”
In the distance, Jake and Sunghoon were arguing over who plays pool better as they approached your section. “Oh shit, Ni-Ki you’re here!” Jake exclaimed, returning to the bar.
“Oh hey.” He smiled at your friend.
“You’re in my seat.” Sunghoon pointed out. Riki stood, deciding to lean over you interest
“You guys know each other?” Ria pointed between them.
“Yeah we played soccer together for a couple years now.” Jake nodded. “We’re pretty close.”
Well isn’t this just perfect? You grumbled to yourself. We got mutual friends. What’s next? You glared at him. “I hate you.” You mouthed.
He smirked, leaning in close just out of earshot tor the group. “Feeling’s mutual, princess.”
A shiver of pure unfiltered disgust ran down your spine at the pet name. “Ew.” You jerked back, nearly spilling your drink. “Don’t ever call me that, you’re my student.”
He tilted his head. “Not right now I’m not. We’re not in your classroom and this isn’t your lecture.”
“I’m still older than you.”
“Two years is nothing.”
“I’m leaving this conversation.” You huffed, just in time for Ria to swoop in.
“Let’s dance, hm?” She said, in a tone that was more of an order than a request. She led you to the dance floor, swaying to the beat of whatever pop song was playing. “Everything makes sense now!” She said over the music.
“What do you mean?” You yelled back.
“You’re letting him get into your head and piss you off because he’s hot.” She grinned. “You like him.”
You gasped indignantly. “Don’t even joke like that! I’d rather die!”
“You’d rather die than admit it?” She laughed.
“No, that’s not what I meant!” You yelled over the music, feeling your face burn red.
The entire night, you avoided Riki the best you could, but the longer the night, the more persistently irritating he got. But it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t tear his eyes off you. It wasn’t his fault that you were so irritatingly hot when you weren’t being a hard ass and were just..a 22 year old woman. I could get used to you like this. He thought with a small smile.
On the dance floor, he his eyes followed you unknowingly, drawn in by your excited laughter, like a moth drawn to a flame. You were dancing with Jay, laughing at whatever dumb joke he made. His arms hung loosely around your waist, hands resting just above the small triangles of skin that sat between your Leo and your pants, ever the gentleman. That, in Riki’s tipsy mind, drew a question. He wondered, how would your skin feel under his hands? Probably warm, pliant, really soft. Hazy ideas of a stupid giggly version of you, this version of you under him plagued Riki’s mind. Shit. The thought alone, was enough for heat to spread through him.
You suddenly turned your head, catching sight of Riki. Your expression immediately soured, as you whispered something to Jay and joined Ria instead. Riki laughed, finding your deliberate avoidance adorable. He followed, deciding this random game of cat and mouse way more fun than whatever was happening on the dance floor. You were laughing with Ria and Jake when you suddenly flinched at contact of cool skin on your bare hip.
“Avoiding me now?” Riki chuckled in your ear, pinching your hip hard enough to draw out a yelp. “How’s that working out?”
You spun around, fixing him with an irritated glare. “Dude leave me alone!” You barked, shoving him out of the way as Ria led you to the pool table.
“Can’t help it!” He laughed, following again, poking your side playfully as you swatted his hand away. “Annoying you is my favorite thing now.”
You answered with another shove. “Stop!” You tried to sound intimidating but it came as a drunken whine, like a college girl who didn’t get her way.
“Stop me then.” He chuckled, crowding you.
You glared at him, cheeks flushed with anger, alcohol and something sweeter, something flustered. You hit him with your shoulder and walked away with Ria, getting ready to watch her rob the entire bar blind with her bets. Ria knew how to work a pool table better than anyone you knew, so anyone would have to be crazy or stupid to bet against her. And apparently Riki was one of those.
“You’re really gonna go up against her?” Jake asked incredulously. “You have a death wish?”
Riki scoffed, grabbing the cue. “I’m not scared of the damn professor.”
“It’s not her you should be scared of.” Jake motioned with his head. “She’s partnered with Ria.”
“And?” Riki raised a brow. “Is that supposed to mean something?”
“You know what? I’ll let you find out on your own.” Jake patted Riki’s shoulder and stepped back before Ria dragged him into another empty bank account. Riki approached the table, forcing Sunghoon to pair with him.
“You playing?” He asked, grabbing a cue off the wall. “Want a challenge?”
You turned away, a hair away from screaming. “Oh for fuck’s sake, go away-“
Ria stopped you with a slight shake of her head and a look that said I got this. She gave him with a lazy once over. “You betting? 100 dollar minimum.”
“Sure.” He shrugged, dropping a hundred dollar bill on the pool table.
Ria picked it up with a raised brow. “Alright. Let’s play.”
2 hours later, you were drunker and prouder than you expected. See, when it came to pool, you were decent. And so was Sunghoon. Usually it would be a fair game, but add Riki and Ria to the mix and the game gets deadly.
“One more round?” Ria smirked, snatching up the winnings.
“What the fuck..” Riki mumbled. It wasn’t even the money loss that hurt him. Just the ego bruise. “Nah I’m good.”
Jake clapped him on the shoulder. “I told you, man.”
Riki sighed raising his hands in defeat, looking at you once again. You laughed at him as you held his gaze and his cash in your hand. “You’re enjoying seeing me fail, huh?” He smirked.
“More than you know.” You batted your eyes. “Which is why I’m gonna love flunking you.” You sped off with Ria to buy the next round at Riki’s expense.
Riki had other things to worry about than losing a few hundred bucks. That was pocket change to him. What concerned him was how you looked up at him through your eyes when you jeered. That triumphant look in your eyes the lazy devious smirk as you giggled, waving your winnings in his face on tiptoes. He stepped out. I’m drunk. I just need air. He rubbed his eyes. But he couldn’t get that image out of head. The way you giggled, eyes glassy, face flushed pink, just the perfect amount of messy that, in his drunk mind, made you completely irresistible.
To his absolute drunken joy you walked out with your group of friends, still laughing, still clutching his cash in your hand.
“Bye!” He called out grinning. “See you Monday!”
You looked up at him. “I hope not. Get sick or something.”
Before he could say anything, someone yelled your name across the parking lot.
“C’mon let’s go!” Ria yelled, carrying a very drunk Heeseung with her. Poor guy was just, kinda…slung over her shoulders, mumbling about his head hurting, his lost wallet and his undying love for Ria.
Jake, faring no better, was trying to help but was only getting in the way. Sunghoon and Jay were watching the struggle in amusement. You pushed past him, turning around giving him a smile and the finger as a parting gift before following Ria to the Uber.
“Ni-Ki!” Jungwon stepped out of the bar. “Where did you disappear to?”
“Oh I was just..” he trailed off, eyes still locked on the fleeting car. “I just had to talk to someone for a second.”
“Well, we’re short one for pool, c’mon.”
Jungwon dragged Riki back into the bar, but Riki’s mind was elsewhere face stuck in an absentminded little smile. The night went on, he drank, he danced, played pool, made out with some random girl from psych, yet he couldn’t focus on anything. You were all he could think about.
Even when he went home, he went home alone. He laid in his bed staring at his ceiling still fuzzy from the drinks. He kept thinking about how sexy you were, all sloppy smiles, tits bouncing with every giggle, hips swaying to the beat of whatever was playing. Acting like you didn’t know how addicting you looked. It didn’t make sense.
He hated you. He hated how confused you made him feel. He hated how much of a prim hardass you were in class, and he hated how cutely you let go in the bar. He didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted to ruin your entire semester. But he also wanted to put you through a mattress.
“For fuck’s sake.” He sighed, rubbing his face. His hand trailed down, settling on the uncomfortable bulge in his sweats. A soft chuckle left his lips at the irony. All you did was laugh with some friends and he’s rock hard. He slipped his hand under the waist line, wrapping his fingers around the base of his painfully hard cock. Something about seeing that drunk, raw version of you, made him unable to see you any differently. And it left him completely and utterly obsessed. He wanted to see more of you. More of you.
- - -
You woke up the next morning with a raging hangover and Ria in your bed. You opened your eyes to see her fully awake, head propped up on her hand with a grin.
“You didn’t even sleep over.” You croaked out.
“I didn’t.” She agreed. “But I need answers.”
“About what.”
“What’s going on between you and Ni-Ki?”
“Who?”
“Nishimura.”
“Ugh.” You groaned in disgust turning away. “Fuck that guy.”
“You can lie to yourself all you want.” Ria shrugged. “Maybe he just needs a second chance.”
“You’re the one that told me to get back at him!” You glared at her, wincing at your headache. “Why are you changing your mind now?”
“Because.” She smirked. “You didn’t tell me he was hot.”
“What does him being hot have to do with anything?”
“So you agree he’s hot?” Ria sat up as if she just caught you.
“What?” You groan. “No! Well-I don’t know- I mean…I hate him but I’m not blind! He’s…conventionally attractive.”
Ria leaned back down, satisfied. “Knew it. I knew it!”
“Don’t you have a hungover boyfriend to nurse back to health?” You grumbled, weakly trying to push her off your bed.
“I also have a stupid best friend to nurse back to health. He’s grown, he can handle himself.” She stood from your bed and went to your kitchen.
You laid there, deep in thought. No, he’s just attractive. That’s it. He’s still awful. His looks don’t outweigh his personality. That was you trying to convince yourself.
Ria came back with a tray of tea, soup, and- “you’re not making me drink that.” You sat up, covering your mouth in defense.
“Pickle juice is the number one hangover cure, c’mon.” She pushed the glass into my hand.
“I’m not drinking that.” You pushed it back at her.
She shrugged, “Alright. I’m sure one of your first editions in your collection will enjoy it.” She took the glass and making her way to your bookshelf.
“Don’t you dare!” You shrieked, jumping out of bed and bounding after her, snatching the glass out of her hand. You glared at her, chugging down the juice in one go. “You’re a monster.” You coughed.
She smirked in response, brushing her long auburn locks out of the way. “And yet you love me.”
“Whatever.” You roll your eyes. “I have to work on my conference paper, so I’m gonna go.”
“To the university?” Ria asked. You nodded. “C’mon.” She hopped up, grabbing her keys. “I’ll take you.”
“You don’t have to-“
“I’m not letting you go otherwise.” She cut me off.
You folded your arms. “You just wanna show off your bike.”
She grinned. “Exactly, now let’s go.”
You sighed, clutching your still aching head. “At least let me get dressed first.”
Ria dropped you off right at the front door of the university literature hall. You hopped off her bike, handing her the helmet as you stared in awe at the looming ancient library before you. You could never get enough of it.
“You know..” you murmured to Ria. “Cutting through the grass like that is so illegal.”
“Girl just shut up and go to your precious archives.” She rolled her eyes, giving you a friendly shove before roaring off.
You entered the library, keycard in hand as you passed coded doors and signed into restricted departments. With almost worshipful care, you began pulling rare priceless books off of the archives’ shelves.
Oblomov, Epinician Odes, My Childhood.
Arming yourself with a few Greek and Russian dictionaries, you made your way to your office. Mind reeling with ideas and questions, you carefully opened the books and poured your heart and soul into your conference paper, the 3 Red Bulls hidden in your bag as your only support system.
The days came and went, as you researched, studying, writing, rewriting until your hands shook with exhaustion and your head swam. You spent your whole weekend pent up in the literature wing, only stopping to get a few hours of feeble sleep on your office couch that you kept for times like this.
“That’s enough for now.” You muttered to yourself, catching yourself nodding off again.
You checked your phone. It was 9 pm on a Sunday, you still have a lecture tomorrow. Clumsily gathering your things, you trudged towards the exit, pepper spray in hand. Just in case. The 20 minute walk home that you usually enjoy felt like a 2 hour trek through the mountains. Your spent mind couldn’t concentrate on anything but walking, counting your steps. When you finally got home, your eyes shut before your head hit the pillow. As much as I love my job, you thought to yourself as you drifted to sleep. This conference will kill me at this rate.
- - -
The next day, lecturing felt impossible, but you knew you had no choice but to power through. Armed with a Redbull, you strode into the lecture hall teeming with fake confidence. Head pounding, you sat down, nodding politely at a few students walking in. You stared down at your laptop, trying to come up with a way to lecture as little as possible. You stood up, scribbling questions on your blackboard.
A shadow covered the board. “You look awful.” Riki smirked. “Still hungover?”
“Sit down, Nishimura.” You closed your eyes, not bothering to turn to him. “Not today.”
“You know.” He whispered, leaning in close, letting his breath ghost over your ear. “If I knew you could be as sexy as the way you were on Friday, I would have been way nicer to you.”
Your stupid stomach immediately fluttered with heat. The embarrassment and anger from his words tore through you. Finally, you turned your head to glare at him, faltering when you realized how close he was. “Sit down.” You repeated.
He quirked his eyebrow at you. It wasn’t friendly, it wasn’t flirty, it was malicious.
The bell tower rang and you turned to the class.
“Good afternoon everyone. Please pull out a sheet of paper and a pen, we are having a pop quiz on last week’s reading.” You said, trying to sound awake and aware.
The students complied, some with rolled eyes, some with nervous swallows. Riki just continued staring with that unnerving smirk. You tore away from his gaze with an uncomfortable shiver. He chuckled, leaning to whisper something to Sunoo. You shot him a warning glare, and he finally complied, pulling a paper from his bag.
You turned your attention back to the class. “There are 5 questions. Each question has 2 short answer parts, and the final question is a long answer. You need at least 2 paragraphs. You may begin.”
You sat back down at your desk, fingers itching to continue typing your research paper. In the silence of the classroom, your headache finally began to dull. For just a moment. Someone’s whispering.
Your eyes shot up, scanning the auditorium for the culprit, and why are you even surprised. Riki is whispering to Sunoo again, his eyes flicking over to you every so often with that little smirk. Of course.
“Everyone, let’s remember that testing is in session, so let’s be quiet to not disturb our classmates.” You called out loud enough for everyone to hear. But your eyes were glued to Riki. He slowly turned his head to you, and leaned back in his chair, writing on his paper lazily. A white hot anger seared through you, but you forced it down, clenching your jaw.
You looked down at your computer, opening file after file of saved work and research, old papers and articles of yours, seeing if you can reuse any information. Then it hit you. Literally.
A crumpled paper ball hit your shoulder, falling onto your desk. Your eyes shot up to the already obvious culprit. Riki made a show of looking everywhere but at you, whistling along. This bastard thinks he’s funny. You sighed, clenching your jaw to keep yourself from snapping.
“Nishimura let’s remember that we are adults and we don’t throw things like kids.” You said through gritted teeth.
He shrugged. “It wasn’t me.”
Just let it go. You closed you eyes, not wanting more confrontation. Just let it go.
The whispering started again, and the giggling. Now Riki was chatting up the girl in front of him as Sunoo frantically shushed him. I’m not letting it go.
“Nishimura.” You snapped standing up. “Get out.”
His eyes shot to you, playfulness in them gone, confusion and indignation only remaining. “Professor I’m not done yet.”
“Yes you are, go.” You replied, stepping away and pointing to the door.
He protested. “But I’m not finished-“
“I don’t care!” You snapped, a little louder than you wanted. “You’re distracting other students. I don’t need that in my class. Get out.”
“But-“
“Get out!” You all but shouted, pointing to the door.
He clenched his jaw, now looking as indignant as you felt, as if you’re the one who wronged him. “Fine.” He muttered grabbing his bag. “If that makes you feel all big and powerful.”
He walked out of the classroom head held high, going out of his way to shoulder check you. You stumbled, steadying yourself as you watched him exit your auditorium, slamming the door harshly. You forced a small smirk. You won. But it didn’t really feel as satisfying as you thought. The white hot searing anger didn’t subside. You shook off the feeling, turning back to your desk, taking a shakey seat, you heart hammering from the burst of emotion. Was I too harsh? You thought to yourself before setting your jaw. No. Not harsh enough.
- - -
The next lecture was one you looked forward to. Because you really didn’t have to do much, but you had a trick up your sleeve. A gift for Riki.
“Alright everyone, as we reach the midpoint of our semester, I’m happy to announce your final project.” You smiled, handing out rubrics to the class, ignoring the glaring eyes that followed your every move from the center seat of the second row.
“You will be tasked with a 9 page research paper on a writer of your choice. Poet, Rapper, comedian, I don’t care. But you are to read between the lines and find a common message with a classical writer that we have discussed in class. You are to analyze both and prove that their message is as valid today as it was in the times of both writers.” You returned to the front of the room, pacing slowly. “It is worth 30 percent of your grade, guys. So this is a big deal. Because of how lengthy this assignment is, you will be working in pairs. However, we are at an odd number, so..” You stopped directly in front of the bane of your existence. “Nishimura has volunteered to work alone.”
“What?”His eyes snapped wide open. “When did I do that?” He sputtered.
“Just now, thank you for stepping up.” You grinned before turning your attention back to the class. “Now, you may pair up and use the rest of class time to begin your analysis.”
You sat at your desk, focusing on finalizing your lesson plan for the next lecture as the class buzzed quietly with discussions. You felt a presence above you, as an unmarked rubric fluttered down on to your desk. You looked up.
“Mr. Nishimura. Can I help you?” You smiled politely.
“Yeah.” He scowled. His voice came out as a deep, hateful growl, quiet enough to not disturb the class, quiet enough to be menacing. “You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you? You’re setting me up to fail?”
“I’m simply protecting other students.” You looked back down at your computer.
“How?” He scoffed.
“Well, if I learned anything about you this semester, you’d most likely partner up with Mr. Yang or Mr. Kim and let them carry you through this project without actually doing any work am I correct?” You raised your brow.
“No, you’re not correct. You’re thinking the worst of me.” He placed his hands on your desk, leaning just enough to tower over you, a silent attempt at intimidation. And it almost worked. Almost. You stared back in a tense silent showdown.
You leaned in. “Then prove me wrong.” You whispered before snapping back. “Go back to your seat.”
He gave you a look somewhere between exasperation and despair, and snatched the paper back on his way back to his desk. You smirked. I finally broke you, you bastard.
3 days later - - -
Silence. Silence was a luxury you could rarely afford nowadays. There wasn’t a better feeling than an empty office hour. You breathed a tired sigh of contentment, cracking open a fresh Redbull as you carefully opened a first generation copy of My Childhood. You poured into every detail before soft knock interrupted your concentration. Damn.
“Come in.” You called out, not tearing your eyes from the book.
Your door creaked open to reveal Riki. He looked different somehow. Smaller. Even though he still towered over you, he looked exhausted, almost helpless, clutching a notebook in his hands. It was pathetic. It was glorious. You raised your brow.
“Nishimura. What can I do for you?” you asked coldly.
He took a hesitant step forward, as if one wrong move could send him sprinting out of your office. “Listen.” He said quietly. “I’m not here to fight. I just…I don’t know I’m doing the best I can with the research but it’s just not-.” His eyes shamefully darted around my desk. “Long story short, I need help.” His pathetic state had you feel the tiniest twinge of pity. Maybe it was because he was cute when he’s stressed. But will you ever admit it to yourself? Of course not.
“Have you tried the study center?” You asked folding your arms. “What does this have to do with me?”
“Professor..” he muttered again. “I tried the Study Center, they didn’t give me anything useful. I really need to do well this time and I’m willing to put in the work. You’re the only one who knows enough to help me.”
The admission made your stomach flip with a satisfied excitement. Finally he’s taking it seriously. But oddly enough, the subtle praise also made your chest warm. “So?” You asked, masking your joy.
“So..” He shuffled uncomfortably in front of your desk. “Could you please help me with my paper? I swear I’ll stop messing around in class.”
You heaved a sigh of fake reluctance reaching out your hand. “Let me see.”
He hurriedly opened his notebook, flipping through pages of drawings and notes before handing you the book.
You flipped through the pages filled margin to margin with messy writing, theories and analysis. “You’re writing your paper on Michael Jackson?”
“Yeah.” He replied. “You said we could choose anyone.”
“I did.” You said, eyes still scanning.
“Go ahead.” He muttered sheepishly. “You can tell me it’s horrible.”
“It’s actually not bad.” You looked up. “But it’s half baked.”
“Wait really?” His eyes flickered with a bit of hope. “It’s not?”
“No.” You looked back down at his notes. “This is a great start but it’s gonna need a lot more work.”
“I know.” He stared into the hardwood floor. “So what do I do?”
You paused, still reading through the scribbled lyrics and their analysis. “You found a theme and wrote a pretty good analysis, but there isn’t enough substance behind it. You need something more convincing.” You look up again. “You still haven’t found a classical author to compare him to?”
“No.” He answered quietly. “Couldn’t think of any.”
You looked at the bookshelf behind him deep in thought. “Turn around.” Confused, he complied. “Grab the red book, left on third shelf, and the black book, top shelf 4 books down.”
He brought the books and set them gingerly on the desk next to you. You motioned to the chair in front of him. “Have a seat and get comfortable. We’re gonna be here a while.”
Together you dissected the works of Victor Hugo and William Blake, finding common ideas of social justice and stolen innocence with the king of pop.
You peeked up at your own research, watching Riki’s face slightly scrunch with concentration as he silently mouthed the words he was reading. You stifled a smile. He finally looked like a student that cared. He was pretty cute when he’s focused.
Catching yourself on the thought you forced your face to stay neutral and focused on Orlov, feeling around your desk for your your can of Red Bull. You heard it slide and felt it press into your hand. You looked up confused. Riki pushed the can into your searching hand, not breaking his eyes from the book even for a second. You blinked, a slight warmth spreading down your neck. It was such a simple gesture, just a simple act of kindness. So why did it fluster you? With a stuttering grip, you cracked it open and took a sip, setting it back down, hearing it slide away from you. You looked up again, bewildered and ready to be annoyed.
“That book looks expensive.” Riki murmured, pushing the bottle further away, “figured you wouldn’t want to risk a spill.”
“That’s…” You cleared your throat, still frazzled. “Considerate.” You did not like your reaction to that.
You worked together in a quiet tandem, silence broken up every so often with quiet discussion and direction. Your private office hours lasted well into the night.
“You should try to find-“ you looked up to see Riki leaned over your desk, face buried into his arms fast asleep. Annoyed, you were about to wake him up when you noticed the time. Damn. 3AM.
You looked down at the sleeping young man and decided to let him be, focusing on your studies when you heard a quiet rumbling sound. Your eyes shot up, looking for the source of the noise. It was Riki. He purrs in his sleep. You stifled a scoff that sounded more like a giggle, but that’s something you’d never admit.
- - -
Riki woke up with a start, scanning the unfamiliar surroundings, neck twanging with pain from his uncomfortable position.
“You’re finally awake.” His eyes shifted to the sound of your voice. He turned his neck to look at you.
You sat with another book in the same position he remembered you in, looking as composed as ever. The only indication of your impromptu all-nighter were the dark circles under your eyes and your hair, slightly mussed from running your fingers through it. “You were snoring.” You lied, not looking up.
“‘M sorry Professor.” He mumbled, leaning up onto his elbows. Your eye twitched at the low rumble of morning voice. “What time is it?”
“It’s 6 am.” You replied, turning a page.
He finally sat up, scanning your office again. At the corner of your desk, closest to him sat a muffin and a cup of coffee, steam curling off invitingly. He looked up with a small confused smile.
“Is that for me?” He asked quietly, almost shy from the consideration. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”
“Shut up and eat.” You muttered, ears dusting pink. “And then get out.”
You didn’t have to tell him twice. He took a bite of the muffin, eyes shut in bliss. The flavor was odd, citrusy with chocolate chips but it worked so well. “This is really good.” He said quietly, taking a sip of coffee. He peaked at your book in curiosity, trying to read along. Hieroglyphics. How could he even decipher all that? “Is that Cyrillic?” He asked.
“Yes.” Your reply was void of emotion, curt and quiet.
His eyebrows raised. “You speak Russian?”
You nodded. “Learned young.”
He looked at you, studying your posture. You kept your face composed, back perfectly straight, the perfect picture of academic success. You blinked slow, eyes red.
“Did…did you get any sleep at all?” He asked quietly, a slight hint of concern in his voice.
You shook your head. “I had things to do.”
He scanned your face again, and that’s when he saw it. Your blinks were slow and frequent, breathing was barely audible and your hands shook with each note you took. You were completely exhausted, and bad at hiding it. Riki felt an odd mix of guilt and protectiveness. “Professor, you alright?”
“Y…Yeah.” You breathed out, slowly losing function. “You should probably go.” You dropped your pen. With annoyed huff, you reached under your desks to grab it. You flinched, hitting your head on the edge as you got up. Oddly enough, it didn’t feel like the heavy wooden edge that has given you a head splitting headache many times. You looked up, confused as to why you weren’t in pain. You stared in shock. Riki was holding the desk, protecting you from its edge with his hand, watching you intently as if worried you’ll fall apart. Your cheeks flared red. You scrambled back, regaining your cold composure.
“You’ll be late for class.” You mumbled, gathering your things. “You should go.”
“You sure you’re okay?” Riki pressed.
“Yes, please leave before faculty starts asking me unnecessary questions.” You said, turning away to pretend to reorganize your desk space.
Riki stood, gathering his things hesitantly. “Do you need anything?”
“I’m gonna be honest.” You said, not turning around. “I appreciate your concern, but you being nice is kinda freaking me out.”
You heard him chuckle, that familiar teasing chuckle, one that was so annoying before, was now oddly calming compared to his weird concern. “Alright.” You heard the door open.
“Nishimura.” You called turning around. He stopped in his tracks. “Tuesdays and Thursdays, my office 5 pm. You’re going to finish that paper one way or another.”
He smiled a knowing smile. “Sounds like a plan.”
You offered him a tight lipped smile as the door shut. As soon as it did you flopped onto your chair heavily, pressing your hands to your burning face. Genuinely what is wrong with me? Your reaction to Riki’s actions genuinely troubled you. It was a simple act of kindness, nothing else. I must be overtired.
- - -
And so for the next few weeks a tense awkward truce formed between you two. Well, at least on your part. Riki seemed like nothing was wrong between you too, only making things worse. During lectures he still teased, albeit much tamer. And your tutoring sessions always started with snacks and his easygoing smiles that unnerved you to your core. But at least the paper was coming along nicely.
A familiar knock sounded against your door. “Come in.” You called.
The door creaked open. “Wow, Prof you really need to get these hinges greased.” Riki huffed, coming in with a box and a drink carrier, bag hanging haphazardly from his shoulder.
“You’re late.” You deadpanned.
“By three minutes.” He deadpanned back.
“Time is money.” You continued.
“Yet you’re tutoring me out of the goodness of your heart.” He grinned.
You sighed. “Nishimura, we tolerate each other now, but we aren’t friends. I’m still your professor.”
“I know.” He shrugged, placing the box and drink carrier on the desk before taking a seat. He pulled out his computer and promptly got to work. “You never let me forget it.”
You peered at the box. “What’s all this?”
“Donuts.” He replied matter of factly, pulling 2 cups out of the carrier and setting them down. “And coffee.”
You pursed your lips. “You know I don’t tolerate-“
“-don’t tolerate bribery.” He finished for you. “Yeah I know. It’s not bribery.”
“Then what is it?”
“Coffee.” He replied, sliding a steaming cup toward you. “I just wanted some coffee and donuts, there is no bribery here. This is for me.”
You eyed the cup suspiciously. “Then why did you get two?”
“Well I’m not an asshole.” He said, opening up the book you lent him. “I’m not gonna come in here with food and not have enough to share.”
“I see.” You nodded, taking a tentative sip. The coffee tasted warm, familiar, from the campus cafe. Reminded you of your student days. “Since when have you been nice?”
He smirked. “Always have been.”
You held back a smile, covering it up with an eye roll. “Just get to work.”
You again worked together in a comfortable silence, reaching for a donut every once in a while. He turned his laptop to you, and you scanned the paragraph.
“Rewrite it.” You said finally, looking back at your computer.
“What?” His brow furrowed. “Why?”
“It sounds awkward.” You replied.
He looked annoyed and open his mouth to say something but you cut him off. “I’m not punishing you. Rewriting is the best skill you can have for papers, helps you retain information and write clearer. Also added bonus, you’ll write twice as fast.”
He heaved a small sigh but complied. You peeked up at him, studying his focused face. He typed away at his laptop, eyes locked in, plump lips pursed ever so slightly. Huh. It caused you to wonder. If he had been like this since the beginning of the semester, would lectures be harder or easier for you?
He looked up, suddenly. You immediately pretended to be immersed in your notes.
He leaned on his elbow. “Professor.” He asked quietly, as if scared to ruin the silence. “What are you working on?”
“A discussion paper for the Oxford literature conference.” You said flatly.
“About?” He pressed.
“The Burdens of Puer Senex.” You replied. “How the idea of forced adultification through means of expectation affected children through the eyes of many classic and modern writers.”
He let out a low whistle. “Wow. Hits close to home?”
You looked up at him to shoot him a glare, of seeing a shit eating smirk like you expected, he gazed at you with curiosity and something that looked like sympathy. Your stomach flipped.
“Y-yeah.” You coughed. His behavior recently has been really creeping you out. “Something like that.”
He nodded, focusing back, only looking up at you to offer you the last donut. You declined with a shake of your head. He left it for you anyway, saying you need sustenance more than he did. You allowed yourself a sarcastic chuckle before pointing out holes in his argument. The air in the office became comfortable, feeling more like two classmates rather than a teacher and her student, as Niki filled the space with genuine questions spaced out in between dumb sarcastic jokes and showing you dance videos from his studio on his phone. You had to admit, the guy can move. Once 7 pm hit, he began packing his things.
“Alright prof, I’m gonna head out.” He said, approaching your door.
“Come on time Thursday.” You said, not looking up.
“Please make sure to get home on time.” He said, voice lace with worry. “You scared me last time.”
“Don’t concern yourself with my well being.” You said, not allowing yourself to look up. Your face burned. “Focus on your work.”
He stood in your doorway as if waiting for you to say something before giving up and leaving. As soon as the door shut, you buried your face in your hands, closing your eyes to relief the burn from the computer screen. Why was he acting like a saint all of a sudden? And why was your stomach flipping and why were you sweating and why are you tingling? I’m just a little too tired. You convinced yourself. I just need a nap.
- - -
Riki left your office deep in thought. He couldn’t get the image of you nearly passing out from exhaustion a few weeks ago out of his head. And your refusal to acknowledge it only confused him further. He suddenly got a text from Jake.
Doll house tonight?
Riki typed an agreement, heading to his car. Yet as he drove to the bar he still thought of you, more with curiosity than anything else. Why were you the way that you were? You seemed like an academic frump, yes, you acted like it for sure, and yet you dressed well, you looked pretty, you smelled good, and in the rare moments when you let the facade slip he really liked what he saw. So why did you feel the need to be so pretentious?
Jake was already saving Riki a spot at the bar as he walk in, a vodka soda already waiting for him.
“What’s up?” Riki asked, sliding into the seat next to Jake.
He shrugged. “Nothing, just haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Yeah, well the Comp Lit professor has me busting my ass on this assignment, I’ve been kinda busy.” Riki chuckled taking a sip. “How did you become friends with her in the first place?”
Jake smiled fondly. “I met her through Ria, Heeseung’s girl, they’re best friends. She’s really cool when you get to know her, always happy to help. Damn good cook too.”
“Then why’d you say she was a hard ass?” Riki asked, remembering the day he asked Jake about the prodigy professor.
Jake furrowed his brows. “I never said that.”
Riki stared at him over his drink. “Yes you did.” He deadpanned. “I asked you about the class and you told me ‘the professor’s a fucking hard ass.’”
Jake shook his head. “You must have been hearing things.” He replied. “I never said she was a fucking hard ass, I said she was hot as fuck.”
Riki let out a quiet “oh” as realization set in. “Fuck..” he buried his face in his hands. “This is your fault. You and your damn accent.”
“What do you mean, I-oh.” Jake slowly smirked. “Let me guess, you treated her like a hard ass and now she’s a hard ass to you?”
Riki nodded. “Exactly that.”
“You’re fucked.” Jake laughed. “She’s cool but she can hold a damn grudge.”
“Shit.” Riki groaned. “I’m fucked.”
“Dude just be nice to her.” Jake said, taking a sip. “She’s quick to forgive.”
“I guess.” Riki sighed. “But she’s been tutoring me for the past two weeks, and she’s a tough one to crack.”
Jake cocked a brow. “She’s tutoring you?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, she definitely doesn’t hate you.” Jake grinned. “She never tutors, she doesn’t have time for it.”
Riki raised his head. “Really?”
Jake nodded. “Unless she really wants you out of her class.”
Riki chuckled, punching his friend in the arm. The evening came to an end, and Riki bid Jake a goodbye before heading to his car. The ground was slick with fresh November rain, the smell of petrichor cutting through the boozy air of the bar. Riki had been careful to not drink enough to still be able to drive home. As he drove, rain droplets hit his windshield, slow and heavy. The rain was calming, yet his mind was busy reeling with thoughts of you. The way you looked today in your little green dress that could have been modest by anybody else’s standards, but by his made your legs look a little too good in those sheer black tights. He thought of the way your office smelled, coffee, old books and your perfume. Were you really tutoring him to get rid of him quicker? Or out of the goodness of your heart? Or…something else?
As he quietly made it down the emptying streets, his car began jerking oddly. Eyes widening, he quickly, pulled over onto a residential street right before his car died on him. Shit. With an annoyed sigh, he stepped out of his car, pacing in front of it. He looked under the hood, trying to find the issue. One of the battery cells was absolutely fried. He dialed Jake. No response. He tried Jungwon, Sunoo. Nothing.
“Dammit.” He muttered, rubbing his nose bridge. With a resigned sigh he dialed a towing company. They could only get to him in 2 hours.
“What do you expect me to do at that time?” He barked.
“Sorry sir, that’s the best we can do right now.”
He huffed before muttering an alright and hanging up. As if a cruel joke, the rain pounded down heavier. Because of course it would. He sighed, turning to open his car door.
“What the hell, Nishimura?”
His head whipped around, eyes wide. You stood behind him, clutching an umbrella in one hand, a stack of mail in the other. You dressed casually in a soft looking boatneck sweater and sweatpants. Your hair was down from its bun, a few strands sticking to your neck from the rain. This view was better than any little green dress. You looked unexplainably adorable. And pissed. That somehow made you even cuter.
Riki shook out of his stupor and opened his mouth to speak. “Professor-“
“You’re following me home now?” You snapped, clutching the umbrella tighter. “You better have a damn good explanation coming out of your mouth before I call the police and report you to the university.”
“Wait, I do!” Riki finally was able to get his words out, holding his hands out like he was approaching a bristling animal. “My car battery’s damaged, I’m stuck here.”
Your anger dimmed just slightly. “Then call a tow truck.”
“I did.” He huffed. “But it’s gonna take them two hours to get here.”
You bit your cheek, trying to decide whether or not to believe him. He didn’t look like he was joking he looked honestly distraught and more pathetic by the second as the rain slowly soaked him through.
“Just go inside, I’ll wait in my car. Don’t worry I won’t bother you.” He said, opening his car door.
“No that’s ridiculous.” You shook your head. “You’re going to catch a cold and miss more classes.”
He gave a bitter chuckle. “I don’t really have any other choice.”
You thought for a moment. Not of what to do. More of, am I really going to do this? You decided against your better judgement. “Come with me, you’ll wait in my house.”
His eyebrows knit together. “What?”
“I’m not taking responsibility for you getting sick in front if my house and falling behind. Let’s go before I change my mind.”
“Okay, okay.” He quickly locked up his car, grabbing his bag before walking to your side and taking your umbrella out of your hands, brushing your knuckles ever so slightly. He held it up high enough to house both of you.
“I could have held it myself.” You muttered, cheeks burning.
He gave you a look that said ‘over my dead body.’ “I got it. Plus, you’re holding all that mail.”
He followed you up the street past a few closely sandwiched houses before coming to a quaint cream colored townhouse. Honestly, he was giddy was anticipation. Would your house be creepily clinical and sterile? Or would it be like your office, an explosion of literature covered in bookshelves and tables with more books and documents stacked on them?
You led him up the steps, unlocking the door before turning around. “Shoes off. And don’t touch anything. You leave as soon as the tow truck comes.”
Riki nodded. “Got it.”
You turned around to give him one more warning glare before opening the door. The two of you stepped in. Riki looked around. Your house was both exactly what he expected and didn’t expect at all. A small neat living room greeted him, giant bookshelf of course, but besides that, a tastefully decorated vintage living space, complete with cream colored leather couches, artisanal rugs, potted plants and vased bouquets that sat on every table.
“Have a seat, I’ll be right back.” You said, disappearing into one of the rooms.
Instead of sitting, he browsed your walls. Framed diplomas, degrees, photos of a movie much younger you in awful clothing shaking hands with notable people. Newspaper clippings too. He scanned the writing. You were nominated for a Nobel prize?! It was all really impressive. But he did notice. Every smile in every photo looked a little forced. It reminded him of what you said about your paper. Puer Senex. As he walked down the line of forced smiles and frumpy clothes he came to a photo of you that was completely different. You were around 18 years old, smiling genuinely, wearing an outfit that was the weirdest, most confusing yet beautiful thing he’d ever seen. You were laughing, posing next to Ria in a pair of assless chaps and a tight corset. Must have been one of Ria’s fashion shows. With a smile he scanned the photos, watching as the awkward frumpy teen slowly transformed into a well dressed beautiful, confident young woman, with the same forced smile. He stopped at the final frame on the wall. It was an article.
The Literary Prodigy That Silenced a Debate Panel Within 5 Minutes: An Introduction to The Newest and Youngest Addition to the DNU University Faculty.
Directly under the title was your picture at the debate where you argued your thesis at 20 years old. You sat in a smart deep green suit with a loose bun, young, hawk-eyed, ready to kill. A perfect image of intimidation. To Riki unfortunately, it was also the sexiest thing he’s ever seen.
“Here.” You said, appearing behind him with a soft towel. “Dry off. I’ll make some tea.”
The duality was insane to Riki. There he was, looking at a picture of you, this imposing icon of academics and now seeing a real, soft, domestic looking you. He muttered a quiet thanks, taking the towel and drying his hair and neck. The hem of his hoodie peeked up ever so slightly, showing a bit of skin, enough to let you know just how toned he was under there. You assumed. Maybe. Because you definitely weren’t looking. Not at all. With burning ears, you scuttered away into the kitchen, getting yourself busy with making tea.
“Excuse the mess.” You called over your shoulder. “I wasn’t expecting company.”
Riki looked around. Your house was pristine. The only thing out of place was a singular book and a knit blanket slung on the arm on the couch. He gave an astonished chuckle, grabbing the book. It looked boring by his standards, but obviously you liked it because it was thumbed through and dog eared multiple times.
He searched for the empty spot on your bookshelf. As he scanned, his eyes felt on an unexpected section. Sticking out like it was out of place, a shelf of multicolored spines, not boring, not leather bound, not books. Kpop albums.
“No fuckin’ way.” He whispered, almost in awe.
He stroked his hand down the spines of familiar names and groups, pulling out a Taemin solo album. He opened it, examining the photo cards and CD still in its packaging. To his gleeful surprise it was signed.
You are an inspiration, keep working hard!
Taemin
You walked in with a tray, seeing him absorbed in your album with a smile. Shit.
You carefully set the tray down on a nearby table and walked over with a wordless huff, snatching the album out of his hands. You turned around, carefully placing it back in its place. He didn’t even flinch, grinning as if he knew a secret about you that he wasn’t supposed to know.
“I thought I told you not to touch anything.” You muttered, keeping your voice detached behind a slight twinge of embarrassment. “The contents of this bookcase are worth more than your entire tuition and then some. You shouldn’t even be breathing on it.”
“You’re a kpop fan.” He said, almost as if he had to say it out loud to believe it.
“Yeah, and?” You said, refusing to look at him, staring hard into your bookshelf of expensive first edition European and American literature, and the random shelf of albums. “You’re gonna make fun of me?”
“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.” His smile softened into something less teasing and more familiar. “I’m a fan too. Just didn’t expect it from you.”
“Oh.” You mumbled, stroking the spine of the album affectionately. “Well, I’m a young woman. I’m allowed to have young woman interests.” You turned to him. “When I said don’t touch anything I meant it. This stuff is too extreme expensive for you to ruin.”
He gave an amused chuckle. “C’mon it’s just an album.”
“I’d rather you go mess up something else instead of my signed exclusives with those nasty hands of yours.” You said, herding him back to the couch where the tray of tea sat.
His brow furrowed, as he stared at his hands. “Nasty?”
“Yeah, every time I see you on campus you’re with a different girl, so who knows where your hands have been?” You say conversationally, pouring tea into the heated mugs, taking a seat with your cup.
“Ouch.” He scowled, grabbing the mug nearest to him. “You can be really mean sometimes, you know that?”
You shrug, carefully blowing steam off your mug. The deep scent of the tea wafted through the living room. It reminded Riki of you, sharp and bitter, yet delicate and floral.
“So.” You looked up, setting your cup down. “Enlighten me. You decided to take my class but you didn’t give a shit about it since the beginning. Why take it in the first place?”
“It’s a writing intensive.” He replied, warming his hands against the tea. “I need it for my general requirements.”
“My course is advanced, you couldn’t pick something simpler?”
He shrugged. “It was the only one that worked with my schedule.”
You hummed in response, taking another sip of tea. “So you‘re not even a literature major?”
“Me?” He made a face. “Hell no. Sorry, I know you’re like a literature genius but I’d rather die than read another classical book.” He finished with a sheepish smile.
You chuckled, setting your mug down. “So what major are you?”
“Performing arts.” He replied proudly. “I’m a dancer.”
You raised a brow. “And what career are you planning on pursuing with that?”
“I don’t need to pursue anything, I’m already a pretty successful choreographer.” Riki smiled, taking a sip of tea. “Have my own studio and everything. Just need a degree in anything to placate my dad. He says without a degree, you’re nobody.”
“Trust fund kid?”
“Yep.”
“Figured.”
He gave a soft scoff. “So?”
“What?”
“You picked me apart, let me ask you some questions.”
You leaned back, crossing your arms. “Ask away.”
Riki was a little taken aback, expecting you to refuse, or at least push back. “So like..” he pondered for a second. “Why..books?”
You raised a brow. “Do you realize how stupid you sound?”
“No, I mean, you’re this world renowned wonderkid genius, why was literature your focus?” He asked, no hint of teasing in his voice, eyes full of curiosity.
“Hm..” you muttered, thrumming your fingers against you folded arm. You knew the answer, you didn’t have to think. You just weren’t sure. Should you really allow yourself to be vulnerable with your most problematic student? Whatever. “Well, I never got to live like a normal kid. I was always busy in gifted programs, never really got to experience the regular things in life. You know, like sleepovers, sneaking out with friends, talking about boys all that stuff. But I still wanted that experience that I was robbed of. So I found it in literature.”
“So you’re trying to relive your childhood you could’ve had through books?” Riki furrowed his brow. The storm outside got worse as if to punctuate his question.
You nodded. “Basically.”
“Well…” his brow stayed furrowed, like he couldn’t rap his head around you. “What about friends? Boyfriends? Did you not have any?”
A pang settled in your chest and you gave him a sad smile. “I met Ria when I was sixteen. She was my only friend, and just kinda…adopted me into her friend group, you know, Jake, Jay, Sunghoon. And boyfriends?” You stifled a bitter chuckle. “Are a waste of time.”
Those words settled oddly in Riki’s chest, like they didn’t fit. “What makes you say that?”
Memories came flooding back. The boy you dated, who gave 2 fumbling painful minutes of your loss of virginity and left. You tried everything you could to salvage that, but he didn’t see you as his girlfriend. Like everyone else he treated you like a novelty, an experience. And you would never let yourself be treated like that again.
You made a face. “I dated a guy once, for like 3 months when I was 18. A nerd like me, I couldn’t really relate to guys my age and dating people within my intellectual area was downright wrong, so I didn’t really have much option. He…treated our relationship like everything else in our lives, nothing more than a study. It wasn’t fulfilling. It only set me back. Romance is nothing like it is in books. So I’d rather have the books.”
You looked up and were met with Riki’s intense eyes that made you squirm under his gaze, his expression unreadable. “What?” You asked, your voice smaller than you wanted it to be.
“You haven’t experienced life at all, have you?” He asked quietly.
You immediately bristled, remembering him saying those exact words to jeer and question you in class. “I have experienced more at 9 than you ever-“
“I’m not saying it to be mean.” He cut you off. “You experienced a lot, but you didn’t experience a normal life. You consider love a waste of time because you u didn’t experience love the normal way. The right way.” His voice was soft but his eyes were intense.
“I guess not.” You threw you hands up in mild exasperation. “God forbid a girl spend her time making acquaintance with Nobel prize winners at galas instead of dumb guys under bleachers.”
He gave you sad smile. “Wow.”
“What now?”
“I’m not gonna deny that you’re book smart. But you’re really life stupid.” He said softly, like it wasn’t an insult.
“How dare you?” You glared at him, your words sharp and cutting. “I didn’t invite you into my home to be attacked.”
“I’m not attacking you.” He scooted closer, the gesture oddly comforting. “It just makes me sad that someone as brilliant as yourself had to grow up so quick. You know, the whole Pyro Syntax thing.”
“Puer Senex.”
“Yeah, whatever.” He leaned in closer, placing his elbows on his knees. “My point is, someone like you should be spending your time living life to the fullest with people you love, not with some old farts in a dusty gala hall. You can do both, you know? Didn’t Voltaire, and Hemingway live life to the fullest?”
Your cheeks flushed and eyes shone at the intensity of his odd concern for your life. “Well, I guess you did learn something from my lectures.” You joked awkwardly, staring into the coffee table, avoiding eye contact with the man you were trying so hard to remember as your annoying student and not someone who’s trying to take your life in a whole new direction. “But I can’t bring back the past. The way I lived my life is how I lived it.”
“You don’t have to bring back the past.” He leaned closer. “Just…pick up where you left off.”
As if on instinct you leaned away. “I-I guess.” You muttered, face flaming.
“I could show you what normal life is.” He said quietly, as if trying not to disturb the delicate silence. He gazed right into you, as if trying to plant the offer into your soul. “If you want.”
You couldn’t help but peek at him, high cheek bones, his plump lips that twitched with many things unsaid, at his deep eyes that both plead and demanded. Your stomach flipped. You looked away, heart racing, hands shaking. What is wrong with you?
Riki took a look at you, at your state. He knew what this was. Your avoiding gaze, blushing
face, stutter, he’s seen all of it plenty of times. But he also knew that you didn’t know what was going on with you. So he didn’t press the issue, a quiet mercy you’d never realize. He just smiled softly, doing the same thing as you, ignoring how his heart beat just a little faster when he looked at you.
The quiet moment was ruined by the loud jingling of keys in your door handle. Both of your eyes shot to the door as it slammed open. Ria came in, shaking rain off her leather jacket.
“Hey girl, it’s insane out there. I’m just gonna wait till the rain stops, I parked my bike under your awning. Heeseung’s been blowing up my phone, freaking out about me riding in the rain, said he’ll come get me himself but your place was closer.” She announced, facing away from me as she hung up her jacket on a hook before turning to me. “But anyway, I brought a bottle and some sketches I wanted to show you for that Cambridge thing you were telling me about and I-what the fuck?”
“Oh…hi Ria!” You smiled nervously, as if you were caught doing something nefarious.
Riki smirked. “Hey.”
Ria raised her brow. “Am I interrupting something?”
“No!” You stood up a little too quickly. “I-I mean we-“
“-my car broke down near her house so I asked her to let crash until the tow truck comes.” Riki cut off you ramble with ease, acting like it was the most normal thing in the world. As if on cue, his phone rang, the screen displaying the towing company’s name. After quietly answering amidst our stares he hung up and stood, gathering his things. “Tow truck’s here.” He smiled at you softly, his gaze telling you the conversation is far from over. “Thanks, Professor.”
“Yeah, yeah.” You closed your eyes, rubbing your temple. “Be safe.” You were about to get an earful from Ria and you knew it.
Once the door shut behind him, Ria descended. “What the hell was that about?” Her tone accusing but her eyes gleaming with excitement.
“He just told you.” You muttered, folding your arms. “I just let him stay until the tow truck came.”
“Right, okay.” Ria scoffs. “And that’s why you were staring into each other’s eyes lovingly when I walked in, right?”
“We were not!”
“Girl, when are you gonna stop lying to yourself?” Ria demanded, plopping herself onto your couch.
“What are you talking about?” You demanded back.
“Oh my God, you so stupid!” she groaned. “You like him!”
“Absolutely not.” You spat defensively, crossing your arms. “I’d rather die than want him, and plus he’s my student, I couldn’t do anything even if I wanted to.”
“Girl.”
“No, I may have helped him out but he’s still the bane of my existence!” You exclaimed.
“Girl.” Ria stood back up.
“And plus, he’s a student, that’s literally illegal and I don’t even like younger guys like that!” You rambled on in your defense.
“Oh my God, LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE SECOND.” Ria shouted, grabbing your shoulders. “You’re tutoring him. You let him go instead of reporting him at the bar. You let him into your house.”
“And?”
“You’d never do those things to any student. Hell, you didn’t even do it for Jake when he was in your class and he’s your friend.” Ria said, still holding on to your shoulders. “So when are you going to stop lying to yourself and admit you like the guy?”
“I…” you mumbled, mind racing. “I don’t!”
Ria gave a resigned sigh. “If you say so..I’m just saying. You don’t have to act on it but you do have to be honest to yourself.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” You said, trying to quickly change the subject. “Show me what you’ve got.”
Ria sighed, as if she gave up trying to make you look truth in the eyes. “Alright look.” Ria began pulling a sketchbook out of her bag. “I was thinking, tweed is old fashioned and boring. What if we do all suede, but in a fall color, maybe a carmine or an old mauve?”
You stare at her blankly. “I don’t know what that means.”
She rubbed her temple. “Oh my God..”
- - -
After a very confusing night of feeble sleep, you forced yourself to go to the lecture you had to teach. The click of your pumps resonated through the expansive halls of the literature building hurting your exhausted brain, mimicking confidence but your mind hazily floated elsewhere. The way Riki looked at you last night, an odd mix of accusing intensity and tender concern. Your own shaken state during the conversation. Ria’s demands of you to be honest with yourself. You couldn’t be. You wouldn’t be.
You ran face first into the door.
“Shit!” You hissed in pain rubbing the sore spot on your forehead. You looked around frantically, hoping nobody saw what just happened, before clumsily unlocking the door and slipping inside.
With the deadline fast approaching, you saw no point in a lecture, letting the students instead work on their papers during class time. Riki of course was slacking as per usual, goofing off with Jungwon, flirting with a pair of girls next to him but it looked forced, as if he was trying to keep up a facade. You fixed him with a pointed stare.
Your eyes went back down to your laptop, typing up section for your paper from your scribbled notes. The class was pretty quiet when you heard it. A gasp for air. Then another. Fast breathing followed by a strangled sob. Your head shot back up, looking for the source of the noise.
“What’s going on?” You demanded.
The class descended into a chorus of concerned whispers.
Someone from the back called out. “It’s Annie.”
Someone else called out, “she’s freaking out.”
Your eyes found your student. She was a little younger than the rest, 19, clutching her laptop and book on Jane Austen looking like she was about to collapse.
“Annie talk to me.” You demanded, standing up, making your way to her. “What’s going on?”
“I-I don’t know what’s happening-I deleted everything-“ she hiccuped, barely holding it together. “I just-I’m just really- I’m gonna fail-“
You slammed your hands against her desk. She jolted, staring at you, still sniffling.
“What’s 24 plus 13?”
“What?” She squeaked.
“Just answer the question.” You demanded, loud yet level.
“Thirty…thirty seven.” She meekly replied.
“18 minus 15?”
“Three.” She answered, a little more calm.
“25 plus 48?”
“Uhhh..” she quieted, doing the math in her head. “Carry the 1..73?”
You nodded. “96-48?”
“48.” She answered more confidently.
“Is your logical brain back on?” You asked her. She nodded. “What are your next steps?”
“Check if it autosaved, then call IT if I can’t retrieve it.” She said, already opening to the necessary pages.
You nodded back. “Good. Keep working.”
You straightened up and made your way back to your desk in the front of the hall. The students stared at you in impressed silence. “Please continue working on your projects.” You said, sitting down, fixing onto your own work.
Riki quickly got up from his desk, approaching yours. You looked up at him, blankly, expectantly.
“Mr. Nishimura?” You asked. “Can I help you with something?”
“How did you do that?” He whispered, leaning over your desk, eyes shining with awe. “You calmed her down with math?!”
“I didn’t calm her down.” You murmured, restocking a stack of papers, trying to ignore the close proximity. “I just gave her a quick reset, so she gets her mind off feelings and onto logic. Please go back to your seat.”
Riki complied, eyes still shining with wonder as he took his seat. Your chest warmed, swelled with a weird sense of accomplishment as you fought a smile. A satisfied pride that you got his respect for something.
- - -
There was a week and a half left from the project due date. Riki was nearly done. You invited him back to your office to work under your guidance as per usual.
“I am going to be a bit busy, and I’ll be staying longer than 7 today.” You warned as he took a seat. “So I won’t be of much help.”
“That’s okay.” He nodded. “I think I can handle it from here.”
“Then why bother coming?” You asked, opening My Childhood and placing it gently on your bookstand.
He shrugged. “I like it here.”
You nodded, cheeks dusting pink. Did he like spending time with you? Nah, that can’t be it. You peeked up at him. He caught your eye with a soft smile. You kept your face emotionless as the weird flutter in your stomach came back.
9 pm hit. Hours stretched long, Riki was making really good progress. He was almost done. You on the other hand? You felt like you were back at square one.
All the writing you’ve done to this point, all the notes, all the reading, it just stopped making sense. It was like you completely forgot how to read. Cyrillic letters seemed to have lost their meaning. And along with them, so did your thesis. You had to start from scratch, the whole idea tanked, it was bullshit. My Childhood, The Epinician Odes, all of it, it was bullshit. Fuck, you were so tired. Your vision blurred.
Drip.
Drip.
Riki looked up in confusion at the weird patter of noise.
Drip.
Drip.
His eyes drifted to you. “Oh Shit!” He muttered in horror.
Your face, although devoid of emotion, was streaked with frustrated tears. Another tear rolled down your cheek, hanging on the edge of your jaw, threatening to ruin the precious book in front of you. He knew how much you cared about the rare first edition. Riki’s hand shot out, acting on instinct, catching your tear in his palm before it landed the book. It dripped into his hand with a small splash, cold and unforgiving.
“Professor?” He asked tensely, voice dipping with worry. “Hey, hey, hey, wait- Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” You whispered hoarsely, still staring into the book, absentmindedly wiping your tears with the heel of your hand. “I’m okay. Just…give me a second.”
“No, you’re not okay.” He pressed, keeping his hand hovering under your chin to catch any stray drops.
“I got it.” You muttered, pushing his hand away. You began whispering to yourself. “15-9 is 6. 28 + 31 is 59-“
“Hey, stop.” Riki demanded, snapping his fingers in front of your face. “Look at me.”
“What’s wrong with me?” You looked up at him, voice choked and quiet. Your widened eyes filled with panic and tears looked up at him in an expression that was heart wrenchingly innocent and pained. You looked your age again. No, you looked younger. Like a scared child, that doesn’t understand why she feels bad. “Why did I stop understanding?”
He looked back at you, jaw set with panicked tension. “Hey. Talk to me, what’s going on?” He asked softly, heart pounding in his ears.
“I…I can’t figure it out.” Your lip trembled. “I lost my train of thought, the paper’s fucked, I’m so stupid!”
“You’re not, professor-“ he pleaded with you.
“I just..I need a reset, you should probably go, it late. Get some sleep.” You said shakily, wiping your eyes, turning away. “I’ll just-“
“I’m not going anywhere.” He said, grabbing your shoulder, voice coming out hard. Hard enough to bring you back to the present. His eyes bore into yours, insistent. “I’m not leaving you in this state.”
A bitter sob tore through your chest as you covered your face with shaking hands. “I can’t think! If I can’t think I’m a failure. And if I’m a failure then what’s the point of all this!” You cried into your hands. “I’m broken!”
Riki’s heart broke seeing you like this. Suddenly, all boundaries between student and teacher went out the window. He didn’t care anymore. All that was on his mind was a severe urge to protect you, to comfort you, to take care of you. He reached out and pulled you into his arms, tucking your head under his chin, wrapping an arm around you securely.
“Shhh. You’re not broken. You hear me?” He murmured stroking your hair. “You’re tired. You’re allowed to be tired. It’s okay, you’re safe.”
You sobbed into his chest, forgetting or simply not caring about professor student conduct. He was right. You were exhausted, you were worn down too thin. You needed comfort and he was providing it. It felt wrong. But it felt safe. You buried your face into his hoodie, soaking it with your tears. He held you through your breakdown, his heartbeat thundering against your ear, grounding you. His thumb stroked comforting circles into your back as you cried into his chest until your heaving shoulders relaxed and your choked sobs turned into sniffling hiccups.
Finally coming to, you carefully tapped on his elbow. He unwillingly let you go. You straightened up, sniffling.
“I apologize.” You said, your voice still thick with tears. “That was very unprofessional of me. You should probably go, it getting late. I’ll get going too.” You looked up at him, your expression calm and devoid of emotion but the red splotchiness of your skin gave you away.
“Are you kidding?” His brow furrowed, anger rising in his chest. Anger at you, for ignoring your own needs, anger at the dean for pushing this project on you, anger at himself for making this semester harder for you than it needed to be. “No, I’m not leaving you like this.”
“Nishimura-“
“No.” He gently gripped your wrist. “You need to clear your head.”
“I Don’t think-“
“Good. Don’t think.” He said, ushering you up from your seat. “It’s okay not to think. C’mon.”
“Where are we going?” You croaked out, allowing yourself be led out of your office.
“We’re going on a drive.” He said, taking your hand as you walked down the already dark halls. “And then I’ll take you home. Okay?”
“Okay.” You nodded, letting him lead (drag) you out of the literature building.
- - -
The drive was quiet in that tired muggy way post crying always is. You leaned against the cool head rest, letting the sweet scent of fresh car leather and the clean smell of Riki’s cologne lull you into a sense of calm as he zipped down emptying roads. He drove fast, but careful as if scared to jostle you too much. You didn’t look at him, instead preferring to look at the lights of the city blinking past you. Reminded you of childhood, before you ever decided to become a professor, when you were 5 or 6.
“I want to live in a skyscraper!” You’d tell people with childish excitement. “And work in another skyscraper!”
You smiled at the memory, feeling worn down. The sound of your name called pulled you out of your tired stupor. You turned your head toward Riki, who was looking at the road but glanced over at you every few seconds.
“How you feeling?” He asked softly.
“You shouldn’t be calling me by my first name like that.” You said, but your quiet voice had no edge, like you didn’t really mean it. “I’m your professor.”
He chuckled. “Not right now you’re not. You’re just…” he thought for a moment before shrugging. “A girl.”
“Wow.” You rolled your eyes. “7 years of college to just be ‘some girl’.”
“Hey don’t put words in my mouth.” He laughed. “I didn’t say you were ‘some girl.’ I said you’re a girl. You know, more than your degree. You’re a person.”
You looked at him, his words settling over you like a blanket. It filled you with a warm sense of being seen as something more than your forced smiles and accolades. “I guess you’re right. I’m a person.” You repeated, throat tight. You reached into your bag pulling out a Red Bull.
“Absolutely not.” Riki snatched it from you, tossing it into his back seat. He reached behind you, pulling out a water bottle instead. “Here.”
You took the bottle from his hand, opening it with a satisfying crack. “Fuck you.” You closed your eyes to soothe the burn.
“Hearing you cuss feels weird.” He chided jokingly, amused by your exhausted childish brattiness.
“Why? I’ve cussed at you before.”
“I know,” Riki grinned. “But that was when I hated you so it didn’t matter as much.”
“You hate me?” You offered a lazy smirk.
“I did when you failed me.” He took another turn. “The Dorian Grey thing.”
“You deserved it.”
“I know.” He said sheepishly. A comfortable silence filled the car, only the sounds of the highway pierced through the air in a monotone hum. He broke it. “I don’t hate you.” He murmured. “Not anymore at least.”
“Yeah?” You mumbled.
“Yeah.” He stopped at a red light, turning to gaze at you. “If anything, I have a lot of respect for you. It takes a lot of balls, I know you’re a woman, but it takes a lot of balls to do what you do. When I said that you’re brilliant I meant it.”
“Thanks.” You smiled, the familiar burn in your cheeks dimming to a sweet warmth. “I’m glad you see me as brilliant.”
“But that’s not all you are, you know?” Riki murmured. The hum of the car almost lulled you to sleep. “You’re kind, you’re helpful, you’re beautiful..” he trailed off, parking in front of your townhouse with a sigh. “I Don’t know. Maybe I’m weirding you out. It just makes me sad that your only relationship was shitty enough for you to give up on love. It’s fucked up. You deserve better.” His voice was soft, yet tight with a sort of indignation. “You deserved normalcy. You deserved time to be a teenager.”
You felt…seen. Appreciated. Vindicated. Your eyes stung again, but you were not going to cry in front of him. Not again. Your hands shook as the a watery smile fought its way onto your face. “Thanks Riki.” You whispered as you looked at him. “Means a lot.”
His eyes looked different. It wasn’t the annoying stare you grew to hate, or the intensity that intimidated you. His eyes felt warm, steady, but dark, like he was drinking you in. The familiar fluttery pang returned to your stomach.
“My name sounds better when you say it.” He said quietly, softly despite how rough his voice sounded.
“R-really?” You mumbled, face burning more at his gaze than his words. “I guess I should start using it more often.”
“Maybe you should.” He murmured, his voice somewhere between a purr and a whisper.
For a moment, you two just watched each other, counting each blink, feeling the heat coming off you without even needing to touch. It was intimate. It was a lot. Your heart thumped erratically as your eyes trailed his face, settling on his perfectly supple lips. You cleared your throat.
“Thanks for the ride, Riki.” You murmured, slowly leaning away as if trying to preserve the feeling of his eyes carving into you. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He didn’t answer, he just watched you with those dark eyes, deep in thought. You gave him an awkward wave before reaching to open the door. He called your name, grabbing your arm. “Wait.” He pleaded quietly. “Don’t leave yet.”
You turned back to him, stomach churning with that weird fluttery feeling. “What?”
He pulled you into him. You fell into his hands with a gasp, nothing between you and him other than the center console that pressed into your hip. “Riki what are you doing?” You whispered, looking up at him wide eyed, heart hammering in your chest.
He was unreal up close. His free hand caressed your jaw in reverence, his thumb stroking hesitantly across your bottom lip.
“I don’t know.” He murmured breathily. “I just…come here.”
He closed the small gap that was between you, capturing your lips with his. They were.. soft. The kiss was slow, deliberate, like he was trying to memorize your taste. He held you tight, fingers splaying across the small of your back, pulling you flush against him, one hand cradling your jaw with such tenderness it made your heart flutter. His lips were fervent, plush, telling you everything he couldn’t put into words.
This is wrong. The logical part of your brain screamed. This is improper conduct! But you didn’t care to think right now, only feel. Fuck being proper. Your eyes fluttered shut as you responded, kissing him back, following his lead. He smiled against your lips, deepening the kiss. His hand traveled up your neck tangling in your hair, angling you where he wanted you. Your hands found purchase on his shoulders as you held on tight.
You haven’t had much experience with guys, your only kiss was quick, rough, and dehumanizing. But with Riki, it was completely different. You’ve never felt so cherished, so wanted. You could stay here forever, tangled in Riki’s embrace, getting lost in him. You wanted this, needed this as much as he did. But the logical side of your brain won out.
You pulled away from Riki, and he followed, chasing your lips. You stopped him with a palm on his chest. He looked down at you confused, panting lightly. He was flushed, his cheeks tinged a soft pink, pupils blown, lips swollen. He whispered your name in a question, plead for more.
“I…” You mumbled, hands shaking, heart hammering. “I have to go.”
You let yourself out of Riki’s car, practically scrambling out and sprinting up the steps of your town house flinging the door open. You ran upstairs to your bedroom, throwing yourself on the bed. You peaked out behind the blinds, watching as his car slowly pulls away. You curled into a ball, exhausted. Yet the adrenaline of what just happened wouldn’t let you sleep for a long time, your mind reeling with many confusing emotions.
How were you going to look Riki in the eye tomorrow and pretend you weren’t ready to ruin your entire career in that moment?
“What have I done?” You whispered, burying your face in a pillow, a phantom memory of Riki resting on your lips. This can never happen again.
- - -
With just 2 weeks left in the semester, you couldn’t look at him without the memory of that night flooding back. Anytime you heard even the mention Riki, your heart quivered, your face flushed hot, your lips remembered him. No matter how many times you reminded yourself of who he is and who you are, you couldn’t stop yourself from craving his touch. You craved the way he made you feel beautiful, desirable. You had no choice but to admit to yourself.
You want him.
So you did the only logical thing you can think of. You avoided him like the plague for 3 days straight. You cancelled his tutoring sessions, sending a cold detached email about your schedule not allowing it anymore. You sidestepped him in the halls, ignored his raised hands, deleted his emails. And your avoidance did not go unnoticed.
You were busy explaining the grading process of the assignment during a lecture, trying to avoid a pair of eyes in the second row. Riki’s eyes tracked your every movement, with a deep look of realization. A look that said “I know you. I see through it.”
“Now remember, you had 4 weeks to work on it now, so I don’t want to hear any requests for extensions unless you have a real emergency.” You said, writing down the new date on the board. “I expect a typed physical copy from each partner. You will receive your graded papers the final day of the semester.” You turned around, and suddenly faltered.
Riki gazed into you, no hint of teasing in his eyes or even anger. Just a deep knowing concentration, like he was learning you. It felt like a threat and a promise of the inevitable at once. “And uh…” you muttered, squirming under his watchful eye. “And I-I’ll release the grades to you online that same afternoon. Class dismissed.”
As the class emptied, one student remained. You couldn’t look at him. You wouldn’t. You walked briskly out of the auditorium, locking it under his watch.
Then he spoke. “Professor.” His voice was low enough for only you to hear, rough enough for only you to understand. You ignored him, walking with big strides back to your office away from the confrontation that you knew was coming no matter what.
“Professor!” He called after you, his voice demanding as he followed.
You walked faster, but he was relentless in his pursuit, now calling your name instead of your title. You threw open your office door, ready to shut it in his face. But his hand shot out, catching the door before you could close it. He stepped inside, locking the door behind him. You flinched back, turning away from him, staring into the window instead. His presence was loud in the silence of your office.
You spoke, your voice calm and cold despite your trembling state. “Office hours were cancelled today.”
“I saw.” He replied. His voice was cold. Rough.“I’m not here for office hours.”
You approached your desk, placing your hands on it to mask the tremor in them. “Then, Nishimura, I don’t see a reason-“
“Oh?” He scoffed, grabbing your arm, turning you to face him. “I’m just Nishimura now?Really?” His eyes flamed with a mixture of anger and hurt.
You set your jaw, wrenching your arm out of his grasp, stepping behind your desk, keeping a barrier between you two, a reminder of your roles. “Just tell me what you came here for.”
“You’ve been avoiding me.” He muttered, is tone low, accusatory. Yet his eyes didn’t match they were full of hurt, and something that looked like longing.
You shook your head, not meeting his eyes. “I’m not-“
“You are.” He cut you off, stepping closer. “And I’m done letting you pretend that that kiss never happened.”
You still refused to meet his gaze, turning your back to your desk. “What happened was a mistake.” You said, forcing yourself to sound professional. “It was a lapse in judgement in both of our parts due to mental exhaustion, nothing else. I apologize for my part in it, it was inappropriate. I would appreciate it if we could move past it and not speak of it again-“
He stepped around your desk, into your place. “Stop.” His voice cut close to your ear, low and broken. You froze, your body listened. You could feel him now, standing so close you could hear him breathe.
You turned to him, eyes hard. “What the hell do you want from me?” You whispered, voice cracking with fear.
“You.” He said, eyes burning into yours, challenging. Demanding. “I know what I felt that night. And I’m not gonna stand here and let you act like it was just a mistake. It wasn’t to me.”
You couldn’t answer, fused to the edge of your desk. So he continued, voice choked with indignant desperation. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that night. Hell, since the day I ran into you. And I know you think of me too, you feel something for me too, I see it.” He pleaded. “Tell me I’m right. Tell me I’m not crazy.”
You felt a cold rush of nerves flutter through you as you finally found your words. “There’s no point.” You whisper, shaking. “I’m a professor. You’re my student. It’s misconduct.”
He gave a bitter chuckle, shaking his head. “Is that what’s holding you back? Conduct?” He stepped closer, caging you against the desk with his hands. “I’m not stupid. I’m not confused about what I feel for you. The real world doesn’t play by the rules, they can’t forbid me from falling in love with you.”
Those words jolted through you like lightning. In love with you. They rang through your mind, burning into your brain. You’ve had people praise you for your contributions, look up to you as a mentor, yet you’ve never heard anyone say they were in love with you. It felt warm. It felt…so freaking scary.
“We can’t..” you shook your head, tears pooling in your eyes. “Even if I do have feelings for you, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s wrong.” You look up to finally meet his eyes. “It’s unethical, no matter how much I want it, Riki.”
His eyes softened. Although you didn’t quite say it he got his answer. He wasn’t being delusional after all.
“We can make it work.” He promised. “Fuck what the faculty says, fuck what society says, I still want you. And I don’t care what I have to do to have you.”
“I’m so scared.” You admitted, heart thundering, tears finally streaking down your face. “I haven’t thought-“
“Don’t think then.” He towered over you, so close you could feel his breath fan across your face. He lifted a hand to cup your jaw, his palm cool and dry against your burning skin. “Tell me to stop.” he whispered. “Tell me to go away and I’ll never bother you again. Just say no.”
You looked up at him with those devastatingly innocent eyes. The word was right there. He’s giving you an out. Yet you stayed silent, your own heart betraying logic. You didn’t want him to go.
His eyes darkened and he could’t wait a second longer. His grasp on your jaw tightened as he crashed his lips into yours. This wasn’t the same tentative kiss from 3 days ago. This was desperate, angry, like he was trying to kiss all of his frustration into you. Your eyes screwed shut, hands tangling in his hair. He groaned softly, his fingers slipping under the hem your top. You let out a strangled whimper, almost reaching out to stop him, but his hands were not roaming, not groping. They just…rested against the small of your back. It was like all he needed was to feel the warmth of your skin. Your resolve crashed hard as you melted into him. Your lips parted, letting him slip his tongue into your mouth, tasting you like he was relearning you. You let yourself feel without thinking, unguarded as heat spread through you.
He felt it. Your complete surrender into him made his heart race. He pulled you in tighter, if that was even possible. You shuddered, hands grabbing on tight, as you felt him flush against your body, growing firm against your core. Then his hands went anywhere they pleased and you didn’t stop him.
His hands stroked down your back, lower squeezing your ass fervently over your skirt before traveling down your thighs, worshipping them with soft touches and caresses, drawing more needy whimpers from you.
You pulled back, pressing your hands against his chest, gasping for hair. He panted as he loomed over you, taking you in from your swollen lips to your tear brimmed eyes with a dark quiet affection. You rested your forehead against his.
“One week.” You murmured shakily, panting against him. “The semester ends in one week.”
He pulled back, lifting your chin to look at you, his face stern. “One week.” He murmured, wiping your lips with his thumb. “One week and then you’re mine.”
- - -
The final week of the semester was complete torture of the best kind. Riki went out of his way to make you fluster, if he couldn’t with his words, he would with his eyes. Every moment was a reminder. 4 days. 2 days. And it had you clawing the walls.
“While I’m grading your papers, I will give you some extra credit opportunities.” You said, strolling the front. “So today will be easy. Watch the film, please fill out these questionnaires based on the video, turn it in, have a great day. Simple enough?”
The class nodded in quiet affirmation, the energy in the class finally relaxed for once, like everyone felt the absence of the tension. Except for you. The tension didn’t disappear it was just..different.
You approached your desk, pulling a stack of questionnaires out of a folder. “Can someone help me pass these out?”
“Yeah I got it.” You tensed, hearing Riki get up from his seat. You turned back to him, clutching the papers in your hand, heart thumping louder the closer he approached.
You cleared you throat, snapping back into your professorial mode. “Thank you, Mr. Nishimura.” You handed him the paper without so much of a glance, turning your attention to the video set up. Then you felt it.
Cool fingers brushed your ankle, just a ghost of a touch, trailing up the back of your knee, up your thigh. You gasped, whipping around to grab his hand. In class? Is he insane?
“What are you doing?” You whispered, tense and aware.
“Hm?” He looked at you blankly. “You had a post it stuck to your leg.” He held out an actual post it note. You snatched it from his hands.
“Just…just pass out the papers.” You muttered, cheeks burning, you skin practically buzzing with electricity where he touched you. He stood for a moment, just looking at you, his gaze heavy with intention before walking away to pass out the papers. You stared at the note crumpled in your hands.
Tomorrow.
You looked up at him, heart pounding with anticipation. He glanced back at you, as if confirming. It all felt too real now.
“Alright everyone. Thank you so much for taking my class, I really hope that you learned something valuable. As soon as you receive your graded papers you may go.” You smiled on the last day of the semester. Your arms were full of hours of blood sweat and tears that your students put into their work. You passed out the papers, exchanging thank yous with students.
“You were fantastic this semester, professor.” Jungwon grinned brightly, taking the offered paper from your hands. “Thank you.”
“It was a pleasure working with you.” You smiled back. “You have a real talent for writing, you know that?”
As you traded pleasantries with Jungwon you could feel a pair of eyes boring into you, watching your every move like a hawk. You looked over at Riki, the paper you worked on together slightly bending in your hand.
“You’re smarter than I thought, Mr. Nishimura.” You straightened your back, keeping up the appearance of the hard ass professor, despite your trembling hands. “Looks like I won’t have to deal with you again next year.”
He didn’t smile, didn’t snap back. He didn’t even say anything as he took the paper from your hands, fingers deliberately brushing yours. You weren’t sure if it was to comfort you or to remind you.
“One week. And then you’re mine.”
Your stomach tensed with anticipation, practically aching to touch him, to kiss him again, but also fear. Fear of the unknown.
Riki looked at his paper, not even knowing what to expect. His eyes widened.
96 %. Exceptional Work.
Your insight on the loss of childhood through the eyes of Jackson and Blake are truly eye opening.
His head shot back up, eyes finding your back. You didn’t get to see his eyes shine with gratitude, adoration and pure need. If it wasn’t for you, he wouldn’t have passed, he knew that. And he was ready to prove just how grateful he was.
- - -
The halls were quiet, nearly empty as many students already left the university for winter vacation. You sighed, carrying your now empty binder and fully marked up textbook into your office, ready to submit the final online grades and get home. But you knew deep down, that wasn’t going to be a simple close out. As you were finishing up entering grades into your laptop, you got an email. It was a calendar invite.
Nishimura Riki booked a meeting:
Office Hour Meeting
All available slots
Your breath hitched. He was making sure your office hour was empty just for him. With surprisingly steady hands, you accepted the invite, staring at the door with bated breath.
Minutes felt like hours until your door finally creaked open to reveal Riki. You peered at him over your screen, shutting your laptop and shoving it away.
“Nishimura.” You straightened up as you greeted him, as calmly as you could.
“Hi Professor.” He replied quietly, voice rough. “Still haven’t greased the hinges?” He asked, locking the door behind him.
“I prefer hearing when someone walks in.” You offer a nervous simper, fingers lacing up in your lap. “So that nobody can sneak up on me.”
He sauntered over to your desk, plopping into the seat that was basically his now. He leaned back in the leather chair, crossing his arms, just watching you sweat under his gaze. He stared at you like you were art, with a possessive yet tender need.
“So..” you looked down at the now empty desk in front of you.
“So.” He parroted. “I wanted to talk about my grade.”
“Are you not happy with it?” You joked but your voice came out timid.
“No that’s not it.” He leaned against your desk. “I wanted to thank you. Couldn’t have done it without you.”
“I’m your professor.” You replied. “It’s my job.”
“Not anymore.” He whispered.
“Hm?” You looked up.
He whispered your name like it was something sacred. “The semester’s over.” He reached out, cupping your jaw with both hands, fingers twitching with restraint.
“Y-yeah.” You gulped, heart pounding.
“And I’m done waiting.”
He pulled you forward, crashing his lips into yours. It was like time stopped. Nothing existed in that moment except for you and Riki. You responded immediately, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck as you kissed back hungrily. He groaned in approval, angling his head to deepen the kiss, heating up fast. His hand travelled from your jaw down your waist, gripping so tightly you know he’ll leave bruises as his tongue slid against yours. He slid his hands under your thighs lifting you up onto your desk effortlessly, stepping between them.
“I’ve wanted this for so long.” He panted against your mouth, his lips traveling down your jaw, pressing hot kisses on the tender spot on your neck. “Wanted you. Couldn’t get you out of my head. ” His hands roamed up your body, grabbing your tits over your top.
“Riki!” You whimpered, your hands tangling in his hair, egging him on as he worshipped, claimed every inch of your body with his hands. He felt your pulse quicken against his lips.
“Please.” He groaned, teeth grazing the sensitive skin behind your ear. “Need you. Now.” You nodded wordlessly, head already swimming with delirium.
He gripped your thighs, pulling your legs apart. His hands slipped under your skirt, cupping your mound that was hidden behind a pair of sheer black tights. With an impatient growl he snatched the thin nylon, tearing it open with a loud rip.
“Fuck.” He rasped, stroking a finger over your clothed slit. You gasped at the sensation, hips bucking into his hand as he teased you with his fingers, a dark spot forming in your panties. The wet fabric clung to you like a second skin.
“You’re soaked.” He marveled in awe. “All this for me?”
You looked away, cheeks flushed with shame. He grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. “Hey.” He whispered, pressing his forehead against yours, an endeared smirk playing at his lips. “Don’t be embarrassed. Okay?”
You nodded shyly, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, already missing his touch. His eyes darkened, as he captured your lips again, kissing you hard, all tongue and teeth.
“You’re so fucking cute.” He rasped against your mouth, yanking your panties to the side, pressing his thumb down hard onto your clit.
You gasped into his mouth when he pushed a finger into your entrance, sending a jolt of pleasure pain through your body.
“Fuck, Riki!” You whimpered, clutching onto him for dear life as he rubbed his thumb in slow agonizing circles, fingers curling cruelly inside of you. “Please!”
He let out a breathy chuckle. “You’re so fucking needy. Love you like this.”
You buried your face into his shoulder as his fingers worked you open. Suddenly pulled his hand away and dropped to his knees between your legs. He wrapped his arms around your hips, yanking you to the edge of the desk. He spread your thighs even further, leaving you vulnerable, embarrassed and completely soaked.
“Riki?” You whined, bewildered. “What are you-“
“So perfect…” he whispered, voice thick with lust. “Such a pretty fucking pussy..”
He gripped your thighs tighter and buried his face between your legs, licking a slow stripe from entrance to clit.
“Fuck, Riki!” You gasped, clamping your thighs around his head.
He held them open with a light warning smack against your thigh. “Hold still for me, pretty girl.” He purred, before diving back in, parting your folds with his tongue.
Riki ate you out like he was starving, licking deep into your entrance, groaning with satisfaction every time he felt you pulse around his tongue. “So perfect for me.” He moaned into you, swirling his tongue around your clit before giving it a hard suck. “You taste so fucking good.”
You pressed your hands against your mouth to muffle your moans, grinding your hips into his mouth. He placed a large hand on your stomach, pressing you back down onto the desk. “I’m not done.” He growled, his low voice vibrating against you.
“Riki, -slow down-fuck!” You babbled, barely coherent, tears pricking your eyes, completely at the mercy of his tongue. “I-I can’t.”
“You can.” He said, alternating between soft languid licks to harsh sucks, savoring you. “You will.”
You looked down at the lewd sight below, at Riki’s mouth working between your thighs, tongue fucking into you, his eyes glazed over in a pussy drunk haze.
A hot coil of pleasure tightened tighter and tighter in your stomach as you watched him devour you, thighs shaking with built up tension. “Riki!” You whimpered, clutching his hair, spurring him on more. “Riki, I think I’m gonna-“
“Do it.” He commanded roughly. “Come for me.”
The coil snapped and you came crashing hard, screaming Riki’s name into your hand, legs shaking. He slowed, never stopping, greedily lapping up everything your body gave him. He pulled back, lips shining with your arousal, admiring how swollen and puffy your pussy lips got for him. He gave your clit a gentle kiss as if thanking it, making you jolt at the overstimulation. He slowly rose, coming face to face with you.
“Fuck, that was beautiful.” He whispered, kissing you slowly. “You okay?”
You nodded frantically, still shaking with aftershocks, clutching onto him for balance. He tilted head at you, just watching you recover before muttering, “good.” He caught your lips in another deep kiss, laying you down against the polished wood of your desk.
He straightened out, undoing his belt and shoving his jeans down just past his hips. His cock spring out, flushed and throbbing, precum leaking from his tip. You froze, staring at it wide eyed as your throat went dry.
“That’s..that’s too big..” you whispered timidly. “Riki, that won’t fit.”
“It’ll fit, pretty girl.” He whispered, kissing your temple, gently spreading your legs back open. “You can take it.”
He gave himself a few strokes before guiding his tip toward your entrance. He kissed your lips softly to distract you as he pushed in, the stretch immediately feeling like he was splitting you open.
You threw your head back eyes screwed shut, a pained sob tore out from your throat at the burn. “Shhhh.” Riki pressed his forehead to yours, peppering you lips and cheeks with kisses to distract you. “You’re doing so good, baby breathe. I know it hurts. Relax.”
His hand reached between you, finding your clit, rubbing slow precise circles. You let out a slow shakey breath, relaxing under his touch as he breached you slowly, face contorting in pleasure. “Fuck…you’re-you’re really fucking tight.” He let out a breathy overwhelmed laugh. “You’re not a virgin, are you?”
You shook your head, still holding onto him for dear life. He clenched his jaw, using all of his willpower to not slam into your pulsing cunt, pushing in another inch. “C’mon pretty, almost there. Take all of me.” He groaned out, his voice tight with restraint. “You can do that for me, right?”
You nodded frantically, clawing at his shoulders. He finally bottomed out with a groan. You let out a strangled moan at the feeling of being impossibly full, breathing through the pain as it faded into pure pleasure. Riki stilled, letting you get used to his size. “You did it.” He panted, eyes dark with pride. “My perfect girl.”
“Riki.” You whimpered. “I need you to move. Now.”
“Still so greedy.” He cooed, slowly rocking his hips into you. “Look at me.” He ordered quietly. You forced your eyes open, looking at him through your lashes, completely fucked out already.
“Shit.” He moaned, “you’re fucking stunning like this.” He pulled out slowly before slamming into you, his patience snapping.
You screamed, body arching with pleasure as you clawed at his back, his shoulders, desperate to grab onto something. He set a punishing pace, fucking you like he hated you, gripping your hips tight, dragging you back onto his cock, every time you bucked away overwhelmed.
“Stop running. You’re mine now.” He growled in your ear, hips snapping into you. “Say it. Say you’re mine.”
“Yours!” You whined out, the breath knocked out of you with every thrust. “I’m yours, Riki!”
“Yeah you are.” He muttered in satisfaction, grabbing onto your top yanking it up along with your bra, letting your tits spill out with a bounce, harshly grabbing them. “No one gets to see you like this.” He panted. “Only me, yeah?”
“No one,” you sobbed, head completely empty save for the ecstasy Riki was giving you. “Only you!”
“Fuck, look at you.” He groaned, gripping your tits, kneading them roughly. “Sucking me in like you were made for me. You love being stuffed full of my cock like a stupid little sleeve, don’t you? Say it.”
“I love it!” You babbled out, mind hazy. “I’m gonna-“
“No you’re not.” He snarled, hips snapping sharp against your ass. “Not until I say you can.”
You grit your teeth, doing your best to hold back, tears falling freely as you chanted his name over and over again.
“Ran your smart little mouth all semester.” He muttered cruelly, thrusting deep enough to hit your cervix. “And look at you now. Didn’t think I’d be the one to fuck you stupid did you?”
You shook your head, unable to speak, embarrassingly loud moans pouring out of you. Riki’s eyes raked down your body, eyes darkening when he saw a faint swell in your belly. “Oh, fuck.”His palm slid down your torso, pressing firm on your belly. You gasped, feeling every inch of his cock dragging against your walls.
“Feel that, pretty?” He rasped. “That’s me. Feel how deep I am?” You nodded, sobbing, trembling around him. “Nobody gets to fuck you like this. You hear me? Only me.” He muttered, hips stuttering.
“I can’t-“ you hiccuped. “I can’t hold it anymore!”
“Cum then.” He ordered. “Now!”
And you came, screaming his name as you clenched around him, seeing white, ears ringing. Riki fucked you through it, not even giving you a chance to breath.
“Riki?” You gasped, lip trembling. “Slow down-ah! Too much!”
“Don’t care.” He muttered, grabbing your hips with both hands, lifting them clean off of the desk, leaving you helpless as he fucked you half suspended. “You’re gonna fucking take it. And you’re gonna cum again.”
The overstimulation bordered on pain as you screamed out, legs shaking, gushing around him. His eyes widened thrusting into you sloppily, without any rhythm. You felt him twitch inside of you. Without much thought, you wrapped your legs tight around him, pulling him in tighter.
He came after you, shouting your name, spilling hot white streams into you. He fell onto you, burying his face into your shoulder as he tried to catch his breath, holding you through your tremors. You closed your eyes, shaking, feeling deeply exhausted, thoroughly used, and unmistakably wanted. You never thought sex could be anything but painful and humiliating. But not with Riki. Fresh tears pooled in your eyes.
Finally, he pulled out and lifted himself off of you, supporting himself on his arms. His eyes softened immediately, seeing your tears. “Hey baby.” He whispered, wiping your cheek. “You okay?”
You couldn’t say anything, couldn’t form words. So you held up a thumbs up. He smiled, kissing your nose. “Didn’t hurt you too bad, did I?”
You shook your head, trying to push yourself up. An immediate soreness hit your body. Your arms gave out underneath you.
He chuckled, reaching over you into his bag, fishing out a water bottle, cracking it open and holding your head up to drink. You took a few small sips but he shook his head.
“Drink more.” He murmured. “You screamed a lot.”You let out a soft, embarrassed laugh.
He stared at you, like you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. And you were. Laying under him fucked stupid, giggling and breathless. Exactly the version of you that plagued his mind since that night at the bar. “There she is.” He whispered, in pure awe. “Fuck I’ve been dying to see you all messy for me like this.”
“Hm?” You looked up at him confused.
“C’mon.” He murmured, gently pulling you up, careful not to jostle you too much. He fixed your top carefully, grabbing your coat and wrapping you in it. “You’re coming home with me tonight.”
You bit your lip, not wanting to be a burden. “No, it’s okay you don’t have to-“
“Don’t fight me on this.”
Too exhausted to argue, you let him carry you out of your office, down the halls out of the building to his car. The drive to his flat was long, even in the emptying wet roads. He kept his hand on you the entire time, gently stroking your thighs over the tattered tights. When you got his apartment, he carried you into the bathroom.
“You know you don’t have to carry me everywhere.” You mumbled into his chest.
“Of course I do.” He carefully placed you on the toilet seat. “You’re precious.” He shrugged like it was the most normal most obvious thing in the world. Yet it made your heart flutter.
With painstaking care he pulled off your body, piece by piece. “You ripped my tights.” You pouted as he pulled the mangled nylon down your legs.
He rolled his eyes. “I’ll buy you more.” He kissed your cheek. “As many as you want.” After undressing himself he helped you into the shower. He gently washed away every ache and kissing every bruise as an apology.
Once you both were clean, he carried you into bed, not bothering with clothes. He covered both you with the thick duvet and pulled you into his chest, with a content sigh.
You laid there skin to skin, listening to his heart beat a deep exhaustion washing over you. But questions plagued your mind. Now what? Is this it? Are you guys friends now? If you tell him that you still have feelings for him will he be weirded out? Would he kick you out?
“Hey.” He whispered, looking down at you. “Look at me.”
“Hm?”
“I hope you know that I meant what I said.” He said, keeping his face completely serious.
“About what?” You mumbled.
“Everything. About being in love with you.” He replied, his voice calm, but his heart beat faster against your cheek. You felt his hold on you tighten. “I don’t want this to be a one time thing. I want you to be mine.”
Your chest swelled with relief, with joy, anxiety. But..the good kind.
Love. That is such a strong word. One which in all your 18 fast paced years of studying you never fully understood the meaning of. But in this moment, it’s the only one that fits. In this quiet bedroom, enveloping the two of you wasn’t lust, or fear, it was love. Or at least, it’s feeble beginnings.
You craned your neck, pressing a lazy kiss to his jaw. “Okay.” You whispered, voice too thick with emotion. “I’m yours. Let’s try.”
He pulled you closer, kissing you slow and deep. You could feel him smile against your lips, letting out a soft, relieved sigh. “Go to sleep. I got you, pretty girl.”
You knew he did. The irony didn’t fail to make you giggle softly. You’re tangled up in bed, in the arms of your worst former student. You drifted to sleep feeling utterly safe, cherished and loved.
Epilogue
“Okay.” You hummed thoughtfully, thumbing through the pages of a textbook. “Okay found it, look. The Moon Shot is a literalized metaphor. George Melies took the saying ‘eye of the observer’ literally and actually but the rocket in the moon’s-Are you even listening?” You looked up at Riki with an exasperated sigh.
He was sprawled out on his bed chin in hand, eyes shining adoration. “Hm?”
“Riki!” You sighed. “You’re not gonna pass Film History at this rate.”
“It’s not my fault my tutor’s too pretty.” He mumbled. “It’s distracting.”
“Ew.” You rolled your eyes, barely containing a smile. “But seriously, you have one semester left. How are you planning on passing if you’re not even doing the reading?”
He grinned. “Same way I did last time. Seduce the professor.”
“Dr. Cabret is a very handsome man.” You turned to the next page. “And he like’s them a little stupid.”
Riki sat up, raising his brow. “Telling me to get with a man and calling me stupid in one breath is wild.” He scoffed, highly offended. “In my shirt, nonetheless.”
“It’s my shirt now, since you tore mine from seam to seam.” You said calmly, reading through the section, absentmindedly fixing the hem to cover your bare legs. “So are you going to listen or not?”
“Yeah, yeah,” he quickly moved to sit text to you, looking at the book over your shoulder. “Sorry.”
“Anyways, so Melies is using a visual gag as a jab toward the Victorian Elite by-“ you felt a pair of arms snake around your waist and a chin rest on your shoulder. “Riki.” You gave a warning, trying hard not to smile at his antics.
“I’m listening, go ahead.” He murmured, pressing a soft kiss against your jaw, your neck, then your cheek.
You took a deep breath, trying to keep your resolve. “-by showing how we ‘hurt’ the moon with the rocket-hey!” You squealed as Riki fell back, pulling you down with him.
He trapped you in his arms, peppering your face in kisses. You broke into delighted giggles. “Stop that tickles!” You didn’t make any attempt to stop him, your studious resolve breaking, leaving only affection in its place.
“Studying can wait.” He murmured against your cheek pressing another loud kiss to it. “I can’t.”
“Fine.” You grinned, melting into his embrace. “But we have to finish tonight.”
“Oh we will.” He smirked against your skin.
“You’re disgusting.” You laughed, hiding your burning face in his shoulder. 4 months together officially and he still makes you fluster like a kid.
“Yeah but you still love me.”
You rolled your eyes. “I do. Unfortunately.”
He chuckled, finally calming against your temple. “I love when you’re like this. All soft and warm.” He murmured softly.
“Oh but you don’t like me when I’m on your ass about your homework?” You teased.
“No I do. Even then.” He pulled you tighter.
You laid there in a comfortable quiet, kissing, talking and enjoying each other in Riki’s apartment. He was sharing stories of difficult artists from his dance studio, you were gossiping about faculty, together you discussed Ria’s incoming fashion showcase in which she is forcing both of you to walk because your body types ‘match her aesthetic.’ As you were both coming down a laugh, Riki pulled you in tighter.
“Baby.” He murmured. “Are you happy?”
You pulled away to look at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean with me.” He said, his voice quiet, like he needed a confirmation. Seeing him like that made you ready to do anything for him.
“Yes I am.” You buried your face in his chest. “Completely, perfectly and incandescently happy.”
He smiled, relaxing against you as he pressed his lips against yours in a slow sweet kiss. Suddenly he pulled away, eyebrow raised. “Wait, did you just quote Pride and Prejudice at me?”
You broke into a laugh. “See? You did learn something.”
He shook his head with a smirk. “You’re a fucking nerd you know that?”
You pressed a lazy kiss to his jaw as he pulled the covers over you. “I know. And you love it.”
He pulled you in tighter, hands slipping under the shirt just to rest on the small of you back, to feel the warmth of your skin. “Obviously. That’s the version of you I fell in love with.”
END
Muse: YJW (Teaser)
Don’t meet your heroes.
They’ll always disappoint you.
Don’t meet your idols.
They’ll never let you go.
When a cover dancer meets her favorite celebrity, the dynamic of fan and idol flips dangerously.
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psycho!won x fan!reader, psychological horror
Part 1 here
Part 2 here
Part 3 here
Part 4 here
Part 5 coming soon
Muse: YJW
(Part IV)
Don’t meet your heroes.
They’ll always disappoint you.
Don’t meet your idols.
They’ll never let you go.
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psychological horror,
WC: 11.6k
DISCLAIMER: this is for entertainment purposes only this does not reflect my opinion on any mentioned characters
Content Warnings: psycho fanboy Jungwon, manipulation, intimidation, stalking, obsession, gaslighting, imprisonment, kidnapping, use of the word sasaeng as a description, tracking, isolation, blackmailing, overworking, Jungwon overall is not a good person here, honestly neither is reader. Reader is gullible and it will piss you off, that is intentional, threats on career, escape, depression, Stockholm syndrome, Lima syndrome, mutual (kinda) pining, forced affection, happy ending if you squint
NSFW Content Warnings: SMUT MDNI, DubCon and a lot of it (everything is consensual), p in v, unprotected sex (pls don’t), cream pie (DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME), mirror kink, recording, masturbation, oral sex (f. rec), forced kissing (1) aftercare mentioned but not detailed
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
You woke up the next day, exhausted. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes. Yesterday was just a dream. Right? you thought to yourself, slowly standing up. Yeah. Just a very realistic wet dream that’s all. You stretched, feeling your tensest muscles give way to full relaxation. You dressed and made it downstairs where Jungwon was busy making coffee.
He looked up at you with a friendly smile. “Oh hey!” He slid a cup of coffee across the island. “How did you sleep?”
You stared at him, still trying to decide whether last night was a dream or not. But how would you confirm? You can’t just ask Hey Jungwon, did you fingerblast me last night by any chance? so what were you supposed to do?
“I..fine..” you mumbled taking the cup. “Thanks.”
You took a good look at him. He didn’t seem any different. Maybe last night was a dream after all. Of course. Any other explanation would be absurd.
“So um..” you hesitantly set the mug down. “About last night..”
“What about last night?” He looked up innocently.
Your mouth clamped shut. “Nevermind. So why are we up so late?”
“Oh, we’ll be a couple hours late, I called in.” He replied, checking his phone. “You were pretty tired last night so I didn’t want to bother you.” He gave a cheeky smile. “I’m also using you as an excuse to not come in earlier.”
You let out a relieved chuckle. “Thanks.” So it was a dream. Right?
At least that’s how the coming week felt like. Dance practice and after hour training was still the same, Jungwon was still strict at work and friendly at home. Nothing seemed to have changed. Jungwon never brought it up, never even hinted at it, so neither did you.
It’s been a full week from that night, and you largely forgot the dream. It didn’t bother you much anymore, except for when Jungwon was fixing your form and you would burn red.
One Saturday morning you woke up later than you expected. Your alarm never went off. “FUCK.” You hissed jumping out of bed throwing on whatever practice clothes you found and sprinted down the stairs. “I’M SORRY I’M SORRY!” You shouted, looking for Jungwon downstairs. “I KNOW I SLEPT IN I’M-uh…” you froze mid step.
Jungwon stared at you in confusion, pouring coffee still in his pj’s. “What happened?” He asked. “What are you late for?”
“Uh..practice?” You replied, furrowing your brow. “We were supposed to leave at 8?”
“Oh.” Jungwon smiled shaking his head. “No we don’t. I cleared our schedules we’re taking the weekend off.” Relief flooded through you.
“Oh thank God. Why?” You asked, voice a lot calmer as you dropped your bag back on the ground. “Did something happen?”
“Yeah I caught the flu and so did you.” He raised his brow conspiratorially. This grown man is really pretending to be sick?
“Wow.” You teased. “The leader of Enhypen, is skipping practice? Never took you for the type.”
He chuckled. “I guess you can say I’m full of surprises. So what do you do on time off?”
“Dance.” You deadpanned.
Jungwon’s brow furrowed. “Really? Even when you aren’t working?” He pushed mug of white coffee to you.
“Yeah, dancing’s my life.” You shrugged, thanking him silently as you took a sip. Jungwon stared at you blankly for a moment. “What?” You asked. “Was that the wrong answer?”
“After breakfast.” Jungwon said deep in thought. “I want to show you something. I think you’ll like it!” He gave you an excited grin.
Once the kitchen island was cleared he led you upstairs to your floor. “I thought you said you don’t use this floor.” You said as he rounded a corner.
“Much.” He corrected. “I said I don’t use it much.”
He led you to a practice room right in the penthouse. You stared in awe. It was massive, with three mirrored walls, floor to ceiling windows and a very expensive looking sound system. “So you’re telling me,” you said slowly. “We could have trained here this whole time, and then go right to bed?”
He laughed. “I’ll be so honest, I forget about this room all the time.”
You rolled your eyes at the excuse. “You just wanted to keep to yourself.”
“It’s my house!” He exclaimed, “I have a right to hide things!”
You giggled. “So what are we doing in here?”
“Well..” he looked at you through one of the mirrored walls as he made his way to the sound system. “I am your mentor, but let’s be honest. You’re one hell of a talented dancer and choreographer.”
Your ears tinged pink at the compliment. “Thank you Jungwon.”
“And so, I don’t really give you the opportunity to showcase it much.” He continued, setting up his phone to the system. “I want you to teach me something.”
Your brows shot into your hairline. “You’re a fully trained idol, Jungwon. What could you learn from a backup dancer?”
He chuckled, approaching you. “Plenty. C’mon” he took your wrist leading you to the center of the room. “You’re the mentor today.”
“Is this why we took the weekend off?” You laughed nervously.
“Maybe.” He grinned. “C’mon just teach me one dance! Please?”
“Fine.” You relented. “Uhh….” You thought hard about all of your old choreos. “What about Mood, by DPR Ian?”
“Sure,” he shrugged with small nod. “Teach me whatever you want!”
Your entire body thrummed with excitement. It has been so long since you’ve even had energy to dance anything other than what Jungwon required, you were ready to stretch your wings. You were so damn tired of the same old choreos and techniques, time to teach the tyrant a thing or two.
“Don’t expect me to go easy on you.” You only half joked, cracking your neck in preparation.
—-
You spent the next three hours painstakingly teaching Jungwon the moves, maneuvers and nuances of the choreography. And you were not a kind teacher.
“How do you feel?” You smirked, dabbing at the sweat on you neck delicately with a towel.
Jungwon was hunched over, hands on his knees, wheezing. “Like I’m about to die.” He smiled through the pain.
“You’ll be fine.” You said cruelly. “Now get up, c’mon. Final run through.”
He groaned dramatically. “Yes ‘senior.’”
You chuckled, queuing the music. You were enjoying this new power a little too much, the tension of the past week irrelevant to you know. You joined him in the center of the floor, winking at him in the mirror.
“Mito…”
Suddenly you transformed. There was so joking smirks or taunts. The only things that existed in the moment were you, the music, and the graceful body next to you. Nothing mattered in that moment but the dance that you were putting your entire soul into.
“Color in My Moods, No blues”
Your body seemed to move on its own, transitioning from sharp pops and footwork to slow, graceful arching moves.
“I don’t assume that you knew, that I miss you when it’s quiet..”
You grabbed Jungwon’s hand guiding him closer to you, strictly for the dance, of course. But the way he looked at you when you adjusted his position nearly broke you out of your dance trance. With a sharp sigh you pushed the rushing blood to your cheeks and continued, transitioning into the slow, smooth dramatic bridge. Your favorite part.
“As we’re drowing in the deepest seas
Bring down your sirens, I’ll give you all of me”
Jungwon, ever the perfect student, dipped you just as you instructed, though his hands lingered on your waist a bit too long. His eyes bored into yours a little too passionately. GODDAMNIT PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER YOU STUPID FANGIRL IDIOT Your face flamed but you didn’t correct him. You just held his wrist tighter and led him into the final chorus, a mix of drama, energy, and technique.
“I don’t assume that you knew,”
You suddenly remembered his suggestion to always expect the unexpected. So you grabbed his face and pulled him in, resting your forehead against his, during a slow, dramatic dip.
“That I miss you when it’s quiet”
His breath came out shakey, fanning against your cheek. You whispered. “You better not fucking drop me I swear to God.”
His eyes widened and an astonished giggle bubbled in this throat. “What?”
“Nothing.” You grinned, smacking his arm as he lifted you out of the dip. “Focus!”
“Right!” He hissed, falling back into tempo.
“Oh it’s true, I want you
To tell me if I’m lying…”
The final guitar strums of the song faded as you held the ending pose with Jungwon, breathing hard. The moment the room went silent you burst into relieved laughter.
“So,” you giggled wiping a tear. “Waddya think?”
“I think it was perfect!” Jungwon chuckled stepping closer. “You’re so talented.”
“Haha thanks,” you mumbled, a blush at the compliment reaching your ears. “You know, coming from you it really means a lot.”
“Does it really?” He asked softly, gently taking your arm. He gazed into your eyes with that warm intensity that weakened your knees as the energy in the room shifted to something thicker, heavier and sweeter.
“You’re so talented.” He whispered, his voice lower and sweeter. “And you’re so perfect.”
He wrapped his fingers around your jaw, pulling you closer, and pressed his lips to yours. Your eyes fluttered shut as the world ceased to exist in that very moment. The only thing you could feel is the racing of your heart, and the softness of Jungwon’s lips moving against yours. He pressed a hand against the back of your neck, angling you as he deepened the kiss. You clung to him, your fingers tangling in his hair. You mind was just…mush. A pile of panic and bliss. You found yourself kissing back.
Pulling back for air, Jungwon’s eyes locked on to yours as he whispered a quiet,
“I want you.”
Your eyes widened as your stomach did an excited leap. Your heart thundered harder in your chest. “Huh?” You breathed out, your face burning. “Here?”
“Yes.” He said softly, pulling your face back in. “Right here.”
He recaptured your lips, angling your jaw with almost aching carefulness. Without a second thought you responded, your heart screaming your mind silent and blank. Your hands clutched the front of his hoodie, pulling him close. His hands mapped your body, trailing your sides, your hips, till his fingers met the hem of your sweater.
He pulled away, his hands still gripping your hips as he whispered a soft “Can I?..”
You nodded shakily, lifting your arms as he pulled the hoodie up and off you, leaving you in a sports bra. Jungwon’s eyes devoured you, drinking in every detail of your skin. You shook under his touch, feeling a heady thrill of being exposed and admired.
“Fuck you’re gorgeous.” He whispered, pulling you flush against him, kissing his way down from your lips to the hollow of your throat. You shut your eyes, butterflies exploding in your stomach as you clutched onto his hoodie.
“Fuck-Jungwon!” You gasped when he nipped the sensitive spot on your neck. A light sting bloomed on your skin before fading into a humming warmth.
He smiled against your skin, taking you with him to the floor. “Shhh. You’re fine.” He whispered, laying you down. “Let me just look at you.”
His eyes were intense, hungry but warm. His hands were sure but gentle, as he caressed your body. Your face burned as a warm heat, his touch leaving paths of fire down your sides. “You have no idea how fucking perfect you look right now.” He murmured, pressing his face against your neck. “So pretty spread out under me.”
“Jungwon,” you whispered, your body humming with impatience as you clutched at his shoulders. “Please.”
“Patience, pretty.” He murmured, pressing a quick kiss to your temple as his hands made work of your sweatpants. His hands shook with an unexplainable reverence and excitement as he peeled your pants down your hips along with your panties. He sighed in approval as he pushed your legs open.
“Such a pretty pussy..” he murmured mostly to himself, leaning in.
Your head swam with so many thought and emotions it turned into a blur. How is this real? You closed your eyes in bliss and disbelief. Is this even reality? Am I really this lucky? Are Jungwon and I really about to…
Your thoughts were answered by a warm wet pressure between your legs. You gasped and bucked hard. Jungwon smiled against your wet skin, holding your thighs open and in place. He looked up at you, his eyes glazed with playfulness and heat.
“So wet.” He purred, lowering his head. “And I barely even touched you.” His breath ghosted against your heat.
Your eyes widened, breath hitching in your throat as Jungwon licked a few broad stripes against your seam. His eyes rolled back in pleasure at the taste of you on his tongue. “Fuck.” He whispered shakily, pressing a kiss to your inner thigh before wrapping his lips around your clit. You cried out as he sucked relentlessly, thrashing your head back against the hardwood of the practice room. Pleasure, heat, and embarrassment flooded you as you grabbed his hair, not sure if you wanted to pull him away or pull him closer. So you let go, letting your hands hover in confusion instead.
Suddenly his hand shot out and grasped your wrist, bringing your hand down to his hair. “Keep pulling.” He breathed into your soaked skin. “I like it.”
You grabbed a fist full of his hair, your thighs clamping around his head as his tongue worked between your legs. You gasped and cried, your body betraying your desires as you bucked and ground your hips against his face, arching into him.
“Jungwon…” you whimpered as the tight coil of heat pulled tighter in your belly. “Jungwon please I’m gonna-“
“Do it.” He whispered against your skin. “Come for me.”
The coil snapped. You squeezed your eyes shut, letting out a choked wail as you shook. Jungwon worked you through it, not stopping until you pushed his head away, begging and hiccuping. He rose, pupils blown, lips shiny with you.
“Shhh.” He cooed, leaning over you, coming nose to nose. “You did so good.”
His lips captured yours again, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. You didn’t care. You grabbed onto his hoodie desperately yanking him close as his fingers stroked your folds, making your hips buck into his hand. He chuckled at you. “I love how responsive you are, angel.” He leaned back. “But I’m tired of playing.”
He kneeled above you between your knees, the only sound in the room being your ragged shaking breaths and the telltale clinking of Jungwon’s buckle. You trembled in anticipation. His cock sprang out, hot, hard and glistening with precum. You raised your self up on your elbows, in excitement and nerves. For someone as cute as him he was fucking huge. You slowly looked back at him. He had a look in his eye that was half pride half heat.
“Don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you.” He smiled that beautiful disarming smile as he lined up. Your breath hitched as he nudged against your entrance. His soft smile turned into a smirk. “Much.” He bottomed out in one tortuously slow thrust. His head slumped down against your collarbone as he let out a broken moan.
“Jungwon wait-“ You let out a pained gasp digging your fingers into his shoulders. “Fuck!”
“You’re okay.” He whispered softly, gently kissing your temple. He pressed his forehead against yours, gazing into your eyes. “Fuck, angel you feel so good. Just feel me. You’re okay.”
Slowly, he began to move, grinding his hips in a painfully slow rhythm, watching your face, stroking your hair until he felt you soften under his touch. Your pained whines melted into soft pleasured moans, your hands clutching at him not with pain but with need.
“Please Jungwon..” you whined.
“Please what, baby?” He asked, voice strained and muffled by your shoulder. “Use your words.”
“Please..more!” You begged, tears of pleasure and embarrassment streaking your cheeks. “I..I need more!”
“Okay.” He smiled against your collarbone, giving you a playful nip. “Okay baby.” Jungwon pulled out, slowly, cruelly and slammed back into you, forcing a loud shameless moan out of you. He held you tight against him, gazing into your eyes, swallowing your moans and cries with his lips.
“Look.” He groaned, taking your chin and tilting your head to the side, turning your gaze to the mirrored wall. “Look at how pretty you are when you take me. You see that?” He maneuvred your head to the other side to stare at the other mirror. “Tell me what you see.” He commanded.
“I-sh-it..” you whined incoherently, watching Jungwon take you in a powerful, passionate rhythm. The sight alone made your walls flutter around him. “I..I see you on me!”
“Yeah?” He smirked. “Look at how pretty you are taking me. Tell me how pretty you look. Say it!”
“Jungwon..” you blushed hard, at the forced self affirmation. “I-“
“Say. It.”
“I’m..I’m pretty!” You whimpered.
The praises and commands scrambled your mind in a haze of ecstasy as a second, tighter coil threatened to break. You screamed his name.
“Not yet, angel.” He whispered, his voice rough and barely restrained. “Not yet.”
“Please!” You begged but the words barely left you mouth in a squeak, your voice too hoarse to speak. “Please I’m so close!”
“I told you. Don’t come yet.” He thrusted harder. “And you’re going to listen, aren’t you?”
“I…” you shut your eyes, gritting your teeth in restraint but the pressure was becoming to much, to tight. Your walls squeezed around him. “Jungwon please!” You begged, tears streaming down your face as the pleasure mounted.
“Use your words, pretty.” He muttered, his own thrusts becoming uneven and frantic. “What do you want?”
“I want to come!” You begged, all dignity stripped. “Please Jungwon let me come, please!”
“Come then.” He commanded in your ear, low and rasped. “Right now!”
You clenched around him, screaming and shaking as you milked him dry. Jungwon threw his head back with a loud almost pained moan as he emptied himself into you, riding out your joint orgasm thrust after thrust. Finally, he fell against your shaking spent body, burying his face in your neck as his shuddering breaths evened out. He rolled off of you, pulling you into his chest, tucking your head under his chin.
“You okay?” He asked softly, his voice rough from exhaustion. He gently smoothed your hair down. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?” He pulled away to look at you, with soft warm eyes. They were filled with lingering heat and soft concern.
You shook your head and buried your face in his chest. “No, I’m okay.” You whispered shakily. “I’m okay Jungwon.” In the haze of your exhaustion, you strained your head up, pressing a lazy kiss to his jaw before settling back into his arms.
He relaxed against you, pulling you in for a tight, sweet embrace. He kissed the top of your head softly “You were so good for me, beautiful.” He gently pulled away, finding your waterbottle and a towel. “Careful. Slow sips.” He whispered tenderly, holding the bottle to your lips. “Don’t rush.” Carefully, with featherlight touches he wiped you clean. Once you were clean and watered he settled on the floor again, pulling you into his arms. “Rest.” He said softly, eyes brimming with genuine warmth. He cradled you against his chest. “You’re safe. I promise.”
- -
The next morning, you woke up sore, soft, and not in your own bed. You sat up carefully. “Ah..” you hissed at the ache in your lower belly. You knew exactly where you were. You were in Jungwon’s room, tucked into carefully into his bed, wearing his T-shirt. Memories of last night flooded your mind. That was no dream.
“Fuck..” you whispered, burying your now burning face in your hands. Your stomach flipped with excitement, fluster, fear for your career, and the unmistakeable dread of the question. What now? Was he going to pretend nothing happened? Did he expect you to do the same?
The familiar scent of your favorite white coffee hit your nose. You rose from the bed, making your way downstairs, not nothing changing.
Jungwon was making pancakes, dressed in a soft looking sweater. He was glowing. A soft serene smile graced his face. He looked up at you. He smiled a soft pink dusting his cheek. “You’re awake.”
“Yeah.” You replied quietly, awkwardly taking your place at the counter, the cool of the stool soothing against your flushed sensitive skin.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, sliding you a cup of coffee, just the way you like it, and a plate of pancakes and fresh fruit. “Not too sore, are you?”
“No, not too bad.” You whispered, taking a slow sip deep in thought.
“My manager called this morning.” He said conversationally, setting a second plate next to you. “Apparently an intern messed up the dates on the tour poster can you believe it?” He chuckled, sitting next to you. “Apparently the execs threw a huge fit. Manager Kim said that one of the shareholders screamed so hard he turned purple.” He suddenly looked at you, soft smile playing on his lips, a confused expectant look in his eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked quietly. “If I was too rough, I can-“
“It’s not that.” You said, staring into your cup. Your stomach turned at the rising question. “It’s just I don’t know what to make of all this.”
His smile faltered slightly. “What do you mean?”
You hesitated. “Well..where do we go from here? Are we ignoring that last night happened? Do I move out? What does this mean for us?” You rambled. “I just don’t know what’s next. And more importantly, why?”
Jungwon’s faltered smile fell completely, replaced instead with a look of pure fear and hesitation. “I thought it was obvious.” He said, his voice barely audible, eyes me
“What?” You asked, exasperated at his reaction. “Could you tell me what’s going on? I feel like there is something that I’m not in on, why have things gotten so complicated-”
“I like you.” He blurted out quietly. Your words died in your throat. His eyes finally met yours, filled with such earnest nervousness your heart squeezed in your chest. His cheeks flushed a soft pink as he spoke. “I know it’s not professional, but... I don’t know, just having you nearby felt right.” He pursed his lips, as if fighting the words back. “To be honest I’ve had a crush on you moved in, you’re just so pretty and so kind.” He watched your face with a soft shaking breath. You couldn’t speak. You couldn’t breathe. The only sound in your head was the rapid victory roll of your heart. This can’t be real. I can’t be this lucky. He shook his head softly. “Sorry. I’m sorry if I made it weird I shouldn’t have said anything, I just-“
“Jungwon.” You finally found your voice, your flush surpassing his own as your stomach did a happy flip. “I feel the same way.” You murmured shyly. “I like you too.”
He stared at you, as if processing what you just said. A slow relieved smile crept up on his face. Wordlessly, he pulled you into his chest. “Thank God.” He whispered into your hair. “I was so scared to tell you, I thought you’d say no.”
“How could I say no, Jungwon?” You giggled shakily. You pulled away to look at him. “I’ve liked you for three years.”
“Being your bias doesn’t count.” He teased, but his eyes remained soft and warm.
“It does to me.” You replied.
Jungwon paused, as if really looking at you. Then shyly, carefully he tilted your chin up, pulling you into a sweet kiss. Everything felt right. You got your bias. It was a dream come true.
—-
The next couple months were bliss. Jungwon was a much more affectionate boyfriend than you could have ever thought, though you kept your relationship under wraps. Practice with him was still tough, but at least now he didn’t push you to your absolute limits. He would check on you, especially during your one on one sessions, that were now moved to the private studio at home.
“Again.” Jungwon said, restarting the chorus. “You have to speed up on that transition, angel. I can’t stress that enough.”
You huffed, forcing yourself to stand up and taking position. He took his position beside you, keeping his eyes on your form in the mirror as you both danced. Your muscles screamed you were exhausted but any time you slumped, Jungwon would call out an encouragement. You hit the final pose with a heaved pant. As soon as the music stopped you kneeled down on the ground, catching your breath.
Jungwon paused the audio. “Perfect.” He turned to you, kneeling on your level taking your hand in his. “Are you okay, baby?” He asked softly, brushing your hair out of your face.
You nodded with a tired smile. “Yeah I’m fine.” You replied. “But keep it up and you’ll have to carry me back.”
He chuckled. “And when has that ever been a problem?” He asked, scooping you into his arms, carrying you out of the practice room to the living room, nearly tripping over himself as he ran.
“Jungwon!” You shrieked laughing, clutching on so you don’t fall. “What about practice?”
“Practice ends early today.” He announces happily. “We’re ordering pizza and watching that show you like until we pass out.”
“Sounds like a plan.” You giggle, as he drops you onto the couch, tucking you into his side with a sigh and pressing a quick kiss to your temple. He pulled out his phone to order as you pulled the show up on the TV. And there you stayed with Jungwon’s head on your shoulder, as he held your waist, his thumb drawing circles on your hip.
“Jungwon.” You called softly.
“Hm?” He looked over at you. You answered by stealing a quick kiss. He chuckled, his eyes shining, his cheeks turning a soft pink as he pulled you in by the chin, pressing a longer, softer kiss to your lips.
But his care didn’t only exist in the confines of your home. He made sure to make time for both of you, buying you gifts, taking you on dates, weekend trips, but your favorite were the spontaneous adventures you’d take when you’d be bored, random parks, aquariums, carnivals, finding ways to keep eachother entertained in any situation.
And of course, when night fell, Jungwon was the perfect lover. He was gentle but so passionate, prioritizing your pleasure. He loved to whisper praises into your ears, holding you close as he went slow and deep. He made you feel so loved, so cherished, but dammit so tired. Soon, sleeping in his bed made more sense than sleeping in yours.
The day you said “I love you” was a pure accident. You were arguing about the plot of a movie.
“He was definitely in the wrong!” He exclaimed.
“Jungwon, he had to save his country.” you argued.
“Yeah, but choosing between a country and your wife?” Jungwon huffed. “Personally I’d never let that slide, I would have just let the country get taken over.”
“Jungwon, I love you, but you’d never be in that situation so you can’t really compare.” You replied, crossing your arms. Jungwon went silent. You looked up at him. “What?”
His expression was one of complete, frozen shock as color creeped rapidly into his cheeks. “Jungwon are you okay?” You asked concerned. You pressed a palm to his forehead. He took your hand, kissing it instead.
“I love you too.” He whispered against your hand. Now it was your turn to freeze and blush.
“I-I didn’t mean to say it out loud.” You stammered, looking away, but before you can make an excuse he pulled you into his arms.
“No it’s okay.” He murmured into your hair. “Don’t ever be scared to tell me how you feel.”
Life felt perfect.
The tour was only a mere 5 weeks away. You were nervous, beyond words. Even with all of the practices with Jungwon, and all of the experience you had with Engenue, debuting on a stadium stage with KORA and Enhypen at once scared you.
“You’re going to do great, baby.” Jungwon promised, pressing a hand to your back as the choreographer did final checks. “Trust me.” You smiled at him gratefully.
That evening, you decided to sort through some belongings, seeing what you’d need to pack for multiple months on the road. As you ruffled through your closet, a small toy fell out of a box. You picked it up with a soft reminiscing smile. You remembered the small stuffed bat Jungwon gave you, the first gift he had ever given you the first time you met in that masterclass. This little bat comforted you through the worst times, through the break in, through all the pain and exhaustion of being a trainee. You ranted at it whenever manager Kim was on your ass or the higher ups tried to get involved in your creative process. This little plushy was your anchor for-what the fuck?
You felt a small hard lump under its neck. How did you never notice it before? Furrowing your brows, you turned the plushy over a few times in your hands, trying to find a zipper or a seam to figure out what the mystery lump is. Then you saw it. Within its left eye was a tiny pinpoint red light. Barely visible. Oh God..
Your stomach turned, your skin clammed over as the realization hit you. The “lucky” ticket wins. The “Taste” album. The break in. The way he knew all of your tastes and preferences wasn’t coincidence. It was surveillance. Your hands shook as you clutched the plushy, your mind racing a mile a minute. What does this mean? It was just a joke right? That plushy was in your home. In LA. That means Jungwon must’ve-
“I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out.”
The plushy tumbled out of your hands as your head whipped toward the doorway. Jungwon stood there, leaning against the frame, arms crossed. He didn’t look mad. Or scared. Or caught for that matter. He looked completely normal, like he was asking you what you wanted for dinner. He looked like just Jungwon. And that made everything 10 times worse.
“You..” you sputtered, not being able to find your voice. “You…you watched me…”
“Yep.” He nodded, not even a hint of remorse in his eyes.
“And the-“
“Tickets?” Jungwon smiled softly as if remembering a fond memory. “Yeah. I made sure you got them.”
Tears of horror filled your eyes. “And you were…you were the sasaeng weren’t you? You broke into my dorm.”
His smile faded into a look that almost looked like remorse. “And I hated doing that to you. But I needed to, so that you’d understand where you’d be safest. With me.”
“No, I..I was just a fan!” You murmured, shaking your head. “I’m just a fan! This isn-“
He cut you off with a soft chuckle, eyes shining. “So was I.”
You stared at him in horror, taking a shaking step back. “You’re a monster.” You mustered out. “You’re a fucking psychopath!”
“I don’t see what the big deal is babe.” He gave you that same warm disarming smile that now terrified you. “You already know that I love you. I just loved you a little longer than you thought.”
Nothing and everything made sense all at once. Everything felt like a lie. Everything was a lie. Every moment that made you think that Jungwon was your soulmates? They were all forced by his hand. He knew you. But it wasn’t because of intuition. It was because he watched you. In your home. In your sleep. He claimed to love you yet his love took away your autonomy. He was the stalker. The stalker who loves is the most dangerous kind.
The sasaeng.
“It’s okay.” Jungwon said softly, walking toward you, arms outstretched. “I know it’s a lot to take in. Come here.”
You recoiled sharply, dodging his touch. “No don’t touch me!” You shouted.
“Babe.” He furrowed his brows as if your reaction made no sense.
“Stay away from me!” You backed up.
“No.” He sighed, reaching for your waist.
You shoved him hard, sprinting for the door. You raced down the stairs, heart thudding in your ears. I have to get out of here. your mind raced. I have to go! The moment your hand stretched to the elevator button felt like hope. You slammed the button, repeatedly as you heard him shout your name and the sound of his thudding steps from the stairs.
“Come on, come on, come on!” You whimpered in frustration slamming the button. Dammit, if only there was another exit. But no. Just the elevator.
Suddenly, a strong arm snapped around your waist hauling you back.
“No!” You screamed, thrashing, hitting, kicking. “Let me go! You psycho!”
“No, I can’t.” He murmured in your ear, holding you tight against your chest. “It’s dangerous out there. Where are you gonna go? Hm?”
“Get off of me!” You screamed in frustration as he carried you up the stairs. You strained to look at the elevator, your only out, shrink out of view as Jungwon rounded the corner. You tried biting, kicking, punching, but he took every hit silently, calmly, like it didn’t feel like anything. “Let me go you monster!”
“No. You belong here.” He replied, carrying you into his bedroom. He gingerly set you on the ground. “With me.”
You tried to shove past him, tried to run. He grabbed your arm, pinning you against the door. “Let me go.” You hissed through tears. “You’re a sick bastard!”
“Angel-“ he started.
“No!” You yelled. “Don’t call me that! You don’t get to call me that after you spent the last fucking year keeping me in fear of my own shadow! You’re a freak! You let me believe you loved me for what? Some sick fantasy? You’re fucking sick! No, don’t touch me-“
Jungwon kissed you hard. You screamed muffled out protests against his mouth, punching his chest. He grabbed your hands, pinning them against the wall. He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.
“You love me.” He whispered, his eyes wild, brimming with tears. “You said you love me, remember? You want me too, don’t you?”
“No!” You choked out, shaking your head. “No!”
“You can’t live without me.” He continued. “And you know I can’t live without you, don’t you? Everything I did, all the lies, all the secrets it was all for you! It was all so you would choose me! So you’d love me the same way I love you!”
“This isn’t love!” You sobbed out. “This is obsession, Jungwon!”
“It’s both.” He clutched your hands tighter, eyes boring into yours. “It’s both angel, which is exactly why I can’t let you leave.”
You hate this. You hate him. You hate that in the last 2 years he planned everything right and it worked. You hated that he was your only source of comfort now. You hate that that’s all you need. In a fit of rage, fear and a desperate need to forget, you lunged forward. You crashed your lips against his, tears of hatred streaming down your cheeks as your body sought comfort in the only place it knew. Him.
Jungwon froze for a moment, as if hesitating, before grabbing your face harshly and kissing you back just as hard. This kiss was nothing like the sweet gentle kisses you’ve shared before. It tasted like fear, anger and obsession, a messy clash of tongues and teeth.
“You’re not leaving.” He muttered against your lips as he yanked your body flush against his. “Not now. Not ever.”
Jugwon grabbed your hips walking you back until your knees hit the bed that you’ve been sharing the past few months. You fell back, clutching Jungwon’s hoodie, your fingers curling into the fabric desperate for some grip on reality. Jungwon pushed his tongue into your mouth, angling your face to kiss you deeper, rougher.
“I hate you.” You muttered into the kiss, tears streaming down your face. “You’re a monster.”
“I know, angel. That’s why I need you to keep me human.” He breathed against your lips, straightening up to yank his hoodie off. “And now that you know that, there’s no point in me holding back.”
Jungwon’d lips found your again as his hands made work of your pants, nearly tearing them off your body, leaving you in your panties as you continue to spit hatred at him. He slotted himself between your legs, pinning you to the mattress.
“You’re insane.” You snarled through your tears. “You’ll never get away with this! I’ll never let that happen.”
“You say that..” Jungwon smirked, reaching down, cupping your heat, finding you completely soaked, your body betraying your mind. You gasped, bucking into his hand. “But your body is more honest than your words could ever be.” He tore the panties off your body, tossing away the torn lace in a mangled heap, his head diving between your legs. The moment his tongue ran through your slit, you threw your head back.
Your gasped in anger, pleasure, and frustration. Frustration that you couldn’t bring yourself to stop him. Your legs instead wrapped around him, your fingers tangling into the sheets as you cried out. Yet you couldn’t let him go. Even in this he was different. He wasn’t just savoring you. He was consuming you.
“Fuck you!” You gasped, your walls clenching as Jungwon plunged his tongue into your entrance. Your legs squeezed around his head as your breath came in short hitches, a twisted heat coiling in your stomach.
Jungwon grabbed your thighs, pinning your legs to your chest, dipping his head down again. He sucked your clit into his mouth harshly, lashing his tongue against it. The silence of the room was filled with your angry pants melting into choked moans and the insistent sound of Jungwon’s tongue working between your legs.
“Jungwon!” You cried out, the coil in your stomach tightening painfully. “Jungwon please!”
You didn’t even know what you were begging for, for mercy, escape, or more. Jungwom seemingly decided for you, his fingers plunging into you, curling cruelly as he continued to devour you. Your legs shook as the orgasm crashed over you. You screamed, your vision whiting out before you slumped. But Jungwon didn’t stop. He gripped your thighs hard enough to leave marks as he greedily lapped up everything your body offered.
“Wait!” You gasped, hips bucking against his mouth. “Too much! I..I already came!” Jungwon didn’t stop, determined to take in every last drop of your essence. “I said I came!” You cried out.
Jungwon stilled, slowly lifting his head. You stared at him, your heart racing with heat, fear, and the absolute tragedy of the one man you trusted tricking you like this, holding you hostage in the only place you felt safe. “I know you did.” He whispered. “That doesn’t mean you’re done.”
He rose to his knees, keeping an eye on you as if waiting you to bolt as he undid his belt and pulled his pants down. He reached out to you, his own voice choked with a possessive need.
“Come here.” He murmured, grabbing your hips and dragging you to him, pulling your hips up onto his lap, leaving your back on the bed hip lifted and exposed.
You yelped as you were yanked onto him. He leaned over you, supporting his weight on his hand, braced by your head. You glared at him, breath hitching. You hated him. But fuck. He was so beautiful even when you knew he was still a monster, your eyes, your heart didn’t recognize him as that yet.
“You know how much I love you, don’t you?” He whispered, softly, leaning in to kiss the tears off your cheeks, the move so tender in this situation it was jarring. He pressed himself against your entrance, slowly rubbing himself against your slit, sending sparks up your spine. “I love you so much, my angel. Only mine.” He breathed against your lips.
“I’ll never be yours.” You hissed, though your back arched against him. “I fucking hate you.”
You tried to control your quickened breathing, half from fear, half from desire. “I hate you..” you whispered into his mouth, weakly attempting to shove his chest. Didn’t do much, only gave you a feel of how strong he really was.
“Oh?” He cocked his head amusedly, shifting his weight over you. “What was that?” He pinned your hands above your head with expert ease, the same way he did thousands of times before.
“I said I fucking hate you.” You hissed, finding more strength in your voice. “I hate you, Yang Jungwon, I hate you!”
“Shit. Baby..” He sighed his head lolling back for just a second before snapping his head toward you again, peering at you through his soft brown locks with a soft plead. “Say it again but slowly. I love it when you lie to me.”
“This isn’t love.” You whimpered, biting back a moan as he ground against you. “This is obsession-fuck!” You threw your head back fighting the urge to melt into him completely, as he slowly rubbed his head against your folds.
“You’re wrong. I already told you.” He whispered. “It’s both.” He leaned down, his free hand grabbing your tits over your tank, giving them a squeeze as he sank his teeth into the sensitive cord of your neck.
“Fuck…Jungwon!” You sobbed when he easily found your sweet spot.
“Still hate me?” He whispered. You nodded, your body betraying you with a weak buck of you hips.
With a soft growl he rose off you, pulling you both into a sitting position. He stared at the thin silk of my tank top. “Take it off.” He commanded. You glared back. He pulled you in by the nape of you neck so that your foreheads touched.
“Off, I said.” You flinched at the familiar cold sound of his “mentor” voice. “Or I’ll do it myself.”
With a shuddering breath you pulled the silk cami off, your tits immediately perking up at the cold. He stared, absolutely enamored. “Fuck, I needed you like this for so long.” He breathed. “And now I finally got you.”
He wrapped his arms around your bare back and pulled you in. He took one of your nipple between his lips and sucked hard, his tongue flicking across the sensitive peak. “You’re everything.” He murmured, abandoning your tits to crash his lips against yours.
With that he flipped you on your stomach, yanking your hips up, using your arms as a lever to hold you up and arch your back. You yelped at the painful pull of your shoulders.
“Did I pull you?” Jungwon asked softly, stroking your hip. “Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to.” That simple phrase shook you to the core. He sounded so much like the boy you fell in love with. The one you miss. The one that probably didn’t exist.
But that left as soon as it went, once he lined himself up and slowly, painfully slowly, pushed into you inch by inch with a loud groan. You screamed into the pillow, the stretch and pleasure so intense you saw black dots in your vision.
“Shit.” He panted, still only half way in. “I thought my fingers would have stretched you out a least a little…you’re always so tight for me baby. Just relax. Let me in.”
You could only whimper in response, your walls fluttering as he pushed in deeper, slower. “Won…it’s…it’s a lot!”
“I know.” His hips halted their slow path as he leaned down so your shoulder blades were flush against his chest. He pressed his lips into the shell of your ear. “I know it hurts. But it’s yours.” He whispered.
With that, he fully slammed himself into me in one powerful thrust. He completely bottomed out, his hips flush against yours. You screamed, the feeling of being completely filled spreading through you like fire. Your head swam and your heart pounded in your ears, your fingers curling tightly around his that held my hands.
“Won..” You begged as he slowly pulled out, strong hands holding yours hips up. “It’s too much- please, i can’t..”
“You’re really…shit…” he panted. “…you feel so good.” Then you heard the smirk in his voice. “Now I can enjoy fully breaking you in. Properly this time. Making your pretty little pussy perfect for me, the way it should be.” His hips came forward in another forgiving snap, the force enough to jolt you forward. “And you’re going to take it.”
"Ah, fuck!" I whimpered, body clenching hard around him. "Please. Slow down!" Your muscles shook so hard you barely were unable to stay upright. Jungwon locked his arms around your waist, taking all of your weight into himself.
“No, you’re gonna take what’s yours.” He rasped, pulling out agonizingly slow before slamming into you again so powerfully your vision blurred. “Take it..” he muttered under his breath, digging his nails into the plush of your hips. “Fucking take it, take it!”
Your mind when blank, zeroing in on only him, the feel of him inside you. “Jungwon!” You cried out like a mantra.
That only gave him more motivation to go faster gripping your waist as his hips drill into yours. He expertly finds your sweet spot and starts thrusting straight into it.
“Jungwon...Right there." Your body betrayed you as pleasure overtook the pain. You became a moaning mess, wanting more, regardless of how deep he went. “Please!”
"You want it that much? That's my angel. Beg for more. I wanna hear how much you want my cock." he stilled completely, taunting you. “Say it! Say you want more!”
"I want more Won! Please!" You pleaded.
"Who do you belong to?" he went a little faster, but never enough. "I wanna hear you say it!"
"You! I'm yours, Jungwon please!" You begged, grinding into his hips for more of him.
"Shit! Yes. You're mine. Just like you’re supposed to be.” Jungwon sped up and thrusting harder and uneven, leaving you a crying and moaning mess.
He then leans in to your ear and whimpers out a soft "I love you so much my angel. You’re my everything, just you. Only mine. I can’t breathe without you." He plants a soft kiss on your cheek and then shifts his focus back on you and his rhythm speeds up again.
"I'm...almost...almost there." You whined barely getting out the words.
“Come for me baby.” He groaned out, his own orgasm climbing fast. “Give me everything.”
You came hard, screaming his name as he drilled into you. He came inside you with a loud yell of your name before slumping against your back. As he caught his breath he rolled off of you, pulling your exhausted trembling body against his chest.
“Rest, my angel.” He whispered softly into your hair. “I got you. You’re so safe, baby. I love you so much.”
Your eyes, exhausted from the sex and the panic and the tears, drifted shut as the most dangerous man in your life cradled you to sleep.
——
You jolted awake in the middle of the night, from a nightmare you couldn’t remember. You felt Jungwon’s arm snake around your waist. In sheer self preserving instinct, you kept your eyes closed as his hand gently caressed your waist in his sleep. Your heart raced in your chest but couldn’t. You couldn’t let him know you were awake. You couldn’t startle him awake either. You tried to slowly move away, to put some distance, but then you felt it. He was still inside you. Jungwon stirred. Horrified, frustrated tears filled your eyes but you forced them to stay shut.
“There you are.” He whispered softly, pulling you closer. “You’re so beautiful when you’re asleep. So soft, so sweet so mine. You have no idea how happy I am with you.” He gave a self deprecating chuckle. “Honestly, you are the only one that still makes me want to breathe. To be human. I know the way I love is strange. But it’s real. I just want you to love me back.”
Tears streaked down your closed eyes as you kept your mouth shut and your body as relaxed as possible. Jungwon shifted behind you, softly, worshipfully kissing your neck, cheek, your temple, murmuring about how much he loved you, how much you meant to him. Then he pressed his lips against the shell of your ear.
“I know you aren’t sleeping, angel.” He whispered. Your heart froze in your chest as you forced yourself to choke back a horrified sob. “It’s okay, baby. I’m not mad. We’ll talk in the morning.”
You felt stuck. Helpless. And that’s exactly what you were. You had walked into the trap blindly. And then turned the key yourself. You were too scared to fall asleep. You couldn’t.
The next morning you woke up in his bed just as you knew you would. But it didn’t feel safe anymore. You heard the shower in the bathroom hissing. This might be your only chance. You crept out of the bed. Throwing on the clothes from last night as quickly and silently as you could, you snuck out of the room. You ran to the elevator, phone already in hand to call Ria, Manager Kim, anyone. But there was no one. The only saved number was Jungwon’s. And any memorized number you tried notified that you’ve been blocked. Tears welled in your eyes as the walls of the trap closed in on your mind. Freedom, normal life, everything that wasn’t Jungwon was slipping away from you. You made it to the elevator door frantically punching in the code.
Access Denied.
You bit your lip, punching the code in again.
Access Denied.
“No.” You breathed. “No, no, no, no-“
Access Denied.
“C’mon!” You whisper panicked, punching the code again as you heard the shower shut off.
You considered the balcony for a moment, but no, that drop isn’t survivable. You tried the code again.
“I changed the code.” Jungwon said behind you, voice devoid of any anger or tension. “So you can stop trying.”
You whipped around to see him dressed in a fresh t shirt and sweats, towel still draped around his neck. He looked completely casual, so domestic, like he wasn’t the monster from your nightmares that kept you hostage. The fear and anger slumped together into a hopeless exhaustion.
You blinked away exhausted frustrated tears. “Please just let me leave.”
“No.” He said, sauntering over, grasping you firmly by the chin. You flinched from his touch, but he was insistent. He wiped your tears away from your cheeks. “We need to have a little talk about our future, baby.”
He walked you to your usual seat at the counter, the smell of white coffee that used to be so comforting was now cloying. He slides a mug across the counter for you, the way he did every day. You stared into it, stomach turning. It was made just the way you like it. But the sentiment died. You knew that he didn’t know because of intuition. But because of the data he stole from you.
“Don’t worry.” He said softly, leaning against his elbows to hold your hands. “Not much is going to change. I still love you, you still love me, and now we can be honest with eachother.”
You wrenched your hands back staring into the counter. “I want to leave.” You whispered. “I want to break up with you, Jungwon.”
Jungwon stared at you before bursting into melodic laughter. “No!” He giggled wiping a stray tear like you just said the funniest joke on planet Earth. “Did you really think it’s going to be that easy?”
“You can’t keep me here forever!” You shouted, shoving the coffee cup away.
“Sure I can.” He replied smoothly. “You’re mine, angel. I decide what’s right for you, where your place is. And it’s here. By me.”
“What of the tour, hm?” You asked. “I’ll leave. I’ll escape during the first stop, you’ll never see me again.”
“You won’t.” He replied, his eyes hardened. “The world can watch you. But only I can have you. You’ll stay by me and you’ll be good.”
“Why should I?” You spat, the words coming out like poison. “You have been killing me for the past two years, why would I listen to a monster? ”
“Because.” His eyes met yours. He leaned closer, looming over you. You shrunk back, heart thudding as you felt a cold wave of fear crash over you. “If you don’t, I’ll ruin your career. You’ll be back to just dancing covers in some random studio. Then I’ll just come by, scoop you up, and be your hero again. You can’t escape me, angel. The faster you accept that, the easier it will be for you to accept our new normal.”
“There’s..there’s nothing normal about this, you monster!” You sputtered. “I’ll call the police, I’ll call the press, I’ll tell everyone you were the one who-“
“And who’s going to believe you?” He asked, tilting his head. “It’s your word against mine and baby I love you, but the public isn’t going to believe a backup dancer over a global idol.” He raised his brow at you, as if what you said was completely unreasonable. “No one’s coming to save you.”
Your hands painfully clenched at your sides. “I hate you.” You let out a choked whisper. “I’m going to end you.”
“No, you won’t.” He smiled softly. “You’re going to behave. You will stay with me during the tour, you’ll stay with me here, and we’re going to be happy together.”
“I could never be happy with someone like you!” You leaned away, hopping out of your seat. “If you did love me you’d let me go!”
“I’ll liquidate KORA.”
Your stomach dropped at the mention of your team. “What?”
“You try to run, or you try to tell someone about our love, if you misbehave, I’ll start replacing your KORA teammates with new dancers one by one. Starting from Ria, ending with Annie.” He tilted his head, a look of concern gracing his face. “I just want to protect our love, angel.”
The more he talked, the less you heard. He was erasing everything. Anyone that could help you was far, or out of reach, and unfortunately, he was right. Nobody would believe you. Your eyes cast down at the counter, the fight ebbing from your bones leaving you in a heap of complete unwilling surrender. You were stuck. The cage is closed.
- - -
Possibly the scariest thing about being imprisoned by Jungwon was the fact that his personality barely changed. He still made coffee every morning, just the way you like it, he worked you to the bone during one on one practice, and then cared for you until you slept. He still held your hand, kissed you, slept in the same bed and held you close. But it wasn’t comforting anymore. It felt suffocating, like every time he touched you he was closing in on you. You took the affection because it was forced upon you. And you returned it simply out of survival instinct. Keep the monster happy and he won’t destroy your loved ones.
Jungwon, now not hiding anything, made sure you knew exactly how much you belonged to him. He kept you under lock and key, not giving you the passcode to the elevator or any door. Unless it was with him, you didn’t leave the pent house. You were stuck in that damn pent house, wondering if you’d ever see your friends again. Jungwon no longer hid his obsessive tendencies. You saw every hidden camera, every glare of a lense like a shackle. Every hug felt like prison, every “I love you” felt like a threat.
Anywhere you went he kept you by his side, death grip on your wrist. There was nothing in your world but Jungwon. Soon, you began fading, shrinking as the hope of escape, the hope of freedom became feeble. And Jungwon? Jungwon preferred it that way for now. He tried to keep your mood up, feeding you your favorite meals, lavishing you with gifts, taking you on beautiful trips, whispering love confessions in your ear as he held you in his arms, pressing soft kisses to your lips, cheeks temples. It was everything you could have ever dreamed of. But at what cost? The cost of your sanity, your freedom, and autonomy. You were beginning to cave.
“It’s good you’re giving up.” He murmured one day, holding you close as you laid in bed. “Soon, you’ll forget about the outside world and then we’ll finally be happy. I’ll lay the world at your feet.”
“I..” you whispered. “I don’t want this. I don’t want to forget.”
“But you will.” He replied, his grip tightening. “The world is too dangerous, angel. You won’t survive in it without me.”
You laid in silence. You had nothing to say to him. All you wanted was home. But amongst the gifts, the sweet words, and the shackles, your only home now was in Jungwon’s captivity.
Even when you were in a practice room full of Enhypen members and KORA teammates, you had never felt so alone. Jungwon barely let anyone look at you let alone talk to you. But one day, an escape, a revelation came from an unexpected place.
Within the entertainment building, Jungwon walked hand in hand with you, whispering about all the beautiful places he’d take you on tour. Just the two of you. You just nodded along, face downcast. Jungwon knew that you weren’t happy. And that stung. But for now it’s fine as long as you’re his. He will work the rest of his life to make you happy, to make you want to stay. He was okay with you hating him for a bit if that means you’ll love him in the long run.
Suddenly, Jay rounded the corner, approaching the two of you with a grace face. You flinched away, trying to quickly hide your despair behind a fake smile.
“Senior!” You greeted.
“Hello!” He gave you a friendly smile. “So sorry to bother your conversation.” He turned to Jungwon. “You got a second? I just need to talk to you.” His eyes flicked to you. “Alone.”
“Sure hyung, one sec.” He smiled before turning to you. “Wait here. I won’t be long okay?” He said softly, but his eyes gave a warning. *Don’t do anything stupid.*
“Okay.” you whispered. “I’ll wait out here.”
As Jay led Jungwon away into a private room you felt a slight buzz against your wrist. It was a “gift” from Jungwon, a tracker disguised as a bracelet. The buzz was a message from him. *behave.*
You felt stuck in your own skin. If you run, there’s no guarantee you’ll make it out fast enough. If you tell someone, KORA’s future is in danger. But if you stay put…if you stay put you will stay forever. With a shakey sigh you lean against the door that Jay and Jungwon had disappeared into.
“Oh-“ you let out a soft gasp as the door gave way. It wasn’t fully shut. You caught yourself in time, but the sudden sound from the room drew your attention. Jay and Jungwon were arguing. You peaked into the gap.
“What the hell did you do to her?” Jay hissed accusingly, pacing in front of Jungwon. “Look at me. What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.” Jungwon replied coldly, refusing to look up. “She’s fine.”
“Don’t give me that.” Jay retorted. “You know damn well that that’s a lie. She’s not fine, and she’s stopped being fine since she moved in with you.”
“Don’t you have other things to worry about other than my personal life, hyung?” Jungwon snapped, crossing his arms defensively. “I told you, we’re okay. She’s happy with me.”
“She’s terrified of you!” Jay argued, stepping directly into Jungwon’s line of sight. “You’re my best friend. I know you.” He continued quietly. “And I know you weren’t normal about her for a long time. You think I don’t see how she flinches from you? Or how you keep her by your side 24/7?”
“It’s for her own good.” Jungwon said through gritted teeth, like he was trying to convince himself. “I’m keeping her safe. I’m keeping her happy.”
“Jungwon. I’m not stupid.” Jay said sternly. “If you wanted to date her you should have done it properly. I don’t know how far you took this obsession of yours but it needs to stop. Let her breathe.”
“It’s not obsession hyung.” Jungwon defended himself. “I love her. We love eachother.”
“You’re destroying her!” Jay snapped. “That’s not love! You’re trying to fit her in a box, you can’t do that, she’s a human being! You can’t reduce her to your needs, that’s not love! She’s staying because she’s scared. What you’re doing is wrong!”
“I KNOW. YOU THINK I LIKE SEEING HER SCARED?.” Jungwon shouted desperately, sharp enough to make you flinch. He hung his head, as if defeated. “I know. I know hyung.” He continued softly, his voice broken and pathetic. “But I can’t help it. I can’t let her go.”
“Jungwon.” Jay said, the bite in his voice gone as he sat next to Jungwon, placing a hand on his shoulder. “If you really loved her that much, you should have gone about it another way.”
“I should have. I fucked up.” Jungwon rubbed his face, like he was exhausted of himself. “I know did. I should have just asked her out like a normal person. I love her, hyung. I really do. But..” He let out a shakey sigh. “But this is the only way I know to love. I’m scared that if I don’t keep her like this, then she’ll leave.”
Jay listened to Jungwon, brow furrowed in concern. “You’re keeping her by force?” He asked softly.
“Yeah. I know. I’m fucked in the head.” Jungwon scoffed at himself. “And I don’t deserve her. I see the way she looks at me. I know she’s scared of me and I hate the fact that I’m the cause of her fear. But if she leaves, I won’t be able to function. I love her.” Jungwon finally looked at Jay, for the first time he was stripped bare. “I can’t live without her hyung. And I hate that I’m like this. But I can’t lose her. Honestly, she’s the only thing that matters to me now. She’s everything to me.” A tear, maybe of regret, maybe of fear welled in his eye. “I’ll die without her, hyung. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to her. But I’m not letting her go. I can’t.”
“Jungwon, that’s selfish.” Jay said, his voice soft but firm.
“No. It’s love. It’s my version of it.” He replied. “It’s the only way I know, messed up or not. I’ll die for her. Happily. But if I don’t know she’s nearby, I’ll break.” He buried his face in his hands. “I should have gone about it the right way. I’m so fucking stupid.”
Your breath hitched at the sound of that. To hear Jungwon lay it all bear like that was not something you thought you’d ever hear. He looked so scared to lose you. He knows his love might kill you both, but he is willing to do everything he can to keep you by his side. You were his tether to reality. And that left you with a horrible feeling, worse than fear, helplessness, or anger.
Satisfaction.
This means that while he is controlling your autonomy, you have power over his psyche. And watching him weep over the thought of losing you made you feel so wanted. So needed. So worshipped. You couldn’t wait to see how far you can push this new power over him.
Stop.
You froze at your own thought. Your eyes widened in horror at yourself. You’re finding satisfaction in the power you now have to break him. You like that he thinks of you this way.
You’re becoming just as bad as he is.
“No.” You whispered shakily. “No, this is going to kill both of us.” You stepped back. This is your only chance to save not only you from him, but him from you. You have to go.
Sure there are cameras. But you can only hope that by the time he sees them, you’re gone.
I’m leaving him to save him. You thought to yourself, heart suddenly heavy but determined as you turned and sprinted out of the building. You hailed a taxi and jumped in, telling the driver to take you to the airport. As he drove you looked out of the window, heart filled with a new kind of heavy aching dread. I’m doing this for us.
As you ran up to the terminal, you looked at your bracelet. The 100th day anniversary gift. It felt like so long ago, that you were actually Jungwon’s girlfriend. The thought hit you with a bitter pang. You didn’t want to part with it. But you couldn’t risk it.
With shaking hands, you took the bracelet off dropping it to the ground. Staring at it with a final heartaching sigh, you stomped on it. Mourning the loss of your love as quickly as you could, you pushed the feeling down and went to the kiosk.
- - -
“Don’t mention this conversation to her, hyung.” Jungwon said, wiping his eye, forcing himself to calm down. “For her sake don’t say anything, it will only hurt her more. I’ll figure it out.”
Jay furrowed his brow. “Jungwon, you-“
“I know.” He cut him off, his gaze tired. “I’ll figure out a way to fix it. I just need to think for a bit.”
Jungwon stepped out of the room into the hallway. “Hey baby, sorry it took so long-“ he scanned the hallway. You weren’t there. “Baby?” He furrowed his brow, walking turning his head left and right , checking where you went. With a cold sinking feeling in his chest, he walked down the halls checking the empty rooms, calling your name. “Babe?”he called frantically, his voice trembling with each empty room he found. “Where are you?”
With shaking hands he pulled out his phone, dialling your number. The line rang but then went to voicemail. He tried again, his breathing quickening with panic. “Please pick up.” He whispered into the phone, eyes widening with tears. “Please baby just pick up.”
A ringtone sounded in the hall. “Angel?” He called out in a frantic hope, running to the source of the sound. “Oh thank God, I thought you-“
He had found on the ground. You weren’t nowhere in sight. He stared at the ringing phone like it was taunting him. “No.” He muttered, his voice cracking. “No she just..she just forgot it, that’s all.” He tried to soothe himself, picking up your phone, walking down the halls calling your name.
No answer. A new dread filled his chest, so heavy it made his head spin. He slumped to the ground, fishing out his phone, opening the gps he had connected to your tracker bracelet. It was offline, the last location ping was 10 minutes ago.
Incheon Airport
The notification was like a death knell to Jungwon. His heart stopped in his chest, his blood froze in his veins. “No.” He let out a strangled sob. He shook his head frantically scrambling to his feet. “No, no, no, baby please don’t go!” He cried out, his heart thudding as he sprinted out of the building. He frantically hailed a taxi. “Incheon airport, please hurry!” He shouted.
The driver sped off as Jungwon stared at the notification, as if waiting for a new location, for any sign of life. “Please.” He mouthed, tears streaming down his face. “Please, no. It’s just a joke right? Please let it be a joke.”
The moment the taxi dropped he flew out of the vehicle, tracking the location like a sniffer dog. Then he found it. The tracker, disguised as a delicate bracelet, the gift he gave you on your 100th day together. Crushed on the ground, broken and forgotten. Jungwon’s hope didn’t fade. It crumpled.
“She left.” He whispered over the sound of his breaking heart. “You really…you really left me.” He burst into tears, falling to his knees, grabbing the bracelet, holding it tight. With a slow heavy gait, he called a taxi home. As soon as he entered the penthouse the mask shattered.
He screamed your name at the top of his lungs. He sobbed. He threw things. Anything to drown out the silence of the room when you weren’t there to fill it. He fell to the floor clutching the bracelet to his chest like a life line. “Baby I’m so sorry.” He gasped through the tears. “Baby please come back! I’m sorry!”
He laid there on the cold hardwood for a long time, holding the bracelet to his chest. “My angel.” He choked out into the empty air. “Please come back. I’ll be good.” His eyes burned as he blinked away another tear. “I’ll be good. I’ll be better, I swear. Just please come back.”
- To be continued…
@elikajinnie @jongst4rs @cherryw0n @kikizzz0 @strxwbloody @laylasbunbunny @goosemantheweeb
Muse: YJW
(Part III)
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psychological horror,
WC: 12.5K
DISCLAIMER: this is for entertainment purposes only this does not reflect my opinion on any mentioned characters
Content Warnings: psycho fanboy Jungwon, manipulation, intimidation, stalking, obsession, gaslighting, breaking and entering, use of the word sasaeng as a description, mutual pining, tracking, isolation, overworking, hitting (1 slap on leg) Jungwon overall is not a good person here, honestly neither is reader. Reader is gullible and it will piss you off, that is intentional, mutual (kinda) pining, forced affection, psychological kidnapping (coerced into staying)
NSFW Content Warnings: SMUT MDNI DubCon, no p in v yet, Voyeurism (so much of it), mirror kink, recording, masturbation (m and f), fingering, clit play, aftercare mentioned but not detailed
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
The next day, you walked into the building with a heavy weariness. You didn’t know which version of Jungwon you’d get today. You walked in, chatting with your friend Nia, Jay’s dance partner, catching Ria’s eye for a split moment. She gave you a supportive, concerned nod. You blinked in acknowledgment, eyes still sore from crying.
Jungwon walked into the room, trailed by a manager holding a tray of to go cups, looking exhausted. His eyes searched the room before he caught your eye. You watched him wearily, bracing to get yelled at, the resentment from last night a sore hum in your stomach. But he didn’t stare you down, or snap at you. He just gave you a tired half smile, a gesture of solidarity at the lack of sleep evident on both of you. You didn’t smile back.
It pissed you off. It genuinely pissed you off that while you’re trying to hate him and hold him accountable for the way he treated you, he disarms you with pretty eyes and dimples. Not this time.
“I know it’s been a long night for you guys, but we need to get this done.” Jungwon smiled brightly at the group. “Coffee’s on me.”
The crowd of Enhypen members and KORA teammates immediately gathered, taking cup with smiles and thank you’s. You hung back. You hate black coffee, so if this is his way of making it up to you, he absolutely failed. But does he even know he hurt me? you bit your lip. I can’t expect him to revolve around me.
A voice called you out of your thoughts, forcing you to up. “Hm?”
Jungwon stood before you, holding out a can. “This one’s yours.” He offered you a warm smile.
Weird. All alarms rang in your head. This is weird. Why is he being so nice?
“Just take the drink.” He chuckled, cracking the cool can open and pressing it into your hand. “You need the energy.”
You take it wearily, still hesitant about his sudden change of personality. You look down to see your favorite clean energy drink brand. You raised your brows.
“How’d you know I like this one?” You asked him flatly.
He shrugged. “I just knew you don’t like coffee.” He said with a goofy smile. “Partner’s intuition I guess.”
“Thanks?” You said suspiciously, your stomach betraying you by doing a little flip. Jerk or not, he’s still Jungwon. And he still remembered you don’t drink coffee, and went out of his way to get you something you might like. Still. What are his intentions?
“Drink up.” He chuckled, patting your head. “You need the caffeine, don’t want you crashing down in the middle of the choreo.”
“Thank-thank you…” You muttered, cheeks heating up. You quickly tossed back the drink to cool off your annoyed fluster.
The rest of the day, Jungwon was a dream of a dance partner and mentor, as if the nightmare of his cold cruelty the whole week never existed. He was back to his normal self, attentive, kind, strict but fair.
“Alright, good.” He praised you, after a particularly difficult transition. “But try to keep your knees a little bent, it will take some of the pressure off of your back.”
“O…Kay…” you mutter, fixing your form, nervously expecting him to begin berating you again.
“Anddd straighten up.” He murmured, pressing a warm hand between your shoulder blades. “Chin up.” He tapped your chin as a reminder.
You glared at him in that position, trying to gage what his next insult will be. What’s his problem now? You thought to yourself. What, suddenly him being a dictator was just a dream or something?
The entire day you braced for a yell or an insult or harsh critique that never came. During practice, he grinned at you, looking like he was enjoying every second of it.
“Great form!” He said cheerfully during the break, patting your head. He handed you an electrolyte drink. “I’m really impressed with you today, honestly.”
You hesitantly took the bottle, taking a tentative sip. “Thank you Senior.”
“C’mon.” He scoffed but his eyes were soft. “I’m just Jungwon. We’ve been partners for like 2 months now!”
“Sorry.” You replied, not fully trusting his newfound friendliness and yet, he didn’t notice your suspicion. Or he simply ignored it. You weren’t sure which one was worse. Guess you’ll just have to watch him during the mentoring session.
At the end of the joint practice session, both teams began packing up and saying goodbyes. You leaned against the wall, the cool mirror soothing your clammy skin, and took a greedy swig from your water bottle. You leaned back, knocking your head against the wall with a tired sigh.
“You look awful.” A deep voice interrupted your thoughts.
You opened one eye. “Oh gee, thanks Ni-Ki.” You muttered but a smile broke across your face. “Because that’s what every girl dreams of hearing.”
“You’re so dramatic!” He chuckled, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. “It’s fine, the worse you look in the practice room the better you’ll look onstage, right?”
“I guess that’s one way to put it.” You sighed. “So, did you watch the video I sent you?”
You stood there for a while just chatting and laughing. You like Ni-Ki. Not just as an idol, but as a friend. It’s nice to have someone to bicker with and be stupid with in a country that isn’t quite home yet.
“Alright.” You sighed, patting his shoulder. “I still have practice. You should get going you have that show appearance thing tomorrow.”
“Okay, you take care.” He said straightening up. “Don’t let Jungwon keep you here too long.”
“I’ll try!” You waved as he walked out the door.
You feel it. Eyes burning into your back with such intensity it hurt. You turned to see Jungwon, talking to a manager, but with his eyes are glued to you. You felt a shiver of dread crawl down your spine. He’s going to yell at me again. Isn’t he?
Jungwon bid goodbye to the manager as he left. The moment the door closed behind him, Jungwon turned to you. His gaze wasn’t warm and friendly, or cold and cruel. It was just..blank. He approached you slowly, not uttering a word. He’s going to hit me. He wouldn’t do that right?
When he got close he suddenly broke into a friendly smile, his eyes softening. “You ready?” He asked taking a gentle hold of your elbow.
“I-yeah.” You managed, following him to the center of the room.
And even in your one on one mentoring, the time he’d push you even harder, he was still kind.
“You’re doing great!” He shouted over the music as you ran through a high energy fast paced choreography. “Keep going! Perfect!”
—-
The whiplash between his two versions was jarring, especially the way he kept it up. For the next few days, he was the perfect senior, friendly, fair, helpful. Even when he pushed you past your limits it was now with support, not critique. The defenses you built up during your cold spat with Jungwon slowly crumbled, chipped away with his kindness day by day. It was even noticed by your friends. And they made sure to bring it up the rare moment you got to hang out at a cute bar.
“So.” Ria began, sipping on her drink. “What’s going on with Jungwon?”
“What do you mean?” You asked, stirring the ice in your glass absentmindedly.
“You know what I mean.” She replies. “One second you guys are all over each other, then you hate each other, then you guys are best friends.”
Nia leans in,eyes glinting. “Are you guys fucking?”
“Nia!” You whisper shouted, clamping your hand over her mouth. “No! What the fuck, we’re in public!” You turned to Ria with indignant eyes. “Get your cousin!”
Ria shrugged. “No. She bites. But also, she’s got a point.”
“Guys.” You deadpanned. “Do you honestly think that if I was fucking him you wouldn’t know immediately?” You bit your lip. You’ve still kept your mouth shut about the kiss.
“You’re right.” Ria said. “But still what happened?”
“Genuinely I don’t know.” You sighed. “I’m just as confused as you are. He just…has a flip switch I guess.”
—-
“Great job today. Honestly, you’re improving a lot.” Jungwon smiled, walking you to the exit. “Soon, you won’t even need mentoring you’ll just outshine me on stage.”
“Oh come on.” You scoffed, shrugging your bag on your shoulder, hiding the pink tinge on your cheeks. “That’s ridiculous, I’m just a backup dancer.”
“No, you’re more than that.” He replied softly, opening his car door for you. “Trust me. Way more.”
You rode home with him in a semi comfortable silence. It became a regular part of your schedule. Wake up, practice, mentoring, and going home with Jungwon.
You turned to him. “Senior?”
“Jungwon.” he corrected you.
“Jungwon.” You repeated. “What happened? Like…like over this week. I can’t seem to put my finger on it, but you seemed upset with me and now you’re not?”
He offered a self deprecating smile, throwing a glance in your direction. “It’s just been a stressful week. Don’t worry.”
That answer didn’t bring you any sort of comfort. But with how fragile the peace between you and Jungwon was, you decided not to press further. Not yet at least. For right now, you’re just relieved to be back on his good side.
“We’re here!” He chirped happily. “You’re home.”
“Thank you.” You said, stiffly opening the passenger door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He gave you a long blank look before smiling. “Yeah, I’ll see you then. Good night!”
The moment you made it to your dorm, exhaustion hit you like a freight train. Your limbs felt like lead as you dragged yourself to the bathroom to shower for the night. You barely had energy to wash your hair or even to put on clothing for the night. You shrugged on a tank top and a pair of panties and dropped into bed, falling into an exhausted, dreamless, much needed sleep.
—-Meanwhile—-
Jungwon sat idle in his car, just a block away, just out of view. He clutched his phone in his hands, tuned to your live feed from the bugged plushy. He watched your form intently, shifting and turning in bed. His usual trembling reverence was replaced with a calculated concentration, counting each breath you took.
“Almost.” He whispered to himself. “Almost.”
He finally had his chance. It was time for him to take on two roles as your worst nightmare and your hero. He watched your chest rise and fall, you breathing becoming slow deep and even. He smiled tenderly. “Perfect.”
Without another wasted second, he drove back to your dorm under the cover of the night. Parking his car in a hidden location, he took a deep breath. Despite his determination he shook with anticipation.
“Okay.” He told himself, staring at your darkened window. “Let’s make this quick.”
He made his way into the building. Being the leader of a global group did have its perks. he smiled to himself as he clutched a ring of dorm keys. You can make anyone owe you a favor.
Gripping the door handle with all his might he opened your dorm as quietly as he could.
He stepped into the familiar living room, taking a deep breath. The air smells
like you. Everything was exactly how he remembered it. His eyes land on your bedroom door. It’s slightly ajar, the only signs of life being soft puffing sound of your breathing. His cold concentration melted into a soft delirious affection.
“My angel..” He whispered, moving toward your room as if he was in a trance. With trembling fingers he pushed the door open to see you sleeping soundly, in a simple tank and panties, blanket half kicked off your body. His breath caught in his throat. “My beautiful girl..”
With soundless, careful steps he approached you. You looked so serene, so peaceful and so clueless. His breath hitched and he leaned down, planting his hands on either side of your head. Jungwon leaned over you, heart hammering in his chest as the smell of your skin, filled his lungs. With a shaking hand, he reaches out to gently brush a lock of hair from your forehead.
“My baby…” He let out a whisper his hand trailing from your hair to cradle your face. “It hurts so much that I need to trick you like this. But I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Okay?”
Seeing you so soft, so vulnerable wrestled with the thought of taking you away now, pulling you into his arms, abandoning the plan completely. It baffled him how he got so lucky, lucky that you’ll be entirely his soon. His hand ghosted along the line your sleeping form, your neck, waist, letting it rest on your hip, eyes widening. You were so soft under his hands. Sure it’s not like he’s never touched you, but you were always so tense and flexed under his hands, executing difficult and taxing maneuvers. But here, in your bed under the protection of the night, you were so soft. So pliant. A delusional sense of protectiveness filled Jungwon.
Soon. he thought to himself his finger tracing the seam of your panties just along your hip. Soon we won’t have to pretend that we don’t want each other. You’ll be all mine. Just mine.
In a moment of weakness, Jungwon leaned down further, pressing a soft lingering kiss to your temple. His heart surged with joy and a slight twinge of guilt.
Suddenly you shifted. He flinched back violently, yanking himself away from you. His heart stopped dead in his chest, waiting for you to wake. But you didn’t.
“Mphh.” You let a soft sound in your sleep, tossing a bit before stilling once again. Jungwon let out a silent breath of relief, and gently pulled the discarded blanket over you, snugly tucking you in.
“Okay.” He whispered, straightening up. “Now for the hard part.”
He moved through your dorm with a methodical grace. Your bedroom was the hardest. But he wasn’t worried. He’d watched you sleep through a parade of police cars passing under your window.
He carefully began opening your drawers, careful not to make a single sound. He ruffled through them, pulling things out, dropping some on the floor, placing some on your dresser. He moved to your vanity, pulling out jewelry and makeup, stealing none of it. He just left them open, looking used. He grabbed a tube lipstick, careful to choose one you never use. He’s not a monster, he won’t ruin makeup you actually like. He uncapped it and began writing on your vanity mirror. Then he went to the bathroom, leaving you a message on that mirror too.
The living room was easier. He escaped your room quietly, carefully making a mess of the space. He switched books around on your book shelf, flipped a corner of your rug, rearranged the throws pillows on your couch, left cabinets open. From his pocket he retrieved the lipstick, writing a message on the front door. Satisfied with his handiwork, he took one wistful glance at your bedroom door.
“I’m sorry, baby.” He whispered softly, carefully opening your door wide. “But I’ll make it up to you. Okay?”
He placed a chair from your kitchen in the hallway, right in front of your door, as if it was standing guard.
With a final look around your dorm, he sighed and left, making sure the front door was securely locked. He drove home, his phone turned to the live feed.
—-
The next morning, the blare of your alarm forced you awake, just like it did every day.
“Ugh.” You groaned, slapping the snooze button and stretching yourself awake. You sat up, letting your eyes open and focus.
You froze. “What the fuck?” You whispered, looking at the state of your bedroom. You could have sworn you cleaned it yesterday.
With a pit in your stomach and shakey legs, you stumbled out of bed. Your stomach sank completely.
Panic sunk in. Your room was a mess. Your underwear drawer was open and rifled through, with panties hanging off the handle, some on the floor. Your closet was rattled through, clothing strewn about. You couldn’t breathe as a horrid thought crossed your frantic mind. Was someone in here?
You tried to rationalize it. “No.” You whispered trying to comfort yourself as you began to sweat. “No that’s not possible.”
Then out of the corner of your eye you saw it. Your vanity was a mess, with makeup compacts open and spilled brushes. A smear of red was on the mirror. As you shakily approached it, your stomach turned. Your blood turned to ice. A horrified choked sob escaped your throat. On the mirror was a jagged lipstick smeared inscription.
I SEE YOU
“No..” you shook your head, stumbling back from the cryptic message as if your refusal would somehow erase it. “No this can’t be happening!” You gasped, shakily gripping your hair, trying to find anyway to ground yourself. It didn’t make sense. Was it a prank? A stalker? Were you in danger?
“I’m still dreaming.” You muttered but the terror didn’t subside. “I just need to wake up!” You ran to the bathroom, not paying attention to any of your surroundings, flinging the sink handle onto cold. After splashing your face and shocking yourself awake, you panted, wiping your face and opening your eyes. Then you screamed.
I WATCHED YOU SLEEP
Your stomach lurched in panic. You barely made it to the toilet before you vomited. Nothing but bile and fear. You ran back to your room, snatching your phone up. Then you saw your door. It was wide open, and a chair was placed in front of it. As if someone got comfortable in your own dorm.
“Someone..” you gasped for air, hiccuping. “Someone did watch me sleep, what the fuck?”
You ran through the door, stumbling over the chair, dialing the manager with shaking clammy hands that kept slipping. Your living room was in the same state of disarray as your room and your mind. And another inscription was smeared into your front door. You fell to your knees in tears, begging it to all be fake.
I’M ALWAYS WATCHING
:)
Your breath came in ragged wet gasps as you pressed the phone to your ear. You felt exposed. Violated. Someone really was in your dorm last night. Your worst fear in life came true. You had a stalker.
“Fuck this!” You screamed clutching your phone with shaking hands, calling your manager. “Hello?” You sobbed into the receiver. “Someone broke into my dorm!”
——
Jungwon watched your panic through the live feed, heart heavy. “I’m sorry, love.” He murmured. “But it’s for your own good. You’ll understand someday.” “Hello?” You sobbed into the call with your manager. “Someone broke into my dorm!”
Jungwon couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment. He was hoping you’d call him, your mentor, your partner to come go your rescue. But it’s okay, he understood. You’re a smart girl, you called the first person you knew would get you to the right authorities.
“Manager, huh?” He sighed. “It’s fine. It will just make earning you even sweeter.”
——
You were sitting in the headquarter office wrapped in a blanket with your manager, Ria, an executive, and a police officer. Your hands still shook but at least your voice didn’t as you gave your statement. The door to the office suddenly slammed open.
“I came as soon as I heard.” Jungwon marched in, looking tense and concerned. “What happened?”
“Jungwon..” you choked out, fresh tears pooling at the relief of another familiar voice. “I got…my dorm got…“
“She has a sasaeng.” Your manager intervened, finishing your sentence you. “And now her dorm has been compromised.”
“Sasaeng?” Jungwon exclaimed angrily. “What do you mean sasaeng, the dance team hasn’t even debuted yet!”
The manager shrugged sullenly. “Must be a sasaeng from when the group was under Engenue Studios.”
“And the dorms?” He asked, shakily sitting down, angry and concerned. “This means everyone else is in danger too!”
“We checked the other dorms they were secure, but..” the police officer faltered uncomfortably.
“But?” Jungwon prompted.
“There was no sign of forced entry. In fact, there was no sign of entry at all.” The police officer stared at his paper.
“So someone has the key to her place?” Jungwon said slowly, shifting in his seat. “What are you doing to protect her?”
“She’ll be staying in a hotel for now.” Your manager answered. “Until we can find her other safer accommodations.”
Jungwon shook his head. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Excuse me?”
“Do you have any idea how easy it is to break into a hotel room?” He snapped. “There’s no safety net there. You’re practically giving her to the stalker!”
You flinched. His eyes shot to you, momentarily softening. He turned to your manager. “How long till you can get a dormitory with higher security?”
“Two months at least.” She looked down at some documents in front of her. “Thats why we want to keep her in a hotel till then, we don’t really have any other option other than keeping her in the dorm she’s currently living in.”
You shuddered. “I’m not going back there.” You pleaded. “Please.”
Jungwon shook his head. “Thats unacceptable. There has to be another option.” He murmured deep in thought. The manager shrugged. Jungwon’s eyes hardened as he leaned back in his chair. “It seems like I’m more concerned for the team’s safety than you are, Manager Kim.”
“Jungwon!” The executive snapped. “You know that’s not the case! But really what else can we do?”
“You have to think of something better!” Jungwon pressed on.
“What do you suggest then?” He asked. “Do you have any ideas?”
Jungwon sighed, deep in thought. You watched his expression wearily, feeling guilty that you roped him into this. Even though you didn’t.
“My place is two stories.” Jungwon started slowly. “The penthouse. I don’t use the top floor much.” You furrowed your brow, not following.
He continued. “Security in the building is top notch. And the penthouse has a code protected private elevator.” His eyes found yours. “You can stay with me until management finds you something.”
“What?” Your stomach dropped. Living with Jungwon? After…everything? “Jungwon, no I can’t...” You replied your voice still raw from crying. “I can’t ask that of you.”
“You didn’t ask though.” He said quietly eyes warm and concerned. “I’m offering.”
You looked hesitantly at Ria, then at your manager. Ria smiled supportively. “It’s safer than the hotel, babes.” She whispered.
Manager Kim nodded. “It’s a very good idea, just do it!”
“It’s temporary.” Jungwon promised.
“I don’t know.” You sighed. “I’ll…I’ll think about it.”
- -
After the meeting, you stiffly walked through the hallway to one of the private practice room. Dancing alone usually helps you clear your head, ground you. But today, it just didn’t. No song sounded right, your movements felt stiff. It was like your body stopped listening to you. You sat against the wall with a sigh. There was a gentle knock on the door. You grabbed your keys, pepper spray in hand before calling out a tense. “Who is it?”
“It’s just me.” Jungwon peeked his head in. “I was looking for you.”
“Oh.” You slumped slightly, half in relief half in a different kind of nerves. “Hello.” The odd fluttery feeling that you always associate with Jungwon was back. “Why were you looking for me, is everything okay?”
He gave you a sad little smile, taking a seat next to you. “Well, not really.” He replied softly, handing you a bottle of water. “I’m worried about you.”
You took the bottle gratefully but shook your head. “You shouldn’t.” You whispered, cracking the cap. “You have bigger things to worry about. Like the tour.”
He gave a small half hearted scoff. “Whats a tour without my dance partner, hm?” He lightly nudged your shoulder with his own. “Have you given any thought to my offer?”
Oh. You nervously squeezed the bottle, sending ice cold droplets down your fingers. That. “I don’t know.” You shrugged. “Really, I don’t want to get in your way. I’ll just stay in the hotel until they find me permanent housing.” You attempted a comforting smile but it came out forced. You instead opted to stare at the floor.
Jungwon called your name, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Look at me.”
You dragged your eyes back to meet his. As his dance partner, you were more or less used to him touching you. But it was his eyes that always made you flush and stutter. He looked into your eyes with that warm intensity that had you hooked from day one. “Is this because of us?”
“What?” You barely managed to talk, pinned by his eyes.
“Look, I know this past week was…tense, but listen.” He leaned in closer as if telling you a very important secret. “I’d much rather you be tense and safe than at ease and in danger. Sasaengs are no joke.”
His words were terrifyingly convincing. You shuddered at the memory of your violated place. He was right, sasaengs are no joke.
“What about your privacy?” You attempted one final excuse. “I don’t want to invade that. Your home is-“
“My home has enough room and privacy ro go around.” He cut you off gently. “You’ll get the whole floor to yourself.” He gave you an encouraging little smile. That damn dimple. “Just until they find you a safe enough dorm.”
His offer was tempting. Living in a penthouse, with your ultimate bias as a roommate sounded too good to be true, yet still…
“It’s a bit unconventional.” You continued tensely, tearing away from his gaze. “You know…mentor and mentee living together.”
“Yeah I know it’s weird.” He chuckled. “But think of the benefits! You’ll be safe, we can continue mentoring, and I drop you off home anyway, saves me a trip.”
“So you wanting to have me move in is to save on gas money?” You joked.
He tilted his head. “Worth a shot, right? Come on, I’m serious. It’s really no trouble.”
Damn it. He was really making a good point. You chewed your lip until you tasted blood, weighing the pros and cons.
“Okay.” You conceded. “I’ll move in. Thank you Jungwon.”
The warm intensity in his eyes shifted to a relieved triumph. He let out a breath. “Thank God.” He smiled. “I don’t know what I’d do if you had to stay in a hotel with a stalker on the loose.”
——
After collecting your belongings with police escorts, Jungwon drove you to his residence following a truck that held all of your boxed up existence. You watched the private road with a quiet anticipation. You were about to see where Yang Jungwon himself lived, the place he called home. Under different circumstances you’d be thrilled. But this isn’t a leisurely visit to his home.
Jungwon pulled into a huge garage. “We’re home.” He smiled, hopping out of the car. “C’mon, don’t worry about the boxes, the moving men will take them. Let me show you around.” He placed a hand on your shoulder leading you away from the moving truck.
“Okay..” you said hesitantly, following him into a card accessed elevator.
You tried to be normal, you really did. But the horror of the morning paired with the fluster of the afternoon and the excitement of the evening weighed on you heavily. You were beat. You stared ahead, watching the numbers on the elevators climb higher and higher. The doors opened to reveal a huge gorgeous living room, floor to ceiling windows, leather couches, glass coffee tables. Your eyes widened. You expected it to be nice but the size of the place astounded you. It looked straight out of your Pinterest board
“Welcome in.” Jungwon said, shaking you out of your stupor. “The top floors all yours, so don’t worry about privacy. We will share a kitchen though, so unfortunately you’re subject to my cooking.” He gave a halfhearted smile.
“This place is beautiful.” You whispered in awe staring up at the high ceiling, the expensive furniture, the neat luxury of it all.
“It is!” Jungwon said, his eyes following you as you walked the living room. “And it’s also safe, so rest easy.”
——-
Once you settled in the guest room and unpacked, you plopped down on the soft mattress. The room was beautiful. It fit your needs and aesthetics perfectly. I guess we have the same tastes. you thought to yourself. Or it’s that dance partner intuition he’s always talking about.
You laid in bed staring at the ceiling trying to focus on literally anything other than the fact that your privacy was invaded. The bed was soft, the room was the right temperature, the air smelt faintly of fresh linen and jasmine. The smell reminded you of home. Not that cursed dorm, but your home in LA, where you burned linen scented candles like it was your job and kept the windows open in the summer, where the smell of your neighbor’s jasmine plants bled in through the window. It was perfect. Yet you couldn’t sleep.
You rolled onto your stomach, pulling your phone off the nightstand, dialing Ria.
“Hey girl!” She answered, her voice trying hard to sound happy and supportive . “Did you get settled yet?”
“Hey.” You sighed into the receiver, ready to vent all of your exhaustion. “Yeah, I just finished unpacking.”
——
Jungwon left his bathroom with a towel around his waist and a dark satisfaction in his chest. Finally everything was in its rightful place. He was home, the tour preparation was going great and you? You were in his home where you belonged. And soon, you’ll be in his arms.
Of course it’s nice! you let out a tired giggle. It’s a damn penthouse.
Jungwon looked up at the brand new screen he had installed just the day before, connected to 20 spy cams hidden on the top floor. The glow of the monitor glistened off of his still damp skin, casting a soft ethereal glow of his collarbones. The giant screen displayed your room from every angle, and in each shot, sprawled out on the bed was you. He took a shuddering breath, approaching his desk. He pressed his hands on the cool surface of his desk, leaning in to admire you, so close his nose almost touched the screen.
“There you are, beautiful.” He whispered. “In my home, in my bed. You’re safe.” His gaze darkened into something deep and possessive. “Safe from everyone but me.”
I mean, I feel safe, I think. you murmered. We are like 50 stories in the air. And Jungwon has been nothing but nice.
“Really?” Ria asked. “You were literally at each others throats like…what three days ago?”
“We were not.” You rolled your eyes. “It was just tension. From the stress.”
“Stress? Girl, c’mon.” Ria laughed. “You called him an asshole and considered switching partners.”
“Yeah, like I said. Stress.” You chuckled. “But honestly.” Your tone lowered to something sadder. “It felt like he’s the only one that took the threat seriously.” You sighed. “Management doesn’t give a fuck about us.”
Jungwon’s heart panged with a proprietary affection but also guilt. “I’m sorry baby.” He whispered, reaching out and caressing the image of your face on his screen. “I’m so sorry I tricked you and made you scared. But I’ll make you feel safe again once you learn your place.”
He didn’t consider what he did as evil or wrong. To him, it was an unfortunate but necessary step to get you safe. To make you his.
“Yeah. At least we got each other.” Ria replied. “And hey. Maybe living with your bias won’t be so bad after all.” She teased. “Think about it! First he was your bias, then your mentor, now you’re roommate and then who knows~” she finished in a singsong. You rolled your eyes, your cheeks tinging a soft betraying pink.
Jungwon smiled. “What are you blushing at, my angel?” He tilted his head, eyes shining. “Listen to your friend.”
“Please Ria.” You scoffed. “This is real life, not a kdrama.” You allowed yourself a shy smile. “He did stand up for me though…”
“He did!” Ria agreed.
“And he is letting me stay with him.” You murmured.
“And thats not nothing.” Ria said. “He’s worried about your safety.”
“Yeah, he’s really sticking his neck out for me.” You said, smile fading. “I feel bad, honestly. But at the same time, he makes me feel safe.”
Jungwon let out a shakey breath. “Thats right my angel..” he murmured, touched. “Tell her. Tell your friend how safe you are with me.”
“I guess he’s your knight in shining armor.” Ria joked.
You chuckled dryly, staring at the ceiling. “Yeah. My knight in shining armor.”
Jungwon felt a surge of pride spin his head and a low hum of heat low in his stomach. “Your knight in shining armor.” He smirked. “I like that.”
Once you finally bid Ria goodnight you stood, your movements heavy with lethargy.
“Oh..” Jungwon cooed, “you look so tired, love.”
You stretched, muttering a something about needing a shower, reaching for the hem of your top. Jungwon’s grip tightened on the desk. He sank into his seat, watching you intently. Finally, after months of pining and loving from a grainy plushy camera, he was watching you in full HD.
“Go on.” He urged softly, leaning forward onto his knees, his towel tenting awkwardly. “It’s just us, baby. You’re used to this, aren’t you? You’ve been looking at my poster on your walls for years. I’m just looking back.”
As you undressed for your shower, Jungwon trembled at the clear, high resolution image of your body. He remotely changed the temperature in your room to make sure you weren’t cold when you got out.
“Goodnight my sweet girl.” He gave the empty screen a kiss. “I love you.”
- -
You woke up feeling better rested than you have in a while. But the pit of fear from the danger of yesterday still sat heavy in your chest. You couldn’t help it.
The smell of coffee pulled you out of your dark thoughts as your body changed its priority from danger to breakfast. You quickly got ready, following the smell downstairs. Jungwon stood in the kitchen, looking devastatingly domestic in a dark blue sweater. He prepared breakfast set with two mugs. He looked up at you with a face that can brighten up a room.
“Oh you’re awake!” He chirped, scooting a mug towards you across the marble counter. “Good morning!”
“Good morning.” You murmured taking the cup, looking into it. “White coffee?”
“Yeah I heard about it a while back and decided to try it.” Jungwon replied, leaning against the counter.
“That’s kinda perfect.” You said taking a sip. It was exactly the way you like it. “It’s the only coffee I drink.”
“Really? That’s a coincidence.” Jungwon took thoughtful a sip. “How’d you sleep?”
“Actually pretty good.” You replied, picking up a strawberry. You looked up at him with soft eyes. “I really can’t thank you enough, Jungwon.”
He smiled into his cup. “Knowing you are okay is the only thanks I need.” He looked up at you, his warm eyes heavy with concern. “How are you holding up? You know with the whole…”
“Stalker breaking into my dorm?” you finished for him.
He winced. “Yeah.”
You smiled dryly. “I feel better after sleeping. Honestly, I never really felt safe in that dorm. It was nice to sleep somewhere where I don’t have to constantly be scared.”
“Good.” He nodded, sipping from his mug.
The polite conversation dulled into a heavy silence, the kind that demanded answers.
“Jungwon..” you started, his name feeling like cotton in your mouth as you dreaded the question that was about to leave your lips. “About last week.”
“What is it?”
“Well, you were acting kind of off all week after we danced to XO and we…” you faltered, hesitating to continue.
“And we kissed.” He finished for you as if it was normal.
“Yeah. I mean, it was unexpected but you were really cold the rest of the week.” You toyed with the handle of your mug. “Was it because you regret it? Was it really that bad?”
He sighed, giving you an amused look. “You think I’m that petty?”
You blinked. “What?”
“If you think I regret the kiss you’re wrong.” He answered. “It was perfect for the performance wasn’t it?” His eyes shone proudly. “Don’t overthink it. You did great.”
Oh. you heaved a sigh. Of course it was method. What did I expect? You tried to hide your disappointment. “And the rest of the week?”
“Oh..” He shrugged. “That wasn’t because of you. Management has been up my ass all week, I was just over it.” His smiled dropped. “That was on me. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah I didn’t appreciate it.” You joked dryly. “Next time I’ll do worse than just walk out of practice.”
“You were crazy for that.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “But don’t worry, I'm a great roommate. You deserve to have a space where you feel safe.”
“Yes I do.” You agreed.
“Listen.” He continued, his voice becoming a little more firm. “Since we’re roommates, I want you to be comfortable around me here. Here I’m just Jungwon. Okay?”
“Okay.” You nodded.
“But the moment we are at work, that changes.” His tone cooled slightly. “As far as the agency is concerned I’m your mentor. I expect my team to be perfect, especially you. So I will be going hard on you.”
You faltered slightly. It made sense in your mind, that work life balance, but you didn’t know how you’d navigate it.
“okay?” He asked, his voice softening. “I just don’t want you to get whiplash from when I’m completely different at home and work.”
“Yeah.” You murmured. “Okay.”
“Great!” He smiled. “We should get going unless you want the choreographer to tear me a new one.”
“Maybe I do.” You muttered, grabbing your bag.
“Hey!” He laughed, grabbing his keys. “Not nice!”
—-
Jungwon kept to a jarring pattern for weeks on end. Every day, like clockwork he transformed from friendly roommate to detached senior the moment you stepped through the doors. And yet, the moment you stepped back into the penthouse he turned back into sweet, caring Jungwon, who makes ramen just the way you like it and shows you 8 Reels of cats in a row. It was comforting and unnerving all at once, like the man who overworked you during the day, and the man who ensured your comfort with a patient smile at home were two different people.
The tour was set to be announced just 5 short months away. As the day loomed closer, Jungwon got stricter. He watched you like a hawk, correcting your form.
“Let’s make sure we’re extending fully, alright?” He called out to the group, zeroing in on you with a warning glance.
“He means you.” Ni-Ki teased as the team reassumed their positions.
“I know he means me.” You muttered, fixing your position.
During your after hour training he was ruthless, pushing your body past its limits every day. However he did so with a supportive smile, never allowing himself to slip into the frost from a few weeks ago.
“You’re doing great!” He clapped with a dimpled grin. “But I need you to be perfect. Let’s do It a few more times.”
“I can’t Jungwon!” You huffed, hunching over. Sweat pooled at your temple your ankles
Screamed. “My legs hurt and I can barely breathe. Can’t we just call it a night?”
“I know you’re tired.” He furrowed his brow sympathetically. “But think of this. You’re my extension on that stage. Every move you make reflects mine. I’m counting on you to be perfect. Just one more time okay?”
Jungwon is a beautiful man. With a beautiful smile. But you wanted nothing more than to punch his teeth into his face at that moment.
“Fine.” You muttered, “But this is the last one.”
After one final run through you were barely able to stand. And finally he showed mercy.
“Great job today!” He smiled proudly, patting your trembling shoulders. “Now grab your things, let's get you home.”
In the car you heaved a sigh, slumping against the cool mirror. “I’m ready to die. Send my body back to LA.” You mumbled.
He laughed brightly. “Don’t be ridiculous! C’mon we’ll order takeout tonight. My treat. How does fried chicken sound?”
You glared. He snapped back and forth between his two personas every day. You should be used to it, how he disarmed you with the promise of food and rest every single time. It was almost annoying how you couldn’t stay mad at him.
“Chicken sounds perfect.” You sighed in defeat.
- - -
The confusion of living with Jungwon was not an easy thing to carry. It’s been 3 months now, just 90 days. And yet, he had a foothold in practically every aspect of your life now. He was your very strict mentor, your demanding dance partner, sweet roommate, and on really tough nights your recovery nurse. You weren’t sure how to feel. On one hand you were ecstatic. The fact that he’s your bias, the man you’ve been obsessed with for over three years and now instead of him being on your wall you were within his, already made your heart race. But not just that. He was such a considerate host, he took you in when you were at your most vulnerable. He was a great time whenever evenings got boring, always ready to hang out or grab food. He was fun, safe “just Jungwon.”
But “just Jungwon” and Jungwon senior were two different people. He was always polite, detached, always made sure to not cross over into the meanness from 3 months ago. He was professional. But he didn’t let you leave that practice room until you were broken. And that took a different kind of toll on you.
“Jungwon please!” You begged, slumping to the floor, your body broken from hours of grueling movement. “I can’t do this anymore, I just want to go home!” Your breath hitched, tears of pain threatening to fall as you clutched your screaming calf.
“Just one more time.” He promised you with a smile. “It was almost perfect, you can do the run through perfectly for me, can’t you?”
“You said one more time 3 times ago!” You pleaded. “Jungwon I can barely move. Please!”
“Oh, I know.” He cooed, crouching to your level. “But if you did it perfectly 3 times ago we would have been home by now. It’s all in your hands.”
You glared at him through tears of exhaustion, your anger acting as a final source of power as you stood on screaming legs. Thats it. You were done.
—-
The ride home was quiet and tense. But only for you, as you fumed in the passenger seat. Jungwon was busy chatting, not even noticing your silence. You stared out of the passenger window as he talked.
“-and yeah, the host was honestly a bit weird, but I think she was just nervous. But Jay hyung sneezed and that got everyone in the studio laughing but still, I think the way she was staring at Ni-Ki was weird.” He continued cheerfully telling you about his recent interview. “Right?”
“Mhm.” You mumbled disinterestedly. You wanted nothing more than to sleep. And not talk to Jungwon for at least three days after the way he ignored your pleas for mercy.
The moment Jungwon parked you stepped out of the car with a slam and walked straight towards the elevator. He didn’t seem to notice the silence, blissfully unaware, still chatting happily. “I have to admit though, you really pulled through with that last sequence. It was a rough session, wasn’t it?“
“I’m fine.” You said flatly, not sparing him a glance.
Finally he looked up, sensing the edge in your voice. “You don’t seem fine, you alright?” He raised a brow.
“I’m tired.” You muttered, kicking off your shoes.
“I know, you worked really hard today, I’m proud of you!” He smiled broadly, lightly knocking your shoulder with his on a way that was supposed to be friendly but only irritated you. “I was thinking we could watch a movie and just order pizza-“
“I really don’t want to talk to you right now.” You cut him off limping to the stairs.
His smile faltered. He called your name hesitantly. “Aren’t you hungry?” but you didn’t look back, continuing your painful trek up the stairs and out of view. No amount of fangirl excitement or affection that you still held for him could cover your bone deep exhaustion he was responsible for.
Jungwon stared at your shut bedroom door. Shit. His stomach did an uncomfortable dreadful roll. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed so hard. He hated your silence. He feared it. He was addicted to you. He wanted your attention, your approval, your love. He was sure that the psychological fortress he built around you was sturdy. But seeing you go cold made him realize it had cracks. Your anger felt like fire under his skin, a hot searing pain of fear that he was losing you. He shook his head.
I can’t have that, baby. he thought to himself, pulling out his phone. I can’t have you freezing out my love like this. He began typing with shaking hands, blinking back welling tears. He knew he needed you for his sanity. And he knew that you needed him for safety. It was time he reminded you of that.
—-
Your eyes stung with the smell of camphor and menthol as you tried to rub feeling back into your legs. You huffed in frustration. The ointment was cooling your skin, but it didn’t provide any relief to your aching body. There as a soft knock on your door.
You didn’t have to ask who it was. You knew. You glared at the door, hoping that if you stayed quiet enough Jungwon would leave.
He called your name through your door, his voice a hesitant thread. “Are you still awake? I brought you some dinner if you’re hungry.”
You considered ignoring him, pretending to be asleep. But your stupid heart flutter the loud ass rumbling of your stomach betrayed you. You stood up on tender legs and hobbled to the door, pushing it open.
“Hey.” Jungwon smiled sheepishly holding up a bag like a peace offering. “Got you some pizza from the place you like.”
You silently took the bag, still cross at him. You were about to step back and shut the door in his face when his voice came through quiet and grounded. “I know I pushed you too hard today.”
You froze. “What?” You croaked out.
“You’re right. You were too tired” He looked up, meeting your eyes. The deep remorse in his eyes took you aback. “But you’re just such an amazing dancer, I wanted to see your potential. But I should have listened.”
“Yeah.” You replied, your voice small but tight from the lump in your throat. You placed the bag on a corner table and crossed your arms. “You should have.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” He took a hesitant step closer leaning on the doorframe, almost like he was anchoring himself to your space at least somehow. “Are you okay?”
The lump in your throat tightened with vindication and relief. “It was a lot.” You whispered, tears welling but refusing to fall. “It was too much, Jungwon.”
“I know. I won’t push you like that again.” He said softly, eyes somber but hopeful. “Okay.”
“Fine.” You answered, clutching the door. “We’ll see.”
“I’ll take it.” Jungwon smiled a sad little smile. He turned to leave but then suddenly turned back around. “Oh, almost forgot.” He said, his voice going flat and formal, the voice he used for business. “The dorm manager called today, said that they updated security in your dorm building. Do you’re free to move back today if you want.”
Your blood turned to ice in your veins. Not there. Anywhere but there! Your eyes widened with horror. “They seriously want to send me back there?” Your voice came out a weak thread. “They want me to live where the stalker knows I’d be?”
“Well, the security is stronger now.” Jungwon furrowed his brows. “Do you not want to go back?”
“No!” You answered a little too loudly. You look down, embarrassed and terrified, hands shaking. “I mean-no. Jungwon please.” Your voice shook as you pleaded. “I can’t go back. Please don’t send me back there!”
Jungwon sighed, reaching his hand out. “Of course not.” He cooed. “I promised you a safe space. You can stay as long as you like.” He patted your head lightly. “You’re not going anywhere.”
Relief flooded you, nearly making your already weak knees buckle. “Thank you.” You breathed. “Thank you Jungwon.”
“Anytime sweet girl.” He replied, an affectionate smile gracing his features as he tussled your hair. Then his nose wrinkled. “Do you maybe..want to eat in the kitchen with me?”
“I guess.” You replied hesitantly. “Why?”
He stifled a giggle. “Sorry, but your room smells like a Vick’s Vapor Rub factory exploded.”
You rolled your eyes as you followed him out. “Whatever. It’s your fault anyway.”
“I know, I know.” He chuckled, letting you lead the way with your bag of food.
He stared at your retreating figure. A deep satisfaction flooded him, a satisfaction with the fact that he was right. The fortress is shut, sweet girl. He smirked. And you locked it yourself.
- -
That night proved to be a somewhat healing point in your friendship with Jungwon, filled with brand new inside jokes, serious conversations of boundaries, and a disrespectful amount of pizza. He did stick to his word, he did push your limits but only if you let him. He’d listen when you’d say you were sore, or when you couldn’t dance anymore.
He was your biggest support now, a mentor, a confidante, and shamefully in your mind he was still the object of your delusions. He was still the one you screamed into the pillow over in the silence of your room in his house, the one who made your heart race wildly with just a dimpled smile. You still had his photo as your wallpaper and kept up with all of his stages, interviews and appearances. You still gushed about him to your friends.
“Oh my God LOOK AT HIM!” You shrieked, shaking a pointer finger at the screen, where you were watching a performance livestream. “Ugh, he’s perfect!”
“Girl.” Ria stared at you like you were insane. “You live with him.”
“Yeah, but at home he’s different, he’s just a guy.” You shrugged. “But onstage…onstage he just transforms.”
Nia rolled her eyes. “You need to chill, he’s got you cock whipped and you haven’t even fucked.”
You slowly turned to her with a dumbfounded grimace. “You say the weirdest shit, you know that?”
“Shut up!” Nia gasped.
“No, Nia, I’m serious-“ Nia shut your mouth with the palm of her hand.
“No, shut up, look!” She squealed pointing to be screen.
On it, Jungwon was performing a solo dance break to their song “Taste.” But instead of his usual sharp isolations and rapid fire transitions, the dance he chose was more fluid, more androgynous. It wasn’t his style. It was yours.
“No fucking way.” You covered your mouth, heart pounding, cheeks burning.
“Wow.” Ria let out an astonished laugh. “If that’s not a sign, girl I don’t know what is.”
But you didn’t laugh or tease. You watched the screen in a deep focus. Never in your life did you think you’d ever see Yang Jungwon performing a tribute to you.
—-
As every rule had an exception, so did your “physical limit” boundary apparently. At least in Jungwon’s eyes. Only a few weeks had past from that fateful evening, and yet he had you in that damn practice room at 2 am. The cause? A stiff something.
“C’mon.” He said, pulling an exhausted you up off the floor. “We have to run it again.”
“But Jungwon, you promised.” You panted, standing up, exhausted, obedient, and indignant. You wiped the sweat of your temple with a shaking hand. “You told me we’d stop once I’m at my limit!”
“I know I did. And I want to go home too.” He spoke calmly, his hand firm on your arm, his eyes unshakable. “And you as a dancer know that until we figure out why your form is stiff, we can’t go anywhere.”
You opened your mouth to protest. “But-“
“What is Enhypen known for?” Jungwon cut you off.
You shrunk back. “Performance.”
“And if one performer has a stiff form what do they do?” Jungwon pressed.
You looked at the ground. “Mess up.” You mumbled, like a kid being scolded.
“And if one performer messes up?” He tilted his head.
“Everyone messes up.” You reply.
“Exactly.” He nodded. “You said it yourself. We can’t leave unless you want to tank the performance. We need to know where you’re tense.” Jungwon said, his tone smug, like he enjoyed that you proved him right. “Center please.” Jungwon wasn’t stupid. He knew you were exhausted. But his goal wasn’t to break you this time. He was looking for something specific. And if he had to make you dance till morning to find it he will. For your own good of course.
You trudged toward the center of the room, assuming the first position as Jungwon cued the music. You ran through the sequence.
“You’re stiff.”
You ran the sequence again.
“You keep tensing your body.”
You ran it a third time. But no matter what you did, Jungwon wasn’t satisfied. It was like he was getting harder to please with every minute. You slumped to the floor trying to catch your breath.
“One more time, c’mon.” He urged, pulling you back up to your feet. “You can do it.”
Your tired frustration melted into an angry determination. You straightened up like nothing happened, glaring pure resolve into his face.
He looked up from his phone to watch you and froze. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes widened. His face suddenly flushed a soft feverish pink. His heart pounded in his chest so fast his head spun. “Oh..” he whispered.
There it was. There was that look from 2 years ago. The day he stumbled upon your dance video for the first time. Back then, you were largely unknown, Engenue Studios just started up. And you were put in a dance battle against a better, well developed dance studio Dreamcatcher Studios. You wore the same determined glare. It was that look that he fell in love with. It captivated him. It ruined him. He wanted to cause it, to own it. To live in it.
His eyes didn’t leave you for a second. The anger in you flared like adrenaline, refueling your exhausted body. You were beautiful. He couldn’t play the waiting game any longer. Not after that.
“Stop.” He held his hand up.
You dropped your arms. “What now?” You bit back exasperatedly. “Where am I stiff up this time?”
“Thats the problem, I can’t pinpoint it without seeing the muscle tension.” Jungwon murmured, furrowing his brow. “Take your clothes off.”
Your anger faltered. Your argument died in your throat. “What?” You sputtered, your voice losing its edge.
“Take your clothes off.” He crossed his arms, his expression unwavering. “Down to your underwear.”
You crossed your arms. Despite all the things you imagined and read, being naked in front of Jungwon was a fear you didn’t know you had. “Do I have to?” you asked, face flushing hot. “It seems a little…” Your eyes darted to the floor. “Is that normal?”
“Perfectly normal for a dancer.” He replied casually, as if he didn’t just tell you to dance in front of him in your most vulnerable state. “I’ll be watching your muscle tone. The quicker we do this, the quicker I’ll find the tension, the quicker we go home.” He stepped back to give you some semblance of privacy. “It’s standard procedure, don’t make it weird.”
Your face flamed as you stepped into a corner, not ready to face him. How is this even happening? What if he is weirded out by you? No he can’t be, he’s the one who’s asking. Your heart hammered against your chest as you pulled the hem of your t shirt up. Being his dance partner was a dream come true. Living with him was something out of a kdrama. But this? Your screaming brain didn’t know how to categorize the fact that the roommate you practically worship is demanding to see your body as if it’s the most normal request in the world. But then again. Your body obeyed his words more than your overthinking mind without much of a fight.
“I know it’s a lot to ask.” He said, still turned away from you. His voice was loud, clear, and professional, yet it carried that warm softness he only used with you. “But don’t overthink it.” He fiddled with the sound system. “Ready?”
“I guess.” You let out a shuddering breath, nervously clutching your folded your folded sweats. At least I have on nice underwear today. you thought to yourself, forcing yourself calm with the thought.
Jungwon turned. “Okay great, now we can get-“ he froze. His pupils blew out and his jaw clenched. “Fuck…” he whispered, quietly enough for you to miss it.
He has seen you plenty of times over the live feed, and it had his heart hammering and twitching every time. But to see you in person like this, blushing, clad in nothing but a Calvin Klein set…you’re so fucking beautiful. his mind screamed. He needed you. No, he needed to focus.
“Right, okay.” He said, his voice steady as he stepped back. “Let’s run it again.”
“Alright.” You say, your voice meek and barely audible. You ran a shaking hand through your hair. It wasn’t being naked that had you so nervous. You couldn’t care less usually. It was the fact that it was in front of Jungwon. You assumed the first position.
He cued the music, filling the practice room with sound. You let out a decisive breath and stepped in. The moment the music hit your brain, nothing else mattered but the dance itself. Not even the fact that Jungwon was watching your every move like a hawk. You hit the final move, shaking and panting, forgetting that you were ever sore. You looked over. Jungwon stared, eyes unreadable.
“Well?” You asked nervously, crossing your arms. “Did you find anything?”
“Yeah.” He nodded slowly as if he didn’t believe his own words. “Let’s run it again.”
You opened your mouth to complain, to protest, but he continued. “We’ll run it together slowly without music. That way I can actually show you where you’re tensing.”
That…actually kinda made sense. Out of all the crazy things today this one made the most sense.
“Okay.” You nodded. “Let’s do it.”
“Alright, assume first position.” He said, facing the mirror next to you.
You walked through the choreography with him slowly, an agonizingly crawling pace. His eyes, dark and unreadable, never left your naked form in the mirror. You tried your best to not to fumble while he carefully dictated every move. You lunged deep into a transition.
“Freeze.” He held his hand out, stopping you. You looked up at him from your lunge, confused. “Stay just like that for a minute.”
“This is…” you struggled slightly, your tired muscles creaking from the intensity of the pose. “This isn’t an easy pose to hold, Jungwon.”
“I know.” He said, his voice lower than usual. “It’s because you’re carrying tension in several muscles, not just one. Let me show you.”
He circled you slowly. “You’re carrying a lot in your back. That can really hurt you in the long run.” He reached out, gingerly pressing his fingers just above your upper back. The tense muscle slowly gave way as he pressed his thumb deeper. “Relax here.” You forced yourself to relax you neck. “And here too.” His palm felt hot against your lower back. Everywhere he pressed and pointed out he expected you to relax. Your delts, your lower back, your hip, calf. His touch felt like fire on your skin. His palm reached your thigh. He pressed hard enough that you gasped at the ache.
“You feel that?” He asked quietly, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze. “You’re flexing your thigh so hard it’s trembling. Relax it.”
You couldn’t. You were holding all of your weight on that leg. “Jungwon I can’t, I’ll fall.”
“No you won’t, trust me.” He gave you a small encouraging nod. “Just try.”
You tried. Your thigh stopped shaking. And the position, didn’t hit as much. You looked up at him expectantly.
“See?” He smiled at you in the mirror. “When you relax the quad, the entire move becomes fluid.” He explained, fingers trailing your thigh, pressing on muscles he wanted you to relax. “And you stop shaking.”
As he explained the benefits of the relaxation and the dangers of muscle tension, your thigh seized. It started with a tiny tremor, then a tremble. Jungwon noticed mid sentence. “Relax your thigh.” He zeroed in, his voice level yet stern.
“I’m trying.” You replied, but you couldn’t release the muscle. “I can’t-“
SMACK.
You yelped in pain. Jungwon laid a stinging slap to your thigh, shocking it into stillness. “I said,” he repeated calmly, pressing his hand to soothe the reddening mark. “Relax your thigh.”
You stared at him in shock. “Did you just-“
“It worked, didn’t it?” His hand carressed your thigh, the burning sting becoming a humming warmth under his touch. “Keep holding the pose. Don’t shake.”
You stared at your reflection, wondering if you’re dreaming. But the sting felt real. The warmth, and the unmistakable spreading heat in your stomach felt real. Humiliated by your own betraying body you flushed, unable to say anything.
“There you go.” Jungwon smiled sweetly at you. “Impact can help you shock the muscle loose. See?”
You nodded shakily, your heartbeat taxing and your body humming with a confused heat. You were trying to make sense of what was happening, the fear, the confusion, the anger, the want. But you failed, as the tremble in your thigh returning stronger than before.
SMACK.
“Ah!” You cried out, the sound half sob half moan as your body tried to differentiate the pleasure and the pain. “Jungwon that..” you stuttered. “That’s not-“
“Yeah, it didn’t work this time.” He crossed his arms, watching your trembling form with a thoughtful concerned expression. “Impact isn’t working, pressure points didn’t help either.” He hummed like he was searching for ideas. “It’s worse than I thought, it’s not just your muscles, you need a nervous system reset.”
“A nervous…system reset?” You questioned, still under the pressure of the pose.
“Yeah. Full tension release.” He replied, kneeling behind you.
“How?” You searched his eyes in the mirror. “Can I get up now?”
“You don’t have to.” He said, placing a warm hand on your shoulder. “Do you trust me?”
“I-“ you mused. Honestly, Jungwon was the only person you’ve trusted the past few months. “-Yeah..” you finally answered weakly.
“Good.” He wrapped an arm firmly around your waist. “You’re going to feel some pressure.” He murmured, his other hand gently pressing your screaming inner thigh. “Just relax, keep your eyes forward.”
You nodded hesitantly, watching his hand gently massage and squeeze your muscles. You leaned into him slightly.
His hand that carefully massaged your thigh began trekking upward, caressing your hip stroking his thumb in soothing circles. His hand slipped under the strap of your panties.
“Jungwon!” You gasped, clutching his arm. “What are you doing!”
“You’re okay.” He soothed. His hand cupped your bare pussy. “This is the quickest way to reset your nervous system.”
“Jungwon?” You stuttered out, panicked, still clutching his arm. “Isn’t this a little-“
“Shhh.” His fingers ran through your folds, his hands hot against your sensitive skin. “You’re okay. Just breathe.” He found you soaked. He smirked. “Lean on me, I got you.”
Is this actually happening? Am I dreaming? Your mind screamed as you watched the mirror. Jungwon looked completely calm, collected and detached, as if this was the most professional thing in the word.
“Jungwon what if someone-“
“Don’t worry.” His thumb found your clit, rubbing slow dizzying circles. “I won’t let that happen.” He pressed firmer.
“Ah!” You clutched his arm harder, clenching your jaw as your body began to sing in pleasure. But your mind couldn’t keep up. “Is this-“
“Yes, this is normal.” Jungwon replied calmly, fingers slowly but firmly caressing, sending shockwaves through you. “Don’t overthink it.”
He slipped a finger into your entrance, curling cruelly. A strangled whimper escaped your throat as your head thrashed back against his shoulder. He steadied you, his arm around your waist locking you firmly against his chest.
“Jungwon-“ you whimpered, unsure what you were begging for, mercy, pleasure, an explanation. “Jungwon please! I-“
He slipped in a second finger, his thumb grinding against your clit. You whimpered, your hips shamefully bucking into his hand for more. The dual sensation of his fingers curling into your entrance and his relentless rubbing on your clit, was more than you were able to comprehend. You could only feel. You squeezed your eyes shut, fireworks exploding under your eyelids. The wet sounds of your body filled the small mirrors room. He pressed his lips to the shell of your ear.
He breathed, his voice lower, huskier, dirtier than you ever expected. “Fuck, you’re so wet.”
“What?!l” The phrase forced a bewildered whine from you. Your body betrayed you, your walls clamping down on his fingers.
He smirked, fingers continuing their onslaught. (My sweet girl, your body is more honest than your words could ever be.)
A hot coil tightened in your stomach as you writhed and shivered under his hands. You were trapped in the center of his focus, blushing audience of one for a show that was designed to break whatever remained of your inhibitions.
“Jungwon please!” You begged.
“Please what?” He demanded calmly, any raspy huskiness cleared from his voice. “Do you want me to stop? Or are you going to be a good mentee and let me finish what I started?”
“I-“ you gripped his hand harder as sweat sheened on your red face. “I want to finish.”You whispered shamefully.
“What was that?” Jungwon’s fingers sped up pumping them with cruel precision like they knew all the right spots. You bucked helplessly into his hand, sobbing from the pleasure.
“I-I want to come, please make me come!” Your cried out shaking.
“Come then.” Jungwon whispered into your ear. “Let go the tension.”
The coil snapped as if on cue. You screamed, back arching off of Jungwon’s chest as the orgasm crashed over you like a tidal wave. You shook,seeing stars as Jungwon’s fingers pumped you through it all. You collapse forward, your damp hair obstructing your face from view as you went completely limp.
Jungwon quickly turned from you, and brought his fingers to his lips. He sucked them clean, quick enough that you didn’t see. His eyes rolled back. So sweet. So this is what my angel tastes like.
“Hey.” His voice softened into that disarming warmth. “You okay?” He patted your back, the action too friendly, too casual for what you had just gone through together. You couldn’t answer your mind in an exhausted haze.
Jungwon hopped off the floor, returning to you with your t shirt and sweats. “You did so good.” He said sweetly, stroking your damp hair off of your forehead, wiping your sweat and tears. “See? Now you won’t get hurt when you dance.”
You could only answer with a disoriented whimper, your head swimming with the intensity of the past few ours. Jungwon carefully helped you dress and carried you out of the building, holding your waist to keep your balance. Your body felt like lead, heavy, like your muscles were groaning under the weight of your bones.
The drive home was silent, the only sound being your quickened breathing as you were still coming off the high Jungwon made you take. Jungwon looked over at you, his eyes neutral and soft, like he was just Jungwon, your roommate. “How do you feel?” He sled softly, taking the final turn into the penthouse garage.
“Mmph.” You mumbled numbly against the window, your mind still feeling like jelly.
He let out a soft airy chuckle. “Yep, sounds about right.” You were lost in the post orgasm gaze that you didn’t hear him open the passenger door. “C’mon.” He said, helping you unbuckle and guiding your arm around his shoulder as you dropped with exhaustion. “Can’t have you spend the night in the garage.”
He helped you into the elevator and up the stairs, leading you carefully to your bed. “I’ll be right back.” He returned a second later with a cold bottle of water. “Here.” He whispered concerningly, cracking the cap open and handing it to you, keeping you sturdy hand on your shoulder. “You need to drink after all that.” He waited till you took a few sips. Satisfied, he left your room, softly closing the door behind him.
Shit. you slumped backwards on your bed, heavy eyes staring into the ceiling. I imagined that, right? That couldn’t have been real. Must be a wet dream. Ugh I’m such a pervert. You slowly forced yourself to get up and shower, washing off the sweat and tension release off of your skin before falling back into bed, unable to wrap your mind around what is going on.
Jungwon leaned his shoulder on the cold time of the shower, letting the warm water soothe his own flayed nerves. His stomach flexed from the butterflies as he let out a slow trembling breath, his face flushed at the memory. His mind however was in a state of near silence, a joyous reverence, the only sound in his mind being the memory of your moans.
“I…can’t believe I had her like that.” He whispered to himself, eyes shut in bliss. “She’s so…perfect, so sweet, so mine.”
He shut off the shower with a deep grounding sigh, entering his bedroom as he toweled off his hair. His hand froze at the sound of rustling coming to from the monitor. He immediately sat in his desk chair, leaning into the screen.
Jungwon watched the monitor, admiring your exhausted form as you laid on top of your sheets, your skin too hot for anything more than the tank top you wore.
“Too exhausted to sleep, baby?” He whispered, his eyes softening with concerned affection. “Being loved by me is tiring. Maybe I was too hard on you.”
He watched you toss and turn unable to sleep. He chuckled. “My hands are still on your mind, yeah? You can still feel me on your skin.” His smile shown with tenderness. “It’s okay. You won’t have to wait much longer. I’ll give you everything.”
He gazed at you with such profound heart aching love it almost made him abandon all the resolve he had and run into that bedroom to hold you. “But I can’t yet.” He whispered sullenly. “I can’t do that until you choose me.”
As he guarded the monitor, your fidgeting suddenly stilled. He furrowed his brow, watching you closely. You were staring at the ceiling deep in thought. You were sweating. Concerned for your comfort he lowered the temperature in your room, trying to quell the heat.
“There.” He whispered. “Is that better love?”
He watched your move again. Slowly, thoughtfully, your hand trailed down your stomach, pausing hesitantly before slipping under the waistline of your panties. Jungwon’s eyes widened, blood rushing immediately.
“No fucking way.” He breathed in awe. “Baby, are you really-“ Your hand moved against you as you let out a soft shuddering breath. Jungwon watched, mesmerized, his heart swelling as he let out a sound that was half sigh half whimper. “You are…” he let out a soft astonished chuckle, keeping his eyes glued to your writhing body like he was scared you’d disappear if he blinked.
“Fuck, baby, you’re going to kill me.” He whimpered, reaching into his own waistband. “You’re so fucking pretty, baby.” His breath hitched as he wrapped his hand around his cock. He stroked himseld, timing his rhythm to yours.
With wide eyed devotion he drank in the sight of you hitching and whimpering, fingers moving frantically over your clit. You were trying to mimic his technique. But your face was not one of pleasure, but one of frustration. “What is it, my angel?” Jungwon asked, leaning his head against the cold monitor, fucking into his fist relentlessly. “Fingers not long enough? You need your Jungwon to satisfy you, don’t you?”
As your breathing became shallower and your sounds got prettier, Jungwon stuttered his pace, his hips thrusting frantically. Tears of pure euphoria welled in his eyes.
“I’ll give you everything you want.” He whispered, his voice a shuddering breath. “Baby I will worship the ground you walk on for the rest of my life.” He whimpered, as his hips lost their rhythm and began bucking wildly. “Just- please…stay just like this for me. Okay?”
You were gasping at the sensation as you brought yourself closer to the edge. Jungwon gripped himself tighter, feeling the hot coil tighten in his stomach. “Come on baby.” He gasped. “Come for me!”
As if on cue, your back arched as your eyes screwed shut as you worked your trembling pussy. Jungwon was so close his nose practically touched the monitor. A sudden breathy whimper tore from your throat as you reached your peak.
“Jungwon!”
That’s all he needed. Hearing you call his name as you played with yourself was the catalyst that pushed him to euphoria.
“Fuck!” Jungwon cried out, back bowing as he shot white hot ropes all over his thighs. He slumped back in his chair, covering his eyes with his arm as he caught his breath.
As he recovered, a warm hazy sensation spread through his chest. He slowly opened his eyes, seeing you sprawled out, shaking from a fine tremor. Jungwon’s heart thumped a little harder as his eyes softened.
“Good girl. You did so good for me, my angel.” He whispered, leaning his forehead to your image. He gazed at you with a love so profound one could mistake it for healthy. And in his own twisted way, maybe it was. “Rest now, my sweet girl. I got you.” He smiled softly, kissing the screen with heartbreaking tenderness.
-To be continued…
@elikajinnie @jongst4rs @cherryw0n @kikizzz0 @strxwbloody @laylasbunbunny @goosemantheweeb
Muse: YJW
(Part 11)
Don’t meet your heroes.
They’ll always disappoint you.
Don’t meet your idols.
They’ll never let you go.
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psychological horror
WC: 9K
DISCLAIMER: this is for entertainment purposes only this does not reflect my opinion on any mentioned characters
Content Warnings: psycho fanboy Jungwon, manipulation, intimidation, stalking, obsession, gaslighting, pining, tracking, isolation, overworking, bullying, possessiveness
NSFW Content Warnings: SMUT MDNI DubCon (kissing), masturbation (male) Voyeurism (so much of it), fangirl kink, dirty talking, praise kink,
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
The couple days that you couldn’t dance, you spent watching the team. Ria helped you into the break room during lunch time, telling you a story about how Heeseung accidentally tripped during practice. You laughed along, scrolling through a delivery app on your phone.
“Man, nothing sounds good right now, but I’m hungry.” You complained, looking at Ria. “What are you getting?”
“I’m thinking of getting some fried chicken.” She replied , nose also buried in her phone.
“Not feeling it.” You wrinkled your nose.
Jungwon walks into the break room with a delivery bag. Immediately Jay and Jake flock him, getting their own orders from him. He looked over at you.
“You’re not eating?” He raised his eyebrows.
“Jungwon!” You smiled sheepishly. “Can’t make up my mind.”
He reached into the delivery bag and handed you a take out container. “Here, I got an extra.” He sat across from you. “You can’t go all day without eating.”
You open up the container to find a meal you’ve been craving. Your eyes lit up.
“I’ve been dying to try this place!” You exclaimed, snapping your chopsticks apart. “Why did you get an extra one?”
“In case anyone needed a lunch.” He smiled. “Guess you lucked out.”
“Thank you, Jungwon.” You grinned. “What a lucky coincidence!”
He chuckled awkwardly, “Yeah, sure. Just a coincidence I guess.”
You dug in happily, oblivious to his attentive stare. It wasn’t a coincidence. He knew it wasn’t. He was just that good of a dance partner and mentor, that not only did your moves sync, so did your thoughts. At least that’s how he justified his delusions.
- -
The day you finally walked into the HYBE building with no supports or braces, you took a breath of relief. You missed this, you missed dance, you missed the music, you definitely didn’t miss Jungwon. Of course not. Not at all. The moment you entered the practice room waterbottle in hand, Jungwon practically ran to you, calling your name.
“Thank God.” He took your wrist, leading you to your spot on the floor without much of a hello. “I’m so glad you’re back to dancing.”
You giggled, giddy at the attention from your idol. “I was here the whole time, what do you mean?”
“Yeah but you weren’t dancing.” He replied. “We need to make up for a lot. How are you feeling?”
You offered a shy smile. “Better, thank you.”
“Good.”
That was all he gave you as he called out to start. His quick moment of concern was overtaken by his need for perfection. He led practice with efficiency, an iron fist, and a dimpled smile.
“You need to focus.” He told you, hand splayed on the junction between your shoulder and neck. “You keep tensing here. Try it again.”
He called out corrections to other dancers and members, working the group until you were all boneless and ready to drop, yet his eyes never left you for more than two seconds. His eyes could find you in any moment in any place, his gaze palpable even when you weren’t watching him. You caught him in the mirror staring at you stretching, with intense focus. You turned to him, expecting that he turn away like a normal person. But he didn’t. Your face flushed, hyper conscious of your pose and his scrutiny.
“Jungwon?” You asked, sweating under his gaze. “Is everything okay?”
“Your form.” He said. “You need to stretch deeper.”
“Oh..” you murmured, fixing your position to bend lower, your leg coming out farther. “Like this?” You’re so focused on the stretch you don’t even hear footsteps approaching until you feel a warm hand on the small of you back. You flinched back in shock, but the hand didn’t move.
“Like this.” Jungwon replied softly, pressing you down further. “Keep your back straight, don’t curve.”
You couldn’t breathe. I need to calm down. I need to calm down JUNGWON IS TOUCHING ME I need to calm down HE’S IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME seriously calm down HE’S SO FUCKING GORGEOUS. Damn, three, almost four weeks of working with Jungwon and you still can’t get used to the novelty. You can’t get used to being near him, your brain shuts off the moment he touches you, even if the touch is innocent. It’s always innocent, it’s me who’s delusional. calm down.
Post stretch, Jungwon excused himself when a manager called him out of the room. He flashed you a dimpled smile that went straight to your spine.
“I’ll be right back.” He called to the rest of the team, who replied with tired bye’s as they recovered.
You sighed, running a hand through your mussed hair. While you loved training with Jungwon, he was beautifully distracting. You needed to practice the actual choreos for the tour. The dance wasn’t coming easy to you. It’s kind of annoying to learn a partnered dance without a damn partner. You let out a frustrated puff of air, getting ready to restart a sequence that you couldn’t get right.
“Need some help?”
You turned around at the sound of the voice. Your eyes lit up. “Ni-Ki! Please if you don’t mind.”
Without another thought, he stepped into the partner role, leading you through, narrating the moves as you did them. He, like Jungwon, was a fantastic teacher, maybe a little less strict.
“You learn quick.” He grinned, panting out the exertion from the last run through.
“Nah, you just teach well.” You giggled.
“Let’s just agree we’re both amazing.” He replied, handing you a bottle of water.
“Fine.” You agreed. “Thanks.”
Getting trained by your bias, and by your wrecker in one day. What could be better?
Ahem.
Your head swiveled at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Jungwon stood behind you, expression unreadable. “Having fun?” He asked, tone feeling a little too polite.
“Jungwon!” You smiled, the familiar giddy flutter settling in your stomach. “Ni-Ki was teaching me the choreo for ‘Addictum’. I finally got it!”
Jungwon offered a serene dimpled smile. “I’m glad. Let’s continue with practice, yeah?”
Practice resumed but Jungwon was…off. He was too polite, too rehearsed, his smiles a little too forced. And that same energy followed into your private training after hours. It terrified you, it felt like the fragile friendship between you two was fraying.
“Jungwon.” You started hesitantly as he changed the music. “Is everything okay?”
“Hm?” He looked up thoughtfully before breaking into another practiced simper. “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
You gave an awkward shrug. He didn’t seem to pay any mind to your tension, starting the music and looking at you expectantly. With a deep breath, you stepped into the routine with him, dancing side by side, in near perfect sync. That was the issue. Near perfect sync, not perfect sync. His brow furrowed.
“Stop, stop!” He cut you off, steadying you with a heavy hand on your shoulder. “You learned this without me didn’t you?”
Your breath hitched. How did he know? Was I not supposed to? He stared at you, not with malice, or disappointment but with a tense worry that shot pangs of guilt through your stomach.
“Yeah..yeah I did.” You stammered, looking away from his gaze. “I couldn’t get it, so Ni-Ki helped.”
“I see.” He nodded slowly with that same worried edge as if he needed time to process. “Yeah I can feel it.” He took a step closer to you, his eyes dragging, assessing your form.
“Is that bad?” You shrunk back, but Jungwon followed.
“I mean,” he muttered, eyes boring into yours as he backed you up. “It’s not ideal, considering you’ll be dancing with me, not him.”
“I get that,” you replied, trying to keep your voice level, nerves rising simultaneously with excitement. “But I respect Ni-Ki too, and I like his dance style. I just wanted to learn from both-“
“No.” He cut you off tightening his grip on your shoulder his voice hard set with panic before he caught himself, his voice softening back to that mesmerizing lilt that could convince you of anything. “I mean, you don’t need to learn from him. Ni-Ki’s talented but his style doesn’t suit you.”
You blinked. Why is he making you feel like you ruined everything? “I just wanted to make up for lost time, because you said-“
“It’s okay, we’ll fix it.” He cut you off. “Don’t worry. But..” His voice dropped to a low pleading whisper. “You’re my partner, not Niki’s. I need you to be used to dancing with me, not someone else. Don’t practice with him anymore, okay?”
Your stomach dropped. He’s acting like I betrayed him or something. “I-..okay.” You conceded hesitantly. Yet it didn’t sit with you. What was so wrong with dancing with Ni-Ki? And what does personal style have to do with anything? Isn’t having multiple instructors better?
“Good!” He smiled, face brightening again as he reached out, patting your head. “Alright, let’s retrain you.”
“I guess…” you muttered, half heartedly joining him in dance, confused at his anger, flustered by his affection.
Jungwon was harder on you that session. But not in the way you were used to. His tone was still polite, his instruction still firm, but with every correction his grip on you tightened, fingers digging into your the flesh of your arms, shoulders, waist, almost like he was trying to erase the learned dance from your muscles. And yet, it worked. He remolded the entire dance in your body and mind to fit him.
“See?” He smiled sweetly after the final run through, leaving you boneless, and exhausted. “Much easier when you’re not reaching Ni-Ki’s height, right? Say it’s easier.”
You nodded to placate him. Still. It didn’t make sense to you. Why was dancing with Ni-Ki such a big deal? Jungwon is your mentor. Isn’t he supposed to want you to get more experience?
“Hey!” Your inner musing was interrupted by a tap on your shoulder. You shook out of your stupor, casting a wild glance at Jungwon. “Huh?”
“We’re done for the day.” He replied slinging his bag over his shoulder . “C’mon. I’ll take you home.”
JUNGWON WANTS TO TAKE ME HOME? HE WANTS ME INSIDE HIS CAR? You hesitated. “Are you sure it’s not a hassle?”
“It’s never a hassle to make sure you get home safe.” He said softly, leading you out of the room by the elbow. “Let’s go, it’s no trouble at all.” His words had an odd weight behind him, like they were designed to make you feel guilty.
The drive to your dorm was quiet. Jungwon kept the conversation pleasant and light, yet his politeness felt practiced, his smiles felt forced. I’m just imagining things.you thought. I just need sleep. But you knew that wasn’t it. An odd alarm bloomed in your stomach filling it with butterflies. The turning point was when you admitted Ni-Ki helped you. After he asked you to not dance with him anymore, that’s when he got tense and weird. Your face began to heat up. There can’t possibly be a reason-
“We’re here.” Jungwon’s gentle voice cut through your thoughts. You looked up at him to see that warm dimpled smile yet tense eyes, like he was forcing it. “You’re home.”
You begrudgingly shook yourself out of your confused stupor, mumbling out a thank you and scurrying out of his car. You practically ran to your dorm, one foot barely in the door as you frantically dialed Ria.
“Girl.” You panted from the sprint up the stairs. “I need to talk to you about something. Jungwon was acting off today and I need a second opinion before I start freaking out.”
“It’s literally midnight, what do you want?” Ria grumbled sleepily. “And make it quick.”
“I think Jungwon’s jealous.” You blurted out, cheeks flaming. “But I might just be reading into it.”
Suddenly, Ria didn’t sound so tired anymore. You could hear the rustle of her bedding as she bolted up. “Tell me everything.”
—-Meanwhile —-
“She wouldn’t do that to me.” Jungwon muttered, gripping the steering wheel with whitening knuckles. “She couldn’t.”
His eyes kept shifting to his phone as he drove, not knowing what he was waiting for, what he was expecting. Was he expecting you to call? Or message him? With what, an apology? A promise to never dance with anyone else other than him ever again?
“Promise me.” He whispered to nobody, his leg tensing against the gas pedal. “Promise you won’t ever dance with anyone else again. You’re mine.”
Anger and jealousy clouded his mind but the worst was the fear. You said you want to learn from both him and Ni-Ki. Oh God, what if you like Ni-Ki’s instruction more? What if Ni-Ki takes you from him? He can’t let that happen. Not after everything. Not after how much he risked, watched, worshipped and loved. Not after he has everything almost ready.
“I still have to break her.” He muttered, heart hammering in his chest as he parked his car crookedly and practically ran into the elevator. “I still have to fix her. I still have to show my love, my devotion to her. Only her.”
The moment Jungwon entered his penthouse he immediately fumbled his phone with shaking hands. He had to know. He had to know what you were doing, what you were saying. Were you thinking about him? Fuck, what if you were thinking about Ni-ki?
Finally, he got his trembling fingers to cooperate, and stared intently at the live feed of your dimmed room, your giggling ringing through the cold silence of his home. You were already dressed for bed, in a loose tank top and panties, flopped on your stomach. The sound of your squeals, the visual of you kicking your feet as you spoke on the phone was like a healing salve for his soul. He heaved a sigh of relief, feeling the stress, fear and anger ebb away, leaving only a tense reverent wonder.
“Hey beautiful.” He whispered softly, stroking your image on the screen. “I’m home.”
“- That’s what I’m saying, he was like…I don’t know.” You sighed into the phone with a dumb grin on your face. “He was insisting I stop dancing with Ni-Ki, and he just looked so serious I just-ugh! I almost died right there!”
Jungwon watched with a quiet fascination. Him? You’re freaking out over him? A slow smirk crept onto his face.
“Girl, I’m telling you.” You giggled. “He was like ‘you’re my partner, not Ni-Ki’s. Let’s retrain you’ and when we got through it, he looks at me and is like ‘it’s easier with me right? Say its easier.”
“Oh my God!” A familiar voice Jungwon recognized as Ria’s gasped. “And then?”
“And then he patted my head!” You screamed into the pillow before lifting your head up. “Like he was being possessive but also being super sweet, and I-ughhh!” You groaned, flopping backward kicking your feet in fangirlish frustration. “Why is he so fucking hot?”
Jungwon listened intently, a twisted fascination blooming in him. The fear and anxiety melted away into something more dangerous, a swelling ego and a heat pooling low in his stomach. “You really like me that much, baby?” He whispered with a smirk. “Tell me more then.” He stifled a soft groan, palming the tightening bulge in his pants. Seeing you this excited over some soft words did something to him.
“Girl I’m telling you, he’s into you!” Ria exclaimed. “It’s so obvious!”
“No he can’t possibly!” You blushed with a breathy laugh. “It’s like he knows I’m crazy for him or something. Like I was ready to fall to my knees then and there.”
Jungwon’s breath hitched in his throat, a shiver running down his spine at the visual. “Yeah, you’re crazy for me?” Jungwon leaned back against his headboard, his eyes heavy lidded. “Then keep talking, angel. Tell me how bad you want to get on your knees.”
He watched the live feed, pupils dilated, desperately palming himself over his sweats to the subject of his own obsession fangirling over him. Every sigh stroked his ego, every giggle sending more blood rushing down. Seeing you worship him like this was more intoxicating than any drug.
“Ria, no I don’t care.” You continued. “Like, he can’t just pat my head and get all jealous on me and expect me to not be ready to risk it all.” You covered your burning face with your pillow. “Shit! It’s not even funny, like I need this man.”
Jungwon let out a shakey breath, reaching into his waistband to find relief. His hand wrapped tight around himself, hot and heavy. With a soft groan he stroked himself, reveling in every pretty sound you were making. “Thats right baby. Keep fangirling.” He breathed. “Keep giggling for me. Tell Ria how much you need me.”
“Girl, c’mon it’s obvious he likes you!” Ria continued. “Imagine, you with the leader of one of the biggest kpop groups yet!”
“Oh my God, stop making me more delusional than I already am! Like I literally can’t, he’s so fine!” You fawned, rolling back onto your stomach, the plush curve of your ass coming into perfect view of the bugged bat plushy.
Jungwon watched with a starving devotion, stroking himself to the sound of your voice, to the visual of you, the idea of your worship of him. He shuddered, fingers tightening around his base, his gaze fixed on your ass as you kicked your legs in excitement squealing at every interaction you remembered.
“Fuck..” He let out a broken whisper, hips stuttering in his grasp. “Keep squealing for me just like that, yeah? You love me so much, don’t you, sweet girl?”
On the screen, you are still giggling with Ria, the perfect, beautiful image of an oblivious fangirl. “And the way he was like ‘it’s never a hassle to make sure you get home safe’.” You swooned, a blush creeping on to your cheeks. “Honestly he needs to chill , it really doesn’t take much more than that.”
Jungwon let out a stuttered moan, the confession alone nearly pushing him off the edge. “Yeah? Doesn’t take much?” He breathed out a soft, delirious laugh, his hand gripping himself tighter, pumping faster. “You’re just so easy for me aren’t you, baby? Just my sweet little fangirl ready to do anything for her idol. C’mon. Say you love me.” He screwed his eyes shut, panting desperately as his strokes became faster and more uneven. “Say it! You’re obsessed just like I am, baby you…you love me!” He whimpered, stuttering into his fist. “You love me, you love me so much!”
You sighed into the phone. “God.”
“I just love him.”
The confession hear hit him like the most potent drug. “Fuck!” he let out strangled cry, bowing off his bed, spilling into his hand, your name ghosting his lips.
“Fuck baby you almost killed me.” He panted, pressing his forehead against your image on the live feed. “Good girl. You’re so sweet to me. Such a perfect, sweet girl for me.” He leaned against your image as he caught his breath.
You sighed into the phone. “Anyways, I should probably go to bed it’s getting late.”
Jungwon sat up, his grip tightening on his spent cock. “No, baby wait-“ he pleaded with the screen. “Just a little longer, don’t sleep yet.”
You didn’t hear him, bidding goodbye to Ria and hanging up. You crawled under your bedsheets pulling the bat plushy tight to your chest. The same bat plushy Jungwon was watching you through.
When your breathing evened out, Jungwon pressed a soft kiss to the screen. “Goodnight my sweet girl. Tomorrow, we’ll see just how much it takes.” He whispered with a soft smile.
—-
In the following days Jungwon seemed to be in a fantastic mood. You wouldn’t leave his mind. After witnessing his influence on you, he was even more hooked than before. He would go to the studio, to music bank stages and performances, to brand endorsements with you in mind. He’d go to Prada events, mentally trying the most beautiful dresses on you. This one would look so beautiful on her. He smiled, thumbing through the fabric of a dress.
He loved watching the bat cam but when he was not able to, you never left his mind. But of course, his favorite time was when you were in front of him, desperate for his approval. He knew he still had a long way to go before he could break your mind in. But for now, you wanting his attention and wanting his approval was enough. Practice, the thing he used to dread, became the highlight of his day, but it was causing problems. Not for you. For-
“JUNGWON!” Heeseung hissed harshly.
Jungwon looked up. “Hm?”
Heeseung forced a smile. “The host asked you a question?”
Oh right. He’s on a variety show.
“Sorry!” He smiled sweetly, “I got a little distracted. What was the question?”
—-
“You’re doing a great job!” He offered you a dimpled grin during practice. “You’re already getting the hang of it, soon you’ll perform it better than I do.”
You gave a flustered chuckle. “C’mon, don’t say all that..” you muttered, your cheeks flushing a deep pink. “I couldn’t possibly.” Today marks one month of you moving to Seoul.
During a short break, you plopped down against the mirror, phone in hand. As you rested, scrolling mindlessly, you got a notification. Your eyes widened in excitement and horror. Your favorite fic author updated their Jungwon fic. I shouldn’t. You warned yourself. Not here. But dammit, I was waiting a whole week, I need to know what happened. After some mental wrestling, you gave up. Fuck it. I’ll be careful. Against your better judgement, you checked your surroundings, lowered your screen brightness, and spent your break in the world of fanfiction. Your eyes flicked from left to right, absorbing every word and detail. You were so engrossed in the plot you didn’t notice the main character was standing over you.
“What are you reading?”
You froze. Your stomach dropped, sweat beaded on your forehead. Your hand clenched around your phone tighter as you slowly forced yourself to look up.
Jungwon was standing directly over you, leaning over to peer into your phone with a smirk. FUCK. Fight or flight kicked in. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
“NOTHING.” You shouted, flinging your phone across the room. It bounced off the mirrored wall with a loud THWACK.
The air in the room siezed to exist. Ria looked at you with an odd expression, mouthing “what the fuck?” You were ready to dissappear into the ground right in that moment.
Jungwon walked over to your discarded phone, gingerly picking it up. He looked into the screen, eyebrows quirking in amusement. I should die right here and now. You groaned to yourself, burying your face in your hands. I’m going to kill myself.
Jungwon sauntered back to you with that amused smirk that was both beautiful and deeply embarrassingly terrifying. He knows. He saw. Can’t the floor just swallow me now?
“You dropped something.” He teased, crouching to your level. You tried to back up into the wall further, but you were already flush against it. So instead you chose to avoid eye contact.
“I don’t know what you think you saw,” you rambled. “But it’s a misunderstanding. That was a college assignment.”
Jungwon chuckled, tilting his head. “You’re not in college.”
“I was!” You muttered defensively.
“But now you aren’t.” He smirked, holding your phone out to you. “So how are you going to explain that?”
“I’m reminiscing!” You snatched your phone out of his hands, cradling it to your chest like it was something precious. “Of..simpler..times?” You strained, sounding completely unconvincing.
“Sure.” He grinned, eyes glinting mischievously. “Enjoy reminiscing about your very important assignment later. We have to continue practice.” He held his hand out to help you off the floor.
Once on your feet, he murmured low enough for only you to catch. “And anyway. Why reminisce on old assignments when the subject’s right in front of you?”
You stared at him in horror and embarrassment. He gave you a teasing wink as if the most humiliating moment of your life is a fun secret. He turned away from you calling to the rest of the team.
“Alright everyone, let’s get back to work!”
With a shakey sigh and a pit in your stomach, you followed him to your spot on the floor and assumed position. The rest of practice consisted of Jungwon’s winks and teasing chuckles. Your face burned every time.
“Relax. I know you’re a fan.” He giggled, mid dip before pulling you up. “Had I thought you were weird I wouldn’t be dancing with you.”
“I…okay..” you said slowly, still not fully believing him. Maybe he pitied you. Or this was a twisted form of fan service. And dammit, with that disarming dimpled smile and those warm eyes, it worked. You felt yourself relax under his gaze as he corrected your form. Maybe you do have a chance of surviving a fangirl’s worst nightmare.
—-
“Bye guys!” You waved to your friends, trying hard to free the nervous knot in your stomach.
“Don’t stay too long, okay?” Jay warned as he grabbed his bag.
“Don’t worry hyung, we won’t!” Jungwon smiled brightly.
The door of the practice room closed behind Jay who was last to leave. With a queasy cold sweat you turned to Jungwon. He was waiting for you to join him hand stretched out invitingly.
“C’mon.” He soothed. “I don’t bite.”
Sure you don’t.
“So.” You cleared your throat. “Which dance are we starting with? Or maybe there’s a specific rendition I need to learn?”
He took your hand with a gentle grip. His palm was hot against yours, electrifying and comforting at the same time. You silently begged your heart to calm down.
“We aren’t doing choreo.” He said softly. Still holding your hand, he led you to the speaker, grabbing his phone. “We’ll just freestyle today.”
Your stomach flipped. You missed freestyling, dancing for yourself, maybe with Ria sometimes. It cleared your head, filled your heart, steadied your hands. But with Jungwon there? You seemed to forget how to dance completely.
“To what?” You managed out, not sure if you should pull your hand out of his grip or remain selfish.
“Well, do you have a favorite song?” He asked, looking up from his screen.
“I uh..” you stammered. He’s still holding your hand, watching you expectantly. “I like XO..”
His eyes lit up. “Our song?”
You nodded nervously. “Yeah, I…I like it.” Mentally you were kicking yourself for how stupid you sounded.
“Perfect.” His eyes twinkled. “Then that’s what we’re dancing to.” He stepped back a little, cueing the song. “I know you’re a great dancer, but you were also a choreographer in LA weren’t you?”
“I was.” You nodded, giving your arm a light stretch.
“I want to see what XO looks like from your head.” He said. “Not my choreography, but yours.”
“Okay.” You took a deep breath. “Okay let’s go.”
The dreamy first notes of XO filled the room. You closed your eyes, your limbs acting on muscle memory. You lost yourself in the music. There was no choreography. There was only movement and soul. An elated grin crept up onto your face.
Jungwon watched, eyes shining with admiration. Here you are, dancing to your favorite song, the height of your career within reach. And of course, your idol, your muse, your bias, is sitting in front of you, absorbing each movement, eyes shining at you like you hung the moon.
Your dance transitioned from graceful to playful, finding yourself giggling from sheer joy. Jungwon couldn’t withstand anymore. With a grin he joined you. He matched your footwork seamlessly, improvising what he didn’t know, his expertise as an idol very obvious. He was laughing along with you, moving in tandem, even grabbing your hand to spin you.
“Jungwon!” You giggled as he guided you by the waist. “You’re distracting me!”
“I told you, remember?” He laughed. “At the master class.”
“Expect the unexpected from your partner.” You grinned, taking his offered hand again, letting him lead. “I remember.”
“XO, XO, Kiss me, don’t say no”
You spun happily in Jungwon’s arms, feeling like you were on cloud 9. Suddenly he swooped in, pressing a quick peck to your cheek. You gasped, hand flying to your flaming cheek. “Jungwon!”
“What?” He tilted his head with a playful giggle. “Just focus on the dance.”
You answered with a blushing smile but danced nonetheless, your stomach now exploding with butterflies. OH MY GOD. That didn’t happen. I’m seeing things. I’m crazy.
Jungwon didn’t seem to see your fluster, or he didn’t care. You tried to focus on your movements, on his, trying to match energies, but he was relentless. Every step, a kiss would land on your forehead, cheek, nose. By the final chorus you weren’t focused on the dance anymore, fully consumed by the idol peppering your face with random kisses, laughing and dodging playfully.
“Jungwon what are you doing?” You shyed with an exhilarated giggle.
“What?” He smiled, pressing a quick peck to the corner of your mouth. “I’m just setting the right mood for the song, keep dancing!”
He peppered your faces with kisses again. You lurched back, overwhelmed, your stomach ready to crawl out of your throat as your brain screamed in excitement. “Stop, that tickles!” You protested, but your voice held no real conviction, coming out as a bright squeal.
You stepped back and he followed with a quiet chuckle. “No.”
He pressed another playful kiss to your nose as you backed away. With a flustered “hey!” you tripped over your own two feet, falling to the ground. You fell back, landing on your butt with a startled yelp. You looked up at Jungwon, trying to catch your breath, an exhilarated rush dizzying you from the proximity alone.
Jungwon is kissing me. Yang fucking Jungwon is in front of me and he’s FUCKING KISSING ME. He crouched in front of you, a playful grin still playing on his lips. “What happened?” He joked. “Fell for me?”
With hands shaking from excitement, and a nervous giggle, you scooted back on your hands, trying just to catch a breath. Just so that the gorgeous man in front of you didn’t make your face burn again. “Jungwon, I-“
Jungwon leaned forward, stealing another kiss. “Where are you running off too?” He teased sweetly, not giving you an inch of space, following as you inched back.
Your heart was banging against your ribcage, stomach exploding with butterflies. Your head was swimming, your nose filled with the scent of his cologne and something uniquely him.
And Jungwon? He was having the time of his life, XO in the background keeping the atmosphere dreamy, weightless but charged as if you were floating through a cloud of pure bliss and panic. As your heart hammered and Jungwon was hot on your trail chasing you in a crawling pursuit full of laughter and kisses, your giggles and squeals turned into soft confused sighs. The music has long stopped. Why hasn’t he?
You were living every fangirl’s dream, being lavished with affection from your bias. You’ve imagined it for 3 years now, in your own delusional fantasies and here you are actually experiencing it. Experiencing him. But…should Jungwon really be doing this? Giggling with you, playing along, pressing little kisses to you like it actually means something?
A choked gasp left your lips as your back found the wall. Jungwon cornered you, crouching at your level just like he did when he caught you reading. He pressed his hands on either side of your had, giving you no escape.
“Jungwon?” His name came from your lips breathy and soft, not at all like you intended.
He looked like a dream. Hair messily framing his face, a little flushed from the dance, neck gleaming with a thin sheen of sweat, and a sweet dimpled smile. His eyes roamed your face, landing on your lips. It’s just for the performance. You tried to ground yourself. Don’t be delusional, it’s just method it’s just part of the song.
“Caught you.” He whispered, the playful edge in his voice softening into something warm, intense and overwhelmingly intimate.
Your breath hitched in your throat, mind racing to remind you. But your heart was racing against your mind. And unfortunately it was winning. You pressed yourself against the glass as if you could disappear into it. Your hands that held you began to tremble in anticipation.
Jungwon leaned in, his nose brushing yours as he pressed a featherlight kiss to your cheek, then your jaw, and the corner of your mouth. Your mind was screaming, alarm bells ringing, and your skin burned with crackling electricity where he kissed you. And yet, you couldn’t get yourself to move, despite your nerves, fear, excitement.
Jungwon pressed a tentative kiss to your lips. (Oh my God.) Was all your mind managed before dissolving into white noise. Jungwon didn’t pull away. He pressed another light peck to your lips, before finally resting his forehead against yours, capturing your lips in his.
Your heart nearly burst out of your chest and your heart swam at the feel of his lips, soft and warm against yours. He kissed so carefully, so sweetly, as if trying not to scare you. You could feel your body, that was so tense with nerves before, betray you. You melted into his touch. Your brain and heart melted with you, leaving you dumb with bliss and shock.
Feeling your surrender, Jungwon smiled into your lips, his hand leaving the wall to gently tangle in your hair. He angled your head as he wanted it, deepening the kiss. He ran his tongue along your bottom lip, not a demand, but a question. You let him in without hesitation. Jungwon let out a hum of approval, letting his tongue dance with yours as he wrapped an arm around your waist, pressing you tightly against his chest. Your mind was a soft warm hum of excitement and fluster.
When he finally pulled away for air he didn’t let you go far, his hand resting on the back of your neck. He rested his forehead against yours, his labored breaths mingling with yours as his thumb stroked soothing circles into the sensitive skin of your neck. He gave you a dazed little smile, just admiring your kiss swollen lips.
“You’re shaking.” He whispered pressing another final kiss to your lips. He pulled back, his eyes a mixture of warmth, mischief and awe. “How was it?” He smirked, still refusing to let you go.
You couldn’t think. You couldn’t speak. How could you when the man of your dreams physically kissed you stupid? You offered a mindless nod.
“C’mon.” He whispered helping you up. You stood on shaky legs, still under the influence of his lips. “I’ll take you home.”
The drive to your house was quiet, the only sound was the hum of the car engine. You were dazed, checking Jungwon’s face before reaching up to touch your lips. Jungwon didn’t need to turn his head to see. His lip curled into an imperceptible smug smirk.
“You okay?” He murmured softly. “Was it too much for you?”
“No.” You whispered, still dazed, face burning as you slowly came to, trying to keep your composure till you get home. “It was…fine. It was okay.”
He chuckled. “Good. Can’t risk losing my best backup dancer to a stage kiss.”
Right. It was just a stage kiss, you reminded yourself. It’s for the performance, not for you. But still.
“Alright.” Jungwon sighed as car came to a slow stop. “You’re home.” He smiled warmly.
“Thanks for the ride Jungwon.” You mumbled, refusing to look at him.
You reached for the door handle but the lock clicked shut. Confused, your head snaps around at Jungwon. He still held that warm dimpled smile but it was different. It seemed shy.
“Come here.” He whispered, reaching for you.
He pulled you in by your jaw, pressing his lips to yours once again. Your stomach exploded with butterflies the moment you felt his warmth. You were stuck in a loop of panic and comfort, his kiss flustering you, his hand on your jaw grounding you. This was no stage kiss. This was a kiss goodnight.
Jungwon pulled away almost reluctantly. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” He whispered, a faint pink dusting his cheeks.
You nodded. “Yeah…to..tomorrow.” You managed out. “Bye.”
You slipped out of his car, stiffly walking to the door of your building. The moment the door shut behind you you sprinted to the elevator, flying down the hallway, throwing your door open and faceplanting directly into your bed with a cathartic scream.
You flipped onto your back, face burning with relief, and your heart beating a mile a minute.
“Shit..” you breathed, grinning so hard your cheeks ached. “Yang Jungwon kissed me. He danced with me and kissed me!” You squealed, pulling the plushy, the one he gifted you, into your arms, burying your face in it. You sighed into it, eyelashes fluttering against the soft synthetic fur.
Meanwhile
Jungwon stared into his phone with a fiercely locked in intensity. On the screen, you are clutching onto the plushy, onto him, for dear life, trying to reason with yourself. Your muffled voice poured directly into his soul through his headphones.
“I need to calm down.” you murmured, your cheeks still flushed, lips still swollen. “It was just a stage kiss. It didn’t mean anything.” You reached up to touch your lips.
“Yes it did.” Jungwon breathed, heart swelling as he touched his own lips, mimicking your movement. A warmth pooled in his chest, traveling down filling his entire body with heat. “It meant everything, angel. It means you’re mine now.” He trembled at the idea. You’re completely and utterly his. You just don’t know it yet.
You forced yourself to get up, staring into space with the most beautiful expression Jungwon has ever seen. Pure flustered daze. He could practically hear his name being screamed over and over in your brain and nothing else.
“You’re so beautiful when you’re thinking of me.” He whispered, his hand palming the image of you, cheeks flushed, eyes dilated. “But thinking of me isn’t enough. I need you to crave me baby.” He pressed the phone to his lips, kissing your image. He pulled back, his thumb tracing your face. “I need you to want me as much as I want you.”
—-
The next day you skipped ahead of your teammates into the building with your heart full. Not from the studio kiss, but from the goodnight kiss.
“Hi everyone!” You exclaimed, entering the practice room with a slight bow.
“You seem in a good mood today!” Jay smiled in greeting.
“I’m just really well rested.” You smiled back.
Jungwon walked into the room, absorbed in a conversation about a schedule with a manager. Your heart did a happy little flip as memories of last night flooded you with warmth. He glanced up at you for just a moment.
“Hi!” You smiled.
He didn’t even react. He just continued walking like you weren’t even there. Huh? Your stomach sank. What was that?
You decided to try a little later.
“Jungwon?” You approached after the first run through. “I was hoping you could help me with the second transition?”
He didn’t even look at you, attention completely in his phone. “You’ll go through it with everyone else.” He replied flatly. “I’m a bit busy right now.”
“Oh.” You furrowed your brow. “Okay.” Strange. Usually the moment you asked for help he’d be the first one offering. He himself said that if you have questions to not go to the other members, only him. So why isn’t he helping now?
During group rehearsal it was worse. You could blink and he’d have a critique for you.
“Keep your posture!” He’d shout at you over the music. “Don’t make me tell you again.”
“Sorry!” You scrambled to straighten up. Normally, if he needed your back straighter he’d just tap you. But this? This is new. And that’s how the rest of rehearsal went. He’d flatly call out critiques at you in front of everyone.
“Check your spot!”
“You were late in the transition.”
“Your leg extension was off.”
You met each of his critique with a quieter apology each time, your confidence waning.
You’d hope to get some context after practice training, he didn’t soften either. He worked you to the bone and offered no real notes.
“Honestly, I expected more from you.” He sighed, stepping back. “You’ve been unfocused all day. C’mon how are you going to tour with us if you’re not even trying?”
“Sorry Jungwon.” You murmured.
He gave you a pointed look. “Get back into position, we’re starting again.”
Training after that was silent save for Jungwon’s harsh critiques. Your composure thinned with every minute. When the session was over, you followed him to his car, deep in thought. The car was silent as he drove you home.
You had to say something. Anything. Whatever can get anything response out of him that didn’t sound prerecorded.
You cleared your throat. “Jungwon?”
“What?”
“Is everything okay?” You asked meekly. “You’ve been different all day.”
He rose a brow at you. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, you just seemed cold all day.” You muttered, already regretting ever asking.
“I’m your senior.” He said coldly, not looking at you. “It’s my job to teach you and make sure you’re ready to back me up during the tour. It’s not my job to be best friends with any dancer I work with.”
That comment made your stomach tighten with a twinge of hurt. Sure he didn’t owe you anything and the kiss meant nothing, but damn, calling you ‘any dancer’ really stung. It felt like you were replaceable. What hurt worse is you probably are. You struggled to make it seem fine. Maybe he was just tired. “Okay.” You murmured. “Sorry.”
His car stopped in front of your dorm building. “We’re here.” He said, unlocking the door. “See you tomorrow.”
You opened the door quickly, and slipped out muttering a quiet “bye.”
You trudged into the elevator, head buzzing with confusion, heart heavy with indignation. You finally stepped into your room, letting out an exhausted groan, and toppled onto your bed. You laid there with heavy limbs, staring at the bat plushy on your bed. The one Jungwon gifted you.
“What the fuck’s his problem?” you mumbled your complaints to it. “I get he’s tired but he doesn’t have to be a jerk about it.”
—-
Across the city, a pale light flickered on a computer screen. As you mentally prepared yourself to get up and shower, Jungwon was watching your every breath, every flutter of your lashes with devoted fervor.
“I know baby.” He whispered, stroking your image with his thumb. “I’m so mean to you, aren’t I?” He felt bad. Really, he did. But you just looked so cute when you pouted, what was he supposed to do? “Just a little longer my sweet girl.” He gazed at your exhausted figure with a twisted affection. “I promise, everything will be better when you realize where you belong.” He pressed a soft kiss to the monitor, resting his forehead to the screen. “Just bear with me. Okay?”
—-
The next 3 days fared no better. Jungwon got only colder, stricter. He would practically ignore you during group practice and critique you harshly during the mentoring sessions. No matter how badly you tried to impress him or at least meet his standard it was never enough. He never gave notes or advice, even when you begged for them. He only criticized.
“Are you serious?” He asked flatly. “I told you you were too fast on the beat so now you decided to drag your feet?”
You looked at him bewildered. “Sorry Jungwon I just-“
“I don’t want your excuses right now.” He cut you off, crossing his arms with an unspoken finality. “You’re a professional. Act like it. Run it again.”
Holding back tears of frustration, you grit your teeth through it. You put all of your confusion from the day into the dance, all your frustration and hurt. And it was perfect. There couldn’t any possible negative critique this time. You hit the ending pose, panting, looking at Jungwon hopefully.
But Jungwon stayed silent, his expression unreadable. You waited for his input, advice, something, anything! It mattered to you. You needed him to say you did well. Because you knew you did. But he stayed silent, still observing you with his arms crossed.
“It’s getting late.” He said quietly, turning to grab his things. “Let’s go.”
Something snapped within you. Not sadness, not anger, but a deep malicious resolve. You have had enough of his treatment of you. He doesn’t get to kiss you like you’re the only woman in the world and then act like you’re a nuisance for days on end. He wanted professionalism? He’ll get it. The rose tinted glasses didn’t just fall off, they shattered. You didn’t care if he was your bias. You had enough.
—-
The next day, you walked in with a lump in your throat. You didn’t feel like chatting or interacting with anyone.
“You feeling okay?” Abby asked, tentatively feeling your forehead. “It’s 9 am you’re usually jumping off the walls right now.”
You gave her a tight little smile. “I’m okay.” You reassured her quietly. “Just didn’t sleep very well.”
“That’s a lie, you sleep like a log.” Ria said, folding her arms. “What’s actually going on?”
“I’ll tell you later.” You replied, patting her shoulder in an attempt to convince her that you’re fine. You gave her a little smile.
In that moment, Jungwon walked into the practice room, phone in hand. Your smile dropped.
“Good morning everyone!” He called out, receiving polite responses. From everyone except you. You were busy trying to hide your resentment, to kill your wronged inner self.
You turned with a sigh, grabbing your water bottle off the floor. He shot you a confused look, used to you running up to wish him a good morning and ask questions like a frantic puppy. Well, you’re not giving him the satisfaction anymore.
During the first run through, he called instructions, and you followed them to a tee, silently, emotionlessly. And yet, he didn’t look happy. In fact he looked more on edge than usual. What is his problem?
“Try it again, the transition was sloppy.” He called out to you, mid practice.
“Yes senior.” You droned monotonously, not offering an explanation or an apology, just cold stiff anger.
His face tightened, as if your response offended him. “What was that?”
“I’ll fix it.” You said, not even gracing him with eye contact, keeping your position perfect but clinical.
During break time, you didn’t approach him like you usually would. And he didn’t either. You didn’t spare him a glance. But you could feel his eyes drilling into the back of your head. He was acting like you were nothing yesterday. So why is he acting like you wronged him?
“Back to formation guys, breaks over in five minutes.” Jungwon called out, walking toward you.
You stood up before he could approach you, muttering about needing the bathroom. He stared into the back of your head, his stomach knotting with confusion and a low cold dread. You were avoiding him. He miscalculated and his mission to get you obsessed with him had fallen through. She’s not obsessed. She’s over it. He thought to himself in horror. We can’t have that.
—-
After the group practice Jungwon approached you. You didn’t spare him a glance as he spoke your name. “Yes senior?” You droned.
“We’re working on your turn out today, it was ridiculous.” He said, looming over you. “You were lazy today.”
“My apologies.” You said as you straightened up, staring directly in front of yourself instead of at him. “I’ll fix it.”
Your apology didn’t seem to placate him but only get him even angrier. “I’m not liking your attitude today.” He said, crossing his arms.
“I’m sorry senior.” You repeated again, getting into position. “I’ll work on that too.”
You didn’t allow him to give you another critique. You made sure your run through was flawless. But you weren’t feeling the dance today. And it was absolutely because of the gorgeous asshole standing in front of you.
The song ended and you hit the final pose with no expression. You didn’t immediately look up at him with that adorable hopeful expression you made whenever you waited for his approval. You just stared ahead.
“It lacked feeling.” Jungwon said decisively, reaching for his phone again. “The dance was good, but you lacked substance. Do it again.”
“From a technical standpoint, it was perfect.” You countered flatly.
He looked up at you with a sigh. “Again, with your attitude. It’s like you don’t even care about the tour.” Jungwon said sternly. You stared at him blankly, unaware that his intensity came from fear, not anger. “Do we need to stay here all night until you fix it?”
“We are here to work on technique, no?” You spoke quietly, but with an edge that was getting harder to hide. You clutched your hands to stop the shaking. “If your only critique is my lack of emotion, then I’m going home.”
Jungwon’s jaw tightened as he took a step toward you. “Practice isn’t finished.” He reached for your wrist. “I didn’t say you can leave.”
“You didn’t.” You walked out of reach, grabbing your bag and water bottle. “I did.” You replied, shouldering past him. “Goodnight senior.”
You didn’t look back as you headed out of the building to your ride. The driver thankfully was not a talker and let you sit with your anger in peace. Millions of thoughts raced through your head. I can’t be mad. I need to be reasonable. The kiss was fake. The kiss, the way he got cold, the double standard, it was all feeling too much. A thick lump formed in your throat.
The moment you walked into your dorm, you tossed your bag roughly into the corner of the room, yanking your clothes off with a jagged sharp intensity before plopping into the best face first. But this time it wasn’t to squeal or fawn. It was to let out a frustrated scream into your pillow. You came up for air, looking at the little pale blue bat plushy, feeing completely spent both physically and mentally.
“He’s such a jerk.” You mumbled dejectedly, a bone heavy exhaustion hitting you. “A handsome, evil jerk. I hate him!” You punched your pillow weakly, a tear welling in your eye. “Fucking asshole.”
—-Meanwhile—-
The moment you left Jungwon raced home. He was sweating but it wasn’t from the dance practice. I’m losing her. his mind screamed at him. In his selfish need for you to starve for his attention he instead starved himself of yours. No I can’t lose her now.
He gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles whitened. When he pulled into the garage, he barely had time to shut the door before racing to the elevator to his penthouse. He ran into his room and turned on the monitor with shaking fingers, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood.
“Come on, come on!” He whispered as the screen buffered. “Please!”
Finally, your image popped up on the live feed. He let out a choked sigh of relief and regret. His heart broke at the sight of your curled up, shoulders shaking. You were crying.
“I’m sick of it.” Your sniffles rang through the speaker. “What the fuck did I do to him? Was kissing me really that bad?”
“No..” Jungwon breathed, fists clenching. “No baby, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” How he wanted to reach through the screen and pull you close, wipe your tears and profess his love. He was afraid. What if his coldness scared you off? Would he be able to lure you back? “I’m an idiot, Angel.” He pressed a finger to your face through the screen. “I’ll be good.”
The sharp sound of your ringtone rang through the live feed, cutting through your quiet sobs. Jungwon bristled silently.
“Hello?” You rasped into the receiver.
“Hey girl.” Ria’s voice sounded through the speaker. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” you heaved a wet sigh. “Yeah I’m fine.”
“No, crying doesn’t sound fine.” Ria countered. “Is it Jungwon? He was acting weird to you all day.”
“Not just today.” You muttered, glaring at the ceiling, wiping your eyes. “He’s been like that since Monday. I don’t know what his problem is.”
“I know, baby.” Jungwon whispered, his breath shuddering. “I’m such an asshole.” He tugged at his collar. Why was it so hot in the bedroom all of a sudden? He was repentant. Really, he was. But you were so pretty when you cried. “I’m so sorry, beautiful.”
He listened in on your conversation, whispering his own input as if he was a part of it. He took in every hurt word you said, whispering promises to be nicer, clutching at his clothing, the room suddenly feeling too warm. He pulled his shirt off, shivering at the relief of cool air on his skin.
“You’re so pretty, baby.” He cooed, letting his fingers trail down your figure on the screen. “Your Jungwon is so mean isn’t he? It’s only because he loves you.”
“I don’t know, girl.” You sighed as the lump in your throat finally faded. “If things keep going like this, maybe I can ask Abby to switch partners with me.”
Jungwon’s heart stopped in this throat. No..
“What do you mean by that?” He muttered, his voice no longer affectionate. His hands that were so delicately tracing the contours of your shoulder suddenly curled into shaking fists. “Baby? You don’t fucking mean that.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Ria replied. “Ni-Ki’d be a good fit for you.”
You shrug. “I hope so. I mean, I’ve danced with him before, it was fun.” You shrugged. “Worth a shot.”
“NO.” Jungwon shouted, fists slamming down hard on his desk, rattling the set up with the force of his shaking. “No. Fuck no.” He clenched his jaw with barely contained, obsession fueled panic. “No it isn’t. He’s not a good fit for you, I’m a good fit for you I trained you for ME.”
His breath quickened. “No. No I’m not letting him have you. I made you.” He decided out loud, pacing the room as panic racked through his body, making his head spin. “Fuck…” he slumped down onto the edge of his bed, shaking, his head in his hands. “I can’t lose you now. I’m not letting that happen.” He murmured voice cracking in a fearful anger. “He can’t have you. You’re mine. MINE.”
He stared at your now sleeping body on the screen with a sudden chilling resolve. He knew exactly how he was going to fix it. He knows he messed up trying to make you want him. Feelings are hard to control. But to make you need him? That would be easier.
“Yeah,” he smiled to himself. “I’ll fix it. I promise.”
— To be continued..
@elikajinnie @jongst4rs @cherryw0n @kikizzz0 @strxwbloody @laylasbunbunny
Muse: YJW
(Part 1)
Don't meet your heroes.
They'll always disappoint you.
Don't meet your idols.
They'll never let you go.
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psycho!won x fan! reader, psychological horror
DISCLAIMER: this is for entertainment purposes only this does not reflect my opinion on any mentioned characters
Content Warnings: psycho fanboy Jungwon, manipulation, intimidation, stalking, obsession, gaslighting, tracking, isolation, bodily harm, overworking, Jungwon overall is not a good person here, honestly neither is reader. Reader is gullible and it will be insufferable, that is intentional,
NSFW Content Warnings: None (For now)
It’s crazy how someone can inspire thousands, no, millions of people to create beautiful things. One man, millions of fans, each one more talented than the other. There’s fanartists who could capture the essence of any moment, through drawings. There are cover artists, whose every perfect note, every carefully choreographed dance move was a tribute to their artist. There are impersonators, cosplayers, whose likeness is uncanny. Fanfiction authors. Yes, them too. They put our delusions into words, and that too is a tribute in its own way. All of them, so diverse yet completely the same. They all love their artist. He’s their muse, their idol, the reason they create art in the first place. How crazy is it then, that his muse, his inspiration, his unhealthy obsession is his very own fan?
—-Prologue
Enhypen were known for their moody sultry music and aesthetic which was led by their very own Yang Jungwon, the leader in the group of 7. Thanks to is genius, the kpop group rose in the charts quickly, and violently. Everyone praised not only his abilities but his members’. But times were tough on the group, so the group announced a hiatus.
Many fans were worried, disappointed, but understood that they may need to rest, regroup, recuperate and instead found solace in each other’s work, keeping the fandom alive through their own tributes. Among them rose a few fan artists, getting recognition as minor celebrities in their own right.
It was after this boom of fan interaction that Enhypen came back in full swing with back to back albums, singles, music videos, performances, the works, all to promote their newest album Taste, a refreshing and chilling album with the songs starting light and flirty and progressively getting darker. The album reached global success, with the music video breaking multiple view and replay records. Enhypen’s activities and schedules saw no end.
“-and now I’d like to welcome in our star guests of the evening to talk about their newest album. ladies and gentlemen, we’ve hosted many amazing kpop groups but this one rose to legend status almost immediately. Please help me welcome ENHYPEN!”
The studio erupted into cheering and screams, as 7 men walked into the studio, waving and bowing to the people as they sat down.
“Thank you so much for coming and thank you so much for coming back!” The host exclaimed.
“Thank you for having us.” Heeseung smiled, sending the crowd into squeals. “We happy to be back!”
“Yes, yes, for those of you who don’t know, Enhypen has just released a new album called Taste, correct?”
The group nodded. “Taste: Addiction.” Jungwon added.
“So, Jungwon, as the leader of Enhypen, I have to ask.” A host covering their booming success asked. “What happened? How did you come back so strong?”
Jungwon replied. “Well, we just needed a little time to make something ENGENE could be proud of listening to.”
“Right, and who are ENGENES?”
Heeseung smiled fondly. “ENGENE’s are our fans. They are the driving force behind us, everything is for them.”
“I see so would you say that the fans gave you the push you needed to create music again?”
“Absolutely. While we were on hiatus, I’ve seen so many of the tributes that Engenes made for us.” Jungwon nodded. “Their love for us resonated with me, so we had plenty to be inspired by.” His band members nodded along, replying with their own words of affirmation.
“It’s amazing how much you love your fans, really.” The host grinned, leaning in. “So tell me. Is there a particular fan that caught your attention?”
The members exchanged cautious glances. “Well..” Jungwon started. “Yes. There is a dance cover group that I’m a pretty big fan of.”
“Really? Would to care to share the name?”
“Maybe not this time.” Jungwon chuckled nervously. “I don’t think they want to become overwhelmed by the fans.”
“Why, are they well known?”
“They’re pretty popular.” Jay nodded. “They’re all watches Jungwon nowadays. They’re pretty good I like their videos too.”
“Well, maybe some day you could collab?”
“Maybe some day.” Jungwon shook his head. “But not yet at least.”
After that day, speculations and theories crowded every fan community page, everyone tossing in their guess of who is the mystery group. Countless group names have been dropped, Code9, Koreos, Axis, Luminie, and Engenue, just to name a couple.
Soon, however, the buzz died down as a Weverse notification pinged on every phone.
[Notice] ENHYPEN TASTE:ADDICTION Fan Event Announcement
Hello.
We are excited to announce a one of a kind fan event. 50 fans will be randomly selected in a drawing to be invited to a choreography masterclass with one member of ENHYPEN.
Details to enter drawing:..
—-
“OH MY GOD.” You screamed, sprinting out of your practice room.
“What what what?” Ria shouted, horrified by your sudden burst of energy after you were just planning your own death on the practice room floor. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing..” you grinned. “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s perfect Ria!”
“Clearly not, you’re losing your shit before noon.” She folded her arms.
Wordlessly you held up your phone. She squinted at it. Her lips moved silently as she read the email on her phone. Her eyes widened as she got to the word “congratulations.”
“You’re kidding.” She whispered. “You won?!”
“I won!” You shouted, your screams of excitement being met with her own. “We’re going to see Jungwon up close and personal!”
“Woah hold on we?” She stammered, pressing down on your shoulders to stop your jumping.
“Well yeah.” You shrug, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I can bring a friend. What, you really think you wouldn’t come with me?”
Her face dropped. “And be perceived?” She let out a sound that was something between a scoff and a gasp. “Hell no!”
“Why not?” You crossed your arms. “Ria you’ve been there every step of the of the way with me when we created Engenue. This is gonna be a big thing for us!”
She sighed. “I don’t know girl.”
“C’mon.” You grinned. “It will be worth every second.”
“Fine.”
- -
The time between the email and the day of the masterclass went by like a blur. One moment, you were celebrating your win with your team in LA, and in the next you were overthinking over your outfit in Seoul.
“Girl.” Ria rolled her eyes. “Just pick one. They’re both green.”
You stood in front of her in nothing but a bra and black loose fitting cargo pants, holding two nearly identical tight fitting green crop tops. “Yeah..” you mumbled, staring at the fabric in your hands. “But like…one’s forest green and the other’s army green.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” She gave a shocked laugh. “Look.” She stood up. “I’m wearing army green pants and a black top. So do you want to match or do you want to be different.”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh my God, just wear the army green and let’s go.” She huffed, yanking the forest green top out of your hands.
“Thank youuu.” You replied in a singsong voice, pulling the top over your head.
—-
1 hour left.
You stood in line with Ria and 48 other lucky participants inside the building. Everyone whispered nervously amongst each other, excited giggles breaking through the murmur. The atmosphere was tense with excitement and a weird intimate feel. Like you are just moments away from meeting him. Your idol, Yang Jungwon.
You nervously smoothed out your cargo pants against you legs when you felt a light tap on your elbow. You looked up.
“Sorry.” A girl that looked no older than 16 whispered, her eyes wide with wonder. “Aren’t you guys a part of Engenue?”
You grinned. “Yeah we are.”
Her face lit up. “I watch your guys’ dance videos all the time! You’re really good.”
“Thank you!” Ria smiled at the young girl.
After her, a couple other fans noticed and came up to you and Ria, giving compliments and asking for tips. The conversation helped you relax focusing on your fellow fans instead of nervously wiping your sweaty palms against your crop top every five seconds.
Finally, you were led into a giant practice room. The group was quiet until the slow realization of what this oddly familiar room is hit them simultaneously. This is Enhypen’s practice room. Nervous Whispers and giggles about how real this felt filled the room as you and the others were carefully assigned and positioned to points across the room.
As you warmed up with Ria you heard the doors to the room creak open. You tensed, every muscle and nerve strung with anticipation. The practice room was blanketed with a reverent silence. You stared so hard at the door you were sure you could burn a hole in it. The door opened to reveal..
Enhypen’s choreographer.
The crowd breathed a collective sigh of relief and disappointment. You let out a slightly annoyed tsk before giving Ria a sheepish grin.
“Got riled up for nothing.” You mumbled. She rolled her eyes with an affectionate smirk. “You better breathe now, or you’ll pass out before he walks in.” She whispers, nudging you with her shoulder.
“How are you so calm about this?” You whispered back.
“I’m not.” She replied. “I’m just really good at hiding it.”
You giggled as the room quieted as the choreographer spoke. “Alright ladies and gentlemen, I know you’re ready to see Jungwon in action, but I want to set some ground rules first. And let’s get through them quick because he’s just behind that door.” The room rushed with excited giggles. “Now. Please do not scream, mob, or try to touch Jungwon unless he specifically instructs otherwise. Keep a distance between him and amongst yourselves. Be respectful, pay attention, keep your phones away unless instructed otherwise. Sound good?”
You nodded absentmindedly. You were so close. So close to seeing him. Meeting him. Being perceived by him. Your hands clenched in anticipation. In the tense silence, the door reopened. And suddenly the room was hot. And then cold. And then fuzzy. Shit. There he was.
Yang Jungwon.
Your breath caught in your throat, the sound drowned out by your own hammering heart. He was effortlessly ethereal, an angel in a loose fitting zip up and jeans. He walked into the room with a practiced efficiency, if not with a slight charming tensity. As he stood in the front of the room, everyone was silent, frozen in awe. He watched the crowd, with an awkward little bow.
“Hi everyone!” He smiled brightly. “Are you guys ready to dance?”
The crowd finally broke out of their stupor with excited cheers. He laughed, giving another shy little nod. He’s perfect.
You squeal with the rest of the girls in the giant practice room as he turned his back to the crowd, directing from the mirror. His eyes flicked to you for a second. A rush of giddiness flooded you and you whispered excited little “he looked at me!”’s to Ria who held your arm, partially in moral support partially to stop you from jumping.
“Let’s start with a warm up.” Jungwon said, loud enough for everyone to hear, taking a wider stance.
The masterclass was the best kind of torture as you balanced on the fine edge of doing everything he said and trying not to freak out any time he scanned the room. His technique, his strictness, his demand for perfection yet effortless instruction showed exactly why he was the leader of Enhypen. He didn’t go easy on the class, making sure every move was perfect with strict, ruthless corrections. And he did it with a smile. You followed every move, every command like it was the law.
“Okay everyone, let’s have a quick 5 minute break.” He called out. “Then we’ll try a run through with music.”
He stepped out of the room to safety as the crowd relaxed. You slumped against the nearest mirror, bottle in hand.
“He was definitely looking, girl.” Ria sat next to you, quirking your eyebrows.
You shook your head mid sip. “Don’t make me more delusional than I already am.”
She chuckled, taking a sip from her own. “I’m not, I’m serious.”
“Right.” You rolled your eyes. “Hi Serious.”
The moment Jungwon walked back into the room you shut up, quickly scrambling to your feet and to your spot.
“Alright.” He said, eyes finding yours for just a second, but enough for all your nerves to stand at attention. “Let’s try it with music.”
He was perfect. Effortless. Like this was a walk in the park for him. And the music, it changed you.
You loved to dance since you were a child. Dancing felt like home. And it showed in the way your eyes glazed over and you transformed from nervous fangirl to the main dancer of Engenue, showing exactly why you deserved to be here. Even if it was a random drawing.
You and Jungwon fell in sync, perfect mirror images, not just in form but in power, in energy down to the facial expressions. Heads whipped around, left and right, between the two of you. The other lucky dancers faltered, distracted by the wild movement that was amplified by the mirroring effect. It was like you were possessed by the same music. The drive. The real desperation. It was completely identical.
The song finally ended, and you stood, eyes burning, lungs burning. Suddenly the other dancers began to applaud and cheer for Jungwon. Pride, excitement, gratitude filled heart as you grinned at Ria, trying to catch your breath.
“You were amazing.” She whispered, just loud enough for you to hear through the excited chatter of fans.
“So were you.” You whispered back, head spinning with adrenaline.
“Okay okay, quiet down.” Jungwon shushed the crowd. It baffled you how commanding his presence can be despite how cute he was. “I want to try something. Please step all the way back to the wall.”
Once everyone complied, he walked out to the center of the room. “Who here knows the choreography to Moonstruck?”
A handful of hands went up. You just stared at Jungwon enamored, until Ria smacked your arm. “Oh shit, right.” You shook out of your stupor, raising your hand.
His eyes carefully scanned the crowd. “I want to try it a little differently. I need a volunteer.”
Immediately all hands shot up, even those who didn’t know the choreography. with excited “Me!” “Me!”’s Peppering the chatter. You of course, bounced along with everyone with your hand up, chest pounding with hope. Jungwon’s scanning eye fell on you. And your heart stopped in its chest. He pointed.
“You in the green top.” He said, still pointing.
“Come up here for a minute, what’s your name?” You looked behind you expectantly, just to not make a fool of yourself. Jungwon cleared his throat, beckoning at you. “You’re the only one wearing a green top.”
Me? Your head stopped working. Me? Oh my God ME? HE’S LOOKING AT ME?
“I-uh…” you stammered. “Yeah..I- um..dancing- I mean…sure, I can..”
Ria shoved you forward. Hard. Gaining exactly 2 seconds of consciousness you made your way to toward Jungwon on stiff legs.
Oh my God..Oh my God..Oh my God..
“Hi Jungwon.” You tried to sound confident but your voice came out a hoarse whisper, as you tried to not lose your cool more than you already have. You winced at yourself, knowing exactly how much of an embarrassment you were being.
“Hi!” He smiled. “What’s your name?”
You mumbled your name out quietly, suddenly deeply embarrassed, wanting to crawl out of your skin and hide somewhere.
“You know the dance to Moonstruck, right?”
“Uh-huh..” you nodded slowly, completely stupefied. “I…yeah I know the dance.”
“Great.” He nodded and turned to the crowd. “We’re going to try a partnered dance.” Then his eyes trailed back to yours. “But we’ll do your interpretation.”
“What?” You tensed. There’s no fucking way. “You know my version?”
“You’re one of the dancers from Engenue Studios, right?” He tilted his head, examining you.
“I am. Yes, that’s me, I am.” You mumbled under your breath, nodding. “I’m Engenue.”
He smiled. “So we’re doing Engenue’s couple version of Moonstruck then. You know it don’t you?”
Know it? You created it. Performed it. Months of thought and hard work went into a meticulously choreographed couples dance. You designed it for the man and woman to touch as little as possible, instead opting to create an illusion of intimacy through proximity. Alright fine. I can do this. You swallowed hard. I know this. He’s just a dancer. I got this. HE KNOWS MY WORK. HE’S SEEN ME DANCE I need to calm down.
“Yeah.” You nodded, your voice small. “Yeah I know it.”
“Perfect.” He replied. “Music!”
The delicate beginning poured through surround speakers and suddenly your nerves didn’t matter. The graceful melody possessed you, melting away any fear, leaving only the emotions of the song. You rolled your shoulders back, straightened your back and locked into the moment. Your body fully relaxed, bending and swaying gracefully on muscle memory alone like your were made of water. Jungwon stepped in, easily mimicking your rhythm, your feel, completing the picture of impossible love you were trying to convey.
This wasn’t Enhypen’s usual sharp high energy dance. This was a jagged mix of slow fluidity and quick sharpness, requiring high flexibility and core strength. Anyone who’s seen the work of Engenue would recognize this haunting style as uniquely yours, perfect in its imperfection.
“Just the two of us..”
You lost yourself in the dance. You didn’t see anyone in the room, you didn’t even see Jungwon. You just saw a partner, encircling you, spinning around you so closely your noses nearly touched. But you weren’t nervous. You welcomed it. In that moment, it really was just the two of you. You held his gaze as long as you could before your arms obscured the view. You took a delicate step back, arching away but Jungwon wouldn’t allow it.
“Let me hold you close..”
Jungwon gingerly took both your wrists, pulling you in so close his nose rushed your cheek. Just an accidental skim, barely a touch, and yet it felt like fire against your skin. For a moment you gained clarity, your breath stopping in your lungs as you looked into his eyes. This wasn’t a part of your choreography. He was fully lost in the music, gazing into your eyes so tenderly, it nearly melted your heart. His hands on your wrists were warm, firm, sending sparks directly into your veins. It was beautiful.
It almost made you feel guilty, like you were seeing a part of him you weren’t supposed to. Like who were you to see what Jungwon looks like when he is vulnerable in love? But then again, this is just a performance. An act. And he’s perfect at it.
Before you can second guess yourself you leaned into it, not allowing another misstep. You took charge, putting some respectful space between you two with a few graceful turns and maneuvers, as you led him to the end of the final chorus. The music stopped. The room fell silent, yours and Jungwon’s heavy breaths and the steady hum of the air conditioner the only sound.
“Wow.” Someone in the crowd muttered.
The fans burst into cheers, the sound finally shaking you out of your trance like state. Your head whipped to Jungwon, whose gaze went from longing to clinical professionalism. You stared, desperate to hear what he thought of your performance.
“Not bad.” He said, blowing a lock of hair out of his eyes. “You did stiffen up there at the end, your upper back was completely tensed. But otherwise great form.” As you nodded he didn’t let go of your wrist. “Everyone, notice that I didn’t follow the choreography exactly towards the end. And notice how she tensed up. Dance is not just movement, it’s an act. It’s method. So if you feel in that moment that you can add something even better to the performance do it. However,” his eyes flicked back to you. “It’s also important to expect the unexpected from your partner and not seize when they go off script.”
You nodded vigorously as if trying to shake his words into your brain. “Got it, Jungwon. Thank you for the advice-“ You began to talk but his grip on your wrist tightened. Not tight enough to hurt, not even tight enough to force, just a gentle squeeze telling you to wait. You faltered, face flushed.
“Let’s try that again, with that tip in mind, yeah?” He asked, raising a brow at you expectantly. “You ready?”
“Uh…yeah.” Your face flushed red, still overwhelmed from the shockingly intimate moment you shared with your own bias and now with the anxiety of having to do it again. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Music!”
And you were gone. No nerves, no anxiety or flush, you poured yourself back into the music, hitting every beat with purpose. This wasn’t just muscle memory anymore, it was deliberate, every motion delivered with calculated precision and finesse. As the song neared the final chorus, the tender affection in Jungwon’s eyes darkened with a small eyebrow quirk. Be ready.
With a barely there nod, you knew you had to expect anything. I’m ready.
“Let me hold you close..”
Jungwon’s hands, warm and sure, caught your waist. He pulled you flush against his chest, his breath ghosting across your face. His lips curled into a small challenging smirk. You couldn’t even gasp. Your heart hammered so loudly in your chest you were sure he felt it against his own.
Oh my God, OH MY GOD, Jungwon is holding me Yang fucking Jungwon is holding me in his arms, this isn’t a drill, okay PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER don’t panic THINK OF SOMETHING, he’s waiting, fuck it SPLIT
You wrapped your arms around his neck and let yourself free fall into a split between his legs. His eyes widened in shock but he didn’t falter, clutching your waist tighter, lowering you both to the floor, creating a beautiful silhouette, exactly as you envisioned it. The joint pose came out so well it shocked you. It was like he knew exactly how to position your body, as if he was your partner for years. His expertise was astounding but also you were distracted by the fact that it’s Jungwon, dammit!
The music cut, and you were still frozen, panting. Jungwon stared into your eyes hard as he tried to catch his breath. Slowly, his face melted from hard determination into a broad smile. His eyes shone with pride, captivating your mind to the point of not hearing the crowd go wild for your join performance. His grip on your waist finally loosened and he helped you off the floor, his touch sending sparks through you, despite his hands were all over you just now.
“See that’s what I’m talking about!” He exclaimed proudly. “Great, job. Thank you for demonstrating with me.” He motioned for you to walk back to the mirrored wall, into the excited awaiting crowd. You smiled blankly at the praised and congratulations, your mind focused on nothing, just-
Jungwon Jungwon Jungwon Jungwon
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Ria whispered into your ear, voice fierce with awe. “You killed it up there. And the way he was looking at you? Girl, that was absolutely insane and the split-“
“I danced with Jungwon.” You mumbled deliriously, dumb grin finding its way onto your face as you looked at Jungwon, his voice not even audible over your thundering heart. What you did catch was the way his eyes subtly flicked to you every few minutes.
The masterclass ended with plenty of fanfare. Staff came in to pose the crowd, taking group photos and bringing in merchandise that Jungwon signed for each person. You waited giddily with Ria, album in hand, as if you’re meeting him for the first time as he makes his way down the line, signing gifts that staff handed him.
“For your hard work.” He held out an extra plushy to you with a sweet dimpled smile. His gaze lingered as if he was holding back a secret he was dying to tell you. “Just a little something extra for helping me demonstrate today.”
Your heart swelled at the recognition. It was a funny little thing, no larger than the palm of your hand, a light blue bat with a star on its eye. You held back a squeal.
“Thank you so much! Really I appreciate it!” You bowed continuously, carefully taking it from his outstretched hands. They lingered for just a second, fingertips accidentally brushing yours. That felt more intimate than any touch, grab or caress during the dance. Your face flamed. “Thank you! Thank you so much!” You babbled, just to drown out the screams in your own head. “Really I-you don’t know how much this means to me. Thank you!”
He gave a flustered chuckle before bowing a little and turning his attention to the next fan. And you? You were on cloud 9. As he said his goodbyes amongst cheers and left, you turned to Ria with a grin that could only be described as glee in its purest form.
“Ria!” You whisper screamed as you clutched the plush tightly to your chest like it might run away. “I can’t believe it. Look at the foot! It’s signed!”
She chuckled, ushering you out of the HYBE building. “You just danced with the Jungwon, who wouldn’t stop looking at you by the way, and you’re excited over a plushy key chain?” As you nodded, she laughed, shaking her head. “Honestly I don’t blame you.”
You grinned. “I’m literally never parting with it.”
—- meanwhile
Jungwon, the perfect, poised image of a global idol walked back with the staff to Enhypen’s private practice room, politely greeting oncoming staff and answering necessary questions as he went.
“I’m just going to try a sequence I had in mind. You go ahead.” He waved them off, stepping into the room, closing the door with a decisive click. The facade crashed.
He slumped to the floor against the mirrored wall, shaking. His heart thundered loud in his ears, breathing coming to him heavy. And yet, a rush of pure euphoria filled him. He couldn’t stop replaying the dance with you in his head. The way you looked at him, face mirroring the devotion that he felt, the way your hands trembled under his touch, the way you mouthed the words of the song like you meant them. He finally did it. He saw you up close.
“Oh my God.” He muttered into his hands, a shaky grin spreading across his lips. “I can’t believe it.”
The door to the practice room creaked open and Jay poked his head in. Seeing Jungwon’s jellified state, he smirked. “Saw the Engenue dancers made it. How was it?”
Jungwon lifted his head up, eyes shining with pure star struck bliss. “Jay-hyung. I saw her. She was right in front of me!” He whispered as if he didn’t trust his own voice. “She danced with me, she touched me, she…she’s real!”
Jay chuckled, plopping on the floor in front of Jungwon. “That good, huh?”
“She’s even prettier in person, Jay-hyung!” Jungwon exclaimed, beaming with excitement. “You should have seen the way she danced, the way her face glowed! She’s everything.”
“Told you the masterclass would be a good idea.” Jay quirked his brow. “At least now you’ll calm down and lock in after seeing her, right?”
“Yeah.” Jungwon murmured absentmindedly, unlocking his phone and opening up a live feed, staring into it with intense focus. “Yeah, right. Lock in.” An odd, secretive little smile worked its way onto his face, one of a dark, almost smug satisfaction. “Yeah I’ll definitely lock in now.”
—-
You flew back to LA in a constant buzz of pure joy, cuddling the small plush keychain in your hand.
“It really is cute.” Ria smiled down at it as you stroked it reverently with your thumb.
“I know.” You sighed, squishing it softly in your hand. “Not as cute as Jungwon though. This is one of the craziest core memories, let me tell you.”
“How did it feel?” She tilted her head at you.
You answered a shy wistful smile. “He’s a lot stronger than I expected. And his hands are so warm. And he smells so good, even after dancing for hours.”
Ria shook her head with a knowing grin. “Don’t get all delusional now.”
“I won’t.” You promised with a giggle. “Just…gonna appreciate the memory.”
By the time you landed in LA, the envlog showcasing the masterclass blew up. Everyone was wondering who the girl with the blurred out face was, who was lucky enough to dance with Jungwon. The one who had Jungwon watching her like she hung the moon.
—-
With how busy you are, you almost missed the notification. But you must have gotten lucky.
ENHYPEN TASTE:ADDICTION
WORLD TOUR: MUSE
Concert Information
Hello.
We are excited to announce another drawing. 40 front row seats will be raffled off to 20 lucky fans to the Los Angeles stop of the MUSE world tour. No purchase required. Fill out the application below to participate in the raffle.
You and Ria exchanged glances. “What are the odds?”
She shrugged. “Worth a shot.”
Thousands, no, millions of fans, including you filled out the application. As the world nervously waited for the deadline, the announcement, you lost yourself in your team. Engenue had their work cut out for them, with ENHYPEN releasing 8 new songs that need multiple versions of fan choreographies. If you’re busy, you don’t have time to get your hopes up.
You were back in LA, in the Engenue Studios practice room dancing to a DPR Ian track when Ria walked in, clutching her phone.
“It’s here.” Ria said quietly, holding up her phone for you to see. On it, an unopened email from HYBE. She looked relaxed but the tension in her shoulders gave her away. She was just as nervous as you are. “Did you get it?”
“Yeah.” You all but whispered, looking down at the notification. “On 3?” She nodded.
“1..2..3!”
She looked up at you, disappointed but not surprised. “Didn’t get it.” She said with a sad little smile, holding up her phone, apology email on display.
You didn’t even notice. You widened eyes were fixed to the message. “I did.” You replied, monotonously, too shocked to freak out properly.
“What?” She exclaimed, clutching your phone, angling it to see better. “You’re kidding…” she murmured, skimming the edge of the phone with her fingers like it was magical. “There’s no way.”
“I guess there is.” You whispered back. “2 seats.”
Ria’s eyes shifted between you and the phone. You nodded, face breaking into a grin.
You both broke into excited squeals like children, hugging tightly. “We’re getting barricade for sure!”
Ria pulled away with a teasing smirk. “Of course we will. You’re the luckiest person alive apparently, 2 raffles in a month.” She laughed. “Almost like someone is looking out for you.”
“Yeah sure.” You scoffed. “Of course they are.“
—-
The day of the concert loomed near, with everyone, ENHYPEN and fans alike getting frantically ready. You stood with arm in arm Ria hand clutching the barricade railing, dressed to the nines.
“I’m so excited!” You whispered to Ria. She agreed with a small squeeze to your hand, watching the other 20 thousand fans buzz with excitement.
Backstage, stylists, managers and interns with clipboards bustled about, frantically preparing the 7 member band for the show ahead. Jungwon sat in his makeup chair, fully immersed in the video playing on his phone, humming Beautiful by DPR Ian. He was watching the video like he was trying to commit every single frame to memory.
“Boys we’re on in 5!” A staff member called as he passed by.
Jungwon looked up from his phone, eyes slightly dazed. “Alright.” He murmured to practically himself. “I’ll be right there.”
“Are you alright?” Jay raised a brow at him. “You’ve been weird all day, constantly your phone.”
“Hm? It’s nothing.” Jungwon locked his phone. “Let’s go.”
The group made their way to the stage, just a few feet away from the rest of the world. Jungwon peaked around the corner to survey the crowd. Suddenly his eyes found your face, laughing along with fans at barricade, so close he could see your eyes shining. You looked beautiful. Radiant. Jungwon’s chest pounded at the sight of you. After meticulously, no religiously following your dance career over 2 years, you’re finally right in front of him. Below him. Frustratingly within reach yet so far. A nervous shudder threaded his nerves. What if he made a fool of himself?
“Jungwon?”
He jolted back, pressing his back against the wall, eyes wide, face flushed. He was shaking.
“Woah.” Heeseung rushed out to steady him. “You okay? Stage fright?”
Jungwon’s unfocused gaze flitted to him. “Hyung.” He whispered, voice tight with nerves and reverence. “She’s here!”
“Who?” Heeseung raised a brow. Then it hit him. A slow teasing smirk spread across his face. “That Engenue girl, huh? The one you never shut up about?”
Jungwon nodded. “I don’t think I can-“
“Yes you can.” Heeseung scoffed. “Remember. She’s your fan. She’s here to see you. She’s expecting a show from you tonight.You got this.”
Jungwon took a deep breath. “Yeah.” He smiled. “She’s my fan.” My fan. Mine.
Heeseung’s little pep talk did have an effect on Jungwon. Just an unexpected one. And so he knew what he had to do. He had to put on a show like never before, like rent was due in the morning. All for you. Only for you.
—-
The show was like nothing you’ve seen before. Nothing of this magnitude. You screamed along to every song, jumping up and down, heart bursting with joy. Your face hurt from smiling. The boys, although you’ve seen them perform before, outdid themselves. They danced like their lives depended on it. And Jungwon.
Jungwon seemed to favor your section, interacting with the fans closest to you, sending them into squeals and screams anytime he’d get close. You couldn’t have asked for a better day. This was it. This was everything. During ments, the crowd went quiet.
“Thank you LA!” Jungwon shouted, sending the crowd into cheers. “I know we’ve been away for sometime, but don’t worry, we’re here now. Did you miss us?” You went wild with the rest of the stadium. Jungwon chuckled, shushing the crowd. “While we were gone, we were thinking of ways we could make it up to ENGENE, what kind of album we’d want to give you.
And well, we were inspired by-“ he faltered, staring into your section. Into you. He cleared his throat. “By um…” He gave a sheepish chuckle, awkwardly combing his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, everyone, I-uh…I’m just a little nervous. There is someone here, who I deeply respect, who has been a great inspiration to me. A choreographer who’s incredibly talented.” He gazed into your eyes, catching your breath. You clenched onto your lightstick, trying to ground yourself. There’s no way he’s talking about me. Right? Not possible. He wouldn’t even know I choreograph. You convinced yourself to climb out of your delusions.
“I won’t say who for now, but they know who are. I’m really honored to see them here today.” Amongst the cheers of the crowd, he smiled at you, a soft lingering smile, as he turned back to the front. For the rest of the evening, you couldn’t concentrate on anything but him and the tension headache that was building in your temples from all your screaming.
The encore was its own monster. As ENHYPEN performed Helium, running across the stage, interacting with fans, you screamed your heart out to the lyrics, holding your phone out for the perfect shot. You were busy recording Jake and Heeseung messing around when a firm looking chest obscured the view. You looked up to see Jungwon loom directly in front of you. You screamed, half in shock, half in glee. He laughed, giving a little wave amongst screaming fans and held his hand out. “Phone” he mouthed.
Without a second thought, you tossed your phone to him. He caught it with ease, turning around to take a selfie with you and other fans. You didn’t care how you looked and smiled as hard as you could, along with Ria and the fans around you. You held out your arms, ready to catch your phone back. But he didn’t throw it. Instead he made his way off stage to the barricade, much to the joy of all the ENGENE’s. He walked toward you, eyes fixed and phone in hand, that beautiful lingering smile still playing on his lips. Your stomach flipped with nerves.
“There’s no way!” You screamed. “There’s no way.”
He stood directly in front of you, tantalizingly close, enough to reach out and touch you. Suddenly, the world went mute. You could my hear anything, not the song, not the fans. The only thing you were able to perceive is him. He handed the phone back to you, taking extra care to make sure it didn’t drop or get snatched. His care was so expected yet so overwhelming for you. Like of course he was responsible, he’s the leader of one of the biggest groups in the world. Of course he had to be attentive. But it’s also Jungwon.
You were blushing mess at this point. “Thank you!” You shouted over the cheers. “Thank you Jungwon!”
He didn’t respond, just smiling at you fondly, before reaching over your head to brush loose confetti off of your head. You froze, feeling his hand carefully carding through your locks. It was just a second, a brief touch, but it was enough. Enough for you to fully register what is happening, and for the fans to scream in excitement, and maybe a little jealousy.
“I-“ you couldn’t even speak as he walked away, back onto the stage. What the fuck was that?
—-
“Girl I’m telling you.” Ria sighed as you made your way out of the stadium together. “You’re lucky as hell.”
You grinned, still dazed. “I know.”
Ria took your hand, seeing you stumbling over your heels. “Let’s see if we can use that luck for fansigns now, hm?”
You nodded solemnly eliciting a laugh from her. “I’ll see what I can do.”
You finally made it to your shared apartment, and bid each other goodnight. You showered, toweled off and dressed into a tank top and panties before settling into your cool sheets, hair still damp. You held the small plush key chain in your hands, reminiscing of the unforgettable night before lulling yourself into a deep sleep.
And yet somewhere in a Los Angeles hotel, unbeknownst to you someone is guarding your sleep with shaking reverence, worshipping every sleepy sigh like it was sacred.
For months, many people debated the identity of “blurred face” and “confetti girl” both moments going viral. Thankfully for you, the media is assuming they are different people.
Months have passed since that fateful concert when the producer of Engenue Studios, Erin, called you and Ria in for a meeting. “We’re getting bought out.”
—-
You furrowed your brow. “What do you mean bought out?”
“I mean literally.” She said numbly, like she herself couldn’t believe it. “I just spoke to Dani. Apparently she got an offer and it was too good to refuse.”
That didn’t make sense. Dani, the owner of the studio, built it on her own dime from scratch for you and Ria. She wouldn’t not consult you. Sure it was her property, her business but she wouldn’t leave you out of your own fate would she?
“It better be fucking good, what the fuck?” Ria seethed. “Why didn’t Dani call us?”
“You were on the plane.” The manager responded.
“That was 4 months ago!” You exclaimed. “Why is she telling us this now?”
You didn’t let Erin respond, and dialed Dani. “Dani what the fu-“
“Hear me out.” She cut you off. “I know you’re mad I didn’t talk to you. But this is a really good opportunity for you and you’d be too scared to take so I made an executive decision. The company is a pretty big deal.”
“WHAT?”
“Yeah, they wanted a group that will function as a dance team. You know, performing alone, but also performing as back up for the idols.”
“Why didn’t they just do auditions like they usually do?” Ria asked over the speaker.
“They wanted recognizable dancers, ones that won’t have to cover their faces and apparently, they got an internal suggestion.” Dani replied, her exasperation audible. “Listen, don’t freak out, they won’t be breaking us up too much. The studio will remain here, just the name will change.”
“Alright fine.” You nod hesitantly.
“And a few girls are gonna tried as background dancers for ENHYPEN’S next tour.”
“Huh?” Your eyes nearly popped out of your head.
“You heard me.”
“Who?” You mustered out.
Dani replied with a long string of names. “Scouts are coming by next week to do a final selection.”
“I…alright.” You hung up not knowing how to feel.
Your company got absorbed. Bought out and you didn’t even know. Now you’re label mates with Enhypen. . How does that even happen? What does this mean for Engenue? How will all this change? You thought to yourself as you practiced choreo absentmindedly.
You went home with Ria, bidding her a quiet night and slipping into your room. After a shower that consisted mainly of staring into the wall you came back into you room, toweling off and dressing in a cami and panties. Same routine, yet everything felt so different. You slid under the covers and held the small plushy over your head, examining it.
“Something weird’s going on. How did we just get traded like that? That doesn’t happen. Right? But at least I get to see Enhypen again.” You murmur to it, cuddling it close to your chest. “We’ll figure it out. It’s you and me against the world, plushy.” You stifle a laugh at your own childishness and drift off to sleep.
In a private Seoul studio, Jungwon smiled softly at his phone, stroking your sleeping image with his finger with a possessive reverence. His eyes shown with a worshipful adoration so intense that if you’d ever see him like this, he knew it would scare you.
“Yeah.” He whispered, his thumb pressing against the image of your lips. “You and me against the world, beautiful.”
—-
The next few weeks flew by in a blur of changes. 12 girls from your studio were chosen auditioned and 7 including you selected to go to Korea for a few months of training. While the agency wanted you to move to Korea indefinitely, you advocated for a split in residence, spending a few months in the U.S, and a few months in Korea, leading up to the tour.
“It’s just not feasible.” You shook your head, not backing down in front of the representative. “It would be different if it was a solo thing, but we’re just back up dancers. This is a trial run, isn’t it? We can’t justify uprooting our entire lives for a trial run.”
“Alright.” She finally sighed. “We can have you come in 3 month increments. Housing provided.”
In a deal that ended in shook hands and signed contracts, you left the building with Ria. “You think a lot will change?” You asked quietly.
“God I hope not.” She replied.
The flight to Seoul was long and uneventful, but at least you had your girls with you. Together you stepped into the agency building, memories of the masterclass coming back to you. You craned your neck as you passed any open door hoping to catch a glimpse. The day groaned on with paperwork, rules, choreographers, producers, run throughs. You were thoroughly exhausted, feeling wrung out like a wet rag. Despite the exhaustion, you were thrumming with nervous excitement. They’re in here somewhere.
“Alright ladies, rest up in here for a bit, then we’ll explain the logistics of the tour in a few minutes.” The guide who will now be your new manager smiled warmly, leading the group to a practice room. It was a little smaller than the other one but still just as pristine.
“What do you think we’re waiting for?” Abby asked, plopping down on the ground.
“I don’t know.” You replied, plopping down on the ground next to her, fully laying down. “Probably gonna give us more shit to sign.” You were getting impatient. “When do you think we’ll meet the members?” You huffed, rolling over onto your stomach.
When Ria opened her mouth to speak, the door swung open. You scrambled up to your knees.
In walked a manager, followed by the members of Enhypen. The very men you’ve been employed to dance with. The air in the room split. The group members walked in with relaxed smiles and polite expressions greetings.
Your heart stopped in your chest. Your palms clammed up immediately, your eyes were blown. This is the third time that Jungwon walks into a space, and his eyes fall directly to you. Whether it’s respect or recognition, the warm intensity of his eyes knocked the breath out of you. You scrambled up to your feet as he walked toward you.
“Glad to see you again!” He smiled brightly, reaching for your hand. You took it, nearly fumbling as you gave him a weak handshake.
You glanced around the room, seeing the members of Enhypen try to make small talk with your petrified, star struck teammates. You would have found it funny if you weren’t in the same predicament. Not Ria though. She’s a professional at keeping cool as she easily made small talk with Jake.
“Yeah, I…” you coughed. “I was really surprised when we found out we’d be working with you guys. It’s really an honor, you are really-“
“C’mon.” He chuckled cutting you off gently. “I’m just Jungwon. We’re teammates for the next year, you don’t have to sing my praises.”
But how could you not? You looked down, seeing he still hasn’t let go of your hand. You pulled it out of his grip. He let go, yet an odd blank look flashed in his eyes.
“I’ll try not to.” You offered a timid smile. “Sooo…” you turned away to look at the girls, the panic in their faces easing into a respectful excitement. “Are we starting today?”
“Today?” Jungwon shook his head. “No of course not! You just landed, you’re tired. We just came in to meet our partners for the comeback.”
“Oh.” God I really suck at interactions don’t I?
“You know,” Jungwon turned to you, his eyes oddly soft. “I’ve seen Engenue’s covers.”
Although it’s not news, the fact that he’s seen your work still brings and excited shiver down your spine. You shrug off your flusteredness. Or try to.
“Technically we’re called KORA now.” You say, nearly spitting the word. You hated that they asked you to change the team name.
“Either way.” Jungwon continued. “You really stand out, you know that?”
Oh my God he thinks I stand out. Does that mean good or bad? Wait what if he means I need to step out? You look back towards Ria, in attempt to hide your burning face but dammit every single wall is mirrored. You caught his warm gaze in the mirror. “I…how many of our covers have you watched?”
“Just a few.” He shrugged. “That’s why I know I could count on you for a good demonstration.“
“Thank you!” You muttered, barely containing your own embarrassment. “I honestly don’t know how to accept this recognition and I’m nowhere near as talented as you are-“
“You don’t have to be so nervous around me.” Jungwon took a step back to your relief. “You’re really talented and have potential for a lot of work here.”
You smiled back finally, turning your head to look at him. The butterflies in your stomach eased just a little. “I’m not there yet. Still have a lot of things to perfect.”
“There’s always room for improvement.” He said, his eyes lighting up. “I can mentor you for some time! You know, get you where you want to be.”
Your eyes widened. “You’d do that? Wouldn’t it be too much on you?”
“Well, I offered, didn’t I?” He answered with a light chuckle. “It’s no different than the masterclass. Just think about it, okay?”
As much as you loved Jungwon, you wanted this interaction to be over. Being the subject of his undivided attention was just too much. But the opportunity was too good to pass up. “Alright.” You have a slight nod. “I’ll think about it. Thank you.”
The time went on with polite conversation with the rest of the and a few attempts at the new dances. Getting acquainted with Enhypen slowly felt easier, even if your eyes were glued to Jungwon nearly the entire time. How could you not stare when he is that stunning? Or more accurately, how can you not stare back?
—-
The next day, you stood with your team just outside the practice room doors, dressed in casual practice wear with bags and water bottles. You stared at the door, barely breathing.
“Walk in first.” Abby pushed you to the door of the practice room where the men were practicing, their stomps and loud music audible through the door.
“Why do I have to do it?” You hissed. “You do it!”
“You’re the senior!”
“Ria’s older than me!” You argued, pushing back.
“Hey, no, don’t rope me into this.” Ria spoke up. “You’re the team lead.”
You stared back at her. She crossed her arms, not budging.
“Ugh, fine.” You opened the door of the room, peaking in to find ENHYPEN practicing.
Your jaw almost hit the floor. Seeing the boys in concert was one thing. Seeing them perform up close was another. Mesmerized, you took a hesitant step forward. The track cut, filling the space with the boys’ labored panting.
“Let’s take a quick break.” Jungwon breathed out, grabbing his waterbottle off the floor taking a greedy swig. You couldn’t help but stare at him, the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he drank. He was a Greek god in a black wifebeater tight against his toned chest, sweat glistening off his bare shoulders. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. You looked away into the mirrored wall. Your reflection stared back at you confirming how hard you’re blushing.
“Thank God!” Jake sighed, before looking up, catching you and the rest of the girls walking in. “Oh!” A friendly smile spread across his face. “Hey guys!”
“Hi!” Ria smiled back, letting her bag drop to the floor. The team quickly followed suit, shedding bags and hoodies. You yanked your sweater over your head, leaving yourself in a cropped mock neck.
Jungwon nearly choked on his water. “Oh hi ladies!” He set down his bottle with a sheepish smile. “The choreographer just stepped out, but we can get started now.”
The practice went well. Jungwon was attentive, professional, and most of all strict. And you loved it. There was nothing better than a disciplined teacher who requires perfection.
“Keep your elbow in on the turn.” He said, pressing your elbow into your side. You nodded, fixing it.
“Keep your head up.”
“Posture, posture!”
“That turn needs to be tighter.”
Every correction came with a touch. A hand on between your shoulder blades, a finger under your chin, a light scuff at your feet. By the end of practice, you were sore, out of breath, and deeply humbled.
“Let’s call it a day.” Heeseung huffed. “I need sleep.”
You slump onto the floor against the mirror, focusing on your breathing. Your head swam with exhaustion and a deep satisfaction after a good training session. You went for a sip of water from your bottle only to find it empty. You groaned, pushing your self up to steal Ria’s water bottle.
“You okay?” You heard a deep voice above you. You looked up.
“Oh, Ni-Ki!” You scrambled to your feet. “Hi!”
“Woah slow down.” He chuckled, helping you steady yourself against the mirror. “You good?”
“To be honest I got a headache and I’m cockeyed and I can hear colors.” You gave a self deprecating laugh.
“That’s because you’re dehydrated.” He chuckled. He held out an unopened waterbottle. “Here.”
You took the water with a grateful smile. As the two groups slowly filed out of the room, a warm hand clasped your arm. You froze, turning around to see Jungwon, his zip up open, that damn tank top underneath. Your eyes momentarily flicked down to his torso, immediately embarrassed.
“Yes Jungwon?” You asked, suddenly looking anywhere but him. “Was there something you needed?”
His tired eyes brightened. “You’re still nervous.” He chuckled. “Have you thought about my offer?”
“Oh, uh..” you frantically looked out to your friends. “Yeah. Yeah I did.”
“And?” He tilted his head, his gaze expectant.
“I’d be honored if you’d mentor me.” You smiled, to mask or ease your nerves. His eyes softened into that kind warmth you found yourself obsessing over.
“Perfect!” He let go of your arm, instead leading you out of the building with a hand on your back. “Then we’ll start tomorrow. Stay after practice a bit, okay?”
“‘Kay!” You grinned, excitement already buzzing in your veins as he walked you to the manager’s awaiting car. “I’ll see you then.”
“Good night!” He smiled, helping you into the car.
On the way home, you leaned against Ria’s shoulder, feeling warm and fuzzy, but also strung with a giddy joy. Starting tomorrow, you will be a protégée to one of the biggest kpop idols in the world.
—-
The next day, practice was as expected. Jungwon led with an iron grip and a dimpled smile, confusing but also disarming you. He was introducing the title track choreography. The one that may get the most hate, if Bite Me from before was any indication.
“Guys, Taste is the title track, we need to get it right.” He warned, showing us the dance video again. “This is the pair dance, so we’ll need you girls to really put in some effort, this dance isn’t easy. Pair up and remember. This is your partner for the full tour so please be kind and accommodating.” Jake looked to Ria who was already looking at Heeseung.
Jungwon looked up at you immediately. His eyes softened for just a second. “You’re with me.” He said it with so much confidence you had no room to argue.
You gave a hesitant nod. It only made sense, right? He’s your mentor now, of course he’d partner with you. Yet you felt a cold pang in your stomach at his insistence. Would you be able to keep up?
“Alright, let’s run it again, with partners now.” Jungwon called, leading you to your spot by the elbow. “Music!”
It didn’t get easier from there. You’d hoped that partnering with Jungwon would be simpler, considering you’re most familiar to him. But that familiarity came with a harsher standard of perfection.
“Posture!”
“Focus!”
“Come on, you know better!” He barked out corrections like a drill sergeant.
“Yes Jungwon.” You mumbled.
Jungwon finally announced a five minute break. You heaved a pant as you took a sip of water, every muscle tight with overexertion.
Jungwon slumped next to you, shoulder to shoulder. As if on instinct your back immediately straightened. He looked at you with a drained grin.
“Relax.” He chuckled. “We’re on break.”
“I know.” You offered a smile, the butterfly’s in your stomach never fading. “It’s habit now.”
“Hm.” He took a sip of water. “You do know I’m only hard on you because you’re already a great dancer, right?”
You nodded. “Yeah I know.”
“So you’ll stay after?”
The thought made your heart jump with excitement. A solo training session with THE Yang Jungwon. Your bias. The object of your delusions. He turned his head at your silence, eyes finding yours. The eye contact made made you lose your ability to think.
“Uh..” you mumbled, trying to sound nonchalant, but your shaking voice gave you away. “Yeah. Of course.”
“Good.” He nodded with a smirk. “Don’t expect me to go easy on you though.” Damn.
“I know.” You sighed.
Practice wrapped up quickly after that. It almost felt like the dances were rushed through.
Jungwon shrugged when you brought it up after practice. “We still have tomorrow to refine. We just needed a basis.”
Ria walked up behind you, slinging her arm around your shoulder as you grabbed your bag off the floor. “Ready to go back?”
“I’m not going yet.” You replied, zipping up the bag.
“What?” She furrowed her brow. “Why not?”
“Jungwon asked me to stay for some training after.” You replied, heat spreading through your cheeks.
A slow knowing grin crept its way onto Ria’s face. “One on One?” She wiggled her brows. “With Jungwon??”
“I know!!” You shoved her lightly, face now rivaling a traffic light. “Go home.”
“You better call me and tell me everything.” She laughed, walking toward the exit. “Have fun!”
Heaving a sigh to settle your stomach, you turned back into the practice room. Jungwon was already waiting, fiddling with his phone, leaning against the cool mirror. His hoodie was half way on, one shoulder bare in a way that made you think, what’s the point of wearing the hoodie at all? Lean, toned, messy hair, he was perfect. He looked up, his gaze finding yours. His eyes were commanding, sharp like he was measuring your every breath.
“You ready?” He asked breaking the silence, his voice a mix of friendly and professional.
“I guess so.” You forced a smile through your nerves. “What song’s first?”
“We’re not working on choreo.” He set his phone down, walking toward you. His hand pressed between your shoulder blades, straightening your back. His touch sent electricity down your spine. He tapped your chin, a reminder to keep your head straight. “We’re working on technique.”
—
Jungwon was an amazing teacher. During practice with everyone, he was tough but fair. But with just you, he was a different kind of monster, one with sky high expectations and an intolerance for tiredness. And if you were too tired, he would grab your arms and position you himself. His touch was firm, yet lingering. The heady mix sent your brain and heart into confusion, flustered, but with a gnawing worry about being professional. He was exactly the kind of mentor you hoped for, but damn it was so distracting.
For the next two weeks, you’d stay with him after hours, and he did not show mercy, even if your run through was good. Nothing impressed him, there was always room for improvement and you were okay with it. You wanted that perfection as much as he did. You were a willing student if nothing else.
That came to ahead one day. You were exhausted. Spent. Barely standing. And Jungwon was the exact image of a strict instructor. Your sequence was perfect. But..
“I’m not worried about the accuracy of the choreo right now. I’m worried about how you keep locking up.” He folded his arms, with a determined frown. “We aren’t stopping until you get the turn right. Do it again.”
The comment made you crumple in defeat. You’ve already done the turn like 9 times, each time spinning faster, keeping your back straighter, your moves tighter. Yet he was never satisfied.
“Again.”
“Again.”
“Again.”
“Jungwon..” You protested, shaking with exhaustion. “If you don’t like how I do the turn then do it yourself and show me.”
He raised his brows at you. His cold gaze made you freeze in place. Never in your life did you ever think to lip off to Jungwon, and the fact that you did shocked both him and you. You swallowed nervously, hating the silence that followed. It would have been better if he yelled, or made a mean comment, anything to drown out your racing heart but no. He never yelled, he was never rude. Right now you almost wished he was instead of staring into you. Damn, for someone with such a cute face, he had some piercing eyes.
“Alright.” He murmured, his lips forming into a tight lipped challenging smirk. “I’ll do it. But if I show you, I’m not letting you go home until you do 5 perfect turns.”
“Fine.” You replied, folding your arms against your chest, your voice meeker than you intended.
“Watch.” He said, playing the track from the chorus.
He entered the sequence seamlessly, as if he created it himself. He moved like water, each step and movement smooth and deliberate, sharp enough to show all the tiny nuances that nobody but you or your team would catch. Then came the turn. The turn, sharp and quick in nature, still had to be fluid gentle. He landed on his right leg, tensing it just enough to catch himself, but never locking. That shit was hard to nail. And yet, he did it perfectly with no warm up.
“Wow.” You muttered.
Jungwon made it look too easy. His sharp eyes flicked to you as he caught his breath. You turned away quick, trying to hide your shameless awe. He smiled.
“Your turn.” He said, motioning with his head. “Center.”
You had no choice but to comply, waking forward shoulders slumped. And immediately.
“Posture!”
With a silent groan you straightened up, trying your best not to look as tired. You followed his moves to a tee, keeping the same slight tension in the right thigh, fluid movement, sharp transition, turn. You gritted your teeth, willing yourself not to lock up again. You looked up at him, eyes hopeful, pleading.
Jungwon’s stony expression melted into one of calm satisfaction. His approval went directly to your chest, blooming a deep pride that you were finally able to impress him. Yang Jungwon is impressed by me. Oh my God, I finally did it.
“That was beautiful. See?” He smiled excitedly. “I told you you could do it. Now,” he tilted his head, his eyes darkened ever so slightly in a smug demand. “Do it again.”
Damn it. You hung your head. You hoped he’d forgotten his little rule, but no. He watched you like a hawk, following your every move like he was memorizing your form, with the slightest hint of pride in his face. Your tiredness was overtaken by a severe motivation to impress him.
“Again.” You pushed yourself harder.
“Again.” You spun faster.
“Perfect! Again!” With newfound energy you threw yourself into the routine, despite all of your muscles’ protest.
You executed the turn with precision and grace, landing on your right leg. But you didn’t land. Your foot caved under the strain. A sharp, screaming pain exploded through your ankle and spread like lightning. You gasped, falling to the floor with a sickening thud.
“FUCK!” You screamed into the ground, half in pain half in frustration.
You grit your teeth as you held your ankle, curled up on the floor. Shit. Of course. Of course it had to be on the last run through. Of course it had to be in front of Jungwon.You looked up at him, tears pricking your eyes in pain and shame.
Jungwon’s gaze was unreadable. You half expected him to tell you how disappointed he is, make you get up, but he turned on his heel and left the practice room. You stared incredulously at the empty spot on the floor where he stood, clutching your ankle, struggling to sit up. Did he just…leave me here? You swallowed a lump in your throat, fingers gingerly pressing the swollen tender bruise.
“Don’t try to move it.”
You looked up to see Jungwon walking back into the practice room holding a small red box. He knelt in front of you, opening the box with focus.
You opened your mouth to defend yourself. “Jungwon I-“
“Shhh.” He soothed, lifting your foot onto his knee. He pulled off your shoe with almost trembling care. It was overwhelming, seeing him like this. You furrowed your brow, willing the butterflies in your stomach to dissolve.
“You don’t have to-“
“It’s okay.” He said quietly. “Let me help.”
He checked the sprain, gingerly pressing his fingers against the swelling bruise, wincing sympathetically when you yelped in pain.
“I know.” He murmured, gently rubbing the featherlight circles into the tender skin. “I know it hurts. You’re okay.” He reached into the box, pulling out a roll of gauze. He met your gaze with grounding concern.
“This is gonna hurt.” He warned as he took your hand, guiding it to his arm. “Grab on.” He said. “Squeeze if it hurts too much, okay?”
You nodded, flustered at his sudden tenderness. He set your foot in the correct angle. You gasped in pain, digging your fingers into the flesh of his forearm as he gently maneuvered the joint.
“Just a little more.” He whispered, “I’m almost done, you’re doing so good.”
You froze. Is.. he talking me through it? Your face burned wildly, nearly forgetting the pain until he turned your ankle some more. You let out a pained whimper, clutching onto his arm. He froze for a moment, eyes widening. You must have squeezed his arm too tight.
You watched him wrap your set ankle in gauze, his movements slow and almost reverent. It amazed you how quickly he went from strict and unforgiving, to tender and attentive. He pressed a cooling pack against your ankle.
“Can you stand?” He asked, pulling you up just enough to find your footing.
“I think so.” You mumbled, trying to take a step. Pain shot through your ankle. “I don’t think so.”
Jungwon sighed, eyebrows knitting together in thought. “Come here.” He took your arm, wrapping it around his broad shoulders, helping you stand upright. “Put your weight on me.”
You shook your head. “No it’s okay,” you tried to sound more polite than flustered. “I don’t want to burden-“
He wrapped his arm tightly around your waist. “Come on.” He said, helping you hop along to the exit.
Instead of a manager’s van, he led (carried) you to his own car, situating you in the passenger seat. You curled in, a gnawing feeling of guilt marring your stomach. He didn’t have to do all this. I’m just a back up dancer.
“I don’t want to be a bother.” You murmured staring into your lap. “You need rest too.”
He didn’t even look at you. “It’s not a bother.” He said quietly.
The drive was mostly quiet, intense, charged with electricity and something darker. When you arrived at your building, he insisted of helping you get into your dorm. You agreed reluctantly, knowing you’ll never make it on your own, but very nervous about him being inside your dorm. Shit, did I leave anything out? You mentally checked your entire dorm, hoping and begging your posters of him were put away, not hung up yet.
“Make sure you stay off of it for a while.” He said flatly. “Can’t have another injury risk.”
“Okay.” You nodded as he helped you to your bedroom. “Thanks for your help, Jungwon.” You added quietly, still embarrassed at the tenderness he showed you.
He didn’t look at you, as he grabbed his keys. “Yeah, not a problem. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye.” You called after him, waiting for the front door to click shut before immediately dialing Ria to fill her in.
“Dude.” You muttered as soon as you heard her sleepy greeting.
“What?”
“You’ll never guess what happened.” You filled her in on exactly everything that happened, the dance, the fall, the care. For that entire hour, you and Ria squealed over his concern, overanalyzing every word not even remembering the pain.
—-meanwhile
Jungwon gripped his steering wheel, knuckles white. He was like a wire pulled taught, barely even breathing, clenching his teeth so hard he shook. Tears shone in his eyes.
“I hurt her.” He whispered to himself, voice tight with anger at himself. “I fucking hurt her.”
A hot tear spilled over his cheek. He hated himself for hurting what he worshipped most. But all he wanted was for you to be a perfect mirror image. An exact match to him, something trained by him for him. Was that so wrong? No. He has a right to you, to your perfect form, affection, recognition.
His heart broke as he recalled how you looked at him, wide eyed and teary, pained from the fall, flustered from his care. It took all of his self restraint to not pull you close, kiss the pain away, wipe your tears, tell you he’s not going anywhere. Yet he reveled in the way you looked at him like he was your savior.
“The kpop industry is cruel.” he whispered to himself. “If I don’t break her myself, the industry will destroy her.” A twisted justification for his obsession bloomed in his mind. “And if she must break, she must be broken gently and put back together with the utmost care like she deserves. She deserves all the care. All the love and devotion. Nobody’s able to provide that.” His lips curled into an odd smile as he admired the satin hairtie stretched around his wrist, a memento of you stolen from your dorm. “Nobody but me.”
The moment he stepped into his home he tapped into the live feed, finding your sleeping form curled around the plushy he gifted you. You were so beautiful, so fragile. He couldn’t help but feel guilty, seeing y ou wince in pain in your sleep. “Just wait a little longer, my angel.” He whispered with dark tenderness, stroking the screen. “I’ll make everything better. I promise.”
-To be continued…
@jongst4r
@cherryw0n
@elikajinnie
AAAAAAAAAH I FINALLY GOT IT OUT
Yall I spent way too much time and brain cells on it, but guys, this is my first dark fic and series so I hope you like it! Part 2 tomorrow.
Muse: YJW
(Part 1)
Don't meet your heroes.
They'll always disappoint you.
Don't meet your idols.
They'll never let you go.
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psycho!won x fan! reader, psychological horror
WC: 11k
DISCLAIMER: this is for entertainment purposes only this does not reflect my opinion on any mentioned characters
Content Warnings: psycho fanboy Jungwon, manipulation, intimidation, stalking, obsession, gaslighting, tracking, isolation, bodily harm, overworking, Jungwon overall is not a good person here, honestly neither is reader. Reader is gullible and it will be insufferable, that is intentional,
NSFW Content Warnings: None (For now)
It’s crazy how someone can inspire thousands, no, millions of people to create beautiful things. One man, millions of fans, each one more talented than the other. There’s fanartists who could capture the essence of any moment, through drawings. There are cover artists, whose every perfect note, every carefully choreographed dance move was a tribute to their artist. There are impersonators, cosplayers, whose likeness is uncanny. Fanfiction authors. Yes, them too. They put our delusions into words, and that too is a tribute in its own way. All of them, so diverse yet completely the same. They all love their artist. He’s their muse, their idol, the reason they create art in the first place. How crazy is it then, that his muse, his inspiration, his unhealthy obsession is his very own fan?
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
—prologue
Enhypen were known for their moody sultry music and aesthetic which was led by their very own Yang Jungwon, the leader in the group of 7. Thanks to is genius, the kpop group rose in the charts quickly, and violently. Everyone praised not only his abilities but his members’. But times were tough on the group, so the group announced a hiatus.
Many fans were worried, disappointed, but understood that they may need to rest, regroup, recuperate and instead found solace in each other’s work, keeping the fandom alive through their own tributes. Among them rose a few fan artists, getting recognition as minor celebrities in their own right.
It was after this boom of fan interaction that Enhypen came back in full swing with back to back albums, singles, music videos, performances, the works, all to promote their newest album Taste, a refreshing and chilling album with the songs starting light and flirty and progressively getting darker. The album reached global success, with the music video breaking multiple view and replay records. Enhypen’s activities and schedules saw no end.
“-and now I’d like to welcome in our star guests of the evening to talk about their newest album. ladies and gentlemen, we’ve hosted many amazing kpop groups but this one rose to legend status almost immediately. Please help me welcome ENHYPEN!”
The studio erupted into cheering and screams, as 7 men walked into the studio, waving and bowing to the people as they sat down.
“Thank you so much for coming and thank you so much for coming back!” The host exclaimed.
“Thank you for having us.” Heeseung smiled, sending the crowd into squeals. “We happy to be back!”
“Yes, yes, for those of you who don’t know, Enhypen has just released a new album called Taste, correct?”
The group nodded. “Taste: Addiction.” Jungwon added.
“So, Jungwon, as the leader of Enhypen, I have to ask.” A host covering their booming success asked. “What happened? How did you come back so strong?”
Jungwon replied. “Well, we just needed a little time to make something ENGENE could be proud of listening to.”
“Right, and who are ENGENES?”
Heeseung smiled fondly. “ENGENE’s are our fans. They are the driving force behind us, everything is for them.”
“I see so would you say that the fans gave you the push you needed to create music again?”
“Absolutely. While we were on hiatus, I’ve seen so many of the tributes that Engenes made for us.” Jungwon nodded. “Their love for us resonated with me, so we had plenty to be inspired by.” His band members nodded along, replying with their own words of affirmation.
“It’s amazing how much you love your fans, really.” The host grinned, leaning in. “So tell me. Is there a particular fan that caught your attention?”
The members exchanged cautious glances. “Well..” Jungwon started. “Yes. There is a dance cover group that I’m a pretty big fan of.”
“Really? Would to care to share the name?”
“Maybe not this time.” Jungwon chuckled nervously. “I don’t think they want to become overwhelmed by the fans.”
“Why, are they well known?”
“They’re pretty popular.” Jay nodded. “They’re all watches Jungwon nowadays. They’re pretty good I like their videos too.”
“Well, maybe some day you could collab?”
“Maybe some day.” Jungwon shook his head. “But not yet at least.”
After that day, speculations and theories crowded every fan community page, everyone tossing in their guess of who is the mystery group. Countless group names have been dropped, Code9, Koreos, Axis, Luminie, and Engenue, just to name a couple.
Soon, however, the buzz died down as a Weverse notification pinged on every phone.
[Notice] ENHYPEN TASTE:ADDICTION Fan Event Announcement
Hello.
We are excited to announce a one of a kind fan event. 50 fans will be randomly selected in a drawing to be invited to a choreography masterclass with one member of ENHYPEN.
Details to enter drawing:..
—-
“OH MY GOD.” You screamed, sprinting out of your practice room.
“What what what?” Ria shouted, horrified by your sudden burst of energy after you were just planning your own death on the practice room floor. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing..” you grinned. “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s perfect Ria!”
“Clearly not, you’re losing your shit before noon.” She folded her arms.
Wordlessly you held up your phone. She squinted at it. Her lips moved silently as she read the email on her phone. Her eyes widened as she got to the word “congratulations.”
“You’re kidding.” She whispered. “You won?!”
“I won!” You shouted, your screams of excitement being met with her own. “We’re going to see Jungwon up close and personal!”
“Woah hold on we?” She stammered, pressing down on your shoulders to stop your jumping.
“Well yeah.” You shrug, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I can bring a friend. What, you really think you wouldn’t come with me?”
Her face dropped. “And be perceived?” She let out a sound that was something between a scoff and a gasp. “Hell no!”
“Why not?” You crossed your arms. “Ria you’ve been there every step of the of the way with me when we created Engenue. This is gonna be a big thing for us!”
She sighed. “I don’t know girl.”
“C’mon.” You grinned. “It will be worth every second.”
“Fine.”
- -
The time between the email and the day of the masterclass went by like a blur. One moment, you were celebrating your win with your team in LA, and in the next you were overthinking over your outfit in Seoul.
“Girl.” Ria rolled her eyes. “Just pick one. They’re both green.”
You stood in front of her in nothing but a bra and black loose fitting cargo pants, holding two nearly identical tight fitting green crop tops. “Yeah..” you mumbled, staring at the fabric in your hands. “But like…one’s forest green and the other’s army green.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” She gave a shocked laugh. “Look.” She stood up. “I’m wearing army green pants and a black top. So do you want to match or do you want to be different.”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh my God, just wear the army green and let’s go.” She huffed, yanking the forest green top out of your hands.
“Thank youuu.” You replied in a singsong voice, pulling the top over your head.
—-
1 hour left.
You stood in line with Ria and 48 other lucky participants inside the building. Everyone whispered nervously amongst each other, excited giggles breaking through the murmur. The atmosphere was tense with excitement and a weird intimate feel. Like you are just moments away from meeting him. Your idol, Yang Jungwon.
You nervously smoothed out your cargo pants against you legs when you felt a light tap on your elbow. You looked up.
“Sorry.” A girl that looked no older than 16 whispered, her eyes wide with wonder. “Aren’t you guys a part of Engenue?”
You grinned. “Yeah we are.”
Her face lit up. “I watch your guys’ dance videos all the time! You’re really good.”
“Thank you!” Ria smiled at the young girl.
After her, a couple other fans noticed and came up to you and Ria, giving compliments and asking for tips. The conversation helped you relax focusing on your fellow fans instead of nervously wiping your sweaty palms against your crop top every five seconds.
Finally, you were led into a giant practice room. The group was quiet until the slow realization of what this oddly familiar room is hit them simultaneously. This is Enhypen’s practice room. Nervous Whispers and giggles about how real this felt filled the room as you and the others were carefully assigned and positioned to points across the room.
As you warmed up with Ria you heard the doors to the room creak open. You tensed, every muscle and nerve strung with anticipation. The practice room was blanketed with a reverent silence. You stared so hard at the door you were sure you could burn a hole in it. The door opened to reveal..
Enhypen’s choreographer.
The crowd breathed a collective sigh of relief and disappointment. You let out a slightly annoyed tsk before giving Ria a sheepish grin.
“Got riled up for nothing.” You mumbled. She rolled her eyes with an affectionate smirk. “You better breathe now, or you’ll pass out before he walks in.” She whispers, nudging you with her shoulder.
“How are you so calm about this?” You whispered back.
“I’m not.” She replied. “I’m just really good at hiding it.”
You giggled as the room quieted as the choreographer spoke. “Alright ladies and gentlemen, I know you’re ready to see Jungwon in action, but I want to set some ground rules first. And let’s get through them quick because he’s just behind that door.” The room rushed with excited giggles. “Now. Please do not scream, mob, or try to touch Jungwon unless he specifically instructs otherwise. Keep a distance between him and amongst yourselves. Be respectful, pay attention, keep your phones away unless instructed otherwise. Sound good?”
You nodded absentmindedly. You were so close. So close to seeing him. Meeting him. Being perceived by him. Your hands clenched in anticipation. In the tense silence, the door reopened. And suddenly the room was hot. And then cold. And then fuzzy. Shit. There he was.
Yang Jungwon.
Your breath caught in your throat, the sound drowned out by your own hammering heart. He was effortlessly ethereal, an angel in a loose fitting zip up and jeans. He walked into the room with a practiced efficiency, if not with a slight charming tensity. As he stood in the front of the room, everyone was silent, frozen in awe. He watched the crowd, with an awkward little bow.
“Hi everyone!” He smiled brightly. “Are you guys ready to dance?”
The crowd finally broke out of their stupor with excited cheers. He laughed, giving another shy little nod. He’s perfect.
You squeal with the rest of the girls in the giant practice room as he turned his back to the crowd, directing from the mirror. His eyes flicked to you for a second. A rush of giddiness flooded you and you whispered excited little “he looked at me!”’s to Ria who held your arm, partially in moral support partially to stop you from jumping.
“Let’s start with a warm up.” Jungwon said, loud enough for everyone to hear, taking a wider stance.
The masterclass was the best kind of torture as you balanced on the fine edge of doing everything he said and trying not to freak out any time he scanned the room. His technique, his strictness, his demand for perfection yet effortless instruction showed exactly why he was the leader of Enhypen. He didn’t go easy on the class, making sure every move was perfect with strict, ruthless corrections. And he did it with a smile. You followed every move, every command like it was the law.
“Okay everyone, let’s have a quick 5 minute break.” He called out. “Then we’ll try a run through with music.”
He stepped out of the room to safety as the crowd relaxed. You slumped against the nearest mirror, bottle in hand.
“He was definitely looking, girl.” Ria sat next to you, quirking your eyebrows.
You shook your head mid sip. “Don’t make me more delusional than I already am.”
She chuckled, taking a sip from her own. “I’m not, I’m serious.”
“Right.” You rolled your eyes. “Hi Serious.”
The moment Jungwon walked back into the room you shut up, quickly scrambling to your feet and to your spot.
“Alright.” He said, eyes finding yours for just a second, but enough for all your nerves to stand at attention. “Let’s try it with music.”
He was perfect. Effortless. Like this was a walk in the park for him. And the music, it changed you.
You loved to dance since you were a child. Dancing felt like home. And it showed in the way your eyes glazed over and you transformed from nervous fangirl to the main dancer of Engenue, showing exactly why you deserved to be here. Even if it was a random drawing.
You and Jungwon fell in sync, perfect mirror images, not just in form but in power, in energy down to the facial expressions. Heads whipped around, left and right, between the two of you. The other lucky dancers faltered, distracted by the wild movement that was amplified by the mirroring effect. It was like you were possessed by the same music. The drive. The real desperation. It was completely identical.
The song finally ended, and you stood, eyes burning, lungs burning. Suddenly the other dancers began to applaud and cheer for Jungwon. Pride, excitement, gratitude filled heart as you grinned at Ria, trying to catch your breath.
“You were amazing.” She whispered, just loud enough for you to hear through the excited chatter of fans.
“So were you.” You whispered back, head spinning with adrenaline.
“Okay okay, quiet down.” Jungwon shushed the crowd. It baffled you how commanding his presence can be despite how cute he was. “I want to try something. Please step all the way back to the wall.”
Once everyone complied, he walked out to the center of the room. “Who here knows the choreography to Moonstruck?”
A handful of hands went up. You just stared at Jungwon enamored, until Ria smacked your arm. “Oh shit, right.” You shook out of your stupor, raising your hand.
His eyes carefully scanned the crowd. “I want to try it a little differently. I need a volunteer.”
Immediately all hands shot up, even those who didn’t know the choreography. with excited “Me!” “Me!”’s Peppering the chatter. You of course, bounced along with everyone with your hand up, chest pounding with hope. Jungwon’s scanning eye fell on you. And your heart stopped in its chest. He pointed.
“You in the green top.” He said, still pointing.
“Come up here for a minute, what’s your name?” You looked behind you expectantly, just to not make a fool of yourself. Jungwon cleared his throat, beckoning at you. “You’re the only one wearing a green top.”
Me? Your head stopped working. Me? Oh my God ME? HE’S LOOKING AT ME?
“I-uh…” you stammered. “Yeah..I- um..dancing- I mean…sure, I can..”
Ria shoved you forward. Hard. Gaining exactly 2 seconds of consciousness you made your way to toward Jungwon on stiff legs.
Oh my God..Oh my God..Oh my God..
“Hi Jungwon.” You tried to sound confident but your voice came out a hoarse whisper, as you tried to not lose your cool more than you already have. You winced at yourself, knowing exactly how much of an embarrassment you were being.
“Hi!” He smiled. “What’s your name?”
You mumbled your name out quietly, suddenly deeply embarrassed, wanting to crawl out of your skin and hide somewhere.
“You know the dance to Moonstruck, right?”
“Uh-huh..” you nodded slowly, completely stupefied. “I…yeah I know the dance.”
“Great.” He nodded and turned to the crowd. “We’re going to try a partnered dance.” Then his eyes trailed back to yours. “But we’ll do your interpretation.”
“What?” You tensed. There’s no fucking way. “You know my version?”
“You’re one of the dancers from Engenue Studios, right?” He tilted his head, examining you.
“I am. Yes, that’s me, I am.” You mumbled under your breath, nodding. “I’m Engenue.”
He smiled. “So we’re doing Engenue’s couple version of Moonstruck then. You know it don’t you?”
Know it? You created it. Performed it. Months of thought and hard work went into a meticulously choreographed couples dance. You designed it for the man and woman to touch as little as possible, instead opting to create an illusion of intimacy through proximity. Alright fine. I can do this. You swallowed hard. I know this. He’s just a dancer. I got this. HE KNOWS MY WORK. HE’S SEEN ME DANCE I need to calm down.
“Yeah.” You nodded, your voice small. “Yeah I know it.”
“Perfect.” He replied. “Music!”
The delicate beginning poured through surround speakers and suddenly your nerves didn’t matter. The graceful melody possessed you, melting away any fear, leaving only the emotions of the song. You rolled your shoulders back, straightened your back and locked into the moment. Your body fully relaxed, bending and swaying gracefully on muscle memory alone like your were made of water. Jungwon stepped in, easily mimicking your rhythm, your feel, completing the picture of impossible love you were trying to convey.
This wasn’t Enhypen’s usual sharp high energy dance. This was a jagged mix of slow fluidity and quick sharpness, requiring high flexibility and core strength. Anyone who’s seen the work of Engenue would recognize this haunting style as uniquely yours, perfect in its imperfection.
“Just the two of us..”
You lost yourself in the dance. You didn’t see anyone in the room, you didn’t even see Jungwon. You just saw a partner, encircling you, spinning around you so closely your noses nearly touched. But you weren’t nervous. You welcomed it. In that moment, it really was just the two of you. You held his gaze as long as you could before your arms obscured the view. You took a delicate step back, arching away but Jungwon wouldn’t allow it.
“Let me hold you close..”
Jungwon gingerly took both your wrists, pulling you in so close his nose rushed your cheek. Just an accidental skim, barely a touch, and yet it felt like fire against your skin. For a moment you gained clarity, your breath stopping in your lungs as you looked into his eyes. This wasn’t a part of your choreography. He was fully lost in the music, gazing into your eyes so tenderly, it nearly melted your heart. His hands on your wrists were warm, firm, sending sparks directly into your veins. It was beautiful.
It almost made you feel guilty, like you were seeing a part of him you weren’t supposed to. Like who were you to see what Jungwon looks like when he is vulnerable in love? But then again, this is just a performance. An act. And he’s perfect at it.
Before you can second guess yourself you leaned into it, not allowing another misstep. You took charge, putting some respectful space between you two with a few graceful turns and maneuvers, as you led him to the end of the final chorus. The music stopped. The room fell silent, yours and Jungwon’s heavy breaths and the steady hum of the air conditioner the only sound.
“Wow.” Someone in the crowd muttered.
The fans burst into cheers, the sound finally shaking you out of your trance like state. Your head whipped to Jungwon, whose gaze went from longing to clinical professionalism. You stared, desperate to hear what he thought of your performance.
“Not bad.” He said, blowing a lock of hair out of his eyes. “You did stiffen up there at the end, your upper back was completely tensed. But otherwise great form.” As you nodded he didn’t let go of your wrist. “Everyone, notice that I didn’t follow the choreography exactly towards the end. And notice how she tensed up. Dance is not just movement, it’s an act. It’s method. So if you feel in that moment that you can add something even better to the performance do it. However,” his eyes flicked back to you. “It’s also important to expect the unexpected from your partner and not seize when they go off script.”
You nodded vigorously as if trying to shake his words into your brain. “Got it, Jungwon. Thank you for the advice-“ You began to talk but his grip on your wrist tightened. Not tight enough to hurt, not even tight enough to force, just a gentle squeeze telling you to wait. You faltered, face flushed.
“Let’s try that again, with that tip in mind, yeah?” He asked, raising a brow at you expectantly. “You ready?”
“Uh…yeah.” Your face flushed red, still overwhelmed from the shockingly intimate moment you shared with your own bias and now with the anxiety of having to do it again. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Music!”
And you were gone. No nerves, no anxiety or flush, you poured yourself back into the music, hitting every beat with purpose. This wasn’t just muscle memory anymore, it was deliberate, every motion delivered with calculated precision and finesse. As the song neared the final chorus, the tender affection in Jungwon’s eyes darkened with a small eyebrow quirk. Be ready.
With a barely there nod, you knew you had to expect anything. I’m ready.
“Let me hold you close..”
Jungwon’s hands, warm and sure, caught your waist. He pulled you flush against his chest, his breath ghosting across your face. His lips curled into a small challenging smirk. You couldn’t even gasp. Your heart hammered so loudly in your chest you were sure he felt it against his own.
Oh my God, OH MY GOD, Jungwon is holding me Yang fucking Jungwon is holding me in his arms, this isn’t a drill, okay PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER don’t panic THINK OF SOMETHING, he’s waiting, fuck it SPLIT
You wrapped your arms around his neck and let yourself free fall into a split between his legs. His eyes widened in shock but he didn’t falter, clutching your waist tighter, lowering you both to the floor, creating a beautiful silhouette, exactly as you envisioned it. The joint pose came out so well it shocked you. It was like he knew exactly how to position your body, as if he was your partner for years. His expertise was astounding but also you were distracted by the fact that it’s Jungwon, dammit!
The music cut, and you were still frozen, panting. Jungwon stared into your eyes hard as he tried to catch his breath. Slowly, his face melted from hard determination into a broad smile. His eyes shone with pride, captivating your mind to the point of not hearing the crowd go wild for your join performance. His grip on your waist finally loosened and he helped you off the floor, his touch sending sparks through you, despite his hands were all over you just now.
“See that’s what I’m talking about!” He exclaimed proudly. “Great, job. Thank you for demonstrating with me.” He motioned for you to walk back to the mirrored wall, into the excited awaiting crowd. You smiled blankly at the praised and congratulations, your mind focused on nothing, just-
Jungwon Jungwon Jungwon Jungwon
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Ria whispered into your ear, voice fierce with awe. “You killed it up there. And the way he was looking at you? Girl, that was absolutely insane and the split-“
“I danced with Jungwon.” You mumbled deliriously, dumb grin finding its way onto your face as you looked at Jungwon, his voice not even audible over your thundering heart. What you did catch was the way his eyes subtly flicked to you every few minutes.
The masterclass ended with plenty of fanfare. Staff came in to pose the crowd, taking group photos and bringing in merchandise that Jungwon signed for each person. You waited giddily with Ria, album in hand, as if you’re meeting him for the first time as he makes his way down the line, signing gifts that staff handed him.
“For your hard work.” He held out an extra plushy to you with a sweet dimpled smile. His gaze lingered as if he was holding back a secret he was dying to tell you. “Just a little something extra for helping me demonstrate today.”
Your heart swelled at the recognition. It was a funny little thing, no larger than the palm of your hand, a light blue bat with a star on its eye. You held back a squeal.
“Thank you so much! Really I appreciate it!” You bowed continuously, carefully taking it from his outstretched hands. They lingered for just a second, fingertips accidentally brushing yours. That felt more intimate than any touch, grab or caress during the dance. Your face flamed. “Thank you! Thank you so much!” You babbled, just to drown out the screams in your own head. “Really I-you don’t know how much this means to me. Thank you!”
He gave a flustered chuckle before bowing a little and turning his attention to the next fan. And you? You were on cloud 9. As he said his goodbyes amongst cheers and left, you turned to Ria with a grin that could only be described as glee in its purest form.
“Ria!” You whisper screamed as you clutched the plush tightly to your chest like it might run away. “I can’t believe it. Look at the foot! It’s signed!”
She chuckled, ushering you out of the HYBE building. “You just danced with the Jungwon, who wouldn’t stop looking at you by the way, and you’re excited over a plushy key chain?” As you nodded, she laughed, shaking her head. “Honestly I don’t blame you.”
You grinned. “I’m literally never parting with it.”
—- meanwhile
Jungwon, the perfect, poised image of a global idol walked back with the staff to Enhypen’s private practice room, politely greeting oncoming staff and answering necessary questions as he went.
“I’m just going to try a sequence I had in mind. You go ahead.” He waved them off, stepping into the room, closing the door with a decisive click. The facade crashed.
He slumped to the floor against the mirrored wall, shaking. His heart thundered loud in his ears, breathing coming to him heavy. And yet, a rush of pure euphoria filled him. He couldn’t stop replaying the dance with you in his head. The way you looked at him, face mirroring the devotion that he felt, the way your hands trembled under his touch, the way you mouthed the words of the song like you meant them. He finally did it. He saw you up close.
“Oh my God.” He muttered into his hands, a shaky grin spreading across his lips. “I can’t believe it.”
The door to the practice room creaked open and Jay poked his head in. Seeing Jungwon’s jellified state, he smirked. “Saw the Engenue dancers made it. How was it?”
Jungwon lifted his head up, eyes shining with pure star struck bliss. “Jay-hyung. I saw her. She was right in front of me!” He whispered as if he didn’t trust his own voice. “She danced with me, she touched me, she…she’s real!”
Jay chuckled, plopping on the floor in front of Jungwon. “That good, huh?”
“She’s even prettier in person, Jay-hyung!” Jungwon exclaimed, beaming with excitement. “You should have seen the way she danced, the way her face glowed! She’s everything.”
“Told you the masterclass would be a good idea.” Jay quirked his brow. “At least now you’ll calm down and lock in after seeing her, right?”
“Yeah.” Jungwon murmured absentmindedly, unlocking his phone and opening up a live feed, staring into it with intense focus. “Yeah, right. Lock in.” An odd, secretive little smile worked its way onto his face, one of a dark, almost smug satisfaction. “Yeah I’ll definitely lock in now.”
—-
You flew back to LA in a constant buzz of pure joy, cuddling the small plush keychain in your hand.
“It really is cute.” Ria smiled down at it as you stroked it reverently with your thumb.
“I know.” You sighed, squishing it softly in your hand. “Not as cute as Jungwon though. This is one of the craziest core memories, let me tell you.”
“How did it feel?” She tilted her head at you.
You answered a shy wistful smile. “He’s a lot stronger than I expected. And his hands are so warm. And he smells so good, even after dancing for hours.”
Ria shook her head with a knowing grin. “Don’t get all delusional now.”
“I won’t.” You promised with a giggle. “Just…gonna appreciate the memory.”
By the time you landed in LA, the envlog showcasing the masterclass blew up. Everyone was wondering who the girl with the blurred out face was, who was lucky enough to dance with Jungwon. The one who had Jungwon watching her like she hung the moon.
—-
With how busy you are, you almost missed the notification. But you must have gotten lucky.
ENHYPEN TASTE:ADDICTION
WORLD TOUR: MUSE
Concert Information
Hello.
We are excited to announce another drawing. 40 front row seats will be raffled off to 20 lucky fans to the Los Angeles stop of the MUSE world tour. No purchase required. Fill out the application below to participate in the raffle.
You and Ria exchanged glances. “What are the odds?”
She shrugged. “Worth a shot.”
Thousands, no, millions of fans, including you filled out the application. As the world nervously waited for the deadline, the announcement, you lost yourself in your team. Engenue had their work cut out for them, with ENHYPEN releasing 8 new songs that need multiple versions of fan choreographies. If you’re busy, you don’t have time to get your hopes up.
You were back in LA, in the Engenue Studios practice room dancing to a DPR Ian track when Ria walked in, clutching her phone.
“It’s here.” Ria said quietly, holding up her phone for you to see. On it, an unopened email from HYBE. She looked relaxed but the tension in her shoulders gave her away. She was just as nervous as you are. “Did you get it?”
“Yeah.” You all but whispered, looking down at the notification. “On 3?” She nodded.
“1..2..3!”
She looked up at you, disappointed but not surprised. “Didn’t get it.” She said with a sad little smile, holding up her phone, apology email on display.
You didn’t even notice. You widened eyes were fixed to the message. “I did.” You replied, monotonously, too shocked to freak out properly.
“What?” She exclaimed, clutching your phone, angling it to see better. “You’re kidding…” she murmured, skimming the edge of the phone with her fingers like it was magical. “There’s no way.”
“I guess there is.” You whispered back. “2 seats.”
Ria’s eyes shifted between you and the phone. You nodded, face breaking into a grin.
You both broke into excited squeals like children, hugging tightly. “We’re getting barricade for sure!”
Ria pulled away with a teasing smirk. “Of course we will. You’re the luckiest person alive apparently, 2 raffles in a month.” She laughed. “Almost like someone is looking out for you.”
“Yeah sure.” You scoffed. “Of course they are.“
—-
The day of the concert loomed near, with everyone, ENHYPEN and fans alike getting frantically ready. You stood with arm in arm Ria hand clutching the barricade railing, dressed to the nines.
“I’m so excited!” You whispered to Ria. She agreed with a small squeeze to your hand, watching the other 20 thousand fans buzz with excitement.
Backstage, stylists, managers and interns with clipboards bustled about, frantically preparing the 7 member band for the show ahead. Jungwon sat in his makeup chair, fully immersed in the video playing on his phone, humming Beautiful by DPR Ian. He was watching the video like he was trying to commit every single frame to memory.
“Boys we’re on in 5!” A staff member called as he passed by.
Jungwon looked up from his phone, eyes slightly dazed. “Alright.” He murmured to practically himself. “I’ll be right there.”
“Are you alright?” Jay raised a brow at him. “You’ve been weird all day, constantly your phone.”
“Hm? It’s nothing.” Jungwon locked his phone. “Let’s go.”
The group made their way to the stage, just a few feet away from the rest of the world. Jungwon peaked around the corner to survey the crowd. Suddenly his eyes found your face, laughing along with fans at barricade, so close he could see your eyes shining. You looked beautiful. Radiant. Jungwon’s chest pounded at the sight of you. After meticulously, no religiously following your dance career over 2 years, you’re finally right in front of him. Below him. Frustratingly within reach yet so far. A nervous shudder threaded his nerves. What if he made a fool of himself?
“Jungwon?”
He jolted back, pressing his back against the wall, eyes wide, face flushed. He was shaking.
“Woah.” Heeseung rushed out to steady him. “You okay? Stage fright?”
Jungwon’s unfocused gaze flitted to him. “Hyung.” He whispered, voice tight with nerves and reverence. “She’s here!”
“Who?” Heeseung raised a brow. Then it hit him. A slow teasing smirk spread across his face. “That Engenue girl, huh? The one you never shut up about?”
Jungwon nodded. “I don’t think I can-“
“Yes you can.” Heeseung scoffed. “Remember. She’s your fan. She’s here to see you. She’s expecting a show from you tonight.You got this.”
Jungwon took a deep breath. “Yeah.” He smiled. “She’s my fan.” My fan. Mine.
Heeseung’s little pep talk did have an effect on Jungwon. Just an unexpected one. And so he knew what he had to do. He had to put on a show like never before, like rent was due in the morning. All for you. Only for you.
—-
The show was like nothing you’ve seen before. Nothing of this magnitude. You screamed along to every song, jumping up and down, heart bursting with joy. Your face hurt from smiling. The boys, although you’ve seen them perform before, outdid themselves. They danced like their lives depended on it. And Jungwon.
Jungwon seemed to favor your section, interacting with the fans closest to you, sending them into squeals and screams anytime he’d get close. You couldn’t have asked for a better day. This was it. This was everything. During ments, the crowd went quiet.
“Thank you LA!” Jungwon shouted, sending the crowd into cheers. “I know we’ve been away for sometime, but don’t worry, we’re here now. Did you miss us?” You went wild with the rest of the stadium. Jungwon chuckled, shushing the crowd. “While we were gone, we were thinking of ways we could make it up to ENGENE, what kind of album we’d want to give you.
And well, we were inspired by-“ he faltered, staring into your section. Into you. He cleared his throat. “By um…” He gave a sheepish chuckle, awkwardly combing his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, everyone, I-uh…I’m just a little nervous. There is someone here, who I deeply respect, who has been a great inspiration to me. A choreographer who’s incredibly talented.” He gazed into your eyes, catching your breath. You clenched onto your lightstick, trying to ground yourself. There’s no way he’s talking about me. Right? Not possible. He wouldn’t even know I choreograph. You convinced yourself to climb out of your delusions.
“I won’t say who for now, but they know who are. I’m really honored to see them here today.” Amongst the cheers of the crowd, he smiled at you, a soft lingering smile, as he turned back to the front. For the rest of the evening, you couldn’t concentrate on anything but him and the tension headache that was building in your temples from all your screaming.
The encore was its own monster. As ENHYPEN performed Helium, running across the stage, interacting with fans, you screamed your heart out to the lyrics, holding your phone out for the perfect shot. You were busy recording Jake and Heeseung messing around when a firm looking chest obscured the view. You looked up to see Jungwon loom directly in front of you. You screamed, half in shock, half in glee. He laughed, giving a little wave amongst screaming fans and held his hand out. “Phone” he mouthed.
Without a second thought, you tossed your phone to him. He caught it with ease, turning around to take a selfie with you and other fans. You didn’t care how you looked and smiled as hard as you could, along with Ria and the fans around you. You held out your arms, ready to catch your phone back. But he didn’t throw it. Instead he made his way off stage to the barricade, much to the joy of all the ENGENE’s. He walked toward you, eyes fixed and phone in hand, that beautiful lingering smile still playing on his lips. Your stomach flipped with nerves.
“There’s no way!” You screamed. “There’s no way.”
He stood directly in front of you, tantalizingly close, enough to reach out and touch you. Suddenly, the world went mute. You could my hear anything, not the song, not the fans. The only thing you were able to perceive is him. He handed the phone back to you, taking extra care to make sure it didn’t drop or get snatched. His care was so expected yet so overwhelming for you. Like of course he was responsible, he’s the leader of one of the biggest groups in the world. Of course he had to be attentive. But it’s also Jungwon.
You were blushing mess at this point. “Thank you!” You shouted over the cheers. “Thank you Jungwon!”
He didn’t respond, just smiling at you fondly, before reaching over your head to brush loose confetti off of your head. You froze, feeling his hand carefully carding through your locks. It was just a second, a brief touch, but it was enough. Enough for you to fully register what is happening, and for the fans to scream in excitement, and maybe a little jealousy.
“I-“ you couldn’t even speak as he walked away, back onto the stage. What the fuck was that?
—-
“Girl I’m telling you.” Ria sighed as you made your way out of the stadium together. “You’re lucky as hell.”
You grinned, still dazed. “I know.”
Ria took your hand, seeing you stumbling over your heels. “Let’s see if we can use that luck for fansigns now, hm?”
You nodded solemnly eliciting a laugh from her. “I’ll see what I can do.”
You finally made it to your shared apartment, and bid each other goodnight. You showered, toweled off and dressed into a tank top and panties before settling into your cool sheets, hair still damp. You held the small plush key chain in your hands, reminiscing of the unforgettable night before lulling yourself into a deep sleep.
And yet somewhere in a Los Angeles hotel, unbeknownst to you someone is guarding your sleep with shaking reverence, worshipping every sleepy sigh like it was sacred.
For months, many people debated the identity of “blurred face” and “confetti girl” both moments going viral. Thankfully for you, the media is assuming they are different people.
Months have passed since that fateful concert when the producer of Engenue Studios, Erin, called you and Ria in for a meeting. “We’re getting bought out.”
—-
You furrowed your brow. “What do you mean bought out?”
“I mean literally.” She said numbly, like she herself couldn’t believe it. “I just spoke to Dani. Apparently she got an offer and it was too good to refuse.”
That didn’t make sense. Dani, the owner of the studio, built it on her own dime from scratch for you and Ria. She wouldn’t not consult you. Sure it was her property, her business but she wouldn’t leave you out of your own fate would she?
“It better be fucking good, what the fuck?” Ria seethed. “Why didn’t Dani call us?”
“You were on the plane.” The manager responded.
“That was 4 months ago!” You exclaimed. “Why is she telling us this now?”
You didn’t let Erin respond, and dialed Dani. “Dani what the fu-“
“Hear me out.” She cut you off. “I know you’re mad I didn’t talk to you. But this is a really good opportunity for you and you’d be too scared to take so I made an executive decision. The company is a pretty big deal.”
“WHAT?”
“Yeah, they wanted a group that will function as a dance team. You know, performing alone, but also performing as back up for the idols.”
“Why didn’t they just do auditions like they usually do?” Ria asked over the speaker.
“They wanted recognizable dancers, ones that won’t have to cover their faces and apparently, they got an internal suggestion.” Dani replied, her exasperation audible. “Listen, don’t freak out, they won’t be breaking us up too much. The studio will remain here, just the name will change.”
“Alright fine.” You nod hesitantly.
“And a few girls are gonna tried as background dancers for ENHYPEN’S next tour.”
“Huh?” Your eyes nearly popped out of your head.
“You heard me.”
“Who?” You mustered out.
Dani replied with a long string of names. “Scouts are coming by next week to do a final selection.”
“I…alright.” You hung up not knowing how to feel.
Your company got absorbed. Bought out and you didn’t even know. Now you’re label mates with Enhypen. . How does that even happen? What does this mean for Engenue? How will all this change? You thought to yourself as you practiced choreo absentmindedly.
You went home with Ria, bidding her a quiet night and slipping into your room. After a shower that consisted mainly of staring into the wall you came back into you room, toweling off and dressing in a cami and panties. Same routine, yet everything felt so different. You slid under the covers and held the small plushy over your head, examining it.
“Something weird’s going on. How did we just get traded like that? That doesn’t happen. Right? But at least I get to see Enhypen again.” You murmur to it, cuddling it close to your chest. “We’ll figure it out. It’s you and me against the world, plushy.” You stifle a laugh at your own childishness and drift off to sleep.
In a private Seoul studio, Jungwon smiled softly at his phone, stroking your sleeping image with his finger with a possessive reverence. His eyes shown with a worshipful adoration so intense that if you’d ever see him like this, he knew it would scare you.
“Yeah.” He whispered, his thumb pressing against the image of your lips. “You and me against the world, beautiful.”
—-
The next few weeks flew by in a blur of changes. 12 girls from your studio were chosen auditioned and 7 including you selected to go to Korea for a few months of training. While the agency wanted you to move to Korea indefinitely, you advocated for a split in residence, spending a few months in the U.S, and a few months in Korea, leading up to the tour.
“It’s just not feasible.” You shook your head, not backing down in front of the representative. “It would be different if it was a solo thing, but we’re just back up dancers. This is a trial run, isn’t it? We can’t justify uprooting our entire lives for a trial run.”
“Alright.” She finally sighed. “We can have you come in 3 month increments. Housing provided.”
In a deal that ended in shook hands and signed contracts, you left the building with Ria. “You think a lot will change?” You asked quietly.
“God I hope not.” She replied.
The flight to Seoul was long and uneventful, but at least you had your girls with you. Together you stepped into the agency building, memories of the masterclass coming back to you. You craned your neck as you passed any open door hoping to catch a glimpse. The day groaned on with paperwork, rules, choreographers, producers, run throughs. You were thoroughly exhausted, feeling wrung out like a wet rag. Despite the exhaustion, you were thrumming with nervous excitement. They’re in here somewhere.
“Alright ladies, rest up in here for a bit, then we’ll explain the logistics of the tour in a few minutes.” The guide who will now be your new manager smiled warmly, leading the group to a practice room. It was a little smaller than the other one but still just as pristine.
“What do you think we’re waiting for?” Abby asked, plopping down on the ground.
“I don’t know.” You replied, plopping down on the ground next to her, fully laying down. “Probably gonna give us more shit to sign.” You were getting impatient. “When do you think we’ll meet the members?” You huffed, rolling over onto your stomach.
When Ria opened her mouth to speak, the door swung open. You scrambled up to your knees.
In walked a manager, followed by the members of Enhypen. The very men you’ve been employed to dance with. The air in the room split. The group members walked in with relaxed smiles and polite expressions greetings.
Your heart stopped in your chest. Your palms clammed up immediately, your eyes were blown. This is the third time that Jungwon walks into a space, and his eyes fall directly to you. Whether it’s respect or recognition, the warm intensity of his eyes knocked the breath out of you. You scrambled up to your feet as he walked toward you.
“Glad to see you again!” He smiled brightly, reaching for your hand. You took it, nearly fumbling as you gave him a weak handshake.
You glanced around the room, seeing the members of Enhypen try to make small talk with your petrified, star struck teammates. You would have found it funny if you weren’t in the same predicament. Not Ria though. She’s a professional at keeping cool as she easily made small talk with Jake.
“Yeah, I…” you coughed. “I was really surprised when we found out we’d be working with you guys. It’s really an honor, you are really-“
“C’mon.” He chuckled cutting you off gently. “I’m just Jungwon. We’re teammates for the next year, you don’t have to sing my praises.”
But how could you not? You looked down, seeing he still hasn’t let go of your hand. You pulled it out of his grip. He let go, yet an odd blank look flashed in his eyes.
“I’ll try not to.” You offered a timid smile. “Sooo…” you turned away to look at the girls, the panic in their faces easing into a respectful excitement. “Are we starting today?”
“Today?” Jungwon shook his head. “No of course not! You just landed, you’re tired. We just came in to meet our partners for the comeback.”
“Oh.” God I really suck at interactions don’t I?
“You know,” Jungwon turned to you, his eyes oddly soft. “I’ve seen Engenue’s covers.”
Although it’s not news, the fact that he’s seen your work still brings and excited shiver down your spine. You shrug off your flusteredness. Or try to.
“Technically we’re called KORA now.” You say, nearly spitting the word. You hated that they asked you to change the team name.
“Either way.” Jungwon continued. “You really stand out, you know that?”
Oh my God he thinks I stand out. Does that mean good or bad? Wait what if he means I need to step out? You look back towards Ria, in attempt to hide your burning face but dammit every single wall is mirrored. You caught his warm gaze in the mirror. “I…how many of our covers have you watched?”
“Just a few.” He shrugged. “That’s why I know I could count on you for a good demonstration.“
“Thank you!” You muttered, barely containing your own embarrassment. “I honestly don’t know how to accept this recognition and I’m nowhere near as talented as you are-“
“You don’t have to be so nervous around me.” Jungwon took a step back to your relief. “You’re really talented and have potential for a lot of work here.”
You smiled back finally, turning your head to look at him. The butterflies in your stomach eased just a little. “I’m not there yet. Still have a lot of things to perfect.”
“There’s always room for improvement.” He said, his eyes lighting up. “I can mentor you for some time! You know, get you where you want to be.”
Your eyes widened. “You’d do that? Wouldn’t it be too much on you?”
“Well, I offered, didn’t I?” He answered with a light chuckle. “It’s no different than the masterclass. Just think about it, okay?”
As much as you loved Jungwon, you wanted this interaction to be over. Being the subject of his undivided attention was just too much. But the opportunity was too good to pass up. “Alright.” You have a slight nod. “I’ll think about it. Thank you.”
The time went on with polite conversation with the rest of the and a few attempts at the new dances. Getting acquainted with Enhypen slowly felt easier, even if your eyes were glued to Jungwon nearly the entire time. How could you not stare when he is that stunning? Or more accurately, how can you not stare back?
—-
The next day, you stood with your team just outside the practice room doors, dressed in casual practice wear with bags and water bottles. You stared at the door, barely breathing.
“Walk in first.” Abby pushed you to the door of the practice room where the men were practicing, their stomps and loud music audible through the door.
“Why do I have to do it?” You hissed. “You do it!”
“You’re the senior!”
“Ria’s older than me!” You argued, pushing back.
“Hey, no, don’t rope me into this.” Ria spoke up. “You’re the team lead.”
You stared back at her. She crossed her arms, not budging.
“Ugh, fine.” You opened the door of the room, peaking in to find ENHYPEN practicing.
Your jaw almost hit the floor. Seeing the boys in concert was one thing. Seeing them perform up close was another. Mesmerized, you took a hesitant step forward. The track cut, filling the space with the boys’ labored panting.
“Let’s take a quick break.” Jungwon breathed out, grabbing his waterbottle off the floor taking a greedy swig. You couldn’t help but stare at him, the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he drank. He was a Greek god in a black wifebeater tight against his toned chest, sweat glistening off his bare shoulders. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. You looked away into the mirrored wall. Your reflection stared back at you confirming how hard you’re blushing.
“Thank God!” Jake sighed, before looking up, catching you and the rest of the girls walking in. “Oh!” A friendly smile spread across his face. “Hey guys!”
“Hi!” Ria smiled back, letting her bag drop to the floor. The team quickly followed suit, shedding bags and hoodies. You yanked your sweater over your head, leaving yourself in a cropped mock neck.
Jungwon nearly choked on his water. “Oh hi ladies!” He set down his bottle with a sheepish smile. “The choreographer just stepped out, but we can get started now.”
The practice went well. Jungwon was attentive, professional, and most of all strict. And you loved it. There was nothing better than a disciplined teacher who requires perfection.
“Keep your elbow in on the turn.” He said, pressing your elbow into your side. You nodded, fixing it.
“Keep your head up.”
“Posture, posture!”
“That turn needs to be tighter.”
Every correction came with a touch. A hand on between your shoulder blades, a finger under your chin, a light scuff at your feet. By the end of practice, you were sore, out of breath, and deeply humbled.
“Let’s call it a day.” Heeseung huffed. “I need sleep.”
You slump onto the floor against the mirror, focusing on your breathing. Your head swam with exhaustion and a deep satisfaction after a good training session. You went for a sip of water from your bottle only to find it empty. You groaned, pushing your self up to steal Ria’s water bottle.
“You okay?” You heard a deep voice above you. You looked up.
“Oh, Ni-Ki!” You scrambled to your feet. “Hi!”
“Woah slow down.” He chuckled, helping you steady yourself against the mirror. “You good?”
“To be honest I got a headache and I’m cockeyed and I can hear colors.” You gave a self deprecating laugh.
“That’s because you’re dehydrated.” He chuckled. He held out an unopened waterbottle. “Here.”
You took the water with a grateful smile. As the two groups slowly filed out of the room, a warm hand clasped your arm. You froze, turning around to see Jungwon, his zip up open, that damn tank top underneath. Your eyes momentarily flicked down to his torso, immediately embarrassed.
“Yes Jungwon?” You asked, suddenly looking anywhere but him. “Was there something you needed?”
His tired eyes brightened. “You’re still nervous.” He chuckled. “Have you thought about my offer?”
“Oh, uh..” you frantically looked out to your friends. “Yeah. Yeah I did.”
“And?” He tilted his head, his gaze expectant.
“I’d be honored if you’d mentor me.” You smiled, to mask or ease your nerves. His eyes softened into that kind warmth you found yourself obsessing over.
“Perfect!” He let go of your arm, instead leading you out of the building with a hand on your back. “Then we’ll start tomorrow. Stay after practice a bit, okay?”
“‘Kay!” You grinned, excitement already buzzing in your veins as he walked you to the manager’s awaiting car. “I’ll see you then.”
“Good night!” He smiled, helping you into the car.
On the way home, you leaned against Ria’s shoulder, feeling warm and fuzzy, but also strung with a giddy joy. Starting tomorrow, you will be a protégée to one of the biggest kpop idols in the world.
—-
The next day, practice was as expected. Jungwon led with an iron grip and a dimpled smile, confusing but also disarming you. He was introducing the title track choreography. The one that may get the most hate, if Bite Me from before was any indication.
“Guys, Taste is the title track, we need to get it right.” He warned, showing us the dance video again. “This is the pair dance, so we’ll need you girls to really put in some effort, this dance isn’t easy. Pair up and remember. This is your partner for the full tour so please be kind and accommodating.” Jake looked to Ria who was already looking at Heeseung.
Jungwon looked up at you immediately. His eyes softened for just a second. “You’re with me.” He said it with so much confidence you had no room to argue.
You gave a hesitant nod. It only made sense, right? He’s your mentor now, of course he’d partner with you. Yet you felt a cold pang in your stomach at his insistence. Would you be able to keep up?
“Alright, let’s run it again, with partners now.” Jungwon called, leading you to your spot by the elbow. “Music!”
It didn’t get easier from there. You’d hoped that partnering with Jungwon would be simpler, considering you’re most familiar to him. But that familiarity came with a harsher standard of perfection.
“Posture!”
“Focus!”
“Come on, you know better!” He barked out corrections like a drill sergeant.
“Yes Jungwon.” You mumbled.
Jungwon finally announced a five minute break. You heaved a pant as you took a sip of water, every muscle tight with overexertion.
Jungwon slumped next to you, shoulder to shoulder. As if on instinct your back immediately straightened. He looked at you with a drained grin.
“Relax.” He chuckled. “We’re on break.”
“I know.” You offered a smile, the butterfly’s in your stomach never fading. “It’s habit now.”
“Hm.” He took a sip of water. “You do know I’m only hard on you because you’re already a great dancer, right?”
You nodded. “Yeah I know.”
“So you’ll stay after?”
The thought made your heart jump with excitement. A solo training session with THE Yang Jungwon. Your bias. The object of your delusions. He turned his head at your silence, eyes finding yours. The eye contact made made you lose your ability to think.
“Uh..” you mumbled, trying to sound nonchalant, but your shaking voice gave you away. “Yeah. Of course.”
“Good.” He nodded with a smirk. “Don’t expect me to go easy on you though.” Damn.
“I know.” You sighed.
Practice wrapped up quickly after that. It almost felt like the dances were rushed through.
Jungwon shrugged when you brought it up after practice. “We still have tomorrow to refine. We just needed a basis.”
Ria walked up behind you, slinging her arm around your shoulder as you grabbed your bag off the floor. “Ready to go back?”
“I’m not going yet.” You replied, zipping up the bag.
“What?” She furrowed her brow. “Why not?”
“Jungwon asked me to stay for some training after.” You replied, heat spreading through your cheeks.
A slow knowing grin crept its way onto Ria’s face. “One on One?” She wiggled her brows. “With Jungwon??”
“I know!!” You shoved her lightly, face now rivaling a traffic light. “Go home.”
“You better call me and tell me everything.” She laughed, walking toward the exit. “Have fun!”
Heaving a sigh to settle your stomach, you turned back into the practice room. Jungwon was already waiting, fiddling with his phone, leaning against the cool mirror. His hoodie was half way on, one shoulder bare in a way that made you think, what’s the point of wearing the hoodie at all? Lean, toned, messy hair, he was perfect. He looked up, his gaze finding yours. His eyes were commanding, sharp like he was measuring your every breath.
“You ready?” He asked breaking the silence, his voice a mix of friendly and professional.
“I guess so.” You forced a smile through your nerves. “What song’s first?”
“We’re not working on choreo.” He set his phone down, walking toward you. His hand pressed between your shoulder blades, straightening your back. His touch sent electricity down your spine. He tapped your chin, a reminder to keep your head straight. “We’re working on technique.”
—
Jungwon was an amazing teacher. During practice with everyone, he was tough but fair. But with just you, he was a different kind of monster, one with sky high expectations and an intolerance for tiredness. And if you were too tired, he would grab your arms and position you himself. His touch was firm, yet lingering. The heady mix sent your brain and heart into confusion, flustered, but with a gnawing worry about being professional. He was exactly the kind of mentor you hoped for, but damn it was so distracting.
For the next two weeks, you’d stay with him after hours, and he did not show mercy, even if your run through was good. Nothing impressed him, there was always room for improvement and you were okay with it. You wanted that perfection as much as he did. You were a willing student if nothing else.
That came to ahead one day. You were exhausted. Spent. Barely standing. And Jungwon was the exact image of a strict instructor. Your sequence was perfect. But..
“I’m not worried about the accuracy of the choreo right now. I’m worried about how you keep locking up.” He folded his arms, with a determined frown. “We aren’t stopping until you get the turn right. Do it again.”
The comment made you crumple in defeat. You’ve already done the turn like 9 times, each time spinning faster, keeping your back straighter, your moves tighter. Yet he was never satisfied.
“Again.”
“Again.”
“Again.”
“Jungwon..” You protested, shaking with exhaustion. “If you don’t like how I do the turn then do it yourself and show me.”
He raised his brows at you. His cold gaze made you freeze in place. Never in your life did you ever think to lip off to Jungwon, and the fact that you did shocked both him and you. You swallowed nervously, hating the silence that followed. It would have been better if he yelled, or made a mean comment, anything to drown out your racing heart but no. He never yelled, he was never rude. Right now you almost wished he was instead of staring into you. Damn, for someone with such a cute face, he had some piercing eyes.
“Alright.” He murmured, his lips forming into a tight lipped challenging smirk. “I’ll do it. But if I show you, I’m not letting you go home until you do 5 perfect turns.”
“Fine.” You replied, folding your arms against your chest, your voice meeker than you intended.
“Watch.” He said, playing the track from the chorus.
He entered the sequence seamlessly, as if he created it himself. He moved like water, each step and movement smooth and deliberate, sharp enough to show all the tiny nuances that nobody but you or your team would catch. Then came the turn. The turn, sharp and quick in nature, still had to be fluid gentle. He landed on his right leg, tensing it just enough to catch himself, but never locking. That shit was hard to nail. And yet, he did it perfectly with no warm up.
“Wow.” You muttered.
Jungwon made it look too easy. His sharp eyes flicked to you as he caught his breath. You turned away quick, trying to hide your shameless awe. He smiled.
“Your turn.” He said, motioning with his head. “Center.”
You had no choice but to comply, waking forward shoulders slumped. And immediately.
“Posture!”
With a silent groan you straightened up, trying your best not to look as tired. You followed his moves to a tee, keeping the same slight tension in the right thigh, fluid movement, sharp transition, turn. You gritted your teeth, willing yourself not to lock up again. You looked up at him, eyes hopeful, pleading.
Jungwon’s stony expression melted into one of calm satisfaction. His approval went directly to your chest, blooming a deep pride that you were finally able to impress him. Yang Jungwon is impressed by me. Oh my God, I finally did it.
“That was beautiful. See?” He smiled excitedly. “I told you you could do it. Now,” he tilted his head, his eyes darkened ever so slightly in a smug demand. “Do it again.”
Damn it. You hung your head. You hoped he’d forgotten his little rule, but no. He watched you like a hawk, following your every move like he was memorizing your form, with the slightest hint of pride in his face. Your tiredness was overtaken by a severe motivation to impress him.
“Again.” You pushed yourself harder.
“Again.” You spun faster.
“Perfect! Again!” With newfound energy you threw yourself into the routine, despite all of your muscles’ protest.
You executed the turn with precision and grace, landing on your right leg. But you didn’t land. Your foot caved under the strain. A sharp, screaming pain exploded through your ankle and spread like lightning. You gasped, falling to the floor with a sickening thud.
“FUCK!” You screamed into the ground, half in pain half in frustration.
You grit your teeth as you held your ankle, curled up on the floor. Shit. Of course. Of course it had to be on the last run through. Of course it had to be in front of Jungwon.You looked up at him, tears pricking your eyes in pain and shame.
Jungwon’s gaze was unreadable. You half expected him to tell you how disappointed he is, make you get up, but he turned on his heel and left the practice room. You stared incredulously at the empty spot on the floor where he stood, clutching your ankle, struggling to sit up. Did he just…leave me here? You swallowed a lump in your throat, fingers gingerly pressing the swollen tender bruise.
“Don’t try to move it.”
You looked up to see Jungwon walking back into the practice room holding a small red box. He knelt in front of you, opening the box with focus.
You opened your mouth to defend yourself. “Jungwon I-“
“Shhh.” He soothed, lifting your foot onto his knee. He pulled off your shoe with almost trembling care. It was overwhelming, seeing him like this. You furrowed your brow, willing the butterflies in your stomach to dissolve.
“You don’t have to-“
“It’s okay.” He said quietly. “Let me help.”
He checked the sprain, gingerly pressing his fingers against the swelling bruise, wincing sympathetically when you yelped in pain.
“I know.” He murmured, gently rubbing the featherlight circles into the tender skin. “I know it hurts. You’re okay.” He reached into the box, pulling out a roll of gauze. He met your gaze with grounding concern.
“This is gonna hurt.” He warned as he took your hand, guiding it to his arm. “Grab on.” He said. “Squeeze if it hurts too much, okay?”
You nodded, flustered at his sudden tenderness. He set your foot in the correct angle. You gasped in pain, digging your fingers into the flesh of his forearm as he gently maneuvered the joint.
“Just a little more.” He whispered, “I’m almost done, you’re doing so good.”
You froze. Is.. he talking me through it? Your face burned wildly, nearly forgetting the pain until he turned your ankle some more. You let out a pained whimper, clutching onto his arm. He froze for a moment, eyes widening. You must have squeezed his arm too tight.
You watched him wrap your set ankle in gauze, his movements slow and almost reverent. It amazed you how quickly he went from strict and unforgiving, to tender and attentive. He pressed a cooling pack against your ankle.
“Can you stand?” He asked, pulling you up just enough to find your footing.
“I think so.” You mumbled, trying to take a step. Pain shot through your ankle. “I don’t think so.”
Jungwon sighed, eyebrows knitting together in thought. “Come here.” He took your arm, wrapping it around his broad shoulders, helping you stand upright. “Put your weight on me.”
You shook your head. “No it’s okay,” you tried to sound more polite than flustered. “I don’t want to burden-“
He wrapped his arm tightly around your waist. “Come on.” He said, helping you hop along to the exit.
Instead of a manager’s van, he led (carried) you to his own car, situating you in the passenger seat. You curled in, a gnawing feeling of guilt marring your stomach. He didn’t have to do all this. I’m just a back up dancer.
“I don’t want to be a bother.” You murmured staring into your lap. “You need rest too.”
He didn’t even look at you. “It’s not a bother.” He said quietly.
The drive was mostly quiet, intense, charged with electricity and something darker. When you arrived at your building, he insisted of helping you get into your dorm. You agreed reluctantly, knowing you’ll never make it on your own, but very nervous about him being inside your dorm. Shit, did I leave anything out? You mentally checked your entire dorm, hoping and begging your posters of him were put away, not hung up yet.
“Make sure you stay off of it for a while.” He said flatly. “Can’t have another injury risk.”
“Okay.” You nodded as he helped you to your bedroom. “Thanks for your help, Jungwon.” You added quietly, still embarrassed at the tenderness he showed you.
He didn’t look at you, as he grabbed his keys. “Yeah, not a problem. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye.” You called after him, waiting for the front door to click shut before immediately dialing Ria to fill her in.
“Dude.” You muttered as soon as you heard her sleepy greeting.
“What?”
“You’ll never guess what happened.” You filled her in on exactly everything that happened, the dance, the fall, the care. For that entire hour, you and Ria squealed over his concern, overanalyzing every word not even remembering the pain.
—-meanwhile
Jungwon gripped his steering wheel, knuckles white. He was like a wire pulled taught, barely even breathing, clenching his teeth so hard he shook. Tears shone in his eyes.
“I hurt her.” He whispered to himself, voice tight with anger at himself. “I fucking hurt her.”
A hot tear spilled over his cheek. He hated himself for hurting what he worshipped most. But all he wanted was for you to be a perfect mirror image. An exact match to him, something trained by him for him. Was that so wrong? No. He has a right to you, to your perfect form, affection, recognition.
His heart broke as he recalled how you looked at him, wide eyed and teary, pained from the fall, flustered from his care. It took all of his self restraint to not pull you close, kiss the pain away, wipe your tears, tell you he’s not going anywhere. Yet he reveled in the way you looked at him like he was your savior.
“The kpop industry is cruel.” he whispered to himself. “If I don’t break her myself, the industry will destroy her.” A twisted justification for his obsession bloomed in his mind. “And if she must break, she must be broken gently and put back together with the utmost care like she deserves. She deserves all the care. All the love and devotion. Nobody’s able to provide that.” His lips curled into an odd smile as he admired the satin hairtie stretched around his wrist, a memento of you stolen from your dorm. “Nobody but me.”
The moment he stepped into his home he tapped into the live feed, finding your sleeping form curled around the plushy he gifted you. You were so beautiful, so fragile. He couldn’t help but feel guilty, seeing y ou wince in pain in your sleep. “Just wait a little longer, my angel.” He whispered with dark tenderness, stroking the screen. “I’ll make everything better. I promise.”
-To be continued…
@jongst4r
@cherryw0n
@elikajinnie
Muse: YJW (Teaser)
Don’t meet your heroes.
They’ll always disappoint you.
Don’t meet your idols.
They’ll never let you go.
When a cover dancer meets her favorite celebrity, the dynamic of fan and idol flips dangerously.
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psycho!won x fan!reader, psychological horror
Coming Soon…
Yeah so this is gonna be a series guys, buckle up
Muse: YJW (Teaser)
Don’t meet your heroes.
They’ll always disappoint you.
Don’t meet your idols.
They’ll never let you go.
When a cover dancer meets her favorite celebrity, the dynamic of fan and idol flips dangerously.
Genre: Angst, Dark Romance, SMUT, PWP, psycho!won x fan!reader, psychological horror
Part 1 here
Part 2 here
Part 3 here
Part 4 here
Part 5 coming soon
Post Concert Deception: NRK
He’s right behind me, isn’t he?
idol!Ni-Ki x fem!reader idol!Heeseung x reader’sfriend (side plot)
Synopsis: After your first ever K-Pop concert, you were hit with a severe case of PCD. Along with your best friend you try recuperate in a luxury hotel. But it’s really hard to get over PCD when the reason for it is right in front of you. And you’re failing miserably at pretending that you don’t care.
Genre: PWP Crack Smut Fluff if you squint
W/C: 18.4k
CW: Smut, MDNI, unprotected sex (pls don’t) pull out method (DON’T) oral (m. rec) fingering, body worship, praise, manhandling, dirty talk, one night stand, older reader, tatted reader, second hand embarrassment, reader described as curvy, small smut scene with Heeseung and reader’s best friend, reader’s a nervous awkward wreck, lying, teasing, pet names, insults, mentions of alcohol, Ni-ki’s kind of a jerk in some spots, mentions of alcohol and gambling
A/N: hi guys this is my first post I’m SCARED hope you guys enjoy!!!!
Your first Enhypen concert was all that was on your mind. Memories of the stages, the music, the members dancing a few 30 maybe 40 feet away from you played nonstop in your head as you and your best friend Ria walked out of the stadium. Your feet screamed from standing on huge platform heels, your ribs hurt from your corset, your toes were numb, your arms were sore, your voice was lost…and yet, you’ve never been so happy.
“Oh my God..” You murmured in a daze, holding your platform heels in one hand, lightstick dangling off your wrist, holding onto Ria with the other as you made it to the hotel. “That was..”
“Everything.” She finished for you. You looked at her with an exhausted smile. “Wasn’t it?”
“Truly life changing.” You said as you hobbled up the steps of the hotel where you and Ria would be staying the next few days. “But my feet are killing me.”
“Not that you’re complaining.” She chuckled as you made your way to the elevator in that post concert haze. As you stepped in, the silence between you filled with quiet elevator music. You stared at the floor, still not fully there. “How are you feeling?” Ria asked.
“I feel like..” You gave her a halfhearted goofy smile. “..like I miss them already.”
“The PCD’s already setting in?” She eyed you incredulously.
“I still can’t believe I got to see them live.” You mumbled, unlocking the door. You strolled into the luxury suite, courtesy of your mother. “I mean-we were in the same stadium, Ni-ki was right freaking there. I saw him with my own two eyes!”
“And he looked perfect.” Ria smiled, kicking off her boots. “Heeseung…in those red sun glasses. Ugh!” She threw her head back dramatically, pressing her hand to her forehead like an old Hollywood actress, and walking-no, floating away into the bedroom. You followed.
“I know.” You murmured, reverently thumbing your floor access bracelet. “I’m exhausted, though.”
“Mentally or physically?” Ria asked, fumbling with her skirt. “I need help.”
“Yes.” You replied, helping her unclip countless accessories and safety pins from her outfit. “To all of the above.”
Ria chuckled. “You’ll be fine.” She shook her head knowingly. “We booked the entire week for PCD recovery.”
“You know we’ll need it.” You laughed, raising your arms expectantly.
“No, I know you’ll need it.” She smirked, unclipping accessory after accessory off of your dress, each chain and pin freeing you a little more. “You’re so emotional. I mean-who passes out at a concert TWICE?”
“I was tired!” You protested.
“You were staring at Ni-ki both times, I’m not stupid.”
“Shut up. You said it not me.” You rolled your eyes, unzipping the dress and turning your back back to her. “So don’t complain when you have to hold me when I cry myself to sleep.” She snorted quietly at and reached out, popping the knot on your corset.
“I’m showering first.” She mumbled, heading to the bathroom half dressed.
“Okay.” You smiled, shrugging off the dress and corset, pulling on an oversized t shirt and cotton shorts before plopping into the plush bed with a contented sigh. You will never get over the grandeur of this place, nor the perks that come with it. You began looking through the pictures and videos you took, smiling and sighing at each one.
You came upon a picture of Ni-ki that you took and nearly choked on your own laugh. It was horribly perfect. He was fully immersed in the performance of Brought The Heat Back, but was captured mid move, his hair sticking out wildly, his face contorted somewhere between a dance move and a lyric. You wheezed in laughter, collapsing face first into the plush king sized bed.
“Ugh…that was amazing. What are you laughing at?” Ria walked out in her pajamas, towel wrapped around her head.
Still laughing silently, you turned the computer towards her. She froze, staring at it for a second before bursting into laughter. “Oh my God! That’s horrible.”
You nodded, trying to catch a breath. “No coming back from that one. How can such a pretty face even make that expression?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.” She sighed contentedly, plopping on the bed next to you. “Showers yours.”
“Thanks.” You stood up with a stretch, savoring every pop and crack of your joints. As you grabbed you pajamas out of your bag, Ria raised a brow.
“Enjoy your shower. You and all of your extra bones.” She joked. “You sound like you’re making popcorn.”
You looked back at her with a smirk. “You thought that was bad?” You narrowed your eyes and leaned in. “That was only my toes.” She laughed, waving you away.
You walked into the giant bathroom. Staring qt yourself long and hard in the mirror, you still didn’t fully believe that you, for once in your life, could say that you saw your favorite kpop group live. Since it was your first ever kpop concert, after you’ve been a fan for so long, this very moment felt so profound.
You stepped into the shower, letting the hot water wash away every ache, every bruise, every scratch. You closed your eyes, thinking back to the outfits each member wore, every performance. Had you known them personally, you’d probably never shut up, telling them how proud you are of them, how amazing they are, how gorgeous they are. The thought alone made you tear up.
You smiled at yourself, a quiet dumb smile. You’re annoyed at yourself, at how emotional you are. Letting the water rinse the tears off your face you left the shower. After drying yourself with one of the impossibly soft towels, yoi dressed yourself in a set of cream colored pajamas.
You opened the door to the bathroom and were met by the smell of my favorite ramen. Ria was seated on the bed, bowl in hand, watching the Enhypen post concert live on the hotel TV. She reached over to the bedside table and held out a second steaming bowl to you.
“Come eat.” She said, turning her attention back to the screen. “You didn’t eat all day. ‘S probably the reason you fainted.”
“Best concert mom ever.” You said, mixing the noodles up with a plastic fork, furrowing your brows. You don’t remember the room having a microwave. Your eyes scanned the room again, zeroing in on the corner. “Did you use the coffee maker for ramen?”
She didn’t say anything, just smiled through a mouthful. You laughed diving in. “You’re genius.”
After the meal you quietly cleaned up together, settling into the soft bed sheets. A silence settled around you, still charged with the concert energy. “How are you feeling?” Ria asked quietly. “Like actually.”
“I’m feeling..” You pondered for a moment. “Sad that it’s over.” There wasn’t much else to say, it was true. You needed that moment to last forever, not just a couple hours. You just needed to feel that again.
Ria patted your hair. “Don’t worry your pretty head.” She laughed. “They announced a tour, we’ll be back next year!”
“I mean-yeah but it won’t be the same. And you know I’ll never get that first concert feel ever again.” You choked out, tearing up. Again. And yet instead of comforting you, Ria just laughed, roughly wiping your face with her sleeve like an exasperated mother that’s tired of her kid’s tantrum.
“You’re a mess.” She scoffed affectionately. “But it’s okay. Get some sleep, and tomorrow we’ll just hang out in the hotel and get drunk at the complimentary bar. It IS complimentary right?”
“I’m not a mess, I’m just overwhelmed, shut up!” You gave a wet laugh, wiping the remaining tears. “Yeah, I used my mom’s shareholder perks, so the bar is free.”
Ria’s eyes widened. “Damn, what about room service?”
You scoffed. “Girl, what more do you want? We already got upgraded to luxe suite, I can only do so much.”
“I know.” She rolled her eyes with a smile. “The upgrade’s insane. I bet it comes with a butler too.”
“It could have. But I wouldn’t want that.”
You chuckled, sleep pulling over me like a blanket. “Good night.”
“Good night.” Ria smiled, turning her back to you.
You drifted away, mind still reeling with the excitement of the post concert haze, and the emotional crash that came with it. You relived all your favorite parts of the concert in your dream.
You woke up naturally the next morning. Well, afternoon. No alarms, no phone calls, no one to wake you up. Ria was already up in the living room, listening to music. You stared at the ceiling, still trying to place what exactly you were feeling. You stretched, feeling refreshed from the much needed sleep, the warm hum of excitement still lighting your nerves, and inevitably, the deep aching pit in your chest that is the curse of PCD. Post Concert Depression.
You dragged yourself out of bed into the bathroom, slightly disgusted yet relieved at my reflection. Your hair, still not dry from last night’s shower stuck out oddly, the shape of your hair matted from the pillow in some places. Your face, thankfully, was clear of makeup, thank God you didn’t forget to wash it off. You washed your face, brushed your teeth and did the best that you could do with the hair dryer, a brush and a straightener you brought on impulse. Guess it came in handy.
“You’re finally awake.” Ria greeted you as you shuffled into the living room. She sat curled into one of the plush cream leather couches, staring out into the floor to ceiling windows at the city scape before her.
“Yeah.” You sighed, plopping down next to her. “You hungry?”
She thought a moment before nodding. “I could eat.”
Wordlessly you opened up the hotel menu and ordered. As you waited you thumbed through some ideas on how you could keep yourselves busy.
“Any ideas?” She asked, once the food arrived, nodding thankfully to the staff. You looked up and gave a tired polite smile, handing him a cash tip.
“Nah..” you sighed, still absentmindedly scrolling on your phone, not even reading the travel site’s suggestions. “Nothing seems fun.”
“You know what, maybe we don’t need something fun.” Ria opened up the plate covers, popping a strawberry into her mouth. “We need something relaxing. Something to give that sad brain of yours a rest.”
You stared numbly before getting a bright idea. Your eyes lit up. “Wait wait wait-“You murmured, quickly logging into the hotel site and typing in a few prompts in the search bar. “Yes!” You jumped up. “I got it!”
“What?” Ria craned her neck to look at your phone.
“This location has two roof top hot tubs and a lounge. But it’s exclusive and you gotta book use times before hand.” You grinned. “I just booked out a hot tub for the rest of the evening. Drink service included.”
Ria stared at you for a second. “You should have said something sooner.” She said, jumping up grabbing you by the arm. “Let’s go change.”
“But breakfast!” You protested.
She responded with a dead stare. “It’s 3 pm and you don’t even eat breakfast.”
Knowing you had no argument, you sighed. “You’re right let’s go.” You followed her into the bed room, where you quickly ruffled through drawers looking for swim suits.
You turned to Ria, wordlessly holding out a black cut out monikini and a dark green string bikini. She responded with a point toward the bikini and headed into the bathroom with her own black bikini. With a nod, you changed into the swimsuit.
“Do you think we’ll run into anyone cute?” Ria asked, exiting the bathroom dressed in her bikini and a thin black cover up shrugged over her shoulders.
“Hm?” You looked up from tying a white sarong around your waist. “I don’t know why do you ask?”
“Just wondering if I should put any makeup on.” Ria shrugged.
“It’s possible, I don’t see why you shouldn’t.” You replied, straightening up. “How do my boobs look?”
She rolled her eyes. “Your boobs always look great and you know that.” You grinned. “Asshole.” She added with a joking huff as you put on your shoes. “Let’s go.”
The two of you made your way to the roof top via elevator, the music filling in the silence. You made it to the roof top access door fit with a lock and a sign.
“Shit.” Ria muttered. “Exclusive. Authorized use only.”
You rolled your eyes. “Well,” You held up your platinum room card. “Thankfully we’re exclusive AND authorized.” You opened the door with a quick swipe.
“You feel so cool don’t you?” Ria smirked.
Your nonchalant facade broke immediately. You gave her a stupid grin. “I feel so cool you have no idea.”
“You’re such a geek.” She laughed as she ascended the steps from the seemingly bare entrance. “Oh shit.” Her eyes widened.
You followed after her to take in a beautiful sight. Giant glass side pools spanned 2 full edges of the rooftop, the center panel was pure white, obviously very well taken care of pavement, gracefully furnished with giant daybeds, tables, lounge chairs, cabanas, you name it. Attached to each of the pools, on raised platforms were 2 giant hot tubs, steam curling off of the water invitingly. And in the center of it all, a bar. A damn bar, amongst all of it.
“Wow.” You breathed. “This place is insane.”
“Yeah.” Ria sighed as you walked tentatively to the bar.
“Hello ladies!” The bartender smiled warmly. He was handsome, with blindingly white teeth that stood out against his tan skin. “Can I see your access card please?”
“Of course.” You handed him the platinum access card. After swiping it, he gave me a knowing grin.
“Welcome, miss.” He nodded. “To show our appreciation for our shareholders, all drinks are all included of course. What can I get for you?”
You smiled, turning to Ria. “Go on.”
Grinning, Ria ordered. “Let’s start with a mojito.”
“And I’ll do an aperol spritz.” You added.
“Of course.” He nodded. “I’ll have those out to you in just a moment.”
“Thank you!” Ria replied as you walked to the edge of one of the hot tubs. “This is nice.” She murmured, shrugging off her cover up.
“I know.” You sighed, untying your sarong, tossing it onto a nearby daybed. “I don’t even think I can get ever get used to this.”
“Well, get used to it.” Ria laughed, stepping into the water with a delighted sigh. “Get in, the water’s perfect.”
You stepped into the water, first letting the light sting wash over your legs before sitting with a satisfying shiver. Once the bartender brought your drinks, you were finally able to relax. You and Tia talked about everything, annoying coworkers, finally graduating, Enhypen of course, how long the trip home will be. There was no topic untouched, just a full debriefing of your lives.
“-and yeah.” You finished telling your story, pulling yourself up to sit on the edge of the tub to cool off, legs still dangling in the water. “Basically I ended up walking home that night.”
“That’s why I told you, don’t trust the biology majors after 9 pm.” Ria retorted, taking a sip of her drink, joining you on the edge. “Man, life can’t get better than this.” She stretched.
“It really can’t.” You replied.
Our comfortable silence was ruined by faint voices of people coming from the elevator. You rolled your eyes. “I really hoped that we wouldn’t have company.” Your muttered.
“Yeah didn’t you book the tub? I don’t get why-” Ria looked behind you at the newly arrived guests, before her head suddenly snapped back forward. Her pupils were blown wide, every muscle in her body was pulled taught, as if any extra movement would make her snap. Her heart was beating so hard you could practically see her pulse on her neck. She wasn’t even breathing.
You furrowed your brows. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Don’t look back yet.” She whispered tensely. “Just- just stay calm. Don’t freak out.”
“Why, what’s going on-“
“It’s them.”
“Who’s them?” You were getting annoyed but also curious. “And why can’t I look-“ You turned around and what you saw made the hot tub feel ice cold, freezing every nerve in your body.
She wasn’t kidding. It really was them, all seven. They walked onto the rooftop platform, setting down belongings, talking amongst each other calmly, entering the other hot tub. The thought hit you. You’re staring at Enhypen, on your very own damn rooftop. What the fuck? You thought to yourself. What the fuck? What the fuck?
You slowly turned back around once Ria whispered your name. “Don’t freak out.” That didn’t help much as your breathing quickened, blood rushing in your ears. “No-no-no, breath slow, deep breaths, please don’t hyperventilate.” She begged you quietly. You began to tremble, every nerve high strung with panic.
“What do we do?” You hissed. “Should we leave?”
“Maybe-“
“No wait.” You cut her off. “We can’t leave. If we leave now, they’ll know what’s up, we can’t make them uncomfortable. But if we talk to them, we could be branded as sasaengs, we can’t have that either. That’s worse.”
“So what should we do then?” Ria whispered back, just as flustered as you were.
“I don’t know, I-“
“Let’s just ignore them.” Ria cut in this time. “For our sanity and their peace of mind.”
“You’re right.” You nodded, sucking down the rest of your drink quickly, hoping the alcohol will dull your senses. “We’ll act like we’re not even here.” You stared ahead of us at the city scape, keeping your backs turned to the very men you so desperately wanted to look at right now. But thankfully, you have self control. Kind of. You sat in silence with bated breath, half hoping they’d leave, half melting internally. At this point, you were physically biting back your tongue to keep from squealing.
“Ahh I’m so sore!” You heard a male voice, following by a light splash.
“Jungwon..” Ria whispered.
“Hyung, you’re not getting in?”
“Ni-ki..” You whispered, hand tightening around your glass at the sound of his voice. Ria placed a hand over yours, trying to take the glass before you broke it. Her eyes widened.
“Our bracelets.” She whispered. “Take em off!”
You gasped quietly at the realization of the dead give away. Your bracelet stuck out on your hand like a HEY LOOK AT ME I’M A HUGE FAN sign. You and Ria desperately yanked and pulled, trying to preserve the bracelets but also get them off as discreetly as possible. With a final hard yank down the heel of my hand, you clutched it in your hand, looking up at Ria wildly.
“Bra.” She mouthed, stuffing her own bracelet in her top. You followed suit, shoving it into your bikini, frantically adjusting.
“I’m going to the bathroom, Jungwon let me borrow the card.” You heard someone say behind you.
“Sunghoon.” You hissed, palms sweating despite your hands being wet. You could hear your own heartbeat in your head. This moment was too scary, too exciting, too real. And you have to sit here and pretend it isn’t.
“Wait did we bring only one? We didn’t even grab towels yet!” Jay protested.
“So?” You couldn’t my even place who that was.
“We need the access card to get the towels!” He huffed. “Now what?”
Meanwhile, you and Ria sat absolutely still, as if your stillness could make you invisible. “You need to stay calm.” Ria whispered almost to herself. “Just stay-“
“Ladies would you like another drink?” The bartender asked with a kind smile. You flinched not expecting him. “Sorry,” He chuckled. “Did I startle you?”
“It’s okay.” You shook your head, trying to focus on what he’s saying. “Could I get a sea breeze? Triple?”
He raised his eyebrows, “Triple? You sure miss?”
“I am very sure.” You replied.
“Alright, and you miss?” He turned to Ria.
“Lemon drop please. Double.”
He offered a surprised smirk. “If I didn’t know any better, it seems like you’re drinking to forget something.”
“We’re celebrating.” You replied, just wanting the conversation to end.
“I see.” He chuckled. “Well I’ll get those right out to you.”
You sat, strained, listening to the band mates bicker behind you, trying hard not to even move a muscle.
“How are we supposed to get towels if you only brought one card?” Jay continued scolding whomever, sounding completely exasperated. “Hyung did you bring yours?”
“I forgot..”
Your eyes immediately shifted to Ria at the sound of Heeseung’s voice. She looked like like she was about to lose it.
“It’s fine, I’ll handle it.” You heard Jake.
“Are you okay?” You whispered to Ria.
She nodded. “Somehow this is the best and worst day of my life. I don’t even know how-“
She stole a glance behind her. “Jake is coming.”
“What?” You hissed back, heart leaping into your throat. “You’re joking, what do I do we can’t-“
“Act natural.” She hissed back, gripping your wrist that was planted firmly in the hot tub’s edge. “We don’t know them, okay?”
“Ria you know I’m a terrible liar!” You rambled out, already beginning to shake again. “What if I-“
“Excuse me?”
You froze. Ria froze. It seemed like the air froze between you too. Even the water in the hot tub felt ice cold. You forced your head to slowly turn to the sound of a soft voice with the prettiest Australian accent you’ve ever heard. A voice you knew all too well.
“Sorry to bother you, but my friend forgot his access card in the room and we need to grab towels.” Jake smiled sheepishly. “Do you mind if we borrow yours?”
Act natural. You told yourself, shoving all nerves so far down into myself that you seemed normal. You don’t know them. Act natural. You offered him a friendly smile. “Sure. Give me a second!” You replied, voice coming out a little too chipper for your liking. You pulled your legs out of the warm water and reached for the access card you hid under towels. You held it out to him. “Here you go.”
“Thank you!” He smiled, taking the card from your hands. You fingers didn’t even touch yet it felt like you just got electrocuted through the card alone.
“Yeah, no problem!” You responded, feigning normalcy. “Just please don’t forget to bring it back.”
“You got it!” He replied, already heading to the towel dispenser. “Thanks again!”
“No problem.” You replied, a little quieter, walking back to Ria’s side on shakey legs.
“You did good.” She whispered, patting your back. “You did good.”
“I almost passed out.” You replied.
“Yeah, don’t do that.” She nodded. You glared in response.
She snuck a glance behind you. “I can’t do this anymore.” She whispered. “Let’s sit on the side.”
You quickly shuffled to one side of the tub, sneaking peeks every so often at the tub in front of you. You watched Jake hand the card to Ni-ki, whose eyebrows rose as he examined the card. Oh my God, Ni-ki’s touching my access card. You thought to yourself.
After loading up with at least 20 towels he handed them off to his band mates and turned to us. Shit. You clutched Ria’s hand as she patted yours for support. No no no no no-
“I can’t lie to you.” She murmured. “It’s hilarious seeing you like this.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
Ni-ki walked over, card in hand, lightly turning it between his fingers. “Thanks for letting us borrow your card.” He spoke, his voice smooth and deep enough to make you question if you can keep up this facade. You might lose consciousness right there if you’re not careful, and judging by your racing heart from just looking at the gorgeous man before you, your chances aren’t good. With your heart in your throat you forced a polite smile, unable to speak.
“It’s not a problem.” Ria spoke for you, her demeanor unshakable. “Hey boo, can you grab it? You’re closer.”
“I- yeah, sure.” You muttered, swinging your legs over the edge yet again, approaching the idol almost tentatively. He reached out the card. You took it in your hand but he didn’t let go. You stared back at him, confused and terrified. He stared back, amused, before letting out a small chuckle.
“This is the platinum access card right?” He asked. “The one with all the perks?”
“Yeah.” You lightly pulled on the card, hoping he’ll take the hint. “Yeah it is. How did you know?”
“Hm.” He smiled, that devastatingly beautiful smile and let go. “I did my research when I came here. And silver cards don’t have access to this place.”
You laughed nervously, slipping the card back under your towel on the day bed. “Yeah, well, I thought we’d treat ourselves.”
He nodded, taking a seat on the edge of the daybed. You quickly retreated to the hot tub, as if you were safer there.
“So what brings you to LA?” He asked, once you settled.
“We’re just celebrating.” Ria smiled warmly at him. “What about you?”
“We’re here for work.” Ni-ki turned at the voice. Heeseung sauntered over with his signature grin. You looked back at Ria who looked calm on the outside but was frantically kicking your foot under the water. “Do you mind if I join you?”
“Not at all, please.” You gestured to the hot tub and he settled across from you, Ni-ki joining beside him. Ria’s eye twitched.
“So,” Heeseung leaned in. “What are you celebrating?”
Ria answered. “We’re celebrating our graduation.” She smiled brightly.
Heeseung and Ria’s conversation about college and majors faded into background noise as you watched Ria intently. Judging by her expression she was having the time of her life.
Your eyes flitted to Ni-ki, admiring how handsome he was even dressed simply in a tank and board shorts. He nodded alongside Heeseung, quiet, observing, beautiful. As you admired his features his eyes snapped to you. Your stomach dropped. You desperately wanted to look away, act like you weren’t staring but that would be so obvious, so you gave him a friendly smile instead. His lip curled into a grin. He was enjoying this. Maybe a little too much.
“I didn’t catch your name.” He said as if he suddenly realized, leaning in with his elbows on his knees.
You responded, nearly choking on your own name, hoping he didn’t notice. “And you are?”
“Ni-ki.” He replied with a smirk. Shit, of course he noticed. “My name’s Ni-ki.” As if you didn’t already know that.
“So, Ni-ki, what kind of work are you guys doing here?” You asked.
“We’re on tour.” He replied. “We’re a band.”
“Really?” Ria raised her brow. “Are you guys popular?”
“More or less.” Heeseung shrugged in mock modesty. “We have our audience.” He looked behind you, waving someone over. No..
Thankfully, your saving grace, the bartender walked over with his tray. “Sorry for the wait.” He smiled politely. “Your Seabreeze, and your lemon drop.” He carefully handed us our drinks. “Double and triple.”
You turned around, stretching to take your drink with a quiet “thank you.”
“You’re tatted.” Ni-ki suddenly spoke once you turned around, his expression unreadable.
“Oh.” Your face flushed. “Yeah I am.”
“I have a few myself.” He tilted his head, eyes burning into yours, absolutely mesmerized. “Do you mind if I look at it again?”
“Sure.” You stood on the edge of the tub, pulling your hair up and, turning your back to display the tattoo on your spine, peonies and vines curling down your spine in delicate thin linework. Your face heated bright red, his eyes travel down your spine, mapping each inch of your skin.
Ni-ki drank it in, every small detail, as if he was trying to memorize the artwork. The way the flowers curled against the nape of your neck, gracefully carving a path down your spine, ending just below the hem of your bottoms. He couldn’t help but wonder how far it went.
“That’s beautiful.” He murmured as soon as you sat down. Your hands trembled as you grabbed your drink. He noticed, trying to hide his smirk.
“Thank you.” You blushed, sipping your drink, desperately trying to get vodka into your system as soon as possible. You could feel his eyes linger on you, but you refused to look back up. There’s no way Nishimura Riki himself called your tattoo beautiful.
You heard loud bickering and turned your head to the commotion. Jake and Sunghoon were dragging Jay to your side of the lounge, Jay doing the best that he could to fight him off. That was to no avail. The two men threw him into the pool, Jay not wanting to go down alone grabbed Sunghoon with him. They fell into the water with a splash explosive enough to hit Ria and you. You collectively gasped.
“Hey!” You shouted, jumping to my feet, cold water shocking you out of what ever flustered stupor you were in. Ria quickly tried to wipe the cold water off herself.
Jake’s eyes widened. “I am so sorry!”
“Hyung, really?” Ni-ki scoffed clearly annoyed on my behalf.
“Guys, seriously?” Jungwon jogged over with 2 towels offering them to us. “I am so sorry for their behavior. I’m Jungwon.”
“No worries!” Ria laughed brightly. “I’m Ria, nice to meet you.”
You introduced yourself, carefully wiping yourself down with the towel.
“You have such cute names.” Heeseung chuckled.
You shrugged. “They’re just names.”
“Your tattoo’s really pretty too.” Heeseung noted with a grin. “I haven’t seen a tramp stamp that delicate before. Wait hold on, do they match?”
“Yeah!” Ria looked up at him with a smirk. “Wait why were you staring at my ass?”
“I wasn’t I swear!” He laughed, raising his hands up in defense. “I just noticed.”
“Ria I’m a little cold.” You murmured. She nodded, motioning for you to sit down. You stepped further down letting the hot bubbling water hit my chest.
“I’ll join you.” Ni-ki said, pulling off his shirt, revealing his toned body bit by bit settling in the water just across from you. You couldn’t help but stare. Honestly, it felt like you were looking at something illegal. The tattoos. You couldn’t believe you’re actually seeing them. Catching your gaze, Ni-ki stretched, turning to the side ever so slightly, allowing you to get a full view of the tattoo on his side, finding amusement in my stare. That damn tease.
“…you should have a drink with us.” Ria cut in, shifting your focus. “How does that sound?”
Jungwon looked up from his conversation with a bright smile. “We’d be happy too!”
Our tub eventually filled with the rest of the band. You felt yourself slowly relax, making seamless conversation. The drink was definitely helping. Heeseung took the drink menu from the bartender, eyes widening at the prices.
“Thats insane.” Jay whistled, peering over the prior’s shoulder. “Completely unjustifiable.”
“We’re not getting that.” Jake chimed in, with a disappointed tsk. “Sorry ladies, we’re gonna have to pass.”
You have no idea what possessed you. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the people pleaser in you. “It’s on me.” You blurted out. Jake stared, eyes impossibly wide. “Order whatever you like.” You added, voice shrinking.
“No, we can’t possibly-“ Jake began to protest.
“I insist.” You cut him off. “Really. Ria and I are two drinks in already, it’s rude not to offer.”
“Well, if you insist.” Heeseung grinned.
You and Ria shared a quiet smile as the men ordered their drinks, putting them on your imaginary tab. A few rounds later, the mood shifted on the roof top lounge. Everyone was having a great time, chatting, laughing, playing dumb games, arguing over dumb things. You had no fear at this point of the evening, any nerves melted away, as you laughed at Ni-ki, who slipped against the wet floor, falling into the cold pool.
“What are you laughing at?” He snapped, face a little pink half tipsy, half embarrassed.
“You.” You giggled, not faring any better, stumbling on your feet. “I’m laughing at your clumsy ass.”
“Help me up.” He demanded, raising an arm up for you to grab.
Not thinking much of it, you reached out to grab his hand. Ni-ki had other plans. Dodging your palm, he grabbed your wrist and yanked you into the pool. You fell in with a scream. The world immediately went quiet and blue, water rushing into your ears, nose, mouth. Surfacing, you sputtered for air, pushing your now ruined hair out of my face.
You smacked him in the chest, sending him into peals of laughter. “I just straightened my hair, you ass!” You exclaimed, with an exasperated shove in his direction, as if he was just an annoying friend and not the record selling, world famous star that you shelled out almost a grand to see.
Heeseung and Ria, who were flirting by the edge of the pool looked over suddenly. “You good?” Ria called out, concerned and a little slurred. She didn’t see Heeseung expression change behind her, from curiosity to a cruel plotting smile.
“Ria!” You gasped. “Behind you-“ You didn’t speak fast enough.
Ria was pushed into the water with a splash, Heeseung jumping in after her. “Heeseung!” She sputtered, wiping her face. “I’m going to beat your ass.” That was the only warning she gave him before dragging him under. The last thing I saw was his face go from amusement to pure horror.
Chaos erupted. All the members ended up in the pool either by their own will, or from being pushed, pulled in, thrown in Sunoo’s case, or just slipping and falling in. You couldn’t tell up from down anymore, through the splashing, shouting and whooping. It was a mess. The most fun, exhilarating mess of your life.
“The sunset’s so pretty up here.” You murmured, sipping from a glass. Just water this time, by Jungwon’s orders.
The group ended up pulling all the day beds into a half circle by the glass railing, resting from the impromptu pool party. A red and pink sky stretched before you, gleaming off of the mirrored sky scrapers, the sound of traffic way down below being the only sound track for your buzz.
“Yeah.” Ni-ki breathed, stretching out on the daybed next to you. “Never seen anything like it.” He wasn’t looking at the sunset.
You curled your legs against yourself, suddenly regaining consciousness of the situation. You were sobering up, and that meant your confidence waned once again. You pressed yourself as far against the arm of the day bed as you could, putting as much distance as possible between you and Ni-ki.
“You okay?” Ni-ki murmured.
“Hm?” You turned your head toward him. He gazed at you through half lidded eyes, messy wet hair sticking to his forehead. The sun gleamed off of his still damp skin painting him in gold and pink hues. He was even more breathtaking like this, more beautiful than on any stage. Butterflies settled in your stomach once again. “Yeah. I’m fine.” You managed a half whisper, turning your attention to the rest of the group.
Jake, Sunghoon, and Sunoo were out cold, sleeping off the drinks. Jungwon and Jay sat on the edge of another day bed, quietly laughing at something together. Heeseung and Ria sat shoulder to shoulder, mid whispered conversation. Heeseung was bright pink and clearly pretending he wasn’t still tipsy. Ria was coming to, and was in the same state of nervousness as me, but she was so much better at hiding it.
“You’re shaking.” Ni-ki noted, bringing your attention back.
“It’s just from too much sun.” You replied. “I’m okay, really.”
He raised his brow, suspicious. “I don’t think that’s it.”
“Would you believe me if it were from the alcohol?” You offered yet another weak excuse.
He smiled, shaking his head. “You went shot for shot with Sunoo and were fine, I know you can handle your drinks.”
He raised himself up onto his hands, tilting his head, examining you. His eyes burned directly into you, your face reacting instantly with a bright red that rivaled the sunset you were watching. You inched back.
“What?” You asked, barely audible.
“You were so worried about me ruining your hair earlier.” He murmured, sending another flustered chill through you. “Yet you look pretty with your hair all wavy like this.”
“Oh.” You coughed, nerves stacking on top of nerves. “Thank you.”
The alcohol, the excitement of being near Ni-ki, the guilt of pretending you don’t know them, all stacked up and made it impossible to breathe. You looked back at Ni-ki, who was still staring at you, drinking you in with those piercing dark eyes. You couldn’t do anything but stare back, heart racing as his eyes trailed every feature on your face before meeting your eyes again.
“You have really pretty eyes, you know that?” He whispered, leaning in close. Too close. “Such a pretty color.”
Your kids can have them too. Some drunk part of your brain thought. “Yours aren’t so bad either.” You mumbled nervously, mentally kicking yourself at how stupid you sounded. You inched back further. He followed. He reached out to fix your tousled hair. You flinched looking toward your friend.
“Ria, it’s getting kinda late, no?” You asked, silently begging her to help me get out of there.
Ni-ki’s hand stopped mid air, dropping back onto the daybed. He tried to hide his disappointment with understanding, it was late after all. He couldn’t expect you to be okay with anything so quick.
“Yeah.” She looked up with the same begging expression. “We should go, but..” she motioned with her head at Heeseung who fell asleep on her shoulder.
“Oh-“ Jay looked over. “Let me help.”
He carefully maneuvered around the day beds with Jungwon, helping Ria get Heeseung up and off her shoulder. He woke up with some difficulty whining about some five more minutes.
“Let’s go.” You whispered to Ria. “We need to leave before it gets out of hand.”
“It already is.” She agreed. “Let’s get out of here.”
You quickly collected your things while the guys were distracted. Messily fumbling with your sarong, you looked up.
“Alright, bye guys!” You called out half heartedly. “It was nice meeting you!”
“Woah hold on!” Jay called, almost offended. “We’ll go together, it’s late. Let us walk you back.”
“No, really it’s fine.” Ria shook her head frantically. “I’m sure you guys are busy, and it’s not that far of a walk.”
“Come on.” Ni-ki cut in, looking at me. “It’s really no trouble.”
Your shoulders slumped in defeat. “Fine.”
You all somehow managed to squeeze into the elevator, and you scanned my card, punching in the 19th floor. Just 6 floors down.
“Oh you weren’t kidding.” Sunoo giggled. “It really isn’t far.”
“Told you.” You offered a tired smile as the door dinged exactly one story down.
You walked through the quiet hallways together, making small talk in low voices. You stopped at your room, awkwardly clearing your throat. “Well,” you managed. “This is us. Thanks for walking us to our room.”
“Any time.” Ni-ki replied, as if you were only talking to him. And maybe you were. “See you around.”
After offering goodbyes and good nights, You and Ria finally entered your suite. Immediately younshut the door and pressed your face to the peep hole. Only when you saw them disappear out of view did your turn around. You and Ria stared at each other for just about a moment before letting out silent screams. Not of excitement. Of horror.
“What the hell was that?” You exclaimed, sliding down the door head in your hands.
“I don’t know.” Ria slumped next to you. “I don’t know what that was, all I know is that I’m probably dreaming. My heart is literally beating out of my chest.”
“Ria they were right there!” You hissed gripping her arm. “We just hung out with Enhypen themselves!”
“I know!” She hissed back, hitting your arm to release her nerves somehow. “How are we ever supposed to recover from that?”
“I don’t know.”
The next morning you woke up before Ria, not even remembering at what point you fell asleep. Fuck... You winced, grabbing your head. You knew better than to get shit faced on sweet drinks. Flashbacks of the evening before came back to you in short bursts. The faint taste of the cocktails, the feel of the hot water against your legs, the sun in your eyes, the feeling of Ni-ki’s breath fanning against your face. FUCK. Your eyes shot open. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I’m too hungover for this. That didn’t happen. Doing your best to not disturb Ria, you creeped out of bed, and not bothering to change out of your pjs, made yourself a cup of your secret hangover remedy, a disgusting mix of sprite, lemon juice, and salt. You took a sip with a wince, decided it was not that bad, and went to the balcony. Yesterday was just a dream. You tried to convince yourself. It had to be.
You sigh, taking in the cool morning air, letting it settle on your feverish skin as you calm yourself down. You lean over the balcony, drink in hand, trying to decide if you are losing your mind or not in the haze of the morning.
The quiet of the morning was interrupted by someone calling your name. A male voice. You look around, confused. “Hey, down here!”
Your gaze shoots down. Two stories down, you have a clear view of a balcony. Your headache pounds. Shit. Here too? Ni-ki and Jay stand on the balcony, Ni-ki leaning with his back pressed against the railing, ever the nonchalant king, Jay waving excitedly. Ni-ki looks up, a slow grin spreading across his face. You stare, not returning the smile, still deciding if you’re hallucinating or not. “Ugh, I’m too hungover for this.” You shake your head, closing your eyes, and slowly back away into the room. I really need to lay off the drinks; these hallucinations are insane.
Down below, the two watched you emotionlessly retreat back into your room absolutely floored. Jay turned to Ni-ki. “Did she just roll her eyes at you?” Ni-ki, unable to hide his amusement nodded, chuckling at your attitude. “I don’t know what you did.” Jay deadpanned. “But I don’t think she Iikes you.”
Ni-ki finally tore his eyes from the now empty balcony and turned to Jay. He gave him a dismissive tsk. “She does. Trust me.”
Jay sighed. “Dude, leave her alone, we have other things to worry about, our schedules are stacked. Did you forget we’re on tour?”
“Exactly!” Ni-ki replied. “We’re on tour and this is the one of the only weekends we get off,might as well relax and do something fun.”
“And you think nearly traumatizing a random hotel patron is fun?” Jay snapped back.
Ni-ki crossed his arms, looking off into the distance as if deep in thought. “Yeah.” He smirked. “It’s funny. And cute.” He murmured the last sentence to himself.
Somewhere inside the suite, Jay heard the pained groan of Heeseung waking up with a raging hangover. He rolled his eyes, stepping into the suite. “I’m gonna go find him something for his head.” He turned around, giving Ni-ki a once over. “Goodness, sometimes I forget you’re still a dumb kid.”
“Hey that’s not nice.” Ni-ki laughed, following him.
The next couple of days were pure torture. You and Ria agreed that your moment of fun is over; they’re on tour, you’re fans, you admire from a distance, and most importantly, you don’t cross paths. No matter what. The best course of action is avoidance.
But, of course, that was easier said than done. The next few days, it felt like you were the one being stalked. Anywhere you went, someone would show up. You went to the hotel arcade. Heeseung and Jake were screaming at each other because of some game. You went to the hotel bar. There were Sunoo and Sunghoon, probably your favorite to run into; they offered drinks. Not even the parking lot was safe. You almost took Jay down with your car door.
“I am so sorry!” you gasped as he hunched in pain, much to the glee of the others. Ria sat in the car watching this train wreck happen, looking like she’d rather be anywhere else.
“It’s okay.” He wheezed. “‘S my fault I was standing there.”
But the hardest one to avoid was Ni-ki. You’d run into him in the most annoying places, places you couldn’t escape from. You needed the elevator, he was already in there, amusedly watching you struggle under his gaze. You wanted to go to the gym, and suddenly he was spotting you, hands grazing yours ever so slightly, ‘on accident’. Hell, even the hotel office wasn’t safe. You just wanted to send a work email. Yet there you were, peering over your shoulder, cheek a centimeter away from his.
“…do you mind?” you muttered, trying to hide your fluster with annoyance.
“Nope not at all.” He grinned. “Just waiting for the computer.”
He always had a joke, a tease, but what made you burn with embarrassment was his gaze. His heavy eye contact, that you were never good at keeping. He would stare into your eyes until you looked away first, chuckling to himself every single time. Anywhere you crossed paths, you felt like you would combust, half from panic, half from excitement.
Once again, you find yourself stuck in the elevator with him, and this time Ria isn’t there to save you. You face away from him, pretending that your phone is the most interesting thing on planet earth. He’s on his phone too, so maybe, you think to yourself, just maybe if you don’t look at him, you could ride without him acknowledging you.
“We keep running into each other,” he says quietly, not even looking up at you. Dammit.
“Mhm,” you mumble, not looking up.
“I had fun,” he continues, still leaning against the wall, still typing away at his phone. “At the rooftop.”
“I’m glad,” you reply, still trying to pretend he isn’t there, still trying to ignore your racing heart and sweating palms.
“Funny.” He finally looked up with an expression that was between amused and confused. “Because any time I try to say hi you avoid me like the plague.”
“Well,” you stare harder into your phone. “You’re a famous guy. I’m not trying to start any rumors.”
He chuckles. “Right. That’s what it is.
“I’m serious.” You look up, realizing fast how small the elevator actually is, how close he really is, how long the damn ride is, how devastatingly his beauty affects your mental health. You swallow hard. “I… don’t want either of our careers to end over a misunderstanding.”
“That’s not something you need to worry about.” He replies quietly, if it weren’t for the proximity you wouldn’t hear him. “You’re allowed to say hi back, you know.”
You look at him with a small nod. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He catches your gaze immediately, making your stomach drop. He smirks. “There they are.”
“Huh?” You freeze, wide eyes.
“Your pretty eyes.” He murmurs. “You know, since you’re too intimidated by me to even make eye contact, I kinda missed them.” He steps closer, bending his head down ever so slightly, looking not at you but into you. Your head swims with panic. What in the Y/N is this? You scream in your head.
You step back as much as the tight space of the elevator will let you. “Oh shut up.” You roll your eyes. That’s a ploy to stop looking at him before you pass out. “I’m not intimidated by you.” You try to sound convincing, but your voice cracks.
“Really?” He traps you between himself and the wall. He’s close enough that you can feel him breathe against your face. Panic hits you so hard your head spins. His eyes soften. “Then you must hate me.”
You try hard to clench your hands into fists to stop them from shaking. “Yeah, that’s probably it.” You reply, staring ahead directly into his chest.
His smirk deepens. “Oh?”
To your relief, the doors finally slide open. “Bye.”
He steps aside, barely giving enough room to get off. “See you around, pretty.”
You quickly step off, leaving him amused as the doors shut him out of view. You desperately need a distraction.
“So the show’s at 4, then we can go down to that shop we talked about, and if we don’t stay there too long, we’ll still have time to get ice cream and get to the viewpoint before sunset.” Ria rattles off the directory, checking her outfit one more time in the mirror, striking a pose. Ria is dressed in her usual combo of a tight-fitting crop top and baggy jeans that hang low on her hips, just enough to show off her tattoo, and Doc Martens, the most casual punk outfit you’ve ever seen.
“Sounds like a plan.” You reply, thumbing through different dresses and sets, trying to find something you could get away with being braless in. After settling on a pale lavender set of a long high slit skirt and halter top, you quickly slip into it, the delicate fabric feeling cool against your skin. The flowy texture is a welcome one, loose enough to be comfortable, yet thin enough to show off your curves. You do one final check of your hair and accessories before stepping into a pair of-
“Heels?” Ria raised a brow. “Aren’t your ankles still bruised?”
You shrug. “Yeah. That’s why the ankle straps hide it.”
With a resigned sigh, you turn your attention to your reflection in the mirror. You are polar opposites. The punk and the princess. The tomboy and the hyper femme. Ariana Grande and Cynthia—okay, maybe not. But you look good, that’s what matters.
You spend the entire afternoon having a grand ol’ time, visiting shops, museums, hitting all the non-touristy spots you know. There is never a dull moment; you are either immersed in your activities or laughing so hard you have to squat to not fall. You decide to take a break with a game of cards at the gold lounge, another exclusive perk that comes with a private area filled with plush couches, a wine bar, tables for card games, and a gorgeous view of the city.
You sigh, ordering a few bottles of wine before sitting down at one of the tables. “So.” You begin. “Are we gonna address the elephant in the room?”
“Nope.”
“Nope.” You agree, taking a bottle of Malvasia Bianca and pouring each of you a glass. “We’ll wait until the drive home.”
“Yep.” Ria nods. “When we’re within safe screaming distance.”
“Yeah, but still.” You grin, getting giddy again. “I can’t believe that this weekend was even real.”
“I’m still not sure if it was.” Ria giggles. “This is the moment. We are Y/N.”
You laugh, not because it is funny but because she is right. You sigh. “What were the chances of that ever happening again? To anyone, not just us.”
“I honestly don’t know how we made it this far.” You sigh, shuffling a deck of cards. You glance around the main lounge, making sure nobody is around.
“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it.” Ria giggles, taking a sip of wine.
“Yeah, well you weren’t stuck in an elevator with Niki as he’s trying to grill you on why you’re avoiding him.” You reply, dealing.
Ria stares judgmentally over the rim of her glass. “Dude. You were grinning ear to ear.”
“Whatever.” You grumble, a smile already creeping back onto your face. She isn’t wrong. Of course, you enjoy being lavished with attention from a gorgeous man with a deep velvety voice, can you blame you?
“I’m tired of poker, let’s play something else.” Ria says, pushing her hair out of her face.
“Wanna play Durak?”
“Yeah if you sort the cards.” Ria replies. “I’ll be right back, I need the bathroom.”
You nod dismissively, getting to work on the card deck, pulling out every 2, 3, 4, 5, and joker. Humming to yourself, you shuffle the cards.
“What are you playing?” A voice sounds behind you. Deep. Velvety. Annoyingly familiar. Annoyingly hot.
“Durak.” You reply, not sparing Niki a glance. “Ever played?”
He shakes his head, taking a seat across from you. “No, but I’m sure you can teach me.”
With a lump in your throat, you nod. “I guess.”
In the quietness that surrounds you, you teach Ni-ki the rules of the game. He sits in front of you, arms crossed, nodding along, but this time his look isn’t teasing but concentrated like he is genuinely trying to understand the game. Sitting in his presence feels a little easier now, less intimidating, but just as flustering.
“-and the trump card, in this case, it’s the club, beats any other suit with any value except for its own, to cover this suit you’ll need a bigger value. Got it?” You hold out a hand of six cards to him.
He nods, accepting the cards. “I think so.”
You chuckle, your eyes shining with an affection you try hard to hide. “You’ll get the hang of it, don’t worry.”
The game play began, with Ni-ki quickly getting the hang of it with your quiet corrections. He dealt you a card. Jack of Spades.
“So.” You beat it with a six of clubs. “…did you do anything fun today?”
“We started shooting something, it’s going to take a while to finish though.” He replied, dealing a six of hearts.
“Hm.” You nodded, placing a 7 of hearts. “You excited?”
“Oh you have no idea. The fans are going to love it.” He smiled, dealing a jack of hearts. “So tell me.” He turned his attention away from the cards. “What’s your deal?”
“….what do you mean?” You fumble your card.
“Tell me about yourself.” He replies.
“Oh well..” You thumb at your cards thoughtfully. “I’m 21, just graduated uni, work in data privacy analysis…I love music, I have a cat, his name is Spoon…” You look up at him. “That’s pretty much it.”
“You’re older than me?” He raises his eyebrows.
“Depends. How old are you?” You know the answer, but you have to ask.
“19.”
“I am. But you’ve established yourself already.” You comment, letting yourself get genuine for once. “That’s really impressive.”
“Thanks.” He chuckles, drawing new cards. “It hasn’t been easy.” His voice gets quiet, his expression unreadable. “Having your entire life broadcasted, I mean.”
“I bet.” You sigh, “you probably get so tired of having to hide your real life.” He nods with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I can relate.” You continue. “It’s hard to keep secrets for a living.”
“So you won’t leak where we’re staying?” He jokes.
You scoff. “Who do you take me for? You lost by the way.”
“Dammit. Reshuffle, I need a rematch.” He grumbles. “And I don’t know.” He sighs, handing over his cards for you to shuffle. “A pretty stranger who’s fun to tease and might want revenge?”
You coughed nervously, fumbling the cards you were shuffling. “Do you always call people pretty way too often?”
“No.” He leaned in, resting his elbows on the table. “Well, only older girls with pretty eyes.”
You refused to look at him. “Well, I’m too old for you.” You lied, dealing hands again. “I don’t like younger guys.”
“Please, two years is nothing.” He rolled his eyes. “Have you ever given one a chance?” His voice lowered as he tilted his head, examining you. His eyes had their usual intensity, but there was something underneath that. Something that looked like..curiosity maybe? Butterflies shot through your stomach.
“W-well I would never-“ you stammered, silently begging for Ria to come back.
“Just give me a second, I got it!” An exasperated voice rang out from behind the door. Sunghoon finally managed to get the door open, the hallway flooding with the sounds of the members laughing and arguing, following him in. Mainly Heeseung was yelling. You gave Ria a knowing look.
“Sorry.” She quickly gave you an apologetic hug. “They begged me to in the arcade with them.”
“Did you win?”
“Obviously.”
“Then I forgive you.” You patted the seat next to you.
“You only won because you got lucky.” Heeseung fumed. “Oh hey!” He grinned. “What are you playing?”
You gave a nervous smile. “Hi Heeseung.” You quickly retaught the rules of the game as everyone settled around the table.
“I already know how this is gonna end.” Jake rolled his eyes, ever the poor sport. “Ria‘s gonna beat everyone and act like it was an accident.”
“Nah, that’s with video games.” Ria smirked. “She’s the card game expert.”
You played that simple game for hours, it quickly became dangerously competitive. The longer you spent with ENHYPEN, the less they seemed like stars to you, more like friends. Poor sports too.
“You guys should play some of your music.” Ria suggested amidst the animated conversation, topping off her wineglass and your own. “I’m curious.”
Jungwon shrugged, reaching for his phone. “Sure! Let’s see..” he scrolled through his phone. “I hope you like it.”
The intro to XO filled the lounge. No. Anything but this. XO was the song that made you an Engene in the first place, the first song of theirs you heard at 19. You love the song, but the problem is the unfailing reaction that you have to the song every single time.
“Woah, are you crying?” Jay furrowed his brows in worry. “Are you okay?”
“Don’t mind me.” You laugh wetly, thoroughly embarrassed. You try to wipe the tears, but they keep coming. Ria is no help. She just laughs quietly. You glare at her.
“That intro kinda sounds like a theme song from her favorite childhood cartoon.” Ria lies smoothly. “Must have brought back some emotions.”
“Aww.” Ni-ki coos teasingly. “Cartoons make you cry?” He reaches out, swiping a tear off your cheek. His touch feels like electricity jolting through your skin. You jerk away before controlling your impulse to lean into his touch. You shoot him a glare.
“Shut up.” You hiss. “Also, I won.” You place the last card in front of you. Ace of clubs.
“DAMMIT.” Heeseung slams his cards on the table.
Okay. You’re finally able to wrap your head around it. They’re just people. The past few days were hard, but you genuinely started to see Enhypen as friends. And Niki turned from your bias into…a crush, you guess?
Seeing them around is no longer something that fills you with panic. In fact, you begin planning activities together, in spots that are unpopulated or hidden gems, where the probability of getting caught is slim to none. It was once their manager made you sign NDAs that your friendship finally felt easy. It is common to see one of the members randomly in your suite because, according to them, it is nicer. You look forward to seeing them now, chatting with Jungwon, teasing Jake, having those emotionally charged stare-offs with Niki that are too intimate to be nothing but too vague to be something that makes your heart race. Today is one of those days.
You were lounging in the living room of their suite keeping Sunoo company, waiting for Heeseung and Ria to come back from the arcade. You were supposed to have dinner together, but he stormed to your room, demanding a rematch on Uno.
“You could have asked her that without dragging me here.” You muttered.
“It’s fine, I’ll be back soon.” Ria promised as she left with Heeseung. “Just hang out here.”
You and Sunoo talked for a while but that didn’t really last long because he had to pack up and head out quick.
“Alright my ride’s here. We’re still on to watch that movie tonight, yeah?” Sunoo asked, fixing his shirt collar.
“Yep.” You replied, eyes still on the TV. “Good luck!”
“Thanks!”
You are left alone with yourself in their dorm. Or you think you are. Ni-ki walks out of the bedroom, freezing when he sees you.
“Hey pretty.” A lazy grin spreads across his face, settling on the couch next to the one you are sitting on. “What are you doing here?”
You shuffled a few away from him.
“Hey.” You look up, barely ripping your focus away from whatever movie is on the TV. “Heeseung snatched Ria from under my nose and told me to wait here. So I’m waiting.”
“Oh yeah, he did say something about a rematch. She beat him 7 to 0.” Ni-ki laughs, pulling out his phone. “I have never seen him that pissed, it was amazing.
You giggle, shaking your head, refocusing on the movie. You settle into a peaceful quiet, Ni-ki watching something on his phone. A couple of familiar sounds and songs play in loops.
“Are you watching edits?” You look at him incredulously.
“Yeah, you love fan content.” He replied, “look at this one.” He turned his screen toward you, a funny edit of him falling flat on his ass trying to pull Jay with him.
You laughed. “That’s unfortunate. Did it hurt?”
“Only my ego.” He replied, scrolling further. Suddenly his eyebrows furrowed. His gaze snapped to you, as if he was hit by an epiphany.
“What?” You asked. “Something wrong?”
“No, it’s nothing.” He replied, a slow smirk spreading across his face. You shrugged, turning your attention to the movie.
The silence between you suddenly became sharp. Heavy. Awkward. You threw a glance at Ni-ki. He was scrolling through something, eyes scanning left to right, smile growing. Trying to ignore the tension, you decided not to mention it.
“‘Ni-ki could step on me and I’d apologize.’” He suddenly read out loud. You looked over at him with a raised brow.
“‘The only thing stopping me is a screen.’” He read, scrolling slowly.
“‘Ni-ki chill, it doesn’t take much.’” You tense, eyes widening. Wait a damn minute.
“Oh! I like this one.” He continues. “‘I need Ni-ki biblically, it’s not even a joke anymore.’” No.
Beads of sweat roll down the back of your neck as realization dawns on you. Your head whips toward him. No no no no.
Those are your comments.
“And here I thought you didn’t like younger guys.” He chuckles, his eyes catching your gaze. “You gonna explain yourself?” You stare at him, losing feeling in your face.
“Well?” He cocks his head, a smirk playing on his lips. He leans close, his tone mocking. “You gonna talk?”
You are paralyzed, your mind blank. Your eyes widen in terror as your heart thunders in your chest, flooding your veins with adrenaline. Shit.
You catapult off the sofa, vaulting over its back and dash toward the door. He is right behind you, not even trying to run, just walking, observing your panic. The bastard has long legs too. You don’t dare look back, crashing through the front door into the hallway, zigzagging wildly like you are in some kind of comedy. You barrel through lounges, duck under tables, leap over railings, and shove chairs in his path, desperate to throw him off. It seemed to work. You glanced back and realized that no, I’m fucked. He was right behind me, watching me run like he had all the time in the world. He wasn’t letting this go. Pure panic gripped me.
“Shit!” you gasp, hurdling over a potted plant and making a desperate dash for the women’s bathroom sign. He wouldn’t follow you in there, right? You sprint across the lounge, grabbing a pillow off of a couch and clumsily hurling it at him to buy time. You bolt into the bathroom, slamming the stall door behind you.
You collapse onto the seat, gasping for air. What is happening? Why did you run? What do you do? Your mind races, a whirlwind of fear and embarrassment. You have never felt so put on the spot in your life! You need to act, and fast.
You pull out your phone with shaking hands, sending Ria a text.
Ria. They know.
You sit in that bathroom until your lungs stop burning, still too scared to even poke your head out of the stall until you hear footsteps in the restroom. Your breath hitches painfully in your throat. You press your hands to your mouth, to muffle your heavy breathing.
“Is someone in here?” A woman’s voice echoes through the bathroom. You let out a sigh of cautious relief. It is just the cleaner.
“Uh…yeah, just give me a moment.” You call out, fumbling the stall lock with shaking hands. You walk out, trying to control your panting.
“Miss, is everything alright?” The cleaner asks.
“Yeah..yeah- everything’s fine, I’m fine.” You mutter, checking the stalls, just in case. “Is there anyone outside the restroom?
“No miss, the hall is empty.”
“Thank you.” You carefully approach the bathroom door, listening for anything that could be behind it. Then you hear it. Footsteps. You let out a shaky gasp, lowly backing away from the door, until the footsteps fade away. You turn your attention to the lady. “Do..do you mind checking?”
“Yes miss, I’m almost done.” She replies, wiping down the mirror. She carefully peeks outside the door, scanning all surroundings and gives you a thumbs up, bidding goodbye with a polite smile.
You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, pushing the door open with a sense of triumph. But your victory is short-lived. You yelp, stumbling back in sheer panic. You’ve been caught.
“Caught your breath?” Ni-ki grins, his tall, imposing figure blocking the doorway. You hang your head, trying to sidestep him, but he is relentless, stepping in front of you again, hand tightly pressed against the frame. “Where do you think you’re going?” he whispers, stepping closer, leaving you no escape.
Your heart races. Left? Blocked. Right? Blocked. You squeeze your eyes shut, searching for a plan. “Look at that,” he teases, his voice dripping with mock sympathy. “Can’t even meet my eyes. Ashamed?” Fuck it.
In a burst of adrenaline, you dive between his legs, scrambling through before he can react. You sprint down the hall, his laugh echoing behind you.
Your mind is a blur, focused solely on reaching the suite, locking the door, and escaping whatever humiliation he has in store for you. You jab the elevator button repeatedly, only to spin around and freeze. He saunters to the elevator, as if the chase is nothing more than a fun game.
“Damn it,” you mutter, pressuring the button harder. Finally the elevator opens, and you dive inside, slamming your floor number, watching the door close in his smirking face. He doesn’t stop it, though he could have. The realization hits you. He could have stopped it. But didn’t. He’s toying with you.
You lean against the wall for support, panting as you catch your breath. The doors finally ding open to reveal…Ni-ki.
“FUCK.” You shout in frustration.
He only chuckles in response. “Boo.”
You try to shove past him again, but he backs you into the elevator, not giving you time to escape. He tilts his head. “You’re not really good at this, are you?”
You try to push past him, wildly, desperately smacking his arms. “Let me go!” you snarl. “Or I’ll start screaming.”
He chuckles and with a shrug steps aside. “Fine. Keep running.”
Without another thought, you sprint down the hall. Your eyes water in relief at the familiar number. You lean against the door, catching your breath before walking in, trying to think of a way to leave without being seen.
You shut the door, slamming it closed. This is too much. You think to yourself. This is all too much. I need to get out of here. You walk into the bedroom, panting painfully. You take a shaky seat on the bed, burying your face in your hands. I’m so stupid.
Ni-ki walked into the hallway, making a beeline for your door. She’s really something else. He thought to himself. So weird. So cute. Truth of the matter was, he didn’t really care much about your explanation, but seeing you run from him, face bright red, flustered, it did something to him. It filled him with a twisted thrill, thrill that he had that effect on someone like you.
He raised his hand ready to knock, before tossing the idea. He knew you wouldn’t answer, so he had to get creative. Catching sight of a cleaning lady, he got a bright idea. He sent a quick text to Heeseung and made his way over.
He walked to her briskly, pretending to be flustered. “Excuse me?” The lady turned around with a polite smile. “I’m so sorry to bother. But I locked myself out of my room. Would you mind helping me?”
You stay in that position long enough for your legs to fall asleep underneath you. You could’ve spent your time wiser, packing, planning, finding Ria, but you can’t bring yourself to move. You’re exhausted. The familiar beep of the door unlocking shakes you out of your stupor.
“Ria.” You breathe a sigh of relief, jumping up to greet her. You all but run into the living room. It isn’t her.
You scream as Ni-ki saunters into the living room, eyes on you like you’re prey. “Ni-ki..” You pant. “Get out.”
He doesn’t respond, slowly walking around the couch toward you. You make a run for the bathroom when suddenly you feel a grab on your forearm and a yank so hard that you fly back with a gasp. Your back hits the couch.
Ni-ki wastes no time pressing you against it. “Caught you.”
“Get the hell away from me, Ni-ki!” You snarl, desperately trying to hit him away. He rolls his eyes and grabs your wrists, pinning them by your sides. “Let me go!” You struggle against his grip.
“No.” He replies, calm as ever. “You owe me an explanation.”
“I have nothing to explain!” You exclaim, struggling against his grip. “Get off of me!”
“Really?” He tilted his head, but the look in his eyes was no longer playful. I froze, stomach twisting. “You’re an Engene who somehow ended up in the same hotel as us, and pretended to hate me until you got found out, and then ran like a crime suspect. You think that doesn’t need an explanation?” His voice sharpened on the last word.
“I..” you scrambled for words. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“Then why’d you run?”
“I don’t know..I just…” You stare back at him, terror and embarrassment bubbling in your chest. “What the hell was I supposed to do, Ni-ki?” you blurt out. His face goes from annoyed to confused.
“I’m a shareholder in this hotel, I’m only here because I get good perks, this whole situation is a coincidence! How the hell was I supposed to know you’d be here too?!” Niki stares at you, dumbfounded.
“And us running into you? I prepaid that damn hot tub, it was expensive! And I sure as hell weren’t going to tell us I’m a fan, that would have made everyone uncomfortable. Our plan was to ignore you at the pool and avoid you the rest of your stay here so that we wouldn’t bother you, but you were the one that wouldn’t leave us alone, so-so this is all your fault! I swear, I’m not a sasaeng i-it was a coincidence, we shouldn’t have even approached-“
“Hey.” Ni-ki cuts you off, snapping his fingers in your face. His voice simmers down to a soft murmur that barely cuts through your rant. “Stop.”
“WHAT?” you shout, still high strung, feeling your hands ache as you begin to shake.
“I know.” A soft teasing smile overtakes his features, making your face burn hot on top of everything else. “I knew for a while.”
“Huh?” you muster out shakily, pressing yourself further into the wall.
He sighs, taking a step back, letting you breathe. “Let’s just say you suck at whispering.” Of course, that’s what it was. He chuckles as you bury your burning face into your hands. “That and your concert bracelet was sticking out of your bikini the entire time.”
“Shit.” you whisper, head spinning from the pressure of your own panic releasing. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because watching you squirm was fun.” He gives you a goofy grin. “Do you know how entertaining it is to see someone pretend they aren’t freaking out over you?”
“You’re an asshole.” You huff, hugging your arms around your body, trying to walk past him. Angry tears well up in your eyes as you dodge him. “Of course, this shit’s fun for you.”
“Hey, we’re not done talking.” He grabs your shoulder, cornering you back into the back of the couch. You wrench out of his grip.
“What else is there?” you snap, refusing to look at him, face burning red. “You knew everything the whole time, so what else do you want from me?”
“If you’re such a big fan, why do you act like you hate me any time I’d try to get close?” He asks, his stare hard against you. “I’m confused. Aren’t you supposed to…want me?”
“I..” your voice is barely audible even to you. “I thought that, if you didn’t know that I was a fan and I was flirting with you, it would be like I was taking advantage of the situation.”
“Well, I do know.” He responds. “So?”
“Well, I don’t know…it felt wrong to push my…fantasies I guess, onto you.” You cringe at yourself. “Wait that sounded wrong, I mean…I don’t even know how to explain it. But every time you look at me or get close, I feel like I have to remind myself who you are and who I am and it- I guess that made it seem like I was avoiding you and maybe I was but-why are you laughing?”
Not a chuckle, not a smile with too much breath behind it, he was genuinely laughing, smile stretched ear to ear. He was gorgeous like this, unfiltered and genuine. He wiped a fake tear. You tried to step around him, but he blocked your path again.
“That’s what you were worried about? Taking advantage of me?” He asked, thoroughly entertained.
“Well..” You shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah.”
“You’re adorable. Well..” He mocked you. “ I know you like me and I’m still here.” He stepped even closer, so close that you were practically chest to chest. His gaze deep into your eyes, like he was memorizing your features. For once, you found yourself unable to look away. “You’re shaking again, pretty.” He murmured, his voice low, heavy.
“How can I not?” You murmured back, finally allowing yourself to feel all the emotions you refused to feel all week. “It’s you.”
He smirked. “So are you gonna finally let me kiss you? Or are you gonna dodge me again and make me feel stupid?”
“What?” You whispered weakly.
Ni-ki heaves a sigh. “Maybe you’re the stupid one.” He holds your jaw, caressing your bottom lip with his thumb, the touch sending sparks through you. He leans in, stopping barely a centimeter from your lips. “Tell me to stop.” He whispers. You don’t want him to.
He closes the distance and captures your lips with his. Your eyes flutter shut as your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest. The kiss is soft, careful at first, but it quickly becomes desperately hungry. His perfectly soft, perfectly plump lips meld with yours in a way that makes your head spin. Niki tilts his head, deepening the kiss, his hand snaking around your waist. You tangle your hands in his blond locks and he groans quietly at the pull, swiping his tongue along your bottom lip. You let him in, sighing against his lips as his tongue slides against yours.
Ni-ki’s hands find their way underneath your top. Your breath hitches at the feel of his hands on your burning skin. He pulls away slightly, looking absolutely wrecked, lips swollen and messy with your gloss, eyes searching yours in a silent question.
You speak first, your voice barely a whisper. “Is this really gonna happen?”
He leans back as if he is studying you. “You want it to?”
You nod hesitantly, heart hammering in your rib cage as you pull him into another kiss before you can overthink. He hums in approval, grabbing onto your hips. He pulls away from the kiss, his lips tracing your neck and collarbone as his fingers deftly work the ties of your halter top, letting it fall to the floor. You tug at the hem of his shirt, to which he stops your hand.
“Patience.” He chuckles. “You first.”
You huff at him as he reaches around you, undoing the clasps of your bra, letting it join your halter top on the ground. He yanks your skirt along with your panties down your thighs, letting them fall around your ankles, leaving you completely bare in front of him. You cross your arms, covering yourself, suddenly self-conscious.
“No.” He murmured snatching my wrists. “No, don’t hide that body from me. Let me see.” He pulled my arms away from my body, eyes roaming with hunger. “Shit. You’re unreal.”
His hands greedily roamed my bare body, letting them linger on my breast with an almost reverent squeeze. “I’ve been dying to see you like this all week.” He whispered against my lips, forcing my legs apart with his knee.
“A week? Try 2 years.” You mutter shakily, tugging at his shirt insistently.
He chuckles. “You’re so impatient.” He pulls his shirt off, exposing his perfect tatted body. You stare shamelessly, dragging your eyes from his chest to his toned abs to the kiss mark tattoo on his hip bone. “Eyes up here.” He teases, forcing you to look at him. “I wanna see them while I ruin you.”
He slips his hand between your bodies. His fingers swipe through your already soaked folds, making you gasp. You grab his arm, your hips jerking under his touch, as his thumb rubs slow circles on your clit. You nearly lose footing, and he grabs your hip, steadying you against the couch.
“So responsive,” he teases, circling your clit with his thumb. “I barely even touched you.”
You are gasping at the joint sensation of his hands on your hip and clit, gripping his arm tight, bracing yourself against the back of the couch. “Ni-ki..” You beg, not even sure what you are begging for. He lets out a soft groan as another buck of your hips grazes against his already growing bulge.
“What is it, pretty?” He hummed, peppering hot kisses down your collarbone. His hand still worked your sensitive clit only stopping to slide a finger into your entrance. You clenched around his hand, making him hiss. “Fuck…squeezing me so good..I haven’t even fucked you yet.” He groaned.
“Ni-ki please..” you whimper, hands clutching his arm painfully as his finger slowly pumps in and out of you.
“Please what?” he whispers into the shell of your ear, not even thinking of going easy on you as he adds a second finger into you, curling them slow and cruel until your thighs drip and tremble. “Use your words.”
You can’t. Your legs shake under you as you dig your nails into his shoulders, hugging him tight as his fingers worked you open. “Shit..” you gasp. Your walls pulse around his fingers.
“You’re gonna cum aren’t you?” he murmurs, pressing his forehead to yours. You nod shakily. “Give it to me then.”
As if on cue, your body listens, shuddering around him. You come hard, clutching onto him tight with a pathetically loud moan. He chuckles, fingers never slowing. You buck your hips in protest.
“Please Ni-Ki.” you cry. “Let me suck it.”
His fingers still. He looks at you with a dark mix of surprise, amusement, and desire. “That was not what I was expecting.” He smirks, pulling his hands away. “Say it again.”
“Let me suck your dick.” you beg, cheeks flaming at your own request. “I..I need it, please just let me-“
His hands fly to you arms, grabbing you and spinning both of you around. He falls back onto the couch, taking you with him. He grabs your hand gently, pressing it against his clothed bulge. “See what you do to me?” He breathes.
You say nothing, cheeks flushing. You slide off of his lap onto the floor as he undoes his belt, watching as he frees himself from his jeans, giving himself a few strokes. His cock springs out flushed, angry, and fucking huge. Just as you thought. Your mouth waters at the sight.
“I knew it.” You whisper.
“What?” He raises his brow.
“Nothing it’s just big.” You reply, voice a lot smaller than you intended. “Maybe a little too big..”
He gives you an uncharacteristically soft smile. “Don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you.” He purrs, stroking your cheek with one hand, his other hand taking your own and wrapping it around his base.
The feel of him in your hands, hot and throbbing, sends a shiver down your spine as you lean forward and press a sloppy kiss to his leaking tip. He hisses, gripping your head, as you tease him with flicks of your tongue before taking his head into your mouth with a soft suck. Your eyes flutter shut at the taste of his skin.
“Fuck..” he muttered, gazing into your eyes with dark intensity. “Keep those pretty eyes on me. Got it?”
“Mhm.” You hummed around him as you took him deeper, keeping eye contact the best you could while your cheeks flamed. He stroked your hair, the action gentle but the look in his eyes, hungry. You let out a slow shuddering breath through your nose, memorizing the way he tasted, the way his cock felt sliding against your tongue.
He groaned, fingers tangling into your hair tighter. You bobbed your head, relaxing your throat as you took him as deeply as you could, swirling your tongue around the head. His head lolled back, his deep breathy moans music to your ears, making heat pool in your stomach. “Fuck, pretty you’re perfect.” He slurred, thrusting softly into your mouth. “Taking my dick so good.”
You whimpered around him as his head hit the back of your throat, his moans and praises only spurring you on. You tried to match your movement to his thrusts as he sped up, tracing the veins with your tongue, while keeping your eye on him. You watched his reaction intently while your lips worked him, savoring every sound, every shudder he gave you. Watching him slowly wreck made you burn with need. Tears streamed down your face as you gagged around him, taking him as deep as you could, your nose hitting his stomach.
“You’re so pretty like this.” He groaned, swiping a thumb across your cheek. “All teary eyed, gagging on my cock.”
Your stomach fluttered at the praise as you sucked him, ignoring your sore jaw, just focusing on him. The way his thighs twitched under your hands, the way his abs flexed from the pressure, the feel of his hands guiding your head down his length.
He looked insane. That was the only way to describe it. He was flushed, his ears and neck dusked pink, his plump lips open in a perfect o, his eyes barely open under quivering lashes.
“Nia…so good….” He moaned. “I need to be inside you, fuck…can I-?” The request sounded so uncharacteristically shy you felt your stomach flip. You swallowed around him, not answering, your eyes fluttering shut.
Suddenly he pulled out of your mouth with a lewd pop. You whined in protest, your voice hoarse, lungs burning with the much needed air.
He yanks you up onto his lap. You steady yourself with your hands on his bare chest. He looks into your eyes, hands stroking your back. “You’re fucking insane.” He murmurs, fingers splaying over your back, pulling you to his chest. You lean into his shoulder, trying to catch your breath while he presses wet kisses down your neck and wipes the drool off your chin with his thumb.
He grinds his hips into yours. You jolt, feeling his blunt tip slide against your slick folds. “Ni-ki!” You gasp, hiding your burning face in his neck.
He scoffs, gently pulling your hair back to force you to look at him. “You don’t get to act all cute and shy after you just sucked my dick like you were starving.” He mutters, capturing your lips in a bruising kiss.
You fist his hair, grinding your hips against him. He bucks his hips in warning. You sigh into the kiss, grinding down harder.
“Fuck this.” He mutters, dragging you off his lap, pushing you down onto the couch unceremoniously. “Sorry, pretty.” He chuckles darkly, climbing over you, slotting himself between your thighs. “Couldn’t wait any longer.”
You arch your back, lifting your chest toward him. He chuckles, tracing a nipple with his fingers. “You know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you? Want my dick so bad you’re offering your pussy to me?” He groans, grinding his hips into yours. “I’ve been thinking about pinning you under me like this all fucking week.” You press against him impatiently.
“Just…fuck me already.” You whisper, tears of frustration pricking the corner of your eyes.
His hands knead your inner thighs, spreading your folds to see how embarrassingly wet you are. “You’re soaked.” He laughs, lining himself up, teasing your slit with his head. “All this just from sucking me off? Or is it from my fingers? Tell me.”
You whine in annoyance. “Ni-ki dammit, just-“
Your words are cut off by him splitting you open, slowly and torturously. You try to say something, but your voice comes out a pathetic squeak as he slides into you. His breath hitches, eyes widening at the feel of your walls wrapping around him, and he lets out a broken moan directly into your ear. Your hands claw at the couch as you scream. He leans down quickly, swallowing your cry with a deep kiss.
“Shit.” He pants, only making it halfway in. “You’re so tight it almost hurts.” He gives a breathy laugh, trying to hide the fact that he is as overwhelmed as you are. He pulls out slightly, feeding himself in again, gripping your thighs and forcing them wider. “C’mon relax.”
The burn was too much and too perfect at the same time as you bottomed out. You whimpered, reaching between you to still his hips. He grabbed your wrist. “Move your hand.” He rasped. “Just let me..” He pinned it above your head, lacing his fingers with yours in a way that felt too sweet for a one-night stand.
You buried your face into his neck to muffle your whimpers as he rocked his hips, letting you get accustomed to being so full of him. “Shhhhh, almost there.” He whispered, kissing a tear off of your cheek. “You’re doing so good, just a little more. I won’t move till you tell me to. Okay?”
You relaxed around him, the painful burn slowly fading into overwhelming pleasure. “Move.” You whispered.
Slowly, you begin rolling your hips, heaving a sigh that is between restraint and relief. Your hands claw his back as he fucks you slow and deep, his name leaving your lips like a mantra. He grabs your thighs, holding you open and vulnerable.
“Fuck.” He grunts, his thrusts speeding up. “It’s like you were made for me. So fucking good..”
He sets a dizzying pace, hips slamming into yours so hard the couch creaks. You sob his name loud and unashamed as he hits all the right spots with his blunt head. Your walls spasm around his pulsing cock, threatening to release. Suddenly he pulls out, the emptiness in you almost painful. He flips you around, yanking your hips up with a slap that makes you yelp.
When he slid back in, you whimper softly, relishing the feeling of being full of him again. His hands trail your spine as he pounds into you. “Fuck.” He whimpers, leaning down to press his lips to the peony at your nape. “I had dreams about this tattoo. About where it ended.” His hands press into your back dimples.
His thrusts become erratic as he leans down, pressing hot messy kisses against the back of your neck, traveling down your back, coloring the flowers a deep purple. A hot coil tightens in your stomach again.
“Ni-ki!” you wail, gripping onto the couch, onto the armrest, anything you can get your hands on. “I’m gonna-“
“I know.” He murmurs into your neck, reaching around and rubbing fast messy circles on your clit. “Give it to me, pretty. Make a mess all over me.”
The orgasm crashes over you like a hot wave, whiting out your vision. You sob out his name as every muscle in your body shudders. He fucks you through it, digging his fingers into your hips, his sounds getting more broken as you gush around him. “I know, I know. You can take it, just a little more okay?” he rambles out, his thrusts becoming sloppy and erratic.
With a wrecked moan, he pulls out and fists his cock twice before spilling all over your back before collapsing down onto your back.
You lay there, silent, your shuddering breaths the only sound in the room. Ni-ki shifts, pushing himself off of you, leaning against the couch. You turn your head to look at him, eyes glazed over. He stares back incredulously, still breathing heavily.
“What?” you croak out, a heavy tiredness settling over you.
“You’re insane.” He grins. “‘Ve never came that hard in my life.” He strokes the mess on your spine.
“You aimed for my back on purpose didn’t you?” you tease weakly, still shaking.
“Yep.” He nods. “Ever since I saw the tattoo, cumming all over it was the only thought on my mind.” You let out a small scoff.
“Let’s go.” He says, standing up, gathering you into his arms. You slump into his chest.
“Where?”
“To clean up.” He replies, carrying you to the bathroom. “You don’t wanna fall asleep all sticky do you?”
Your eyes widen. “Wait but Ria-“
“-won’t be back till morning.” He cuts you off softly, holding you up while turning on the shower. “I took care of it.”
Meanwhile
“I don’t know. I still think you cheated.” Heeseung sighed, handing Ria yet another hundred dollar bill. She grinned, snatching the money out of his hand and tucking it into the pocket of her shorts.
“Nah, you just suck at games.” She giggled. “It’s okay, Heeseung. Nobody’s perfect.”
“You don’t think I’m perfect?” He grasped his chest with a pained expression. “I can’t believe you just said that to me. That hurt.”
“Your pain means nothing to me.” She replied with a smile. “That’s payment for staring at my ass.”
“Whatever.” He shook his head, reshuffling the uno card. “We should probably head back.”
“What, can’t handle another round?” Ria smirked.
“No, I just ran out of cash.” Heeseung replied dryly.
“Doesn’t have to be money. We can make it interesting.” Ria said, twirling a card in her hand. Heeseung raised a brow. “Loser gets a flick.”
“Fine.” Heeseung muttered and the game began.
About 10 minutes later, he is biting his lip in anticipation, hands almost shaking as he holds 2 cards in his hands.
“Uno! Draw 4!” He shouted triumphantly placing the card. Upon seeing Ria’s smirk his joy faltered and watch in horror as she very gingerly and carefully placed a draw 4 in front of him.
“Draw 8.” She whispered as if it were a scandalous secret.
“I can’t believe you.” Heeseung groaned, picking up 8 cards. “How is this fair?”
“It’s not my fault if you suck at this game.” She shrugged, placing her final card. “Also, I win. Bring your forehead.”
Heeseung heaved a dejected sigh, leaning in. Ria reached forward, pulling her middle finger back like a slingshot and delivering a very loud, very painful thud to his forehead. He jerked back, offended and in pain, rubbing the sore spot on his forehead, the area already blooming pink.
“If this bruises by the time I need to do another stop I’m suing you.” He grumbled.
“You can’t, we both signed that NDA.” Ria replied, stuffing the cards back into the box. “Protects you from me but also protects me from you.”
“Whatever.” He muttered, thoroughly humiliated.
“We should probably head back, my girl’s waiting for us.” Ria sighed, standing up with a stretch. “We’ve been here for hours.”
Heeseung began to nod, but was cut off by two sharp dings from his phone. He quickly checked the message.
Ni-ki: They’re both ENGENES
Ni-ki: Make sure Ria doesn’t go back to her suite tonight. We’re busy.
Heeseung slowly smirked at his screen. Finally, he thought to himself. Finally Ni-ki was going to do the one thing he wouldn’t shut up about the entire week. But that also means-
“So Ria.” Heeseung suddenly stepped in stride with her. “Who’s your bias?”
Ria faltered. “What are you talking about?” She said calmly. It was only a second before she regained composure, but it was enough for Heeseung to know that she knew exactly what he was taking about.
“You know,” he shrugged with a smirk. “In ENHYPEN. Is it me?”
“I don’t know,” she replied, walking just a little faster, Heeseung trailing behind her. “I don’t listen to your music and I don’t know what a bias is.”
“Don’t act dumb with me.” Heeseung scoffed, following her into the elevator. “I already know, there’s no need to be shy, just say it.”
Ria gave an annoyed sigh. “Dude, not everyone has to be your fan.” She quickly pulled out her phone, as the doors closed behind them. “Just accept it.”
She opened her notification to see that you texted her.
Ria. They know.
Shit. She thought to herself. Still maybe she can try to fake it till she make it. She kept her cool, her fingers flying across the screen asking for context, details, anything.
As Ria typed out questions, a hand gently wrapped around her phone, pressing the power button. On her lock screen, in full view, was a picture of Heeseung. Slowly, full of dread she looked up at him. He raised his brow with a barely hidden smirk.
“So what was that about not being my fan?” He asked, crossing his arms.
Ria stared directly ahead of her, not daring to even look in Heeseung’s direction. He followed, stepping into her line of sight. She turned. He followed.
“We’re playing this game?” He scoffed, leaning against the wall behind him, setting his stance stubbornly, as the only thing Ria could year was the slow hard beat of her heart in her ears.
She didn’t answer, staring hard ahead, counting each floor, begging the doors to open.
“So you’re just not going to say anything, Ria?” He taunted quietly, reaching out to turn her face towards him. The elevator door dinged open.
In a moment of panic, Ria’s hand shot up pointing at a random corner. “WHATS THAT.”
Confused, Heeseung turned around. “What’s what?”
Suddenly Ria shoved Heeseung back hard, with enough force to knock him back into the wall with a thud. She sprinted out of the elevator doors but not before slamming on the elevator button panel, pressing as many buttons as possible. But that wasn’t enough to keep him from slipping out after her.
She sprinted down the hall, not daring to look behind her. She didn’t have to, Heeseung was hot on her trail feet pounding intently the carpeted hallway. The chase, although intense was embarrassingly short. Ria sprinted with everything she had, twisting and turning down hallways when she suddenly felt a hard yank on the hood of her sweater. She gasped, as Heeseung shoved her against a door, trapping her in with his arms.
“You lost.” He grinned, slightly out of breath.
“Heeseung, you need to let go.” Ria mustered in a panic. “Let me go and I’ll explain.”
He shrugged and reached behind her. Ria heard the familiar beep of the lock. The door opened suddenly behind her and she fell into the hotel suite, Heeseung now towering over her.
She scrambled, trying to crawl out of the room through the doorway when Heeseung suddenly grabbed her ankles and yanked her back in with a yelp. He slammed the door behind him, locking it and blocking it for good measure. She scrambled back, away from him, trying to turn her head to find another exit. Heeseung crouches next to her, still out of breath.
“Why am I your screensaver if I’m not your bias?” He sneered. “Who is it then? Jake? Jungwon?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Ria bit back. “That’s not even you in the picture!”
Heeseung’s sneer faltered. He reached into her hoodie pocket to double check, fighting her hands off like a child wrestling away a toy. “Let go!” He grunted, yanking her phone away, turning on the screen. He looked at the screen. Then at Ria. Then back. “Ria that’s me.”
“No it’s not!” She demanded, although not sounding as convincing anymore. “I found it on Pinterest, just thought it was a nice picture.”
He raised his brow with a smirk. “So that means I’m your type.”
“You’re far from it.” Ria muttered, standing up. “You’re insanely annoying. Especially during the red hair era-“ she clamped her hand over her mouth.
“What was that?” Heeseung raised a brow, following her.
“Nothing.” She mumbled, heading towards the door. “Just stay away from me dude, there’s something wrong with you.”
Heeseung grabbed Ria’s wrist turning and pressing her to the wall his chest flush to hers. “I think you know exactly what is wrong with me.” He whispered pressing a knee between her legs. And Ria knew. The evidence was pressing hard and insistent against her hip.
“Shit…” Ria let out a shakey whisper, her hands planted firmly against his chest, pressed between their two bodies like a barrier. “There’s no way..”
“There is.” Heeseung whispered. He crashed his lips into hers, rough and hungry. Ria whimpered in shock from the kiss. He pulled away ever so slightly, resting his forehead against hers. “Okay?” He mumbled into her lips.
“O-okay.” She murmured back shakily before closing the distance between them herself, her hands clutching the front of his hoodie, eyes screwed shut.
Heeseung smirked into the kiss, biting onto her bottom lip. Ria hummed into the kiss, pressing her tongue into his mouth.
Heeseung’s hands were all over her in an instant, traveling down her sides, hooking onto the waistline of her shorts. He yanked them down, cupping her through her already soaked panties. Ria bit her lip, stifling a whimper.
“Okay.” Heeseung murmured into her neck teasing her entrance with her fingers. “New bet. If I make you cum five times by midnight, you give me all 500 dollars back.”
“And if I do it first?” She hung her arms loosely around his neck trying to keep composure.
He gave her a dumb grin. “Then I’ll give you 500 more.”
Ria thought about it before her lips spread in a slow smirk as she reached for his waistband. “You’re on.”
“One more round?” Ni-ki murmured into your hair. You haven’t even caught your breath yet, sprawled out on your bed after round 3.
You looked up at him with a glare. “My spinal column’s shot, give me a second.”
“Fine, fine.” He chuckled, stroking your hair away from your face. “I swear, I can’t get over your eyes.”
“Stop.” You muttered, looking away, cheeks bright red.
He laughed. “You can’t seriously be shy around me after I was just inside you.”
“Yeah I can, you’re Ni-ki.” You replied, laughing despite yourself.
You laid there just pillow talking for what felt like hours, and it was perfect. Serene. “So.” You laid your head on his chest. “Is it..normal for you to sleep with fans?”
“Please it barely happens.” He scoffed. “I barely have enough time to sleep, you think I have time to fuck?”
“Explains why you were so pent up.” You murmured, tracing the tattoo on his side.
“That and you’re just really pretty.” He replied, looking down at you. “I wasn’t kidding when I said that.” You blushed, turning into his neck, deciding silence was the better answer. “So you gonna tell me the real reason you cried during XO?” He asked you.
“Well,” you sighed. “That song is what got me into Enhypen in the first place. Like, before I learned your names I had that song on repeat for weeks, it just became a part of me.”
“You’re an emotional little thing aren’t you?” He chuckled.
“More or less.” You reply. “Enough to pass out at least.”
His eyes widen. “That was you? We were wondering what happened.”
“Yep.” You reply, embarrassed to look at him. “Just got too excited.”
“Well, glad you didn’t pass out on me.” He smiles, pulling you into his chest.
“Shut up.” You mumble into his collarbone.
He pulls back to look at you with a devious smirk. “Round 4?”
The offer alone makes your stomach pool with need. “Please.”
It was 5 am. The halls were silent. Ria untangled herself from Heeseung’s sleeping form, quietly and quickly getting dressed. She limped out of the room, hobbling onto the elevator with shaking legs and 1000 dollars cash in her shorts pocket. Looks like my next ticket’s on him. She thought to herself with a smirk.
She slowly made her way back to your shared room, using the wall to support her. The door suddenly opened, revealing Ni-ki, looking flushed, exhausted, and refreshed all at the same time. They crossed each other in the hallway, silently acknowledging each other with a knowing nod.
Ria finally made it to the room, scanning her card. You were still awake looking absolutely spent in an unfamiliar t shirt, sipping water, ibuprofen bottle sitting open on the bedside table.
“Hey.” You croaked out, voice horse.
“Hey.” Ria replied, taking a shaky seat on the bed. “How you feeling?”
“I should be asking you the same thing.” You gave a weak wheezing chuckle.
“Good God, what did he do to you?” Ria asked, taking a couple ibuprofen herself. “You sound like a mess.”
“Everything he was supposed to.” You replied. “Consider my PCD cured.”
Never getting over this.” Ria commented.
Together you watched the sunrise from the bedroom window, still processing exactly how you each spent the night.
Epilogue
1 year later, you and Ria are perched on the barricade. That year was good to you both. Your faces are prettier, waists thinner, outfits more expensive. In other words, your careers took off and it was visible.
“You can’t believe you’re doing this again.” You grin at Ria, hopping a bit in your Doc Kasey’s. You learned your lesson from last year.
“Ugh I know.” She sighs, swiping her freshly dyed auburn locks out of the way.
“Don’t you think it’s gonna be a bit weird though?” You murmur close to her ear. “Seeing them after you…”
“That was a one-time experience.” She replies. “A good memory, nothing else. This is also gonna be a good memory, you’re just here to enjoy the show.”
“You’re right, you’re right.” You nod. And she is right.
The moment the stage opens and the first notes of the intro begin, in the screams of the audience you lose your mind. You are exactly where you need to be, a fan on the barricade.
You scream your heart out to every lyric, clutching your lightstick to your chest as if it would ground you. Yes, you do cry during XO and you’re not ashamed. Thank God for waterproof makeup. At least you don’t pass out this time.
“We can never do regular ground again.” Ria yells into your ear.
“Facts.” You nod. Nothing will ever match this view, this feeling.
The members come out, ready for their ments. “Thank you all so much for coming out tonight!” Jungwon exclaims into the stadium, being met with a roar of screams, cheers, and barks. Once the crowd dies down, Jungwon continues.
But at that point, you aren’t listening. Your eyes are fixed on one person and one person only. Ni-ki stands on the side, looking impeccable as he always does, nodding along to whatever Jungwon is saying. He looks so perfect with his hair dyed black with that little skunk streak at his temple. You reach for your phone, taking a quick video to capture the moment forever, yet your eyes never leave him.
Suddenly Ni-ki’s gaze flicked toward you. You freeze, phone still clutched under your chin. His eyes find yours, holding contact that you will still never get used to. Your breath shudders. His eyes squinted ever so slightly before recognition flashed in his face. Slowly his lips curl into a knowing smirk as he tilts his head toward you, studying your face before letting his eyes drag down your body and look back toward the floor.
“I suggest you breathe before you pass out again.” Ria says, pinching your arm. You gasp for a breath of air, realizing you forgot to breathe in. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.” You reply. “Nothing’s wrong.”
After the concert, you squeeze your way toward the exit, dodging fans left and right. A security guard steps in front of you. “Sorry to bother you ladies. Can we see your I.D’s?”
“Sure.” You reply, eyes furrowed in confusion but complying. After handing him your ID cards, the guard examines them long and hard. “Alright. Come with me please.”
“Is there something wrong?” Ria asks.
“No ma’am.” He replies, leading the way. “But I’m not allowed to disclose anything until we get there.”
You and Ria swap looks. There’s no way right? What are the chances?
You and Ria are led backstage where two separate guards wait for you. “If you could just sign this please.” One asks politely, holding out a paper and pen for you.
You gingerly take the pen and scan the document that is already filled out with your name. And at the top in bold letters, rushing above your name.
Non Disclosure Agreement
Your head snaps over to Ria. She stares back, signing the paper without thinking. You give her a stupid grin. As the guards lead you down a hallway of dressing rooms and various doors, you hit a fork in the hallway.
“This way miss.” One says to you.
“Right this way.” The other led Ria the opposite direction.
Ria looks up at you with a devious grin. Before you split ways, she hits you with a high five. “Good luck,” she whispers.
“You too,” you reply.
You follow him to a door labeled Dressing Room 5. You hold your breath as the guard knocks on the door, palms sweating. You try your best to wipe them on your corset.
A staff member pokes his head out, quietly exchanging a few quiet words with the guard. “Yeah, it’s her.”
“Checked ID?” The staff member asks.
“Yep.”
“Let her in.” A familiar deep voice sounds behind the door. “And leave us alone please.” Your heart pounds at the sound of his voice.
The staff member glances behind the door with a nod before stepping out, holding the door open for you. “Come in please.”
You nod slightly and step in on shaking legs. The door shuts behind you. You stare at the floor, trying to ground yourself in the silence before looking up. Your throat goes dry at the sight of him.
Ni-ki sat on a couch in front of you, eyes shining with recognition and want. He stood up, crossing the room in slow strides. You followed him with your gaze, a smile slowly spreading across your face. He stopped directly in front of you.
“Hey, pretty.” He murmured, gazing down at you through his lashes. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Surprised you still remember me.” You whispered back, your hands finding purchase on his chest as he slung his arms loosely around your waist.
He chuckled. “How could I forget the best fuck of my life?”
“Oh please.” You rolled your eyes, ignoring your burning face as you picked at his tank top. “I’m sure you stay that to all the-“
He shut you up, capturing your lips in a filthy kiss. “I don’t wanna hear it.”
You giggled into his mouth as his hands hungrily roamed your body. “You’re needier than I remember.” You mumbled, clutching his tank.
“It’s been a long day.” He laughed against your lips despite himself. “Give me a break.”
“Oh, I plan on it.” You smile knowingly, pulling your corset knot loose, unclipping it slowly, and letting it fall to the floor.
Ni-ki yanks his tank off, watching you hungrily as you undress slowly. “Shit.” He murmurs, his hands gliding over every inch of bare skin you uncover. “I’m going to need your number. I think I’ll want you every time I’m in LA.”
“No.” You grin.
“Huh?” His brow furrows in confusion.
“You know where I stay.” You hum cheekily, pressing your chest to his. “Don’t you think finding me is more fun?”
“You’re just as much of a tease as I remember, pretty.” He smirks, squeezing your hips. “I can’t get enough of you.”
You smile, sighing as his lips trail your neck and his hands trace your spinal tattoo.
“Guess you better try.” You whisper into the shell of his ear. “You get me once a year.”
“Then I already can’t wait.” He murmurs, pressing his lips to yours in a slow kiss.
“SHIT!”
Your heads snap to the door, hearing the echo of Heeseung’s screams. You stifle a laugh. “So much for non-disclosure.”
END
