It's been nine months now that I split from a friend I thought I'd never lose.
Why, you ask? Because their passion for a certain F1 driver became toxic and the F1 role play we had going on since over 5 years was the only toppic that mattered to them.
In a very challenging time of mine, it was never "hey, you're quiet, are you okay?" "How are you feeling?" no it was "Are you up for RP today?"
I took it because somehow the RP always gave me a little light but it went out of my main focus.
When the races were on, it was not enjoyable anymore because everytime something happened that cost Lando something, the mood swung around. Instead of enjoy the racing, discuss about cool manouvers and screwed up strategies it was mourning and moaning about how shitty everything was and all I got was a snappy "I don't want to talk about it."
After Canada last year, where Lando made the mistake and crashed into Oscar, it was the same and with the mental state I had, it was the last straw. I told them, I needed space.
Yes, they tried to apologise but in the way like "uh I am dumb" blah blah. You know those words. Then times got tough for them and suddenly it was even demanded from me to be there for them. That what pushed it completely over the edge for me. I started to draw a bigger distance and realised, that it was what I needed.
I was always there for them. No matter what. I pulled out of the lows, I celebrated the highs and gave advices as good as I could but it never came back to me fully. It didn't need to but being overseen because of something parasocial is a damn sting in the heart.
Was it tough to let go? Absolutely. But was it worth it? Yes.
Sometimes I still think about the good times we had, the creativity we emerged together, just like now after the new season started but I wouldn't trade it back for anything after I found what I have now. The good memories will stay what they are. Something to look back to and say "ah yeah, that time.."
To you: I know you might read it and even if that post that you blocked me for on every platform was not meant for you at all, turned out to be true.
"The peace I feel in my life is worth being the villain in your story."