N E B

|| Hey, I'm @ Nebulow | Retired Twitch Partner | 24 | ND | bisexual | living with 10% capacity as a disabled & chronically ill writer || always up for answering questions & have a laugh but DON'T approach me looking for anything but a friend

[nebulow]

[nebulow]

I'm Line! Welcome to my blog.

I'm a chronically ill cripple with less energy to function than I need. So running one blog for everything is the only way I can do it. Here's what to expect!

• chronic illness/disability stuff!

• occasional pictures of me or the food I cook (I'm working on a cookbook for chronically ill people!)

• plants plants plants

• unhinged memes

• the journey of writing/becoming an author

• shower thoughts

I am a retired Twitch Partner who used to game a whole bunch before my chronic illness (multi organ BDS) became worse + I got several brain injuries and a whiplash injury leading to CFS. I also have ADHD. I'm partially bedbound, and I have a bunny who keeps me company. I can't use screens much, no PC anymore. Find me everywhere @ Nebulow!

[trainthief]

here’s some caps of stanley tucci crying with laughter after being asked what wine pairs best with eating ass 

[nebulow]

Losing all hope about the future, is what set me free in the present.

[nebulow]

Quest giver, quest giver,

give me a quest

one that doesn't require me being a brave girl bc I have crippling anxiety and commitment issues but I also lack dopamine

[nebulow]

People without sensory issues will never understand how painful and debilitating it is.

Yes, the sound of a vaccum cleaner might be a little annoying for everyone. But for people with severe sensory issues, having to listen to that sound for 10 minutes might put them in bed for the rest of the day.

[nebulow]

[animatedtext]

requested by yay-depression

[anxietyproblem]

[thelupuslady]

True.

[annie-leonhardts-ass]

Did you ever just feel so lucky for knowing someone you met online? Like.. I was one click away from not following you. I was one second away from never even knowing of your existence.  I would never have been this happy. 

[youreverydaydaly]

[woppetry]

Gotta be constantly vigilant for this bad boy

[nebulow]

Disabled people also have needs; let's talk sexuality.

Since I started to experience post-exertional malaise (PEM) and became partially bedbound, these needs can no longer be met. I also suffer from allodynia, and am extremely sensitive to any visual/physical/sound stimulation. So I tend to not be around other people unless I have to.

(PEM is the worsening of symptoms following even minor physical or mental exertion)

I started to question my sexuality a lot more after becoming disabled. Pansexuality seems like a good fit. But I also feel like I've somehow been caged as involuntary asexual.

I simply cannot but my longing hasn't dwindled enough for it to not be frustrating. I want to explore my newfound sexuality

Going into new relationships, I feel the need to explain too many things beforehand in order to establish my limitations and thereby I feel like I become a burden (perhaps the least sexy feeling).

I need to fully trust the person, and I don't have the energy to see and get to know anyone. If I DO engage, the PEM is so extreme it puts me in a depressive state.

So; is it worth it?

It's a hard battle to weigh. I feel an urge for a normality that is no longer within reach. Yet I strive towards it.

The fear of being too limited in new experiences and the unavoidable aftermath is unbearable.

Yet I yearn for it.

God I wish I was able.

[nebulow]

Don't let able-bodied people tell you what you can do.

Don't let anyone tell you what YOUR body is capable of. Only you know.

[nebulow]

Spoon theory doesn't cut it for me anymore.

I have like two teaspoons and a spork left.

How am I supposed to get through the day with that?

[nebulow]

Don't let able-bodied people tell you what you can do.

Don't let anyone tell you what YOUR body is capable of. Only you know.

[spooniestrong]

[nebulow]

I sometimes wonder, as a chronically ill person, how so many of us with chronic pain are left to suffer bc there are no sustainable pain relieving options available yet. And we live in the year 2022??

But then I remember that bikes were literally not invented until 1817.